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☼ Introducing Jemima


Jemima

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Jemima

 

It sounds like you are having success. I would love to not have tinnitus, but I've had it since June 2010 - most of the time I can ignore it, but sometimes it just screams in my ears. So happy you are feeling "you" again.

 

Karma

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg;

1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor


I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Jemima

 

It sounds like you are having success. I would love to not have tinnitus, but I've had it since June 2010 - most of the time I can ignore it, but sometimes it just screams in my ears. So happy you are feeling "you" again.

 

Karma

 

Thanks so much, Karma. The tinnitus volume was a bit higher today, but bearable, and overall it was another good day.

 

I had tinnitus long before taking an AD, although it was manageable with an antihistamine (generic Allegra). It seems to be related to pollen allergies and regularly goes away for two or three months during a normal winter. (This past winter was far from normal - could barely be called a winter at all.) Taking Lexapro really pushed it over the top, and it seems to be the most persistent of the withdrawal symptoms. Bright light doesn't bother me nearly so much and I'm not being startled so easily by noise or sudden movements (that would be my cat, Rosie), but the tinnitus hangs on. It is fading, though.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

"Thanks again, Rhi."

You're so welcome. Posting is one of the things that keeps me sane. Thank you for your voice too.

 

And so great to hear that you're experiencing solid improvement!

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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I've had ten days of near-normalcy in a row and I'm hoping this means I'm over the hump. Aside from some irritability and tinnitus that goes away after I'm up and doing things, I feel pretty much myself. Also, I seem to need a lot of sleep, but that's probably due to the battering both mind and body have taken over the past several years. Sleep is wonderfully healing.

 

I look forward to giving something back by participating in the DSM V ethics protest being organized by Paula J. Caplan, Ph.D., and someday I hope to write and publish an article on my experiences for the Christian press.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Administrator

Every little bit helps! I'm sure you will write an excellent article.

 

Sounds like you'll be writing a Success Story for this site, too -- it will be about 6 months since you've been off antidepressants, right?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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That's great, Jemima! Is that in Philly this weekend? Oh, I wanted to be there!!!

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Every little bit helps! I'm sure you will write an excellent article.

 

Sounds like you'll be writing a Success Story for this site, too -- it will be about 6 months since you've been off antidepressants, right?

 

I had my last bit of Lexapro on December 14th, so that would make it not quite five months as of today. (And today is another good, normal day.)

 

I hope that no one will judge their own progress by me. I was on antidepressants for only 16 months, and the last three to four months I was tapering. The first four to five months of my antidepressant use I was on Pristiq and Remeron, and then switched to Lexapro. If I'm not mistaken, they are different types of AD, and the Pristiq and Remeron were well out of my system by the time I began tapering from Lexapro about seven months later.

 

There are still some annoying after-effects hanging on, such as not having quite as good a memory as before, and some sensitivities, but I'm trusting that those minor problems, too, will be repaired in due time.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

That's great, Jemima! Is that in Philly this weekend? Oh, I wanted to be there!!!

 

I think you're thinking of 'Occupy the APA' which did occur in Philly yesterday as far as I know. I would like to have gone too, but I'm still tiring easily and wasn't up to commuting to Philly and spending most of the day there.

 

I'm referring to Alto's post of a few days ago regarding an ethics complaint being organized by Paula J. Caplan, Ph.D., of Harvard, regarding the expansion of diagnostic catergories in the DSM V:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2209-dr-paula-j-caplan-invites-patients-providers-to-join-dsm-complaint/page__pid__21522#entry21522

 

I posted my story on her website and she got in touch within the hour. When she's ready, I'll be joining a number of others who have been harmed by sloppy diagnosing on the part of psychiatrists. You would be an ideal candidate to join if you feel up to it. Many medical problems are misdiagnosed as depression, which I believe has become something of a garbage-can diagnostic category (i.e., if the doctor can't figure out what's wrong within fifteen minutes - bingo! - you're depressed!), so not only are major medical problems being overlooked in the rush to judgment, patients are being further damaged by the indiscriminate use of antidepressants.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Thanks, Jemima. Not sure how I missed that.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 3 weeks later...

Jemima,

Do you have any experience with/thoughts about the Certified Peer Specialist role in the Mental Health system? http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1517-certified-peer-specialist-programs/page__pid__15082#entry15082

Pennsylvania is one of the leading states as is Tennessee, Michigan, Georgia. I've been trying to get responses from anyone in California to no avail. I wouldn't be able to get paid as the salary is lower than my disability income. The CPS I know is currently doing advanced training in geriatrics at Penn (as a CPS). I think you would appreciate the person (Masters level - supervisor of State program) I met with in Tennesse. She shares many of our views.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Jemima,

Do you have any experience with/thoughts about the Certified Peer Specialist role in the Mental Health system? http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1517-certified-peer-specialist-programs/page__pid__15082#entry15082

Pennsylvania is one of the leading states as is Tennessee, Michigan, Georgia. I've been trying to get responses from anyone in California to no avail. I wouldn't be able to get paid as the salary is lower than my disability income. The CPS I know is currently doing advanced training in geriatrics at Penn (as a CPS). I think you would appreciate the person (Masters level - supervisor of State program) I met with in Tennesse. She shares many of our views.

