Scorpio: Will this ever end?

[JS11]

11 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi bubble 

hell again from 2am. Hot sweats. Nausea. Stomach playing tunes  tinnitus raging  burning legs and anxiety through the roof. 

I think the magnesium foot soak and melatonin are a failed experiment and can only think the emotional day yesterday exacerbated things. This is so hard and so frightening  

Hi Scorpio, this is JS,

I was just headed to bed and this popped up.  Don't mean to intrude on your conversation.  Just wanted to say I'm so very sorry you had such a bad night.  I do so hope your day is easier and that you get some relief.  

take care

[Scorpio]

18 minutes ago, JS11 said:

Hi Scorpio, this is JS,

I was just headed to bed and this popped up.  Don't mean to intrude on your conversation.  Just wanted to say I'm so very sorry you had such a bad night.  I do so hope your day is easier and that you get some relief.  

take care

Thank you js. In terrible state complete meltdown again and supposed to be helping with baby today. 

I hope you have a better nights sleep. Thank you for your support again. 

 

[JS11]

27 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Thank you js. In terrible state complete meltdown again and supposed to be helping with baby today. 

I hope you have a better nights sleep. Thank you for your support again. 

 

I am so very sorry.  The baby won't care how you are but I hope he will be calm and nap.

thinking about you, Scorpio.

Goodnight.

JS

[bubble]

That happens to me all the time: when I feel a bit better I find out that I'm so hungry for life and 'normal' human functioning that I just dive in. That often causes me to get worse again and then have to go back to being very strict with all my self-care practices.

 

Maybe this video will shed some light: it's like a Rubic cube. Symptoms come and go...but we are healing!

 

 

[Scorpio]

21 minutes ago, bubble said:

That happens to me all the time: when I feel a bit better I find out that I'm so hungry for life and 'normal' human functioning that I just dive in. That often causes me to get worse again and then have to go back to being very strict with all my self-care practices.

 

Maybe this video will shed some light: it's like a Rubic cube. Symptoms come and go...but we are healing!

 

 

Thank you bubble sorry to keep shouting for help just so frightened. The video was good to see. I have to look after the baby today god knows how I am going to do it but do it I will. Hopefully it will life me a bit fingers crossed but the nausea and anxiety is just awful. 

[bubble]

I know how it feels. It's hard to believe things will ever again be better and that what is happening to us won't damage us beyond repair. But as you could experience it just a few days ago: this is just a storm - the sky is still blue behind these skies.

 

Being around babies is healing and grounding. You will do fine. Just be mindful about it all and feed your brain a lot of little positive messages: we will be fine, it will, pass we are healing. 

 

[Scorpio]

5 hours ago, bubble said:

I know how it feels. It's hard to believe things will ever again be better and that what is happening to us won't damage us beyond repair. But as you could experience it just a few days ago: this is just a storm - the sky is still blue behind these skies.

 

Being around babies is healing and grounding. You will do fine. Just be mindful about it all and feed your brain a lot of little positive messages: we will be fine, it will, pass we are healing. 

 

Thank you bubble will have to try and keep saying it. I will heal. 

[Scorpio]

11 hours ago, JS11 said:

I am so very sorry.  The baby won't care how you are but I hope he will be calm and nap.

thinking about you, Scorpio.

Goodnight.

JS

Hi JS

 Did you get a better nights sleep I had my fingers crossed for you. My heart goes out to you with all you have had to cope with, looking after your dad must be so draining and for him to be involved in a terrible scam is criminal. You certainly are having a very hard time without having to try and recover from this awful drug. I just don't know where your strength comes from. My mum was 5'3. Then she got osteoporosis and shrunk to about 4'10. I am 5'2 so ended up towering over her. Do you get support from your brother with your dad and is he understanding of your withdrawal 

it has been very hard today but as you know we have to get on with it when children are around. At ten months he demands attention all the time but he is gorgeous so just keep going. My husband still very poorly with man flu and said he also wouldn't have been able to get on a plane today which made me feel a little better. Now I have sat down the anxiety, which kept attacking me all day, is just flooding me again. It does make me give up hope and keep having to recite bubbles words to me - it is healing, hard though isn't it when it's just so scary. 

 

[JS11]

4 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

 Did you get a better nights sleep I had my fingers crossed for you. My heart goes out to you with all you have had to cope with, looking after your dad must be so draining and for him to be involved in a terrible scam is criminal. You certainly are having a very hard time without having to try and recover from this awful drug. I just don't know where your strength comes from. My mum was 5'3. Then she got osteoporosis and shrunk to about 4'10. I am 5'2 so ended up towering over her. Do you get support from your brother with your dad and is he understanding of your withdrawal 

it has been very hard today but as you know we have to get on with it when children are around. At ten months he demands attention all the time but he is gorgeous so just keep going. My husband still very poorly with man flu and said he also wouldn't have been able to get on a plane today which made me feel a little better. Now I have sat down the anxiety, which kept attacking me all day, is just flooding me again. It does make me give up hope and keep having to recite bubbles words to me - it is healing, hard though isn't it when it's just so scary. 

 

Oh yes, it is.  I was so worn out yesterday from not really sleeping the night before that I just crashed and actually manage to sleep most of the night.  A welcome relief.  My niece came to get the boys and I asked her if she could stay.  I just needed some support and the company.  She made dinner, which was nice-- BBQ's hamburgers--as I haven't really been cooking anything. The boys eat cereal often, which they love.   I was hoping my niece would stick around today to help me pack but she took the boys fishing, which they will hopefully enjoy.  The younger of the two not so keen on it, like his mom and older brother are.  It is also very smokey here.  I think it may be from the fires in California although I'm not sure where all it is from.  It has been a very hot and dry summer here.  Has the rain subsided there or are you in for another day of it?

 

Oh Scorpio, I don't know how much strength I have at the moment.  I have just been paralyzed.  I know some of it has been because of the roller coaster of medications and side-effects that they have produced--lousy timing--but I also think I am just worn out from all the life stuff too. I just sit here looking at all that I have to do and either start crying or becoming overwhelmed. As for my dad, well, things changed so much in my family when my mum passed. That was very surprising and so very sad for me.  My brothers just, I don't know, didn't.  Thankfully one brother and his daughter and her husband have been helping with the house.  My niece was here last week but has been sidelined as she just gave birth to a little baby girl yesterday!  A bright spot.  New life.  

  

I haven't really told my family much, although I did mention it to the the brother who is helping.  I don't know what he thinks. Sometimes I think others think I am making excuses or just making it up?  I think they just want me to get over it.  I don't know.  Just feeling sad, I guess,  and so very sensitive. To you ever feel that way?  

 

I was so very grateful to wake up, take the RX's and not have the icky anxiety.  Then an hour or so later, I did a little magnesium and the anxiety came on rather suddenly.  That chest freight train feeling and the stomach plummeting.  Then I wondered if it was the magnesium?  I know we are all so sensitive.  I kind of want to take more, but another part of me is scared to.  I think you mentioned it in one of your posts--possible sensitivity.  Do you feel it is helping?  

 

I'm so sorry you had another anxious day. I was hoping for a respite for you as well.   I breathed a sigh of relief this a.m. and then when those uncomfortable anxious feelings started, ugh, I just was so frustrated.  And yes, scared too.  I know that my night was better and the day began that way as well, so I have to try and hold onto that.  It is an improvement.  

 

Oh your grand baby sounds lovely.  Yes, rather hard to tell a baby, sorry having a withdrawal symptom, I'll be right with you.

Oh no, your husband has the flu?  I hope it is the short-term kind.  Yes, I'm sure it is comforting that he wouldn't have fared well on holiday either.  You did your very best.  

 

I followed your link to Bubble or however that works and now see her posts as well.  I must say, I do find her words so very wise and comforting.   Just to have someone who understands and can offer her perspective when your own is so very clouded by all these happenings.  

 

Yes, to the healing.  

Any calm down on the anxiety?  I do hope so.  

