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Waterfall: introduction


Waterfall

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Had trouble settling last night. 

Lots of anxiety and panic yesterday. 

Fell asleep about 11:20.  

Woke up again just short of 6:15 with a horrible cortisol spike. 

Worst I've had in a long time. 

 

First thing I was aware of was my heart pounding. 

Then my chest hurting. 

Then I was hot and my feet were burning, 

then my hands.  

So then it was a fight to lay still and calm.  

But there was no going back to sleep this morning.  

 

I did manage to get up and do a little bit of tidying. 

I didn't get anything done yesterday.  

Thankfully my husband has been able to do the bus run.  

But I'm frustrated that I didn't do it yesterday aft, or this morning. 

Today is sports day for the kids, and I'm missing it.  

 

After I got a few things done,

and ate a slice of toast with egg for breakfast, 

I took a nap in my chair.  

It really is hard for me to hold still. 

But it seems that if I do, I fall asleep. 

 

Anyway.  Now I have to try get lunch for me and the little dude. 

Did I mention that I am bummed to be missing sports day? 

For the skinny dude, it's his first.  

The dudette would love it if I was there.  

The big dude?  Well, he just wishes it wasn't sports day at all. 

If anything, he's glad it's today, so that it will be over by tomorrow. 

Silly guy.  I used to love sports day, myself. 

Back when I could actually run... 

 

Not that I ever had a lot of stamina, 

but I came from a small school, and did okay. 

My best was the triple jump.  

And I was okay in a sprint too. 

My worst was the endurance runs, 

and the arm strength stuff, like shot put.  

I was always better with accuracy and with 

things that involved my legs, more than my arms. 

Though I used to be able to lift 50 lbs, at least. 

When I used to have a production job, running machines. 

 

But I can't do any of that now.  

I can barely do the dishes and the laundry. 

And supervise my kids.  

I wish I could have more kids, 

but getting pregnant again would probably do me in.  

I can barely survive doing almost nothing. 

 

Sigh. 

 

At least I'm not panicking non-stop today. 

The nap was nice.  

Except the crick I got in my neck.  

And the fact that my chest and legs still hurt... 

 

But on the whole, I'm a bit better than yesterday. 

I was dreading having another day like yesterday. 

The whole last three days have been pretty rough. 

I just have to see if I can catch up on laundry and dishes.  

 

And I have to remind myself that my parents weren't always at MY sports day, 

and there aren't picture records of everything that -I- did, 

and I still have good memories of those things, 

and I'm none the worse for wear from missing what I feel my kids are missing today. 

I'm sure they'll tell me all about it when they get home.  

 

Stiff upper lip, girl.  

Life will go on.  

And I -will- feel better again.  

I will.  

I will. 

If I keep saying it, maybe I'll believe it. 

And if I make it through today. 

And tomorrow.

 

One of these days, I get a window. 

And then I get another one.  

And then more of them. 

And they get longer, 

and better, 

and more frequent, 

until someday, 

it's not what I think about every day. 

And life goes on.  

 

So there!  Take -that- doldrums!

 

(Man, listening to me, you'd never know how often I wish I could quit, 

or that I was laying in bed, dreaming up plans to go to the ER, 

dreams where they would actually find something wrong, and they

would fix it, and I'd finally feel better, and... then I'd run into the fact

that no, they won't even test me for anything, they'll say it's all in my

head, and it's just a chemical imbalance, and clearly I need drugs, 

and... then it becomes a nightmare, and.... yeah.)

 

So hey, here's hoping you're all having a better day out there!

Even just a tiny bit better than yesterday, 

one little bit better at a time, 

at a manageable level, 

until we find we're living life again.  

Without thinking about withdrawal all the time.  

 

Look out world!

Here I ... hobble!!!

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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  • Waterfall

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Hi, your humor is always there.  I love that.

 

Crummy day for me, too, but here I hobble . . . 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Hi, your humor is always there.  I love that.

 

Crummy day for me, too, but here I hobble . . . 

 

Thank you, Rosetta.  

My sense of humour is a treasure, that I, um... treasure!  

I'm glad that even in this mess, I can make people smile.  

You made me smile too. 

 

I was just reading a post on 'how long is withdrawal going to take' 

written by brassmonkey.  

