Boysmommy2: Barely treading water

[Boysmommy2]

Well thank you for your reply. I did ask a few questions without any replies Thats why I wasn't sure if I was posting correctly or if I was the only one who could see it. Anyways thank you for being there and I hope you are in a sunshiney window at the moment🌞

[ChessieCat]

To help the mods and members out, some/many who experience cog fog at various times (I know I do and so do other mods) and therefore can have difficulty reading a dense passage of text, I suggest that if you have a specific question that you put is on a separate line, and you could do what I did and start it with Q: so that it stands out from the rest of the post.

[Boysmommy2]

Great suggestion!

[Boysmommy2]

Q---Has anyones insomnia/sleep issues resolved? Or do they last forever?😳😳😳😳

[baroquep]

Hi Boysmommy2, not sure if anyone has provided these links or not but thought I'd include them just in case.

Tips to help sleep - so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia.

Withdrawal Insomnia Success

Sleep Hypnosis, Guided Meditations, Calming Videos

[Boysmommy2]

Thank you😀

[AliG]

I have really struggled with W/D insomnia and have found that it seems to come and go in a windows and waves pattern, just like other symptoms tend to do. The first 18 mths - 2 yrs : I barely slept but I did often doze for an hour or so during the day -  that is how I got through it and remained relatively sane. This varied though and some weeks I would actually manage to get 3-4 hrs sleep, a few nights a week on average.

 

I had some major improvement from Yr 2 - 3 and thought I was completely over it, sleeping fully through the night, most nights of the week. After the flu this year, I had a recurrence of total insomnia but it is slowly starting to shift back to a normal sleeping pattern yet again, however I'm sure that I will still go through brief periods of recurring insomnia before It finally settles and the most troublesome symptom of my W/D is finally gone.

 

This isn't about me but I just wanted to give you an idea of the possible pattern that sleep can take during withdrawal. It fluctuates.

 

I have found Melatonin helpful at times ( low dose) but have had some trouble with full strength Valerian which I tried again over the last 4- 6 mths. I have largely tapered off and am now on a mix of : Valerian, Hops, Chamomile & Passionflower.

 

Please read the links above for some helpful hints. I do believe this resolves but it takes some navigation to get through it. It definitely doesn't last forever. It just takes time.

[Boysmommy2]

Thank you for your response! Its just so frustrating and I know I'm being a big whiner after reading so many others threads (yours included) I usually fall asleep between8-9 and sleep until 2-3 so that's really a lot compared to others. But its not my normal so I guess that's why is drives me crazy, I think it gives me the early morning anxiety because when I wake up no anxiety but then I lay there and try to sleep and cant so then the anxiety comes. I have to get up at 5 for work so I usually just lay quietly and rest and it goes away but man I just want to be able to sleep when I want! See that was whiny lol. Oh well I know it won't kill me so I just got to deal with that. Other than the anxiety coming and going somewhat early in the day sleep problems are my biggest pain. My gut problems seem to be improving I don't have a stomachache all day anymore. The doctor gave me vistaril at some point for sleep but I never took it (too chicken) lol. I just stare at it longingly every night😝 thanks again for the advise AliG and Baroquep have a good day!

[Quest]

Hi boysmommy2, I wish you well on your sleep.  I so get the not sleeping thing, it is a hard one~

[Boysmommy2]

Thank you! Just so frustrating when all you want to do is sleep and my mind says no I think I'll race around for a few more hours ugggg! 

[Boysmommy2]

Hope everyone is doing well and I wanted to say hi. I'm not feeling terrible lately just not quite myself yet. I can see glimpses of myself though little bits everyday and it makes me happy😍 Its so amazing literally every single thing I read and learned on this site was 100% spot on! The window and waves is so right I feel mostly Windows now very few waves and I feel able to get myself through the stupid waves now. I hope those feeling badly still hang in there and follow all the advice on here it's honestly the only thing that got me through the 18 weeks of withdrawal. And I know I'm not 100% and maybe ill never be but I feel like I'm stronger? I don't know if that makes sense but that's how I feel lol. Thank you all for posting💗

[MollyN]

What a delightful update to read! I'm so pleased you're able to read your pattern and hang on through the waves. Keep adding to your toolkit of 'stuff that helps when a wave threatens to swamp me' and all the very best xxxmollyn

[Boysmommy2]

Thank you Molly! 

