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sadandconfused

Can't feel anymore - withdrawal

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sadandconfused

Hello everyone, I feel so lost right now. I was very stressed out August 2015 and was put on 10 mg of Lexapro for anxiety. About a month on the pills I met an amazing guy. Oh my goodness I was so crazy about him and I loved him so so much. About 9 months later I decided to get off the pills cause I didn't think I needed them anymore and I stopped cold turkey. About a month later I woke up one morning and all my feelings I had for him were gone. It was out of nowhere, no warning, nothing. The man I couldn't wait to marry and start a life with was like a stranger to me. I feel sick, I can't eat, all I wanna do is sleep. This has been going on for 4 months now. I really want reassurance that this will get better but it's so hard. How can you have the love of your life right in front of you and then during withdraw feel nothing? I just don't understand. Thank you in advance!

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sadandconfused

And I also have another thing to add, during those 4 months I have also thought about other guys as well, even though those thoughts are extremely unwanted. It makes me wanna throw up. Does anyone have any experience with this? My whole 9 month relationship with him can't be an entire lie? :( I'm crying just as I am typing this, I really need some help. I seriously do not know what to do.

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sadandconfused

Hey guys, i cannot believe it but it has been exactly one year since I started losing my feelings. In these past 12 months I've felt more emotional pain than I'd ever thought I'd have to. It's definitely been the strangest year of my life. I'm still not right. I will go through phases where I'll start to feel something and think okay finally I'm getting better, and then the next week will be back to square one and not even really wanting to be around my boyfriend. We had an amazing 10 months together and then I lost my feelings. While it's gone by fairly fast, I still feel like the days are dragging. I need reassurance that this will get better. </3 I can barely eat or sleep, I just wanna feel happiness again. It's horrible. I was only on the pills for 9 months and then I quit cold turkey. Should I be disappointed that it's been a year and I still don't feel like I love him? Thanks so much in advance. 

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Coopergirl1

Hey girlfriend..you know it does and will get better. Brass monkey felt the same way about his wife for a long time and eventually he felt for her again. Our feelings are masked and only when our brain goes back to normal will we be able to feel that way again. Your brain is still working on making back the dopamine the drug has depleted ❤️

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Henry

I'm confused by your post really. It seems that if you want to get your feelings back for your boyfriend then you must have some feelings for him, otherwise wouldn't you just not care at all.

 

My partner left me in February and I haven't heard s thing from her. Nothing. No chance of her seeing me or bumping into me, she has completely cut me off. I imagine because she has no feelings. 

 

So if you and Coopergirl have no feelings for your partners, what exactly is it that is making you recognise that and want to get your feelings back?

 

Do you both still live with or see your partners? And again if so, what is it that keeps you in their lives of its not feelings?

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Henry

By the way it's not a criticism, just curious.

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Coopergirl1

We both live with our boyfriends and the reason we have come to recognize this is because my boyfriend looked into S.A because he noticed strange behavior in me and I think sad&confused found this info online too. Henry is your partner still on medication? I didn't believe it was the pills at first. Also February was only a couple months ago your partner may soon realize the same thing and I sure hope so.

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Henry

Hi Coopergirl

 

Thank you for the insight. It really helps to know what people going through this think and feel. 

 

i don't know if she is still on the meds. She dropped from 100mg to 50mg two weeks before she wanted a break. She said she wanted a break about 18th Feb the same day the doctor told her to stop the Sertraline for a week and start Venlafaxine the week after. I never heard from her ever again. Her father said she reduced her dose around 4th April then stopped completely around the 20th April.

 

i don't know whether she stayed off them or started again and she is unlikely to tell her parents the truth.

 

thanks again for your honesty and candour, it really does help those of us on the other side of things.

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sadandconfused

Hello, I could definitely see how my story could be confusing but to make a long story short I basically fell out of love with my boyfriend literally within a few days. I quit Lexapro cold turkey and about a month later I woke up one day and felt nothing for the man I had been so so in love with. I loved this guy more than words can describe. We talked about getting married, having kids, etc. I knew he was the one for me! Then suddenly all of that changed. When withdrawal set in, I completely changed. I didn't see him as the extremely handsome man I always had, little things about him would annoy me, I just really quit wanting to be around him. It was devastating for both of us. I pray that the love is still there but I cannot feel anything. I'm afraid I'm gonna push him away through all of this. </3 it's awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. 