And when I came to the part about 'tachyphylaxis' or 'poopout'.  

I really wish someone would help me figure out if I'm just 

struggling with 'regular' withdrawal, or if I could have poopout 

on my benzo. 

The only drug I'm still on is clonazepam.  A benzo.  

If only I'd read that post a long time ago, I like to think my 

journey would have looked much different.  

I had no idea how bad an idea a CT is.  

I did mine totally not know.  When I tried to go off clonazepam, 

there was still so much that I didn't know, that I hadn't read yet. 

But now I've been holding for 5 months, and it feels like things 

have only been getting worse for the last 2 1/2 - 3 months.  

So, do I keep waiting, before tapering the benzo? 

Or should I start tapering sooner, because I'm in poopout, 

and tapering will actually help overall? 

I really don't want to do anything to make things worse. 

I'm really struggling enough already. 

And I have no idea how to answer the question:
Is it just withdrawal, or is it poopout?  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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Hi Waterfall,

Im so sorry to hear you are having such challenging days!!  You are so strong and resilient and your humor is one of the sails of your boat plowing through the waves!  You are so special and I hope tomorrow is a bit better again!! Take care!

RABE

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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Looks like I didn't post the rest of my day yesterday.  

That was dumb, because I'm already forgetting what it was like. 

I know it was a bit better than the day before.  

I really need to come up with a better, more reliable way to keep track of my symptoms.  

And stick with it.  

 

I managed to go out for the bus run in the afternoon, 

which I could not bring myself to try the day before.  

And it went well enough.  

Got my laundry done in the evening (with some help from my Mom!)

Fell asleep around 11:30.  

Not sure what time I woke up.  

I laid in bed without looking at the time, until almost 8:00.  

 

Heart pounding in bed before I got up.  

Since I got up, I've had a bit of the runs.  

Had heartburn until I ate some breakfast.  

Had a pancake (plain,  no syrup!) and bacon for breakfast. 

Not sure that was the best, but it was what my husband was serving. 

Still feeling somewhat nauseated.  

Medium headache.  

Tongue hasn't been bothering me much anymore, 

and teeth had been doing better, but they 

flared up again last night, and are bad again this morning. 

Milder on the lower left, quite bad on the top right.  

Feel very shaky, weak, and unstable today. 

Can't stay on my feet for very long.  

Legs fall asleep badly on even a quick trip to the bathroom

(from sitting on the toilet).  

Legs and fingers were very tingly yesterday as well.  

Especially in the evening, I think.  

Knees hurt badly yesterday when I got up, after sitting for a while. 

 

Thanks @Rabe

I don't usually think of myself as strong or resilient.

I usually feel like a branch bending, almost breaking,

just barely holding on.    

 

I know that I have a habit of forgetting how bad it's been before. 

But right now, I can barely remember a time, if there is one, 

where I have felt worse than I do now.  

My Mom keeps telling me that it's a perception thing, and 

that really it's been just as bad, or worse, before, and I just don't remember. 

I'm not sure if I want that to be true... or not.  

 

So hard to stay positive right now. 

I just want to be able to walk around and get my work done. 

I don't need to do anything fancy.  

Just to have a bit of energy and stability would be nice. 

I don't ask much.  : P  

 

I'm trying to see a pattern.  

But I can't say, oh, I normally feel bad in the morning, and pick up at night. 

Or I normally do great in the morning, and then crash for the afternoon. 

Yesterday morning I got going okay, but then did poorly for the middle of the day, 

and picked up again late in the day for a bit.  

The day before, my afternoon and evening were absolutely terrible.  

Today, so far, my morning is terrible.  

Wednesday my morning was rough, and the whole afternoon was absolutely awful.  

So... certainly for these last couple days, I don't see any kind of pattern.  

Maybe someone else sees something?  

 

I'm just so discouraged and trying to stay brave and level-headed.  

 

Oh... just noticed, my chest pain isn't as bad, at the moment anyway. 

But I'm currently experiencing some flank pain, if that's the right way to describe it.  

 

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. 

Right now I can't even imagine how I'm going to get there.  

But I guess that's borrowing tomorrow's trouble. 

Let's get through today for now.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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Finally trying to wind down for bed. 

Really don't want to go back and rehash my afternoon, 

but I feel it should be recorded.  

