littleball: I want to go back to what I used to be

[littleball]

16 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

However, if you have pain while urinating, have you seen a urologist? That sounds like a urinary tract problem.

 

 

Yes, many times before, they could only gave me Cipro, thinking it was an infection. I've done plenty of tests and I have pain also when they are negative.The doctor who diagnosed vulvodynia actually is both urologist and neurologist and I trust him: the problem is in the nerves and in the muscles. 

 

Ok, actually Fava and your opinion made me change my mind a little bit, I read also some Ashton papers about benzo protracted WD effects, where she says that paresthesia is nothing to worry about, it's just hypersensitivity. Thank you, Alto. I will try magnesium oil, then. 

 

I will wait and start this supplements cure. I hope that in 6 months I'll be a bit better, otherwise you will have me here freaking out once again haha

[Altostrata]

Not sure what you mean by supplements cure. Magnesium may take the edge off some of your symptoms.

[Pepita]

8 hours ago, littleball said:

 

Yes, many times before, they could only gave me Cipro, thinking it was an infection. I've done plenty of tests and I have pain also when they are negative.The doctor who diagnosed vulvodynia actually is both urologist and neurologist and I trust him: the problem is in the nerves and in the muscles. 

 

Ok, actually Fava and your opinion made me change my mind a little bit, I read also some Ashton papers about benzo protracted WD effects, where she says that paresthesia is nothing to worry about, it's just hypersensitivity. Thank you, Alto. I will try magnesium oil, then. 

 

I will wait and start this supplements cure. I hope that in 6 months I'll be a bit better, otherwise you will have me here freaking out once again haha

Hi there,

I don't know if this is the same but I tend to have unexplainable issues with feeling my bladder etc. - it always happens in really stressfull times so I guess it must be the nerves;) it feels so uncomfortable sometimes I think THERE MUST BE SOMETHING wrong but as always - I am perfectly healthy. That sucks hahahaha. No, just joking but in the past 8 years I never had anything explained by a doctor, sometimes I feel stupid. 

Anyway- as for everything else, sensibility etc. I am telling you! it get's better!!! Really!!! I have long windows where I forget I ever had WD. the problem is, when you are in this dreadful pleace you only focus on that and it feels like forever and it   certainly makes things a lot worse. I know, you've been told so before and blablabla but yes. There's nothing more to say. You gotta learn to deal in another way - as soon as you are able to "let this go" a little you will feel more at ease, promise!

[littleball]

On 7/27/2018 at 1:02 AM, Altostrata said:

Not sure what you mean by supplements cure. Magnesium may take the edge off some of your symptoms.

With supplements I mean Vitamin B12 and this https://farmacialoreto.it/smp-pharma-etinerv-integratore-alimentare-30-compresse which were prescribed by the urologist. Magnesium does seems to have a placebo effect on me which is ephemeral though, I can't take more than a half of a teaspoon otherwise my stomach starts gurgling.

 

Thanks also to Pepita, you're always wise and I like reading your words full of tenderness  I really hope it is as what you say, because I feel I am worsening. It's been two months since I started to slowly getting worse to the point I feel I can't stand it anymore.

Really I am going crazy, suicidal thoughts, turmoil and crying spells have come back.

I feel I am about to break down, like I am on a knife edge. I have never felt like this before in my life except while experiencing "poop out" and during the acute waves of last year.

[Altostrata]

We suggest taking magnesium citrate or glycinate in small doses throughout the day. A half-teaspoon at a time is probably too much at once.

 

I believe we already discussed reinstating a very small amount, such as 1mg, of Prozac?

[littleball]

3 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

I believe we already discussed reinstating a very small amount, such as 1mg, of Prozac?

No, I was never to the point of reinstating, but now I am thinking about it. 

Fortunately next week I am going on holiday for two weeks and so I would like to wait if I can get some relief first. I have always been stress intolerant, working 8 hours per day would have been a tough challenge even if I wasn't in WD. Not that I really "work", I just stay there pretending doing something. 

You see, now 10 minutes after writing this desperate message, I am calm (wonder how much it will last). 10 minutes ago I wanted to kill myself. And so many times today at work. This can't be normal.

