Downbutnotout: Started a bridge to get off effexor

[Downbutnotout]

11 hours ago, wantrelief said:

It is good to know that there was a reason why you weren't feeling well today.  Hopefully things will settle soon, DBNO.

It wasnt the only reason. I wish I knew how much that played into it. I went to a new counselor and I went through my life. Maybe not the best thing to be doing in the state I’m in. I am so worried I will never laugh again. A big belly laugh.   I used to laugh all the time. Thanks for your concern. How long has your depression been going on? Has it improved at all? How is your appetite? I know you’ve been doing this for a while. 

[wantrelief]

Hi DBNO,

 

It can be hard to go through your "history" with a new counselor, it would make sense that that too could have contributed to your mood.  How are you doing today?

 

The latest problems for me started in July when I had some stress with work (I ended up quitting that job in September).  I tried to increase my medication to help with my symptoms but that didn't seem to help (I waited almost 5 months without any change) so I am now very slowly decreasing citalopram.  I don't have a great appetite - I can eat but don't really enjoy food or crave any particular food.  

 

I hope today is a better day for you.

[Downbutnotout]

My  mood is consistently low. I try to fake it with my friends. I’m not faking it with my husband. I really feel I’m jeapordizing his health. He used to be the one with anxiety. I was solid like a rock.  I feel like I’m doing such a cruel thing to him, taking him down with me. But I’m not fooling anyone. The only thing I’ve been doing is playing this silly majong game. Today, I won a lot of times, and my mood was almost lifted. I don’t want everyone to know how much of my brain is fried. I still feel funky head sensations. I haven’t been able to concentrate on it so I’ve been losing almost every time I play. It used to be something I only did once in awhile, just for fun. Not something I did seriously!  Now, it’s the only thing I can do. It was a least an hour of almost forgetting how scared and worried I am that I will never return to normal. How was your day? How do you know if you have a window? Do you have physical symptoms like tremors, etc? Sounds like you were traumatized at work. How are you getting over it? 

[wantrelief]

I am glad your mood "almost lifted" after your winning mahjong - I know it seems small but we have to grab onto those moments because at least they feel a bit different than our usual baseline.  

 

I am not having a great day - having a really hard time with apathy and motivation today but was able to do more the last few days than today so am trying to hold onto that.

[Downbutnotout]

9 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I am glad your mood "almost lifted" after your winning mahjong - I know it seems small but we have to grab onto those moments because at least they feel a bit different than our usual baseline.  

 

I am not having a great day - having a really hard time with apathy and motivation today but was able to do more the last few days than today so am trying to hold onto that.

Aw, but glad you’re seeing some signs of improvement. 

[Littlegrandma]

D

Jumping over to your thread cuz we were on DS’s. 

If you want emotions, you don’t want lexapro. I was brain dead on that. I’m only half way off, emotions have come back but it’s mostly bad emotions- fear mostly. Plus I have dp/ dr 24/7. I am having such a hard time getting off of this, I would never take another drug. Lexapro is evil. 

 

This is my second ad drug. I took Zoloft years ago. I didn’t know it was an anti depressant when I started taking it. Dr gave it to me for insomnia. Worked like a charm. I felt great on it. No start up effects or wd and I went off cold turkey. Just had the swooshes in my head up to 18 mo. I went on lexapro cuz I had anxiety, probably from insomnia again. Lexapro made my sleep worse. 

 

I think your your emotions will come back with time. You’re lucky you don’t have physical symptoms. Depression and anxiety are horrible. Im sorry you’re suffering. But I have that plus the physical....

headaches, nausea, body pain, pins and needles, tremors, tinnitus, pressure in my head and ears, eyes  etc etc. I’m just saying this so you don’t consider taking lexapro. 

 

It seems you’ve had small improvements lately. Give it more time before you jump onto another med. If you can exercise, you should do it. I can’t do anything but slow, slow walk or the head pressure gets so crazy, I fear I’ll have a stroke or seizure. 

 

Going to bed. I’ve been up since 2:45 this morning. I don’t have kids here tomorrow, so if you want to talk, I’ll be around. 