 

I got a few more little things done. 

And then, I was sitting here in my chair, 

when the anxiety started to rise. 

I tried to go and sit and comb my daughers hair, 

(okay, I didn't just try, I did comb her hair)

while we all watched a kid's show, 

but the anxiety continued to build and boil.  

I struggled through the afternoon, 

but my anxiety was -really- high.  

 

But, my family needed supper.  

And my husband is away tonight. 

So I had to do something.  

I'd already eaten a snack, so hopefully 

my blood sugar wouldn't be too low before supper. 

But when I got up to get it ready, I was 

shivering and shaking like crazy.  

I put on a sweater, and some socks, 

and managed to shake and shiver the 

leftovers into the oven.  

 

I made my way back to my chair,

and now that I was no longer shivering,  

my upper back just below my neck, 

was hurting very badly, and an area there, 

and down my back and across my shoulders

felt like it was just glowing with warmth.  

Not hot, not burning, just really... warm.  

For some reason I found it a very disturbing feeling. 

 

My snack this afternoon was around 3:00. 

The anxiety started to rise some time after that. 

I put supper in the oven around 6:00, for half an hour. 

The heat and pain in my shoulders happened while

I was waiting for the food to warm up.  

 

Then I struggled mightily through supper.  

Walking around I constantly felt like my legs would give out. 

But somehow I kept moving.  

I showered and put all the kids to bed.  

Read with them, even when I wasn't sure I was going 

to keep being able to see the words.  

 

I don't know how it can be so hard. 

And I have no idea how it is that I keep going.  

When I finally sat down, I first thought, hey, 

I think maybe I actually feel a bit better. 

But then my lower legs felt like they were still moving. 

Even though I was holding still.  

It was a horrible feeling. 

Almost like my muscles were crawling around under my skin. 

Or like there were waves rippling through my flesh.  

I don't know.  It's really hard to describe.  

 

The chest pain has come and gone and come again.  

For a while it was really bad.  

For a little bit, it switched sides, then back. 

It was in a different spot, and then back to 'normal' again. 

Now it's there, not super bad, but not too mild either.  

 

I think I maybe had a tiny window, where things weren't SO bad, 

for a little while shortly before I got my last little dude in bed.  

 

Oh, I really hope that tomorrow is better.  

I really hope that this rough patch, means a brighter one is coming.  

It's hard not to fear that there really must be something else seriously wrong with me.  

It's hard to think, even if this is all exactly as I believe it to be, that this misery

could still drag on for years.  Better, and worse, with ebbs and flows, 

for years.  

 

Oh, for some hopeful sign.  

Sigh.  

 

Hey!  At least, my mouth was really sore again for a bit, 

but right now, it seems to be feeling a lot better.  

Not all the way better.  But it's not a huge focus right this minute at least.  

Perhaps only for now, but hey, at least there's that, right!?  

 

Time to try relax for a few minutes and try drag myself to bed not too late... 

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Waterfall, 

 

I love how you write. You should write a book.

 

I hope tomorrow is better for you too. 

 

Sending u big, big hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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Thank you, @Carmie

You know, when I was a kid, 

I wanted to grow up to be an author.  

I don't know if I'll ever be one, 

but it would be cool if I could.  😊

If only I knew what to write about, 

other than my daily miseries.  😜

 

Just had a pretty strong wave of tingles!

With weird warmths, and trembles, and 

funny feelings all over, and some pretty

stiff tension in my shoulders, I just hope I

can relax enough to fall asleep tonight. 

Preferably before it gets much later.

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 minute ago, Waterfall said:

Thank you, @Carmie

You know, when I was a kid, 

I wanted to grow up to be an author.  

I don't know if I'll ever be one, 

but it would be cool if I could.  😊

If only I knew what to write about, 

other than my daily miseries.  😜

 

Just had a pretty strong wave of tingles!

With weird warmths, and trembles, and 

funny feelings all over, and some pretty

stiff tension in my shoulders, I just hope I

can relax enough to fall asleep tonight. 

Preferably before it gets much later.

 

Your vocabulary is beautiful Waterfall. 

 

Why don’t you write a book about your journey with withdrawals and all the things you’ve learnt along the way. I know there’s a lot of pain in it but we also find the humour in it too somewhere there. You can move people and reach their hearts and one of these days when we are all over this journey we can look back n smile. 

