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21 minutes ago, SadDoll said:

I feel like an atheist lately. I WANT to believe but it all seems so far etched and fantastical. I dont know whats wrong with me lately, faith wise. I want to be a Christian so badly.

 

Do you feel like God has healed you?

 

God is healing me - in His perfect timing, in His perfect way, according to His perfect plan.

 

For He knows the plans He has for each one of His children - plans for our good welfare and to give us a hope and a future. It may not seem like it now, but He promises that if You place your faith in Him - of You make Jesus the Lord of Your life - that He will work all things together for the good of those who love Him.

 

Trials do come. But He is with us in our trials, ever faithful to bring us through the fire refined like gold. Remember, this is our Creator - and He did not withhold the life of His only begotten Son, so that whosoever believes in Him will have not only eternal life, but the promise of His real and tangible presence in our lives on earth every day.

 

When withdrawal started for me, I pressed in to Him more. Oh, to be sure, there have been times when I have gotten frustrated and angry with God. I have wonder where He is and why things seem to be taking so long. That's when I press in to Him even more. I try to read the Bible every day. I started with the Gospels, so I would be reminded of just how awesome God is. And on particularly bad days, I open the Psalms and read, even if I have to do it through my tears.

 

Pick up your Bible. Read and find comfort there. He will never leave You nor forsake You, and His Word never returns void.

 

SJ

 

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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Hi Rupa.

 

Thanks, how are you?

 

I like sleeping yeah

_-----------

Doll,

You are very fortunate that your cold turkey with drawal symptoms not effected your sleeping pattern.

Unfortunately for so many people, their sleep pattern destroyed.

I am one among them.:(

Cold turkeyed risperidone (1m.g)and trihexyphenidyl combination drug out of ignorance,In August 2016 after one month use.

Withdrawal symptoms settled at dreamful,disturbing sleep.

Thus introduced to olanzapine for sleep.Started using olanzapine out of ignorance.

Tapering olanzapine 10 m.g from February 2017.

May 2018 :Still suffering dreams,Still tapering olanzapine at 0.625.100ml water+2.5 mg olanzapine. June 2018 22.5ml=0.57mg.July 2018 20ml,August 2018-17.5ml,September 2018-15ml,October 2018 10 ml,December 2018 7 ml, BrassMonkey slide method so far at lower doses.2 nd December cold turkeyed , only to reach minure doses as reinstatement to cutshort endless tapering process.4rth December started 1ml.

Almost no symptoms and sleep is better,So started 0.5 ml from 17-12-2018.

"0"from31-12-18.Re birth happened from 10- 2020,as rejuvenation took whole2019.Completely recovered now.

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I've had a rough last 3 years. I should really write my history on a signature but I'm not sure how to(anyone know?).

 

I'll just give a quick synopsis here:

Lexapro 20-25mg from late 2011 (aged 19) to mid/late 2013

Switched to

Lustral 150mg (aged 22) from late 2013-early/mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) while living away from home in another country and while nearly constantly being high and/or drunk. Bad idea, obviously.

 

I'm 24 now and free from SSRIs since the time I cold turkeyed.

 

Sex drive and capacity for romantic feelings went from extremely high to non existent. This happened after quitting lustral.

 

I've had vague flashes of emotion here and there, bt they're few and far between. And mostly blunted. Plus usually I cant recognise them.

 

Went to the doctors 2 years ago and they didnt believe me. Said it was depression causing my sexual anhedonia and emotional apathy and that the SSRIs should be out of my system.

Got redirected to a psychiatrist who told me the same thing. Then prescribed me more medication. I said no. 

 

Fast forward 2 years. Since then I have been with several men. And nothing. No arousal. No desire. No romantic feelings. 

 

The ironic thing, and you cant make this stuff up, is that I always had a feeling/fear of never falling in love again after someone broke my heart back in 2012. I rationalised that I felt it before, it will happen again. Three years later I still have the same problem. I'm not attracted to anyone. 

 

I stumble across PSSD and my worst nightmare is confirmed. I want to die. I still do. Now more than ever.

 

The general consensus online is that my brain is permanently damaged and that I will never be able to fall in love again. Never be able to feel lust again.