Let's see, it's around 8:35 pm there.  Still have the wee babe?  Hopefully, if so he is sleeping.  Here's to  a restful night's sleep for you as well.  

take care,

JS

 

 

[JS11]

Hello Bubble and Scorpio,

 

Thank you Bubble for the video.  The turning off and then turning on of brain systems makes so much sense and does help explain things.  

I can feel a tingly sensation in my head so the neurons must be hard at work, reconstructing.

 

I hope that your day was pleasant and restful.

take care,

JS

 

 

[Scorpio]

55 minutes ago, JS11 said:

Oh yes, it is.  I was so worn out yesterday from not really sleeping the night before that I just crashed and actually manage to sleep most of the night.  A welcome relief.  My niece came to get the boys and I asked her if she could stay.  I just needed some support and the company.  She made dinner, which was nice-- BBQ's hamburgers--as I haven't really been cooking anything. The boys eat cereal often, which they love.   I was hoping my niece would stick around today to help me pack but she took the boys fishing, which they will hopefully enjoy.  The younger of the two not so keen on it, like his mom and older brother are.  It is also very smokey here.  I think it may be from the fires in California although I'm not sure where all it is from.  It has been a very hot and dry summer here.  Has the rain subsided there or are you in for another day of it?

 

Oh Scorpio, I don't know how much strength I have at the moment.  I have just been paralyzed.  I know some of it has been because of the roller coaster of medications and side-effects that they have produced--lousy timing--but I also think I am just worn out from all the life stuff too. I just sit here looking at all that I have to do and either start crying or becoming overwhelmed. As for my dad, well, things changed so much in my family when my mum passed. That was very surprising and so very sad for me.  My brothers just, I don't know, didn't.  Thankfully one brother and his daughter and her husband have been helping with the house.  My niece was here last week but has been sidelined as she just gave birth to a little baby girl yesterday!  A bright spot.  New life.  

  

I haven't really told my family much, although I did mention it to the the brother who is helping.  I don't know what he thinks. Sometimes I think others think I am making excuses or just making it up?  I think they just want me to get over it.  I don't know.  Just feeling sad, I guess,  and so very sensitive. To you ever feel that way?  

 

I was so very grateful to wake up, take the RX's and not have the icky anxiety.  Then an hour or so later, I did a little magnesium and the anxiety came on rather suddenly.  That chest freight train feeling and the stomach plummeting.  Then I wondered if it was the magnesium?  I know we are all so sensitive.  I kind of want to take more, but another part of me is scared to.  I think you mentioned it in one of your posts--possible sensitivity.  Do you feel it is helping?  

 

I'm so sorry you had another anxious day. I was hoping for a respite for you as well.   I breathed a sigh of relief this a.m. and then when those uncomfortable anxious feelings started, ugh, I just was so frustrated.  And yes, scared too.  I know that my night was better and the day began that way as well, so I have to try and hold onto that.  It is an improvement.  

 

Oh your grand baby sounds lovely.  Yes, rather hard to tell a baby, sorry having a withdrawal symptom, I'll be right with you.

Oh no, your husband has the flu?  I hope it is the short-term kind.  Yes, I'm sure it is comforting that he wouldn't have fared well on holiday either.  You did your very best.  

 

I followed your link to Bubble or however that works and now see her posts as well.  I must say, I do find her words so very wise and comforting.   Just to have someone who understands and can offer her perspective when your own is so very clouded by all these happenings.  

 

Yes, to the healing.  

Any calm down on the anxiety?  I do hope so.  

Let's see, it's around 8:35 pm there.  Still have the wee babe?  Hopefully, if so he is sleeping.  Here's to  a restful night's sleep for you as well.  

take care,

JS

 

 

Hi JS

I am so pleased you at least had a good nights sleep and not too bad morning. Sadness I sympathise with.  Over the last 7 weeks of reinstating I have cried a river.  A little window here's to many more for you. I'm in the same boat with people understanding and expect me to jump up cured imminently. Some friends message me just asking how I am and if no answer they understand I'm in a bad place but they don't ring as they know I won't answer. When I used to have the windows I would ring them.  Some friends think they can fix me with platitudes or advise me to see dr. Those friends I rarely respond to as they make me more anxious. All that life stuff is not helping your symptoms as we both know stress exacerbates it. Thank goodness for your one brother and niece I hope they can give you more support. 

'That's what happened with me with the magnesium I had two blissful days and then wham bam back to anxiety high again. Even not sure about the foot soak now as such a bad night and day today so think will leave it all alone for the time being. The baby is lovely but tires me out at the moment. His mum came and took him home about 5.30 so got the dinner and now plonked on settee hoping tomorrow is a better day. Man flu is what we call a cold for a man as they always have it so much worse than us !!!

Im just trying to fight it as don't need that too, the baby started it and my daughter now has the sore throat too. Bubble is such an inspiration and so kind and understanding even though she has to fight her own battles too. Don't know how she does it when all I do is shout out that I'm frightened. 

Good that you have bubbles link too she will lift your fears whenever it gets too hard. I'm not surprised you are worn out with your family life and wish I could help you see a way out of it. You need calm and peace to fight our internal battles and my heart goes out to you. 

'Remember a good nights sleep and a little calm thus morning - woohoo - that's brilliant. 

[JS11]

2 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

I am so pleased you at least had a good nights sleep and not too bad morning. Sadness I sympathise with.  Over the last 7 weeks of reinstating I have cried a river.  A little window here's to many more for you. I'm in the same boat with people understanding and expect me to jump up cured imminently. Some friends message me just asking how I am and if no answer they understand I'm in a bad place but they don't ring as they know I won't answer. When I used to have the windows I would ring them.  Some friends think they can fix me with platitudes or advise me to see dr. Those friends I rarely respond to as they make me more anxious. All that life stuff is not helping your symptoms as we both know stress exacerbates it. Thank goodness for your one brother and niece I hope they can give you more support. 

'That's what happened with me with the magnesium I had two blissful days and then wham bam back to anxiety high again. Even not sure about the foot soak now as such a bad night and day today so think will leave it all alone for the time being. The baby is lovely but tires me out at the moment. His mum came and took him home about 5.30 so got the dinner and now plonked on settee hoping tomorrow is a better day. Man flu is what we call a cold for a man as they always have it so much worse than us !!!

Im just trying to fight it as don't need that too, the baby started it and my daughter now has the sore throat too. Bubble is such an inspiration and so kind and understanding even though she has to fight her own battles too. Don't know how she does it when all I do is shout out that I'm frightened. 

Good that you have bubbles link too she will lift your fears whenever it gets too hard. I'm not surprised you are worn out with your family life and wish I could help you see a way out of it. You need calm and peace to fight our internal battles and my heart goes out to you. 

'Remember a good nights sleep and a little calm thus morning - woohoo - that's brilliant. 

You are plopped on the settee and here I am on the bed.  A part of me wants to try and sleep or maybe the thought of hiding under the covers is what the appealing part is.  Either way, I am trying not to assault myself with guilt for not doing anything.  My body is not being very cooperative.  The nethers and--don't know what to call the others--are rearing their ugly heads.  It feels like my brain and body are on a surfboard riding the ocean waves.  Strangest feeling.  That and I feel oddly tingly all over.  You ever get that?

 

I keep reading information, which can be good and bad.  Feel like I did myself in. When I was on 3.75mg of Escitalopram (our RX), withdrawal came back with a vengeance, although I didn't know that was what it was.  The psychiatrist kept urging me to up my dose to 10mg as it was anxiety.  Finally I listened, and did what I was told.   She is a kind, caring soul and I suppose a part of me just wanted to believe her.  A pill was the answer.  But it so wasn't.   I then kept playing with the dose because I just didn't want to increase it.  

I have been reading about reinstatement and the short window of going back to the original dose.  I jumped back in on a high one and have now backed off a little.  Guess I am just trying to grasp for an answer.  

 

Oh yes, babies are so very exhausting.  And the germs!  Their little systems can fight them off quickly but the rest of us succumb.  When my nephews were going to daycare, I got diseases I didn't even know existed.  No.  You do NOT need that and I hope your husband gets over his man-flu soon.  That phrase does make me chuckle.  

