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ironmanDD: Situational or meds?


ironmanDD

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  • Moderator Emeritus
3 hours ago, ironmanDD said:

One thing I never mentioned before, and I'm noticing more and more, is I'm having slight problems reading.  I'll read a few words, then feel I need to stop and let my brain catch up before I continue reading.  I feel a bit slow to react to things like I'm not 100% focused.

 

Please see:

 

Brain Fog: Blank mind, comprehension, cognitive and memory problems

 

That thread deals mainly with antidepressant withdrawal, but benzo withdrawal also affect cognitive functioning. 

 

 

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Hey Shep, its been a busy few days..

As of today (Aug 11): 15 days without Ativan, close to 10 weeks off Citalopram.

 

I've been able to sleep no problem, usually 8 hours straight, which is nice!  The anxiety is usually mild, once in a while it becomes moderate.  The tingling is still there, but I'm learning to not notice it as much.  I try to get in the gym 4-5 times a week, go rollerblading, hang with friends to try and preoccupy my mind, but the indecisiveness of my marriage is constantly front and centre.

 

My biggest concern is the constant feeling in my head.  As mentioned before, it's a constant head pressure, mild hangover type feeling, its constantly there, and I just cant get into the moment of anything.  Everyone's telling me its all the stress, and the constant over thinking, worrying, and uncertainty of my future causing my head to feel this way.  Maybe mixed with normal reactions of divorce (Panic, fears of uknown, anxiety)

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, Ironmann.

 

Thanks for the update. The improvements in sleep sound really good and speaks to healing.

 

The head pressure is very common during withdrawal, so hopefully that will fade out with time. Some of it could be situational stress, but your ability to go to sleep and stay asleep is a very good sign, regardless of what is causing the pressure. 

 

Do you feel overall that you are healing? 

 

 

 

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Thanks for the reassurance.  Honestly, at this point it's very hard to tell if what I'm feeling is leftovers from the meds, situational anxiety, or just natural reactions to divorce, as I'm taking it quite hard.  I notice I panic to some degree, especially when first waking up.  I wake up in the morning feeling like it's the end of the world, fearing age, death, growing old etc., and subsides a bit throughout the day... but the overall feeling of worry, panic, weird feeling in my head, and most importantly a sense of detachment is constantly there.  I just can't get into the moment of anything, regardless what I'm doing, and I have no desire to do anything (possibly depression).  I question my existence, my past, my future... sounds crazy, but it's the weirdest thing, and very unsettling. 

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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11 minutes ago, ironmanDD said:

Thanks for the reassurance.  Honestly, at this point it's very hard to tell if what I'm feeling is leftovers from the meds, situational anxiety, or just natural reactions to divorce, as I'm taking it quite hard.  I notice I panic to some degree, especially when first waking up.  I wake up in the morning feeling like it's the end of the world, fearing age, death, growing old etc., and subsides a bit throughout the day... but the overall feeling of worry, panic, weird feeling in my head, and most importantly a sense of detachment is constantly there.  I just can't get into the moment of anything, regardless what I'm doing, and I have no desire to do anything (possibly depression).  I question my existence, my past, my future... sounds crazy, but it's the weirdest thing, and very unsettling. 

Dig deep into your soul you deserve peace never believe you don't and it will come .

Don't forget to be compassionate to yourself first in this process .be kind to your heart .

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
14 hours ago, ironmanDD said:

 I notice I panic to some degree, especially when first waking up.  I wake up in the morning feeling like it's the end of the world, fearing age, death, growing old etc., and subsides a bit throughout the day...

 

This is a VERY common pattern in psychiatric drug withdrawal. Please see:

 

Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

 

Try to have a healthy, high protein / low sugar breakfast soon after waking. That can help with some of the anxiety symptoms. 

 

Hopefully, as you heal from withdrawal, this intense panic will lessen. 

 

14 hours ago, ironmanDD said:

 I question my existence, my past, my future... sounds crazy, but it's the weirdest thing, and very unsettling. 

