Scorpio: Will this ever end?

[Scorpio]

Hi JS11

you and me both in the same situation,   Symptoms very similar especially those ones we don’t speak about!  The trouble with psychs no matter how lovely they are all taught from the same book which preaches what we know is wrong from this site. Don’t let her attitude to ssri’s Upset you. We know we are doing the right thing and we will recover.  Yes it’s very frightening and scary when these ugly symptoms bite us and we can’t control them but they will diminish slowly but surely. 

We are fighting this together and we don’t give up, giving equal support. The joy of this site is we don’t have to explain how hard it is and we find friends on here that are truly caring even when going through their own hell. 

 

[JS11]

On 10/24/2017 at 5:34 AM, Scorpio said:

Thank you bubble those neuro emotions are such horrible cruel feelings.  I read both links and they have made me think better thoughts. It also explains re the stomach holding lots of serotonin receptors why my stomach is making so much noise when in a bad way and the cramping pain in the Bowel. 

Your brother sounds like wonderful support to you and it’s exactly what my husband who is still sceptical said this horrible wave is not as bad as previous ones which I find hard to believe but he sees me so would know. I mourn the loss of my social life too, friends message me as they know I rarely manage to speak on the phone. While on the drug having longer windows I would be out and about seeing people, ringing friends. Since July is restricted to my daughter, brother and that’s about it. Of course I have you, and the friends I have made on here who are giving me so much support, quest, LG, wantrelief, js11, flowers. All this support is what has got me through the last nearly 4 months.  

Im still a meat eater as my husband would think it’s a step too far if I restrict his diet but I do eat loads of fruit and veg. I long for the day I can eat a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine. Swimming and sauna sounds lovely I’m sure it helped relax you 

you will return to work soon just be very kind to yourself, enjoy the walks with your brother enjoying the green trees turning such lovely colours. Remember practice exactly what you spend so much time telling all of us frightened survivors. 

Dusting done , about to fight the hoover and then if still upright will fight the polish. 

Yes we will make it but don’t go anywhere far from this site when you do as so many of us need you. 

 

[JS11]

Okay that is just weird.  I was reading my email, saw your name went to this post and was going to write something and then it posted your post with my initial.

That is the kind of day it has been.  Full moons are powerful but geez.  

What I was going to say was a wonderful gf of mine does not celebrate Her "birth"day but here birthday month.  I think maybe you should have an impromptu celebration when it suits you.  That way, you know when you are feeling better.

I celebrate you!

And apparently, I am now impersonating you too!

xoxo,

JS11

[JS11]

5 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hi JS11

you and me both in the same situation,   Symptoms very similar especially those ones we don’t speak about!  The trouble with psychs no matter how lovely they are all taught from the same book which preaches what we know is wrong from this site. Don’t let her attitude to ssri’s Upset you. We know we are doing the right thing and we will recover.  Yes it’s very frightening and scary when these ugly symptoms bite us and we can’t control them but they will diminish slowly but surely. 

We are fighting this together and we don’t give up, giving equal support. The joy of this site is we don’t have to explain how hard it is and we find friends on here that are truly caring even when going through their own hell. 

 

AHHHHHMEN!

[Scorpio]

Well still in this miserable soul destroying wave that renders me to being a scared pitiful child. Unable to do anything just cower praying for relief. Anxiety horrible and dominating everything as well as the other side effects. 

I am trying so hard to practice all the help suggestions on here but cannot get my mind to relax. Keep looking at all the helpful links that bubble has sent me and read successful stories but the wave is still convincing me it will not get better and I am one frightened hopeless lady. 

[JS11]

I'm so very sorry my friend.  I have a hard time grabbing onto a lifeline when I am in such a state as well.  Why are there italics? 

Just wanted to send you love and tell you that I am thinking about you and praying that some relief is sent your way.

xoxo,

JS11

[Frogie]

9 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Well still in this miserable soul destroying wave that renders me to being a scared pitiful child. Unable to do anything just cower praying for relief. Anxiety horrible and dominating everything as well as the other side effects. 

I am trying so hard to practice all the help suggestions on here but cannot get my mind to relax. Keep looking at all the helpful links that bubble has sent me and read successful stories but the wave is still convincing me it will not get better and I am one frightened hopeless lady. 

Scorpio:

 

I'm really sorry you are going through all this.

 

Today, I had more anxiety than I have ever had. It was/is horrendous. I'm short of breath, and now my heart is skipping. I don't know if that's normal or not, it's never happened to me. I don't know if I should go to the dr or not.

 

I hope you have a huge window soon.

 

I hope we can keep in contact and help each other through these anxiety attacks.

 

Have a good day.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Scorpio]

Hi frogie

its lovely to hear from you. Another lexapro invalid. I read your thread and you also have been through the horrible times this drug throws at us. I am sorry you are also suffering, anxiety is so horrible isn’t it. Scary and dominates everything. I get shortness of breath but think it’s part of the anxiety I just try hard to ignore it and it does ease. As for heart racing I have only had a couple of times and it goes as quickly as it comes thank goodness. 

I have a one year old grandson who I help with childcare and he came in this afternoon as much as I dreaded it as I felt so ill he became my focus for 4 hours and the anxiety although bubbling away lessened enough for me to care for him. 

