ASkyFullOfHappy: PGAD from Paxil?

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. 

 

Im 19, hoping to one day become a doctor, but right now that seems impossible. 

 

I have always been very bad with medicine, i forget to take them, or i just don't care enough to take them. 

 

In my junior year of high-school 2015, I had a suicide attempt which put me 2 weeks in the hospital and on prozac, I don't remember the dose. I stopped taking it cold turkey after one week it made me feel fake happy, I felt like I was faking everything. 

 

Then I finally got myself a good psychologist,  and a " meh" psychiatrist which led me down a road of several antidepressants, , most of the time I just took the medicine for 2 days to a week, and then stopped cold turkey. I would fake symptoms and tell my psychiatrist I was doing fine on them when in reality I was not taking any of them. I did his with  Cymbalta, Effexor, and Douloxetine, I think thats what its called. 

 

Then I was put on pristiq, again, it made me fake happy, so I stopped after a month, I never had bad side effects from quitting, just starting them was what made me have all sorts of shaking and vomiting etc. 

 

This summer, I had another breakdown, turns out I have OCD, well i was put on Paxil, surprisingly I had no side effects coming into it. It was great I was feeling better. I took it for a week and a half or maybe 2 and then i started forgetting to take it. After a week or so of not taking it I started to feel aroused all the time. like the slightest touch or sexual thing would make me want to "have some fun" with myself. 

It was weird. I felt very odd about it because for like the past month I had been anything but sexual, I was actually very afraid of sex. and the medication had made me numb down there. 

Then i started getting tingles in my lady parts, they felt inside me, and I was also peeing a lot which made the tingles kinda hurt. So I took a UTI test..... I have a UTI.... but I would get weird throbbing and tingling inside me as well, and in my lower back and in my anus, it was very odd. I searched up what it could be and PGAD came up, I read all the suicide stories and people that had it for years with no relief I was so worried I would soon start having uncontrollable orgasms. 

 

I began to check and hyperfocus on my lady parts.

 

I started taking Paxil again, 4 days later it was gone but I was left so worried it would come back, i became hyper aware of my lady bits. for 3 days I was okay.... then i started feeling aroused, I was scared, i didn't know whether it was PGAD or me being me. I cant orgasm at all. then some tingling by my clitoris after I peed sometimes. sometimes its slight twinges inside me, or feeling "stimulated" when i cross my legs even loud noises make me twinge down there....Its not as bad as when I was "withdrawing" but still Im so scared it will come back one day. 

 

Anyway . Im stuck. Do I get off the meds? what if the PGAD comes back? I really don't know what to do.  

 

Im starting university again in a week and Im so scared.  

 

 

 

[mammaP]

 

Hi Asky, welcome to SA. I saw in another post that you wanted to be a psychiatrist, we need psychiatrists who know the dangers of these drugs!  You could help to change things for future generations.  

 

Now that you are back on 30mg of paxil you need to just stick with it for a while to stabilise. If you can stop obsessing about PSSD and PGAD you will recover faster. Your body will heal itself but it will be in it's own time. You can help things along by taking good care of yourself. Eat as healthily as you can, exercise and enough rest.  I am pleased that the symptoms have started to get better. Hopefully it will not be too long before you are back to normal.  I hope the psychologist is helping you to deal with the issues that led you to this point. It would be amazing if counselling were the first thing offered instead of drugs.   Sadly all the drugs you have been orescribed have been messing with your brain chemistry at a critical time in your life and this has caught up. Your brain and nervous system are struggling to gain normality. Your brain is still developing and is growing around the drugs. You need to take the paxil every single day. When you have been stable for a while, you can start a slow taper off.  You do not need to take it for the rest of your life but you do need to look at ways of dealing with problems so that you can avoid the drugs once you are off them. You need to show your psychiatrist that you are capable and can manage your health and wellbeing so that you are not hospitalised again. Every yime they try you on a new drug there are side effects. They can make people suicidal, homicidal, paranoid, and when they are stopped, withdrawal kicks in which is as bad or worse. All these things lead to more drugs and hospitals when the drugs are responsible for a lot of it in the first place! 

