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Kristine

Thank you @Rosetta and @Rabe for your support, it means the world to me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I'll be able to visit your threads. Much Love and hugs. K xo

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Carmie
1 hour ago, Kristine said:

Update: Yesterday and today involved the added addition of situational life stress. Unable to avoid. All other symtoms remain on full volume. Feel like I'm been pummelled from every conceivable angle. My cns can not handle stress.  I want to crawl under a rock. 

💜 K xo

 

So sorry to hear this Kristine, 

 

 I know how it feels. Everything feels overwhelming at times and we do want to crawl under a rock. This really is the hardest thing we will ever go through. When added stress and situations come upon us it all seems too much. 

 

Sometimes it it feels like no windows will ever come but they eventually do.

 

Just want to let you know I’m thinking of you💚

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kristine

Thank you @Carmie for your kind words. Tomorrow is a new day. Fingers crossed. Much Love K xo

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Scorpio

Hi Kristine 

‘so sorry to read you are having such a horrible time. I hope everything eases for you very soon. 

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Rosetta

Hugs.  I hope you had some rest plastic night and everything can calm down soon.  

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Rabe

How was today, Kristine??? Been thinking about you!!

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wantrelief

I have been thinking about you too, my friend, and hoping you are doing ok.  Lots of hugs - WR.

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Kristine

Hello dear friends, Thank you @Scorpio, @Rosetta, @Rabe And @wantrelief, for all your kind thoughts and support...I apologise for my delayed response.

 

Update: Unfortunately I am very unwell. The lastest period continues. 10 days now. I am beyond fatigued. Can barely move. Have been plagued with migraines and daily headaches and all the other wd symptoms which I won't repeat purely to reserve my energy. Insomnia continues, the brief moments of sleep I have are interrupted with nightmares and heavy sweating.  I will be making an appointment with my gynaecologist tomorrow. My husband is extremely worried. I'm very pale...I'm probably anaemia and my BP is low. We are moving home in a few weeks and the thought is just too overwhelming. I am bedbound and emotionally wrought, I have no tears left. I'll just have to see what tomorrow brings.

 

As always you are all in thoughts. I haven't been commenting on any other threads due to no energy and brain sludge, however just know I am reading your threads and continue to send virtual hugs across the pond. Much Love K 💖

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wantrelief

Oh no....I am so very sorry to read that you have continued to have the bleeding along with the other awful symptoms. You are always in my thoughts.  Much love and big hugs - WR.❤️

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Rabe

Kristine have you thought about going to the ER?  Is your bleeding heavy??  Worried about you.   What is your BP..do you know?

Did you have a blood test??  You still have another day before you would ba able to see a doctor on Monday.  If you are feeling 

worse please consider an urgent care or ER to have those things monitored??  Take care!!

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Rosetta

So sad for you.

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Im really sorry you are so unwell. Just wanted to let you know you’re in my thoughts.

 

I know the feeling when there are no tears left, you just become numb.  

 

A lot of people here care about you and are hoping you pick up a little soon. 

 

Hope the gynaecologist can help you.

 

Sending hugs 🤗🤗

 

 

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Scorpio

Hi Kristine 

‘I’m so sorry you are going through all this suffering. I hope the gynaecologist can help tomorrow to at least sort out the bleeding issues.  Put the house move to the back of your mind for the moment if you can and just take one day at a time. 

Im thinking of you and wish you a speedy recovery. 

 

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FarmGirlWorks

@Kristine: much, much love from across the world. It seems like we do get everything-but-the-kitchen-sink thrown at us at the same time. The battle fatigue is one of the harder things to deal with, in my opinion. And losing blood at such a rate must be so debilitating in addition to everything else.

 

In AA they advise "one day at a time" but in withdrawal it's more like "one minute at a time." I admire your can-do attitude. It reminds me of what my yoga teacher said this time last year after a singer took his life because of depression (and too much Ativan): "He simply just forgot to wait one more day." Waiting one more day or one more minute is what we have to always remember.

 

Sending good vibes.

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Kristine

Thank you my dear friends @wantrelief, @Rosetta And @Carmie for your kind messages, Today is a little better in the "lady area" not gone but better. Have an appointment in a couple of weeks with my gynaecologist. On the cancelation list so might be earlier. Just going to rest in bed and eat iron rich foods. If it gets worse again I'll reassess.

23 hours ago, Rabe said:

Kristine have you thought about going to the ER?  Is your bleeding heavy??  Worried about you.   What is your BP..do you know?

 Did you have a blood test??  You still have another day before you would ba able to see a doctor on Monday.  If you are feeling 

Thank you dearest Rabe, the bleeding has lessened today. I haven't had a blood test purely because I don't want to waste any energy leaving the house. My BP has improved slightly...I'm sitting at 100/90 which is low for me but it's not dangerously low. I just need to reassess on a daily basis.