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sadandconfused

Thanks Coopergirl!!

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sadandconfused

Sorry Henry, I don't know if I quite answered your question but basically I just feel like if I loved him as much as I know I did at one point, the feelings have still got to be in there somewhere even though it's so hard to see now. A little over a year ago I would've be so so devastated if we would've broke up. I loved him more than words could describe and I couldn't wait to spend my life with him. I just feel like that feeling still has to be there somewhere. That's why I've held on so long. 

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Henry

Thank you for letting me know what's going on with you sadandconfused.

 

i know for sure how much my girlfriend really loved me but now it seems like she doesn't care or regret leaving me at all. She doesn't seem to see how much she loved me like you and coopergirl obviously do about your partners.

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Coopergirl1

Henry it could be because she is still on the medication or it could be because she hasn't done any internet reading on how these drugs can change people? 

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Henry
13 minutes ago, Coopergirl1 said:

Henry it could be because she is still on the medication or it could be because she hasn't done any internet reading on how these drugs can change people? 

Yes you are right. She told her parents she had stopped taking it back in April and said she didn't feel right. So she may have started it again and just not told her parents. She never told them when she was on it, it was only when she wanted a break that I convinced her to tell them so at least someone was aware.

 

who knows if she is on or off them? She seems to be enjoying her life and has completely blocked me on all social media. Is that the actions of someone who tells you that they love you to bits the day she wanted a break? Or is it the actions of somebody who says the reason she wasn't sure about the relationship is because we haven't been intimate for a few months. I mean we were together 11 years, of course intimacy declines.

 

i don't know, sometimes I think it's the meds, other times I think she is just plain old nasty and not the person I thought she was.

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Coopergirl1

No this medication can change people without   Knowing and then they think oh I just feel better and it's like no you don't all your symptoms are masked by this medication and so are all of your good feelings aka loving feelings are masked too. You should email her all the different articles and say I really hope you'll look into this more.

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Henry
32 minutes ago, Coopergirl1 said:

No this medication can change people without   Knowing and then they think oh I just feel better and it's like no you don't all your symptoms are masked by this medication and so are all of your good feelings aka loving feelings are masked too. You should email her all the different articles and say I really hope you'll look into this more.

 

I wish I could email her Coopergirl. I just don't feel like I can even talk to her anymore. :( its like we are strangers. So Sad

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sadandconfused

Henry I'm really sorry you are going through this too. I really wish I had some more advice for you but since I'm on the opposite end and I'm the one who lost feelings it's a little difficult. I've come so close to leaving my boyfriend multiple times and everytime something just holds me back. I can't feel anything for him but I'm praying the feelings will come back, and I really hope your ex girlfriend will realize it's the pills! It may take a while but it seems like everyone has an epiphany eventually. 

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Henry

Thanks for replying Sad. I've something is holding you back could it not be love?

 

my girlfriend said she loved me to bits he last day I saw her and she said she wanted a break. I never heard from her again. She completely blocked me on all social media even though friends say her profiles are still littered with photos of us.

 

i don't get it. I never did anything to deserve to be completely shunned. Even people who fall out of love can remain friends at least on social media.

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Konjo
22 hours ago, Henry said:

 

i don't get it. I never did anything to deserve to be completely shunned. Even people who fall out of love can remain friends at least on social media.

 

That's simple - side effects of SSRI. Bizarre, horrible, beyond reason...

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Henry
3 hours ago, Konjo said:

 

That's simple - side effects of SSRI. Bizarre, horrible, beyond reason...

 

I guess you are right. Unless for the 11 years we were together she hid her real personality from me!

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Konjo
20 minutes ago, Henry said:

 

I guess you are right. Unless for the 11 years we were together she hid her real personality from me!

 

 

I had similar thoughts several years ago. But after reading so many same stories I know for sure that SSRI are real reason.. 

In case of my ex these side effects gave lasting effect, In 2013 she broke with me. In 2014 was our divorce and just several months after that she married new guy.

