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romichica07

romichica07: Started SSRI in college, shock I did not know what I got into

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romichica07

I am in shock and fear. I was 22 or 23 dont recall when i started my medication for a simple anxiety and depression disorder caused majority by hormonal imbalance and a birth control my GP gave me for acne related problems (not for sexual purpose at all). I went to to the psychiatrist in NYC, this is where the downfall for me began and I truly wish everyday of my life to have never went down that road. however i did and this is how my story started:

 

 

At age 14 I discovered porn online and became i would say addicted is a major thing to say. I was viewing porn daily and was having intense guilt to it. This led to my first panic attack which followed by depression for weeks. I was ignoring my feelings and emotions until i started college and this led to having anxious feelings and depression again. I simply had enough of my sensitive personality and anxious thoughts and went to check with a proffesional.

 

At age 18 i moved to new york city with my family which completely worsened my anxiety issues. I felt lonely, saddened, depressed and just isolated. I was not creating friedships and felt isolated which led to me going for medication to solve my problems. I experimented with few medicines until i was put of prozac. I took it for quite some time for 2-3 years and then came off for one year, i was challanged i had fears and was losing many jobs in nyc back and forth untill i gave in and started lexapro.

 

This is where i am now, during this medicated me i left my parents home, i would fight constantly, called the police on my mother i was a mess. I moved out and because i did not hold jobs i came right back to living with the family. As soon as they found out i took lexapro my family threw it in the garbage (they are from europe very traditional and dont accept medicine)

 

I am going threw intense withdrawl. They dont understand my symptoms. Nobody does bc the culture my family comes from is different. I am hoping time can heal me, however i feel addicted to these medications. Can someone help me and guide me please 

Edited by baroquep
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miT

Hey,

 

That’s a lot you’ve been through. Have you tried cognitive therapy to reveil where your thought patterns go wrong? I mean real therapy, not some psychiatrist writing a drug prescription. Me myself I’ve been in therapy for many years.

 

So unfortunate about your parents. I hope you have some close friends who are understanding. Here you will find many supporting you through your journey!

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Madeleine

Welcome to the forum.  So sorry to hear all you have gone through and are going through now.
When did you stop taking the lexapro? How long was it since you took the last dose? What dose were you on? Can you go to the doctor and get another prescription and taper off slowly?  This site recommends tapering 10% every month or a little quicker if you can tolerate it. 

 

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ChessieCat

Hi romichica, and welcome to SA,

 

So that we are better able to offer suggestions we need information about your history.

 

Please create a drug signature Create Your SignaturePhone Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

  • Please include details for the last 12-18 months of  all drugs, dates, doses and discontinuations & reinstatements.  If you can't remember dates, please write it as "early March" or "mid-August".
  • Please provide a summary of any drugs prior to that which can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please include all prescription, non-prescription drugs and supplements you are currently taking.
  • Please also remember to update it with date and dose whenever make a change so that it remains current. Thank you.

I'll give you some links to check out:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

These helped me to understand SA's recommendations:

 

Brain Remodelling


Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Sometimes reinstatement of the drug is suggested.  This will depend on when you last took Lexapro.  Once we have more information we will be able to discuss whether reinstatement might be an option.

 

This is your own Intro topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.  If you click "Follow" top right you will be notified when someone responds.

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romichica07
On 2017-05-30 at 4:52 PM, miT said:

Hey,

 

That’s a lot you’ve been through. Have you tried cognitive therapy to reveil where your thought patterns go wrong? I mean real therapy, not some psychiatrist writing a drug prescription. Me myself I’ve been in therapy for many years.

 

So unfortunate about your parents. I hope you have some close friends who are understanding. Here you will find many supporting you through your journey!

hi! 

Sorry for sure this is the right way to reply, I did make an appointment for therapy to start this week but it has been very very difficult to do anything under such intense emotions 

 

 

Edited by scallywag
moved post comments outside quote

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romichica07
On 2017-06-01 at 9:40 PM, ChessieCat said:

Hi romichica, and welcome to SA,

 

So that we are better able to offer suggestions we need information about your history.

 

Please create a drug signature Create Your SignaturePhone Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

...

