Nikki74: Lexapro mirtazapine diazepam akathisia

[Frogie]

51 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Thanks Frogie. Migraine has lifted today. I don’t take anymore for them as too wary of any pills now! I tend to slap a cold wet flannel on my head and massage around my eyes. 

 

Sorry about the anxiety you’ve got. 

 

Sending hugs, Nikki X

I'm glad it has lifted. I take Fiorecet when it gets where I can't stand it. 

 

My my anxiety is starting to subside, thanks for asking.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Nikki74]

31 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I'm glad it has lifted. I take Fiorecet when it gets where I can't stand it. 

 

My my anxiety is starting to subside, thanks for asking.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thanks Frogie. I’m glad the anxiety is starting to lessen, that’s great news!

 

Gosh I’m so drowsy everyday. I don’t know what’s wd and what’s the drugs. Makes it very hard to do anything productive or satisfying on top of the chronic fatigue. Feeling a little down about it all. 

 

Nikki x

[Frogie]

1 minute ago, Nikki74 said:

Thanks Frogie. I’m glad the anxiety is starting to lessen, that’s great news!

 

Gosh I’m so drowsy everyday. I don’t know what’s wd and what’s the drugs. Makes it very hard to do anything productive or satisfying on top of the chronic fatigue. Feeling a little down about it all. 

 

Nikki x

I'm sorry you are drowsy. Im not a dr or a mod, but it could be a combination of WD and the meds. I know I'm really lazy going through this. When I was taking the full amount of all my meds, I would jump out of bed ready to go for the day. Now I get up,and take my meds, and head for my chair. I know mine is WD.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling down. Just remember it's a new year and you are going to feel better. I keep telling myself that.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Nikki74]

1 hour ago, Frogie said:

I'm sorry you are drowsy. Im not a dr or a mod, but it could be a combination of WD and the meds. I know I'm really lazy going through this. When I was taking the full amount of all my meds, I would jump out of bed ready to go for the day. Now I get up,and take my meds, and head for my chair. I know mine is WD.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling down. Just remember it's a new year and you are going to feel better. I keep telling myself that.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thanks lovely Frogie.

 

Sorry to be such a downer. I’m genuinely staggering around drugged/drunk today. Have to squint my eyes to think! But the akathisia is there preventing any rest. Argh! 

 

Yes I hope for healing for us all this year!  X

[Frogie]

Just now, Nikki74 said:

Thanks lovely Frogie.

 

Sorry to be such a downer. I’m genuinely staggering around drugged/drunk today. Have to squint my eyes to think! But the akathisia is there preventing any rest. Argh! 

 

Yes I hope for healing for us all this year!  X

I try not to be a downer on here.

 

I am having a lot of anxiety today. And I get akasthisia in my knees of all places. Not fun. I know it's because I haven't seen my granddaughter yet for Christmas because her parents are too busy for me. I live 2 1/2 hours away. Out of site, out of mind. And this weekend we are going to spend the weekend with my fiancés parents. I'm looking forward to seeing his mom, but I have to leave my 16 year old chihuahua at my uncles. He only lives 10 minutes from them, but she won't be with me. It just makes my anxiety ramp up thinking about leaving the house for the weekend and leaving my dog. 

 

I haven't experienced the "drunk" feeling, but I get nauseous.

 

I hope for all of us to heal more this year!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Nikki74]

3 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I try not to be a downer on here.

 

I am having a lot of anxiety today. And I get akasthisia in my knees of all places. Not fun. I know it's because I haven't seen my granddaughter yet for Christmas because her parents are too busy for me. I live 2 1/2 hours away. Out of site, out of mind. And this weekend we are going to spend the weekend with my fiancés parents. I'm looking forward to seeing his mom, but I have to leave my 16 year old chihuahua at my uncles. He only lives 10 minutes from them, but she won't be with me. It just makes my anxiety ramp up thinking about leaving the house for the weekend and leaving my dog. 

 

I haven't experienced the "drunk" feeling, but I get nauseous.