[Boysmommy2]

Having a long bumpy wave these last few days I swear I think I jinx myself😳. Not feeling well and just real shaky and dropsy. Lol literally drop everything I try to pick up my poor phone has hit the floor so many times. My pulse just races a lot during the day and makes me worry because all my original anxiety started from a period of hyperthyroidism. My blood work was all normal in May but maybe it's time for another check.

Question-during a wave can you have all different symptoms? I feel different like I wasn't feeling too badly then boom new anxiety. I just get nervous this will all start over and I'll have to go back on medication😓

[Littlegrandma]

Hi B

havent talked to you in a long time. I see you hit a wave a few weeks ago. I hoped it has passed by now. You were doing so well. 

 

Im still in the throes of wd but chugging along.

 

just wanted to say hi and see how you are. 🤞🏻Hope all is ok.   xxlg

[Boysmommy2]

Hi!! I'm glad to hear from you! I'm doing okay not feeling the best this weekend but I seem to feel worse when I'm off work for a few days in a row I don't know why? I used to love my days off but now I get anxiety so crazy. Other than that not terrible I still get most of my troubles with my anxiety and my gut. Stomach pains are the worst! How are you feeling? I hope you're doing well and looking forward to the holidays. Please keep in touch ❤

[Boysmommy2]

Question;  I am almost 5 months off celexa and I have been doing okay with the usual windows and waves. This last week have had alot of anxiety and more insomnia.  Now I can't fall asleep which I never had a problem with that just staying asleep and alot of stomachaches. My question is is this prolonged withdrawal or is it still plain withdrawal? I was on celexa approximately 2 yrs but this is taking forever I'm so disheartened😡 any help?

[Littlegrandma]

Hey B

i can’t answer that as I’m not that far. Sorry you’re going through it. 

 

Ive always struggled with insomnia. That was the main reason to go on lexapro. Dumb doctor. It’s so activating. Made it worse. 

I’m taking Ativan which I’ll have to taper after the lexapro, so I do fall asleep pretty easy. But I wake often. And then the cortisol anxiety rush hits anywhere from 2 am to 4. The anxiety stays most of the day but lessens usually in the evening. The worse the anxiety, the worse the gut pain. 

 

Im a zombie everyday. Live in a fog. I don’t know how you manage to work. I used to pick up my grandkids on the days I babysit. Now I have my daughter bring them to me. I’ve become quite agoraphobic. I can get out on mild anxiety days but mostly housebound.  With my anxiety I get flu symptoms, headaches, burning skin so it’s hard to drag myself out.  

 

B, I hope the insomnia is resolved soon. It sucks. Hard to heal without sleep, let alone function daily. You’ve come a long way though. I’m happy for you. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road that will smooth out shortly. 

 

Hugs❤️ Lg

[Boysmommy2]

I hope so too LG! Just woke up for work slept pretty good hopefully just a blip the last few days of insomnia. How have you been doing? I forget are you still tapering or done? This is such an awful thing to fight through I question restarting celexa every single day...just want this anxiety to stop ugggggg! Please keep posting and I hope your day is wonderful💞

[Littlegrandma]

Hey B

im on a 3 month hold of  5mg lex now. Came down too fast. And drs added Ativan because of my akathasia and anxiety. Now I’m doubly screwed. 

 

What does of celexa are are you on now? Are you on a long hold?

 

glad you slept better last night. I was up and down til 4. Do you wake with the cortisol spike? Oh, it sucks. 

Have a great day at work B. Seems to be the place that gives you a respite from the anxiety. That just proves to me that distraction is good for anxiety. But I can’t motivate myself most days to get up and out. Catch 22

 

hugs lg

[Boysmommy2]

Great to hear from you! Actually I'm off celexa since July 10 I tapered off 40mg over three or four weeks and I was on it approximately18months. I found this site after I had already screwed myself lol. Oh well now I'm paying the price. Yes work makes me feel normal and I do better when I have a routine and something I have to do. I'm hoping this crap lets up soon and stays gone, I really don't know how some of these people suffer for yrs! They are tough that's for sure😓 I'm always happy to hear from you, have a good night...or day lol not sure where you live😝

[Littlegrandma]

I’m in Illinois so we’re practically neighbors. 

