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Happy2Heal

great post Pug, thank you so much for continuing to update us

 

Like you, I see a great improvement after a period of struggle/symptoms. I try hard to remember that when I am going thru a rough patch, it means my brain is working hard to fix something, and when the rough patch is over, I'll be at a new higher level of healing.

 

 

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anongrl5590

Thank you Pug for your update. Sorry to hear you're in a setback but I know you'll keep recovering and healing with more time. I also CT Prozac which I only took for one year. I have been in withdrawal for 15 months now starting with 60-70 symptoms and it's now down to about 40 symptoms left. I definitely never expected to be where I'm at now at this timeframe but I am holding on to everyday simply on the will to live. I'm sure we will all heal completely. Even if I only reach 90% recovery, I think I'll be ok. You're a true inspiration and I will be following your footsteps til the very end!

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pug
On 12/2/2017 at 11:23 PM, Jorge24 said:

Thanks allot for your nice words and congrats on your recovery.

I don't know you did it but you did. Today is my 18 day off Zoloft was on it for only 2 month's, but those 2 months where enough for me have withdrawal symptoms. Am having lots of mental confusion, a little of depernolization and mood swings. Feels like my mind is battling to survived inside a cotton ball. Like if am dreaming hard to explain. Will things go away? 

 

Hello,


Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you and your question.  I hope that you are improving and getting some relief, and I am sorry to hear that you are suffering after taking the medication for such a short time.  In my experience, things will get better and go away with time; that is the magic healing ingredient that has worked for me and so many others; passing time.


Wishing you the best.


pug
 

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pug
On 12/5/2017 at 4:09 AM, MaryDavid said:

thanks pug yes so true im starting to see everything you say, showed some friends your write up on what you went through, because when i tell them its like they dont believe me, but hearing it from someone else, all they c,ould say was, gosh we didnt realise, you didnt say hahaha... but its been hell on earth hasnt it... we will get there..... i thin k our brain will have to go through another healing process, from the trauma of 'withdrawal'.  Heres to our healing.

 

 

Hello,


I hope that this reply finds you doing better and seeing some improvements.

 

You are right, we will get there!; and here is to the healing of all here!


My best to you.


pug
 

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pug
On 12/5/2017 at 2:24 PM, gloworm said:

Pug,

Thanks for your response.  Things for me have now become muddled.  I had been on low dose of a benzo  for 30 years.  Prozac was added 4 years at the end of it due to a paradoxical reaction from a K up-dose.  Prozac calmed that storm for me in a very good way.  Been off Prozac for a little over a year and when first off I clearly could tell with these little waves of intrusive thoughts / terror / rage ect. ect.  I figured it was the WD.  But now its constant ...... relationships are over, arguments, resentments, cant be alone , my moods are like a crazy person, no patience .....living the past ect ect.  NOW I just think this is me without a medication....... I'm just a angry, selfish, crazy person....... Did you have this as well ?  

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking your time to reply 

Hello,


Yes, I dealt with most of the things that you mention.  I also thought that maybe it was just me, how I was off of the medication, but I was wrong!  The longer I have gone in this process of recovery the more I know that it was the damage done by the medications that was responsible for all of the challenges.  It has been a learning process of rediscovering what my baseline is; and understanding what is natural for me in how I think and feel mentally, physically and emotionally.

 

So my advice to you is not to assume anything about your behavior and challenges when you are still healing from withdrawal.  I made so many assumptions and judgements during this whole process that turned out to be completely false.  In fact, I think much of the negative judging and assuming is a symptom of withdrawal and that it gets better as we heal; at least that is what I have experienced.  So please don’t condemn yourself to being this or that kind of person, or having this or that condition or malady prematurely.  With time and healing you may come to discover that who you really are is someone that you like, and after recovering from withdrawal, someone who has the wisdom and compassion to accept themselves and others in a new light.


I hope that you are seeing some improvements.


pug
 

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pug
On 12/7/2017 at 1:45 PM, Hellbutrin said:

Pug,

 

When did you start noticing your emotions coming back?