 

I did just try a drink of the Calm, rather reluctantly.  I am rather nervous about aggravating the symptoms. Just greedy for another brief glimpse of a window. The two days of bliss you described.  Heaven on earth it would be.   And oh my yes, cry me a river.  I think I have used my allotment of Kleenix tissues and whatever else is handy to damn the leak.  

 

I still don't yet understand exactly how this site works.  If a certain moderator or staff person follows you.  Mort81 has reached out to me and has been so very comforting.  I have been clutching onto his words of encouragement as well as any others I can find.  Bubble is a gem too.  And yes, others are dealing with all of this, and moderating as well.  Incredible.  

 

It is so very difficult to talk to friends  I have a few loyal souls that I reach out to, but I know these feelings are scary and difficult to understand.  I mean, I don't really know or understand them, although I am trying to.  I would really like to just have a frank conversation with my psychiatrist and see what she thinks about all of it.  I haven't known her for that long though but she has seen me in some of the very dark places the withdrawal has taken me.  Curious  as to what she would say.

Ohhhh myyyy.  

 

I am so impressed that you took care of a baby AND made dinner.  You are an overachiever!  Still prone myself.   My body needs to move as it is getting sore.  Have you done exercise of any type?  Walking, which I do love.  It has been so hot here and now the smoke is covering everything like a thick fog.  I can smell it through the closed windows.  Poor firefighters.  I wonder how they cope.  Fall typically brings some cooler temperatures, especially at night which makes sleeping much more pleasant.  I do so adore all the colors as well.  My favorite time of year. But being out in this stuff, not so much.

 

Are you one of those Brits who rip off their clothes at the first sign of sun?  All modesty of course.  In my early 20's, I took a summer exchange course in Durham.  That is eventually how I ended up working in a restaurant in London.  There was a woman at school going on holiday with her family to some hot locale, Greece I think.  She had a 16 year old son.  Don't know how the subject of sunbathing sans top came up--I know I sure didn't mention it--but when this woman, who was probably my mama's age at the time, said of course she would be going topless.  I know the color probably drained from my face.  Prudish American.  Sigh.

 

Well Scorpio, here's to healing and a beautiful, restful sleep for you with none of the other!!  Thank you for being there.  

take care,

JS

 

 

 

 

[Scorpio]

17 hours ago, JS11 said:

You are plopped on the settee and here I am on the bed.  A part of me wants to try and sleep or maybe the thought of hiding under the covers is what the appealing part is.  Either way, I am trying not to assault myself with guilt for not doing anything.  My body is not being very cooperative.  The nethers and--don't know what to call the others--are rearing their ugly heads.  It feels like my brain and body are on a surfboard riding the ocean waves.  Strangest feeling.  That and I feel oddly tingly all over.  You ever get that?

 

I keep reading information, which can be good and bad.  Feel like I did myself in. When I was on 3.75mg of Escitalopram (our RX), withdrawal came back with a vengeance, although I didn't know that was what it was.  The psychiatrist kept urging me to up my dose to 10mg as it was anxiety.  Finally I listened, and did what I was told.   She is a kind, caring soul and I suppose a part of me just wanted to believe her.  A pill was the answer.  But it so wasn't.   I then kept playing with the dose because I just didn't want to increase it.  

I have been reading about reinstatement and the short window of going back to the original dose.  I jumped back in on a high one and have now backed off a little.  Guess I am just trying to grasp for an answer.  

 

Oh yes, babies are so very exhausting.  And the germs!  Their little systems can fight them off quickly but the rest of us succumb.  When my nephews were going to daycare, I got diseases I didn't even know existed.  No.  You do NOT need that and I hope your husband gets over his man-flu soon.  That phrase does make me chuckle.  

 

I did just try a drink of the Calm, rather reluctantly.  I am rather nervous about aggravating the symptoms. Just greedy for another brief glimpse of a window. The two days of bliss you described.  Heaven on earth it would be.   And oh my yes, cry me a river.  I think I have used my allotment of Kleenix tissues and whatever else is handy to damn the leak.  

 

I still don't yet understand exactly how this site works.  If a certain moderator or staff person follows you.  Mort81 has reached out to me and has been so very comforting.  I have been clutching onto his words of encouragement as well as any others I can find.  Bubble is a gem too.  And yes, others are dealing with all of this, and moderating as well.  Incredible.  

 

It is so very difficult to talk to friends  I have a few loyal souls that I reach out to, but I know these feelings are scary and difficult to understand.  I mean, I don't really know or understand them, although I am trying to.  I would really like to just have a frank conversation with my psychiatrist and see what she thinks about all of it.  I haven't known her for that long though but she has seen me in some of the very dark places the withdrawal has taken me.  Curious  as to what she would say.

Ohhhh myyyy.  

 

I am so impressed that you took care of a baby AND made dinner.  You are an overachiever!  Still prone myself.   My body needs to move as it is getting sore.  Have you done exercise of any type?  Walking, which I do love.  It has been so hot here and now the smoke is covering everything like a thick fog.  I can smell it through the closed windows.  Poor firefighters.  I wonder how they cope.  Fall typically brings some cooler temperatures, especially at night which makes sleeping much more pleasant.  I do so adore all the colors as well.  My favorite time of year. But being out in this stuff, not so much.

 

Are you one of those Brits who rip off their clothes at the first sign of sun?  All modesty of course.  In my early 20's, I took a summer exchange course in Durham.  That is eventually how I ended up working in a restaurant in London.  There was a woman at school going on holiday with her family to some hot locale, Greece I think.  She had a 16 year old son.  Don't know how the subject of sunbathing sans top came up--I know I sure didn't mention it--but when this woman, who was probably my mama's age at the time, said of course she would be going topless.  I know the color probably drained from my face.  Prudish American.  Sigh.

 

Well Scorpio, here's to healing and a beautiful, restful sleep for you with none of the other!!  Thank you for being there.  

take care,

JS

 

 

 

 

Hi JS

 

I hope the rest of the day got better for you. The burning/tingly feeling is only on my lower legs and feet - at the moment, poor you, another thing to contend with. The other burning in the sensitive 'parts' will go have faith.   Uggh it's horrible I couldn't stop thinking about it when I had it and thought it would be with me forever. As for reading too much info - yes, I have frightened myself to death with it and now try not to look. Especially the bits about if you were sensitive to the drug (I think it's called kindled)  will make it harder to recover and that's definitely me. I hope and pray I misunderstood it.   As I always had a terrible time on RX I only went to 1mg on reinstating and that's been a nightmare as well so can only hope it will eventually stabilise. 

I have really only had most contact with brassmonkey, and bubble, and powerback who gives some support as well. I think it's just plain hard for everybody and each person goes through waves at different times so won't always be able to give support themselves. I'm the same I go round in circles on this site, it's like replying to you apart from pressing quote at the end of your message I can't work out how to just reply!

 

no, no exercise but I never was a gym bunny, prefer just moving, gardening, walking etc but the garden looks like a bedraggled wilderness at the moment as haven't had the inclination to get out there - very sad looking pots especially helped by all the rain another day long dose of it today. I sympathise that you are enduring hot weather plus smoky atmosphere it must be awful,  have just been watching the news and they are talking about a super sized hurricane heading towards Antigua and Florida. We go most years to Antigua to two different hotels both in the coast so I hope they will all be ok,  friends of my daughter and son in law who married a couple of months ago are going on a belated honeymoon with their 2 and 4 year old to Disney, they arrived last night so hoping they are not affected too.  I hate autumn and winter as it is so cold and I am a sunny warm person I shiver in air conditioned shops!  I do get out there as soon as the sun shines but topless - don't be silly, I need a push up bra to pretend To have what I haven't.  