 

I've tried to get aroused. I cant. I cant remember how. I've forgotten what it felt like. The whole idea of sexual arousal is foreign to me.

I've broken hearts and made men hate me with how cold and unloving I am.

 

I'm not a human. Human's feel and have chemical reactions.

 

Jesus. This cant be it for the rest of my life, can it? It's torture. 

 

But I dont want false hope. I'm sick to death of false hope. I want to know who here has gone through what I have and came out the other side?

 

Felt love again? Felt horny again? Forgove my crudeness. 

 

I'd be angry if I could. I dont feel anything. 

 

I've posted before but never heard back from someone who used to feel like this and turned out ok.

 

I dont mean to bring anyone down, I'm desperate. 

 

I feel like I'm frozen in time, never moving forward.

 

I was in a mental health facility that specialised in suicidal people this morning with my mother and I remember looking over at her and thinking it wasn't fair on her. She suffers so much because of me.

 

She would wait with me while I was in and out of therapists, psychologists, and mental health specialists since I was 11. 13 years I've put her through this. I feel like her life would be better off without me. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by scallywag
merged topics, "PSSD and anhedonia"

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, providing a signature is helpful for mods and members.

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Hi SadDoll

 

I have not gone through this myself so cannot offer a first hand account but from what I've read, three years is not necessarily unusual for numbness of emotion etc to persist, especially after cold turkeying and/or a high dose, and you should eventually start recovering. Every person is different and one person's timeframe does not automatically apply to another's. Please do not give up hope. Also, as a mother I am sure that your own mother loves you dearly and would much rather have you in her life than not, regardless of the situation, and would suffer far more from your absence than from any issues relating to your health condition. This situation is not your fault and you deserve care, love and happiness. I hope and pray that you will turn a corner very soon. x

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17 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Yes, providing a signature is helpful for mods and members.

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

Thanks. I tried to do it there, hopefully it'll work.

 

Can anyone please help me? Please? I've been reaching and no one seems to help me in terms of giving advice.

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

SadDoll, I've moved your post to the Introductions Forum so that more people will see your question.

 

Both PSSD and anhedonia are a withdrawal symptoms. For more information, please read these topics

PSSD: Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction.

Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, and emotional numbness.

 

Thank you for posting your medication history in your signature.

Edited by scallywag

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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21 hours ago, SummerRain said:

Hi SadDoll

 

I have not gone through this myself so cannot offer a first hand account but from what I've read, three years is not necessarily unusual for numbness of emotion etc to persist, especially after cold turkeying and/or a high dose, and you should eventually start recovering. Every person is different and one person's timeframe does not automatically apply to another's. Please do not give up hope. Also, as a mother I am sure that your own mother loves you dearly and would much rather have you in her life than not, regardless of the situation, and would suffer far more from your absence than from any issues relating to your health condition. This situation is not your fault and you deserve care, love and happiness. I hope and pray that you will turn a corner very soon. x

Hi, thank you for your response. I just saw this.

 

I'd be so angry if I could about what happened. Ironically I remember worrying about this years before it even happened. And I didnt even know this was possible then. Back then I never heard of PSSD or SSRI induced anhedonia.

 

I hope that the people that make these disgusting meds suffer the worst fate. 

 

I used to be nice. Was capable of empathy and compassion. I feel so horrible now. I miss drugs. I might resort to them instead of suicide.

 

I know I sound disgusting and negative but no one seems to understand and I'm here alone in this perpetual inner silence.

 

I hate this so much

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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14 hours ago, scallywag said:

SadDoll, I've moved your post to the Introductions Forum so that more people will see your question.

 

Both PSSD and anhedonia are a withdrawal symptoms. For more information, please read these topics

PSSD: Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction.

Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, and emotional numbness.

 

Thank you for posting your medication history in your signature.

Thanks Scallywag 

 

Do you know anyone like me that went back to normal?

