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tezza: risperdal withdrawal


tezza

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Well I mailed the $40 back to the McDonald's in TN. The lady at the PO said if it were her she'd put it in the plate at church but I didn't feel it was mine to give. I prayed that it would go to the right hands. It's off my conscience now, thankfully!

 

If something like that ever happens again, I WILL take the time right then to check my purse. Guilt eats at me and depresses me. I can't deal with feeling guilty about something like that. I do believe God will put it in the hands of someone that REALLY needs it. I have to believe that for my own peace of mind.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Tezza, how are things going? Thinking of you!

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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  • 1 year later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I made a post but for some reason it didn't post.

 

Please remove my membership from the forum. I can't support leaving medications off. I can't leave medications off.

 

I have nothing but love for you all and wish you all the best.

 

I will sincerely appreciate your honoring my request to be removed.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I am SO desperate to be well. I had hoped to be able to get down to 50 mg of Seroquel but it's not going to happen. I slowly got to 75 but I'm going to have to go back up to 100 at least, maybe higher. I wish the Risperdal had not had the very bad adverse effects. I've been told that when I was on it I was better than I'd ever been.

 

I'm sorry I'm not able to help others, I can't even help my own self.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I will be updating here. I have resigned as moderator because I can't get off psych meds. Even after an extremely slow taper I ended up VERY unwell and it's been over a year since restarting psych meds but still not well.

 

I do have 'windows' I suppose. I feel really hopeless and desperate. I can't help being envious of people with 'a life'. I'm trying very very hard not to get any bitterness of not having happiness that I see others with.

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Tezza,

Thank you for sharing your experience and insight. I'm in a very similar place. I think it's important to know how more people are doing and how they've tried to stabilized after attempting to taper.

 

Love to you always. Xo

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Tezza,

 

So nice to meet you.

 

I have never had the pleasure of speaking to you before, but after catching your thread and reading through the last few pages of it, I felt compelled to write to you.

 

You are a courageous woman of integrity. You have survived many challenges and will continue to do so. Of this, I have no doubt.

 

Your drug status is neither an indicator of the person you are, neither can it detract from the core of who you are. Your true self is evident within every single post that you have written. It shines through.

 

You are definitely not a failure. You are a strong, vibrant woman, full of courage and a sense of self and what is true to you.

 

I admire and respect the person that you are. I wish you peace and the best of everything in all that you do.

 

You are a shining star a woman of great strength and value.

 

I do not pray, but I light a candle daily and meditate on it and good intentions for all of those who I hold close to my heart and never far from my thoughts.

 

My daily candle will now burn for you too. I hope that it shines a light on all that you are, what you mean to others and brings you peace.

 

Be kind to yourself, Tezza. You are worth so much more than you currently know. I hope that peace finds you soon and becomes a constant and loyal companion to you.

 

Much love and huge hugs.

 

Tilly x

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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Tezza, I just want to thank you for the kindness that you have shown me. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry it has been so hard. I pray you and your family can work together to find a place of peace and stability for you.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you, Barb, Tilly and Meimei. I wish I'd never got the stupid thought that I HAD to get off the meds. I just needed to try to find the right meds and I'm not sure I've done so but I'm still trying. I wish the Risperidone had not had the intolerable side effects because it helped more than the Seroquel according to people around me.

 

I've been told that I seemed to do better on it than I EVER had before. I also wish I had not left off the Neurontin because it helped with more than one thing. I got it in my head that I JUST HAD TO GET OFF MEDS. What a huge MISTAKE! I have not had much of a life since making that mistake.

 

Why on earth did I think I HAD TO DO THAT?

 

I don't feel like a very strong person, Tilly but I really really appreciate the kind and loving words you said to me. I do love ALL people no matter what or how they feel about me but I don't love myself very much I'm afraid. Your words made me feel special in a way though so I sincerely appreciate it.

 

Much love and huge hugs to all!

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  • Administrator

tezza, you've been very brave and very generous to everyone.

 

You've minimized the drugs you were taking. You were taking Xanax, SOMA, Lorcet, Neurontin, Lamictal, and Risperdal! That's a lot of drugs for one person. When you came here, you could barely type a sentence. And along the way, you've helped many people.

 

If the Risperdal was intolerable, you had to make a change. That is what intolerable means.

 

According to the people around you? Did they prefer you when you were on 6 drugs and so stupefied you could barely speak? What's important now is, how do you feel?

 

Please don't use this as an occasion to be so cruel to yourself. You've accomplished a great deal. Let it be and follow your own light.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dearest Alto, I can't type at all... I 'one finger' all my posts. I WISH I could type. I'm still on xanax, soma, pain meds, mirtazipine and seroquel so I'm not very much accomplished. I don't drive... Had to sign a pain management form agreeing not to drive.

 

I feel like a piece of garbage... I'm sorry... I just wish I could find peace and happiness. You all are the STRONG ones. I've been crying most of the day... Not very strong... I'm scared of everything... Literally. Im not sleeping very well again. My nerves are shot. I feel good for nothing or no one at this point in my life. I feel sorry for my husband that I've divorced twice and begged back twice.

 

I'm such a freakin' loser

 

I'm so sorry... I don't mean to be so negative.