 

I got these crazy mood swings since taking Effexor the first time, while Zoloft made me feel deeply depressed all the time. 

[Altostrata]

You're going to have to make a bigger effort to stay calm during waves.

 

Please be sure to read ALL the links we give you.

 

On 7/21/2018 at 12:06 PM, Altostrata said:

You might give fish oil and magnesium a try for a while. How much magnesium did you take?

 

Whether you have withdrawal syndrome or adverse effects from ciprofloxin, a belief that you are doomed is not going to help you. If you have withdrawal syndrome, it will make recovery that much more difficult. If you believe you have been floxxed, you will need to join another Web forum to discuss it -- we don't know anything about that here.

 

Getting 7-8 hours of sleep is pretty good for withdrawal syndrome. The inability to get back to sleep is a very, very common symptom. Are you feeling better or worse than you did in February?

 

Read

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization 

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

The importance of feeling good

 

Creating a new self after withdrawal

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome)

 

What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

[littleball]

We have persistent withdrawal symptoms, but how about persistent side effects? Can they last indefinitely even after discontinuing the drug? Are they sign of neurotoxicity?

 

 

The most brutal symptoms I have are: mind chatting, racing thoughts, lack of motivation, ocd, malaise/weird feeling and crazy mood swings/bipolarism, but I got them immediately after starting AD (especially Effexor). I stayed on them more than 2 years because of the doctors will. I was kind of black mailed for this. They said: "If you want to do therapy with me you have to take them, otherwise I can't cure you" . The reason why I've always wanted to come off the drugs since the very beginning was to get rid of those sides. I quitted and I still have them with no improvement, like I feel l am still taking the drugs, plus I have withdrawal symptoms. How is it possible?? I am 17 months off of Effexor, fast taper. 

[ChessieCat]

Side effects are what you get when you take a drug.  Generally the side effects lessen or go when the amount of drug is reduced or you stop taking the drug.  Withdrawal symptoms can occur even after a person is off the drug.  This is because the drug caused changes in the brain.  The withdrawal symptoms happen because the brain is trying to regain homeostasis, or factory settings.

 

These might help you to understand:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

and

 

From What is Happening in Your Brain

 

"Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 
And just like the Twin Towers- it's possible - but the building is a major effort -and it takes a good year or more sometimes."

[littleball]

17 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Side effects are what you get when you take a drug.  Generally the side effects lessen or go when the amount of drug is reduced or you stop taking the drug.

My point was... is it possible that they don't lessen even far away out?

[RusTW]

 last night I was going over my medication history and when this all began. mine started with Cipro. I was on about a thousand mg per day for about a month until my body broke down and I developed a systemic yeast infection in my whole body during that time I felt like something changed in my body or I changed I didn't realize that Cipro can affect your nervous system. Then I was put on Diflucan 100 mg per day for 15 days which is super high dose and then develop candida die off then I cold turkey from Ativan after taking it for a month that lasted for a week and then I reinstated and tapered off later. I thought I was going to die After a while I seemed to stabilize in my immune system gained its strength back during that time I was put on Zyprexa for sleeping. The Zyprexa was changed Seroquel and then I cold turkey that and reinstated after 3 weeks and here I am now in withdraws worried that the Cipro started everything. I'm worried that I broke my system down taking the Cipro and then adding all the psych meds to it and then cold turkey

[Spruce30]

It sounds like you are suffering from PSSD RE the sexual problems. It can take a long time to go away.

[Rbvdk]

On 8/3/2018 at 6:08 PM, littleball said:

I stayed on them more than 2 years because of the doctors will. I was kind of black mailed for this. They said: "If you want to do therapy with me you have to take them, otherwise I can't cure you" . The reason why I've always wanted to come off the drugs since the very beginning was to get rid of those sides. 

Just have to say this is literally what happened to me last year except I was at a Crisist Team for being suicidal and they literally sent me home straight away without helping as soon as I said I wasn't taking any ADs... 😕

By the way what are your urine symptoms now? Hope you're doing well!