Your tapering looked as though it was going really well but I read on her it gets harder once you are below 10mg. Maybe it is just the reduction that’s causing these issues for you and you just need to hold and wait for stabilisation again. I, in ignorance went from 8mg to 0 then once on here upped to 1mg. Seventeen weeks and still trying to get stable. I have had some better weeks but crash down again and it always feels so hopeless when back in these awful waves. I managed to eat tonight which is first time in 4 days so some  improvement I just hope the rest of the symptoms ease too. I had the nausea twenty four hours a day for quite a few weeks when I went on 1mg. The only things I found helped was sticking a peppermint in my mouth, peppermint tea, ginger little success but I see it makes you worse. I can’t take any supplements so I’m stuck with any other helpful suggestions. My nose also gets very blocked and I get a drip from my nose when in waves but again it goes as the wave lessens. 

I hope some of my garbled conversation helps and you can see some similarities in symptoms. 

Look forward to hearing from you, 

‘Scorpio 

 

[Frogie]

47 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi frogie

its lovely to hear from you. Another lexapro invalid. I read your thread and you also have been through the horrible times this drug throws at us. I am sorry you are also suffering, anxiety is so horrible isn’t it. Scary and dominates everything. I get shortness of breath but think it’s part of the anxiety I just try hard to ignore it and it does ease. As for heart racing I have only had a couple of times and it goes as quickly as it comes thank goodness. 

I have a one year old grandson who I help with childcare and he came in this afternoon as much as I dreaded it as I felt so ill he became my focus for 4 hours and the anxiety although bubbling away lessened enough for me to care for him. 

Your tapering looked as though it was going really well but I read on her it gets harder once you are below 10mg. Maybe it is just the reduction that’s causing these issues for you and you just need to hold and wait for stabilisation again. I, in ignorance went from 8mg to 0 then once on here upped to 1mg. Seventeen weeks and still trying to get stable. I have had some better weeks but crash down again and it always feels so hopeless when back in these awful waves. I managed to eat tonight which is first time in 4 days so some  improvement I just hope the rest of the symptoms ease too. I had the nausea twenty four hours a day for quite a few weeks when I went on 1mg. The only things I found helped was sticking a peppermint in my mouth, peppermint tea, ginger little success but I see it makes you worse. I can’t take any supplements so I’m stuck with any other helpful suggestions. My nose also gets very blocked and I get a drip from my nose when in waves but again it goes as the wave lessens. 

I hope some of my garbled conversation helps and you can see some similarities in symptoms. 

Look forward to hearing from you, 

‘Scorpio 

 

Hi Scorpio:

 

It's very nice to meet another Lexapro user. I call myself a Lexapro loser lol... Anxiety is the worst. I've never had an attack like today, with my heart. Scared the you know what out of me.

 

You are very lucky to get to see your grandchild. I moved away 4 years ago,and don't get to see my granddaughter as much as I want. I used to have her all the time. She's 10 but thinks she's 25 lol... But they do distract you when you don't feel good, they keep you going.

 

I really appreciate you helping me. Usually, I keep most things to myself, except when my dog got sick and I was sick for a month and on different antibiotics. I think it's true, my body may be healed from being sick but now has to rebuild itself, and it decided to give me a whopper today.

 

I've taken my blood pressure it's running 107/73, oxygen level is 96-97 and heartbeat is 88, even through my anxiety attack. So I know I'm ok.

 

I think life has just caught up with me. Way too much stuff.

 

After all of this I have a slight headache, so I took some ibuprofen. Im sitting in my chair, sipping on a cup of chamomile tea and relaxing.

 

I don't want to go through this again!

 

I really appreciate you helping me. You have no idea.

 

I hope we can keep in contact.

 

Thanks again.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Flowers]

Hi Scorpio

 

So sorry you are having a bad time with anxiety.  Its good you managed to eat tonight.  

 

Sometimes when I am in a bad wave I cannot practice any self soothing at all. If I try and usually fail it just makes the anxiety worse as I start worrying about not being able to do it! So,  I just rest and try to take my mind off things in other ways like reading or watching TV.  Have you tried a nice warm bath with epsom salts added. It can be very relaxing for some. I don't have a bath, only showers, so I can't do that but have some magnesium body oil that I spray and rub in to relax muscles.  I can't take magnesium tablets as they upset my tummy even more but the oil spray is fine. Holland and Barrett is where I get mine. 

 

  I always feel really sick too so can't eat.  I am keeping you and Frogie company in a wave at the moment and have lost 4 lbs in 3 days as unable to eat much at all.  

 

Are you getting any good days or hours at all?  Today I went from feeling awful to OK and then  backwards and forwards like that all day.  For a few minutes I felt normal. It is so exhausting battling through each day feeling like this.  I am not depressed just agitated and anxious.  I get the shortness of breath but it is only when I am thinking about breathing so has to be anxiety related! Grrrrhhhh!!!

 

I know I am worrying about the trip back to UK as always get stressed about leaving my 'safe place'  here.  I know once I get there I will be fine - it is just the bit in between that is horrible.

 

But who knows how we will be tomorrow? We may wake up and feel much better. This is what I hold on to and remembering that I was well for a while just recently.  Each wave when it arrives smashes our spirit and it is hard to take being hit again.  