 

Tte baby although hard hard work is a blessing he is such a happy little thing and fortunately enjoys being with me so it helps me a lot.  I have him tomorrow again so my daughter can get the house sorted and packed as they leave about 4am Thursday morning for Tenerife. Last night I took 1.5mg of melatonin didn't touch magnesium all day did have a small lager at dinner time and slept til 6am by 6.15 full anxiety etc again but I don't know if it was the melatonin or a small window again - very confused. It's that no stepping on cracks syndrome again. Today I have actually managed to clean silver (plate) something I haven't done for ages and went out for a short while with my husband to a couple of shops and more miraculously put some mascara and lipstick on - amazing. Anxiety, grumbling stomach, tinnitus and lots of mini headaches but upright. 

I hope you are feeling a little better and look forward to the next update, 

[JS11]

2 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

 

I hope the rest of the day got better for you. The burning/tingly feeling is only on my lower legs and feet - at the moment, poor you, another thing to contend with. The other burning in the sensitive 'parts' will go have faith.   Uggh it's horrible I couldn't stop thinking about it when I had it and thought it would be with me forever. As for reading too much info - yes, I have frightened myself to death with it and now try not to look. Especially the bits about if you were sensitive to the drug (I think it's called kindled)  will make it harder to recover and that's definitely me. I hope and pray I misunderstood it.   As I always had a terrible time on RX I only went to 1mg on reinstating and that's been a nightmare as well so can only hope it will eventually stabilise. 

I have really only had most contact with brassmonkey, and bubble, and powerback who gives some support as well. I think it's just plain hard for everybody and each person goes through waves at different times so won't always be able to give support themselves. I'm the same I go round in circles on this site, it's like replying to you apart from pressing quote at the end of your message I can't work out how to just reply!

 

2 hours ago, Scorpio said:

no, no exercise but I never was a gym bunny, prefer just moving, gardening, walking etc but the garden looks like a bedraggled wilderness at the moment as haven't had the inclination to get out there - very sad looking pots especially helped by all the rain another day long dose of it today. I sympathise that you are enduring hot weather plus smoky atmosphere it must be awful,  have just been watching the news and they are talking about a super sized hurricane heading towards Antigua and Florida. We go most years to Antigua to two different hotels both in the coast so I hope they will all be ok,  friends of my daughter and son in law who married a couple of months ago are going on a belated honeymoon with their 2 and 4 year old to Disney, they arrived last night so hoping they are not affected too.  I hate autumn and winter as it is so cold and I am a sunny warm person I shiver in air conditioned shops!  I do get out there as soon as the sun shines but topless - don't be silly, I need a push up bra to pretend To have what I haven't.  

 

Tte baby although hard hard work is a blessing he is such a happy little thing and fortunately enjoys being with me so it helps me a lot.  I have him tomorrow again so my daughter can get the house sorted and packed as they leave about 4am Thursday morning for Tenerife. Last night I took 1.5mg of melatonin didn't touch magnesium all day did have a small lager at dinner time and slept til 6am by 6.15 full anxiety etc again but I don't know if it was the melatonin or a small window again - very confused. It's that no stepping on cracks syndrome again. Today I have actually managed to clean silver (plate) something I haven't done for ages and went out for a short while with my husband to a couple of shops and more miraculously put some mascara and lipstick on - amazing. Anxiety, grumbling stomach, tinnitus and lots of mini headaches but upright. 

I hope you are feeling a little better and look forward to the next update, 

Hi Scorpio, 

So lovely to hear from you. I didn't know there was another way to respond except just quoting.  I had a question last night about dosages, posted it as a new topic and the moderator then moved it to my introductions page.  I then deleted it as I think I figured it out but still so confused.  We are supposed to post everything in updates and introductions?  Never mind.  At least I know how to respond to you which is oh so nice to do.  I have been reading about others on our same RX.  Lots of us out there, that is for sure.

 

Yes the variety of symptoms and where they manifest is just plain weird.  Tingly legs and feet, head and well, the other.  Oh my.  You have a burning sensation too?  Ugh that sounds icky.  Have you gotten any relief?  I am so hoping.  

I did watch the video Bubble sent you and while informative, it also just made me a little sad.  So I stopped.  I've seen the word, Kindled but didn't investigate it yet.  My brain is brain has many other things going on.  Yes, I do hope that the both of us stabilize soon.  

 

I'm not much of a gardener.  Only the boldest of plants manage to survive in my presence.  Probably due to their sheer stubbornness. I do so admire those with beautiful gardens though.  And yes, rain is a lovely welcome when you are unable to tend to your garden.  You have had other things to occupy your time.  I like to walk too, but haven't done much of it in the past few months.  Partly because of the heat, but also as my dog, Teddy, passed away on May 11.  He would have been 15 on June 1.  He was family.  Still so hard to believe. Haven't been very motivated to walk with out him.  And the heat has made it to much anyway.  I have a cat too, Tigger.  She is almost 16.  A Scorpio, I think as I got her at the shelter, like you.  Are you an animal person?  I do love them so much.  I admit to being very worried about the move with Teddy being so old.  It would have been very hard for him to leave his home.  One of those blessings in disguise I guess.  Rather worried about my kitty, but a little easier for her, I hope.

 

Look at you going out to shops and polishing silver!  And make up too!  Sounds  like you had a very busy day.  Did you go grocery shopping?  Errands?  Or just out and about.  Are you able to walk or go by car? I did so love all the walking in London.  Although when it pours rain there, it is quite impressive.  At first I didn't carry an umbrella.  How foolish was that?  Remember standing in line at the post office just dripping puddles.   I cannot imagine taking the tube at the moment though.  Oh my.   

 

I do so hope your daughter's friends are okay.  I am on the opposite corner from Florida and we don't get hurricanes here, thankfully.  The fires are still raging though.  They seem to be everywhere.  There is a thick smokey haze outside.  At least it hasn't seeped into the house but makes it impossible to open the windows at night.  The fans have been doing a nice job of keeping the house coolish.  We have four seasons here, and Autumn is usually quite gorgeous. But we don't have the constant rain and cold.  I'm not fond of that weather either.  Maybe some are, I don't know.  Sun is always such a welcome break when it has been dreary.  I am hoping that you will be able to go on a holiday to your favorite spots in the not too distant future.  Were you able to get a refund at all?  Travel Insurance?  I do so hope.

 

I'm sure your daughter and husband so appreciate you looking after the baby.  Those relationships are so very important.  And yes, puts it all in perspective when a little child delights at the smallest thing.  I am so glad you have that.  

 

I took Melatonin last night as well.  Slept alright too thankfully.  My anxiety seems to come not long after waking as well.  About the same time as yours.  In a different time zone though.  I wonder if it is just the getting up that does it.  I did read about the morning Cortisal which makes so much sense.  I pulled the blinds  at night and it hasn't been as bright due to the smoke. I have them open now.    I do so like the light but have noticed that I am rather sensitive to it at present.  Sound too.  My brain must be trying to protect itself.  Have you had that sensitivity as well.  I know you are a sensitive soul.  Finding that I have become one as well.  

 

I did sip a little of the Calm a little after waking and a short bit ago too, but am trying not to add too many things.  I have taken some Omega 3's and Vitamin C, which I did before all this as well.  But have also read that you want to introduce things carefully so if you have a sensitivity, you are better able to determine the cause.

 

I am going to rent a storage unit today. They were kind enough to hold it for me.   Luckily it is right down the street so I don't have to go too far. I didn't really want to get one, relocating things for another time, but am so glad I did.   Must stop at the store as well.  The cupboards aren't totally bare but must try to get something to eat, maybe some fresh fruit too.    

 

I assume your grandson will go on holiday with his mum and dad.  How long will they be gone?  It will give you a little break but I know you will miss him so.  How is the man flu?  And you?  Hoping you are staving off the germs too.

 

May you have a peaceful sleep, Scorpio.  And may the grumbling, ringing, tingling burning, and nasty anxiety stay far away.

That is my wish for you!

Take care,

JS 

[Scorpio]

26 minutes ago, JS11 said:

 

Hi Scorpio, 

So lovely to hear from you. I didn't know there was another way to respond except just quoting.  I had a question last night about dosages, posted it as a new topic and the moderator then moved it to my introductions page.  I then deleted it as I think I figured it out but still so confused.  We are supposed to post everything in updates and introductions?  Never mind.  At least I know how to respond to you which is oh so nice to do.  I have been reading about others on our same RX.  Lots of us out there, that is for sure.