 

Here are some links to topics that will help you to understand. You HAVE to take control and take the paxil regularly, and taper carefully so that you can function while back you study. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can become the doctor you want to be eventually. 

 

Tapering paxil 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/405-tips-for-tapering-off-paxil-paroxetine/

 

Rhi, one of our moderators explains beautifully how the drugs make changes and why we must taper. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6447-best-of-sa/?do=findComment&comment=91582

 

 

 

[miT]

Hey sky,

 

Paxil isn't an easy drug to wean off, so take note of the moderator advice.

You're so young that I consider it practically impossible not to recover from this.

Be aware that it's a healing process, not a race. You'll be on drugs in college. I was too. The most important thing is that you are functionable.

 

I see you have already connected with CathyFrench who can relate to PGAD.

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

2 hours ago, mammaP said:

 

Hi Asky, welcome to SA. I saw in another post that you wanted to be a psychiatrist, we need psychiatrists who know the dangers of these drugs!  You could help to change things for future generations.  

 

Now that you are back on 30mg of paxil you need to just stick with it for a while to stabilise. If you can stop obsessing about PSSD and PGAD you will recover faster. Your body will heal itself but it will be in it's own time. You can help things along by taking good care of yourself. Eat as healthily as you can, exercise and enough rest.  I am pleased that the symptoms have started to get better. Hopefully it will not be too long before you are back to normal.  I hope the psychologist is helping you to deal with the issues that led you to this point. It would be amazing if counselling were the first thing offered instead of drugs.   Sadly all the drugs you have been orescribed have been messing with your brain chemistry at a critical time in your life and this has caught up. Your brain and nervous system are struggling to gain normality. Your brain is still developing and is growing around the drugs. You need to take the paxil every single day. When you have been stable for a while, you can start a slow taper off.  You do not need to take it for the rest of your life but you do need to look at ways of dealing with problems so that you can avoid the drugs once you are off them. You need to show your psychiatrist that you are capable and can manage your health and wellbeing so that you are not hospitalised again. Every yime they try you on a new drug there are side effects. They can make people suicidal, homicidal, paranoid, and when they are stopped, withdrawal kicks in which is as bad or worse. All these things lead to more drugs and hospitals when the drugs are responsible for a lot of it in the first place! 

 

Here are some links to topics that will help you to understand. You HAVE to take control and take the paxil regularly, and taper carefully so that you can function while back you study. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can become the doctor you want to be eventually. 

 

Tapering paxil 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/405-tips-for-tapering-off-paxil-paroxetine/

 

Rhi, one of our moderators explains beautifully how the drugs make changes and why we must taper. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6447-best-of-sa/?do=findComment&comment=91582

 

 

 

Hi! Thank you so much! Support helps so much you have no idea! 

 

Maybe ill give the psychiatrist job a chance, you are so right, I could really make a change for someone else  

 

Plus from stalking around here for some time I've learned so so much about rare withdrawal symptoms, and the dangers of quick withdraw. Hopefully if I do go towards psychiatry I can do slower tapers, and take my patients seriously, as well as trying other non medicinal treatments before just handing out pills like candy.

 

Thanks for the advise, Ill stick with the Paxil for now! I know my doctor wants me to go to a 40mg dose.... not sure if I should do that.... or maybe ill take the offer and then split pills till I feel good on 30 Paxil and then slowly increase? Im not sure what to do about that...I will be sure to talk to my doctor about all this

 

Do you think I should also take the pill at the same time each day as well? sometimes I have problem with that.

 

Im also taking sleep pills (Over the Counter , I can give you the name and dosage if you'd like!)

 

I will try to cope with my obsessive thoughts as well! you're right, obsessing wont help (especially since my OCD tends to revolve around disease... and I can even give myself symptoms sometimes if I think about it too much!) Its definitely, much better, sometimes with some twinges, and flare ups, but much better, I just wish I could feel normal again... its almost like this bad experience has given me PTSD... Im so paranoid of it coming back sometimes, but as you said Im gonna keep a positive attitude and, well try and take care of myself more

 

Thanks for all the hope! I will be sure to keep all you guys updated  

 

 

 

 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

16 minutes ago, miT said:

Hey sky,

 

Paxil isn't an easy drug to wean off, so take note of the moderator advice.