Good night.  xx lg

[RealMe]

5 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

My  mood is consistently low. I try to fake it with my friends. I’m not faking it with my husband. I really feel I’m jeapordizing his health.

Hi DBNO,

I could so relate to what you described.  I try to fake my mood with my friends also, and sometimes I think maybe I'm actually not faking it -- at least for little bits of time.  I think maybe acting a little cheerful isn't altogether fake; maybe it's a sign of ok-ness ahead.  There was a time when I couldn't fake it and couldn't even care.  I literally have to force myself to be with people because I know that's what healthy people do.  I keep feeling that pull to isolate.  Sometimes I feel like other people are going 90 miles an hour, and I'm just trudging along, exhausted.

 

I can't stand the guilt and worry over what I do to my husband when the crying sets in, so that helps me put a lid on it.  I have enough trouble without worrying and guilting, so I fake it with him too.  And sometimes I think, well, I'm acting a little cheerful, so maybe for just this moment, I actually am normal.  Acting cheerful when I'm feeling low sometimes is probably a normal thing people do sometimes.  I wasn't normal when I started AD's, so I assume I will have to learn to cope with different tools when I finally (hopefully someday) get off them completely.  I used to think I was too brain damaged, but now I think it's possible.

 

Maybe this sounds phony or insincere, but I think acting is helping to rebuild my self-esteem.

 

I escape in sleep, the computer, online scrabble, facebook, tv, and especially this forum.  Whatever comforts you, if it's scrabble or Mahjong, it's  worth it!  It's not silly.  It's helping.  You give me a lot of positive feedback, so I hope I can give you some too.  You connect with a lot of people on this forum, and that is a wonderful, generous thing to do.

 

xo RM

[Downbutnotout]

13 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Hi DBNO,

I could so relate to what you described.  I try to fake my mood with my friends also, and sometimes I think maybe I'm actually not faking it -- at least for little bits of time.  I think maybe acting a little cheerful isn't altogether fake; maybe it's a sign of ok-ness ahead.  There was a time when I couldn't fake it and couldn't even care.  I literally have to force myself to be with people because I know that's what healthy people do.  I keep feeling that pull to isolate.  Sometimes I feel like other people are going 90 miles an hour, and I'm just trudging along, exhausted.

 

I can't stand the guilt and worry over what I do to my husband when the crying sets in, so that helps me put a lid on it.  I have enough trouble without worrying and guilting, so I fake it with him too.  And sometimes I think, well, I'm acting a little cheerful, so maybe for just this moment, I actually am normal.  Acting cheerful when I'm feeling low sometimes is probably a normal thing people do sometimes.  I wasn't normal when I started AD's, so I assume I will have to learn to cope with different tools when I finally (hopefully someday) get off them completely.  I used to think I was too brain damaged, but now I think it's possible.

 

Maybe this sounds phony or insincere, but I think acting is helping to rebuild my self-esteem.

 

I escape in sleep, the computer, online scrabble, facebook, tv, and especially this forum.  Whatever comforts you, if it's scrabble or Mahjong, it's  worth it!  It's not silly.  It's helping.  You give me a lot of positive feedback, so I hope I can give you some too.  You connect with a lot of people on this forum, and that is a wonderful, generous thing to do.

 

xo RM

Oh that’s so kind of you. Be happy you can cry.  I do try to connect, but sometimes, I should just “put a Iid on it too.   I’m glad I’m not the only one acting. I don’t want to give my husband false hope We’re all looking for hope. Sounds like you’re doing better! You do sound more hopeful. 

[Downbutnotout]

53 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

D

Jumping over to your thread cuz we were on DS’s. 

If you want emotions, you don’t want lexapro. I was brain dead on that. I’m only half way off, emotions have come back but it’s mostly bad emotions- fear mostly. Plus I have dp/ dr 24/7. I am having such a hard time getting off of this, I would never take another drug. Lexapro is evil. 