Hello,


It is hard for me to accurately recall, but somewhere in the 15-18 month stage it seemed like emotions were returning, although not well controlled or appropriate for the situation.  I remember crying from all of the hopelessness of my situation, and actually feeling a little encourage that at least I could cry instead of feeling blank and empty.  Emotions continued to come and go, weave in and out of my days, but with time they continued to return and become more stable.

 

Emotions for me now are all back online and mostly appropriate for the situation, and I am more encouraged and hopeful than in a very long time.  I hope that this is happening for you, or that it will very soon.  Regardless; keep going, don’t quit, and give the healing process time to work.


Wishing you healing.


pug
 

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gigi63

Pug, I love when you come back and touch base with us!!!!!  You are so very very encouraging to us who still have much to go on this journey!!!!  Thank you so much!!!!

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gigi63

Pug, the Process is so slow!!!!  But, it sure seems like you experienced a great deal of noticeable healing in your 3 rd year.  Is that accurate?   

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Jorge24
4 hours ago, pug said:

Hello,


Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you and your question.  I hope that you are improving and getting some relief, and I am sorry to hear that you are suffering after taking the medication for such a short time.  In my experience, things will get better and go away with time; that is the magic healing ingredient that has worked for me and so many others; passing time.


Wishing you the best.


pug
 

Thank you so much! Today is 2 month's off Zoloft but i believe time and God is our healing on our journeys.

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nicolantana

Hey pug....the part that I'm struggling with most currently is that part of my brain is missing. The pre frontal cortex I guess ..just feels like a void there....which is scary stuff....did you have similar and how did you notice it going etc...?

 

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Terry4949

Hi pug congratulations on your amazing healing process and your updates , I know you said in a early post that you had used supplements did you find any that were really benificial that you would say made a change. I have a array of supplements at home which I have never taken I am now 10 months of after a c/t from a few meds after nearly 30 years of poly drugging I have tried fish oil but it is to stimulating for me ramps up my symptoms  , I was just curious if any thing made a difference as for every post you read on here about supplements as soon as one person says they found something benificial another post a bad review everything is either toxic and damaging some things alto has said have been benificial to us suffers Giak has said the opposite , gets confusing , I am in the position you were after 10 months so you can appreciate the suffering , I wish you well on you continued healing 

 

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bheb

I come back to this thread often. Thank you so much for sharing, pug.

 

I was having a hard time describing my symptoms and your description of feeling like your insides are all clamped up is spot on for me. It's akathisia-like since it makes me want to move around and release the tension.

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Liamb123456

Hi pug congratulations on healing so much I have just one question with stomach issuses did your stomach always bloat like 24/7 doesn't matter what food you ate and do you have flat tummy

 

Edited by ChessieCat

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Downbutnotout
On 5/29/2017 at 2:03 PM, pug said:

Yes, it will feel like a miracle when it happens for you; and it will happen for you, it is just a matter of time.  I want to get that out there first thing; it is my belief that we will all heal in time; it has happened for me and is continuing to happen and it will happen for you.  Am I completely 100% done healing?  No.  Am I so, so much better?  Oh yes!  Now for some basics:

 

Male, mid 50s, took zoloft for over 20 year, quit cold turkey 3.5 years ago, was off 5 months, thought I was relapsing, so started prozac for 3.5 months and then quit that cold turkey.  Then I found S.A. and discovered what I was dealing with was not a relapse but withdrawal (and recovery).  So yes, I did everything completely wrong and more than once!  I am proof that given time we can heal.

 

I currently just celebrated 30 months of being drug free.  Now, how to begin to describe the inhumane torture that I have endured until very recently; not sure but I will try.  I have gone through both the windows and waves pattern and the continuous misery pattern.  I was one of those that suffered a great deal after quitting, but really got slammed at about 6 months off.  At 1 year I was barely functioning; at 1.5 years I was still miserable, and at 2 years off I was wondering if I was doomed to endless suffering with no end.  But now as I have hit the 2.5 year mark I feel as if I have turned the corner.