 

You may be getting hit with some neuro-emotions. Please see:

 

Neuro-emotions

 

I hope you find some of the ideas and non-drug coping techniques in these threads helpful. 

Edited by Shep
fixed link

 

 

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Had a rough sleep last night, went to bed at 11, woke up at 430.. then in and out for a few more hours... woke up with a headache, detachment feeling as usual... Today is actually our wedding anniversary, still currently separated.. maybe it's possible that spiked the anxiety a bit.

 

I just want a ballpark timeline to know when I will feel100% myself again.  To be 100% in the moment... Somebody throw something at me.  3 months? 1 year? They rest of my life?  So frustrating

 

It looks like we are going through with the divorce, and selling the house, which absolutely breaks my heart... I literally feel like my life is over at 37.   I won't pass judgement until I see how I feel once that stress off my shoulders.

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

That kind of stress will make you feel worse, in my experience stress intensifies withdrawal to an almost unbearable level. I say almost because even when we think we can't bear any more, we do. We keep breathing and keep putting one foot in front of the other. When the divorce is over you can start to get your life back together, one tiny bit at a time. When the stress has gone you will feel a lot better. Not healed but better than this. No one can put a ball park figure on withdrawal, your body will heal in its own time. Some are faster than others and it is impossible to tell who is going to be longest and who is going to be better soonest. I've seen people here in a terrible state and thought they were going to be like it for a very long time but they started to pick up and got on with life. Others have looked like they might be ones to get better quickly and haven't. There are a lot of variables. Are you still taking ativan? 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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2 hours ago, ironmanDD said:

Had a rough sleep last night, went to bed at 11, woke up at 430.. then in and out for a few more hours... woke up with a headache, detachment feeling as usual... Today is actually our wedding anniversary, still currently separated.. maybe it's possible that spiked the anxiety a bit.

 

I just want a ballpark timeline to know when I will feel100% myself again.  To be 100% in the moment... Somebody throw something at me.  3 months? 1 year? They rest of my life?  So frustrating

 

It looks like we are going through with the divorce, and selling the house, which absolutely breaks my heart... I literally feel like my life is over at 37.   I won't pass judgement until I see how I feel once that stress off my shoulders.

 

I'm very sorry to hear you are feeling a lot of anxiety. I do think the stress from your relationship is causing a spike in anxiety.  Just try to take things day by day, and don't worry about the future.  Your life is not over.  It is very difficult dealing with a break-up and my heart goes out to you.   But, keep in mind that there are so many women out there looking for a life partner, a husband who is caring and sensitive -- and you sound like that kind of person.  So, while it seems to you right now that everything is over, it is very possible the best is yet to come.   

200 Zoloft; 10 mg Zyprexa; 4 mg valium as of May 2021;  Valium taper: July 16: 3.5 valium; July 30: 3 mg (paused valium taper); Aug. 23: 2.5 mg
Zyprexa: July 26: 8.75 mg; Aug. 9: 7.5 mg; Aug. 30: 7.1 mg

-------
Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg

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Haven't had any Ativan in 19 days.

 

Had a Dr appt today to fill out paperwork for being off work.  Once again, she completely denied the way I'm feeling has anything to do with either Celexa or Ativan.  It's ALL anxiety she says.  She also was ticked off that I read stuff online lol

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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3 minutes ago, ironmanDD said:

Haven't had any Ativan in 19 days.

 

Had a Dr appt today to fill out paperwork for being off work.  Once again, she completely denied the way I'm feeling has anything to do with either Celexa or Ativan.  It's ALL anxiety she says.  She also was ticked off that I read stuff online lol

I'm thinking of a t-shirt with iatrogenic written on it:D if I ever go back to mine and he's actually more open minded ,she needs the wake up call ,the medical model days are numbered .

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
17 minutes ago, ironmanDD said:

Haven't had any Ativan in 19 days.