 

Yes the variety of symptoms and where they manifest is just plain weird.  Tingly legs and feet, head and well, the other.  Oh my.  You have a burning sensation too?  Ugh that sounds icky.  Have you gotten any relief?  I am so hoping.  

I did watch the video Bubble sent you and while informative, it also just made me a little sad.  So I stopped.  I've seen the word, Kindled but didn't investigate it yet.  My brain is brain has many other things going on.  Yes, I do hope that the both of us stabilize soon.  

 

I'm not much of a gardener.  Only the boldest of plants manage to survive in my presence.  Probably due to their sheer stubbornness. I do so admire those with beautiful gardens though.  And yes, rain is a lovely welcome when you are unable to tend to your garden.  You have had other things to occupy your time.  I like to walk too, but haven't done much of it in the past few months.  Partly because of the heat, but also as my dog, Teddy, passed away on May 11.  He would have been 15 on June 1.  He was family.  Still so hard to believe. Haven't been very motivated to walk with out him.  And the heat has made it to much anyway.  I have a cat too, Tigger.  She is almost 16.  A Scorpio, I think as I got her at the shelter, like you.  Are you an animal person?  I do love them so much.  I admit to being very worried about the move with Teddy being so old.  It would have been very hard for him to leave his home.  One of those blessings in disguise I guess.  Rather worried about my kitty, but a little easier for her, I hope.

 

Look at you going out to shops and polishing silver!  And make up too!  Sounds  like you had a very busy day.  Did you go grocery shopping?  Errands?  Or just out and about.  Are you able to walk or go by car? I did so love all the walking in London.  Although when it pours rain there, it is quite impressive.  At first I didn't carry an umbrella.  How foolish was that?  Remember standing in line at the post office just dripping puddles.   I cannot imagine taking the tube at the moment though.  Oh my.   

 

I do so hope your daughter's friends are okay.  I am on the opposite corner from Florida and we don't get hurricanes here, thankfully.  The fires are still raging though.  They seem to be everywhere.  There is a thick smokey haze outside.  At least it hasn't seeped into the house but makes it impossible to open the windows at night.  The fans have been doing a nice job of keeping the house coolish.  We have four seasons here, and Autumn is usually quite gorgeous. But we don't have the constant rain and cold.  I'm not fond of that weather either.  Maybe some are, I don't know.  Sun is always such a welcome break when it has been dreary.  I am hoping that you will be able to go on a holiday to your favorite spots in the not too distant future.  Were you able to get a refund at all?  Travel Insurance?  I do so hope.

 

I'm sure your daughter and husband so appreciate you looking after the baby.  Those relationships are so very important.  And yes, puts it all in perspective when a little child delights at the smallest thing.  I am so glad you have that.  

 

I took Melatonin last night as well.  Slept alright too thankfully.  My anxiety seems to come not long after waking as well.  About the same time as yours.  In a different time zone though.  I wonder if it is just the getting up that does it.  I did read about the morning Cortisal which makes so much sense.  I pulled the blinds  at night and it hasn't been as bright due to the smoke. I have them open now.    I do so like the light but have noticed that I am rather sensitive to it at present.  Sound too.  My brain must be trying to protect itself.  Have you had that sensitivity as well.  I know you are a sensitive soul.  Finding that I have become one as well.  

 

I did sip a little of the Calm a little after waking and a short bit ago too, but am trying not to add too many things.  I have taken some Omega 3's and Vitamin C, which I did before all this as well.  But have also read that you want to introduce things carefully so if you have a sensitivity, you are better able to determine the cause.

 

I am going to rent a storage unit today. They were kind enough to hold it for me.   Luckily it is right down the street so I don't have to go too far. I didn't really want to get one, relocating things for another time, but am so glad I did.   Must stop at the store as well.  The cupboards aren't totally bare but must try to get something to eat, maybe some fresh fruit too.    

 

I assume your grandson will go on holiday with his mum and dad.  How long will they be gone?  It will give you a little break but I know you will miss him so.  How is the man flu?  And you?  Hoping you are staving off the germs too.

 

May you have a peaceful sleep, Scorpio.  And may the grumbling, ringing, tingling burning, and nasty anxiety stay far away.

That is my wish for you!

Take care,

JS 

Hi JS

it scares me a bit reading about others in our predicament especially if they are having loads more symptoms. Being a bit of an ostrich I suppose. I'm still just quoting your last post as I cannot find an easier way. Yes burning legs but it comes and goes a bit easier today. Although have been having lots of mini headaches on and off all day. We went to a car showroom about 20 miles away and my husband decided on a new car so he was happy. He retired last Thursday which has been a complete damp squid due to me mainly. So hopefully this will make him feel bit better he is still coughing everywhere. 

[JS11]

11 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

it scares me a bit reading about others in our predicament especially if they are having loads more symptoms. Being a bit of an ostrich I suppose. I'm still just quoting your last post as I cannot find an easier way. Yes burning legs but it comes and goes a bit easier today. Although have been having lots of mini headaches on and off all day. We went to a car showroom about 20 miles away and my husband decided on a new car so he was happy. He retired last Thursday which has been a complete damp squid due to me mainly. So hopefully this will make him feel bit better he is still coughing everywhere. 

I'm with you on that one. I do so empathize but I also don't want to presume the worst either.  No shame in being an ostrich.  I have just been grabbing hold for support.  It makes me feel less alone.  

I'm glad your legs are better.  Headaches, I'm sorry to hear that.  I never really have had issues in that respect, luckily, in other life.  Hopefully not now either.  

Congratulations to your husband.  I'm sure he understands, or hopefully does, that you are doing the best you can.  A new car should bring him some joy.  I do love damp s

[JS11]

Just now, JS11 said:

I'm with you on that one. I do so empathize but I also don't want to presume the worst either.  No shame in being an ostrich.  I have just been grabbing hold for support.  It makes me feel less alone.  

I'm glad your legs are better.  Headaches, I'm sorry to hear that.  I never really have had issues in that respect, luckily, in other life.  Hopefully not now either.  

Congratulations to your husband.  I'm sure he understands, or hopefully does, that you are doing the best you can.  A new car should bring him some joy.  I do love damp s

ahhhhh, touched something.  Damp squid is what I was trying to say.  I just love those kind of phrases.  

You headed to bed I'm hoping.  I am going to try for a short rest.  Or just going to close my eyes.  Must get shored up for my outing.

take care,

JS

[Scorpio]

19 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

it scares me a bit reading about others in our predicament especially if they are having loads more symptoms. Being a bit of an ostrich I suppose. I'm still just quoting your last post as I cannot find an easier way. Yes burning legs but it comes and goes a bit easier today. Although have been having lots of mini headaches on and off all day. We went to a car showroom about 20 miles away and my husband decided on a new car so he was happy. He retired last Thursday which has been a complete damp squid due to me mainly. So hopefully this will make him feel bit better he is still coughing everywhere.  Didn't do much grocery shopping just mooched around a dept store  and Marks & Spencer to pick up a £10 meal deal which are such good value  

 

You poor thing, how much grief have you to endure, losing any beloved pet is awful but while you are already suffering that is just too hard. We have had 3 cats during our marriage, Sacha, lived the longest to 17 but died a few years ago. I love animals and would love a dog but before all this started we would often be on holidays and it's just not fair on pets. My mum used to come and care for them before she became too frail.  

 

Normally it it is the anxiety that wakes me up and yes cortisol flooding the system. Had a 15 minute respite this morning before it hit. Not so intense today so fingers crossed, just a melatonin again tonight. Have to be able to function tomorrow. 

 

Having lived in U.K. you know we don't get seasons we can have all four in one day. We just have weather. We were very lucky with the holiday as Tony didn't cancel until the end of last week. We book through a company called Expedia - nit sure if it's in USA so we lost our flight money apart from airport taxes but only lost one nights accommodation and they have already paid the balance into my husbands account. My daughter s family are away for a week and yes will miss them terribly but it might just give me a breathing space. 