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Henry
17 minutes ago, Konjo said:

 

 

I had similar thoughts several years ago. But after reading so many same stories I know for sure that SSRI are real reason.. 

In case of my ex these side effects gave lasting effect, In 2013 she broke with me. In 2014 was our divorce and just several months after that she married new guy.

Yes, I am familiar with your story Konjo. I am sure you are right.

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sadandconfused

Hey guys,

If anyone could give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated. It's been 14 months since I completely lost feelings for my boyfriend after stopping 10 mg of Lexapro cold turkey. If you've read my main story on here you probably know that after about 10 months of dating we were planning on getting married and couldn't wait to start our life together. We were so happy and I just loved him so so much. About 6 weeks after quitting Lexapro cold turkey I woke up and everything was different. I just didn't see him the way I did before. It's like my feelings just flipped an off switch. I felt nothing. It was horrible. Now 14 months later I still haven't recovered my feeling and I guess I just wanna know, how long do I wait? How long do I keep wasting his time? I'm so afraid that the feelings will never return. It's been so long that I can't even remember what it's like to love him. I know I was happy at one point but those feelings are so far gone. I'm seriously just sick of all of it. I wanna find myself again. He's tired of it too and he reminds me A LOT of how we were supposed to already be married. It makes it so much harder. I'm sorry, I know this probably sounds negative but I just want someone else's view on this. Thanks in advance.

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ChessieCat

Just found this posted in a member's Intro topic:

 

8 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

When it comes to WD, anhedonia is natures way of protecting us from the excruciating experience of constant panic attacks, nonstop anxiety, adrenaline rushes, cortisol spikes, palpitations, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts and the like.  Your mind decides that it is better to feel nothing at all than to be put through the ringer 24/7 with emotions and sensations that wrack the body and soul, and the slow healing/recover process to a snails pace.  When the mind is allowed to feel nothing the body is then allowed to relax and direct it's energy to where it really needs to be used. This allows for faster more complete healing, less painful WD symptoms and a better quality of life.

 

Yes, anhedonia is no fun.  Primarily because we make it that way.  We all want to regain our feelings as fast as possible.  But we are in a healing situation where the body needs to be allowed to do what it needs to do, because it knows best how to put itself back together.  Once we understand this, accept it and stop fighting it we will start to heal at a faster rate and life will be much more pleasant as we do so.  Given a lifetime, the time spent in ADWD/recovery is insignificant.  We have all had our "life" cruelly taken from us and want it back now.  But to get it back fully we need to let the WD/recovery run its course, put on a brave face and accept what ever it throws at us, whether we can feel it or not.  With time, the healing will happen and when it knows we are ready our minds will allow us to feel our full range of emotions again and life will be even better.

 

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sadandconfused
11 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Just found this posted in a member's Intro topic:

 

 

 

Thank you for that! I really appreciate it. Withdrawal is a living hell and I know everyone on here knows it. I know I'm asking questions that cannot be answered but I can't help it :( I guess the main thing I wanna know is how long do I actually wait you know? Gosh I loved him so much it was ridiculous. I felt so blessed I had found my soulmate and now I cannot feel anything and actually kinda dread coming home to him. Ugh I know that's so awful and it has to be this withdrawal. I guess I'm desperate to find more success stories cause I really don't wanna waste anymore or his time or put him through this if I'm not meant to get better. <\3 thank you again for your reply! 

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Klipsanen

I have exactly the same situation! 

 

But i'havent had any feelings (except anger and sadness) since i started my medication (risperdal) and i'm halfway tapering it off.

 

i've been with my boyfriend soon 11 months and we are planning wedding, but i'm hesitating just like you.. if i'm just wasting his time? 

We were doing great before my psychosis, we were so in love and everything was extremely wonderful! I found my true soulmate, but now i cant feel a thing for him and i have trouble even speaking!

 

i'm so so sad right now, that i cant have my feelings back even after when i have tapered my medication off. But who knows how i'm going to recover from this hell.. i have been praying every night for god, please help everyone struggling from medication!