 So you tapered way too fast. I guess you’re doing pretty good under the circumstances. I know you don’t see it that way. The fact that you can work amazes me. You’d have been gold with a slow taper. I guess me too. But I ended up with akathasia and added other drugs to the cocktail. I see years of tapering in my future. That terrifies me as I’ve had few and short windows in the last five months. But what’s done is done. Not sure how I’m going to handle it. 

 

My nephew is getting married in St Louis this weekend.and  my 5 yr old granddaughter is flower girl. My husband insists I’m going. Don’t know how I’m going to make the drive. The last few days have been some of the worse in 5 months. Hate the thought of being away from home, sick in a hotel room with a very large family party going on just floors below me. This sucks. 

 

On that note.....

have a good day B. Talk soon. Hugs lg

[Boysmommy2]

Oh I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly my friend💞I hate every bit of this crappy stuff! When I read your posts I feel like I have no reason to complain insomnia won't kill me (i hope) and I have no reason to whine when others are trying just to function😓. Maybe you can go to the wedding and just take breaks go back to your room and lay down, take baths and give yourself quiet time. When I'm feeling crappy I like to go to my bedroom shut the door, turn my fan on high and cover my head with my big fat comforter for a break. It seems to help. Maybe there will be a pool or spa you can sneak off to. Just try to enjoy your family but don't beat yourself up you need to take care of you first💕. Many hugs my friend💕

[Littlegrandma]

Thanks B

im actually feeling a bit better tonight. You just never know with this w/d.  Yesterday I was sure I’d never feel good again. Tonight, after dinner, a calm came over me. I felt agitated at kids bath time though. So after I got their pjs on, I stuck them with grandpa and I’m sitting in silence. Their dad doesn’t pick them up til 8. 

 

You sound like my GP. Insomnia won’t kill you. It’s horrible. That’s what led me to drugs every time. That’s where it might kill you. I hope your sleep issues are resolved. Especially having to get up and go to work. I’ve been living on 0 to 4 or 5 hrs for years. It’s awful. 

 

I have a glimmer of hope tonight. Maybe I will make it to the wedding. Hate to get my hopes up, only to be back to square 1 tomorrow. 

Thank you for your support, my friend. I love hearing from you.

🤞🏻Hope you sleep well tonight. 

Big hugs❤️

[RealMe]

Hi BoysMommy2,

I've read some of your posts, and I like your positive attitude.  I feel sure you will do well and heal from your AD experience never to return!  I spent almost the entire day on the computer, mostly this site.  I did work on Tuesday, and that was helpful.  I used to love to do stuff at home, but not since the withdrawal started back in August.  I just try to distract myself the best I can.  Hope you are having a good day.

[Boysmommy2]

Thank you realms! Today wasn't terrible just tiring not much sleep last night but going to bed now so hopefully fingers crossed☝I hope you felt some relief today and have a wonderful weekend🌞

[Boysmommy2]

LG I hope you are feeling better today? The wedding is this weekend right? I won't write anything too long but hope you get to go and enjoy yourself thouroughly🌞 talk to you soon💕

[Littlegrandma]

Hey B

The wedding was beautiful. I had a great time. It definitely distracted me from my symptoms and made me realize I need many more distractions in my life. Need to stop dwelling on this wd. 

 

Hope youre doing well.  Hugs

[Boysmommy2]

Hi LG!! I hope you are feeling better? I'm sorry I havent written I've been working so much overtime I barely have time to eatlol that's ok though I can afford to drop a few pounds😜 I hope you have had more good days thanbad? I try not to come on too much sometimes it makes me feel worse and lately I've been feeling well😀 I'm going to pop over to your page and check on you now my friend💕

[Littlegrandma]

Hey B

so happy to see you’re feeling well. That OT doesn’t let you think about the anxiety. 😉. 