 

We can do this though and we will get well.  You are not alone with these rotten symptoms. We can support each other through the bad times . 

 

Lots of hugs.

 

Flowers xxx

 

Keep strong Scorpio.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Scorpio]

Hello flowers

thank you for your kind words. It is such hell isnt it when these waves knock us down. I can’t take the magnesium supplements either in fact I can’t find much I can take. I have had the occasional Epsom foot soak so will have another go at that. I long to be able to eat everything I used to, I was a big fan of marzipan and chocolate covered cherries but haven’t had them for it seems a very long time. One day I will manage them again.  We are the same I lose weight every time but then can’t seem to put it back on again I’m sure when longer windows come I will manage it.

today I woke up with same horrible anxiety but now also feel as though I am going down with judes bug. So another horrible day but I did manage to make it with Tony to Sainsburys so a big step on the rest of the week. Just very pleased we didn’t see anyone we knew as I looked like a bag lady. At least we hve some food in the house and fruit for me to try and pick on. 

I am keeping everything crossed you are getting some relief from your rotten wave too, did you manage to eat today, I hope so.  I forced a banana down this morning and will have another go at dinner time. 

Im so pleased I’m not the only one who just can’t manage the mindfulness and yoga makes me feel slightly less useless. 

Love

scorpio

[Scorpio]

Hi frogie

i have everything crossed that you are feeling a bit better today. Your heart sounds as though it is ticking along just fine so blame it all on that worst symptom anxiety. 

You must miss your granddaughter terribly, Do you get to see her very often?  My grandson was one last Monday and I love him to bits but it’s a double edged sword like so much in our fragile state. I have him 2 days a week while his mum is at work but seem to see him a lot more than that and he is going through a run of bugs and viruses which he has no problem sharing. 

I hope your dog is recovered, they mean so much to us,  and also you, I see you took 4 antibiotics.  You sound like me, I have developed sensitivity to most drugs and supplements, so finding anything I can take is a job in itself. I dread becoming ill to the point of needing medication as it’s Russian roulette if I can take it. I’m pleased the chamomile helps relax you I tend to drink peppermint as often have nausea as well. If you would rather pm me feel free or we can just chat on here. 

Look forward to hearing your day is hopefully better today.  I managed to make myself go with my husband to buy food today so a big step from the last 5 days. At least he won’t starve to death now. 

Hugs

scorpio

[Scorpio]

23 hours ago, JS11 said:

I'm so very sorry my friend.  I have a hard time grabbing onto a lifeline when I am in such a state as well.  Why are there italics? 

Just wanted to send you love and tell you that I am thinking about you and praying that some relief is sent your way.

xoxo,

JS11

Hi js11

i love the italics, very dynamic,  thank you, we are both in this pickle together and we will both climb out of it. We are strong, aren’t we??  

Hugs

scorpio. 

[Flowers]

1 hour ago, Scorpio said:

Hello flowers

thank you for your kind words. It is such hell isnt it when these waves knock us down. I can’t take the magnesium supplements either in fact I can’t find much I can take. I have had the occasional Epsom foot soak so will have another go at that. I long to be able to eat everything I used to, I was a big fan of marzipan and chocolate covered cherries but haven’t had them for it seems a very long time. One day I will manage them again.  We are the same I lose weight every time but then can’t seem to put it back on again I’m sure when longer windows come I will manage it.

today I woke up with same horrible anxiety but now also feel as though I am going down with judes bug. So another horrible day but I did manage to make it with Tony to Sainsburys so a big step on the rest of the week. Just very pleased we didn’t see anyone we knew as I looked like a bag lady. At least we hve some food in the house and fruit for me to try and pick on. 

I am keeping everything crossed you are getting some relief from your rotten wave too, did you manage to eat today, I hope so.  I forced a banana down this morning and will have another go at dinner time. 

Im so pleased I’m not the only one who just can’t manage the mindfulness and yoga makes me feel slightly less useless. 

Love

scorpio

Hi Scorpio

 

You did so well to go to Sainsburys. Supermarkets can be a challenge  and  I always see people I know when I look like a bag lady!   I hope you don't succumb to Jude's bug although it is getting that time of year when there are lots of germs around.  I love chocolate covered cherries too - well anything chocolate really but can't face anything like that at the moment.

 

Today has been weird. I awoke early with heart palpitations and feeling jittery. I had had a lot of cramp in my feet all night so didn't sleep well.  I didn't feel like eating anything and forgot to force myself to eat something. We then went out to do some work and although I felt bad I could handle it.

 

After that we went to see a friend who is in hospital.  He has broken 4 ribs and is in a lot of pain and finding it hard to breathe. Watching him started giving me anxiety about my own breathing. How weird is that?   While I was sitting there I started to feel really peculiar like I was going to pass out.  Couldn't have happened in a better place could it? lol!  Anyway, I could only just manage to walk up the hill to the car, I felt so exhausted. I came home and have been in bed since. My feet are like ice and I feel really overwhelmed and worn out but can't sleep.

 

I think I have  overdone it and ramped up my CNS thinking I could just carry on as normal when in a wave. Concentrating on distraction too much and not resting enough.  I should know better by now.  My husband is cooking dinner (again) and I don't know whether I will be able to eat it but I think my body needs food to give me some energy. My tummy is growling so loud I am surprised you can't hear it over there!