 

This is my second ad drug. I took Zoloft years ago. I didn’t know it was an anti depressant when I started taking it. Dr gave it to me for insomnia. Worked like a charm. I felt great on it. No start up effects or wd and I went off cold turkey. Just had the swooshes in my head up to 18 mo. I went on lexapro cuz I had anxiety, probably from insomnia again. Lexapro made my sleep worse. 

 

I think your your emotions will come back with time. You’re lucky you don’t have physical symptoms. Depression and anxiety are horrible. Im sorry you’re suffering. But I have that plus the physical....

headaches, nausea, body pain, pins and needles, tremors, tinnitus, pressure in my head and ears, eyes  etc etc. I’m just saying this so you don’t consider taking lexapro. 

 

It seems you’ve had small improvements lately. Give it more time before you jump onto another med. If you can exercise, you should do it. I can’t do anything but slow, slow walk or the head pressure gets so crazy, I fear I’ll have a stroke or seizure. 

 

Going to bed. I’ve been up since 2:45 this morning. I don’t have kids here tomorrow, so if you want to talk, I’ll be around. 

Good night.  xx lg

I’m scared of trying anything now. I couldn’t tolerate celexa, so there’s no way I would try lexapro although that was one of my “choices.” I just wish there was something safe to take. It doesn’t seem like it. I’ve heard that lexapro really smashes emotions a they all do. At least I’ve warned more kids never to take this stuff. Zoloft worked for me too when I first took it. That was my first drug. When I went back and tried it last year, it made me hyper. I really signed my death warrant when I took myself off this stuff quickly 3 years ago. Although I was able to reinstate effexor for some reason. I really think the effexor had pooped out before my  “depression incident,” and I was just running on thinking it worked. I wish I could do the placebo effect on myself. If I could stop tormenting myself, I’d feel a lot luckier.  I am so sorry you have to go through all this pain! 

[Downbutnotout]

13 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

D

Jumping over to your thread cuz we were on DS’s. 

If you want emotions, you don’t want lexapro. I was brain dead on that. I’m only half way off, emotions have come back but it’s mostly bad emotions- fear mostly. Plus I have dp/ dr 24/7. I am having such a hard time getting off of this, I would never take another drug. Lexapro is evil. 

 

This is my second ad drug. I took Zoloft years ago. I didn’t know it was an anti depressant when I started taking it. Dr gave it to me for insomnia. Worked like a charm. I felt great on it. No start up effects or wd and I went off cold turkey. Just had the swooshes in my head up to 18 mo. I went on lexapro cuz I had anxiety, probably from insomnia again. Lexapro made my sleep worse. 

 

I think your your emotions will come back with time. You’re lucky you don’t have physical symptoms. Depression and anxiety are horrible. Im sorry you’re suffering. But I have that plus the physical....

headaches, nausea, body pain, pins and needles, tremors, tinnitus, pressure in my head and ears, eyes  etc etc. I’m just saying this so you don’t consider taking lexapro. 

 

It seems you’ve had small improvements lately. Give it more time before you jump onto another med. If you can exercise, you should do it. I can’t do anything but slow, slow walk or the head pressure gets so crazy, I fear I’ll have a stroke or seizure. 

 

Going to bed. I’ve been up since 2:45 this morning. I don’t have kids here tomorrow, so if you want to talk, I’ll be around. 

Good night.  xx lg

How are you doing today? 

[Littlegrandma]

Hi D

slightly better than yesterday. I’ll take it. 

How about you?

 

im actually going out for a bit. It’s cold but the sun is shining. I’m going to sit in the car while my daughter runs errands. Don’t really feel like it, but may do me good just to get away from these same walls. 

[Downbutnotout]

Good for you. 

[AliG]

14 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I just wish there was something safe to take.

 

HI D ~ you sound like me when I first landed here ~ yes, like on another planet~ looking for the perfect pill or antidepressant , that was going to make it all better and take away  the pain.

Unfortunately, no such thing exists ~

 

It's hard to hear and it can sometimes take a little while to really sink in  ~ but there really is no better cure than, eventually getting free of the drugs ~ and then educating yourself about health and natural healing ~ drug free.