 

Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves.  My last serious wave was in months 25-26 and now finally what feels like solid progress the last month or so.  I am hesitant to list symptoms because I know how much it use to scare me to read what others were going through; but on the other hand it really helped when a new symptom would start, because I knew it was part of the recovery process and not some disease or sickness, and most of these are gone or have become minimal although they lasted for months or years.  And just because I experienced them does not mean that you will, we all have a very individual road to recovery; so here they are in no specific order:

 

Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, tremors and pain in the back of my legs and calves, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, extreme bloating and stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, feeling like a bomb had gone off in my head, floating head feeling, super-hot face, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite and weight loss, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, I could not read, listen to music, or meditate, heart palpitations, random traveling aching and stabbing pain throughout my body, headaches, and so many other symptoms that I can’t remember.  The torture, pain, misery, suffering and utter despair was never ending…until it did finally start to end for me and it will for you too.

 

Did anything help me along the way?  I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better.  Did it work?  In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better.  But time passing has been the real healing agent; although that was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was suffering so intensely.  I did find that mindfulness, breathing exercises and physical exercise helped when all else failed and I was so truly desperate.  Many hours were spent just trying to pay attention to my breath going in and out; and I still use this practice as a relaxation method.  It also helped me greatly to visit this website daily as well as Benzo-Buddies.  I read success stories for hours at a time, read the Bloom in Wellness facebook page each day and anything by Baylissa Frederick and also Don Killian.

 

So, what remains for me?  I still have tinnitus (although it has gotten much better over the last month), stomach bloating and pain on occassion, nerve pain, some brain zaps at night, fatigue and tiredness, and sleep issues.  If I had to put some percentages on where I am at now I would say physically I am at about 85-90% healed and mentally/emotionally at 90-95% healed.  I now eat anything that I choose although I eat as healthily as possible because I value life so much now and I want to live as long as possible; I exercise regularly and it feels wonderful; I enjoy caffeinated drinks including regular tea and coffee which I had given up for many months; I also drink wine and beer a couple times a week if I choose to and enjoy it.  I am in the best shape since high school, and have lost 75 pounds (on purpose). Life is good again and just the simple things are more than enough to bring joy and happiness.

 

So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again.  I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!”  And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going!

 

As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign.  Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”.  Wishing everyone here all the best and a quick recovery.  Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to try and help.

 

All my love.

 

Pug

 

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Downbutnotout
1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

Good for you. You must be very determined. 

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sesamepearls

Now this story gives me hope, since I’m going through my own battle with Zoloft withdrawal. Thanks for sharing!

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pug
On 1/10/2018 at 5:45 PM, gigi63 said:

Pug, the Process is so slow!!!!  But, it sure seems like you experienced a great deal of noticeable healing in your 3 rd year.  Is that accurate?   

 

Hello,

 

Yes, each year that has passed I have gotten better and better; maybe so slowly it seems like it is not happening, but it eventually starts to show up.  I am on year 4 now and I can say for certain that it is continuing to improve for me; not without challenges and a step back here and there, but better none the less.  Just keep going and you will see it too.

 

All the best.

 

pug

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pug
On 1/12/2018 at 2:15 AM, nicolantana said:

Hey pug....the part that I'm struggling with most currently is that part of my brain is missing. The pre frontal cortex I guess ..just feels like a void there....which is scary stuff....did you have similar and how did you notice it going etc...?

 

 

Hello,

 

Yes, I often felt as if part of my brain was missing and it was the frontal area just as you say.  There were so many other symptoms happening at the same time and it was just one more to try and cope and deal with, that I felt it had to be part of the healing process.  I did go in for an MRI to rule out anything else, and the MRI came back normal, and that convinced me that it was the withdrawal/recovery process.  It healed just like everything else for me, extremely slowly and with great suffering and misery; until one day I noticed that I didn't have that sensation quite as badly.  It just take time to get better, so keep going and don't give up!

 

I hope it is getting better for you.