You're so young that I consider it practically impossible not to recover from this.

Be aware that it's a healing process, not a race. You'll be on drugs in college. I was too. The most important thing is that you are functionable.

 

I see you have already connected with CathyFrench who can relate to PGAD.

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

 

 

Thanks for the welcome!

 

I will be sure to take their advise! Thank you for the hope! I ry to look at it that way... sometimes I feel since Im so young it means ill be stuck like this for longer... but Ill try and look at the glass half full!

 

For sure, Ill be patient, if theres one time to be patient about something I think this time is it. so ill try and take it day by day trying to live life as normally as possible. 

 

Thank you for all the hope and advise!

 

[mammaP]

8 hours ago, ASkyFullOfHappy said:

Thanks for the advise, Ill stick with the Paxil for now! I know my doctor wants me to go to a 40mg dose.... not sure if I should do that.... or maybe ill take the offer and then split pills till I feel good on 30 Paxil and then slowly increase? Im not sure what to do about that...I will be sure to talk to my doctor about all this

 

Do you think I should also take the pill at the same time each day as well? sometimes I have problem with that.

 

Im also taking sleep pills (Over the Counter , I can give you the name and dosage if you'd like!)

 

I would absolutely NOT go to 40mg, that could make you worse, you are doing well on 30 for now, and it's less to taper later. 

It is important to take them at the same time every day. It can be hard to get into that routine so think of something you do at the same time every day and make taking your pills part of that routuine. It would be best not to take them at bedtime though, they can be activating and keep you awake.  A friend had her son attach his pills to his toothbrush because he ALWAYS cleaned his teeth before school! My daughter makes coffee every morning as soon as she wakes, she puts her pills in the coffee tin. I eat dinner at the same time every day so take them then. You get the picture?  

I suffered with PGAD many years ago, it was when I was in hospital and didn't understand it at all. I wish I knew about it then, it was very scary but it did pass. 

Yes we need the name and dose of the sleeping pills, it will be good if you add them to your signature. 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

12 hours ago, mammaP said:

I would absolutely NOT go to 40mg, that could make you worse, you are doing well on 30 for now, and it's less to taper later. 

It is important to take them at the same time every day. It can be hard to get into that routine so think of something you do at the same time every day and make taking your pills part of that routuine. It would be best not to take them at bedtime though, they can be activating and keep you awake.  A friend had her son attach his pills to his toothbrush because he ALWAYS cleaned his teeth before school! My daughter makes coffee every morning as soon as she wakes, she puts her pills in the coffee tin. I eat dinner at the same time every day so take them then. You get the picture?  

I suffered with PGAD many years ago, it was when I was in hospital and didn't understand it at all. I wish I knew about it then, it was very scary but it did pass. 

Yes we need the name and dose of the sleeping pills, it will be good if you add them to your signature. 

 

 

 

Okay! for now I will put the name here and then change the signature. 

 

Im thinking about Taking the Paxil every day from now on at 10am. thats usually when I go to college so If i put it in my purse Ill remember.  

The sleeping pills Im taking is called. "Unisom Sleep Gels" Diphenhydramine HCL I take 200mg a night (yeah.... I have a lot of trouble sleeping... I should probably... not take that much...) 

 

Today I have some itchy feelings in my lady parts... that might be just my underwear... it doesn't feel arousing just very mildly itchy.  (EDIT: the itchiness went away! I think it might just be... normal itchiness... ah I panic so much about down there.....Im working on it!)

 

It gets worse when I look for it like when Im sitting there checking (OCD I know ) for how I feel down there... Im sure if all of us did that we would all feel stuff.

 

Ah.... staying positive though!

 

I see my general practitioner doctor tomorrow! He's super understanding... Im getting tested for a UTI... It came out positive for leukocytes when I took a home test so maybe that has something to do with the itchy feeling. 

 

Thanks for all the support mamaP and miT

 

[Hopefull]

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

You will be okay.  PGAD symptoms will eventually dissappear.  Did you have OCD prior to taking Antidepressants? 