 

I was wrongly put on the drugs after my 3rd baby ~ Post Natal Depression ( major depressive disorder) ~ apparently, but it wasn't really that. It was just that I had a baby, ... hormone levels dropped and I wasn't sleeping because the baby wasn't sleeping ~ had colic and wouldn't stop crying and I had just moved to the hottest part of Australia, and I had no friends or family for support, and my husband was away for weeks and months at a time, and I had no car and no air conditioning and we lived out of town ... etc. etc. Who wouldn't be depressed?

 

I went to my doctor ... and it began ...

 

I thought, that because I had an abusive childhood ~ that it made sense that I would be suffering from this disease ( like diabetes) and therefore had a chemical imbalance ...  so I needed antidepressants just like diabetics need insulin ... isn't that the spiel? 

 

Anyway, my point is that there is no safe drug ~ they are all toxic and that includes not just psych meds ~ but Statins, BP drugs, PPI , also ~ the list goes on ...

 

There is no pill.... that can create health ~ It's all mainly down to diet and lifestyle. There is no doctor that can create health ... You have to do that, yourself.

 

You also asked about vitamins ~ magnesium and fish oil are the only ones recommended : separately, one at a time and in small doses to start with.

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

46 minutes ago, AliG said:

 

HI D ~ you sound like me when I first landed here ~ yes, like on another planet~ looking for the perfect pill or antidepressant , that was going to make it all better and take away  the pain.

Unfortunately, no such thing exists ~

 

It's hard to hear and it can sometimes take a little while to really sink in  ~ but there really is no better cure than, eventually getting free of the drugs ~ and then educating yourself about health and natural healing ~ drug free.

 

I was wrongly put on the drugs after my 3rd baby ~ Post Natal Depression ( major depressive disorder) ~ apparently, but it wasn't really that. It was just that I had a baby, ... hormone levels dropped and I wasn't sleeping because the baby wasn't sleeping ~ had colic and wouldn't stop crying and I had just moved to the hottest part of Australia, and I had no friends or family for support, and my husband was away for weeks and months at a time, and I had no car and no air conditioning and we lived out of town ... etc. etc. Who wouldn't be depressed?

 

I went to my doctor ... and it began ...

 

I thought, that because I had an abusive childhood ~ that it made sense that I would be suffering from this disease ( like diabetes) and therefore had a chemical imbalance ...  so I needed antidepressants just like diabetics need insulin ... isn't that the spiel? 

 

Anyway, my point is that there is no safe drug ~ they are all toxic and that includes not just psych meds ~ but Statins, BP drugs, PPI , also ~ the list goes on ...

 

There is no pill.... that can create health ~ It's all mainly down to diet and lifestyle. There is no doctor that can create health ... You have to do that, yourself.

 

You also asked about vitamins ~ magnesium and fish oil are the only ones recommended : separately, one at a time and in small doses to start with.

 

 

I tried the magnesium and it hyped me up.  Is there a certain brand that is easier on the body than others?  I’ve tried the fish oil.  I have a long standing history of depression starting when I was a child.  I think in your case, your philosophy works. And you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished. But my depression is really scaring me Ali. I am not having a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. 

[Downbutnotout]

2 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Good for you. 

It’s not a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. 

[Littlegrandma]

Sorry you’re having a rough day again, D. Did you get out at all?

 

Hoping tomorrow will be better for you!! Yesterday I didn’t think I’d survive. Today I felt a little better. So I forced myself out and am so glad I did. I didn’t have any plans to leave the comfort of the car, but ended up in Walmart, which is a nightmare under any circumstances. Especially with dp/dr. I survived it. Now I know I can accomplish anything. Ha

Then I switched chauffeurs and went for a sightseeing drive and ice cream with my mom. Except for riding with a half blind 84yr old, it was relaxing. Lol

it was nice having a change of scenery.

Have you gotten to the gym this week?

I hope you’re getting some relief from the depression tonight. 

Lg

[Downbutnotout]

8 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Sorry you’re having a rough day again, D. Did you get out at all?