Reply: Hello, your reply means a lot. I feel very ignorant and very naive to have gone through this process. I wish I can turn back time but I cannot. I feel weak and very scared. I took the last dose of 5 mg of lexapro on march 5 2017, it was a quick drop from 20 to 10 and then 5. I am having intense dark thoughts. Depression about past choices, fear of entering this medication world, just a complete mess, I hope to hold on a bit longer or what history of this medicine people have please ? 

Edited by scallywag
moved post comments outside quote, trimmed quote for readability

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KarenB

Hello Romichica,

 

You are dealing with a lot of difficult things right now.  I was trying to work out your age from your post - are you in your early 20s?  I know it can be difficult when you are a young adult and needing to make your own decisions, but still perhaps reliant on your parents for financial support. 


Since it was three months ago that you stopped lexapro, there is a reasonable chance that reinstatement of a small amount - say 1mg - would help to lessen the withdrawal symptoms, and also help you to stabilise.  Reinstating and Stabilising to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms.  Then, after a good amount of time when you feel ready, you could taper off slowly and gently.  We recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your current dose each month.  This allows your brain time to adjust as you go, and lessens any withdrawal. 

 

If you decide on this option, are you able to get yourself to a doctor for a prescription?  Most doctors don't understand w/d, and will probably just want to put you back on a full dose.  That's okay - you can just take the prescription, then use it to get the amount you need. 

 

Have a read of that thread (and the ones ChessieCat posted) and let us know what you think.

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

 

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romichica07

hi Karen

I am 25, thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot to have people to talk to during this. I came to the USA when i was 12 and my parents relied on me for everything and i never had a healthy upbringing. This explains all the symptoms and mental concerns. I am very isolated at this point and nobody really understand. I am very scared to reinstate. My fear is intense. I am threatened by them to go to mental health hospital if anything. I am praying that these symptoms stop. I have never been at such cross road. What alternative do i have ?

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romichica07

:( hi all

 

 

I am currently in nyc 25, female, i am looking to connect with others that are coming off SSRI's. i think it is great to find connection to make the journey easier. Please contact me here and lets chat thanks ! 

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KarenB

Perhaps you can tell your parents that if they don't like medications, it's not a good idea to go to a mental health hospital - because medications are how they treat everybody who goes there. 

 

Unfortunately there aren't many options:

1.  Stay off all drugs, and wait for withdrawal to end.  However, withdrawal can last for months or years, depending on the individual and how they tapered or CT'd.  They could also get worse before they get better.  I don't want to scare you, but I do want you to understand what's involved so you can make a more informed decision. 

2.  Reinstate a small amount to give yourself a chance to stabilise. 

 

I know that it's really scary Romichica, and the fact that you have no support around you makes it so much harder.  So I'd also like to remind you that things do get better.  With time, and good self-care, things will start to settle down.  At this point you probably do have a fair amount of control over your situation (even though it feels otherwise), so take some time, try to calm yourself, and then give some thought to your options.  Did you read the links?  The conversations in them might help you process some of your own concerns. 

 

What symptoms are you having?

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romichica07

Hi

 

It is terrible to even write under my circumstance. the flow of negative and depressive self talk it is literally hurting me. I wish i can control my thinking pattern but it is very difficult, many people can do it but i am not able. I have not able to hold jobs, it has been difficult. I was fired from many, i cant seem to explain my pain or my life luck at this point. I am not sure if i can recover from this i am very scared. 

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KarenB

Romichica,

 

You've done a good job of beginning to explain how you are feeling.  I can see that it's terribly hard for you.  Can you write a list of the symptoms you are having?  For example, are you having trouble sleeping?  Or do you have dizziness? 

 

You're at the hardest point right now.  Things will start to get better.  How do you take care of yourself?  Can you get some magnesium, dissolve it in water and sip it throughout the day?  That can help with anxiety.  You can do this one step at a time.  You are not alone here.

 

Karen

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miT
8 hours ago, romichica07 said:

Hi

 

It is terrible to even write under my circumstance. the flow of negative and depressive self talk it is literally hurting me. I wish i can control my thinking pattern but it is very difficult, many people can do it but i am not able. I have not able to hold jobs, it has been difficult. I was fired from many, i cant seem to explain my pain or my life luck at this point. I am not sure if i can recover from this i am very scared. 

This is exactly what I have learned because my thoughts got me stuck in fear, shame and hopelessness for the future.