 

 

Edited by scallywag

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

From what I have read on this website, PSSD and anhedonia do get better and go way.  It does take time.  If you can, lock into the idea that you will get better and that you are healing at this very minute and  your brain is working constantly to fix the damage done by the drugs--and that you will emerge from this stronger and able to feel again.  You are young and that's a big advantage.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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33 minutes ago, Gridley said:

From what I have read on this website, PSSD and anhedonia do get better and go way.  It does take time.  If you can, lock into the idea that you will get better and that you are healing at this very minute and  your brain is working constantly to fix the damage done by the drugs--and that you will emerge from this stronger and able to feel again.  You are young and that's a big advantage.

Thanks Gridley.

 

I dont know if being young has anything to do with recovery. I was 19, when i started and 21 when I abruptly stopped. The brain doesn't stop maturing until 24. 

 

Also, I was on a much higher dose thsn anyone I camw across here (150mg because my doctors are idiots)

 

Also, being young isn't a good thing for this. 2 years ago I was distraught over this and I still am. The last 3 years without my emotions and libido felt like 3 decades. 

I cant even begin to imagine how much the years ahead will drag.

 

I'm sorry for my negative attitude, I can only imagine how annoying I am. 

 

I just want to reaet my brain and restart my heart.

 

Also, since SSRIs, my heart rate is really low. Even after exercise. Can anyone else here relate to this?

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Hi sad doll ,your in an extremely anxious state ,my relationships are hanging by a thread because I'm in so much torture ,the neuro emotions that is talked about here are extremely powerful  and over take us  ,you've got to have compassion for yourself ,its a must .of course its your decision if going back on meds will stop all this pain and suffering but you got to build up your defences when the waves come crashing .you got to stick to symptoms and self care section and read positive posts ,think of it like this ,you wouldn't go out in the freezing cold without wrapping up ,we got to get better at realizing what our minds are telling us,

I know this isn't great help this minute but the mods know there stuff ,please try other ways to calm yourself ,I can relate to your negative talk ,a counsellor once told me I had the most destructive self critic they have  ever seen,im working on  being better to myself ever since then ,if I don't ile always be on meds .you are far from alone with your symptoms ,its just that when others are suffering they don't come onto the site because the smallest thing can trigger them but you got to learn that we ourselves are the only ones that can actually change our circumstances and future ,it will get better but when your in thus state you've got to learn healthy distractions

respect and always believe in  recovery

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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1 minute ago, powerback said:

Hi sad doll ,your in an extremely anxious state ,my relationships are hanging by a thread because I'm in so much torture ,the neuro emotions that is talked about here are extremely powerful  and over take us  ,you've got to have compassion for yourself ,its a must .of course its your decision if going back on meds will stop all this pain and suffering but you got to build up your defences when the waves come crashing .you got to stick to symptoms and self care section and read positive posts ,think of it like this ,you wouldn't go out in the freezing cold without wrapping up ,we got to get better at realizing what our minds are telling us,

I know this isn't great help this minute but the mods know there stuff ,please try other ways to calm yourself ,I can relate to your negative talk ,a counsellor once told me I had the most destructive self critic they have  ever seen,im working on  being better to myself ever since then ,if I don't ile always be on meds .you are far from alone with your symptoms ,its just that when others are suffering they don't come onto the site because the smallest thing can trigger them but you got to learn that we ourselves are the only ones that can actually change our circumstances and future ,it will get better but when your in thus state you've got to learn healthy distractions

respect and always believe in  recovery

PB

Hi PB

 

I'm not anxious, I'm empty.

 

I'm not planning on going back on SSRIs, I meant recreational drugs.

I cant stand this numbness. No love. No libido. No laughter. No joy.

 

And the weird thing is, no one here seems to relate. No one. 

 

I'm three years off them and I feel deader than ever.

How can I change this? I cant mend my damaged brain.

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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5 minutes ago, SadDoll said:

Hi PB

 

I'm not anxious, I'm empty.

 

I'm not planning on going back on SSRIs, I meant recreational drugs.

I cant stand this numbness. No love. No libido. No laughter. No joy.

 

And the weird thing is, no one here seems to relate. No one. 

 

I'm three years off them and I feel deader than ever.