 

pug

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pug
On 1/12/2018 at 6:21 AM, Terry4949 said:

Hi pug congratulations on your amazing healing process and your updates , I know you said in a early post that you had used supplements did you find any that were really benificial that you would say made a change. I have a array of supplements at home which I have never taken I am now 10 months of after a c/t from a few meds after nearly 30 years of poly drugging I have tried fish oil but it is to stimulating for me ramps up my symptoms  , I was just curious if any thing made a difference as for every post you read on here about supplements as soon as one person says they found something benificial another post a bad review everything is either toxic and damaging some things alto has said have been benificial to us suffers Giak has said the opposite , gets confusing , I am in the position you were after 10 months so you can appreciate the suffering , I wish you well on you continued healing 

 

 

Hello,

 

I did try different supplements, eating plans, and anything else I could to try and feel better; just like everyone here.  We want to feel better and it seems that feeling so bad must be do to something missing; it can't all be withdrawal and recovery can it?  Well for me the answer was and still is yes, it has all been due to the healing process.  Each person has to seek help or try different supplements, etc. according to what they think will help them.  For me, I gave up on anything making a difference after about 12 to 18 months, and since then I have taken nothing.  I figured that anything that I tried might help but it might also cause problems, so the only sure way for me to know what was happening was to not add anything new.  So I tried my best to live as healthily as possible and give myself time to heal, and that has been the healing potion for me; time has been the healer.

 

I hope you are seeing some improvements; keep going, don't stop and let time work its magic!

 

pug

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pug
On 2/5/2018 at 1:04 PM, Downbutnotout said:
On 2/5/2018 at 11:51 AM, Downbutnotout said:

Good for you. You must be very determined. 

 

Hello there,

 

Yes, the only thing that I can point to that has been the secret to success is to be determined and keep going!  Just like your user name, we here are down, but we are not out; not by a long ways.  We are still there underneath all of the suffering and misery and we just have to keep going to rediscover ourselves.  I have no special talent or skills that you and everyone else here doesn't also have; I have just kept moving forward and things have improved and gotten better.  It has been a long haul, and a roller coaster ride through hell, but I refused to let it beat me and I am now seeing the finish line get closer and closer.  So please keep going and don't stop; that sunny, distant shore of healing and hope await you!

 

pug

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bgoggles1

Hi pug. I am not sure if you check this site anymore but I have been on anti-depressants for two-and-a-half years. I quit cold turkey when I was pregnant. And then my doctor took me off very quickly off of Zoloft after taking it for 8 months after the pregnancy. I tried to reinstate but had an adverse reaction. Now I'm in the Thrones of withdrawal and the dizziness and brain sensations, especially in the morning are extremely intense. I feel like I've damaged my brain way too much. The sensations and the spins and the falling Sensations in my head are unbelievable.How did you exercise and workout during the vertigo and dizziness? I try to do some simple stretches but walking right now just seems impossible. I feel like I am just in a huge wave with a cluster of symptoms. I honestly don't know how you worked through all the symptoms. It's hard to even walk to my kitchen and back. Thank you for your success story. It does give me hope. I'm not sure how long my recovery will be but I'm hoping for some windows here soon. I'm sure you're living your life now good and well. Thanks for checking back in if you could.

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EthanC

Hey pug,

 

During those ~20 months where you were healing, were you working?

 

How did you lead a normal life or pay for your expenses?

 

All the best,

 

Ethan

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pug
On 3/26/2018 at 7:42 AM, bgoggles1 said:

Hi pug. I am not sure if you check this site anymore but I have been on anti-depressants for two-and-a-half years. I quit cold turkey when I was pregnant. And then my doctor took me off very quickly off of Zoloft after taking it for 8 months after the pregnancy. I tried to reinstate but had an adverse reaction. Now I'm in the Thrones of withdrawal and the dizziness and brain sensations, especially in the morning are extremely intense. I feel like I've damaged my brain way too much. The sensations and the spins and the falling Sensations in my head are unbelievable.How did you exercise and workout during the vertigo and dizziness? I try to do some simple stretches but walking right now just seems impossible. I feel like I am just in a huge wave with a cluster of symptoms. I honestly don't know how you worked through all the symptoms. It's hard to even walk to my kitchen and back. Thank you for your success story. It does give me hope. I'm not sure how long my recovery will be but I'm hoping for some windows here soon. I'm sure you're living your life now good and well. Thanks for checking back in if you could.