 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

1 minute ago, Hopefull said:

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

You will be okay.  PGAD symptoms will eventually dissappear.  Did you have OCD prior to taking Antidepressants? 

 

Yes, Ive had OCD for all my life... it especially revolves around health (thinking Ive got cancer or something) 

 

Thank you for your support Hopefull  it really helps you have no idea

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone thought I would update, Last night I didn't take an sleeping aid, I had a lot of trouble getting sleep as the tingling started up again, I was still able to get sleep but it was hard... I also feel like I need to pee all the time but nothing is coming out... today Im getting checked for an UTI. 

 

Im feeling frustrated  

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Just Another update, today was super hard.... I have like the feeling I need to pee all the time as well as tingling sensations, its not arousing but it is very uncomfortable... I went to the doctors and apparently I don't have a UTI but my doctor prescribed me the Antibiotics anyway since I did test positive a while ago. 

 

I hope this is just a wave, and soon it will get better, sometimes its so hard. 

 

I would like to ask if anyone has any idea when to start tapering? should I wait till my next window? Or till I see the doctor? my fear is that the doctor will start me on a fast taper and Ill run out of pills.... I hope all this goes away soon, I start college up again soon and I would hate to always be feeling like this... I wish I could have my life back  

[Hopefull]

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

You will not be like this all your life.

Are you still taking Paxil? Or are you taking something else?

You should ask the moderators what is the best course of action for you. 

But if you are experiencing PGAD symptoms, you definitely don't need to increase the dose. It is obviously causing you discomfort.  When you reinstated Paxil did you experience any relief from PGAD symptoms? 

If you are still struggling with this,  I don't see how continuing to take an SSRI is going to help you? 

You started to experience PGAD symptoms,  after stopping Paxil,  but from what I can understand,  you reinstated 30mg of Paxil and it has not helped to ease the symptoms. 

I had constant urge to pee, tingling and pain. I personally would quit taking it, because it is not helping you and you still have PGAD symptoms.  Speak with the moderators,  but PGAD symptoms can be agrrivated by drugs and suppliments,  I experienced this first hand. I did not tolerate Mitrazapine in high doses and Seroquel and at the beginning,  it flared my PGAD symptoms.  So I had to reduce Mitrazapine and quit Seroquel.  My psychiatrist thought that Seroquel would help ease PGAD symptoms,  but it did not.  It just made me feel like a zombie. That is why you need to be extra careful about the drugs that you are taking,  so that you allow your brain to heal.  We are all different,  but I started to slowly heal once I stopped trying different supplements, etc.

You are still young and you will heal faster than me, but you need to be careful and let your nervous system heal naturally.

Best wishes,  Hopefull.  

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

10 hours ago, Hopefull said:

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

You will not be like this all your life.

Are you still taking Paxil? Or are you taking something else?

You should ask the moderators what is the best course of action for you. 

But if you are experiencing PGAD symptoms, you definitely don't need to increase the dose. It is obviously causing you discomfort.  When you reinstated Paxil did you experience any relief from PGAD symptoms? 

If you are still struggling with this,  I don't see how continuing to take an SSRI is going to help you? 

You started to experience PGAD symptoms,  after stopping Paxil,  but from what I can understand,  you reinstated 30mg of Paxil and it has not helped to ease the symptoms. 

I had constant urge to pee, tingling and pain. I personally would quit taking it, because it is not helping you and you still have PGAD symptoms.  Speak with the moderators,  but PGAD symptoms can be agrrivated by drugs and suppliments,  I experienced this first hand. I did not tolerate Mitrazapine in high doses and Seroquel and at the beginning,  it flared my PGAD symptoms.  So I had to reduce Mitrazapine and quit Seroquel.  My psychiatrist thought that Seroquel would help ease PGAD symptoms,  but it did not.  It just made me feel like a zombie. That is why you need to be extra careful about the drugs that you are taking,  so that you allow your brain to heal.  We are all different,  but I started to slowly heal once I stopped trying different supplements, etc.

You are still young and you will heal faster than me, but you need to be careful and let your nervous system heal naturally.