 

I hope for all of us to heal more this year!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Oh Frogie I understand about leaving your dear doggy for the weekend and going away too. She’s your trusty companion!

 

I think if we can’t express ourselves on here without fear of being a downer though, where can we? It’s just honesty.

 

Gosh my agitation and anxiety just went up making a phone call! So I’m breathing and stroking my doggy now. 

 

I hooe you get to see your granddaughter soon! That’s tough.

 

Keep going Frogie, hugs from me X

[Frogie]

2 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Oh Frogie I understand about leaving your dear doggy for the weekend and going away too. She’s your trusty companion!

 

I think if we can’t express ourselves on here without fear of being a downer though, where can we? It’s just honesty.

 

Gosh my agitation and anxiety just went up making a phone call! So I’m breathing and stroking my doggy now. 

 

I hooe you get to see your granddaughter soon! That’s tough.

 

Keep going Frogie, hugs from me X

Thanks:

 

I will go see my dog a lot while I'm there! I can't ignore her.

 

It is tough not getting to see my granddaughter, but that is her parents choice. They would rather bowl in a tournament than see me and let my granddaughter have her Christmas presents. But I have no control over that.

 

I'm sorry you are having so much anxiety over a phone call, but completely understand. It happens to me too.

 

Feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Nikki74]

2 hours ago, Frogie said:

Thanks:

 

I will go see my dog a lot while I'm there! I can't ignore her.

 

It is tough not getting to see my granddaughter, but that is her parents choice. They would rather bowl in a tournament than see me and let my granddaughter have her Christmas presents. But I have no control over that.

 

I'm sorry you are having so much anxiety over a phone call, but completely understand. It happens to me too.

 

Feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

I’m really sorry about your granddaughter and her parents being so thoughtless. I expect she’s longing to see you Frogie xx

[Frogie]

Just now, Nikki74 said:

I’m really sorry about your granddaughter and her parents being so thoughtless. I expect she’s longing to see you Frogie xx

I'm trying to get an answer out of her mom now, but she tends to ignore me.

 

[Nikki74]

Just now, Frogie said:

I'm trying to get an answer out of her mom now, but she tends to ignore me.

 

I’m so sad for you Frogie. That’s the last thing you need. Would give you a hug if I could! 

[Frogie]

5 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

I’m so sad for you Frogie. That’s the last thing you need. Would give you a hug if I could! 

Thanks virtual hugs are great!

[Nikki74]

26 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Thanks virtual hugs are great!

🤗🤗🤗

[Frogie]

57 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

🤗🤗🤗

(((HUGS))) back!

[Nikki74]

Hi

 

I’m really struggling.

 

I’m using tools: self soothing, breathing, trying to distract, listening to nature sounds on YouTube, prayer, talking with others in recovery.

 

The drugged and drunken thing is becoming so frequent now. Particularly after 3pm into the night. But after my morning doses I lose the morning too. 

 

My agitation with the exhaustion and drugged staggering, cognitive difficulties and muscle weakness got so bad last night I just had to go cry in my room and I felt like I wanted to smash something up! I lay there trying not to punch my own forehead, just rubbing it with my fist in despair and depression. I’m a placid, calm person!!

 

Migraine is coming back this morning.

 

I have lumpy painful spots coming up on my face.

 

I have toothache (unable to get dentist appointment due to the system here and scared of treatment anyway). I’ve taken to brushing my teeth several times a day and flossing in order to avoid dental issues. But my teeth are in the worst shape since this drug mess began. 

 

A lower back issue I had has flared up the past month. It was bad when I was on pregabalin then calmed down but it’s back and agonising (I have a disc pressing on nerves). I use my heated pad for this but it doesn’t cure it.

 

I tried some gentle stretches but with the CFS and extra fatigue I suffer more when I do any kind of different ‘exertion’ however minimal.

 

I had been starting to feel I was getting some respite here and there for some hours of lowered symptoms. This was over the Christmas break when my son was  away. 

 

Depression has become a daily thing and often severe. At the flick of a switch it appears. 