How can I change this? I cant mend my damaged brain.

ye I can relate to a lot you say and have a lot of your symptoms  ,3 years off them and what your dealing with is a lot so my heart goes out to you, in my opinion going back to recreational drugs will just mask all these symptoms and kick the can down the road ,I'm extremely happy I'm away from that lifestyle myself and will never go back ,do you walk in nature ,I crave this myself ,helps me loads to relax ,absolutely everything needs to be looked at in our life ,diet ,environment ,values ,sleep ,negative self talk ,.our nervous systems become sensitized after being bombarded by drugs ,so maybe do a list of what's going into your body ,sugar is absolute poison to the best of nervous systems, you mite be looking around your peers and say why this happened to me ,its common for us to do this ,but in time when you get past this ,they'll be running to you with questions like ,your so strong how'd you do it ,please find  members that have come out the other side of this .

I totally understand you want a quick fix but there just isn't ,I'm still recovering from a withdrawl induced breakdown in November [I refused Zyprexa and hospital],but you know what ,I've still contributed to more than I would of a few years ago ,when all I did was sit in pubs and be hungover the next day ,my point is we don't know the future but we can help and prepare ourselves better by healthier choices .

get out of that mind-set of no one relating ,because we do believe me ,the depression I had over winter has me fearing this winter but I understand it came from the breakdown. I used to go to youtube  and I found great stories of people getting through depression and it really helped .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hi SadDoll

 

I relate. I'm completely disinterested in romantic relationships and have been for a couple of years. In the past, I've craved love too and became wrapped up in relationships. I think I have never been comfortable with the emptiness that I can feel when I'm alone.

 

I have been battling with depression and withdrawal from citalopram lately, and I'm coming to the conclusion that I've used relationships to escape myself, in a way, in the past. I feel that I need to work on creating a healthier and stronger version of myself (which involves a lot of compassion and patience).

 

If I'm meant to have another relationship I will in future because it feels right to me (ie I will be able to feel attachment and attraction again) and because I will be a different person, in a way. Life is like that ... you think you'll never move forward, but then you do. When you look back, it's as if you magically morphed into another version of yourself. 

 

I am a bit older than you, so I think back on phases of my life. I wish I could tell my younger self to relax and not worry about the future so much. We can exaggerate problems that will naturally resolve over time, and make ourselves suffer in the process. 

 

As for feeling numb, I am just going through the motions until the feelings follow. It has worked for me in the past. 

 

I believe that your brain can heal (based on personal experience) but you need to support yourself and find the self-help tools that work for you.

 

It will get better!

Citalopram: Feb 2016 to May 2017. I tapered over 2 weeks under the supervision of my GP.

Dosage: 20mg pd.

Tapering: 20mg every 2nd day for 1 week, 20mg every 3rd day for 1 week.

Reason to quit: Mitral valve prolapse - disturbing palpitations and chest pain which resolved off meds; weight gain.

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3 minutes ago, SidTheButterfly said:

Hi SadDoll

 

I relate. I'm completely disinterested in romantic relationships and have been for a couple of years. In the past, I've craved love too and became wrapped up in relationships. I think I have never been comfortable with the emptiness that I can feel when I'm alone.

 

I have been battling with depression and withdrawal from citalopram lately, and I'm coming to the conclusion that I've used relationships to escape myself, in a way, in the past. I feel that I need to work on creating a healthier and stronger version of myself (which involves a lot of compassion and patience).

 

If I'm meant to have another relationship I will in future because it feels right to me (ie I will be able to feel attachment and attraction again) and because I will be a different person, in a way. Life is like that ... you think you'll never move forward, but then you do. When you look back, it's as if you magically morphed into another version of yourself. 

 

I am a bit older than you, so I think back on phases of my life. I wish I could tell my younger self to relax and not worry about the future so much. We can exaggerate problems that will naturally resolve over time, and make ourselves suffer in the process. 

 

As for feeling numb, I am just going through the motions until the feelings follow. It has worked for me in the past. 

 

I believe that your brain can heal (based on personal experience) but you need to support yourself and find the self-help tools that work for you.

 

It will get better!

No offense, I really dont mean to be rude, but this does not make me feel better. The fact that you're still incapable too makes me even more depressed.

 

I really dont think I'll get through this.

 

I dont think we will feel romantic love again, forgive my frankness.

 

I hope you will, but I dont see it happening for me.