 

I'd not heard of it until you posted. Having decided not to go back into the mental health field, I haven't been paying attention to the latest trends in certifications. I was able to find this official propaganda on the web with regard to the Pennsylvania program:

 

http://www.parecovery.org/documents/PA_Peer_Specialist_Initiative.pdf

 

CPS is apparently part of the established mental health system and funded by Medicaid, so I would surmise that it's the same-old, same-old, operating within the current psychiatric model. That being the case, anyone who questions psychiatry and psychiatric drug use would not fit in very well.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I haven't been around much lately because it's the end of spring planting season. There are thirty-six Marigolds (reputed to repel bunnies from one's leafy greens) and two Rosemary plants sitting on the front porch waiting to be put in the ground as I type.

 

At this point, I'd guesstimate that I'm 95% on my way to the end of 'the road back'. I've had some irritable mornings when I'm sure my Cortisol was out of whack, although not nearly as bad as in the recent past, and continue to have food sensitivities. Getting my digestive system back to good health is a current priority. I've taken to experimenting with Kimchi and will probably try sauerkraut soon. Things never move along as fast as I want, but at least I'm going in the right direction.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Jemima,

The CPSs I've met are very ANTI-psychiatry - many were at the ISEPP meeting in Los Angeles last October. Of course, there is a spectrum, as with anything. I believe they are working from within the system to change things. In my experience as Advocate for others, docs are not adamantly opposed to reducing meds; I believe many are pressed for time and also concerned about liability involved in DCing a med prescribed initially by another doc.

There are a few CPSs who blog on Mad in America. Seems strange that this program is strong in some areas but virtually unknown among mental health providers in other areas of same state. No offense meant! It's perplexing. May be tied to the state-funding/Medicaid. I recently saw an ad for a CPS position in a State MH hospital that paid in the $60k range with Bachelors degree, full state benefits, etc. May have been New York. That was an exception. Most pay peanuts.

 

I just posted a bit more info on that thread. Word back from person in the class now: "The entire class and instructors have stated openly the need to work person-to-person to get away from meds." Class is in King of Prussia.

The geriatrician (Head of Geriatrics at U Penn) instructing the CPS class is very anti-med.

Sorry- I dont mean to come across as oppositional. Ive been trying for so many years to get back to any level of function/work and have been shut out everywhere. Not easy with a 11+ year gap on my resume, a Work Comp lawsuit, disability, etc. in this economy.

I see a tremendous opportunity to combine the knowledge of safely tapering meds with the CPS or other Advocacy position. And I'm desperate to feel useful again. :(

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I seem to have given myself a bit of a setback by the overly enthusiastic use of Phosphatidyl-serine, which went past the calming stage and straight into sluggish and mildly depressed. In this case, I'm thankful for side effects because it upset my stomach badly and I might not have realized what was going on if not for that.

 

Ah, well. This should pass in a week to ten days. Not much in the context of months of withdrawal.

 

One good thing - which I don't think is related - is that most of the stiffness and aches and pains from withdrawal have gone. It's remarkable how much pain and anguish Lexapro caused aside from the severe discomfort of withdrawal. Ack!!! This stuff is poison!

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Jemima,

 

I enjoyed reading about your journey and how things became better over time, with the setbacks here and there. I'm just starting my 4th week off of my SSRI and am really needy at times to hear assurance that "it does get better." My best wishes that each bump in the road becomes faster and easier to overcome.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Jemima,

 

I enjoyed reading about your journey and how things became better over time, with the setbacks here and there. I'm just starting my 4th week off of my SSRI and am really needy at times to hear assurance that "it does get better." My best wishes that each bump in the road becomes faster and easier to overcome.

 

I'm glad that my story is helpful, and I certainly understand the need for reassurance. The symptoms really do go away over time (which varies greatly from one person to another), but the progress seems to go in jerks forward and disappointing leaps backward - although usually not all the way back - and it goes much more slowly than we want. I was certainly disappointed to find that a supplement could get me off track.

 

Thank you for the good wishes as well. Back atcha. :)

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

So maybe it wasn't the Phosphatidyl-serine after all. The stomach pains just wouldn't go away and left me fatigued and listless, not what I had in mind for a happy retirement. Then I came across an article I'd saved from Mercola's website wherein he interviews Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride and discovered that probiotics, particularly fermented food, can cause a "healing crisis" if they are not introduced very gradually into the diet. And here I've been having half a cup of kimchi at least once a day for several months, thinking that would help. I haven't had any since yesterday morning, and I feel better already.