 

It will take me a long, long time to taper. I’ve been tapering for many years n it might take me ten more years or so but with a gift of writing you could write a book. 

 

I love writing but I’ve been too ill for many, many years with chronic illnesses to really study it n get into it. 

 

I hate math so its never any fun to try n figure out my tapering schedule, but I love words. I was playing Words With Friends but I stopped a while ago as my eyesight is getting worse because of all the close up stuff I was doing on my iPad. The CFS makes it hard for me to focus.

 

My favourite author EVER is John Grisham. He can really write a story.

 

Sendng hugs to you Waterfall🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment

Hi Waterfall...love you, love that chair, love the journals you share with care, honesty, and  always sprinkled with a touch of  joy.  Hoping you can fall asleep and get some sleep!  Take care!!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Ive been struggling with feel good AM and then Viibryd and not so good...and the Clonazepam helps afternoon and puts me to sleep for short nap at night and then I start over...and today when I was weary, now included, I thought of your stories and came here and was another to read...and I smiled! ♥️

 

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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  • Moderator Emeritus
4 hours ago, Rabe said:

Ive been struggling with feel good AM and then Viibryd and not so good...and the Clonazepam helps afternoon and puts me to sleep for short nap at night and then I start over...and today when I was weary, now included, I thought of your stories and came here and was another to read...and I smiled! ♥️

 

 

Agree with u Rabe, 

 

I love how Waterfall writes, such an inspiration💚

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment

Waterfall, 

 

You should be so proud of yourself.  All you did last night while feeling so ill.  Amazing!

 

I hope today is better, honey.

 

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Thanks @Rabe and @Rosetta

You made me smile.  

I look forward to writing lots more posts for you to enjoy.  

 

Today however... 

Feeling so rough, not even up to typing much today.  

 

I was considering asking someone to tell me their worst day, 

so that I feel like I can survive this. 

But I'm not sure if I actually want to know.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
12 minutes ago, Waterfall said:

Thanks @Rabe and @Rosetta

You made me smile.  

I look forward to writing lots more posts for you to enjoy.  

 

Today however... 

Feeling so rough, not even up to typing much today.  

 

I was considering asking someone to tell me their worst day, 

so that I feel like I can survive this. 

But I'm not sure if I actually want to know.  

 

Good morning Waterfall, 

 

Sorry you’re feeling so rough today. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.

 

I guess reading other people’s bad days may help us to see that we’re not alone in this, at the same time though reading lots of sad stories can get overwhelming too.

 

I think some days it’s best to stay away from focusing on everyone’s pain n just try to get through the day as best as one can by using distractions n the like. 

 

We need to support one another too though, it’s all about balance I guess.

 

This journey is rough.

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

 

 

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment

Sudden wave of symptoms again. 

Can barely type. 

Suddenly sick. 

Sweating.  

Now cold.  

And shaking and nearly shivering.  

Oh, to feel better. 

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

My hands and feet are freezing,

my shoulders, the back of my head, and some of my back, 

and even some of my upper arms, feel like they are radiating warmth. 

My husband says my hands and feet are actually cold. 

And my back actually feels warm.  

My hands, for some reason, look pale.  

My temperature itself, is normal.  

I'm nauseated.  Shaky.  Weak.  Headachy. 

Panicky and anxious.  Foggy.  

I'm dreaming of visits to the ER again... 

If only I thought they'd help, I'd go in a heartbeat.  

I can't remember feeling worse, or more discouraged.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Im so sorry you are struggling so Waterfall!  I have shared symptoms in the past and it helped you said to know you are not alone with them and hope this might help you as well.  I don't know if its specific to the CLonazepam we share as a med, but I can tell you that I freeze and then I sweat..tho sweating is rare...and I look pale sometimes and often my legs/feet/toes and hands are purple and cold.   Its my favorite color...but in clothes not my skin!!!  I have often checked my temperature along the way because I feel warm and my head feels so warm...but generally normal.  Always is low it seems.  I  don't know...I had so many odd similar things over the years on the CLonazepam that I feel now coming off it is my immune system trying hard to find some sense of normal...and if it does I hope it passes it along to me!!!  Hoping that things improve by tonight, Waterfall.  Thinking about you lots!!