So you can master your thoughts. I learned it when I was rock-bottom. You can too. But first you also have to learn to not resist your pain. This means intensely feel your pain without thinking about it, because that's a form of resistance. Your pain is not life threatening ok, so you can get away with feeling it. Feeling it also does not mean that you agree to be in pain for the rest of your life. 

Feeling your pain actually serves two purposes. First of all your pain will go away much faster after a short moment of intensification. If you resist it instead you're in for a bad day ofm pain. Second, it learns you to not think. The only purpose of thought is to deflect you from these moments of discomfort. However you know by now that these thoughts tend to get negative and give you even more pain and fear.

Your pain will come back, but less intense and for a shorter period of time because you have stopped fueling it with negativity. Eventually it will become a thing of the past because it was self-inflicted, caused by a mind set against itself.

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miT

About the drugs. I would consider option 2 of KarenB' s suggestions. I also reinstated. It allowed me to work at the root of my problem, my mind, without being overwhelmed by a bunch of different w\d symptoms.

Do you have other symptoms besides fear?

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romichica07
18 hours ago, KarenB said:

Romichica,

 

You've done a good job of beginning to explain how you are feeling.  I can see that it's terribly hard for you.  Can you write a list of the symptoms you are having?  For example, are you having trouble sleeping?  Or do you have dizziness? 

 

You're at the hardest point right now.  Things will start to get better.  How do you take care of yourself?  Can you get some magnesium, dissolve it in water and sip it throughout the day?  That can help with anxiety.  You can do this one step at a time.  You are not alone here.

 

Karen

 

hi Karen

 

thank you so much for checking in with me. It is such a nightmare to go through this, I do pray things can get better. On the medication i was not myself, i was different wicked and not the shy woman i am. I am fighting to not go back on it, it is torturous. How can i handle my thoughts? At this point i just wish to stay in bed, stay in the dark and not come out of the house. My mom does not want me to reinstate, if i reinstate (which is difficult because i has different doctors) it will not be a good thing for me. I wish i can turn back time to when i made that decision (i was 21-22). It was not until i hit 25 that i realized all about withdraws.. It is terrifying to be in this stage of my life. The symptoms I have: cannot stay sit, mind racing continously, not able to eat, biting nails hard, not controlling thoughts, feel headache, unable to work or perform much around the house it is such a horrible experience, why did that doc allow me to take such medication? I feel a victim but also at fault. How have people overcome this ? 

 

 

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romichica07
12 hours ago, miT said:

About the drugs. I would consider option 2 of KarenB' s suggestions. I also reinstated. It allowed me to work at the root of my problem, my mind, without being overwhelmed by a bunch of different w\d symptoms.

Do you have other symptoms besides fear?

 

hi Tim

 

Thank you so much for your support. I am basically staying home all and not able to function. It feels very scary to see myself at this point. I feel as if i am at a breaking point but holding on for reasons i dont understand. I see people in the street and they all look happy and healthy. I cannot believe this is my life. I have been a cautious, shy girl and very close to family. The medicine turned me into a different person, ruined my relationships and also destroyed my moral self. I am here, i am praying to come out of it alive. I am very saddened which increases my depression. i am not sure how to go about 

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miT

I used to be shy, always looking for approval of others, always helping everybody. After meds I broke with my parents for a while, was lashing out at friends and became a conflict-seeker at work.  So just like you, many have become a changed person while on meds. 

 

I can definitely tell you that self pity doesn’t work. I’ve done it for many years and now I can reflect on it and tell you that it served me nothing. It doesn’t matter who put you on the drugs or why you had to go through all these events in your life. Instead you should get angry and say to yourself "this is my life!" and do what you have to do to conquer it back. Because you’re giving away ownership of your life to a racing mind that brings you anywhere.

 

You are where you are. It doesn’t matter how you got there. Now claim back the control over your mind, get fed up with these spiraling thoughts. See how they drain you out. Isn’t it obvious that your mind is a huge part of the problem?

 

I’m not the drug expert, but like Karen said, you could definitely try magnesium. It’s a natural supplement. I started taking it two weeks ago and am positive about it.