[littleball]

On 8/8/2018 at 10:28 AM, Rbvdk said:

Just have to say this is literally what happened to me last year except I was at a Crisist Team for being suicidal and they literally sent me home straight away without helping as soon as I said I wasn't taking any ADs... 😕

By the way what are your urine symptoms now? Hope you're doing well!

Hello Rbvdk,

I think that urine symptoms are unrelated to WD. I have vulvodynia, which is a disease itself, I will start soon physiotherapy for this. Check this out if you are a female and have urinary problems. 

 

[jonnypeters1234567]

On 8/4/2018 at 5:15 PM, littleball said:

My point was... is it possible that they don't lessen even far away out?

I have that aswell Littleball, it feels like im still on the drug at times. 14 months off citalopram. I havent seen many people mention it

[jonnypeters1234567]

I have ocd, compulsions

[littleball]

12 minutes ago, jonnypeters1234567 said:

I have that aswell Littleball, it feels like im still on the drug at times. 14 months off citalopram. I havent seen many people mention it

 

Hello Jonny, 

 

I see you are young just like me. I too haven't seen people talking about it here, I've tried to start a topic about this specific phenomena in the Symptoms section, but one of the admins merged it with my intro. 

 

I really want to believe the theory that the sides we got from the drugs were a sign of neurotoxicity and that we eventually will recover from this stuff.  Like Alto and my doctor said, ADs when given to young people can be overstimulating. 

 

My feeling is that nothing really changed from when I used to take the drugs, plus I have additional withdrawal symptoms. 

[jonnypeters1234567]

The drug worked fine for me the first time I took it, then i went back on and then it gradually got weirder and weirder- like i was stimulated all the time, compulsions, ocd- i think it is poop out. Mine come and go, and the compulsions arent as bad as my first year off. When the drug pooped out i developed a compulsion to gambling (never been a gambler in my life) i still had some compulsions in my first year off, but that has diminished. So shows signs of healing.

[jonnypeters1234567]

5 minutes ago, littleball said:

 

Hello Jonny, 

 

I see you are young just like me. I too haven't seen people talking about it here, I tried to started a topic about this specific phenomena in the Symptoms section, but one of the admins merged it with my intro. 

 

I really want to believe the theory that the sides we got from the drugs were a sign of neurotoxicity and that we eventually will recover for this stuff.  Like Alto and my doctor said, ADs when given to young people can be overstimulating. 

 

My feeling is that nothing really changed from when I used to take the drugs, plus I have additional withdrawal symptoms. 

Yes i have daily feelings exactly like being back on the drug, like a 'fake happiness'

[littleball]

1 minute ago, jonnypeters1234567 said:

Yes i have daily feelings exactly like being back on the drug, like a 'fake happiness'

 

Glad to find someone who has a similar feeling! I too have ocd and mood swings, bouts of optimism. 

[jonnypeters1234567]

how are you today?

[jonnypeters1234567]

i want to know if other people have this, or are their windows- how they were pre drug??

[littleball]

1 minute ago, jonnypeters1234567 said:

how are you today?

 

better than yesterday, but lots of malaise and weird feelings, and you? 

[jonnypeters1234567]

pretty much the same

[littleball]

I can't make it. It's too much. Thinking of reinstating some amount of Prozac. After all, I had felt a little bit better while taking 10 mg. 

 

I know there's pretty nothing I or you can do.

 

I am thinking of quitting my job. I don't think I can go on "fudgelling" anymore because brain fog, deep depression, malaise and extreme lack of motivation prevent me to work. Staying there 8 hours per day aggravates my suffering. Now I am on holiday and I am completely terrified of getting back to work in less than a week, I've reached a point of no return and I started just 7 months ago (it is my very first job). Not that I am enjoying the 

But...

Who's going to take care of me? Both financially and emotionally. 