 

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Thanks, guys.  

I know it's no fun to see someone else struggle. 

Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. 

I'm feeling a little bit better.  

Not much.  

But it's something.  

 

Tomorrow I finally get to see my doctor.

I've been waiting for a long time,

since he's been on reduced hours after he and his wife had a premature baby.  

Perchance he'll find something. 

And if he doesn't, at least it'll be easier to believe 'there's nothing wrong with me'. 

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Oh, Waterfall, I know you are struggling so.  I hope you get some rest tonight. - Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Well.  Slept fairly well.  

Mild-medium cortisol spike this morning. 

Somewhat successful at changing channels, instead of ruminating. 

 

Still feel awful this morning.  

Still pushed myself to make the beds,

unload, and relaod the dishwasher, 

and take a shower!  (First time in over a week!)

I seriously felt like the effort was going to kill me. 

Or at least make me fall over.  

Especially in the shower, with my eyes closed. 

 

Funny thought this morning?  

I got the hiccups.  

And my first thought was, 

hey, at least my diaphragm is working!

And my next thought was, 

maybe it's working through something too, 

and when it's done, it'll be better than before!

Ha.  

Here's hoping!

 

So.  I have 20 minutes to sit, 

watch my kids show

(my husband thinks I'm nuts!

It's SO predictable and lame...

Yep! That's what I need right now)

 

And then... (dun, dun duuuuh!)

I get to go try, AGAIN,

to convince my doctor that I have 

Post Acute/Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome

or whatever we call it.  

And that he should run some tests, 

to make sure I'm not actually dying, 

and then leave me to work it out. 

(And then do some research, so no 

one else he works with has to go 

through this nonsense.)

 

Wish me luck!  

(Right now I'm not even sure I'll be able to 

walk in the door!)

 

Oh.  And my 20 minutes is down to 15.  

Sigh.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

You go girl!!!  AD suffragette!!!  Seriously, hope all goes well Waterfall!!!!

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Thanks, Rabe.  

The good news:

  He listened.  

  He took my paper where I wrote down

    The name Dr. Joseph Glenmullen

    Mad in America - article Do Antidepressants Work? A People's something something...

   a link to the scientific articles here on SA

  and a reference to brassmonkey's Are We There Yet? How Long Is Withdrawal Going To Take?

 

At the very least he acknowledged that the issue is complicated.  

He also acknowledged that I had given antidepressants a try.  

He asked if he could keep the paper.

And he sent me for a regular panel of blood work. 

Just to make sure.

But otherwise he declared that at the very least,

we are sure there is nothing pathologically wrong with me.

Well, that's good to know.

 

The bad news?

Well, I still feel awful.

I hope it's not going to get any worse.  

Going out this morning was very, very hard. 

 

Other good news, though,

was that the doctor had to admit I was

doing something right, because considering

how awful I feel, he's impressed how calm

and functional I still manage to be.

 

I just have to figure out how to keep

doing what I'm doing so far.  

And really, really hope, it doesn't get

any harder than it already is.  

 

When we came home, my parents were gardening

and I really wish I could go and help them.  

Totally not up for that right now. 

I wish they could understand too.

My husband is more on board now.

And he's willing to do more reading on it.

My Mom still believes I just need to get

back on an antidepressant.

Failing that, I just have to stop thinking

about it, and work hard enough.

 

I'm really thankful to the people who

work hard on this site.  

People like altostrata and brassmonkey

and too many more to name, 

who have spent countless hours 

doing research and sharing their

knowledge and encouragement with us

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Hi, Waterfall. Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern? How do they compare to your symptoms last fall?

 

What is your clonazepam schedule?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Happy for you, Waterfall, that you were heard by your doctor and that things went as well as they did!  

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hi, Waterfall. Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern?

 

Hi Altostrata. 

Thank you for stopping by.  

I've tried to hard to see if there is a daily symptom pattern. 

In some ways, it seems so random.  One morning, I do okay. 

Another morning, I feel awful, but it gets better later.  

Some evenings, I can suddenly get stuff done. 

Other evenings, I can barely move.  

Sometimes I have foggy periods, and that can be morning, or afternoon. 

I can panic out of the blue any time of day.  