Best wishes,  Hopefull.  

 

Hi Hopefull thank you for your response! Im not sure how to... "call" the mods so I can get a withdrawing plan. When I reinstated the Paxil 30 mg the symptoms did get better by a lot, while before my lady bits would constantly tingle and throb, when I reinstated, the symptoms almost went completely away... they only seem to flare once in a while... I also seem to have an UTI... even though the test at the doctors said negative... I took another one at another clinic and it said positive... so I got some antibiotics for that right now.

Hopefully they don't flare up symptoms for me. 

 

The tingling and bladder pressure from yesterday eventually went away... I feel like that might not have been PGAD since it was more like my lower belly felt very full...

 

 

But yeah, I want to start getting off Paxil... not sure how to do that though.. I hope one of the mods can help me, because I have never tapered I have always quit cold turkey with no side effects... this is the first time Ive ever had side effects. Hopefully my past drug use wont screw me over. 

 

I hope I can heal soon.

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Also as a side note, if any Mods could help me with this... my Paxil pills are the type that have like little powder inside... will I need to split the pills and weigh them? not sure how to do that... Or do i go to liquid Paxil? I dunno sorry Im so new to this

 

[miT]

The apothecary does this for me. I give them a doctor prescription for say 3.4mg and they make it for me.

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

2 hours ago, miT said:

The apothecary does this for me. I give them a doctor prescription for say 3.4mg and they make it for me.

 

Ah, I wish mine did that, mine does not do that unfortunately. 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone Im here for my nightly update. I still hope I can get a mod to help me figure how and when to start the tapering Im still very confused about it. 

 

Today was pretty good, I felt pretty aroused tonight and that did cause me a lot of panic. Im so afraid to feel that way because Im afraid it will get "stuck" like that again, the wave passed pretty fast but it was very hard. Its hard for me not to obsess about what is going on down there. 

 

I hate feeling this way. I want to taper off these medications as soon as possible so I can start maybe healing.

 

Thanks for all the support everyone. Its getting hard but Im hanging in there

 

[mammaP]

You need to hold the dose at 30mg for at least 6 weeks before you think about tapering. This will let your brain adjust after being on then off again. It would be best with liquid if you have capsules. You can get paxil liquid on prescription for easier tapering. 

You might find this from Kittygiggles helpful, it is about health anxiety. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/5997-health-anxiety-hypochondria-and-obsession-with-symptoms/?do=findComment&comment=286570

 

 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

7 hours ago, mammaP said:

You need to hold the dose at 30mg for at least 6 weeks before you think about tapering. This will let your brain adjust after being on then off again. It would be best with liquid if you have capsules. You can get paxil liquid on prescription for easier tapering. 

You might find this from Kittygiggles helpful, it is about health anxiety. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/5997-health-anxiety-hypochondria-and-obsession-with-symptoms/?do=findComment&comment=286570

 

 

To be completely honest, I don't think I can take 6 more weeks of this. It seems that it just gets worse and worse for me on this Paxil, Im listening to my body and my body is saying enough is enough. 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone, just journaling for tonight, Today was hard, it seems the PGAD has been getting worse, I feel a lot of arousal by my clitoris, Its not bad bad, but it is distracting and quite exasperating. Im still taking the Paxil. Im so lost about what to do. Every day it seems it gets worse. Maybe Im just going though a wave. Its seems like my waves and windows are lasting days right now. One day ill have a good day, the next it will get worse. 

 

I decided to take a semester off of college for right now. I hope Im making the right choice. I hope I can heal soon. 

 

I really don't want it to get worse I read it can be progressive. I don't want to end up disabled.

 

 

If anyone has any support I would really appreciate it. 

[Hopefull]

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

Consider MamaP's suggetion. You did mention that your PGAD symptoms subsided once you reinstated 30mg of Paxil. Stay on Paxil for another 6 weeks. 

Document your symptoms on daily basis and if by six weeks your PGAD symptoms become worse ,  then you should consider getting off Paxil. 

There is no point staying on Paxil if it is making it worse. If your symptoms improve, consider a slow tapper. 