 

On 3/31/2018 at 3:03 AM, EthanC said:

Hey pug,

 

During those ~20 months where you were healing, were you working?

 

How did you lead a normal life or pay for your expenses?

 

All the best,

 

Ethan

 

Hello,

 

I did my best to continue to exercise through withdrawal/recovery, even if it was just a short walk.  There were many days, weeks, months, that I could not do anything at all, but as soon as possible I would try to start again.  I had no control over my health so I tried to take control of anything that I could and that is why I would try to do some exercise whenever possible; it gave me a sense of control.  Like most things about withdrawal/recovery, when I look back I have no idea how I managed to exercise, or do anything for that matter.  I can be a stubborn person, and I don’t like to give up, and I think that helped me to continue to try even when feeling so badly and after failing for so many times.

 

The good news is that I exercise almost every day now!  I like to walk, run, and have started weightlifting again.  My recovery still continues and I still have some challenges, but I have seen the improvements happen for me and I see no reason that they won’t happen for you also; you just have to keep going and don’t give up!


About work, the ability to continue to keep working and hold a job is a very real concern.  Ideally we would be able to stay at home and recover without the added challenges of working, but for many of us that is not an option and so we must do what we can, succeed or not.  I truthfully should have lost my job and I can’t understand why I didn’t, other than pure luck and fortune timing.  I suffered many, many hours of distress worrying about my job and if I would be able to continue to work and I had to come to grips with the possibility that my desire to continue to work would not match up with the reality of my challenges, especially as I became more and more ill.  It is a cruel and unfair thing for a person to have to contemplate and deal with, but we are forced to do so.

 

My injured brain was barely functional, but I put together the best plan that I could.  I felt like my sanity was in question and I knew that the constant worry and stress concerning my job was not helping and probably making things worse, so I had to come up with something to cope with the situation, at least the best strategy that I could devise with a brain that was so messed up.

 

I spoke with my supervisor about my health challenges, I did not reveal what I thought the cause was, withdrawal, but instead explained that I was under a doctor’s care and that they were uncertain of what was the cause of all my symptoms (true), and that I was actively pursuing all avenues of assistance.  I let my supervisor know that it was my intention to continue to work through my illness to the best of my ability, but that I could not predict what the future held and that I may be taking more sick time off than I wanted to, so that I could manage things with doctor’s appointments and time off when I felt too ill to work.

 

I filed FMLA paperwork to give me some protection and access to additional time off, and looked into any other options available to me.  I also figured that if I was let go I would get at least 6 months of unemployment insurance, and that on future applications or job interviews I could say that I lost my job due to medical reasons.  After doing these things, I felt that I had done all that I could to keep my job.  So with all of that in place I got up each morning and if possible, went into work.

 

I was extremely fortunate that I had a supervisor and coworkers who were understanding and supportive; that many of my worst times happened when work was the least challenging; that a concerned coworker helped me much more than they needed to so that I could complete projects; and that I have a clerical desk type job that requires minimal physical movement; and that I had been at my job for a long time and many things were second nature and I knew them well and had processes in place to help me; but I understand that I was very, very lucky.

 

My work productivity and quality suffered for sure; I made mistakes; I was absent more than usual, and it was touch and go for many months.  I was terrified to go to work but somehow forced myself to go; I had panic attacks, paranoia, OCD, depression, mania, and all of the nasty mental, physical, and emotional symptoms while I was at work; it was pure hell.  The only thing that kept me going was desperation because I needed the job to survive, but I truly don’t know how I did it.  I consider myself extremely fortunate and know that many things fell in place for me to keep working, and given different circumstances I would have lost my job or quit.