 

Good for you taking action with the storage depot one move forward which has to ease your mind a little even though it is such an awful situation. Do you know when you will move into your brothers. 

 

Wishing you you a calm and peaceful day 

 

wondered where my text had gone, like you I hit the wrong button too 

[JS11]

4 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

 

You poor thing, how much grief have you to endure, losing any beloved pet is awful but while you are already suffering that is just too hard. We have had 3 cats during our marriage, Sacha, lived the longest to 17 but died a few years ago. I love animals and would love a dog but before all this started we would often be on holidays and it's just not fair on pets. My mum used to come and care for them before she became too frail.  

 

Normally it it is the anxiety that wakes me up and yes cortisol flooding the system. Had a 15 minute respite this morning before it hit. Not so intense today so fingers crossed, just a melatonin again tonight. Have to be able to function tomorrow. 

 

Having lived in U.K. you know we don't get seasons we can have all four in one day. We just have weather. We were very lucky with the holiday as Tony didn't cancel until the end of last week. We book through a company called Expedia - nit sure if it's in USA so we lost our flight money apart from airport taxes but only lost one nights accommodation and they have already paid the balance into my husbands account. My daughter s family are away for a week and yes will miss them terribly but it might just give me a breathing space. 

 

Good for you taking action with the storage depot one move forward which has to ease your mind a little even though it is such an awful situation. Do you know when you will move into your brothers. 

 

Wishing you you a calm and peaceful day 

 

wondered where my text had gone, like you I hit the wrong button too 

I did get a message earlier.  And then this one.  I am going to try and lie down a little.  Will respond after my adventure.  Hopefully, your sleep will not be one for you.

take care,

JS

[JS11]

Hi Scorpio, 

Just wanted to send a quick note as I am going to attempt to go to bed.  Try to respond appropriately tomorrow.  My brother is coming around 9am to help pack and I am hoping, hoping, hoping I will be upright and able.  

 

I did manage to shower--no make-up though--go get the storage unit and go to the store.  Earth shaking events at a time like this.  I even rode my exercise bike.  Don't want to get too wild though. 

Took some melatonin earlier and it is hopefully going to knock me out in a good way.  You may just be getting up, hopefully symptom free.  

 

Brings back memories of my time in London when I used to always think of what my mama would be doing at different times when I was many hours ahead and so far away.  My schedule was crazy though and I never went to bed before the wee hours of the morning.

 

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts of my baby, Teddy.  Well, he was not smallish, part lab and part Australian shepherd, and the sweetest boy.  I do miss his gentle snore.  You do understand having had your kitties.  Such love.  

take care Scorpio,

Here's to being upright and sassy for the both of us,

talk tomorrow

Hopefully I can press the right button

JS 

 

[Scorpio]

On 04/09/2017 at 2:25 PM, Scorpio said:

Thank you bubble will have to try and keep saying it. I will heal. 

 

On 04/09/2017 at 2:25 PM, Scorpio said:

Thank you bubble will have to try and keep saying it. I will heal. 

Hi bubble 

im sorry to come moaning at you again but once again in a bad way. Have had two days of feeling a little better yesterday kept having lots of mini headaches.  Took a melatonin went to bed and have spent the whole night having drenching hot sweats. Terrible headaches. Nausea and anxiety. So scared it's taking a turn for the worse or are these normal symptoms. 

[ChessieCat]

The fact that you have had a couple of better days is a good sign.  Healing isn't linear.  The trouble is when you have felt a bit better and then things worsen again you feel disappointed and worried that you won't feel good again.  Then the fear sets in.  The more we can understand what is happening the more patient and calm we can be.

 

From What is Happening in Your Brain

 

"Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made."

[powerback]

25 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

 

Hi bubble 

im sorry to come moaning at you again but once again in a bad way. Have had two days of feeling a little better yesterday kept having lots of mini headaches.  Took a melatonin went to bed and have spent the whole night having drenching hot sweats. Terrible headaches. Nausea and anxiety. So scared it's taking a turn for the worse or are these normal symptoms. 

be very careful your not dehydrated ,drink water first thing in the morning ,when anxiety bad we can forget these things .

take care scorpio

 

[bubble]

16 hours ago, Scorpio said:

 

Tte baby although hard hard work is a blessing he is such a happy little thing and fortunately enjoys being with me so it helps me a lot.  I have him tomorrow again so my daughter can get the house sorted and packed as they leave about 4am Thursday morning for Tenerife. Last night I took 1.5mg of melatonin didn't touch magnesium all day did have a small lager at dinner time and slept til 6am by 6.15 full anxiety etc again but I don't know if it was the melatonin or a small window again - very confused. It's that no stepping on cracks syndrome again. Today I have actually managed to clean silver (plate) something I haven't done for ages and went out for a short while with my husband to a couple of shops and more miraculously put some mascara and lipstick on - amazing. Anxiety, grumbling stomach, tinnitus and lots of mini headaches but upright. 

 

I'm sorry things are rough again.

 

In addition to what Chessie wrote, I just put in bold some things from your post 16 hours ago which might give a hint as to why your symptoms ramped up again (in addition to this being a normal thing to expect: windows and ways, Rubic cube, up and down)

 

You did nothing out of ordinary. Actually very tiny normal things but as you learn more about yourself in withdrawal you might notice that even doing something very, very light (under normal circumstances) is just too much for your brain at this moment (taking a slow walk on a broken leg wouldn't go well either).

 

It's extremely frustrating and takes more patience than we ever thought we had but it's just the nature of the beast. We are a human experiment that nobody ever did before: what happens to the human brain after 10 years of antidepressants... We know it heals but it takes time and it heals in its own very peculiar manner.

 

As much as one lager and a glass of wine sound harmless try to avoid them for some time. People in withdrawal describe the exact effect of even small amounts of alcohol: it sedates (and 'helps' with sleep) but then causes anxiety to go through the roof...

 

You may want to check out this thread:

 

Just gentle and mindful self-care and things will settle down soon. You are still in very early stages.

[Scorpio]

10 hours ago, powerback said:

be very careful your not dehydrated ,drink water first thing in the morning ,when anxiety bad we can forget these things .

take care scorpio

 

Hi powerback

 

thank you once again for calming words. The only good thing although when really bad I can't face food I am always drinking water so one less thing to worry about. 

[Scorpio]

11 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

The fact that you have had a couple of better days is a good sign.  Healing isn't linear.  The trouble is when you have felt a bit better and then things worsen again you feel disappointed and worried that you won't feel good again.  Then the fear sets in.  The more we can understand what is happening the more patient and calm we can be.

 

From What is Happening in Your Brain

 

"Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made."

Hi Chessie cat

thank you for your support and the world tower scenario makes a lot of sense in fact last night if felt as though builders in my head were all using sledgehammers at the same time! Will keep trying to remember that scenario. 

[Scorpio]

9 hours ago, bubble said:

 

I'm sorry things are rough again.

 

In addition to what Chessie wrote, I just put in bold some things from your post 16 hours ago which might give a hint as to why your symptoms ramped up again (in addition to this being a normal thing to expect: windows and ways, Rubic cube, up and down)

 

You did nothing out of ordinary. Actually very tiny normal things but as you learn more about yourself in withdrawal you might notice that even doing something very, very light (under normal circumstances) is just too much for your brain at this moment (taking a slow walk on a broken leg wouldn't go well either).

 

It's extremely frustrating and takes more patience than we ever thought we had but it's just the nature of the beast. We are a human experiment that nobody ever did before: what happens to the human brain after 10 years of antidepressants... We know it heals but it takes time and it heals in its own very peculiar manner.

 

As much as one lager and a glass of wine sound harmless try to avoid them for some time. People in withdrawal describe the exact effect of even small amounts of alcohol: it sedates (and 'helps' with sleep) but then causes anxiety to go through the roof...

 

You may want to check out this thread:

 

Just gentle and mindful self-care and things will settle down soon. You are still in very early stages.