 

I’ve been holding for three months.

 

I ct’d the pregabalin 7 months ago then all the rest of the messing followed.

 

I realise this is not enough time.

 

I am concerned about the diazepam and what it is doing to me. 

 

One good thing is I’ve stabilised on a set number of cigarettes since the start of the holidays (14 a day) and lowered by one cigarette a day to 13 a day. I hate smoking and ended up taking it up again when all this started. I’d like to gradually reduce to get down to maybe 9 a day max. 

 

 

[AliG]

1 hour ago, Nikki74 said:

 

The drugged and drunken thing is becoming so frequent now. Particularly after 3pm into the night. But after my morning doses I lose the morning too. 

 

 Hi Nikki. Can you please explain a little more about exactly what you mean by this. I'm away at the moment, so just very quickly checking in.

 

Do you mean after you take a 3 pm dose of Diazepam? How do you lose the morning? Symptoms? Can you tell us more?

[Staz]

2 hours ago, Nikki74 said:

I ct’d the pregabalin 7 months ago then all the rest of the messing followed

 

Don't underestimate how the pregabalin is affecting you Nikki. It's an awful drug that can take many months to heal from. I did a rapid taper and it was really tough. i don't think I'm over it yet by a long way.

Keep holding my hand.

Steve

xxx

[Nikki74]

1 hour ago, AliG said:

 

 Hi Nikki. Can you please explain a little more about exactly what you mean by this. I'm away at the moment, so just very quickly checking in.

 

Do you mean after you take a 3 pm dose of Diazepam? How do you lose the morning? Symptoms? Can you tell us more?

Thanks Ali.

 

So I take my lexapro and it makes me drowsy and I have to go back to bed, then at 9am I take my Diazepam dose and I’m knocked out until about 11am when I come round in a deep depression feeling heavy. I know I should be pleased for extra dozing/ sleep and I am grateful I get that but it’s not pleasant. 

 

I take my next diazepam at 1pm and around 3pm I get hit by incredible drowsiness, the drunk/drugged feeling. It’s hard to string words together and I can’t do anything.

 

I then take my 5pm diazepam and I struggle to make dinner.

 

Then the evenings are just a slog until bedtime. 

 

However under all this i still have akathisia as I can’t just relax or rest despite the drowsiness.

 

I hope that explains it a bit better. X

[Nikki74]

40 minutes ago, Staz said:

 

Don't underestimate how the pregabalin is affecting you Nikki. It's an awful drug that can take many months to heal from. I did a rapid taper and it was really tough. i don't think I'm over it yet by a long way.

Keep holding my hand.

Steve

xxx

Thanks Steve.

 

I was only on 100 or 150 (can’t recall) but yes such a powerful drug. Then the Lexapro ct after it... I don’t know if the reinstatement worked at all? If this is all pregabalin and the Zopiclone.

 

Im so drowsy and fatigued I’m not making much sense probably.

 

Feel like I have a sledgehammer knocking me out everyday.

 

Holding your hand too and thank you for writing. Yesterday I was barely with it and same today by looks of things. 

 

I know your son goes today so Im thinking of you xxx

[Staz]

38 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Thanks Steve.

 

I was only on 100 or 150 (can’t recall) but yes such a powerful drug. Then the Lexapro ct after it... I don’t know if the reinstatement worked at all? If this is all pregabalin and the Zopiclone.

 

Im so drowsy and fatigued I’m not making much sense probably.

 

Feel like I have a sledgehammer knocking me out everyday.

 

Holding your hand too and thank you for writing. Yesterday I was barely with it and same today by looks of things. 

 

I know your son goes today so Im thinking of you xxx

Hi Nikki,

I hope things improve for you during the day. Joe went at 7am this morning and I held it together but broke down badly after he'd gone.

Two years ago I had a good Christmas, a job and two great kids at home. We always had lovely Christmas times and it's gone now. I can't enjoy anything these days. If only I'd never gotten involved with psychiatrists.