 

Had a Dr appt today to fill out paperwork for being off work.  Once again, she completely denied the way I'm feeling has anything to do with either Celexa or Ativan.  It's ALL anxiety she says.  She also was ticked off that I read stuff online lol

 

They don't like us knowing more that they do about something. It reminds me of when people were labelled heretics for reading the bible because the clergy of the time didn't want people to know about their lies. Nowadays we are labelled mentally ill for using google and finding out the lies about big pharma! 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Hey Shep,

 

Well, its been 27 days without using Ativan.  I don't want to jinx myself, but it feels I am almost back to feeling like myself.  I wouldn't say 100%, but definitely better.

 

I started taking a high quality omega 3 fish oil around 2 weeks ago, which I take everyday.  I've noticed reading isn't a struggle anymore, the head pressure is mostly gone, the tingling is almost gone, and the sense of detachment/fearful thoughts are also mostly gone.

 

Looking back on this experience, its almost as if I went through "phases" of symptoms until reaching this point.  Very weird.

I distinctly remember the feeling of detachment and fearful thoughts hitting me out of nowhere one day, which lasted for almost 7 weeks.

Then, there was one night, again out of nowhere, I couldn't sleep more than 2 hours, and again lasted for 3 or 4 days.

Then, I was able to get back seeping 8 hours no problem for a good week or two.  But still felt detachment, fearful thoughts..

Then, about a week ago, I noticed I was having trouble sleeping again, falling asleep and waking up every 2 hours like clock work, lots of nightmares, and also waking up extremely agitated, very tingly and emotional..  And this lasted for about a week

 

As of now, I'm still getting broken sleep... but each night is improving slightly.  I'm not waking up as tingly or fearful like before, and it seems like the head pressure and detachment feeling suddenly got better.  I still get anxiety from mild to moderate, and tingly in the legs here and there, but that could all be due to the situation I'm in.  Like I said, I don't think I'm 100% yet, but better for sure.

 

It almost feels as if I'm just dealing with situational anxiety again, the same way I felt back in March/April before starting any meds.  Which still sucks, and has to be dealt with head on.

 

Praying, this is the end of this ride, and things continue getting better.  If things change I will definitely update progress.

Thanks again, for all the help and advice, much appreciated

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Great update Dave, you will get there and I am so glad you are improving. There could be some more waves but they will settle into ripples before becoming clear again. I have to remind myself of that when I get a wave :)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for that thorough update and letting us know how you're doing and what is helping you. 

 

We don't get a lot of periodic benzo users with less than a year's use, so your account is important. 

 

I hope the improvements continue. 

 

 

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Just as I said I was feeling better for a good 3 or 4 days... Yesterday and today have been bad again.  Fearful thoughts, tingling, and bit of detachment.

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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It's been 5 days of non stop panicky feeling, and fearful thoughts about aging, dying, being alone etc... 

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for asking..

It’s going on 2 months without any Ativan, and almost 4 months without Citalopram.  Its been a lot of the same old every single day without any signs of letting up.  I still get very panicky and a fearful sense of feeling all day everyday, and still tingling mostly in my legs..

I still go to the gym 4-5 days a week, I try to get out and do things, nothing seems to help.. My wife and I are still living without certainty of the future, and I still can’t stop thinking about how she betrayed me.  I’m actually wondering if it’s possible I’m suffering from some sort of PTSD.. all I know is, every day is a struggle.. This is no way to live and I’m getting to a tipping point where I can’t take it anymore..

 

 

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, Ironman.

 

I'm sorry things still aren't settling down for you. From your signature:  "fearful thoughts regarding future, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)" - this symptom sounds like depersonalization. This is very common with AD withdrawal and especially with benzo withdrawal. Sometimes reading about a symptom can make it a bit easier to handle:

 

Derealization / depersonalization

 

2 months off Ativan and 4 months off Citalopram is still early on, so it doesn't surprise me that you're still having some symptoms. Of course, all compounded with a very difficult relationship issue that would understandably be difficult for anyone, withdrawal or not. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I honestly cant handle living like this anymore!  Everyday I wake up in extreme panic.  I feel panicky throughout most of the day, as well as the fearful thought and tingling.