Hi bubble,  thank you again. It makes sense the highlighted script but the euphoria when starting to feel a little more normal give me a false sense of security only to pay for it last night. It was a very scary experience and don't want another one so will bear your wise words in mind. 

[Scorpio]

13 hours ago, JS11 said:

Hi Scorpio, 

Just wanted to send a quick note as I am going to attempt to go to bed.  Try to respond appropriately tomorrow.  My brother is coming around 9am to help pack and I am hoping, hoping, hoping I will be upright and able.  

 

I did manage to shower--no make-up though--go get the storage unit and go to the store.  Earth shaking events at a time like this.  I even rode my exercise bike.  Don't want to get too wild though. 

Took some melatonin earlier and it is hopefully going to knock me out in a good way.  You may just be getting up, hopefully symptom free.  

 

Brings back memories of my time in London when I used to always think of what my mama would be doing at different times when I was many hours ahead and so far away.  My schedule was crazy though and I never went to bed before the wee hours of the morning.

 

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts of my baby, Teddy.  Well, he was not smallish, part lab and part Australian shepherd, and the sweetest boy.  I do miss his gentle snore.  You do understand having had your kitties.  Such love.  

take care Scorpio,

Here's to being upright and sassy for the both of us,

talk tomorrow

Hopefully I can press the right button

JS 

 

Hi JS

i hope your packing went well and you were able to cope. Well done on the exercise bike and storage unit etc but take care don't overdo it. If you have seen my threads from this morning you will see I paid heavily last night.  Don't want to experience it again the pains in my head were going all night as well as drenching hot sweats and nausea throughout the night. So much for melatonin.   Today even though felt dreadful had to care for baby so my daughter could pack etc. Their taxi picks them up at 3.15am tomorrow morning so she really couldn't do without help. My husband had to go to doctors today he has a chest infection so laid out too. Happy house!  We have both said tomorrow we do nothing but relax and keep calm. 

 

So have you managed to pack everything and do you know when you are actually moving to your brothers?   

[bubble]

8 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi bubble,  thank you again. It makes sense the highlighted script but the euphoria when starting to feel a little more normal give me a false sense of security only to pay for it last night. It was a very scary experience and don't want another one so will bear your wise words in mind. 

 

It happens to me all the time!

 

And the word you used for this is great: euphoria. Whenever I feel a bit better I plunged into life like a starved person presented with a table full of dishes. And then I suffer. It's really hard if not impossible to strike a balance. Over time and with lots of practice I've somehow learnt to hold myself back but then I get tired of living on a tight leash...

 

Don't beat yourself about it. I just put those thing in bold as a way of explaining why things got bad again and not as a way of reprimanding you. This process is so so unfair... But we are making it!

 

Hope things settle down soon. 

[Scorpio]

3 minutes ago, bubble said:

 

It happens to me all the time!

 

And the word you used for this is great: euphoria. Whenever I feel a bit better I plunged into life like a starved person presented with a table full of dishes. And then I suffer. It's really hard if not impossible to strike a balance. Over time and with lots of practice I've somehow learnt to hold myself back but then I get tired of living on a tight leash...

 

Don't beat yourself about it. I just put those thing in bold as a way of explaining why things got bad again and not as a way of reprimanding you. This process is so so unfair... But we are making it!

 

Hope things settle down soon. 

Hi bubble

thank you so much. Your words always give me a calmer feeling and I manage to keep going again. Yes it is terribly unfair to all of us I am just keeping fingers crossed it doesn't repeat tonight. 

[JS11]

8 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

i hope your packing went well and you were able to cope. Well done on the exercise bike and storage unit etc but take care don't overdo it. If you have seen my threads from this morning you will see I paid heavily last night.  Don't want to experience it again the pains in my head were going all night as well as drenching hot sweats and nausea throughout the night. So much for melatonin.   Today even though felt dreadful had to care for baby so my daughter could pack etc. Their taxi picks them up at 3.15am tomorrow morning so she really couldn't do without help. My husband had to go to doctors today he has a chest infection so laid out too. Happy house!  We have both said tomorrow we do nothing but relax and keep calm. 

 

So have you managed to pack everything and do you know when you are actually moving to your brothers?   

Yes, I did see your threads, I guess that is what you call them.  I am so very sorry for the hellish evening you had.  We are truly sensitive souls.  Do you have brain zaps as well as headaches?  Either one would be bad enough, mind you.  Was anything helpful for the nights or nausea or did you just have to wait it out?  Just lousy.  Taking care of the wee babe after that couldn't have been easy and yes, keeping calm and carrying on and just relaxing sounds like exactly what you need.  I hope it will ease your symptoms as well.

No packing today, which I am grateful of.  My brother had some things come up.  I have been rather dizzy and swoony  all morning.  

 

Going to try to lie down for about an hour as I have an appointment coming here in an hour.  Just wiped out.  Maybe did a little too much yesterday as well.  Easy to do.  

 

I have until either September 11 or the 18 to move.  If I leave on the 11th, I get a little loot, but I don't know if it is worth it.  I just want to be somewhere familiar--my own surroundings--not out in the boonies.  Should try to focus on gratefulness and moving forward.  Just so very frightened about it all, especially with all the things going on in my body.  I suppose I just don't want to be judged.  I am trying the best I can.  Accepted a job at a Catholic school on Monday.  I do so love them and they are very kind but I am scared.  I have not worked all summer and well with present circumstances, well,  I am trying to get through the day and not focus on that, but it is so very hard.  Feeling very sad today.  Happy house here as well, Scorpio.  We are healing, we are healing.  We are strong.  

Hope you have some lovely relief,

take care,

JS

[Scorpio]

26 minutes ago, JS11 said:

Yes, I did see your threads, I guess that is what you call them.  I am so very sorry for the hellish evening you had.  We are truly sensitive souls.  Do you have brain zaps as well as headaches?  Either one would be bad enough, mind you.  Was anything helpful for the nights or nausea or did you just have to wait it out?  Just lousy.  Taking care of the wee babe after that couldn't have been easy and yes, keeping calm and carrying on and just relaxing sounds like exactly what you need.  I hope it will ease your symptoms as well.

No packing today, which I am grateful of.  My brother had some things come up.  I have been rather dizzy and swoony  all morning.  

 

Going to try to lie down for about an hour as I have an appointment coming here in an hour.  Just wiped out.  Maybe did a little too much yesterday as well.  Easy to do.  

 

I have until either September 11 or the 18 to move.  If I leave on the 11th, I get a little loot, but I don't know if it is worth it.  I just want to be somewhere familiar--my own surroundings--not out in the boonies.  Should try to focus on gratefulness and moving forward.  Just so very frightened about it all, especially with all the things going on in my body.  I suppose I just don't want to be judged.  I am trying the best I can.  Accepted a job at a Catholic school on Monday.  I do so love them and they are very kind but I am scared.  I have not worked all summer and well with present circumstances, well,  I am trying to get through the day and not focus on that, but it is so very hard.  Feeling very sad today.  Happy house here as well, Scorpio.  We are healing, we are healing.  We are strong.  

Hope you have some lovely relief,

take care,

JS

Hi JS

Im so sorry you are going through a horrible time. I'm not at all surprised you are feeling wiped out. Just give in to it and rest as much as you can. You have far too much on your plate and to have to contemplate going back to work must be so frightening for you. My admiration is sky high in what you are having to do. I totally understand wanting to be in a safe place all you can do today is park all those worries and concentrate on just you. Rest, try and eat, drink and give in to it. This is a case of pots calling kettles black!  I know it's not easy but will benefit you for another day tomorrow. 

No I just was awake from 1am with stomach making all sounds of noises, drenched hot sweats, nausea and the most painful head pains. Not zaps. So frightening continued until I got up at 7. 

 

Yes we we are healing we believe don't we and it will get better. Small steps. A few days ago you couldn't see yourself getting on your exercise bike but you did it, even if you don't do it for another few weeks remember you did it. One small step for man. 

 

I hope you feel better after a rest, keep going, we will get there. 