 

Hoping tomorrow will be better for you!! Yesterday I didn’t think I’d survive. Today I felt a little better. So I forced myself out and am so glad I did. I didn’t have any plans to leave the comfort of the car, but ended up in Walmart, which is a nightmare under any circumstances. Especially with dp/dr. I survived it. Now I know I can accomplish anything. Ha

Then I switched chauffeurs and went for a sightseeing drive and ice cream with my mom. Except for riding with a half blind 84yr old, it was relaxing. Lol

it was nice having a change of scenery.

Have you gotten to the gym this week?

I hope you’re getting some relief from the depression tonight. 

Lg

My only entertainment is my 95 year old aunt asking me for her mother’s phone number. You have a good attitude. 

[Littlegrandma]

Oh, God love her. She doesn’t drive does she?  Haha

I’m the only one that will ride  with my mom. I don’t want to take her confidence away. But sometimes it’s a white knuckle ride. A few weeks ago she pulled in front of a car, not realizing how fast he was going. I whispered stop.  Couldn’t get the words out. Thought I was a goner. She brought that up today and we had a good chuckle. I still think it’s safer than me driving with my foggy brain. 

[Downbutnotout]

On 2/22/2018 at 3:31 PM, AliG said:

 

HI D ~ you sound like me when I first landed here ~ yes, like on another planet~ looking for the perfect pill or antidepressant , that was going to make it all better and take away  the pain.

Unfortunately, no such thing exists ~

 

It's hard to hear and it can sometimes take a little while to really sink in  ~ but there really is no better cure than, eventually getting free of the drugs ~ and then educating yourself about health and natural healing ~ drug free.

 

I was wrongly put on the drugs after my 3rd baby ~ Post Natal Depression ( major depressive disorder) ~ apparently, but it wasn't really that. It was just that I had a baby, ... hormone levels dropped and I wasn't sleeping because the baby wasn't sleeping ~ had colic and wouldn't stop crying and I had just moved to the hottest part of Australia, and I had no friends or family for support, and my husband was away for weeks and months at a time, and I had no car and no air conditioning and we lived out of town ... etc. etc. Who wouldn't be depressed?

 

I went to my doctor ... and it began ...

 

I thought, that because I had an abusive childhood ~ that it made sense that I would be suffering from this disease ( like diabetes) and therefore had a chemical imbalance ...  so I needed antidepressants just like diabetics need insulin ... isn't that the spiel? 

 

Anyway, my point is that there is no safe drug ~ they are all toxic and that includes not just psych meds ~ but Statins, BP drugs, PPI , also ~ the list goes on ...

 

There is no pill.... that can create health ~ It's all mainly down to diet and lifestyle. There is no doctor that can create health ... You have to do that, yourself.

 

You also asked about vitamins ~ magnesium and fish oil are the only ones recommended : separately, one at a time and in small doses to start with.

 

 

I am wondering if I should reinstate higher. And then taper down from there. I think I started too low. What do you think? I did reinstate my effexor after a 6 month lay off three years ago. I feel very flat. There are no windows. My motivation is quite low. It seems other people have had success reinstating higher and then going down from there. Just want to make sure I’m not missing something that could be helpful. I stopped effexor in October. I am not typical and i am older. Just want to make sure I shouldn’t try something more. I have the short acting effexor where I can start at 12 mg. Instead of using beads. Or increasing the beads? I feel like I’m really stuck. 

[Downbutnotout]

After a horrible day, I had a bit of relief at night. The depression lifted a little bit while I watched TV, and sat around tonight. i wouldn’t call it a window, just a  little relief. I am afraid to go to bed because when i wake up it will be back. This has happened a few times before. Not every night.  3 times a week. I really think the trazadone has a bad effect on me. I’ve been thinking that for a while. I think it gives me anxiety and bumps up my depression. I wish I could get rid of it. I am having problems from being off the effexor (6 beads) and taking this trazadone. But, I’m not sure what I can do about it. Anyone hear of trazadone having a bad effect on people? I wake up in a terrible depression every day. ( I used to be a morning person.) I am so low and depressed when I wake up that I have trouble getting out of bed.  I also have si. Even though I’m not sleeping.