Nobody seems to understand:

-my mom is a crazy toxic psychotic person devastated by 40 years of psychiatric cures

-I don't get along with my dad, just hearing his voice makes me sick and he doesn't even have money for my stepbrothers. He thinks I am weak and crazy because "it runs in the family", told me so

-my uncle is the only relative I can count on but inspite of him being a doctor he thinks I don't have anything and that it's just anxiety. And he is a bit surly, he often uses harsh words and used to treat my mom badly when she was going crazy or was having crashes. 

 

 

I cried all day, thought about ending it, I had some mood swings where I started to feel like I was on stimulants.

I hope this wave is so tough because I am in PMS. 

 

In the last months, I developed digestive problems. I am now aware of them because they are getting worse, I have some sort of reflux whatever meal I have and I have troubles in speaking because my throat aches constantly. This is too much.

 

Q: What would you do with the job if you were me? I need some advice. If you want to tell me your own experience I would appreciate.

 

If they see me from the outside, nobody will suspect that I suffer so hard, so it would be difficult to justify my choice and not to look like a spoiled, troubled, mentally unstabled or weak at the same time.

Nobody would understand what I have.

I have high pressure and expectations on me and this would be once again a crash. I started having crashes when taking the ADs, of course.

Before I was a witty sometimes moody girl, who pushed it hard to achieve her goals. Now I don't know, I think I am a burden who needs caring. Like taking 2 years off doing yoga, runs, therapy and stuff, with no responsibilities.

 

I want to give up because this is not worth the suffering. Going to work makes me suffer even more. But I need the money and I need to gain some experience. It's a torture. 

 

Just argued with my boyfriend because I was feeling like crap and he asked me why. Then I tried to explain to him what I was feeling. Sometimes I have troubles even to describe it. He didn't understand and he said that the reason is that I don't try enough. I went mad, answered him back and I hung up the phone. 

[Altostrata]

On 7/31/2018 at 12:42 PM, Altostrata said:

We suggest taking magnesium citrate or glycinate in small doses throughout the day. A half-teaspoon at a time is probably too much at once.

 

I believe we already discussed reinstating a very small amount, such as 1mg, of Prozac?

 

If you want to try Prozac again, do not take a normal dose. You might start with 1mg, even that could be enough. You may not have to quit your job.

[littleball]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

If you want to try Prozac again, do not take a normal dose. You might start with 1mg, even that could be enough. You may not have to quit your job.

 

Yes sorry I was taking it for granted!

What about klonopin? Fava says I can take it when needed and that it has a mood stabilizer effect.

Why here do you suggest lamictal instead of klonopin? Why does he say that 0.5 mg are not addictive? I've seen many stories of addiction to clonazepam.

 

 

Sorry also for writing this long, I needed to vent, I don't expect you people to give me a feedback, it's just to put my thoughts into writing.

[Altostrata]

I believe I've explained this before.

 

I regret to say that Dr. Fava is incorrect about clonazepam. The dosage doesn't matter. If you take it regularly, you probably will become dependent on it. It is addictive. You may want to take larger dosages. After a while, people often tend to get adverse reactions from it. Then they have big problems tapering it, because it has a terrible withdrawal syndrome, too.

 

Lamictal or lamotrigine is not addictive. A small amount, such as 1mg a day, may accomplish the same thing as Klonopin. It does not have the adverse reactions that Klonopin has. If you take it for a long time, you will need to taper it.

 

A reinstatement of 1mg Prozac may be the most effective way to reduce your symptoms, if they are withdrawal symptoms from Prozac. If it works, you would stabilize on it for some months, then taper off by tiny amounts. Since you took this drug before, it is probably the safest option, you are familiar with it.

 

Please show your consideration for my time by re-reading the 4 pages of your topic to see our discussions about this and do not ask me to repeat the explanations.

[littleball]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

consideration for my time by re-reading the 4 pages of your topic to see our discussions about this and do not ask me to repeat the explanations.

 

Sorry Alto, I know this topic by heart, but we never talked about the difference between the two. I could have made some research, of course, so I apologize for being lazy this time. Now it's clear to me. Thank you.

 

It's difficult to choose who to listen, either the forum or the doctor, sometimes I am caught between two fires, but I think you have the best experience. 

[Altostrata]

My apologies, littleball, I repeat explanations so often!