 

Did I mention that I was put on the 150mg for having an OCD obsession about never feeling love again?

 

It doesn't get more ironic than that. And it doesn't get better. I hope big pharma rots in hell, if there is one.

 

I haven't been attracted to anyone since 2012. I haven't felt arousal since 2013.

I was in my early 20s when this got robbed from me.

 

They've done studies on mice and the SSRIs destroyed their brains.

I want to die. I dont want to live the rest of my life emotionless and sexless.

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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12 minutes ago, powerback said:

ye I can relate to a lot you say and have a lot of your symptoms  ,3 years off them and what your dealing with is a lot so my heart goes out to you, in my opinion going back to recreational drugs will just mask all these symptoms and kick the can down the road ,I'm extremely happy I'm away from that lifestyle myself and will never go back ,do you walk in nature ,I crave this myself ,helps me loads to relax ,absolutely everything needs to be looked at in our life ,diet ,environment ,values ,sleep ,negative self talk ,.our nervous systems become sensitized after being bombarded by drugs ,so maybe do a list of what's going into your body ,sugar is absolute poison to the best of nervous systems, you mite be looking around your peers and say why this happened to me ,its common for us to do this ,but in time when you get past this ,they'll be running to you with questions like ,your so strong how'd you do it ,please find  members that have come out the other side of this .

I totally understand you want a quick fix but there just isn't ,I'm still recovering from a withdrawl induced breakdown in November [I refused Zyprexa and hospital],but you know what ,I've still contributed to more than I would of a few years ago ,when all I did was sit in pubs and be hungover the next day ,my point is we don't know the future but we can help and prepare ourselves better by healthier choices .

get out of that mind-set of no one relating ,because we do believe me ,the depression I had over winter has me fearing this winter but I understand it came from the breakdown. I used to go to youtube  and I found great stories of people getting through depression and it really helped .

Thank you. Sorry, i dont understand a lot of your message.

Do you feel sny big better now than what you were? Any improvements? 

Sorry to hear about your depression this winter. I hope you feel better 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Sad to hear what these drugs have done to you. I have very similar syptoms and fears as you but I don't think those problems so much as earlier.

 

I smoked weed very huge amounts for many years in the past. I also have worried could it have done some damage to my brains. Luckily I found story about guy who had also smoked weed and drinked alcohol very much during the time he was on SSRI's and he had very similar syptoms as we have. Finally after some years his PSSD went away and he got back all the emotions what he had before the withdrawal. I can't remember where I found that short story. Hopefully you feel better soon! Unfortunaly the healing will take time but everything will be ok some day! :)

I'm not a native english speaker, sorry!

 

My history with Sertraline:

 

November 2009 - September 2013: most of the time my dose was 100 mg but when I stoped taking it first time my dose was 25 mg.

 

Unfornately I decided to start taking Sertraline again in April 2014. My new dose was 50 mg.

I took my last pill of Sertraline in November 2014. Then my dose was 25 mg.

 

Symptoms: PSSD, anhedonia and emotional anesthesia

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2 minutes ago, Sampo said:

Sad to hear what these drugs have done to you. I have very similar syptoms and fears as you but I don't think those problems so much as earlier.

 

I smoked weed very huge amounts for many years in the past. I also have worried could it have done some damage to my brains. Luckily I found story about guy who had also smoked weed and drinked alcohol very much during the time he was on SSRI's and he had very similar syptoms as we have. Finally after some years his PSSD went away and he got back all the emotions what he had before the withdrawal. I can't remember where I found that short story. Hopefully you feel better soon! Unfortunaly the healing will take time but everything will be ok some day! :)

How long have you felt like this?

 

I've smoked weed almost constantly for around 4 years, plus i binged drank 3-5 times a night for 4 years too. For one year i was addicted to this really dangerous drug called spice, which I would nearly always smoke large quanitites of and very often. I also did MDMA while on SSRIs (which can cause serotonin syndrome) plus I smoked God knows what guven to me by strangers in parties and clubs sometimes. Could have bwen anything, I didn't care. 

I was almost constantly high and/or drunk. I was always on nights out and in house parties. 

For four years, I would never go a full week sober. 