[ChessieCat]

4 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

i wouldn’t call it a window, just a  little relief. 

 

This IS  a window.  A window is any period of time, even if only for a moment, where you feel a bit better than you have been feeling.

 

I can remember getting them when I would go out to my car to eat my lunch.  I'd realise when I went back inside that for a very short period of time during that half hour I had felt a bit better.  I didn't notice it at the time, it was afterwards when my mood would drop.  And it wasn't to do with work because I like my job.

[ChessieCat]

What time to you take your trazadone?  It has a short half life so it may be when it is wearing off.  Just a thought.

 

I've also just recently seen this about PPIs:

 

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/10/acid-suppressing-drugs-linked-to-vitamin-b12-deficiency/

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_B12_deficiency

[Downbutnotout]

27 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

This IS  a window.  A window is any period of time, even if only for a moment, where you feel a bit better than you have been feeling.

 

I can remember getting them when I would go out to my car to eat my lunch.  I'd realise when I went back inside that for a very short period of time during that half hour I had felt a bit better.  I didn't notice it at the time, it was afterwards when my mood would drop.  And it wasn't to do with work because I like my job.

 

18 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

What time to you take your trazadone?  It has a short half life so it may be when it is wearing off.  Just a thought.

 

I've also just recently seen this about PPIs:

 

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/10/acid-suppressing-drugs-linked-to-vitamin-b12-deficiency/

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_B12_deficiency

I did read this earlier. But if I don’t take the pills, I will throw up. Last year I tried taking amino acids, when I was healthy, instead. After 3 days, I couldn’t keep anything down.  I only take 10 mg. I have to force myself to eat right now anyway. That’s a symptom of this depression.  If came with the depression. I am afraid of taking vitamins because I seem to overreact to them. I overreacted to the magnesium and especially Vitamin d when I tried it. I think I’m  afraid to eat because I’ll overreact. What brand magnesium and vitamins do you take? Thanks. The good news is I look terrific because I lost 40 pounds. But the bad news is i don’t care. I was always a great glutton before. I really miss eating. I take the trazadone at 10:45. I do hate it. My great psychiatrist thought klonopin would’ve been a great idea. I turned it down. Maybe I shouldn’t have. The trazadone never bothered me before. I didn’t even know it was an antidepressant till 2 years ago. She referred to it as a “sleeping pill”. 

[Rosetta]

Hey, D.  Hope you are doing ok tonight.  Hoping you will wake up completely healed tomorrow . . . Well, one can dream, right?!  Take care, Rosetta

[ChessieCat]

I was thinking about B12 deficiency.  I think Alto was B12 deficient.  And something in one of the articles mentioned anaemia.  I take iron and B12 (sublingual) tablet daily.  My sister has to get B12 shots and my mother did for several years before she died.

[ChessieCat]

40 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I’d say you are a very analytical person. Thanks for the course. I went to a new counselor who is going to be doing  cbt with me. But she really upset me because I had to go through my past last week. I thought I’d accepted it, and put it behind me. I’m not even sure going through it is wise.  I think the antidepressants really cover that stuff up.. I swear I led a pretty happy life before this year. I don’t know how I’m going to get back there without drugs. My  failures are because I did things I wasn’t suited for. But like you say, you can’t go back there. If I hadn’t had a run in with a volunteer boss who was an idiot and triggered me, I would’ve been fine. Of course I was very wrong in the situation too. You cannot redo the past. I just will be happy when I’m feeling some positive emotions again, and have a good laugh. I used to laugh a lot and have fun. And appreciate and feel for my family. If I could do that again, I wouldn’t care if I got another thing back. 

 

Many things can be triggering.  I had it happen to me yesterday when I was talking with my new boss about a lady in the office who has suffered with very bad depression for many years.  It got me teary and I had to keep saying I'm okay, I'm okay.  At least I didn't keep saying sorry like I did when I was talking with the other boss a few weeks early when I had dropped in to find out if they wanted a volunteer.  I bounce back very quickly but when the water works start I have trouble getting the tap turned off.