 

I think I'm going to try either the Specific Carbohydrate Diet created by Elaine Gottschall or Mark Sissin's Primal Blueprint for several months before trying any fermented food again. I've always had a somewhat sensitive stomach and apparently antidepressants made that worse. :(

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Administrator

Oooof -- I found a little too much fresh kimchi will upset my stomach, too.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I seem to be going through something that I think of as more of a trough than a wave. For the past month or so I've been sleeping at least ten hours a night and I don't feel very energetic or motivated when I do get out of bed. This is disturbing, as I had a lot of plans for things to do during retirement and I'm hoping this is some sort of temporary, deep healing state that will pass soon.

 

At first I blamed the Phosphatidyl-serine, which I no longer take, and then gut problems, but the latter have been pretty much cleared up by cutting way back on sugar and grain carbs and gradually increasing "doses" of kimchi.

 

Does withdrawal never end? I am SO sick of this!!!

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Administrator

Sleeping to heal sounds good to me. You may well be turning the corner, J.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Sleeping to heal sounds good to me. You may well be turning the corner, J.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Alto. I certainly need it right now!

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Jemima,

I hit that at about 6-9 months post Pristiq. Prior to that, I had energy via akathisia and anxiety (during taper and post taper).

I slept ALOT and it felt like I always needed more. When I had daytime hypersomnia previously, I had difficulty sleeping at night. I interpreted that to mean I did not need sleep. It's been different since withdrawal.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

This is a hard post to write.

 

My physical symptoms from antidepressant withdrawal seem to be pretty much over with except that I’m still sleeping a lot. At this point, I’m not sure if that’s a physical need or a manner of escape. In fact, I’m not sure how much of my current state of mind is still due to withdrawal.

 

Withdrawal, which I started within a few weeks of retiring, blew a big hole through my plans as I’ve been sick a lot of the time since then. And so now when it’s almost over with, I find that my life is quite empty and lonely because I was too screwed up to proceed with any plans. Having little use of my arms from Lipitor is also quite the monkey-wrench as some of the things I had planned to do were home improvements, such as wallpapering, and it limits what I can do in terms of volunteer work. I have an appointment to start physicial therapy next Monday, so here’s hoping my range of motion can be restored.

 

I’m groping for things to do so that I don’t end up spending days at a time sitting around the house reading or surfing. Yet, I don’t seem to have a lot of interest in former pursuits like sewing and volunteering with the poor and homeless. I’m scared. I wonder if my serotonin receptors are dead and might never come back, although I have had brief glimmers of happiness and satisfaction.

 

How I wish there were more people who succeeded in withdrawal posting on this board! I would so much like to get a grip on what is happening with me. I seem to go from anxiety over my situation to numbness, and even though rationally I know that things will change in time even if I do nothing, my gut is afraid this will never end!

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Jemima,

 

Whilst your physical symptoms of withdrawal may be over, it sounds like you might still have some emotional symptoms going on. We have to cling to the hope that our wonderful plastic brains (they adapted so well TO the drug) will heal and repair. It has only been the last decade or so that research is emerging that our adult brains are still plastic - we were fed the idea that plasticity is over after childhood - that was what was believed - a bit like the earth is flat all those centuries ago. It takes time for the new information to filter through the medical system.

 

Once when i was depressed, my doctor told me how important it was to do things that once gave me pleasure, even if they didn't at the time - because one day those neurons will start firing again and the pleasure will be back.

 

I think volunteering in some capacity would be great - it will give you social connectedness and a feeling of being useful - which will grow to satisfaction, which will grow to enjoyment.

Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

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Jemima,

 

That was the worst transition for me - from a hyperalert, revved up, anxious state to one of zero energy, interest, motivation. I'm sorry I dont have a good answer for you. For me, this state is unlike any prior to or during drugs. It is NOTHINGNESS and then guilt and fear of nothingness. I've had a difficult time remembering what I did to fill my days for so many years. You are transitioning to retirement also, so I suspect that is playing in. It's very hard to be unscheduled after having someplace to be all your life. Creating a purpose on a daily basis is challenging. Like you, I am not content or fulfilled surfing the internet or watching TV.

 

What im trying to say is... this is a stage of withdrawal, your physical body powering down to regenerate. I believe these drugs allowed us to power thru alot of life when we should have been slowing down and caring for ourselves. Not unlike Antiinflammatories that mask physical pain and allow people to continue using an injured body part, hurting it farther.

 

I frequently reread the anhedonia/lack of motivation thread for inspiration that this is very common.

 

Hugs.