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romichica07

 i am taking magnesium capsules but it does not seem for them to be working much for me. I am hoping i can wait this terror out. However my biggest fear is all the horror stories i read of people on anti depressants it really scares me a  lot 

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miT

Yes there are people here with terrible physical symptoms. When I had tremor, positive thinking probably wasn’t gonna stop the trembling. However when I read your symptoms, I see fear, stress, guilt,... Yours are mainly psychological. And of course the w/d aggravates the symptoms, but the root cause of your suffering is still your own mind.

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romichica07

it is such a difficult battle, i see the things i did to my family under the influence, and how my life has turned out to be so broken because of these medications. i wish i can turn back time, i wish i was not this naive. it happened, i am not able to go back. How can i be at peace? what has worked for you 

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KarenB

Romichica, many people are scared to reinstate their medication.  However it is usually the best way to let your brain heal and stabilise.  Remember, once you are stabilised again, you will be able to taper slowly and safely.  The plan is NOT for you to go back on lexapro and stay there. 

 

The plan is to get you OFF drugs with the least harm possible.

 

Would your mother read the info on reinstatement?  From that thread: 

  • Quote

     

    • According to medical knowledge, reinstatement is the only way to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.
    • Reinstatement is best done immediately upon appearance of withdrawal symptoms. The more time that passes, the less likely it is to work.
    • The length of this window of opportunity varies according to the individual. Sometimes people can reinstate successfully months after quitting. Others cannot.
    • Some find a partial dose will relieve withdrawal symptoms. If, for example, you were taking 20mg Paxil and quit rapidly only a few days ago, 5mg or 10mg may be enough. Others find they need a higher dose.
    • Start low to see what you need. You can always increase if necessary. If you've been off the drug for a month or more, many people can find relief from antidepressant withdrawal symptoms by reinstating as little as 1mg-5mg.

     

     

Thanks for listing your symptoms.  Many people come here with the same symptoms.  There are two threads to read which might help you understand what is happening with your thoughts:  Dealing with Emotional Spirals and Neuro Emotions.

 

People overcome this (in addition to reinstating) by learning to manage the strong emotions, by connecting to other members here and sharing stories, by digging deep and finding that strength which is in all of us.  You can too.

 

Hugs,

Karen

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KarenB

Just saw this that another mod posted (thanks MammaP).  It may be useful for your family to read. 

 

 Quote

What you might see if your friend or family member has a severe adverse reaction when trying to stop taking SSRI/SNRI antidepressants…

 

 

1.Your loved one begins to feel sick. Physical symptoms such as flu-like aches, dizziness, nightmares, heart palpitations, headaches, brain zaps, etc. appear. Depending on the half-life of the specific drug, this can occur even within a day or two.

 

2.He/she might express shame and embarrassment or anger for having ever taken the drug. They might talk about feeling like “a druggie.”

 

3.Anxiety and confusion set in along with an inability to focus. Your loved one starts to act and look a little lost or muddled. They might worry that they’re “crazy.” They worry they’re going to hurt you by making you “go through this” with them. You can see an inability to connect thought patterns or thoughts with emotions as the abstract thinking process is compromised.

 

4.Their dreams become more vivid and often disturbing if they’re able to sleep at all. Insomnia can get brutal at this point.

 

5.Aggression, irritability, homicidal and suicidal thoughts and actions can pop out of nowhere – and you’ll be stunned. Personality and attitude changes become very apparent to you because you’ve been close with this person, but co-workers or casual friends might not see anything wrong.

 

6.Gaps in memory begin – very often memories that were formed while taking the SSRI or during withdrawal are the ones that seem to go. You might bring up the movie you saw with this person the day before and be told you've gone out of your mind! Emotions reappear in sudden, intense bursts and rollercoaster the person between uncontrollable crying fits and anger. You might seem them sob for hours then turn and want to rip someone’s head off. Preferably whoever prescribed the SSRI in the first place. ;-)

 

7.Your loved one suddenly feels the need to make big decisions, life-altering changes, keep moving - this symptom is called akathisia. The “fight or flight” mechanism has completely malfunctioned.

 

8.The person feels depersonalized and disconnected from him/herself or reality. You might hear he/she "feels nothing" as emotional responses are flattened. They might say they feel like they’re “floating outside” their heads. They usually still have an awareness of something wrong at this point.

 

9.Your loved one might eliminate input from those nearest (including you), often stressing independence and competency to an unreasonable, paranoid level. He or she now appears selfish and arrogant a lot of the time.