 

I think I am going to just stay put in here and not even watch anything on TV tonight. 

 

Hope you manage to eat something and watch a bit of TV.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for us.

 

Sorry I have talked about me too much probably on your thread! 

 

Lots of hugs.

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

oh you poor thing I know exactly what you are saying about triggering. The same thing happens to me when in a wave or even when in a partially good time anything sensitive will send me backwards. I really feel for you and know that you are such a fighter you try to overcome these horrible symptoms and then find you pushed too hard and back to the beginning again. To force yourself out was enough but to then go and see your friend in pain was a step too far for you at the moment. 

Try to eat if not for you just to please your husband after his efforts and to at least stop your stomach complaining.  Funnily enough and almost to scared to say it in case  I unleash it again my stomach has quietened down quite a bit this  week, along with bowel cramping and burning in delicate parts. Tinnitus is still playing its own dodgy tunes, anxiety still horrible. 

Can you read to distract you a little instead of tv or does it not help. I found a great American author whose books I love and found they help me try and lose myself.  Cramp is horrible I used to get it in my toes constantly until I stopped the steroid inhaler and at night it always feel ten times worse. 

Please don’t apologise for talking, for me it’s lovely to hear from you and to support each other when we are both suffering, in an ironic way it makes us realise even more we are not on our own. 

Love

scorpio

[Flowers]

1 hour ago, Scorpio said:

Hi flowers

oh you poor thing I know exactly what you are saying about triggering. The same thing happens to me when in a wave or even when in a partially good time anything sensitive will send me backwards. I really feel for you and know that you are such a fighter you try to overcome these horrible symptoms and then find you pushed too hard and back to the beginning again. To force yourself out was enough but to then go and see your friend in pain was a step too far for you at the moment. 

Try to eat if not for you just to please your husband after his efforts and to at least stop your stomach complaining.  Funnily enough and almost to scared to say it in case  I unleash it again my stomach has quietened down quite a bit this  week, along with bowel cramping and burning in delicate parts. Tinnitus is still playing its own dodgy tunes, anxiety still horrible. 

Can you read to distract you a little instead of tv or does it not help. I found a great American author whose books I love and found they help me try and lose myself.  Cramp is horrible I used to get it in my toes constantly until I stopped the steroid inhaler and at night it always feel ten times worse. 

Please don’t apologise for talking, for me it’s lovely to hear from you and to support each other when we are both suffering, in an ironic way it makes us realise even more we are not on our own. 

Love

scorpio

Hi Scorpio

 

Thank you for your kind words and sympathy. Only we know what this is really like and truly understand what we go through.

 

I am feeling much better after taking to my bed and letting my body relax. It was so full of tension from the anxiety I think. 

 

I managed to eat a little steak tonight and it hasn't upset my stomach so far. I am not diabetic and don't have low blood sugar as it has been checked out but this is what it feels like sometimes. I am sure it is  due to the lack of food.  I am pleased to hear your tummy is more settled this week. You still have some nasty things going on though with the burning, tinnitus and anxiety. 

 

I love reading and if I find a good book I just can go into that world. I am not sure what type of books you like reading but would be interested in the American author. I like books set in different countries that I can learn about and maybe some history going on too. 

 

I was interested in your comments about the cramp and the steroid inhaler.  I am asthmatic and use an inhaler called Seretide. It is a combination of Salmeterol and Fluticasone. I wonder if this is the culprit? I will investigate further so thank you for mentioning that.

 

Hope you are having a nice evening. I am now going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day!

 

Speak soon.

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

i am glad being in bed is soothing your anxiety. Well done on getting that food down - protein full of good things and will give you energy for tomorrow. 

I have told a few people about the book I read which I loved. It’s on amazon, easy if you are a kindle girl,  it’s callied Allie and Bea by Catherine Ryan Hyde.  About a crotchety elderly lady who through no fault of her own is made homeless and takes to her camper van then inadvertently picks up a young girl and then the story goes - brilliant. I’ve since read the Language of Hoofbeats which is just as good by her. 

I was on seretide for about four years.  My citaloprom pooped in the May and in the August I developed a blistery rash around my nose and mouth, diarrhoea, cramping constantly in my toes, lost weight, and my skin on my hands and arms if knocked would get purple bruises and I would tear and bleed easily in those places, and mild (I now know) anxiety. Then the nightmare of cipralex/lexapro. Go further 15 months and I couldn’t accept that the drug was right as I was so ill so started investigating. My dr suggested I needed to see a psychotherapist due to anxiety, spoke to the psychiatrist that the dr originally put me under who said he didn’t think any if it was due to my head, great after he had stuck me on this drug, and to see an endocrinologist. Did that and first thing he said was check the inhaler. Everything else was working order. I then went online and checked side effects for seretide and snap all those original symptoms matched except I now had another load of symptoms from Lexapro. Did research and found a new inhaler steroid free called anoro ellipta that I’ve used since last September. Rash, cramp, diarrhoea went in a couple of weeks and I put on a good few pounds for the first time in months. Since lost it all and more after w/d. Still have bruising.  

sorry garbled again but hope it helps you sort whether any of these symptoms match any of the ones you have had. It was obviously sensitivity to my cns from citaloprom pooping out that caused the allergic reaction to seretide along with antibiotics etc   

Let me know what you think

love

scorpio

[Flowers]

Hi Scorpio

 

Thank you so much  for all the information re  Seretide. I didn't realise you had taken that as well. I have been using this inhaler for a good many years.  Your news has certainly given me something to think about!  A few years ago my Dr tried to change it as there were newer drugs on the market. I tried several and they all gave me the jitters. Going back to Seretide established that this was the one with the least side effects for me but things can change can't they?