B

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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What im trying to say is... this is a stage of withdrawal, your physical body powering down to regenerate. I believe these drugs allowed us to power thru alot of life when we should have been slowing down and caring for ourselves. Not unlike Antiinflammatories that mask physical pain and allow people to continue using an injured body part, hurting it farther.

 

 

Thanks, Barb. It's reassuring to know that this is just another stage of withdrawal and that it will pass. I've also come to realize how much my job cut me off from relationships and my community even before my pseudo-depression and months of withdrawal hell. It will take time to build a new life with meaning and purpose.

 

Why is it that everything worthwhile takes tons of patience and perserverance? Can't anything be easy??? :(

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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May I ask how you feel your job cut you off from social connections? I've felt that my LACK OF job for 10+ years cut me off because my social network usually stemmed from work relationships. Interesting to hear your perspective.

 

B

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • Moderator Emeritus

May I ask how you feel your job cut you off from social connections? I've felt that my LACK OF job for 10+ years cut me off because my social network usually stemmed from work relationships. Interesting to hear your perspective.

 

B

 

I worked as an auditor, which sometimes included long distance travel (such as nine months in Indianapolis while being allowed to come home only every other weekend) and even when I was working "locally", the distance to my work site often ate up hours every day. I had no life whatever during the week and very little in the way of free time on weekends. It's danged hard to make friends or get involved with much of anything under those circumstances. As for making friends at work, we were scattered all over the state in terms of residence, so getting together socially on any kind of regular basis was out of the question. The position had isolation built into it.

 

Not all jobs lend themselves to the kind of social life you apparently had, and I think you might find, ten years later, that the workplace isn't what it used to be. I've heard horror stories about how competitive and all consuming corporate life has become.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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That sounds very difficult, Jemima. I can understand now how that cut you off from your home and social life.

 

I always worked from home and could limit my exposure to others. I definitely would not have done well in a corporate home environment.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this challenging transition compounded by withdrawal, my friend.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hey, Jemima, I know it's very hard to build a life again within limitations, that's more or less what I'm doing.

 

Just do what you can. You can mourn your dreams, but take care of yourself in the present. Join book clubs or other types of social groups, you'll make friends or at least not feel so isolated. Being among non-threatening humans helps our brains to heal.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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"Life without limitations"... most people dream of this freedom. However, it is difficult to etch out a new purpose or plan having no constraints.

 

Uh oh, my existentialist is trying to surface ;)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hey, Jemima, I know it's very hard to build a life again within limitations, that's more or less what I'm doing.

 

Just do what you can. You can mourn your dreams, but take care of yourself in the present. Join book clubs or other types of social groups, you'll make friends or at least not feel so isolated. Being among non-threatening humans helps our brains to heal.

 

I've taken a few steps in that direction. Two Sundays ago I started going back to church for the first time since September of 2011 and I started Physical Therapy for the Lipitor damage to my arm muscles yesterday. The therapist thinks she can help me and that's an enormous relief as I was afraid of being told there was nothing that could be done except surgery or perhaps nothing at all. A church support and Bible study group for women called "Sisters" is scheduled for next Monday night and I plan to go to that, plus get involved in a women's ministry or two when they start up in September. It's possible that I'll end up involved in some things that don't suit me very well, but at this point I think it's important to just get out there, be with others, and do something worthwhile.

 

I've been slightly less lethargic since my last post and actually felt rather elated for half an hour or so after P.T. yesterday. Improvement just takes soooooooooooooooooooo long! (Or possibly it just seems that way because I'm watching so closely?)

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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That is such great news, and a real inspiration to the rest of us. Healing is hard work, but you can do it!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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That is such great news, and a real inspiration to the rest of us. Healing is hard work, but you can do it!

 

Thanks so much for the encouragement, Alto. I've been feeling so disgusted with myself for sleeping 10-11 hours a day and accomplishing very little beyond basic household chores that it's startling to think I might be an inspiration to others. I'll have to give that some thought. Perhaps my purpose in life for the time being is to just keep putting one foot in front of another and letting others here know how it's going.

 

I've always struggled with being too hard on myself, but withdrawal has been so very difficult because there are no benchmarks and so few medical types who will even admit that there is such a thing. Those circumstances make it so easy to blame oneself. It may be that this sort of sleep pattern is necessary for that last stretch of healing before the emotions come back, but no one knows.

 

And in case anyone thinks that you just make up your mind to start doing things again, it isn't so. It took me three Sundays to get out the door to church and two attempts to get to Physical Therapy, and the failures were painful. I still haven't been able to will myself to do anything I used to enjoy in hopes that some sense of satisfaction will return, although bit by bit I'm getting the TV set up again. (It's been disconnected for over a year because of still unfinished home improvement projects.)

 

It's been seven and a half months since my last dose of Lexapro, but it seems like that many years.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Administrator

Yep, one foot in front of the other, Jemima. It's a difficult lesson.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Excellent description, Jemima.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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