 

The only thing I've noticed is that it's possible that afternoons are more 

likely to be a rough time, than any other time.  

Saturday, I had a period of feeling cold and shivering. 

I was thinking that was afternoon, but actually it was around 6:00.  

Yesterday afternoon I was cold and had heat in my shoulders.  

This afternoon I had the heat in my shoulders and the back of my head, 

along with some pain, but not the feeling cold.  

But this time it was around 3:00.  

This whole shoulder heat thing is a new symptom in the last week.  

It's 6:00 now, and I'm suddenly very anxious and have a terrible headache.  

I keep meaning to keep better track of my symptoms, 

but the last little while has been tough to survive, nevermind think... 

I've always been very bad at maintaining a journal, 

so trying to post regularly on here has been the best I've been able to manage so far.  

 

I have noticed that more often than not, I feel better after I eat, than I did before. 

So I've been trying to eat frequently and regularly.  

I like to think I feel better in the morning after I have breakfast, but that isn't always the case. 

I sometimes wonder if it's actually the food that helps, 

or if it's just that I panic and the food is a good distraction.  

But I do think that I feel better if I eat than if I don't.  

My doctor thinks that I'm sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations.  

I try to eat plenty of protein. 

And I've been working harder at drinking lots. 

 

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How do they compare to your symptoms last fall?

 

Up until the last week or two, I would have said pretty clearly,

that last fall my symptoms were much more strongly emotional.  

Lots of fear and panic attacks.  Crying spells.  Agitation.  

Songs running through my head non-stop.  Periods of sudden

and unusually deep feelings of despair and darkness.  

Occasional intense nightmares, or disturbing thoughts.  

I still had some physical symptoms, like the chest pain. 

Periods of foggy head, and sudden out of the blue urges to nap.

Near the beginning, when I tried to reinstate was the first time

I ever had cortisol spikes.  I thought at the time that they were 

exclusive to an immediate drug reaction.  Actually, I thought at 

first that they were serotonin syndrome, since they had me trying

to reinstate citalopram shortly after stopping CT from St. John's

Wort, which they apparently tried at unusually high doses, and 

which at the time I didn't even know was also a SSRI. 

 

Since it's been picking up these last couple months, I find that

there are a lot more, and stronger physical symptoms.  Dizziness, 

chest tightness, severe chest pain, headaches, shoulder pain, back

pain, pain between my shoulder blades, pain in my left shoulder blade, 

pain in my neck, shivering, shaking, trembling, tingling, numbness, 

cold spells, sweating spells, cold and sweating, cold and hot at the 

same time, weakness, pain in my knees, sore and heavy arms and 

lower legs, soreness all over, sore fingertips, especially under pressure,

muscles spasms, heart pounding, extreme brain fog events, struggling

with my vision, sudden 'blips' in my hearing, short episodes of tinnitis, 

burping, nausea, gas, gas pains, constipation, punctuated by rare

bouts of diarrhea, shooting pains in my fingers, weird feelings in my 

nose, occasionally tingling in my lips or nose, eyelid twitching, 

muscle tension, poor appetite, punctuated by sudden bursts of 

extreme hunger, cortisol spikes, the occasional nightmare.  

 

On the whole, I feel like my emotional symptoms were much better. 

I felt much more in control, and much more resilient.  Right up until 

the last week or two, when I started having panic attacks out of the 

blue.  Sometimes it would be when I was reading, or watching a show, 

which I figured was the trigger, but other times, it seemed totally random. 

 

Last fall, I was able to watch shows, and read books, though 

sometimes they would cause some strong anxiety symptoms during, 

the symptoms would subside quickly when I stopped reading, or 

watching that particular show.  Most of my panic attacks were around

daily events, like getting the kids ready for school, or going to bed, or 

having to sit with the family for supper, or waking up in the middle of 

the night.  But again, once they were done, I usually felt mostly fine.  

 

Now, I almost never feel fine. Not even close.  And while I was managing,

I thought extraordinarily well until the last week or so, I've been reacting to

everything with sudden flares of almost unbearable anxiety.  I can't watch almost

any shows, or read most books.  I was still managing my daily tasks until the last

couple days.  Today I barely managed a short trip out to the doctor, and afterwards

I sat in my chair, ate some food, and then dozed off and on most of the afternoon.  