I only stopped smoking weed and drinking often this year. I even cut down on smoking cigarettes, something I have done since I was 16. I was smoking and drinking and getting high since I was 16.

But it was only when I was 19 after starting SSRIs did it become a regualr thing and eventually my whole life.

 

What about you?

 

How long were you smoking weed for?

Thank you for sharing that story of recovery. I'd love to read it.

 

If you come acroas it again please let me know

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Sorry for typos

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
Just now, SadDoll said:

Thank you. Sorry, i dont understand a lot of your message.

Do you feel sny big better now than what you were? Any improvements? 

Sorry to hear about your depression this winter. I hope you feel better 

haha I don't blame you not understanding ,I can ramble on .ye I do see improvements along side the symptoms .I've got past the worst of the depression and believe me it was as bad as it gets ,but I learned loads of coping tools and mindfulness helped loads ,when a nasty thought comes into our mind we can catch it and witness it how it makes us feel .

don't get me started on big pharma and these drugs ide ramble for days :D ,

you are entitled to be angry but don't let it fester ,maybe take up boxing ,keep boxing that anger into a bag ,from my experience you are turning that anger inward to yourself and please stop that  .

I'm better at getting out of bad moods ,and calming myself down quicker from a Nuero emotion.ive come to accept it takes time ,ide say I'm up there like yourself on the chronic symptom list ,but if your pining to go back on recreational drugs that means your mind isn't open to learning to ways to cope [Its totally understandable to want the drugs ,but they only create fake feelings and cost money and in the end create more problems  ]

I watch loads of comedy and documentaries ,but I used to have a bad habit of watching real crime documentaries ,I now realise this was creating a permanent state of anger in me ,my point is be ultra mindfull of what makes you tick negatively .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Cool, I won't reply again :)

 

Just thought you'd like to know that you're not alone. 

 

 

Citalopram: Feb 2016 to May 2017. I tapered over 2 weeks under the supervision of my GP.

Dosage: 20mg pd.

Tapering: 20mg every 2nd day for 1 week, 20mg every 3rd day for 1 week.

Reason to quit: Mitral valve prolapse - disturbing palpitations and chest pain which resolved off meds; weight gain.

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3 minutes ago, SidTheButterfly said:

Cool, I won't reply again :)

 

Just thought you'd like to know that you're not alone. 

 

 

Look, sorry I was rude. I'm in a pit of despair

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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23 minutes ago, powerback said:

haha I don't blame you not understanding ,I can ramble on .ye I do see improvements along side the symptoms .I've got past the worst of the depression and believe me it was as bad as it gets ,but I learned loads of coping tools and mindfulness helped loads ,when a nasty thought comes into our mind we can catch it and witness it how it makes us feel .

don't get me started on big pharma and these drugs ide ramble for days :D ,

you are entitled to be angry but don't let it fester ,maybe take up boxing ,keep boxing that anger into a bag ,from my experience you are turning that anger inward to yourself and please stop that  .

I'm better at getting out of bad moods ,and calming myself down quicker from a Nuero emotion.ive come to accept it takes time ,ide say I'm up there like yourself on the chronic symptom list ,but if your pining to go back on recreational drugs that means your mind isn't open to learning to ways to cope [Its totally understandable to want the drugs ,but they only create fake feelings and cost money and in the end create more problems  ]

I watch loads of comedy and documentaries ,but I used to have a bad habit of watching real crime documentaries ,I now realise this was creating a permanent state of anger in me ,my point is be ultra mindfull of what makes you tick negatively .

I dont have any emotions.

 

What's a neuro emotion?

 

Count yourself lucky that you feel anger.

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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5 minutes ago, SidTheButterfly said:

Cool, I won't reply again :)

 

Just thought you'd like to know that you're not alone. 

 

 

It's just that basically you're incapable of romantic love for years too.

What makes you think we can get better? No improvements have occured for me. Have they for you?

Again, I dont mean to sound rude. Just being honest. 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
1 minute ago, SadDoll said:

I dont have any emotions.

 

What's a neuro emotion?

