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Pluto

Pluto: 1 Year Off Lexapro; 3 Years off Xanax

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Pluto

Good Day,

 

I wish I could say that my withdrawal symptoms from quitting Lexapro are the worst, but quitting Xanax takes that title. I have been off Xanax for two years and six months. The first day was the worst, the first year was the worst, and I am not feeling any Xanax issues now except waking up in a cold sweat every night since 2014. Anyway, I have not looked back or taken Xanax ever again. During that entire ordeal, I was still on Lexapro. I didn't quit it also because I didn't want to do too much at once. I finally quit Lexapro on the 25th of Dec 2016. 

 

Side note: To help me quit Xanax, I was put on Seroquel and Neurontin at rehab, and I gained 20kgs in 6 months which I am still trying to lose. I have lost half of it, but for some reason, my metabolism is no longer the same. I can't lose weight after rehab. I quit Seroquel cold turkey and tapered off Nuerontin. I took it for about six months and stopped when the weight piled on.

 

Back to why I am here: The first month after quitting Lexapro was alright. Just brain zaps and nothing else really. I thought, "Wow! Quitting these antidepressants is very easy! I should have done it earlier." I was basing my experience on Xanax, which is harder at the beginning and easier with time. I didn't expect things to begin falling apart later, and boy are they falling apart. Month two drug free was also not too bad, but it was filled with episodes of sadness. Month three became worse than month two, and I felt withdrawn and my lust for life started disappearing again. Month four was worse than month three and I felt myself losing more joy, being darker than I have ever been. Month five, my current situation, is a hot mess! My anxiety is back, my depression is back, and actually they are back and worse than ever. My obsessive thoughts are back. Oh, and my sexual urges are back, after years of thinking that I might be asexual. The problem is, my sexual urges are disconnected from my emotions, so as horny as I am, I still don't feel like having sex with my husband, and the whole thing is making me panic for several reasons. My insomnia is back. I am weepy and frustrated. My pessimism is back. I hate life right now. My face is braking out and for this last week, I have been unable to eat so I also feel awful due to that, I am sure. I could go on for days about how awful I feel right now. I have not left bed for a week!

 

I have made music though. Actually, I started having the urge and will to create music around month 3 of quitting. Before that, I though I would never make music again. So, there are pros and cons to this quitting, more cons than pros though, currently. 

 

I was thinking of going back on Lexapro when I happened on this website. I have now changed my mind. I thought I was just getting worse and worse until I end up committing suicide, however from the posts I have read, it gets better apparently, and none of my torture is unusual. I was suppose to start a family this year but now I have doubts. I would wait a year but I am 35 in three months so... 

 

I am taking, and have been for over a year, Magnesium (a high dose), Iron Fumarate (I have severe anemia), Vitamin C (a very high dose), Probiotics, L-Theanine, Vitamin B Complex and Vitamin B12 on top, 5HTP and Valerian, camomile tea when I have the strength to make it. 

 

Mood:  Very Blue. Like in the pic. :(

post-9716-0-15473300-1496099916_thumb.jpg

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Madeleine

Welcome to the forum.   One of the moderators will hopefully be here to welcome you too.  Sorry to hear you are feeling so unwell now.  How long was your taper off Lexapro? 

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Pluto

Welcome to the forum.   One of the moderators will hopefully be here to welcome you too.  Sorry to hear you are feeling so unwell now.  How long was your taper off Lexapro? 

Thank you for the warm welcome. 

 

I tapered off for about 8 months. A long time I think. I went from 40mg to 20mg for 2 months. Then I went to 10mg for 2 months. Then 5mg for another a month. Then lastly I did the escitalopram droplets and I took 8, 6, 4 drops on the remaining 3 months respectively. 

 

Maybe I should have stayed longer on it, but the brain zaps begun immediately and I was tired of having them. I thought quitting finally would relieve me. 

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mammaP

Hi Pluto, welcome to SA.  Sadly it is quite common for withdrawal to rear it's ugly head some months after quitting. Even a year or more for a few people! 

 

You will find lots of encouragement here and many, many interesting topics that will help you through. 

After 5 months off there are no guarantees that reinstatement would help and could even make things worse because we often become very sensitive to drugs in withdrawal and react to them when we had been ok previously.  You will get through this and come out of it stronger than you ever thought possible!

 

Take a good look around, it's good to have you here  :)

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Pluto

Hi Pluto, welcome to SA.  Sadly it is quite common for withdrawal to rear it's ugly head some months after quitting. Even a year or more for a few people! 

 

You will find lots of encouragement here and many, many interesting topics that will help you through. 

After 5 months off there are no guarantees that reinstatement would help and could even make things worse because we often become very sensitive to drugs in withdrawal and react to them when we had been ok previously.  You will get through this and come out of it stronger than you ever thought possible!