 

I have learned a lot about staying calm, and calming down. I have been getting 

some exercise every day.  I have been eating (even when I have to force myself

to choke it down), and drinking.  

I tried, when I got my scale, to introduce a very small amount of magnesium citrate

for a few days, but at the time, I experienced unusually bad nausea, so I stopped

trying that for now.  

 

The one thing I'm particularly glad about, is that I'm typically able to sleep at least

from midnight until 6.  Sometimes I get to sleep a bit earlier, and sometimes I 

sleep a bit later, but at least those six hours, I'm pretty likely to get.  Occasionally

I will wake up earlier, or fall asleep later, but lately, at least, that has been rare.  

If I do wake up early, I usually continue to lay in bed with my eyes closed, until 

I have to get up with the kids to get them ready for school.  

I hadn't been able to nap much for a while, but it seems that I've managed a few

naps in the past couple weeks, which I think must be a good thing.  

 

Oh, I feeling rough right now.  Very tense, anxious, a bit jittery, with one of the worst

headaches I have had yet.  

 

I really hope that you will be able to provide some insight that will offer me a ray of

hope and sunshine in the midst of this misery.  It's hard to keep doing this, day after

day after day after day, unrelenting.  I hope you'll be able to tell me something 

encouraging.  

 

And in case I've never told you, Altostrata, thank you for all you do.  

All the research and help that you provide so many people, is... indescribable.  

Thank you.  Thank you for putting so much time and effort in.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment
  • Administrator

You're very welcome. Have you gotten anywhere with fish oil and magnesium? If your digestion is off, mag glycinate or topical magnesium would be the way to go.

 

What's your drug schedule? Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. In your case, it might be a good idea to note what you're eating, too.

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What is your clonazepam schedule?

 

Whoops.  Almost forgot this part.  

I'm just having trouble typing anymore. 

Anxiety is high. 

Pain is high. 

Vision, not so much.  

I take one 'pill' when I get up, around 7:30 am,

with 0.25 of a 0.80mg pill that contains .25mg of Clonazepam. 

I take a second one at bedtime, around 10-11 o'clock.  

My husband makes the pills using the Clonzepam and 

empty beef something-or-other capsules, and brown rice flour, 

with the aid of a scale.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Sorry... Anybody know if it's okay to take Tylenol or Advil?  I'm having the worst headache ever.  Or... Neck-ache?  It goes from the top of my head down to the bottom of my neck.  Worst right now if the left side.  It hurts so bad.  Can't even read or look at my computer, or watch a cartoon or anything.  Getting this out on my phone.  Just so miserable right now.  Forehead hurting now too.  Seems almost like it keeps moving.  Left side of neck stays the worst, I think.  Feels hot there too.  Can't even get my supper down like this.  Every time I think I've endured the worst thing yet, something worse happens.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Thankfully it's not quite as bad anymore.  

Man, that was intense.  

Still miserable, 

but it's back to something bearable.  

I wish I didn't feel like such a wuss sometimes.  

 

Trying to think of the best medium and method to use to record my daily symptom log.  

It's something that is really hard for me to do. 

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Just wondering if it's better in general to

push yourself, or to take it easy?  

People usually say listen to your body,

but my body is being really confusing

right now.

I don't want to overdo it, but sometimes I

think sitting around too much isn't good either.

How is one to know in this condition?

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Now I'm not posting today because

I'm pouring all my energy into making my log.

I have a feeling it's way too detailed.

I don't know how to record differently.  

What to include, what to leave out?

Well, you'll see when I eventually post it.

It's way too long, I know it.

 

Anyway, I'm still struggling, 

and I miss at least feeling like I could get a reply.

 

I would say that feeling this bummed over such a little thing, 

makes me feel pathetic. 

But I've been told that is a garbage line of thinking. 

It IS tough.  I don't have to pretend it isn't. 

So there.    

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

Link to comment

Im sorry about the doing so well...I meant that in spite of all the difficult, challenging, frightening symptoms you are faced with still manage to do some things...to get some things done...to get out of bed, to sit in your chair, to be with your kids...to me ANYthing is doing well because at home tapering too fast and here after rapid taper I literally could not get out of bed...even now that is still a challenge...to face everything, stand upright and limp around because of the pain in my joints and muscles...just getting up is doing well, for me in any case.  It helps always to know I am NOT alone, though most often I feel very very alone.  Take care.