 

Count yourself lucky that you feel anger.

the problem with anger is if you don't develop tools to control it and let it out healthily it will destroy your life and get us in the most serious of trouble  ,put I don't have emotions into google and youtube and see what help is there ,don't be festering please ,not a judgement it got me no were till I tried new ways

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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1 minute ago, powerback said:

the problem with anger is if you don't develop tools to control it and let it out healthily it will destroy your life and get us in the most serious of trouble  ,put I don't have emotions into google and youtube and see what help is there ,don't be festering please ,not a judgement it got me no were till I tried new ways

Nevermind. 

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
7 minutes ago, powerback said:

the problem with anger is if you don't develop tools to control it and let it out healthily it will destroy your life and get us in the most serious of trouble  ,put I don't have emotions into google and youtube and see what help is there ,don't be festering please ,not a judgement it got me no were till I tried new ways

You clearly have no idea what I'm going through lol. 

Dont

Have 

Emotions

How many times. Im sorry im rude but im at the edge. Your messages make no sense to me and are frustrating. I want to talk to someone who went through this and came out the other side.

 

Again, sorry. I'm a b****. I know this and i want to stop being a b****.

I've turned into a ******* horrible peraon since this and I hate myself. 

I'm only interested in getting over this so please dont be confusing me. 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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Just now, SadDoll said:

You clearly have no idea what I'm going through lol. 

Dont

Have 

Emotions

How many times. Im sorry im rude but im at the edge. Your messages make no sense to me and are frustrating. I want to talk to someone who went through this and came out the other side.

 

Again, sorry. I'm a b****. I know this and i want to not be a b****.

I've turned into a ******* horrible peraon since this and I hate myself. 

I'm only interested in getting over this so please dont be confusing me. 

that's the point of my message ,I have come out the other side and dealing with it ,you will take on board peoples help when your ready .

trust me this could be the best place for help,but if your not letting people in to help .no offense given or taken ,but there's a reason your here and not out getting off your head with others on drugs,i think you need to give yourself credit . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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I can feel that I am healing, and I can feel that my emotions are changing in general. Despite the past, I can't see a reason why I won't be in a position to engage in a romantic relationship in future, when I want to. 

 

I don't believe that SSRIs have permanently damaged my brain, because I am recovering from all other symptoms. 

 

I believe I am dealing with this positively, and I can see a lot of changes in my life to support that, and I can feel that I will come through this. If you look under "Relationships" as a topic, you will probably find success stories or tactics people are using to deal with emotional  numbness in the context of relationships.

Citalopram: Feb 2016 to May 2017. I tapered over 2 weeks under the supervision of my GP.

Dosage: 20mg pd.

Tapering: 20mg every 2nd day for 1 week, 20mg every 3rd day for 1 week.

Reason to quit: Mitral valve prolapse - disturbing palpitations and chest pain which resolved off meds; weight gain.

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15 minutes ago, powerback said:

that's the point of my message ,I have come out the other side and dealing with it ,you will take on board peoples help when your ready .

trust me this could be the best place for help,but if your not letting people in to help .no offense given or taken ,but there's a reason your here and not out getting off your head with others on drugs,i think you need to give yourself credit . 

Im so sorry Powerback.

 

I really am a horrible person sometimes. I'm so negative and selfish and I'm sorry for being harsh.

 

It's just I'm at the end of ny tether and I feel like this is not me. It's like an evil twin or something. Old me was very kind and loving and sensitive and caring. I miss that so much. I'm a very dark and damaged person now.

 

I'm glad you have gotten out it. Sorry for not understanding your messages. Again, this is a reflection of me and not you.

 

You could hsve easily been horrible to me like I was to you, and you weren't. Thank you. I dont deserve your kindness.

 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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2 minutes ago, SadDoll said:

Im so sorry Powerback.

 

I really am a horrible person sometimes. I'm so negative and selfish and I'm sorry for being harsh.

 

It's just I'm at the end of ny tether and I feel like this is not me. It's like an evil twin or something. Old me was very kind and loving and sensitive and caring. I miss that so much. I'm a very dark and damaged person now.

 

I'm glad you have gotten out it. Sorry for not understanding your messages. Again, this is a reflection of me and not you.

 

You could hsve easily been horrible to me like I was to you, and you weren't. Thank you. I dont deserve your kindness.