 

Tilly, you were wrong but your words were sweet. Alto, you are very special to a lot of people. Meimei, so are you and Barb. Barb, I've thought about you often... You always came to my rescue at some of my desperate times.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I thought I'd been kidnapped when I went to that hospital. I thought I'd never see home again. I NEVER wish that on anyone, EVER! After my best friend passed I totally lost my mind for a while. I'd wished for the Mania I'd read about (thinking I was great) but will be careful not to wish for it again. I thought that would be better than the deep dark depression but it wasn't because I had no rational thoughts but thought I was the only one that was thinking right.

 

I had others to sway my paranoia by their thoughts and fears (friend's son). My husband KNEW I'd been very unwell for six months according to what he told daughter. Finally it came to a point that I couldn't be left alone. Have been very scared at times again but getting better.

 

trying to focus on positive things... I must

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  • Moderator Emeritus

im much more careful about letting others put thoughts of theirs in my mind now. And you are right, as usual, Alto... I'm not on the high doses I was before. I'm sorry I was so negative in the other post. None of us are 'garbage'.

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  • 10 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Just dropping in to update.... I've began seeing my first psychiatrist again. Now wishing I'd worked with him and taken his advice. I should've let him know the Risperdal was having adverse effects. He really is a good doctor that knows what he's doing. Lack of communication on my part because of paranoia was the problem.

 

I'm ok but still struggling with concentration, focus and some depression. Physical health has deteriorated much in past couple of years and this doesn't help the depression at all. Actually, a couple of years ago I babysat my 2-1/2 yr old granddaughter for a couple of weeks and I haven't been the same since. It was too much for me and I knew it but there was no other way.

 

I hope you are all doing well! I think of you all but can't come and post since I'm still taking psych meds and always will. It's just what I have to do to remain stable. I hope you all understand, I can't go off the meds.

 

Sending you all love, well wishes and hope!

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Tezza,

I rarely check in here, but I'm glad to see your update here.

 

I doubt that I'll ever get off all drugs, but have an appointment tomorrow with a CNP who seems willing to work with me.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 2 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Barb, I hope you get the help you need. I rarely check in either because I don't have any good news.

 

I will never be well, I've come to that conclusion. I'm still depressed, paranoid, have thoughts that others in my family believe are delusional. I don't know whether they are right or not because what I believe is real to me. The other Doctor I went to seemed to think my thoughts were delusional if I remember correctly.

 

I will never be free of severe physical pain and of course that doesn't help the depression at all. My whole family is going thru hell and there's nothing I can do. I'm scared a lot. I'm just not in a very good place.

 

I can't help but wonder why and who decided that I deserve the hell I am living. I look forward to NOTHING! I have NO happy times.

 

I will never trust anyone new in my life again. I pray to just die because I have no life anyway. I've stopped driving, I go nowhere unless I just really MUST!

 

Thanks for replying Barb and I really hope you get help.

 

Love to you! Xo

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Tezza.  There are times when we all feel this way but we keep going. I'm so sorry for your pain - I get it. This is some kind of hell that is  quite inexplicable . So sorry .

It does start to improve though in time.

Much love .

A

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you ALig but I still pray to die almost every day, if not every day. I am not suicidal at all but I pray to die. I think there's a difference.

 

Now, I've began falling a lot. I use a cane ALL the time and it is extremely difficult to stand from a sitting position. My spouse installed a handicap commode but it's very hard to get up. I love my family and feel I'm a burden to my spouse. I can't help anyone if I can't even help myself. Sometimes I fall even though I'm using a cane. My legs just won't stand up! They just collapse. I have a walker but it won't go everywhere, like in the bathroom or up and down the steps from the porch. I'm not looking for pity, so I hope no one thinks that. I just want to stop this existence. It's not getting better, EVERYTHING in my life seems to be getting worse!

 

I'm supposed to get some sort of shot in my butt cheek to see if this will help. Still.... My whole family is going through hell on earth and I don't and can't understand WHY!!!!!

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Tezza, I'm so sad to hear of how you're doing. I understand your feelings about wanting this existence to end, but not being suicidal. It is very different. I think the physical disabilties make it much harder.

 

Love, B

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 1 year later...
On 5/7/2013 at 9:01 AM, tezza said:

Hi medsurvivor,

 

Welcome! It sounds like you've come a long way. I'm anxious to hear more about your experience.

 

I'm tapering Risperdal too, have been since July '11.

 

We're glad you've joined us!

 

Tezza how Are you doing today ?

Edited by ChessieCat

Risperdal 3 mg 2014-2015

Abilify 10 mg 2015-2017

Risperdal consta 37,5 mg 2017

Latuda 37 mg 2018

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  • 5 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi tezza, 

 

How are you doing? Sending hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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  • 2 years later...

Hi, Tezza. I haven't been here for years aside from a few check-ins for info. I think about you and hope you have found some relief for your suffering. 

 

You are a wonderful, compassionate, generous, intelligent, and GENUINE woman who I have always had great respect for. 

 

I've now lost all of my family (aside from husband; including my last 2 horses and 2 dogs) in the last few years and not doing well. I remember that you went through a terrible time of several losses and can't imagine how you coped. 

 

I hope to update my thread, but it's quite overwhelming. 

 

It's always a bit *amusing* to see where my phone thinks I am in the world and it recently thinks I've been in your area! I WISH! 

 

Please feel free to message me anytime. 

You are loved dearly, my friend ❤️

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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