 

Take a good look around, it's good to have you here  :)

Thank you. <3 

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Pluto

Dear Soldiers in the Fight Against Antidepressants and Benzos,

 

December 25th 2017 marked a year without any AD and just over 3 years without Xanax, and it seems to me that quitting Lexapro was tougher than quitting Xanax, probably because I was still on other medication when I quit Xanax. I can't say that 2017 was fun. In fact, it was one of the toughest years I have ever experienced, second only to the years following my sexual assault by 5 men when I was sixteen (I'm 35 now). 

 

I was so tempted to go back and just take the meds again. The temptation was made even harder by the fact that doctors were throwing these drugs at me all year, and each and every time I had to refuse profusely and tell them that I am not taking ADs anymore. *sigh* Doctors are very disappointing. We fear illicit drug dealers but we should fear the legal drug dealers more because we have been conditioned to accept their advice as infallible due to their qualifications, not considering the fact that they are either corrupt or ignorant of the drugs they dispense to us. Anyway... I digress.

 

I went through it all in 2017. I travelled all over the world, seeing beautiful islands, going to beautiful places, being with the most wonderful man in the world, but derived no pleasure from anything. It was an apathetic year, and apathy is worse than pain sometimes, although logically you would think otherwise. Then, 8 months after all this emptiness, I fell pregnant, and only now, in January 2018, I am starting to feel a bit more joy peering through the cracks of my grey, dreary and lifeless soul. 

 

I can't say that quitting is beneficial right now, but I can say that I have seen an improvement a little. For example, 5 months after quitting, everything came back, anxiety, insomnia, depression, and disatisfaction, all expressing itself though apathy. Then the slump lasted for another few months until I got pregnant, and then I became slightly more upbeat, less fatigued and more present. Then in November I started to feel again, crying for the first time, laughing for the first time, libido up for the first time (only a little), and basically being bombarded by being human. 

 

Now, it is more of experiencing ups and downs than total darkness. So, it is improving. 

 

I had to stop taking supplements since I became pregnant, and I struggled with sleep a lot at first, then it got better,  and now it is back to weird sleeping patterns but I sleep enough at least. Maybe the hormone surge of pregnancy is helping, but I definitely am better off than before. 

 

I just wanted to share this with the forum because I wouldn't have even dared to venture into quitting and sticking to it without this community. Also, I want to convey the fact that it gets easier but it is not an easy, quick path. I have come to terms that this journey is probably going to take me 10 years to see the true light of day judging by my progress, but as long as it improves, I am willing to slug though it.

 

Thank you, and Happy New Year to Everyone. 

Edited by scallywag
update title with member's username

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RealMe
2 hours ago, Pluto said:

 

December 25th 2017 marked a year without any AD and just over 3 years without Xanax, and it seems to me that quitting Lexapro was tougher than quitting Xanax, probably because I was still on other medication when I quit Xanax. I can't say that 2017 was fun. In fact, it was one of the toughest years I have ever experienced, second only to the years following my sexual assault by 5 men when I was sixteen (I'm 35 now). 

 

Dear Pluto,

Congratulations on your expected bundle of joy!  I remember feeling a lot better when I was pregnant.  That was a time when I wasn't on meds--a very, very long time ago.  I guess there were some good hormones and attitudes then.  And I applaud you for breaking free of Xanax and Lexapro for a whole year.  Amazing and excellent.  It gives me hope that maybe I can do it with fluoxetine.  Now that you are back in touch with this SA community, you will be reminded of how truly awful it is to be hooked on so-called AD's that don't help and take away your humanity.   I hope you continue to improve and "slug through" the journey.   Keep us posted.

Very best wishes,

RealMe

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LexAnger

grow, beautiful update with great insight! 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience ! I'm so glad you are seeing some light in this darkest tunnel. You are very strong knowing how tough it is as a co- lex victim being off for 3 months now. Your streghth and determination will carry you all the way out of the tunnel!

 

sending speedy healing vibes to you way out to full recovery!

 

lex

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nz11

Pluto a gentle reminder its only one intro thread per person.

That is the rule of the site.

Its a good one as it means everyones story is contained in their very own thread and not scattered all over the place in pieces.

 

Keep those updates coming.

thanks

nz11

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Pluto
4 hours ago, RealMe said:

Dear Pluto,

Congratulations on your expected bundle of joy!  I remember feeling a lot better when I was pregnant.  That was a time when I wasn't on meds--a very, very long time ago.  I guess there were some good hormones and attitudes then.  And I applaud you for breaking free of Xanax and Lexapro for a whole year.  Amazing and excellent.  It gives me hope that maybe I can do it with fluoxetine.  Now that you are back in touch with this SA community, you will be reminded of how truly awful it is to be hooked on so-called AD's that don't help and take away your humanity.   I hope you continue to improve and "slug through" the journey.   Keep us posted.