 

I haven't had blisters or bruising on hands  or arms etc. Of course I don't want to take anything that will make me worse but when I am in a window  I don't seem to get any reactions from anything. My toe cramps and diarrhea clear up and in a good window I am symptom free.  I wonder that if it was Seretide causing me trouble I would feel it even in a window. Maybe I will ask the mods.

 

I will look into the books - they sound like my cup of tea and I need a new book now I am indoors more. Something to pass the hours.

 

I hope you have had a reasonable weekend.  Are you helping with Jude today? I have seen it is very cold over there? 

 

Thank you for helping me with regards to the Seretide.

 

Thinking of you.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[bubble]

Just stopping by to greet all the kind ladies on this thread. Scorpio you seem to be doing at least a bit better at least for the last couple of days?

 

It's so nice to see you supporting Flowers. Flowers, I'm sorry you are in this wave and hope it passes soon. Greetings to Frogie and JS when they stop by. Hang in there. 

[Frogie]

Just now, bubble said:

Just stopping by to greet all the kind ladies on this thread. Scorpio you seem to be doing at least a bit better at least for the last couple of days?

 

It's so nice to see you supporting Flowers. Flowers, I'm sorry you are in this wave and hope it passes soon. Greetings to Frogie and JS when they stop by. Hang in there. 

Thanks bubble:

 

It's always nice to meet new people that can help each other.

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

im so pleased the seretide is not adding to your problems stick with it. I had no problems with it until citaloprom pooped. 

I see from your posts you are being kind to yourself very sensible and the only way to recover.  Inner trembling etc is horrible and I sympathise  . My better day yesterday lasted for just that today back to raging anxiety etc. Four and a half months still waiting for stability if that can be achieved on 1mg. Luisa and Jude turned up just as my hairdresser had come to kindly cut my hair. He is still recovering from his cold and he was in a definite bad mood - horrible  and very difficult which hasn’t helped my anxiety. I have  him all day tomorrow from 8.30. Just hope I cope. 

Take it easy flowers and I hope you manage to find that book, it will definitely distract you. Yesterday I had Christmas films on the tv to distract me and they really lifted my spirits. 

Big hugs

scorpio. 

[Scorpio]

Hi bubble

i think it’s called women united. All struggling and all fighting. 

I hope you are feeling better from your wave and back to enjoying your walks. 

Mines up and down like a yo-yo. Today another anxious ridden day but upright so better. 

[bubble]

19 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

All struggling and all fighting

 

This is so beautifully put! Up and down means things are about to level out. I hope it is sooner rather than later.

 

I think I can say it cautiously that after a month and a half I'm beginning to experience parts of day which are not only a struggle. Oh I never stopped walking! Walking is my main coping strategy. My symptoms are largely mental. Physically I usually manage at least a few kilometers. On Saturday I enjoyed 11 kilometers in amazing autumn forest and just couldn't stop snapping at all the patterns and colours. Sitting at my office takes all my energy (and then some) but I was able to be quite productive.

 

Stay united We are getting there.

[Scorpio]

Hi bubble

you are a Wonder Woman , 11 kilometres is not a gentle walk even if distracted with photography. Good to see you are back to work, have you got to the stage where you wish you had a day off yet?  So good your wave is diminishing a little. It can only get better, I find the mental side of the wave to be the hardest part to bear. Still trying to practice mindfulness but oh dear think my brain doesn’t want to play. Can you count jigsaws as mindfulness, maybe I’ll try that, the weather is freezing here and it’s only mid November. 

I honestly think the kindness and strong support of you and the other lovely ladies on here are what keeps me fighting on. 

[Flowers]

1 hour ago, Scorpio said:

Hi flowers

im so pleased the seretide is not adding to your problems stick with it. I had no problems with it until citaloprom pooped. 

I see from your posts you are being kind to yourself very sensible and the only way to recover.  Inner trembling etc is horrible and I sympathise  . My better day yesterday lasted for just that today back to raging anxiety etc. Four and a half months still waiting for stability if that can be achieved on 1mg. Luisa and Jude turned up just as my hairdresser had come to kindly cut my hair. He is still recovering from his cold and he was in a definite bad mood - horrible  and very difficult which hasn’t helped my anxiety. I have  him all day tomorrow from 8.30. Just hope I cope. 

Take it easy flowers and I hope you manage to find that book, it will definitely distract you. Yesterday I had Christmas films on the tv to distract me and they really lifted my spirits. 

Big hugs

scorpio. 

Oh what a shame today was so bad after having a bit of a break yesterday.  Don't get too despondent. 1mg will hopefully work for you - sometimes we just have to hold and do nothing. I learnt this the hard way!! I tell myself this everyday and it doesn't get any easier when in a wave.