 

AM I IN THE RIGHT PLACE NOW???? :) 

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Where is the post from brassmonkey on how long is withdrawal going to take?

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

Link to comment

Yes, @Rabe you are in the right place. 

Thank you for coming by and making me smile.  

I want to post my log for the day, but I'm afraid it is much too long.  

 

The post by brassmonkey is this one:

It is about much more that 'just' how long it is going to take. 

At least, from what I read.  I think.  

My brain isn't working the best at the moment. 

Like he warned, I did find some parts kinda triggering. 

And I'm not in the best shape right now.  

I plan to read through it more thoroughly at a later date.  

Anxiety since I was 5, and my Grandma died.  Depression since at least my early 20s. 

Wellbutrin for unknown length of time in 2009  Guess: 6-9 months.  Cold Turkeyed in Dec 2009. 

Citalopram 40mg end of 2014 until June 2017. Began within a few months after 4th child was born because I crashed. 

Quit CT.  Had no major symptoms until Sept. Took Gaba from spring until near end of Nov 2017

Took St. John's Wort mixed with who knows what else from mid-summer to end of Sept.. 

Clonazepam 0.25 mg once a day since Sept. 18.  To stay sane. 

Rough time since Sept. 18.  Tried to reinstate.  Repeatedly.  Failed.  Bad reaction.  Horrible cortisol spikes

I seem to react badly to anything I take right now.  Except Clonazepam.    

End of December, forgot to take Clonazepam for a few days. Thought I could do without. 

Appears I was wrong,  Jan. 1-2?   Trying to find the right way to deal with things.

Holding at 1/4 of 0.25mg pill morning and night.  Reinstated Jan. 5

Apr. 30, Got a scale.  Measuring roughly .25 mg of a .80mg pill that contains .25mg Clonazepam.  

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Thank you for sending that...I really appreciate it!!  NO you don't have to be perfect, but I can tell from your writing and all that perhaps you have worked on being perfect much of your life???  Maybe??? IDK...I know I did/have...and I see/hear myself sometimes.  If things were 'perfect' around me and I felt 'in control' it helped my anxiety a lot....which is part of why my life has been such a mess!!! ;) 

And you will get a reply...and it IS tough...SO THERE!!!  😜♥️

-Nardil 1976 < year, stopped. React to AD's. Klonopin .5BID 1990, 2.5mg til 2016

-Klonopin doubled Jan '16. Taper to 2.25mg May to Nov '16. Bad react to Lexapro, stop. React to Prevacid too, taper off. 

-November '16 Tapered .25mg Klonopin in hospital. Jan '17 started Viibryd, 20mg from Feb to June '17,     

-20mg to 10mg Viibryd from 3/25 to 6/10 2017, 12/15 10% Viibryd taper...back up next day

-Clonazepam 2mg to 1.85mg 4/14 '17 to end November; taper to 1mg Clonazepam in hospital 9/1 tp 9/14 '17

-Feb '18 Amiloride .25mg  5/18 off Amiloride d/t react. Clonaz compounded  

-4/27 '18 Viibryd 9.5mg, 6/11 9.0 mg, 1/27 '19 Viibryd 8.75mg, ; Clonazepam .2mg 530pm and .7mg 1130pm, Premarin .3mg 830PM CARAFATE QID 2/27/19 to 3/5/19

-July 6'19 1/2 10mg Claritin 230pm, stopped it about July 18, started Oct 11 '19, 

-7/27 Viibryd 8.5, 8/29 8.25, 10/24 8.0, 12/19 7.75, Feb '20 7.50, 3/20 7.25, 5/20 7.0, 6/20 6.75, 7/20 6.5, 8/20 6.25, 10/2 20 6.0, 11/25'20 5.75, 1/9/21 5.5, 2/23 5.25

-1015 AM Viibryd, vit D 4,000IU 130, 415 Clonazepam .2mg, 815 Premarin .3mg, 1015 Clonaz .7mg,

  1115 3t fish oil+D 1145 Castor Oil 650mg(4) 1230 Carafate 1/2GM,Methylated B Vit  1/week,Reacted Mag prn

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