 

10.Manic and psychotic episodes can come and go at random intervals, triggered in part due to severe insomnia. Perceptions of people, timeframes and events can become skewed and completely inaccurate.

 

11.The person’s connection to the consequences of his or her own actions is severed. Conscience and compassion disappear. That awareness of "something wrong" may disappear, too.

 

12.The person vilifies and pushes away the people they care for the most, almost always including a spouse or significant other first. The person in withdrawal might start to believe they never loved their partner, shifts blame to them for events that may or may not have happened, or fails to recall positive, defining events in the relationship. Duration or quality of the relationship seems to have little bearing on this response.

 

13.Autistic responses kick in, meaning physical contact and affection become repugnant.

 

14.Your formerly calm loved one can display unusual impulsive behaviors such as promiscuity, impulsive spending, drinking – even if they never did these things before. The five senses shift into overdrive.

 

15.The "going back in time" phenomenon appears. The person reverts to anything "ex," grasping mentally and emotionally to people or things they were attached to prior to their first dose of the antidepressant.

 

16.Waves of rebound depression, anxiety, etc. hit. If a health care provider is unaware that withdrawal symptoms mimic bi-polar disorder and other mental illnesses, a new diagnosis can result in further medication, trapping the person in an endless cycle of psychotropic drugs.

 

17.Physical symptoms subside gradually. The person often doesn’t have a full awareness, sometimes for months or even years at this point, that many of their behaviors and decisions are a continued result of withdrawal. They believe their thoughts, memories, feelings and actions are absolutely correct, and no one can tell them otherwise.

 

18.People begin to experience "good days" or "good weeks" only to have a bad episode hit weeks later out of the blue. Sudden downswings in emotions have been repeatedly noted at the six- and nine-month marks following the last dose. This, too, shall pass.

 

19.At 1-3 years out, folks are reporting sudden intense neurological twitches and muscles spasms. Very scary, but they seem to self-correct.

 

20.Final Note: Every brain is chemically individual. The severity, order of symptoms and duration of withdrawal vary from person to person. Some experience a handful of symptoms. Others experience every symptom imaginable. Others experience very few or almost none. Cold turkey or abrupt withdrawal drastically increases these symptoms.

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StarJ

Romi you have quit your ad too quickly and are suffering horribly as a result. Unfortunately you need to either stay on them long term or get off very slowly. I felt the same years ago when i went off too quickly and know exactly how you are feeling .

 

The good news it is temporary but you need to reinstate, stabilize, and get off very slowly

 

Good luck

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DrugfreeProf

Wow, KarenB that is a REALLY good rendition from MammaP about what to expect if your loved one is going through WD.

Every point and every step sounds right-on to me, based on what I've seen with my daughter Alex (Lex1992).

But Romi, that doesn't mean that YOU will go through all of these symptoms, as every person is unique!

 

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miT
16 hours ago, romichica07 said:

How can i be at peace? what has worked for you 

My struggle is not a thing of the past, but what I do is not feed my negative thoughts anymore. When I'm feeling anxious I focus on the energy. I observe, I feel the energy in my body. I don't think about reasons, solutions, blame and all that stuff anymore, because that only maintains the pain.

 

You have to know your enemy. It's not the drug.

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romichica07

I am still very anxious, my symptoms so far include: morning anxiety pacing around the house constantly, sometimes i have windows (very small), feel sick, look at people like i am not healthy and everyone else seems to be okay and healthy, i have been three months off, i am not sure how to handle these symptoms. My biggest concern is my close minded family that really wants to suffocate me and let me suffer raw through this symptoms. I am very scared to reinstate, what can be the worse that will happen ?

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KarenB

Have you shown your family the list i posted above, about what it's like for a person in withdrawal?

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romichica07

No she doesn't understand or wants to understand the situation. I am not sure how long it will last 

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KarenB

At three months off there is still a reasonable (but not guaranteed) chance that reinstatement of a small amount would relieve your symptoms.

 

If you choose not to reinstate, you may have symptoms like this for months or years.  They may get worse before they get better.  As you are the one who has to bear all of this, it is VERY important that you are the one to decide - not your family.  You are important, and so is your health.  You deserve better treatment than this.  You deserve to be able to make a decision based on facts, not fear or misunderstanding (as your family seems to be doing).