14 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Put the house move to the back of your mind for the moment if you can and just take one day at a time. 

Wise words dear Scorpio, thank you 💖 there is no point worrying about the move at this point..

9 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

much, much love from across the world. It seems like we do get everything-but-the-kitchen-sink thrown at us at the same time. The battle fatigue is one of the harder things to deal with, in my opinion.

Thank you dearest FGW, I agree...the battle fatigue makes any extra burden so difficult. I had to laugh about the kitchen sink because our old kitchen sink was literally thrown over the balcony due to the renovation. Im surprised...due to my current situation...that it didn't hit me in the friggin head! 😳 

9 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

AA they advise "one day at a time" but in withdrawal it's more like "one minute at a time." I admire your can-do attitude. It reminds me of what my yoga teacher said this time last year after a singer took his life because of depression (and too much Ativan): "He simply just forgot to wait one more day." Waiting one more day or one more minute is what we have to always remember.

Oh this is so so true FGW and thank you for the compliment.  It always gets better, changes and evolves. Not just this wd journey but life itself. I really like the sound of your yoga teacher! It is so very important to just "wait one more day" or "one more minute" and to pay close attention to our pain as well as our joy. Even though this is a horrendous experience, I am learning so much and am much more grateful for the tiny blessings that come my way. 

 

(((HUGS))) and Love to you all, 

We will get through this,

💕

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Rosetta

Thinking of you.

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Kristine

Dearest fellow warriors, 

 

Update:  I've been trying to write an update but am struggling because of my diminished cognitive function. I can't find words, type properly or put words to these intense emotions which are tearing me apart. However, I feel I need to document this...I'm feeling lower than low and need to somehow break through this seemingly endless wave which is growing in intensity...more like a tsunami. 

 

Good news first. My period has finally stopped after two brutal weeks. So fingers crossed it stays that way. My BP is stabilising again. 

 

Now for the not so good. My mood is fluctuating at a disturbing rate during the day and night. Insomnia continues and I am so ridiculously fatigued that I can do little other than lie in bed and tremble due to akathisia and raw, clawing, agonising anxiety. The one daily thing I force myself to do, is have a Mag bath. The muscle weakness makes it almost impossible to move around to lessen this internal hell. The weighted blanket arrived...however, this makes me feel more agitated. When I have it on, I feel claustrophobic and can't breath properly which then starts to send me into a panic spiral. So I guess, now is not the time to do a review! 

 

Meditation is is virtually impossible. I can't focus for more than a few seconds. And before my conscious mind is aware, I have begun a cruel self damaging internal dialogue. This just rips me apart further. I am well aware that words such as "you're pathetic" and "what good are you to anyone" are not going to help me heal. I then try to just focus on the temperature of the air going in and out of my nostrils. This helps because it draws my attention away from my nauseated and anxiety riddled snake stomach and the raging, clawing volcanic anxiety in my chest.....cool air in...warm air out...cool air in...warm air out....over and over...this is all I can do other than continually reminded myself that I have been here before and it has passed...this is Wd..this is not me. 

 

I am fluctulating from feeling numb and dead inside to feeling like the terror inside me is going to literally tear me apart. Sometimes I want to rip off my skin due to the burning pain and to let what feels trapped inside out. Set it free. I feel overwhelmed, trapped, scared and so terribly depressed and sad. I have become practically mute at home. I hug my husband and son to let them know how much I love them, but this is all I can manage. I just can't get my words out...it all seems stuck inside. This post has taken hours to write. 

 

So for now I guess all I can do is rest and work through the mental and physical pain as best as I can. I don't even recognise myself when I look in the mirror. This is literally minute by minute at the moment. 

 

Love to you all, 

K xo

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Kristine
37 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Thinking of you.

Thank you Rosetta, I'm thinking of you as well...I promise when I'm up to it, I'll make my way to your thread. Much Love K xo

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Rosetta

I am so very sorry. All my love, R

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wantrelief

I am so terribly sorry for everything you are going through, Kristine.  It is a relief to hear that the bleeding has ceased.  However, everything else you are bravely facing sounds awful.  You are doing everything you can, my courageous friend. I so wish I could do something instead of typing words.  Yes, this will pass as you keep reminding yourself - I am thinking of you and am here by your side until it does.  Much love and lots of hugs - WR.

 

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Kristine

Thank you so very much @Rosetta and @wantrelief for your kind words of support. I just wish I could make all this go away for all of us here on Sa.  I'm having trouble finding the silver lining at the moment but I'm sure a thread will appear from the lining in time. I'm trying not to be completely engulfed by this black mass I find myself in. There is always that tiny glimmer of hope. I'm clinging to hope at the moment. Love to both of you with all my heart, K xo❤️

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Rabe

Oh Kristine, I am teary and overwhelmed reading all you are dealing with...been such a tsunami for you! So wish I could somehow lessen 

the weight, height, length of time...ANYthing...for you.  Please know you are loved and thought of daily.  You give courage and strength a

definition that cannot be put into words.  Hugs, love, and prayers for some relief soon!!