Steve

xxxxx

[Nikki74]

7 minutes ago, Staz said:

Hi Nikki,

I hope things improve for you during the day. Joe went at 7am this morning and I held it together but broke down badly after he'd gone.

Two years ago I had a good Christmas, a job and two great kids at home. We always had lovely Christmas times and it's gone now. I can't enjoy anything these days. If only I'd never gotten involved with psychiatrists.

Steve

xxxxx

Thanks Steve but I’m in a bad wave I think and just holding on. Have to be in bed as too weak (but agitated!) to do anything. I’ve got a lump coming up in my ear now like the ones on my face! The gifts keep coming don’t they.

 

I understand how you feel. I really do. It’s heartbreaking. This has to get better. You’re doing so well getting off the seroquel. I wish I could start cutting the diazepam but you know my fears around that. 

 

I’m sorry your son’s gone. I know how painful it all is. I’m sending understanding and a big hug, even though I’m as floppy as a pancake! 

 

Keep in touch and hold onxxxx

[Staz]

2 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Thanks Steve but I’m in a bad wave I think and just holding on. Have to be in bed as too weak (but agitated!) to do anything. I’ve got a lump coming up in my ear now like the ones on my face! The gifts keep coming don’t they.

 

I understand how you feel. I really do. It’s heartbreaking. This has to get better. You’re doing so well getting off the seroquel. I wish I could start cutting the diazepam but you know my fears around that. 

 

I’m sorry your son’s gone. I know how painful it all is. I’m sending understanding and a big hug, even though I’m as floppy as a pancake! 

 

Keep in touch and hold onxxxx

I hope the wave passes over Nikki. I'd get to see a GP if you have lumps coming up. It almost sounds like an allergic reaction.

I'm down to 15mg Seroquel tonight and when that's over with 12mg of diazepam to taper from. It's so exhausting and like you I've no energy either.

Sending big hugs in return

xxxxxxxxx

[Nikki74]

5 minutes ago, Staz said:

I hope the wave passes over Nikki. I'd get to see a GP if you have lumps coming up. It almost sounds like an allergic reaction.

I'm down to 15mg Seroquel tonight and when that's over with 12mg of diazepam to taper from. It's so exhausting and like you I've no energy either.

Sending big hugs in return

xxxxxxxxx

Thanks Steve, for the hugs and advice.

 

They’re like painful spots but lumps under the skin. I’ve had the odd one before but not like this. I don’t think it’s an allergic thing but it’s kind of like some kind of toxins or a run down system maybe. 

 

Praying your taper goes well. Xxxxx

[Staz]

2 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Thanks Steve, for the hugs and advice.

 

They’re like painful spots but lumps under the skin. I’ve had the odd one before but not like this. I don’t think it’s an allergic thing but it’s kind of like some kind of toxins or a run down system maybe. 

 

Praying your taper goes well. Xxxxx

It could be your body reacting in some way or just things happening like this as you feel run down.

Thanks for your good wishes on my taper. I keep wanting to just bin the tablets but I know i need to be patient and drop a bit at a time.

xxxxxxxxxxx

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, Staz said:

It could be your body reacting in some way or just things happening like this as you feel run down.

Thanks for your good wishes on my taper. I keep wanting to just bin the tablets but I know i need to be patient and drop a bit at a time.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Don't bin them staz ,only recently ive read a couple of horror stories on the site after cold turkeys .we don't think it can get worse but it can .

[Staz]

Just now, powerback said:

Don't bin them staz ,only recently ive read a couple of horror stories on the site after cold turkeys .we don't think it can get worse but it can .

No I won't bin them. I feel like I want to but won't until a few months after I've stopped them.

[Nikki74]

20 minutes ago, Staz said:

No I won't bin them. I feel like I want to but won't until a few months after I've stopped them.

I totally understand! Just taken my 1pm diazepam and trying to make peace with taking these things every time I do. 

 

Wish I could go back and never ct what I did. 

 

Anyway, I understand the thoughts! Xxx

[Staz]

1 hour ago, Nikki74 said:

I totally understand! Just taken my 1pm diazepam and trying to make peace with taking these things every time I do. 