Very best wishes,

RealMe

Thank you so much! After reading your post, I see that you are weaning off ever so nicely off Fluoxetine. Soon it will be behind you. Good luck with that, and I also see you're taking Magnesium, Fish Oil and Vitamin D. Magnesium saved my life. It is a miracle element that we take for granted. 

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Pluto
17 hours ago, LexAnger said:

grow, beautiful update with great insight! 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience ! I'm so glad you are seeing some light in this darkest tunnel. You are very strong knowing how tough it is as a co- lex victim being off for 3 months now. Your streghth and determination will carry you all the way out of the tunnel!

 

sending speedy healing vibes to you way out to full recovery!

 

lex

Thank you Lex, and I wish you all the strength in the world for your journey also. It might not be as tough as mine, or it might be tougher, but one thing remains, the burden does get lighter with time. 

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Payola
On 1/3/2018 at 7:22 AM, Pluto said:

I was so tempted to go back and just take the meds again. The temptation was made even harder by the fact that doctors were throwing these drugs at me all year, and each and every time I had to refuse profusely and tell them that I am not taking ADs anymore. *sigh* Doctors are very disappointing. We fear illicit drug dealers but we should fear the legal drug dealers more because we have been conditioned to accept their advice as infallible due to their qualifications, not considering the fact that they are either corrupt or ignorant of the drugs they dispense to us.

All of my childhood and high school life i read about how these drugs effect you and how the majority of people are not helped, but just given a crutch that slowly consumes you. General doctors are not only extremely ignorant but i dont believe most know or care what they are really doing. pushing drugs on assumptions are not only what they are trained to do but what they believe is the right thing.

 

I hope to be as strong as you and quit lexapro, but i feel like i cant help but replace one thing for another. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and i dont feel like its real, or that my body and thoughts truly are either. At this time in my life i feel so lost, and its not that i want to be told what to do or set on the paths put in front of us but at the moment i dont see the point. If i had a choice i would have chosen not to be brought into this world, but everyday like you i hope for things to be better in some way.

 

Thank you for sharing, made me feel not so alone.

 

 

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Altostrata

Hello, Payola. Please start an Introductions topic for yourself so we can get to know you.

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Pluto
On 05/01/2018 at 5:14 AM, Payola said:

All of my childhood and high school life i read about how these drugs effect you and how the majority of people are not helped, but just given a crutch that slowly consumes you. General doctors are not only extremely ignorant but i dont believe most know or care what they are really doing. pushing drugs on assumptions are not only what they are trained to do but what they believe is the right thing.

 

I hope to be as strong as you and quit lexapro, but i feel like i cant help but replace one thing for another. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and i dont feel like its real, or that my body and thoughts truly are either. At this time in my life i feel so lost, and its not that i want to be told what to do or set on the paths put in front of us but at the moment i dont see the point. If i had a choice i would have chosen not to be brought into this world, but everyday like you i hope for things to be better in some way.

 

Thank you for sharing, made me feel not so alone.

 

 

Hello Payola,

 

I can not pretend to not know that feeling of hopelessness that you feel right now. I have been through it so many times, and at times, I was even consumed by it, being unable to see a way out. It is a lonely, frightening and dark mind space to be, and quitting the drugs exacerbates it, making it much worse before it gets better. You can quit too, however, you need so much support, so plan it carefully, and wean off it over a long time. I weaned off it over an entire year and I did it in very small increments. It won't be easy to work, and to function at first, and that light at the end of the tunnel will be nowhere to be found until much later. 

 

I am not trying to discourage you to quit. I am merely showing you that you are not being weak, or that you are not defeated. You are a normal victim of these drugs, and it is chemistry, not will or strength of mind. 

 

So, stick around here, read testimonials, and take advice from those who are doing it, and you will find a solution to quit when you are ready mentally to do so. I wish you luck. I wish you hope. I wish you comfort. 

 

Pluto

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Pluto

Hi nz11

 

Oh, I was supposed to post my update on my original into thread? 

 

I didn't know. My apologies. I didn't know so thank you for letting me know. 

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

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scallywag

Pluto, I've moved your post/question to your original introduction topic. SA "rules" are different from other sites. We request that people post questions and updates in ONE introduction topic so that all your information, questions and answers are in one place.

 

To find your way back to this topic:

  1. You may way want to follow this topic so that you get notifications when someone posts in your thread.  Click the gray "Follow this topic" button. A dialog box appears:  select one of the notify options, then click follow this topic in the dialog box. You can then get back to it by clicking on the Activity tab (just below the site logo at the top), then on "My Activity Streams", then "Content I follow".
  2. Setting this web page as a bookmark or favorite in your browser will help you navigate back to it.

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rapunzel2

Hello, Pluto! Nice to hear from somebody who got pregnant while in withdrawal and seems actually a little better! I want to become pregnant, too. Is this your first child? Congratulations! :)

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