 

Lamotrigine is safer than a benzo, but tricky because you have to be careful to start at a very low dose and titrate up by small amounts. If you start at too high a dose for your own tolerance, you can get side effects that will convince you that it isn't good. But it can be quite beneficial in the dose that's right.

 

Before trying another drug, these supplements may help with the pins and needles:

On 7/20/2018 at 6:51 PM, Altostrata said:

....

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

 

Magnesium works best in small amounts throughout the day. To get the full fish oil benefit, people often have to take 6 capsules a day.

 

Do you do stretching exercises? They can help with the physical symptoms, too.

[littleball]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Magnesium works best in small amounts throughout the day. To get the full fish oil benefit, people often have to take 6 capsules a day.

  

Do you do stretching exercises? They can help with the physical symptoms, too.

6 capsules? That's why maybe I didn't notice any difference, I used to take 2 for a while. 

 

My problem is that I have trouble in achieving regular assumption of supplements, I am often forgetful.

This is work in progress, so many things I know I have to work on, but it's part of my personality to procrastinate, being inconclusive or to have a passive behaviour. It's a lifetime challenge of good intentions abandoned soon after. 

 

I started Vitamin B12 50 mcg daily ten days ago but no differences, since then. Got to update my signature maybe.

[Altostrata]

50mcg of vitamin B12 is a very, very small dosage. You may wish to gradually add 50mcg every week. The usual dosage is 1000mcg per day, but it is naturally stored in your liver, so after a while you have plenty of B12 stored up and you can take 50mcg per day again.

 

If you get a bad reaction from any dosage of vitamin B12, reduce it. Your body needs to get used to it gradually.

[Rbvdk]

On 8/13/2018 at 3:41 PM, littleball said:

Hello Rbvdk,

I think that urine symptoms are unrelated to WD. I have vulvodynia, which is a disease itself, I will start soon physiotherapy for this. Check this out if you are a female and have urinary problems. 

 

Hey! Sorry for the late reply. I'm starting to think they're unrelated too, I know someone who has the same symptoms and hasn't been on ADs. We both got it after a UTI though. I was thinking about vulvonydia but I didn't know it could affect urine. My thought though was that the withdrawals caused vulvoydnia, if that's possible? Since they seem to cause other kinds of nerve damage.

Thanks for replying. Hope you're doing well.

[littleball]

WARNING: Long NEGATIVE update, don't read this if you are at the beginning of your journey.

 

Ok, my condition has slowly got worse compared to 6 months ago. I attribute this still to Effexor withdrawal and to the stress brought by a job I don't like and commits me 8 hours a day.

 

I didn't reinstate any med but I gave fish oil a try. It's been two weeks since I am taking 2 capsules of 600 mg EPA + DHA. I haven't seen changes yet, it seems I can tolerate them, then I will try to increase the dosage.

 

I feel my nervous system is weaker and more fragile than ever. 

My sleep is bad once again ( I wake up at 4 or 5), mornings are awful. Bad digestion is now chronic almost independently from what I eat, aloe Vera has not given me relief so far. The acid reflux is destroying my throat and makes me difficult to sleep (this has been going on for at least 6 months). 

I am apathetic, full of negative and suicidal thoughts, I don't even want to spend time with my boyfriend, while some months ago I couldn't wait for it. When I get home I don't do anything, absolutely. 

My thinking process is still compromised: thoughts are running confused, they don't seem like mine, they irritate me.

 

This process started in June and as these months have gone by the nerves are getting weaker and more painful. In the last few weeks I had several breakdowns, when you feel cracked you know. I recovered a bit and then this weekend another bit of a crash. 

 

Paresthesia has not improved at all, I am close to one year of having it, it really seems strange that it didn't diminish. These days I am all on fire, from the bottom to the top.

I found a correlation between the burning sensations and my horrible mood, does it make sense? It seems that when I am on fire like this, I am as negative, suffering, tight and nervous ever. 