 

I think one thing that is very important to realise and accept is that we aren't going to come out of this at the other end the same as before we went in.  Life circumstances and ageing change us even without drugs.  So it's not just the drugs, but for us the drugs have made a difference together with life circumstances and ageing.  And when we have changes in our life / life stages, we go through a grieving period.  For me I'm having to learn to accept that my physical body is not going to be as active as it was because I'm having knee problems.  I've also developed arthritis in my fingers over the last couple of years.  I'm shocked at how quickly one of my fingers is becoming misshapen and bent.  It has taken me some time to accept that these things are happening to me, but then I remember that I can still walk and I can still type and do crafts.  My glasses are now stronger magnification, but I can still see to sew and my hearing isn't as good as it was but I can still hear.  My blessings outweigh the others.

 

"I just will be happy when I’m feeling some positive emotions again, and have a good laugh. I used to laugh a lot and have fun. And appreciate and feel for my family. If I could do that again, I wouldn’t care if I got another thing back. "

 

Stop looking to the future for your happiness.  It's an "if only" way of looking at things.  We don't know what the future holds.  Look to what you do currently have in the present.  It can make a huge difference to how you get through this.

[Downbutnotout]

12 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Many things can be triggering.  I had it happen to me yesterday when I was talking with my new boss about a lady in the office who has suffered with very bad depression for many years.  It got me teary and I had to keep saying I'm okay, I'm okay.  At least I didn't keep saying sorry like I did when I was talking with the other boss a few weeks early when I had dropped in to find out if they wanted a volunteer.  I bounce back very quickly but when the water works start I have trouble getting the tap turned off.

 

I think one thing that is very important to realise and accept is that we aren't going to come out of this at the other end the same as before we went in.  Life circumstances and ageing change us even without drugs.  So it's not just the drugs, but for us the drugs have made a difference together with life circumstances and ageing.  And when we have changes in our life / life stages, we go through a grieving period.  For me I'm having to learn to accept that my physical body is not going to be as active as it was because I'm having knee problems.  I've also developed arthritis in my fingers over the last couple of years.  I'm shocked at how quickly one of my fingers is becoming misshapen and bent.  It has taken me some time to accept that these things are happening to me, but then I remember that I can still walk and I can still type and do crafts.  My glasses are now stronger magnification, but I can still see to sew and my hearing isn't as good as it was but I can still hear.  My blessings outweigh the others.

 

"I just will be happy when I’m feeling some positive emotions again, and have a good laugh. I used to laugh a lot and have fun. And appreciate and feel for my family. If I could do that again, I wouldn’t care if I got another thing back. "

 

Stop looking to the future for your happiness.  It's an "if only" way of looking at things.  We don't know what the future holds.  Look to what you do currently have in the present.  It can make a huge difference to how you get through this.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I appreciate it. I know you’re giving me good advice. I am looking backwards.  I would just take feeling stable, and knowing I was doing the right thing for myself. I guess you’re living proof that this can work. 

[Downbutnotout]

13 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Hey, D.  Hope you are doing ok tonight.  Hoping you will wake up completely healed tomorrow . . . Well, one can dream, right?!  Take care, Rosetta

Wouldn’t that be lovely. I woke up worrying that I’m not following the right path. Remember, when you could go the doctor, and follow advice. I guess you still can when you have a physical illness. The problem is with this situation, nobody can give you a definite solution. What works for one person might not work for another. It seems like you are making definite progress and that’s good!  You have confidence and faith in what you’re doing.

[Downbutnotout]

On 2/21/2018 at 10:26 PM, Littlegrandma said:

D

Jumping over to your thread cuz we were on DS’s. 

If you want emotions, you don’t want lexapro. I was brain dead on that. I’m only half way off, emotions have come back but it’s mostly bad emotions- fear mostly. Plus I have dp/ dr 24/7. I am having such a hard time getting off of this, I would never take another drug. Lexapro is evil. 