 

I don't wish my experience of trying to hold a job on anyone, it was a hell unlike anything I could have imagined. But the good news is that I have improved greatly and work is now just work, and not a combat zone.

 

Wishing everyone continued healing!

 

pug
 

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EthanC

Thank you for answering pug.

 

One last question, were you ever a smoker?

 

Ethan

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pug
On 4/15/2018 at 10:59 AM, EthanC said:

Thank you for answering pug.

 

One last question, were you ever a smoker?

 

Ethan

 

Hello,

 

No, I was never a smoker.

 

Hope you are seeing some improvements.

 

pug

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musk

Hello, Pug.

Reading your story is very important to me. My question is, how long did insomnia last for you? and how long did akathisia last? Thank you.

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Liamb123456
On 5/29/2017 at 7:03 PM, pug said:

Yes, it will feel like a miracle when it happens for you; and it will happen for you, it is just a matter of time.  I want to get that out there first thing; it is my belief that we will all heal in time; it has happened for me and is continuing to happen and it will happen for you.  Am I completely 100% done healing?  No.  Am I so, so much better?  Oh yes!  Now for some basics:

 

Male, mid 50s, took zoloft for over 20 year, quit cold turkey 3.5 years ago, was off 5 months, thought I was relapsing, so started prozac for 3.5 months and then quit that cold turkey.  Then I found S.A. and discovered what I was dealing with was not a relapse but withdrawal (and recovery).  So yes, I did everything completely wrong and more than once!  I am proof that given time we can heal.

 

I currently just celebrated 30 months of being drug free.  Now, how to begin to describe the inhumane torture that I have endured until very recently; not sure but I will try.  I have gone through both the windows and waves pattern and the continuous misery pattern.  I was one of those that suffered a great deal after quitting, but really got slammed at about 6 months off.  At 1 year I was barely functioning; at 1.5 years I was still miserable, and at 2 years off I was wondering if I was doomed to endless suffering with no end.  But now as I have hit the 2.5 year mark I feel as if I have turned the corner.

 

Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves.  My last serious wave was in months 25-26 and now finally what feels like solid progress the last month or so.  I am hesitant to list symptoms because I know how much it use to scare me to read what others were going through; but on the other hand it really helped when a new symptom would start, because I knew it was part of the recovery process and not some disease or sickness, and most of these are gone or have become minimal although they lasted for months or years.  And just because I experienced them does not mean that you will, we all have a very individual road to recovery; so here they are in no specific order:

 

Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, tremors and pain in the back of my legs and calves, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, extreme bloating and stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, feeling like a bomb had gone off in my head, floating head feeling, super-hot face, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite and weight loss, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, I could not read, listen to music, or meditate, heart palpitations, random traveling aching and stabbing pain throughout my body, headaches, and so many other symptoms that I can’t remember.  The torture, pain, misery, suffering and utter despair was never ending…until it did finally start to end for me and it will for you too.

 

Did anything help me along the way?  I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better.  Did it work?  In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better.  But time passing has been the real healing agent; although that was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was suffering so intensely.  I did find that mindfulness, breathing exercises and physical exercise helped when all else failed and I was so truly desperate.  Many hours were spent just trying to pay attention to my breath going in and out; and I still use this practice as a relaxation method.  It also helped me greatly to visit this website daily as well as Benzo-Buddies.  I read success stories for hours at a time, read the Bloom in Wellness facebook page each day and anything by Baylissa Frederick and also Don Killian.

 

So, what remains for me?  I still have tinnitus (although it has gotten much better over the last month), stomach bloating and pain on occassion, nerve pain, some brain zaps at night, fatigue and tiredness, and sleep issues.  If I had to put some percentages on where I am at now I would say physically I am at about 85-90% healed and mentally/emotionally at 90-95% healed.  I now eat anything that I choose although I eat as healthily as possible because I value life so much now and I want to live as long as possible; I exercise regularly and it feels wonderful; I enjoy caffeinated drinks including regular tea and coffee which I had given up for many months; I also drink wine and beer a couple times a week if I choose to and enjoy it.  I am in the best shape since high school, and have lost 75 pounds (on purpose). Life is good again and just the simple things are more than enough to bring joy and happiness.