 

That is what I would do. You have taken other Antidepressants in the past and it has probably made you sensitive to Antidepressants. 

Please note that I am not an expert,  but after I had a bad reaction to Zoloft, I had no choice but to stop taking it and I had to endure the WDS for a long time. 

At the end of the day,  it is your choice and only you know your body the best. 

I really don't want to give you the wrong advice or make things worse for you

Best wishes,  Hopefull. 

 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

6 hours ago, Hopefull said:

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

Consider MamaP's suggetion. You did mention that your PGAD symptoms subsided once you reinstated 30mg of Paxil. Stay on Paxil for another 6 weeks. 

Document your symptoms on daily basis and if by six weeks your PGAD symptoms become worse ,  then you should consider getting off Paxil. 

There is no point staying on Paxil if it is making it worse. If your symptoms improve, consider a slow tapper. 

 

That is what I would do. You have taken other Antidepressants in the past and it has probably made you sensitive to Antidepressants. 

Please note that I am not an expert,  but after I had a bad reaction to Zoloft, I had no choice but to stop taking it and I had to endure the WDS for a long time. 

At the end of the day,  it is your choice and only you know your body the best. 

I really don't want to give you the wrong advice or make things worse for you

Best wishes,  Hopefull. 

 

 

You're right Hopeful and mamaP. Ill hold the dose then... I count this as my first week on Paxil 30mg. Im gonna try and get a refill for me soon because I don't want to run out of them for now. I do still have some fears of arousal, and any feeling down there. Today was much better. no tingling, or anything, peeing normally, its only when I get nervous that the feelings come back...

 

Ill update weekly, all my symptoms of that week each day, I'll also update if theres any worsening (hopefully not)

 

Thank you everyone for your help, Im so sorry for being impatient. 

[Hopefull]

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

You are not being impatient.  It is absolutely understanding that you are feeling anxious about the whole situation.  The nervous PGAD symptoms I used to get that too. When I felt stressed it felt like PGAD symptoms were about to flare up.

That is a sign that your nervous system is still hypersensitive.  It does eventually go away.  I don't get it anymore.  But I used to get it,  especially at the beginning. 

It is so weird and distressing.  Once your nervous system settles down,  the symptoms ease.

As suggested on SA,keep your doses steady and take Paxil at the same time every day.  Start charting your symptoms and you will probably start seeing a pattern.  The fact that you are experiencing "windows ", no PGAD symptoms,  is an indication that you are healing.  Take Paxil for another 6 weeks. If you notice that your PGAD symptoms are worse than consider getting off it.

All the best to you.  Please don't worry,  everything works out in the end. 

Nothing lasts for ever.

Take care,  Hopefull.

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

9 minutes ago, Hopefull said:

Hi ASkyFullOfHappy,

 

You are not being impatient.  It is absolutely understanding that you are feeling anxious about the whole situation.  The nervous PGAD symptoms I used to get that too. When I felt stressed it felt like PGAD symptoms were about to flare up.

That is a sign that your nervous system is still hypersensitive.  It does eventually go away.  I don't get it anymore.  But I used to get it,  especially at the beginning. 

It is so weird and distressing.  Once your nervous system settles down,  the symptoms ease.

As suggested on SA,keep your doses steady and take Paxil at the same time every day.  Start charting your symptoms and you will probably start seeing a pattern.  The fact that you are experiencing "windows ", no PGAD symptoms,  is an indication that you are healing.  Take Paxil for another 6 weeks. If you notice that your PGAD symptoms are worse than consider getting off it.

All the best to you.  Please don't worry,  everything works out in the end. 

Nothing lasts for ever.

Take care,  Hopefull.

Thanks so much this made my entire day! 

Im doing well today, I noticed that I too when I focus or begin to get stressed I start focusing on my lady parts and the PGAD "feeling" seems to kinda be there... However when Im very stressed (panic attack mode) or I am distracted I don't feel anything down there. 

