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staystrong

How do I handle the holidays??

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staystrong

dear everyone, i am so sick right now in WD that i can barely manage to think about anything. i am extremely depressed with huge anhedonia, d/p and d/r. i cannot eat, it makes me vomit. too much anxiety. this has been going on for almost one year now and my husband and 22 year old daughter who is living with us while attending college do not get it at all. who could??

 

in the past i was the leader of the family , the fun one. the one who made things happen. now christmas is coming and i am terrified about what to do. how do others going through extreme WD manage?

 

i feel like such a useless piece of a human being. i have lost my fun-loving, happy self who made life sparkle. our little family is rudderless now. i just want to die i hate myself and this painful excuse for a life too much. it is not worth living when i am no longer me and can no longer experience even an hour of happiness.  HELP!!!
 

 

 

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RealMe

Hello Staystrong,

I am so sorry you are feeling such painful symptoms, and I hope you feel better soon.   You are certainly a valuable person, and your fun-loving, happy self is still you.  You are just struggling right now.  I can certainly relate to the way you feel.  I try to hold onto the fact that these symptoms of withdrawal can be surmounted; and my brain can be healed.  I believe this because I have read a lot of success stories in this forum.  Please keep sharing your story.

 

I am keeping the holidays very simple this year and staying in touch with people on this forum to keep me stable.  All I want is to be stable; my fun self has to learn to be patient.  Keep in touch.  I know your sparkle is right around the corner.

 

 

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staystrong

thank-you so much for responding as i feel so desperate right now. i cannot experience joy and am so demotivated i can barely leave my room. i ordered all my gifts online and now i'm doubting my choices and i spent way too much to make it up to my husband and daughter. I have to skip Christmas dinner and do something basic instead. Also i don't know if i can wrap all my gifts because i am so overcome with anxiety and fear. please keep in touch i really need a friend. Also as a side note, my husband has aspergers and therefore lacks all empathy and is always irritable and incapable of doing much. He is also very miserly and i know he will not want to keep my gifts as a way of hurting me. i have always loved christmas but now i feel nothing but anxiety everyday. plus i cry daily. really feel so alone please respond and thank-you for responding.

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RealMe

Dear Staystrong,

I'm sorry to read all the suffering you have been through.  It's amazing that you were able to do all of your Christmas shopping.  I was just thinking...maybe you could put away one or two of the gifts you bought for your husband if you think he will not appreciate your thoughtfulness.  If he happens to be receptive for a change, you could always go to your closet and pull out another one.  If he's not, then at least you tried to keep things economical.  We can't change anyone but ourselves.  How old is your daughter?  Will she appreciate her gifts?  If so, maybe that will take some attention off any possible Grinchy reactions!

 

I can certainly relate to the crying and anxiety symptoms.  Reading on this site comforts and encourages and distracts me when it gets real bad.  When you leave your room, what do you do?  At least you care about Christmas and giving gifts.  That is certainly a plus in your favor, that in spite of your severe withdrawal symptoms, you still care about trying to have spirit and make others happy with gifts from your heart.

 

I hope you feel some relief and stability very soon; but in the meantime, let's just get through this day together.

Best,

RealMe

2 hours ago, staystrong said:

thank-you so much for responding as i feel so desperate right now. i cannot experience joy and am so demotivated i can barely leave my room. i ordered all my gifts online and now i'm doubting my choices and i spent way too much to make it up to my husband and daughter. I have to skip Christmas dinner and do something basic instead. Also i don't know if i can wrap all my gifts because i am so overcome with anxiety and fear. please keep in touch i really need a friend. Also as a side note, my husband has aspergers and therefore lacks all empathy and is always irritable and incapable of doing much. He is also very miserly and i know he will not want to keep my gifts as a way of hurting me. i have always loved christmas but now i feel nothing but anxiety everyday. plus i cry daily. really feel so alone please respond and thank-you for responding.

 

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TeaBea

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you've been mentally injured this way by modern medicine....by doctors who hoped they were helping you.  It's criminal what's happening to trusting patients these days.  I've never been a "doctor-goer".  A med was used on me off-label a long time ago and left lasting repercussions.  I decided I guess I'll just have to die when it's my turn :-)   I decided to trust in what the Bible says, "the number of my days He will fulfill".  I mean, if I have a heart attack or an accident (something acute), take me and let them patch me up, but otherwise, I'll stay away....and stay away from the meds they peddle.  My position on that only gets stronger the more I learn from people like you and your experience.  So see....you have something to offer!  Your life right now is a testimonial for some people on the edge.....

 

I think the body, by itself, has an incredible capacity to heal itself if given time, good nutrients, loving thoughts, etc.  If you're not well yet....well, you're just not done yet.  I think, though, the more you push against what's wrong right now, the more you'll get of something to "push against":  what you resist, persists.  Find ways to distract yourself onto something good, nice to think about.  A vision of a happy place.  A few seconds at a time until you can do it for a few minutes at a time.  

 

When you're so stressed and obsessive with thoughts, have a mantra that you can chant over and over.  It's better than focusing on the thoughts that are coming up.  Mine, for a long time, was "every day in every way, I am better and better and better."  I even had it set to a tune that I would sing in the shower (I tend to ruminate in the shower).  Or the ho'oponopono (sp?), the Hawaiian spiritual healing whatever, chant.... it's "I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you."  I do that one a lot.  I've decided that the "person" I'm saying it to is myself, not to others.  

 

As for the others in your household.  It is what it is.  The more you struggle, the more they do, too.  You can't control what they think or feel in regards to you, so stop trying.  You have to offer your good thoughts to yourself, first, before you have anything to offer others.  You need to be selfish right now, in doing what's easiest for you to do / handle.  If you try and spread yourself too thin, you just get worse off, and then there still isn't any healing.  

 

Can you send your husband and daughter to this site?  For them to read and perhaps better understand what it is you're going through...that it's more common than anyone knows, etc.  Or send them the "SSRI stories" (of users and spouses) so they can see that it could actually be worse.  THAT is an eye opener.  Was for me--it gave me more patience with my husband.

 

Sending thoughts of peace your way...and to all the others who are struggling right now.....

TB

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