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sadandconfused

Hello everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well. It's been almost 18 months since I lost feelings for my boyfriend after stopping Lexapro cold turkey. We were so so in love and everyone around us knew it. We were inseparable after a couple months of dating and couldn't wait to be married and start our life together. About 4 to 6 weeks after taking my last dose of Lexapro, I woke up and everything was different. My boyfriend looked the same and acted the same but I did not see him the same way I had for the 9 months before. I know everyone's different but I was just wondering if someone could tell me how long they lost their feelings and when they knew they were coming back? I can at least see how bad I was to him in the first part of the withdrawal and how much I hurt and shut him out. I've apologized many times and sometimes I will get glimpses of the old feelings or start to feel something and I'll wake up the next day again confused and unsure how I feel about him. Does this sound normal to those of you who have lost feelings or been the spouses of someone who has lost feelings? I'll give anything in the world to feel for him what I did in the beginning :( every month that passes I get a little more discouraged but I'm not giving up and he said he's not either. I would love to hear stories about how you guys have gotten better after this hell. I hope all of us get our feelings back <3

Thank you in advance. 

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xXShatteredXx
On 9/15/2017 at 6:18 PM, sadandconfused said:

Hey guys,

If anyone could give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated. It's been 14 months since I completely lost feelings for my boyfriend after stopping 10 mg of Lexapro cold turkey. If you've read my main story on here you probably know that after about 10 months of dating we were planning on getting married and couldn't wait to start our life together. We were so happy and I just loved him so so much. About 6 weeks after quitting Lexapro cold turkey I woke up and everything was different. I just didn't see him the way I did before. It's like my feelings just flipped an off switch. I felt nothing. It was horrible. Now 14 months later I still haven't recovered my feeling and I guess I just wanna know, how long do I wait? How long do I keep wasting his time? I'm so afraid that the feelings will never return. It's been so long that I can't even remember what it's like to love him. I know I was happy at one point but those feelings are so far gone. I'm seriously just sick of all of it. I wanna find myself again. He's tired of it too and he reminds me A LOT of how we were supposed to already be married. It makes it so much harder. I'm sorry, I know this probably sounds negative but I just want someone else's view on this. Thanks in advance.


Let me ask you this, did you meet and fall in love with your boyfriend before or after starting Lexapro? Lexapro is a mind, not mood, altering drug. So your feelings, views, personality, ect can often be very different on and off the drug. With my ex husband I was on 50 mg of Zoloft and I thought I was so in love with him ect. Cutting back on the Zoloft I realized I never loved him at all. Not only could I not stand anything about him, but I realized I wasn't even physically attracted to him. People always used to ask why I was with him and I never saw the things they saw because I was under the influence of mind altering drugs.

When I was still on some zoloft I met my current finance and love him a lot. Even after the zoloft withdrawal, I no longer feel happy or excited about things, but my love for him hasn't wavered if anything it has increased. (Really don't feel too much at all during activities where I should feel pleasure yet I'm feeling things I have never felt before..weird ik.) Since you say you feel nothing at all leads me to think more that it is probably anhedonia. The biggest thing to figure out is if you feel nothing at all in general or just feel kind of negative towards him. Like annoying, makes you angry ect.

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sadandconfused
23 hours ago, xXShatteredXx said:


Let me ask you this, did you meet and fall in love with your boyfriend before or after starting Lexapro? Lexapro is a mind, not mood, altering drug. So your feelings, views, personality, ect can often be very different on and off the drug. With my ex husband I was on 50 mg of Zoloft and I thought I was so in love with him ect. Cutting back on the Zoloft I realized I never loved him at all. Not only could I not stand anything about him, but I realized I wasn't even physically attracted to him. People always used to ask why I was with him and I never saw the things they saw because I was under the influence of mind altering drugs.

When I was still on some zoloft I met my current finance and love him a lot. Even after the zoloft withdrawal, I no longer feel happy or excited about things, but my love for him hasn't wavered if anything it has increased. (Really don't feel too much at all during activities where I should feel pleasure yet I'm feeling things I have never felt before..weird ik.) Since you say you feel nothing at all leads me to think more that it is probably anhedonia. The biggest thing to figure out is if you feel nothing at all in general or just feel kind of negative towards him. Like annoying, makes you angry ect.