 

I am doing physical therapy for vulvodynia. The contracture has started to improve slowly but the nerves down there are still on fire and there is no cure I can take for them. My BF came back from abroad after I got diagnosed. We tried to have sex like we always did before but when I felt the burn, I associated it to vulvodynia and I got myself traumatized, I cracked and it took me 2 days to feel normal. Now when I think about sex I have this horrible fear/anxiety, down in my nerves. So I can't have sex anymore, not in this condition at least. I am afraid this will take my away from my boyfriend. We get along well, he seems to love me, I love him, but these days I am feeling detached, irritable, always complaining, negative in general, not a good person to be with at the moment.

 

 

So, at the beginning, when the acute phases had just resolved, I thought I was one of the luckiest cases as after all I was functioning. 

Now... I don't know. I haven't showed consistent improvement this year, actually I am moving to a darker place and getting sicker which doesn't seem to pass like the other things did.

I am having a hard time accepting this state. I know I have to, but I can't. It's not part of my personality not to worry about, accept adversities peacefully and so on. I still have to learn, I wish I could.

 

At the beginning it was somehow easier as the symptoms were fast changing. Now I am stuck in the same place, actually I got worse. 

There is always the very feeling of throwing away my twenties. Oh my god. I am throwing away what is supposed to be the best decade of my life. 

 

I talked with Fava on the phone and he gave me some hope, but he said that "I am still in the middle of a tempest", which is true. 

 

I said myself I can go on with this stuff one year more. Enough. But what if I was actively making things worse with my negativity? 

[Melissa5000]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much!

 

I feel intense burning pain since the beginning of april 2018. I updosed some meds and it improved only a little bit. When I burn a lot my mood goes down! So I recognise this!

I feel then worried about my future, afraid I will never heal, depressed because the pain stops me from doing the simplest chores, it disables me so much that I cannot walk any more ore use my hands. I can then only sit down and rest and suffer the pain. Sometimes for days. I get thoughts about suicide. Then the cryingspells start, I can cry over nothing then, like bad news in the newspaper. The burning I feel is the most in my hand/feet/arms/legs. But when I do a little chore too much My entire core burns too.My throat, stomach and gut start to burn. 

And then I get a storm of burning nervepain all over my body! I know it is horrible. 

 

When I tapered in februari 2018 I got many symptoms and pain. But in april 2018 I got delayed withdrawals. The pain got so bad that I had to updose. 

 

On 9/8/2018 at 11:05 AM, littleball said:

But what if I was actively making things worse with my negativity? 

 

 

I wondered about this too. But I always get the burning symptoms FIRST and just after it my mood goes down.

 

Trying to stay as positive as you can is however always a good thing. 

 

Take care!

[littleball]

On 10/9/2018 at 3:08 PM, Melissa5000 said:

When I burn a lot my mood goes down! 

I get this pattern too. It might be because we can't accept our pain. But how could we?

Our mood is worse when we get pain, like for everyone else, except our kind of pain is kind of frightening, really intense and debilitating, chronic of course and we overreact to it because of WD. 

 

 

I am no better. I am physically a zombie, inspite of fish oil (2 to 3 600 mg capsules). Anxiety is back. I have extreme concern about my condition and about vulvodynia which is getting worse with PT and don't know if this should be like this (I used to be able to have sex now I don't). I am worried about my relationship, I can't have sex because of vulvodynia and anxiety, sometimes I have very little interest in life, my love is fading. Why is it getting worse? No I am no better compared to 6 months ago. This year has been a downward spiral. When I look back at the end of last year I think I was better, with some acute symptoms the faded away pretty fast. Now it's just horrible and it doesn't seem to end. Nostalgia is overwhelming, even nostalgia of last year when I was acute. 

 

Want to reassure people that it got worse also because this year many stressors added up:

1. Vulvodynia diagnosis which was made worse by treatment.

2. Difficulties in my relationship: we spent 8 months distant from each other and we losed intimacy both because of my multiple conditions and the distance. 

3. My boyfriend is losing is hair pretty quickly at this point and this causes me a lot of obsessive thinking and irrational fear. I don't want to offend anyone. 

4. I started working and I don't like this job at all, it makes me sick. I am planning to change even if I am afraid to.