 

Wish I could go back and never ct what I did. 

 

Anyway, I understand the thoughts! X

It's been a black day Nikki. I'm really struggling and thinking of getting my self admitted to hospital for my own safety. I feel really beaten by this now and am clinging on but so close to the edge. The guilt I feel for having these black thoughts is terrible as I love my wife and children so. I really don't know what to do for the best.

My advice to you would be get off of diazipam before it destroys your life Nikki. I'd hate you to have to go through what I'm suffering.

xx

[AliG]

Staz. Please do anything you possibly can to stay safe. Have you posted on your thread ? if not - please do. It is a skeleton staff at the moment ~ and I'm also on holidays : just checking in , but I'm very concerned about you.

 

Do you have some form of counselling/ family/ friends to turn to? I hope that you do but in the last instance ~ even hospital can be safer than battling it out on your own with no real on - ground support. 

Let us know how you are going. Keep posting if it helps. There is support here and we understand.

 

Sorry to take over your thread, Nikki.

[Nikki74]

28 minutes ago, Staz said:

It's been a black day Nikki. I'm really struggling and thinking of getting my self admitted to hospital for my own safety. I feel really beaten by this now and am clinging on but so close to the edge. The guilt I feel for having these black thoughts is terrible as I love my wife and children so. I really don't know what to do for the best.

My advice to you would be get off of diazipam before it destroys your life Nikki. I'd hate you to have to go through what I'm suffering.

xx

Steve, very concerned here too like Ali, please stay safe, hold on, keep sharing. Do what you need to do to stay safe. Just posting quickly in response xxxxx holding your hand very tightly 

[Nikki74]

I want to get off the diazepam I really do.

[Nikki74]

23 minutes ago, AliG said:

Staz. Please do anything you possibly can to stay safe. Have you posted on your thread ? if not - please do. It is a skeleton staff at the moment ~ and I'm also on holidays : just checking in , but I'm very concerned about you.

 

Do you have some form of counselling/ family/ friends to turn to? I hope that you do but in the last instance ~ even hospital can be safer than battling it out on your own with no real on - ground support. 

Let us know how you are going. Keep posting if it helps. There is support here and we understand.

 

Sorry to take over your thread, Nikki.

No problem Ali, I’m glad you’re there. 

[Staz]

Thank you Nikki and Ali.

I'm just not sure how much more I can take. Hospital would just be more drugs and inhuman conditions. I vowed never to go back as they wrecked me in the first place. I'm scared, really scared and don't know what to do but I'm worried of what I'm capable of.

My wife should be home any minute. Just need to hang on.

[Nikki74]

6 minutes ago, Staz said:

Thank you Nikki and Ali.

I'm just not sure how much more I can take. Hospital would just be more drugs and inhuman conditions. I vowed never to go back as they wrecked me in the first place. I'm scared, really scared and don't know what to do but I'm worried of what I'm capable of.

My wife should be home any minute. Just need to hang on.

Yes hang on Steve. 

 

Your son left today, you’ve been on your own, you’ve cut the seroquel, it’s a lot and you were severely depressed anyway. If you can hold on and try not to add guilt to what you’re feeling too. No one wants to be without you. I know it’s torture. I don’t know what to say about hospital but you must do whatever to stay but Home is safe for you if you can take it a minute at a time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt as you do. I understand. You are not alone.

[Staz]

8 minutes ago, Nikki74 said:

Your son left today, you’ve been on your own, you’ve cut the seroquel, it’s a lot and you were severely depressed anyway. If you can hold on and try not to add guilt to what you’re feeling too. No one wants to be without you. I know it’s torture. I don’t know what to say about hospital but you must do whatever to stay but Home is safe for you if you can take it a minute at a time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt as you do. I understand. You are not alone.

Thank you Nikki.

xxxxxx

[Nikki74]

9 minutes ago, Staz said:

Thank you Nikki.

xxxxxx

Let me know when your wife is home xxxxx

[Staz]

She's home now.

xxxx