Thank you for your reply. The crazy thing is that it all happened around the same time. I started taking Lexapro around the end of August and about a month later I met my boyfriend and within about a month of being with him I was crazy about him. It seemed like everything was just falling into place. 

If you don't mind me asking, when did you realize it was the real you and not the pills that dulled your feelings? Were you hoping that the feelings would return or were you just ready to move on once you didn't feel anything for your ex anymore? 

At the beginning of cold turkey I was miserable and literally just didn't even wanna be around him, but it has gotten better. We're nowhere near back to how we were when we first met but we're both still hopeful. 

I hope I did the right thing by reinstating the med. about 4 months after cold turkeying I was so miserable. I cried all the time and one night prayed to just fall asleep and not wake up. I then went back to my dr and I started 5 mg of Lexapro and have been tapering off very slow for the past year now. Do you think starting the med again could've affected my healing time of maybe prolonged it?  

The not knowing and what ifs are what kill both of us. I cry when I think about a life without him so I really hope that's a good sign.. 

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xXShatteredXx
23 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

Thank you for your reply. The crazy thing is that it all happened around the same time. I started taking Lexapro around the end of August and about a month later I met my boyfriend and within about a month of being with him I was crazy about him. It seemed like everything was just falling into place. 

If you don't mind me asking, when did you realize it was the real you and not the pills that dulled your feelings? Were you hoping that the feelings would return or were you just ready to move on once you didn't feel anything for your ex anymore? 

At the beginning of cold turkey I was miserable and literally just didn't even wanna be around him, but it has gotten better. We're nowhere near back to how we were when we first met but we're both still hopeful. 

I hope I did the right thing by reinstating the med. about 4 months after cold turkeying I was so miserable. I cried all the time and one night prayed to just fall asleep and not wake up. I then went back to my dr and I started 5 mg of Lexapro and have been tapering off very slow for the past year now. Do you think starting the med again could've affected my healing time of maybe prolonged it?  

The not knowing and what ifs are what kill both of us. I cry when I think about a life without him so I really hope that's a good sign.. 


Initially, I didn't contribute the meds to my change of heart until I was completely off the meds and realized how much different my personality and feelings were on the meds vs without. I kind of just looked at him one day and realized I couldn't stand him at all and didn't like a thing about him. It was a dead relationship to me. To be fair, he wasn't an upstanding member of society either so it could have just been that setting in when the veil was lifted off my eyes and mind. 

It is possible that the withdrawal could have made you in such a depressive state that you didn't want to be around anyone period to isolate yourself which is common. Like maybe it's not that you don't really love him anymore, but your body is so numb inside trying to cope with the trauma of withdrawal. You have said above that you cry when you think of being without him. I would think that shows that deep down you still have love for him inside of your heart somewhere. 

When it comes to traumatic or big life changing events people inevitably change or grow in some way. You could have grown apart in that sense that maybe after you went through that you realized maybe you just didn't feel the way you want about him. I can only speculate though, because no one knows your feelings better than you. There is the possibility that those same feelings may never return and you should take that into consideration. I hope that's not the case, but no one can predict the future because feelings are ever evolving in relationships. Even without withdrawal people's feelings sometimes change and this can happen. 

I couldn't tell you if reinstating was a mistake for you or not, but I know the pain of suddenly stopping meds and it's hell. I've been off 10 months I think and have not reinstated, but am considering doing so because I haven't recovered and am still suffering. Since it was only 4 months I would say you did the right things. Especially if it helped you. Cold turkey is never a good idea for anyone.

 

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Junglechicken

I have felt numb for years now about my family situation.

 

Maybe numbness can be considered to be an emotion? I'm not sure, its a coping mechanism of some sort.

 

Its impossible to detach from it all.  

 

Nearly 3 months ago I dropped my dose by 50%, so again, can't be sure if this is affecting my mind or not.

 

 

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Mermaid17

Sadandconfused I ache for you honey. I lived in that place after birth control pills highjacked my feelings too (they can effect hormones that regulate dopamine too!) and the only thing I could cling to was knowing life without him seemed worse than anything. You are healing. Give it Time. Set goals like perhaps compare how you felt a year ago to today, and evaluate again at the end of the summer. Just a thought. That you cry at the thought of not being with him means soooo much. 

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