 

I had one ok week. Not good but better. I was away and stress free. Now back to kids and life and anxiety has ramped up. We both had the same idea to be on forum less. It does cause my blood pressure to rise. But please drop in from time to time to let me know how you are. I think about you. 

So, so glad you’re feeling better!!!!

 

if we don’t touch base before......

have a very Merry Christmas. 🎄 

big hugs lg

[Boysmommy2]

Happy holidays my friend🎄📦🎅I hope you enjoyed your family time. I will stop back and visit more with you later. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you💕

[Littlegrandma]

Hey B

just wanted to say hi and to wish you a happy new year. 

 

Tapered a few days ago. Not doing well. But I hope you are still feeling good. 

 

xx lg

[Boysmommy2]

I'm sorry lg😰 I hope you're feeling a little better today? It sure is a long process...a long sh*tty process😡 I hope you had some good times throughout the holidaysthough. I'm glad they are over lol I love them but I always feel a little crazy like is it Tuesday is it Sunday am I off today do I work today ahhhhhh😬 lol. Its been so cold here I do as little as possible just work n home with a little grocery shopping thrown in so we don't die lol. Man I hate this weather I'll take 90s any day over this uggggg. My mom n I went to see Jumanji on Sunday really good movie totally kid friendly. Sundays are usually our movie day if I'm off work. This Sunday is the golden globes loveeeeeee them! Yes I'm feeling better I forgot to answer you sorry lol. Still have some days of anxiety and some nights of crappy sleep not sure I'll ever be normal pre-celexa but I'm still hoping. 6 months off on January10th so I guess it could still take awhile😋 please let me know how you are doing whenever you get a chance. Take care of yourself and don't over do it! And stay warmmmmmmmm lol

[Littlegrandma]

B you sound so good. You sound happy. And I’m happy for you. You’re on you’re way to healing and your old self. Awesome. There’s hope for all of us!!

 

Christmas  was not so good. I had a houseful and was pretty unwell that day. I couldn’t stop the tears so I had to keep escaping to my room for a short time out. So many people here though, so nobody really noticed. 

 

Hasnt it just been a horribly cold winter so far? Im assuming you’re temps are pretty comparable to here. -40 windchills. Today is freezing rain. Everything is covered in ice. I’ve been feeling trapped like a rat. 

 

Did you get out for movie today? 

It’s been awhile for me. Every time we go, I think 🤔 I should do this more often. Good cheap entertainment and a great escape. 

 

I seem to be settling down after my small taper last week. Anxiety has let up a bit. Fatigue has replaced it  along with the I just don’t give a damn feeling. But that’s easier to tolerate. Winter usually brings on the blues anyway. And just think. Only 4 more months til warm weather. Ha

 

glad you’re doing better,B. Hope your sleep continues to improve. You will be back to pre celexa. You’re doing great. Happy anniversary on the 10th.  

6 months!

WOW

congratulations!!💃🏻

Hugs Lg

 

[Littlegrandma]

Hey B

how are you doing? I hope things have continued to improve for you. I think of you periodically and hope you’re out living your drug free happy life and getting great sleep. 

 

[Boysmommy2]

Hello my friend!! How are you feeling? I hope better than last time we spoke. I thought of you yesterday so I jumped on to check and I got sidetracked reading people's success stories or should I say lack of success stories. Mine is definitely not a success yet Thats why I don't post in that topic. I feel normal 90% of the time then I'll have a bad few days where I'm really anxious and what I call all wound up lol. Then my sleep starts to suffer and the vicious circle spins😋. I think Easter brought this on I let myself get all worked up about hosting and cooking and everything has to be perfect and I know better!! So Easter morning I could feel the anxiety creeping in and its still hanging around a little sigh😏. It'll go soon it always does I keep a journal documenting when it comes and goes. I'm 9 months off the poison so it really does take time. Please don't let this dishearten you though because I feel 90% better than the day I joined this group it does come but takes its own sweet time unfortunately. I think of you often LG please please let me know how you are feeling. Hugs my friend💞