 

I couldn't imagine having to look after a poorly and unhappy baby the way I feel now. I think you are amazing and I know you love him very much - colds and all! Good luck for tomorrow.

 

Will go on Amazon Kindle Store for the book. We can't buy Brit books here so I would be lost without my kindle.  A friend has bought me a box set of DVD's so will start on them tomorrow if I don't feel better.

 

I will carry on with the Seretide for now. If I start to get cramps in my feet  when I am in a window I will have another think about it. 

 

I hope we both wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow.

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

 

P.S.

 

Hello Bubble! Walking through an Autumn Forest with all those colours must have been wonderful. Something I miss living here.  Glad you are feeling better. xxxxFlowers 

 

 

 

 

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers 

how are you today, have you still got the physical symptoms or have you been able to get out. I know how much you depend on your walks and gardens.  I hope they have eased for you and the dreaded anxiety. 

Did you manage to find the book, I love my kindle so convenient and I read all the time especially when housebound due to w/d. I am taking your word for it that my anxiety will improve god I hope so. Started at 5 this morning but probably because I knew Jude was being dropped off at 8.30. He’s been a poppet and loved having him but blimey they where you out. Done dinner legs up and chilling with my iPad. Eastenders is droning on in the background.  What box set did you get, anything exciting. I pick him at 12 tomorrow from the dreaded nursery so at least I get the morning to catch up. 

Last week I had really painful left jaw which disappeared at the weekend today my teeth don’t feel as though they fit. Especially a root canal one. These symptoms are all so weird. Something different every week but at least they go fingers crossed but the biggest and longest lasting is this horrible anxiety. 

Love

scorpio 

[Flowers]

1 hour ago, Scorpio said:

Hi flowers 

how are you today, have you still got the physical symptoms or have you been able to get out. I know how much you depend on your walks and gardens.  I hope they have eased for you and the dreaded anxiety. 

Did you manage to find the book, I love my kindle so convenient and I read all the time especially when housebound due to w/d. I am taking your word for it that my anxiety will improve god I hope so. Started at 5 this morning but probably because I knew Jude was being dropped off at 8.30. He’s been a poppet and loved having him but blimey they where you out. Done dinner legs up and chilling with my iPad. Eastenders is droning on in the background.  What box set did you get, anything exciting. I pick him at 12 tomorrow from the dreaded nursery so at least I get the morning to catch up. 

Last week I had really painful left jaw which disappeared at the weekend today my teeth don’t feel as though they fit. Especially a root canal one. These symptoms are all so weird. Something different every week but at least they go fingers crossed but the biggest and longest lasting is this horrible anxiety. 

Love

scorpio 

Hi Scorpio - thanks for asking after me.

 

My morning started a bit like yours - waking abruptly at 6am with my heart banging and internal shaking again!Feeling hot and sweaty and anxious. I managed to get up eventually as had  to get into town to get my hair cut which I usually enjoy and find relaxing but today I just wanted it to be over.  Then we went to a property we look after and I could barely get up the steps I was so weak and exhausted. So, I had to give in and come home and rest again. I will continue to rest as much as possible in the hope that it brings a nice window back.

 

I found the book and it is now on my Kindle.  I think I saw it might be a film as well?  I am looking forward to reading their adventures on the Pacific coast.

 

Glad that Jude was feeling better today but  I still think you are amazing having the energy to look after him all those hours. Maybe you will get a better sleep tonight and not wake so early.

 

The DVD set was a gift from a friend so I don't really know much about it. It's called Outlander and is a time travel thing from what I can make out. I probably wouldn't choose it myself but will give it a go. 

 

Do you think you have been grinding your teeth in your sleep or clenching your jaw with the anxiety? It might explain some of the jaw and teeth problems you are having. There is always something isn't there? 

 

Anxiety is so awful. It controls everything if you let it. I am trying to do some mindfulness but it is hard. The body relaxation exercises I can do and I think they might help slow down my mind and body a bit.

 

Hope you have a good nights sleep and a better morning tomorrow.

 

Hugs from Flowers xxx

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

you are doing the right thing by giving in and resting. You have been through the waves so often you know what your body needs and how to treat it. Be kind to yourself 

‘I woke up with the not wanting to get up feeling again today which I hate and anxiety raging again. Today is much harder to bear it along with the nausea making an unwelcome return. I feel rubbish but had to collect Jude from nursery at  12. One unhappy little boy until we rescued him and now one crabby little boy who won’t eat and is very demanding. That’s all I need, just got him off for a nap so hopefully half an hours respite. I do get so frightened when I feel like this which I know is another side effect but it is so difficult. Should I updose, stop taking anything or keep going all rumbling around my head. 

I think the tooth pain is another nerve ending side effect they seem to be affecting me badly. First in delicate area, then legs, then left jaw last week now teeth on the right side more than the left. Tony said he hasn’t heard me grinding so don’t think it’s that. 

Havent watched outlander hope you enjoy it. 

I hope you are having a better day, you deserve a good long window now. 