 

I have started to notice a bit of a pattern, mornings and afternoons are usually pretty good and at night the symptoms do flare up. I was able to face my fear of arousal today by purposefully making myself aroused, and "taking care of business" it was very scary at first but eventually the fear settled.  and now I feel more open about arousal, with all this fear and paranoia I was in a headspace where arousal = danger! PGAD! so now that I did that I kinda reminded myself that arousal in a normal thing that actually happens to humans. I didi however get immense pain/ burning in my head and neck and my body when I climaxed, which I guess thats Paxil. I do have a bit of a headache now. I don't regret it though, I did not want to feed my OCD, and let my sex life become a problem. Sorry if Im a bit too open about this..

 

I do sometimes get scared since I read that PGAD is supposed to get worse and the "windows" are supposed to get shorter and shorter that by 6 months theres no rest in between. That did scare me but, I feel like from what Ive seen around here thats not the case. 

 

Im taking more care of my body lately, eating healthy and getting enough water!

Also taking my Paxil! 

 

Staying positive for now, watching videos about the international space station, weightlessness and 0 gravity never ceases to amaze me, I recommend those videos to anyone looking for a good distraction! 

 

I hope you're healing well Hopefull I cannot express how thankful I am for your responses

 

[Hopefull]

You are most welcome ASkyFullOfHappy.  Take care,  Hopefull.

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone hope everybody is doing okay! Ive been doing pretty good so far, the tingles come and go, they usually start up at night.. 

My sleep schedule has been messed up as I have not taken my sleeping pills, which means I slept though the total eclipse!

And I actually live where I would have gotten to see full totality which really does stink.. oh welll

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone I have not updated for a while but I want to tel everyone know Im doing pretty good! I just finished my 2nd week on Paxil 30mg, 4 more to go before I start taper, I think my symptoms have been doing better, Im still afraid of arousal sometimes, and sometimes I get so scared that me feeling aroused means my PGAD will be back or is getting worse. But Im just kind of dealing with that.

 

Im in a window right now everything seems to be okay for now! Sometimes I do start to get tingles, but when I go to bed it goes away pretty quick, or if it does not it stays for a couple days but its very very mild. All in all I think maybe Im healing? or maybe just stabilizing. Patience does so much good, I hope everyone that has been following my topic is doing good!

 

I wish healing to all!

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi Everyone. Im not doing so good. I don't know wether its my OCD and fear, or actual symptoms but it seems the slightest thought or thing can get me aroused. Not super aroused but enough that its like, noticeable, like I get turned on, maybe not physically but mentally if that makes sense. It makes me nervous. I havent had much tingling, only here and there, but it seems more like it's in my head. Im feeling crazy, I know Im prone to giving myself symptoms and sometimes its so hard to know what is a real feeling and what is not. This fear of PGAD is debilitating. 

 

Wrapping up this third week (halfway there!) I feel just, crazy, scared. Scared that I will be stuck being paranoid. Also since the bad tingling started with me doing a dumb cold turkey Im afraid that when I taper it will come back.  I hope not.

 

I also stopped taking the sleeping pills a week or so ago, I don't remember when exactly, so maybe that has something to do with my symptoms? Hopefully in these upcoming 3 weeks (or maybe more?) I can get better. 

 

Hopefully someone can help.... thank you all.

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Im feeling very suicidal. While things are much better then when I first had symptoms, Im constantly afraid of arousal, it feels like Im normal but not quite there yet. 

Its so subtle, but it happens all the time, if I distract myself it goes away, but it always comes back to my head.

 

I read on the PGAD website that it will get progressively worse in 6 months, until it does not stop. I feel I could not live like that. Im still taking Paxil but I feel like Im not healing. I just want to end my life at the moment.

[miT]

You need to be mindful. You are afraid of arousals like I am afraid of anxiety attacks. Being afraid of something that's not there only makes things worse and it's because we choose to feed it with thought.

 

Be mindful. Stop resisting. Stop feeding your negative thoughts.

This is a big one, but we all have to face this during withdrawal.

Your arousal / my anxiety will come back. Let it in, feel it, let it leave.

Releasing the resistance is freedom. I do this day in day out.

See, you're not alone

Be aware. Change.