 

So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again.  I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!”  And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going!

 

As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign.  Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”.  Wishing everyone here all the best and a quick recovery.  Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to try and help.

 

All my love.

 

Pug

Hi pug did your vision go back to normal I'm 8 half months out and mine is still very bad 

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Melissa5000
On 5/29/2017 at 8:03 PM, pug said:

Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves.  

 

Hello Pug I want you to know that I read your story many times. Your story gives me hope! I am so happy that you wrote your story on SA.

 

It looks like you had a very hard time in the first years of your withdrawal. But looking backwards, did you notice some improvements after the first year? 

 

I am in heavy withdrawal at the moment as many of us are. I have heavy muscle pain and nerve pain and a burning feeling in my body. It is so bad, I can hardly walk. I can walk around 850 meter. Then I have to sit down. I feel very handicapped. How far could you walk in early withdrawal and what distance could you walk after a year? If you can remember it? When did you notice your first improvements even if they were small improvements? I am obviously looking for some bright spots to look forward to!  :D

 

I am very happy that you are doing so well! You deserve it after those heavy years. 

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Peachy
On 5/29/2017 at 11:03 AM, pug said:

Did anything help me along the way?  I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better.  Did it work?  In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better. 

Hey Pug,

I am still in the throes of WD/tapering, and I was looking for some advice. i see that you did sugar-free. were you able to tolerate natural sugars, like honey and maple syrup, or coconut sugar? Just wondering if it would be helpful to cut these out too? How did you quench a sweet tooth??!!

Anyone else's input would be appreciated! 

 

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musk

Those of you who have the experience, like you, Pug,  I'll be grateful if you tell me how does a window feel exactly? That changes?

 

Are there more windows once you've had a couple of brief windows? More time, more normal? More often? Or it has nothing to do and it is better not to expect anything?

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powerback
On ‎5‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 5:33 AM, Peachy said:

Hey Pug,

I am still in the throes of WD/tapering, and I was looking for some advice. i see that you did sugar-free. were you able to tolerate natural sugars, like honey and maple syrup, or coconut sugar? Just wondering if it would be helpful to cut these out too? How did you quench a sweet tooth??!!

Anyone else's input would be appreciated! 

 

Hi Peachey here are some videos that should help you ,sugar is a serious poison to our systems .take care . 

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Peachy

thanks @powerback! I cut out regular sugar long ago, but i was actually wondering if the Honey, Maple Syrup and coconut sugar's were also helpful to cut out, as I have continued to consume these... 

 

 

 

 

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powerback
38 minutes ago, Peachy said:

thanks @powerback! I cut out regular sugar long ago, but i was actually wondering if the Honey, Maple Syrup and coconut sugar's were also helpful to cut out, as I have continued to consume these... 

 

 

 

 

Ye ide say so because its all the same in our system ,even fruits [fructose] have an affect .these videos would point you in the best direction for a sweet tooth .eat your fruit because it has the fibre ,fruit juices are rocket fuel of sugar .the saying is eat your fruits and juice your veg [eat veg also]

Take care 

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Peachy

thanks @powerback!

 

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bgoggles1

Hi pug, did you have the feeling of your brain banging on the sides of your head, sloshing around, dizziness in the head and severe zaps? It's horrid... 

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Sandman

Pug, you gave me a new hope to live. I was on Zoloft 100 for 8 years. I am 27 years old now. The medicine has taken away my sexual function. I have stopped the medication 3 months ago but I am still unable to attain erection. Moreover, depression, dementia, mood swings, intense anxiety, sudden emotional outbursts are killing me. I think of killing myself as my life has become an unbearable tragedy. I am a walking dead man. 

 

However, your success story of recovery is giving me hope to have patience. Thank you. However, I don't know if I will ever have my normal sexual function back. Waiting to hear from you.

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