Love

scorpio

[Flowers]

3 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hi flowers

you are doing the right thing by giving in and resting. You have been through the waves so often you know what your body needs and how to treat it. Be kind to yourself 

‘I woke up with the not wanting to get up feeling again today which I hate and anxiety raging again. Today is much harder to bear it along with the nausea making an unwelcome return. I feel rubbish but had to collect Jude from nursery at  12. One unhappy little boy until we rescued him and now one crabby little boy who won’t eat and is very demanding. That’s all I need, just got him off for a nap so hopefully half an hours respite. I do get so frightened when I feel like this which I know is another side effect but it is so difficult. Should I updose, stop taking anything or keep going all rumbling around my head. 

I think the tooth pain is another nerve ending side effect they seem to be affecting me badly. First in delicate area, then legs, then left jaw last week now teeth on the right side more than the left. Tony said he hasn’t heard me grinding so don’t think it’s that. 

Havent watched outlander hope you enjoy it. 

I hope you are having a better day, you deserve a good long window now. 

Love

scorpio

Hello Scorpio

 

Oh Dear - sorry you have had another rough day. I don't know about you but I can tell what the day is going to be like by how I wake up. If I wake early with the cortisol spike, heart palps and inner trembling, I know I am going to have a bad day. Nausea and anxiety I go through too so I sympathise. 

 

Poor little Jude doesn't seem like he likes nursery? I don't know how long he has been going but I suppose sometimes it takes a while to settle them in. It is all new to them so they are probably scared. Doesn't help you though if you are having a bad day.  Hope you are going to put your feet up tonight and relax. 

 

Try not to be scared -  easy to say but I think it may  just make things worse. I think it is only natural to feel that we should do something to feel better  but sometimes it is better just to wait it out. Have you spoken to Bubble or any of the other mods for advice recently?  When was the last time you felt a tiny bit of improvement? I think you said that your Dr had given you some other meds. Was that this year? 

 

 

 

Are you still getting a bit of relief in the evenings? Mornings seem to be worse for some people - me included!  If you can enjoy a bit of TV in the evenings that might help.

 

 

 

Nerve pain is probably what is going on with your teeth. I had it around my ribs and back a few times and thought I had shingles. It was so painful. I was able to use aloe vera gel which was very soothing but you can't put that in your mouth!

 

I didn't wake until it was daylight today with no heart banging either. I had a few minutes of feeling normal until all the usual stuff kicked in!!Nausea, shaking etc. I did get up today and got dressed and managed some food. I went out in the car with my husband for a drive just now to watch the sunset at a different bay to ours.  I also had to feed some cats we look after and they had been waiting all day for me. It gets dark around 6pm now and then gets quite chilly but we still haven't had to put any heating on yet. 

 

Just keep going and putting one foot in front of the other. You are doing a great job of getting through these horrible days. 

 

I am just off to have some Heinz tomato soup for my supper. Usually make my own as the tomatoes here are so cheap and tasty.  I am really looking forward to some out of a tin!

 

Take care Scorpio - hope you have a better day tomorrow and wake up with less anxiety.

 

Lots of love and hugs 

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

oh well done on getting food down your throat during the day and then Heinz tomato soup - the best comfort food. Enjoy it.  Good you had a nice drive and a sunset double bonus. I bet those cats can’t wait for you to turn up now it’s getting colder. You are so lucky not having the heating on yet,  today isn’t as cold as yesterday but that grey, dreary damp cold I’m sure you remember it well.

Do you know I don’t know why I complain, there’s you with trembling, sweats, and palpitations plus anxiety and nausea and I’m acting like a frightened three year old again.  The mornings are always the worst for me unless really bad days and it just continues on all day and yes the evenings tend to be better, I can watch tv haphazardly and sit on my iPad playing mindless games. The last few weeks on occasion can even look through magazines which I haven’t been able to do for ages. I know compared to a lot of people on here I’m suffering with far less nasty symptoms but I find the anxiety so hard and debilitating.  I think I’m just going to stick with the 1mg I really don’t think that updosing will help me. Four and a half months who knows what the repercussions could be by going up in dose. 

Jude was really grumpy the whole afternoon hard work but he hasn’t really had fit and healthy days each time he is due to attend nursery so that hasn’t helped him. Tomorrow he’s supposed to be there all day but imagine his mum will collect him at 2.  She will ring the nursery at 12 and they will advise her if he’s coping or whether she should cut the day short which is what happened last week. He was just going down with a horrible cold and is now just getting over it. 

I agree I think it’s nerve pain causing a lot of my strange pains. My teeth were easier thus morning then kicked back in tonight. No rhyme or reason for any of it,,

Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day for both of us. Remember to keep resting so that you will be much better for a good long window for coming home at the end if the month. 

Love

scorpio. 

 

[Flowers]

9 minutes ago, Scorpio said:

Hi flowers

oh well done on getting food down your throat during the day and then Heinz tomato soup - the best comfort food. Enjoy it.  Good you had a nice drive and a sunset double bonus. I bet those cats can’t wait for you to turn up now it’s getting colder. You are so lucky not having the heating on yet,  today isn’t as cold as yesterday but that grey, dreary damp cold I’m sure you remember it well.