[Martina23]

3 hours ago, ASkyFullOfHappy said:

Im feeling very suicidal. While things are much better then when I first had symptoms, Im constantly afraid of arousal, it feels like Im normal but not quite there yet. 

Its so subtle, but it happens all the time, if I distract myself it goes away, but it always comes back to my head.

 

I read on the PGAD website that it will get progressively worse in 6 months, until it does not stop. I feel I could not live like that. Im still taking Paxil but I feel like Im not healing. I just want to end my life at the moment.

Please dont read PGAD website! There are so many scary things there which dont even have to apply to you! It doesnt have to be that in 6 months your PGAD is worse. Mine wasnt. It doesnt have to be like everywhere written that you would have 100 orgasms a day. I had none and was scared like you when I was reading internet and PGAD websites. I bet that your PGAD will stay as it is and one day it will disappear. Please you have to see it more rational (more from distance), you will see, everything will be ok, just dont scare yourself.

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

On 9/12/2017 at 10:42 AM, miT said:

You need to be mindful. You are afraid of arousals like I am afraid of anxiety attacks. Being afraid of something that's not there only makes things worse and it's because we choose to feed it with thought.

 

Be mindful. Stop resisting. Stop feeding your negative thoughts.

This is a big one, but we all have to face this during withdrawal.

Your arousal / my anxiety will come back. Let it in, feel it, let it leave.

Releasing the resistance is freedom. I do this day in day out.

See, you're not alone

Be aware. Change.

Hey miT  thank you for this... it really made things just so much better. You're definitely right.. its always on my mind, checking of Im aroused or not, checking the sensations in my genitals constantly... its maddening. I think its just creating a self fulfilling prophecy. 

 

Thank you, Im still not withdrawing, 2 to 3 weeks till that, but Im getting impatient and its so hard sometimes. 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

On 9/12/2017 at 1:42 PM, Martina23 said:

Please dont read PGAD website! There are so many scary things there which dont even have to apply to you! It doesnt have to be that in 6 months your PGAD is worse. Mine wasnt. It doesnt have to be like everywhere written that you would have 100 orgasms a day. I had none and was scared like you when I was reading internet and PGAD websites. I bet that your PGAD will stay as it is and one day it will disappear. Please you have to see it more rational (more from distance), you will see, everything will be ok, just dont scare yourself.

 

Thanks so much Martina I hope you are recovering, this helped me so much. You're right I should not scare myself. 

Thank you I hope you're healing. 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Hi everyone, Im just doing an update, I want to thank everyone who commented with such positivity. Its so hard not to obsess. My OCD seems to be coming back stronger sometimes. I realize I must stop obsessing about my arousal and genitalia. Its become almost like a ritual for me, constantly asking myself if Im aroused, and mentally checking all the feelings I have in my lady parts at all times. I think ill work his out with my CBT therapist when I see her. 

 

Yesterday was a lot better for me. This is my 4th week on Paxil so, 2 more weeks before I start tapering! 

Im excited and a bit scared. 

 

Im sorry for the scare everyone. Im just so, not picky. I want to feel perfect and when Im not perfect, I feel I can't do anything. 

 

I read a lot that PGAD never goes away or it just gets worse and worse. But I have seen that, well thats not the case for everyone. Hopefully for me its just my body tiered of the SSRI. I hope hope hope that when Im off this thing everything will settle. 

 

Thank You everyone. 

[ASkyFullOfHappy]

Also, Im a bit scared... I took some trazadone around the time that I was on Paxil. It was rescribed to me as sleeping pills and we would go up and down with the dose all the time, one day I would take no pills, the next I would take like 3. It was bad, but I was never told it could cause something... I know it causes priapism in men and Im windering if maybe the Trazadone was what cause my PGAD, and Paxil... is keeping it at bay. I know when I stopped Paxil (and around the same time as well Trazadone)  the PGAD came and when I started it again the PGAD stopped....

 

Im wondering if its still possible to heal, when I get off the paxil now... r did I permanently screw myself up with the trazadone? 

[Hopefull]

Hi Askyfullofhappy,

You will heal. You need to let time do the healing. You will be okay. 

Tapper slowly and you will be triumphant at the end. 

Take care,  Hopefull.