 

This is my second ad drug. I took Zoloft years ago. I didn’t know it was an anti depressant when I started taking it. Dr gave it to me for insomnia. Worked like a charm. I felt great on it. No start up effects or wd and I went off cold turkey. Just had the swooshes in my head up to 18 mo. I went on lexapro cuz I had anxiety, probably from insomnia again. Lexapro made my sleep worse. 

 

I think your your emotions will come back with time. You’re lucky you don’t have physical symptoms. Depression and anxiety are horrible. Im sorry you’re suffering. But I have that plus the physical....

headaches, nausea, body pain, pins and needles, tremors, tinnitus, pressure in my head and ears, eyes  etc etc. I’m just saying this so you don’t consider taking lexapro. 

 

It seems you’ve had small improvements lately. Give it more time before you jump onto another med. If you can exercise, you should do it. I can’t do anything but slow, slow walk or the head pressure gets so crazy, I fear I’ll have a stroke or seizure. 

 

Going to bed. I’ve been up since 2:45 this morning. I don’t have kids here tomorrow, so if you want to talk, I’ll be around. 

Good night.  xx lg

I read on your threat all the agony you’ve been through. I’m so sorry I haven’t been more empathetic.  And I’m so self absorbed that I didn’t even tell you how sorry I am that you’re suffering so much. 

[Littlegrandma]

14 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I read on your threat all the agony you’ve been through. I’m so sorry I haven’t been more empathetic.  And I’m so self absorbed that I didn’t even tell you how sorry I am that you’re suffering so much. 

You don’t need to apologize. I sure understand. We’re all self absorbed at this time. It’s all I can think or talk about. Distracting is hard when you feel so crappy. 

 

Right now I’m worried about my little guy. He’s just been triaged at the ER. Don’t have details but he fell and has a deep gash near his eye. I’m on my way to pick up his sister. 

When it rains it pours. 

xx Lg

[Downbutnotout]

1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I appreciate it. I know you’re giving me good advice. I am looking backwards.  I would just take feeling stable, and knowing I was doing the right thing for myself. I guess you’re living proof that this can work. 

 

[Downbutnotout]

1 minute ago, Littlegrandma said:

You don’t need to apologize. I sure understand. We’re all self absorbed at this time. It’s all I can think or talk about. Distracting is hard when you feel so crappy. 

 

Right now I’m worried about my little guy. He’s just been triaged at the ER. Don’t have details but he fell and has a deep gash near his eye. I’m on my way to pick up his sister. 

When it rains it pours. 

xx Lg

Oh my gosh! Hope he’s going to be all right! Let us know. 

[Littlegrandma]

6 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Oh my gosh! Hope he’s going to be all right! Let us know. 

The little guy is doing fine. He required several stitches, which will come out on his 2nd bday. That’ll be one to remember. My 5 yr old granddaughter had a rough time. She was with him when it happened. You know how much the head bleeds. Of course, it freaked her out and she’s such a sensitive soul. 

 

How are you doing? 

[Downbutnotout]

Aw!  That is lucky. It could’ve been worse! I am hanging in there.  I am the same. Still waiting for windows. LOL. I ‘ve had a few moments here and there. I almost had a real tear earlier. Progress. That’s sweet that your granddaughter is a sensitive soul. One has to be careful with their little feelings. 

[Littlegrandma]

D, I know a few moments here and there is not near enough, but it’s a start. I can’t wait for you to have a real window. You need incentive to not go on another med. Its going to happen!!  

 

I didnt cry on lexapro. I didn’t laugh either. But boy,can I cry now. Sometimes I laugh,  but it’s usually not real. I can’t wait to laugh so hard that I am crying. I remember the last day that happened- where I was and who I was with. It was last summer after my first taper of lexapro, the first time I felt good in 2 yrs. Seems like a long time ago. 

[RealMe]

Hi D,

Yes, abilify was killer to withdraw from, and the dystonia and tremors may be permanent side effects I'll have to learn to live with.  Heaven knows what other effects these meds have had on my poor brain.  But, I've learned about neuroplasticity (sp?) on this SA forum.  That means that the brain and central nervous system are capable of miraculous healing.  Let's you and I count on that...at least give it a good long try!