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Skeeter

Kristine,

In Benzo WD, I went through much of this, including odd changes in my period.  Hang in there. This, too, shall pass.  The days you are going through now are so very hard, I remember them too well.  Self care all you can.  Distract yourself whenever possible.

 

I know you do not want more drugs, but have you considered an updose on the Viibryd, maybe not to 10mg, but maybe somewhere in the middle to give you a bit of a break?  With the severity of your issues, you may wish to consider much smaller tapers.  With how recent your taper was, I cannot think of a better reason for your severe increase in symptoms.  Your body may have become partially used to your new dose, which is why I do not think going back to your original dose for the last months might  be as helpful (do not want you to react even more)  Let me know if you would like me to consult other mods on this.  I do not, as a rule suggest specific other doses.  I ask others with more experience.

 

Take each moment as it comes. My coping in times like this was admittedly not much.  I found little things to be helpful, but WD from Viibryd is very different than from a benzo, though our symptoms are very similar overall.  I did odd repetitive movements in bed, just to pass time.  I was unable to read or type, so I am pleased that you can do that sometimes.

 

Hoping this passes soon,

Skeets

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Kristine

Hey Skeeter, Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I have been in this hell before and I just need to keep reminding myself that it will pass. Or at least lessen in intensity. This is easier said than done. 

27 minutes ago, Skeeter said:

know you do not want more drugs, but have you considered an updose on the Viibryd, maybe not to 10mg,

I think you may have me confused with Rabe. I've never taken Viibryd. I'm suffering from wd from multiple medications (benzodiazepines, antidepressants, antipsychotics and a stimulant). The most recent being dexamphetamine and Fluoxetine. I was most probably suffering symptoms from serotonin syndrome and a drug interaction between these two drugs. These particular symptoms have gone (eg. Muscular spasm causing jerking and distorted extremities, seizure, hypertension and tachycardia etc...)...so it was the right decision...just have to weather the storm unfortunately. 

 

Much Love 

K xo

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Kristine
1 hour ago, Rabe said:

Oh Kristine, I am teary and overwhelmed reading all you are dealing with...been such a tsunami for you! So wish I could somehow lessen 

the weight, height, length of time...ANYthing...for you.  Please know you are loved and thought of daily.  You give courage and strength a

definition that cannot be put into words.  Hugs, love, and prayers for some relief soon!!

Thank you Rabe for your kind words, you are such a giving person amongst your own struggles, so I just want you to know I appreciate the time and effort you have taken to offer me support. I promise I will get to your thread in time. Hugs, Love and prayers to you as well. K xo

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Skeeter

You are right, I was looking at the signature above the post I was writing, I do apologize.  I am dealing still with the kickback of my body being thrust into full benzo WD (last week) due to trying sugarless gum again (one pack after about 19 months with zero artificial sugar).  As a result, I am not thinking as clearly as usual, but still want to help.  Thank you for your kindness about my error.  It can be difficult to think at times currently.  This is why having mods who have been through (or are going through) WD is critical here at SA. 

 

Now many in WD have found that they CANNOT handle Fish oil and/or Mag Citrate.  Since these are the only recent changes, unless you have dealt with a huge amount of stress that came on like a freight train (moving is stressful, but not what I was thinking, more of getting awful news, or a fight, something that brings on the fight or flight reaction), but doing too much physically can put you in this state as well, but as we chatted, I noticed you slowly felt worse and worse recently.  The increase in Mag Citrate and addition of fish oil could be doing this.  one or both.  I would maybe stop the fish oil first, if I understand right, you added this about the time you really started to feel awful.  Try that first, if no improvement, maybe consider stopping or cutting back on the Mag Citrate. If you like, you can try stopping both, the adding in a bit of Mag to see if you can handle it still.  In WD our system is always changing, so what worked very recently can stop at any time.  I had over 50 s/sx when in WD, but they were dynamic, always changing, some would come, others would leave.  I never imagined artificial sugar would affect me in such a serious way.  If you have artificial sugar in your diet, you may want to consider looking at that.  it gave e that "raw" feeling you explain so well.  I had it last week after not having it in many months.  I would not have believed it had my diet not been set in stone, so I could tell what the only change was.

 

I am here if you need anything (as much as I can be)-  being thrown from feeling normal into benzo WD  has tossed me off my game in waves for the moment.

(((BIG AIR HUG)))

Skeets

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FarmGirlWorks

Wow, @Kristine: you are one tough cookie. All of that sounds overwhelming, downright crazy. I wish I could take the pain away but it sounds like you’re doing everything right. Good vibes ><>

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Rabe

I agree with you.  ANY changes for me have not worked...not supplements or diet changes or routine changes...seems by body just wants to be left alone to try to figure out the situation its in now and wants nothing more...