 

Would it be wise to take Ativan to see if it helps the panicky feelings?  Will this feeling ever go away?  Will I need meds forever because this hasn't been letting up at all?

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, Ironman.

 

Reinstating Ativan after more than 3 months off is extremely risky.  The best time to reinstate is within the first 2 - 4 weeks. Please see this article:

 

Notes on Reinstating (benzos)

 

You had posted about this early morning panic a few weeks ago. Please see my response in this previous post:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15411-ironmandd-situational-or-meds/?do=findComment&comment=299629

 

How long does the early morning panic last? Do you feel better as the day goes on (and your cortisol lowers)? 

 

 

 

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The severe panic lasts a few hours after waking up.  It subsides gradually throughout the day.. sometimes less, sometimes stays the same.  But overall the sense of panic and fear is constant all day.  Just weird fears, I don't even know what I'm fearing. Any thought or image that pops into my head, I get panicky, I cant even describe it.  I also fear being alone, fear of letting go of my marriage, fear never being happy with somebody again, and I've been ruminating with these thoughts for 8 months.  These may all be normal reactions of divorce I'm confusing with effects of the meds?  I don't know...  The head pressure and tingling in my legs is always constant as well.  Feels like theres a 1 pound weight constantly putting pressure on the top/back of my brain.

 

I had an assessment through the mental health department at the hospital.  They asked a ton of questions, and she said its possible I had a bad reaction the the meds.  She also believes I may have a mild case of GAD, and suggests everything I'm feeling is all situational.  She recommends I do CBT therapy.

 

I have a further appointment with a psychiatrist next week.  I'm just afraid their only solution for me to ever feel normal again is more meds.  I NEVER needed meds before, and now 4 months out, still feeling like this every single day, I'm extremely worried I did damage to myself by taking those meds in the first place.

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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Ironman, benzo withdrawal can last for quite awhile. I'm glad your mental health department said that it's possible it was a bad reaction to the meds. But it wasn't just a reaction - it's withdrawal. The fear is something that everyone going through withdrawal can relate to, but it will get better.

 

Fear, terror, panic, and anxiety

 

 

If you haven't already read this, it's a great description of how this works:

 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

Please work on the non-drug coping skills. If you find CBT to be helpful, that's great. Some people find mindfulness to be very effective. And there are many other things to try. 

 

But in time, you will feel better. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I saw a psychiatrist yesterday.  He said what I'm feeling could be one of two things.  Either a reaction to the citalopram, or the original anxiety worsening.  He said withdrawal would have only lasted a few weeks given the amount and time I was on it.  He wants to put me on clonazepam short term, while I go through CBT therapy, and see how I feel after that.  If it takes a while to get into therapy, he wants to put me on zoloft.

 

I honestly don't even know how I feel about this.  I never needed meds before, and all of the sudden I need it and thats how it all starts..  I'm worried about getting stuck on them long term, or having lasting effects when its time to come off.  Any advice is greatly appreciated

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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I am sorry you are suffering, ironman. I am confused why your psychiatrist would want to prescribe another SSRI if he actually was open to the idea that you had a reaction to citalopram - that seems strange.

 

I was prescribed Cymbalta many years ago for a situation that triggered depression and anxiety (I think I was prone to depression before this and had had difficulty dealing with stress as well).  Now years later, I have tried several times to get off of ADs but have not been successful.  I have also been taking Klonopin now for several years which scares me.  I feel very stuck and hopeless being on these medications. I guess I am telling you all of this to try to do everything else you can do not to go onto medication, especially as it sounds like you had a bad reaction to citalopram.  You are doing a great job by coming here and asking questions, researching.  This is something I really wish I had done before I took any medication. I may have still ended up on medication....who knows.....but I think what I needed at the time was a lot of support and love.  I also think I should have listened to what my body was telling me, that this was a stressful time and to have really tried other means to heal.  Again, maybe I would have still ended up on meds but at least I would have known that I tried everything else first.  I just don't want you to be stuck like me.  