[JS11]

9 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

Im so sorry you are going through a horrible time. I'm not at all surprised you are feeling wiped out. Just give in to it and rest as much as you can. You have far too much on your plate and to have to contemplate going back to work must be so frightening for you. My admiration is sky high in what you are having to do. I totally understand wanting to be in a safe place all you can do today is park all those worries and concentrate on just you. Rest, try and eat, drink and give in to it. This is a case of pots calling kettles black!  I know it's not easy but will benefit you for another day tomorrow. 

No I just was awake from 1am with stomach making all sounds of noises, drenched hot sweats, nausea and the most painful head pains. Not zaps. So frightening continued until I got up at 7. 

 

Yes we we are healing we believe don't we and it will get better. Small steps. A few days ago you couldn't see yourself getting on your exercise bike but you did it, even if you don't do it for another few weeks remember you did it. One small step for man. 

 

I hope you feel better after a rest, keep going, we will get there. 

Oh good gosh almighty, Scorpio, this is the 3rd time I have attempted to reply to your post, and then, "poof!"  It just disappeared.  Maybe someone, somewhere is encouraging me to go to bed, but I was just trying to tell you how much I appreciated your kind words and reminders.  So very much.  I think I will press submit reply before I have to start again...

[JS11]

Just now, JS11 said:

Oh good gosh almighty, Scorpio, this is the 3rd time I have attempted to reply to your post, and then, "poof!"  It just disappeared.  Maybe someone, somewhere is encouraging me to go to bed, but I was just trying to tell you how much I appreciated your kind words and reminders.  So very much.  I think I will press submit reply before I have to start again...

If my memory was working better, I could actually recall what I said.  Arghh.  So, if by chance you get several posts and they are similar, know that I wasn't trying to edit just trying to post the damndable thing.  

 

Had a little bit of everything this day:  dizzy, boo-hooing, couldn't focus, bleak house and then just holding, like balancing on one foot, not wanting to lean too far to the left or right for fear I will fall backwards or on my backside.  My head is feeling very weird at the moment, floaty almost, no doubt due to the trauma of trying to post! 

 

I do so appreciate your support.  I hesitated to talk about the other life things that were going on, embarrassed, I suppose to find myself in this position.  Was afraid to risk it.  just trying to say, thank you.

 

I would imagine the wee babe and family are off.  Maybe you can lounge on the settee and have a nice cuppa, or just do nothing.  And may all those nasty withdrawals be gone and leave you in peace.  

 

In that you like Disney, like me, I will share something which I had copied down and found tucked in a book.  I pulled it out and put it my bed so it could read this quote often:"No matter how your heart is grieving, If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."  Cinderella (One of my very favorites.)  Wishing for you much healing...

take care, 

JS

[Scorpio]

13 hours ago, JS11 said:

If my memory was working better, I could actually recall what I said.  Arghh.  So, if by chance you get several posts and they are similar, know that I wasn't trying to edit just trying to post the damndable thing.  

 

Had a little bit of everything this day:  dizzy, boo-hooing, couldn't focus, bleak house and then just holding, like balancing on one foot, not wanting to lean too far to the left or right for fear I will fall backwards or on my backside.  My head is feeling very weird at the moment, floaty almost, no doubt due to the trauma of trying to post! 

 

I do so appreciate your support.  I hesitated to talk about the other life things that were going on, embarrassed, I suppose to find myself in this position.  Was afraid to risk it.  just trying to say, thank you.

 

I would imagine the wee babe and family are off.  Maybe you can lounge on the settee and have a nice cuppa, or just do nothing.  And may all those nasty withdrawals be gone and leave you in peace.  

 

In that you like Disney, like me, I will share something which I had copied down and found tucked in a book.  I pulled it out and put it my bed so it could read this quote often:"No matter how your heart is grieving, If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."  Cinderella (One of my very favorites.)  Wishing for you much healing...

take care, 

JS

Hi JS

I hope today is easier for you. Never apologise I feel honoured to share some of your life with you, I can't make it better for you but I certainly commiserate and you know what they say about a problem shared etc. It's all those horrible wd symptoms that are making you feel worse. 

We were woken with a phone call at 3.15am this morning assumed it would be my 91 year father in law and as always heart starts beating fast but no my son in law saying he had locked them out the house while loading the taxi could he come and get the spare key!  

I know I have pushed it too much this week after the night before bad night and then having baby the next day and bad night have been laid out all day with hot sweats, awful head pains again, grumbling stomach, tinnitus, burning legs, nausea and freezing cold so back to square one and convinced it will never get better again. The only bright spot this afternoon my husband started to feel a little better. My daughter FaceTime me as well so I could see them all. The baby slept three hours on the plane and then was flirting with anyone who would look at him so became everyone's distraction on the plane, airport and then the hotel so I'm sure they will be fine. 

Keep fighting, we can do it, we will do it and will defy those blessed doctors. 

[JS11]

5 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS

I hope today is easier for you. Never apologise I feel honoured to share some of your life with you, I can't make it better for you but I certainly commiserate and you know what they say about a problem shared etc. It's all those horrible wd symptoms that are making you feel worse. 

We were woken with a phone call at 3.15am this morning assumed it would be my 91 year father in law and as always heart starts beating fast but no my son in law saying he had locked them out the house while loading the taxi could he come and get the spare key!  

I know I have pushed it too much this week after the night before bad night and then having baby the next day and bad night have been laid out all day with hot sweats, awful head pains again, grumbling stomach, tinnitus, burning legs, nausea and freezing cold so back to square one and convinced it will never get better again. The only bright spot this afternoon my husband started to feel a little better. My daughter FaceTime me as well so I could see them all. The baby slept three hours on the plane and then was flirting with anyone who would look at him so became everyone's distraction on the plane, airport and then the hotel so I'm sure they will be fine. 

Keep fighting, we can do it, we will do it and will defy those blessed doctors. 

I know I feel the same way, I just feel so dreadfully insecure and vulnerable about everything.  Small decisions seem to carry the weight of the world, not to mention the big ones, which I just cannot seem to cope with at present.  Just spinning in circles.  

 

Oh my gosh, 3:15 a.m?  Were you already awake?  So glad it wasn't bad news which is always what you think at that time of night.  

 

And here was your day to lie about, but in such an awful state.  You have been doing so very much of late and I hope that you get a chance to just settle in and get some relief.  I have never used Facetime, I don't think, although I do use Skype.  Ah flirty little babies.  It is so nice to hear that the plane ride wasn't so upsetting for him.  Good entertainment for all.  

 

I am feeling frustrated too.  Woke at 4am with stomach ache.  The past couple of days I have eaten a little real food rather than a protein drink, so maybe my body just rebelling a little there.  Was dizzy too, which makes it oh so hard to do anything.  That has settled down some thankfully.  The variety of symptoms are so very troubling aren't they.  

 

On Wednesday I stopped taking so much of the liquid Escitalopram as I think I have become way too sensitized and it may be contributing to the anxiety I am experiencing which seems to surge almost immediately after the dose.  I am now trying 7.25mg in tablet form.  Have to split the little buggers,  so hopefully this is a somewhat accurate dose.  I haven't looked at a scale yet but perhaps will.  Feel like a pharmacist.  They probably have better tools though.  Cut the liquid to 0.6 mg so 7.85 total, which is a little less than 8mg but it is difficult to measure.  I hope this doesn't unsettle things too much.  From there, I will taper the liquid when it is time.  

 

I started reading someone's thread, trying to get the vernacular straight.  It gave me some comfort and did make me feel not so all alone. She is going through the some of the same things we are, some different, but all produced by tapering off medication.  Strength in numbers I guess.  

 

My father goes to a day program a couple times a week, today and tomorrow this week because of Monday's holiday.  The van doesn't come to the house, so I drop him off at a store down the street in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon.  Such a simple thing but it seems takes so much energy just to do.  I think I am going to try and close my eyes before I have to go and pick him up.

 

I am so sorry you are experiencing all those nasty withdrawal symptoms, but sharing does so ease the burden.  

We will carry on.

take care Scorpio,

JS