 

look please chill out my heart is going out to you here.your fine I've been in the utter nightmare your in and it will come again for me   ,that's why I came to your thread I and the others can help .of course you deserve kindness your a human being like the rest of us .I've learned not to jump to the first emotion that comes into my head ,your ok mostly on this site ,just be careful in the so called real world ,be very guarded and careful in the real world with temper and moods .

respect to you in your pain.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, SidTheButterfly said:

I can feel that I am healing, and I can feel that my emotions are changing in general. Despite the past, I can't see a reason why I won't be in a position to engage in a romantic relationship in future, when I want to. 

 

I don't believe that SSRIs have permanently damaged my brain, because I am recovering from all other symptoms. 

 

I believe I am dealing with this positively, and I can see a lot of changes in my life to support that, and I can feel that I will come through this. If you look under "Relationships" as a topic, you will probably find success stories or tactics people are using to deal with emotional  numbness in the context of relationships.

I'm sorry again Sid. I really am. I am so horrible at times, I'm working at it. I get so consumed by negativity that I can see no way out.

 

Do you not have the desire to be in a relationship? I've had the desire for a boyfriend a few months ago. A really strong desire. It wasn't really sexual, buttl romantic. Were/are you lacking the desire to? Because that desire might be a sign that I can.

 

I broke someone's heart last year. It was awful of me.

I got into a relationship with someone who fell deeply in love with me. I pretended to love him back. I dont know why, it was really twisted but I didnt mean it in a malicious way. I wanted to pretend I was normal.

 

I guess I deserve this. 

 

It's really good that you're recovering. You said in a pelrevious post that you were like this for years. How many exactly?

 

I dont mean to be crude, but I used to have an above average libido. I used to be hyper sexual before lustral. 

So I know that this is PSSD.

The last time I was really aroused was 2013. 

 

What things have you done to improve? A diet/lifestyle change? 

 

I'm thin enough so i dont need to make huge alterations to my diet. I probably just need to eat more often and organic foods.

 

How much have you improved over the years? 

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

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12 hours ago, powerback said:

look please chill out my heart is going out to you here.your fine I've been in the utter nightmare your in and it will come again for me   ,that's why I came to your thread I and the others can help .of course you deserve kindness your a human being like the rest of us .I've learned not to jump to the first emotion that comes into my head ,your ok mostly on this site ,just be careful in the so called real world ,be very guarded and careful in the real world with temper and moods .

respect to you in your pain.

So you get windows and waves?

You mentioned earlier that you got really depressed in the winter. Do you think that was withdrawal or S.A.D?

 

Ya know what's **** up? How we have to recover from medication 'trusted' professionals give us

Edited by ChessieCat
removed obscenity

Drug free since 2014. Age 24. 

 

Lexapro (20mg) from late 2011-late 2013

 

Switched to Lustral (150mg) late 2013 til early-mid 2014

 

Cold turkeyed (!) in the spring of 2014

PSSD and anhedonia since. Experienced some windows (not fully functioning but definite improvement) several time since developing sexual dysfunction and emotional blunting.

 

Help and hope is greatly appreciated. Feel so alone and lost.

Link to comment
12 hours ago, SadDoll said:

So you get windows and waves?

You mentioned earlier that you got really depressed in the winter. Do you think that was withdrawal or S.A.D?

 

Ya know what's **** up? How we have to recover from medication 'trusted' professionals give us

100% withdrawl gave me depression ,ye I get the windows and waves ,took me awhile too even understand it ,the problem with my withdrawl is its made me really stupid at times [IQ] ,I can get windows in waves in the same hour lately .

exactly sadoll ,that's why my name is powerback ,I gave up listening to so called professionals  a year ago and I took the powerback over my life  ,and my doctor is well aware of how critical I am of the industry .that's why in November I could say no to zyprexa and hospital ,because I educated myself ,what doctors know and don't know about drugs is truly shocking .

Edited by ChessieCat
removed obscenity in quote

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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hi saddoll ,go to symptoms and self care ,and you will see the nuero-emotions and dealing with emotional spirals  ,gives a great explanation of emotions spiralling out of control and understanding them

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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