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Sunnyday

Especially ''triggered'' by one person, why?

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday

Hi. I'm having big problems (still) with neuro-emotions, among other things but I'd say this one is my biggest problem because of how it tends to interfere with my relationships.

 

I'm having the most difficult time with one specific person and I simply can't understand why I react so strongly to this person. I've been overreacting and overanalyze with most people during my withdrawal but with this person it's even worse. I've taken several ''breaks'' from friends (including this person) and tried to explain as best as I can why and they are understanding most of the time. But I feel like I have to take a break from this person until I'm completely recovered to not mess this relationship up and obviously that would pretty much mean ending the relationship. 

 

Does anyone else feel like this? That a certain person triggers you more than other people. The thing is also that it's not a destructive or toxic relationship at all. If it was I could maybe understand it more. I'm suspecting it has to do with the type of relationship it is, which is that it's slightly more than a friend at this point. So maybe a better question would be, do you feel more easily triggered by your partner/romantic interest than by other people? And how do you manage it.

 

Thank you in advance, and sorry for possibly rambling a bit.

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powerback   
powerback

Hi sunnyday welcome ,withdrawl is brutal ,our brains are scrambling for relief because of toxins .these emotions are a nightmare ,I live with them on a daily basis .the thing with you being triggered more maybe  because there in your space more wether   there  physicayl in your space or just thinking of them  .

Irritability is a huge problem in withdrawl .these are all too common in withdrawl .

the only person that has never annoyed me is my little niece ,actually a relief to play with her when I see her .

 

withdrawl bundles up the more unpleasant side to our characters multiplies it by a thousand and were left struggling to manage it .

 

you will have to get a handle on your mind and don't let it rip you apart .

your far from rambling ,you have a valid horrible situation .

Hope it gets better for you

PB 

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday

You're right, this person is on my mind a lot. I try to distance myself mentally but it's difficult. 

Personally the only ones who don't annoy me ever is my pets, which is nice. To have someone who doesn't make you feel anything negative. 

 

Thank you!

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

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powerback   
powerback

Your welcome sunnyday ,I never actually understood what human suffering was until withdrawal hit me .

Best of luck to you and treat yourself with loads of compassion .

PB

 

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday

I feel the same way. Never experienced anything like this. I suppose the positive thing about that is that it can only get better.

Thank you, and same to you!

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

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powerback   
powerback

have you checked out the relationship thread ,it could be helpful to you .

PB

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Bokart   
Bokart

Some people just get angry more easily. I certainly had times when I was more angry in general and got "triggered" very easily. Nothing you can do to a withdrawal symptom.

 

Anger is often very deep in our personality, so a change on how you view other people in general affects also anger. Also being opinion-oriented/relationship-oriented affects this (it's kind of a spectrum). Also tolerance to mistakes is involved, and that involves whether you form opinion of people by their actions/opinions/personality etc. And this is deeply related to how you judge yourself, as what you value in yourself, you use it to evaluate others.

 

For me I try to see people's actions and behaviour as a collection of their accumulated learning so far. If you understand the why, you can also see their reasoning perfectly. Done correctly, this helps bring empathy and lessen the anger. I got long way to go though, it's a lifelong journey.

 

Just don't feel bad about being angry, all reactions are true and tell important messages :) If it's a withdrawal symptom, let it be. If it's a part of you, learn from it: what specific behavior in others cause that reaction in you, why that reaction gets provoked in you. Answers are slow to get and require you to develop tools to inspect your reactions neutrally. I'd start with accepting your personality :) It is your own unique nature coupled with all the learning you have absorbed, and there's no judgement, because you had no choice in either of those things when they came to be. There's no blame.

 

All the best,

Bokart

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brassmonkey   
brassmonkey

Hi Sunnyday-- ADWD is such a whirlwind of emotions and lack there of, it's very hard to get a handle on.  Trying to maintain and develop relationships make it even worse.  Frequently there is an underlying Emotional Spiral involved with the situation.  Because you mention triggering, that makes me think that one is involved here.  Here is a link to an essay I wrote on the subject, many people have found it very helpful.

 

 
 
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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday
On 2017-08-27 at 2:11 PM, powerback said:

have you checked out the relationship thread ,it could be helpful to you .

PB

I have, but haven't specifically seen anything about being more angry/upset on one person, it seems more general for most people. But maybe I should look around there a bit more!