Do you know I don’t know why I complain, there’s you with trembling, sweats, and palpitations plus anxiety and nausea and I’m acting like a frightened three year old again.  The mornings are always the worst for me unless really bad days and it just continues on all day and yes the evenings tend to be better, I can watch tv haphazardly and sit on my iPad playing mindless games. The last few weeks on occasion can even look through magazines which I haven’t been able to do for ages. I know compared to a lot of people on here I’m suffering with far less nasty symptoms but I find the anxiety so hard and debilitating.  I think I’m just going to stick with the 1mg I really don’t think that updosing will help me. Four and a half months who knows what the repercussions could be by going up in dose. 

Jude was really grumpy the whole afternoon hard work but he hasn’t really had fit and healthy days each time he is due to attend nursery so that hasn’t helped him. Tomorrow he’s supposed to be there all day but imagine his mum will collect him at 2.  She will ring the nursery at 12 and they will advise her if he’s coping or whether she should cut the day short which is what happened last week. He was just going down with a horrible cold and is now just getting over it. 

I agree I think it’s nerve pain causing a lot of my strange pains. My teeth were easier thus morning then kicked back in tonight. No rhyme or reason for any of it,,

Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day for both of us. Remember to keep resting so that you will be much better for a good long window for coming home at the end if the month. 

Love

scorpio. 

 

Well, I really enjoyed that soup!  

Yes, I have lots of symptoms but the mental ones like depression and anxiety are the worst to cope with. So much harder than the physical ones like nausea and trembling.  So, you have every right to complain as intense anxiety for most of the day is awful  and exhausting.

 

It  does seem like you are improved over how you were a few weeks ago which is so good to hear and you have now made the decision to carry on holding. 

 

Poor Jude - hopefully things will settle down at nursery once his cold has gone and he will be a happy little  bunny again. 

 

Am just going to watch a TV programme on celebrities trying cannabis in California for their ailments. Interesting but I am never going to try that!lol!

 

Love Flowers xxx

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

hope your wave is easing. I saw just now from your thread you are getting pgad, snap, another symptom I have had continuously until about 10 days ago and now intermittent thank god. 

Ive been flat on my back on the settee all day, now 10pm and only just able to turn on iPad. All the same anxiety, nausea, tinnitus and my body in complete exhaustion. Not eating again, not the way to put on weight I know. 

I watched the same programme as you last night, watched last weeks episode too, interesting especially for the epilepsy victims. 

Love

scorpio

[Flowers]

19 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hi flowers

hope your wave is easing. I saw just now from your thread you are getting pgad, snap, another symptom I have had continuously until about 10 days ago and now intermittent thank god. 

Ive been flat on my back on the settee all day, now 10pm and only just able to turn on iPad. All the same anxiety, nausea, tinnitus and my body in complete exhaustion. Not eating again, not the way to put on weight I know. 

I watched the same programme as you last night, watched last weeks episode too, interesting especially for the epilepsy victims. 

Love

scorpio

Hi Scorpio

 

I just wanted to let you know I had replied over on my thread but have just read your post here.  I am sorry you are getting the PGAD too. Did you have any bladder symptoms with it? I am glad that it has eased off for you, it is so awful, the worst!  Do you get one symptom being replaced by another or are yours pretty much constant?

 

The nausea has disappeared for me but I don't have any appetite. Would you be able to try any of those high protein meals that come in a drink form? I can't remember what they are called in UK - is it Complan? 

 

I thought last nights programme was better than the first one. They really got down to giving info on how people were being helped. All food for thought in moving away from conventional treatment. 

 

I am thinking of you and hoping you get a bit more energy tomorrow. Are you doing anything this weekend?  I don't make plans in a wave so will just see how it goes. 

 

Love and hugs

 

Flowers xxx

[Scorpio]

Hi flowers

yes like you my symptoms change. The pgad and bowel cramping were what hit me first and seemed to go on for ages. Then would ease then as I went downhill they would be back. For the past couple of weeks I haven’t had it, thank god,  yes burning and tingling and an awareness all the time of feeling very uncomfortable. It’s a horrible symptom. The symptoms change all time at the moment. I woke to burning face, then hot flushes, nausea, anxiety, then later on today lots of head pains and those awful thoughts. 

Like you I haven’t been able to eat, yesterday I managed some dinner but today finding it impossible to get anything down. It’s those miserable thoughts that keep coming into my head which just makes it worse. 

I watched Monday nights episode and nearly didn’t bother last night but glad I did. I shall watch tonights as well but it seems there is research needed for epilepsy and ms etc. 

Praying tomorrow will be better for both of us. 

Love 

scorpio

[Flowers]

So sorry Scorpio.  You are really going  through some awful things.  Just remember the bad thoughts are not you - just your brain playing tricks on you.  I had them too a few months ago but they have gone. They will go for you too. 

 

Just try to relax and rest as much as you can.

 

Hope things ease so you can enjoy some of the evening.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

[Flowers]

Hi Scorpio

 

Thank you for visiting my thread and for your good wishes.  How are you doing? Any improvement since we last spoke? Are  you still sofa bound?

 

WD symptoms have eased a bit for me this past couple of days so  no nausea and exhaustion is better. Managed to eat a full English breakfast yesterday! but am having bladder problems - think I have a UTI. Can't get culture results from GP until Friday so will have to put up with the pain etc for a bit longer!

 

Have you been able to eat anything?  Maybe some tasty comfort food now it is colder?

 

Thinking of you.

 

Love from Flowers xxx