 

Question - if you were not living with your family, what would your decision be? 

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romichica07

Hi Karen 

 

thank you for checking in, it means a lot at this point. I am very anxious to start again and feel the right thing is to stick it out no matter how much pain will come out of it. My other concern is how do I know about coming back to normal ? Is that an option since I have had anxiety in the past but I do know medication ruined me for the worst. I am now in a stage of complete shock about me future I stay in bed all day and just read success stories of people, I can't describe or explain how I got to this point, it is very scary and isolating. My mom has a lot of health issues and she gets manic from her many medications ( she is kidney transplant and lupus). We argue and I just makes me worse when we do argue. I am afraid I got involved in something i can't seem to be strong to handle. I wonder why and how and when all this will be over, feel as if this is a dream 

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miT

So your mother takes meds, but won't let you? With all due respect, but right now you need your meds as much as your mother does!

 

When I reinstated I immediately felt better. Isn't that enough proof that my brain created a physical dependency on the drug for normal operation? Apparently my brain needed the drugs. Do you think your brain is that different? Isn't your suffering proof of an imbalance?

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romichica07

it is a very scary situation and i seem to terrified to go back to any doctor at this point, i am not sure i am functioning but how can i deal with these withdrawls, they are so terrible i wish i can turn back time i pray that my suffering will end 

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miT

You can’t turn back time, but you can make a doctor appointment.

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KarenB

Anxiety is a response.  When there are difficult things in our lives, we feel anxious.  It is a signal to us that we need extra care, or perhaps to make some changes.  There are many tools and strategies we can learn to help us manage anxiety.  I learned a lot from my counselor.  There are also many on-line tools like guided meditations. 

 

So, anxiety is NOT a random thing that can come and attack you in the future, for no reason.  It is not something to fear, not something we have no power over.

 

Start building up your tools to manage it, and you can start to feel more confident about coping the next time something difficult happens in your life. 

 

You have got to this point because your brain is struggling to cope with suddenly not having the drugs.  Any changes to brains need to be made gently. 

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Rockingchaircat
On 6/15/2017 at 0:35 PM, romichica07 said:

it is a very scary situation and i seem to terrified to go back to any doctor at this point, i am not sure i am functioning but how can i deal with these withdrawls, they are so terrible i wish i can turn back time i pray that my suffering will end 

Yes, now I understand a bit better what you're going through. It does not help that your family is so obtuse about your condition. And you are quite correct- "how can a doctor do this to you?" Unfortunately, many of the docs in America have a 'a pill can fix everything' mentality. Which is the attitude that so many Pharmaceutical companies encourage. 

 

The Best way to battle Intrusive thoughts?  I don't know about you and what your intrusive thoughts are, but I do know what mine are: they are like they are a part of me, constantly belittling me and always reminding me of how I've always screwed things up. How I'm a terrible person for the things I've done. And I still wish, even now, that I could go back in time and undo those terrible things to me and to others.

But I cannot. I cannot go back in time. No one can.

 

So what is one to do?  Learn from them.  

For example, I've made many a silly mistake about interacting with others, particularly women. The result of which, I've managed to horribly insult a particular contemporary of mine. I realize now my mistake. But I cannot go back in time and undo it. But what I have learned- is how to keep my mouth shut- long enough to get my brain to kick in with some restraint on my tongue.  Thus, I have managed to avoid many more horribly insulted female contemporaries. And on a few occasions, managed to encourage them in their endeavors. One of whom came back to thank me for my encouragement. (She was an aspiring comic strip artist), one off-hand compliment by me apparently gave her a huge boost to her self esteem.  

I managed this, by learning to counter my 'negative-self''s arguments. 

 

So everytime your negative self tells you how awful  you were about doing something. Counter it. Find the way in which your experience has managed to get you to change your ways.

There are many people who have offended me. You know what? I've forgiven them. A couple of them have come back to me and apologised to me for having offended me and asked me what they could do to make amends. My advice to them: Have you changed your ways to avoid doing what you did again. If the answer is  yes- then they've already done what is necessary. If the answer is no, then I ask them to work on changing it. They're usually willing. That's all one could ask.

 

Your negative self is hard on you.  Allow  your positive self to be easy on you. 

 

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