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday
On 2017-08-30 at 7:11 PM, Bokart said:

Some people just get angry more easily. I certainly had times when I was more angry in general and got "triggered" very easily. Nothing you can do to a withdrawal symptom ...

You say very good things that I think would be especially helpful to people that have ''true'' anger issues. For me I have no doubt that it's a withdrawal symptom (I even had a family member who got annoyed with me once because I ''would never get angry'' ). That's why this scares me a bit, because it's a very new feeling to me. Of course I've been angry before in life, but not so easily and not so uncontrollable. It's a scary feeling when you feel you have almost no control over it.

Thank you for your perspective and insight!

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday
On 2017-08-30 at 7:49 PM, brassmonkey said:

Hi Sunnyday-- ADWD is such a whirlwind of emotions and lack there of, it's very hard to get a handle on.  Trying to maintain and develop relationships make it even worse.  Frequently there is an underlying Emotional Spiral involved with the situation.  Because you mention triggering, that makes me think that one is involved here.  Here is a link to an essay I wrote on the subject, many people have found it very helpful.

 

 
 

I saved your text about emotional spirals a while ago because it makes me see things clearer when I get extremely angry or upset. I often go back to it (as well as the thread about neuro-emotions) when I need to calm down, because it gives me perspective and at the same time the feeling that someone actually understands. So thank you for that, it's invaluable.

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday

I feel like I'm about to ruin this relationship. Everything triggers me as soon as I try to socialize with this person, which results in me creating a bigger distance between us. I try to look at things rationally and I know already that what I get triggered by is ridiculous, but the feeling is just as strong anyways. I also feel like I'm going crazy when I try to push the feeling down (or ignore it).

I simply don't know how to solve it. The most probable thing right now looks like the relationship is just gonna ''dissolve''. I really don't want it to happen, and I suppose that's why it feels like I've already started to grieve over it. It probably sounds stupid. And it might be the neuro-emotions talking, but I still have a continuous anxiety over it when I don't see this person.

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Martina23   
Martina23

I have also one person which triggers me more than anyone else -it is my mother. I have always had a feeling that she never liked me at all. If there is some problem or someone hurts me, she always holds the side of the other person. And especially in relationships she tells me such horrible things -I think she wants that I have a low self-confidence.

 

I told myself already twenty times I will take it like this that I couldnt choose her and try to avoid her but somehow till now when she makes some comment, it hurts me still.

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday
21 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

I have also one person which triggers me more than anyone else -it is my mother. I have always had a feeling that she never liked me at all. If there is some problem or someone hurts me, she always holds the side of the other person. And especially in relationships she tells me such horrible things -I think she wants that I have a low self-confidence.

 

I told myself already twenty times I will take it like this that I couldnt choose her and try to avoid her but somehow till now when she makes some comment, it hurts me still.

I'm very sorry to hear that. I've had a relationship like that a few years ago (a very close relationship). I made the very difficult decision to cut ties completely with that person, because they destroyed me emotionally. My life became a lot easier after that.

I can understand you get triggered by a person like that, I would too, even in my ''normal'' state of mind.

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Bokart   
Bokart

My advice in this thread was wrong. I'm sorry. I don't really know about this.

 

I hope all of you get better,

Bokart

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powerback   
powerback
29 minutes ago, Bokart said:

My advice in this thread was wrong. I'm sorry. I don't really know about this.

 

I hope all of you get better,

Bokart

Hi bokart I hope your well , do you mind me asking why ,I read through your post and there is some truth to it if you ask me .not judging you just curious because I'm a believer in epi genetics and we absorb so much growing up of the surroundings and people around us .

PB

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Sunnyday   
Sunnyday
On 2017-09-08 at 11:37 AM, powerback said:

Hi bokart I hope your well , do you mind me asking why ,I read through your post and there is some truth to it if you ask me .not judging you just curious because I'm a believer in epi genetics and we absorb so much growing up of the surroundings and people around us .

PB

I agree, I thought Bokart made som good points.

 

Also, the only advice I have to give after making this my (temporary) solution is to take a break from that person or people in general if possible. To me it makes a huge difference. It takes away the constant pressure and the worry of ruining the relationship, and when I get back to them I don't feel as frustrated anymore but instead have some new energy. I just think I need to take these breaks more often.

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