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Kristine
1 hour ago, Skeeter said:

You are right, I was looking at the signature above the post I was writing, I do apologize.  I am dealing still with the kickback of my body being thrust into full benzo WD (last week) due to trying sugarless gum again (one pack after about 19 months with zero artificial sugar).  As a result, I am not thinking as clearly as usual, but still want to help.  Thank you for your kindness about my error.  It can be difficult to think at times currently.  This is why having mods who have been through (or are going through) WD is critical here at SA. 

Oh Skeets! There is no need to apologise! I can certainly understand the difficulties in thinking...sometimes I have trouble turning on the kettle! 😳 I just so appreciate your support.  Thank you 🙂 I'll give all your other suggestions some thought. I haven't had fish oil for two days...so I don't think it's that...I'll cease magnesium and see how I go. I hope your symptoms ease soon...I don't eat artificial sweetener...it really is extraordinary how sensitive our symptoms are. I think the biggest part of this is 'battle fatigue'...this has been going on for so many years and I just don't have much physical or mental strength left. 

 

Big (((air hug))) back

K xo

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Kristine
1 hour ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Wow, @Kristine: you are one tough cookie. All of that sounds overwhelming, downright crazy. I wish I could take the pain away but it sounds like you’re doing everything right. Good vibes ><>

Thank you FGW...I really appreciate your continuing kindness and support...sending you good vibes and a hug from across the pond. Much Love. K xo

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Rabe

Thinking bout you Kristine!

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Kristine
3 hours ago, Rabe said:

Thinking bout you Kristine!

Thank you Rabe, thinking of you as well. Love and hugs. K xo

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Kristine
18 hours ago, Skeeter said:

unless you have dealt with a huge amount of stress that came on like a freight train (moving is stressful, but not what I was thinking, more of getting awful news, or a fight, something that brings on the fight or flight reaction), but doing too much physically can put you in this state as well,

Hey Skeets, I've been thinking about this...I did have a stressful event last week which was compounded because my husband was away for the week...it wasn't life destroying but I found it difficult to navigate through because any kind of stress seems to trigger my CNS. I'm practically living in a bubble to try and give myself the best chance to heal. I'm not able to do physical activity due to the fatigue,muscle weakness, dizziness/virtigo, headaches/migraines (there are many more symptoms). The other stress is moving home at the end of the month. However, my beautiful 90 year old mother in law is moving in with us. This was the purpose of the major renovation (disabled access etc). I'm feeling shattered because I know I won't be able to care for her as much as I had planned. I feel like my plans have fallen in a puddle and I am letting yet another person down. I know intellectually that this kind of thinking is fruitless but I'm finding it difficult to shift. 

 

I really think my current state is due to an accumulation of many factors leading to 'battle fatigue' and my diminished ability to implement my usual self care techniques (I still try).....

  • Kindled due to the many drugs and changes
  • Protracted withdrawal from multiple psychotropics... most recently fluoxetine and dexamphetamine
  • insomnia...on average 3-5 hours sleep but always broken sleep (this is ongoing and I'm completely worn out) 
  • 2 heavy periods very long in duration in one month (triggering severe endometriosis pain)...possible anemia
  • Colder weather/cloudy rainy days. Not able to sit in the garden daily in the sun...this was of great benefit and I need to be careful of my vitamin D level. Big problem in Tasmania during the winter months.
  • There is so much more but these are all I can think of at the moment. 

So I really don't think I can do much other than ride it out. Problem is I have virtually no energy left. Every single simple task is exhausting. Even brushing my teeth is a challenge. Day by day I guess. 

 

Much Love and Hugs. K xo

 

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DMV64
8 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Problem is I have virtually no energy left.

Oh honey. I relate to this. Every night I go to sleep and just pray I can manage the next day. Thinking of you...xoxoxo

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Rabe

Hope the days improve, Kristine!

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Carmie

Hi Kristine, 

 

Im so sorry you are going through such a rough time. I know what debilitating fatigue feels like as I’ve had CFS for over twenty years.

 

I guess I’m used to being at the edge of collapsing all the time so it’s nothing new to me with withdrawals. It’s been my life for a really long time. 

 

Withdrawals like I’ve mentioned really take it to another level. The akathisia n the anxiety etc etc etc when you’re in a wave are horrific.

 

Im sorry the weighted blanket wasn’t of much help to you but made you feel claustrophobic. I’m still going to eventually get one when I have the finances. I seem to be spending any extra money I have on DVDs for distraction and I also love buying presents for friends as it makes me happy. I spend a fortune on wool as I make one blanket after another for friends, it’s my therapy. I love it! 

 

Sending you BIG BIG HUGS xx

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