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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Also, I wanted to add that I think for me these medications have reduced my ability to handle stress, ironically.  

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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Hey Shep,

You suspect it’s benzo withdrawals I’m going through... if so, am I just supposed to suffer every day until things hopefully get better one day?  It’s been over 4 months without Ativan or citalopram, and I’ve been suffering every single day.... I’ve tried some of the techniques and what not... nothing helps

 

My doctor wants to put me on clonazepam, then maybe Zoloft...but I’m scared to death of meds now... what do you advise?

January 2017 - Prescribed Ativan 1mg as needed

May 5 - Started Citalopram 10mg, continued for 6 days

May 11 - Upped dose to 20mg

May 15 - Severe side effects (Major brain zap, increased anxiety, confusion, memory loss, fearful about future, suicidal thoughts)

May 24 - Side effects unbearable, asked GP to take me off

May 25 - Weened down to 10mg for 4 days

May 29 - Completely stopped Citalopram

May 30 - June 26 (Severe withdrawal symptoms similar to side effects when starting) Also took Ativan 1mg as needed since stopping Citalopram (Usually 1mg every other day)

June 26 - Stopped taking Ativan (Had insomnia, panic, screaming noises in head for 3 days)

Oct 3 - No Citalopram for 16 weeks. No Ativan for 12 weeks.  Still feel panicky, fearful thoughts, and a sense of detachment? (I just don't feel like myself)  Every day, all day long.

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16 hours ago, ironmanDD said:

I’ve tried some of the techniques and what not... nothing helps

 

 

Hi, Ironman.  From my own experience and that of watching many people come off these drugs, withdrawal can last months and for a certain unknown number of people, it can stretch out for several years. Considering you haven't been on these drugs as long as many on this forum works to your advantage and hopefully you won't be in the latter category. But the way the non-drug techniques help is over the process of bringing them into a daily part of your life. They no longer are techniques at that point but are your new lifestyle. 

 

You learn to breathe through anxiety, to distract and cope through insomnia, to work with your diet to help with GI distress, etc. 

 

And you also need to give yourself time to heal from your divorce. All of this takes time and it's important to find ways of self-soothing to get you through this part of the journey. And it is just a part of a much longer journey. You will get better, from the situation as well as from withdrawal. But, not right away. 

 

 

16 hours ago, ironmanDD said:

My doctor wants to put me on clonazepam, then maybe Zoloft...but I’m scared to death of meds now... what do you advise?

 

As the old saying goes, "If all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail." When you go to a doctor who can prescribe drugs, likely, that's what they will advise.

 

Coming off these drugs is very hard but if that's what you want to do, I wouldn't advise going back on them. In the long run, they are not an answer. If you haven't already, you may want to read Robert Whitaker's book:

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America

 

And also consider the poor long-term outcomes of antidepressants:

 

Now Antidepressant-Induced Chronic Depression Has a Name: Tardive Dysphoria

 

 

Considering your experience with Citalopram was an adverse reaction, I would be very hesitant to go near another SSRI. And if you do add in clonazepam, it may or may not work as a reinstatement for Ativan. Because benzos cause kindling (possible more so than other types of psych drugs), you are setting yourself up for a worse withdrawal when the time comes to come off it. 

 

My advice would be to work with a therapist who can't prescribe drugs if you feel that talking and learning CBT or mindfulness or other techniques would help. But mainly, to give your nervous system time to heal so you can sort out the situational symptoms from the chemical, drug-induced symptoms. In withdrawal timelines, unfortunately, 4 months is not long. But that doesn't mean you won't go onto heal, as these members (many of them long-term users) have testified to:

 

Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal

 

 

 

Edited by Shep

 

 

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