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scumoftheearth

Is there hope?

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scumoftheearth

Hello all, 

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. 
I don't know if there is any hope left for me and my ex-boyfriend. We were together for three years, and we went through a lot of good and bad things of course. We were also doing a LDR, and as such it was hard to see each other often. But when we did see each other, it was the most amazing times. My ex used to be so full of love, care, empathy, kindness and reason. He was diagnosed with some form of depression, and then he started to take the pills (sorry I don't remember which). Shortly after he began taking them, we actually broke up over some stupid things we would usually just work over. Now, he has changed into a completely different person. He is cold, hostile, and really short with me. I understand that I am his ex, but he wouldn't treat me that way ever before. He told me he stops caring about everything, including me. Then he began to blame me for everything and he said he has regret and resentment for me.  I believe the doctor was lowering the doses gradually, I believe halving it each week. Then yesterday he said that he was completely off of it. And I am not sure if he will return back to the same person he once was? He was having many severe mood swings, but one thing always was clear was that he didn't want to be with me at that moment.  He says he missed me physically, but not emotionally. I am not sure what to think about that. Then he keeps wanting to cut off contact with me, I believe the only reason why he's let me text him is because I beg him to let me know updates about his mental health. 
The antidepressants definitely ruined our relationship. And I am wondering once he is off... Will he return back to the same person he once was before taking them? It appears that he has lost his attachments to me, our amazing memories and it kills me. 

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ultimatumprisoncell
17 hours ago, scumoftheearth said:

 I don't know if there is any hope left for me and my ex-boyfriend. We were together for three years, and we went through a lot of good and bad things of course. We were also doing a LDR, and as such it was hard to see each other often. But when we did see each other, it was the most amazing times. My ex used to be so full of love, care, empathy, kindness and reason. He was diagnosed with some form of depression, and then he started to take the pills (sorry I don't remember which). Shortly after he began taking them, we actually broke up over some stupid things we would usually just work over. Now, he has changed into a completely different person. He is cold, hostile, and really short with me. I understand that I am his ex, but he wouldn't treat me that way ever before. He told me he stops caring about everything, including me. Then he began to blame me for everything and he said he has regret and resentment for me.  I believe the doctor was lowering the doses gradually, I believe halving it each week. Then yesterday he said that he was completely off of it. And I am not sure if he will return back to the same person he once was? He was having many severe mood swings, but one thing always was clear was that he didn't want to be with me at that moment.  He says he missed me physically, but not emotionally. I am not sure what to think about that. Then he keeps wanting to cut off contact with me, I believe the only reason why he's let me text him is because I beg him to let me know updates about his mental health. 
The antidepressants definitely ruined our relationship. And I am wondering once he is off... Will he return back to the same person he once was before taking them? It appears that he has lost his attachments to me, our amazing memories and it kills me. 

 

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ultimatumprisoncell

As far as hope with your relationship status, I wish I had answers but I do not.

LDR are difficult (from what I've heard, but have no experience).

Aside from that, it is tragically common for people to "fall out of love" and other scary but similar scenarios when AD are brought into the picture. Sometimes it's an immediate reaction after first starting the new meds. Sometimes this occurs "seemingly out of the blue" when meds have been established long term. And then there's the whole WD thing. Quite capable of bringing out the nastiest in otherwise functional people if withdrawn too abruptly or CT.  I've said A lot of very hurtful and unacceptable things to my loved ones under the latter two circumstances. A LOT of these damages are likely irreparable. 

He may not understand how he is behaving, because again, these meds can hijack your brain. Love him. Educate him. And wish him the best. But don't allow him to continue to verbally torment you. The sad, sad truth is that AD have destroyed many relationships.

There's always hope of course, but don't beat yourself down for something beyond your control 💚

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Konjo

I know that some returns to their old-self, others didn't. But there isn't enough data to provide specific numbers.

I read many stories and in my opinion there is like 10-30% of chance that somebody will return (of course when this person is off meds)

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Mermaid17
On 1/12/2018 at 6:01 AM, Konjo said:

I know that some returns to their old-self, others didn't. But there isn't enough data to provide specific numbers.

I read many stories and in my opinion there is like 10-30% of chance that somebody will return (of course when this person is off meds)

I believe it is more likely than not based on my research. My husband left me 1.5 years ago after a dosage increase and has greatly reduced the dosage. His personality is returning and I have faith his access to his love will as well. I haven’t heard of more than a handful of stories of people off the Meds a while but still unable to love partners they’d left. The majority seem to come back, though sometimes the unmedicated cannot reconnect. It just can take so LONG. pray, have hope. Love him through this. Keep us posted!

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zeeheather
On 1/11/2018 at 11:03 AM, scumoftheearth said:

Hello all, 

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. 
I don't know if there is any hope left for me and my ex-boyfriend. We were together for three years, and we went through a lot of good and bad things of course. We were also doing a LDR, and as such it was hard to see each other often. But when we did see each other, it was the most amazing times. My ex used to be so full of love, care, empathy, kindness and reason. He was diagnosed with some form of depression, and then he started to take the pills (sorry I don't remember which). Shortly after he began taking them, we actually broke up over some stupid things we would usually just work over. Now, he has changed into a completely different person. He is cold, hostile, and really short with me. I understand that I am his ex, but he wouldn't treat me that way ever before. He told me he stops caring about everything, including me. Then he began to blame me for everything and he said he has regret and resentment for me.  I believe the doctor was lowering the doses gradually, I believe halving it each week. Then yesterday he said that he was completely off of it. And I am not sure if he will return back to the same person he once was? He was having many severe mood swings, but one thing always was clear was that he didn't want to be with me at that moment.  He says he missed me physically, but not emotionally. I am not sure what to think about that. Then he keeps wanting to cut off contact with me, I believe the only reason why he's let me text him is because I beg him to let me know updates about his mental health. 
The antidepressants definitely ruined our relationship. And I am wondering once he is off... Will he return back to the same person he once was before taking them? It appears that he has lost his attachments to me, our amazing memories and it kills me. 



I am in the exact same situation as you. Great relationship (normal ups and downs/arguments) He started taking the drugs in mid-September 2017 and within a couple of weeks was becoming distant, would be irritated and start huge fights about the silliest things (never would've happened before). Got switched to a new drug, then he almost immediately stopped loving me, said he looked at me and felt nothing. He made me move out, but I made him promise he'd keep me updated about his progress (tapering and such). He did, but it was always me initiating the conversations and asking the questions (his responses were always short and cold). Anytime I talked about our relationship, or how hard this was for me, he would get annoyed and angry.

He's been off the SSRI for 3 weeks, off his last antidepressant (non-SSRI) for about a week. He's gotten a lot more mean, and he's stopped contact with me. I tried to look for closure (the "why?", "what did I do?"), but that made him really mad and eventually he just stopped responding. He deleted all pictures of me off his social media, he's going after other girls like crazy. I'm in the same boat with my ex not remembering any of the love and happy memories, I mean, he deleted all the vacations we took, Christmases, birthdays. It hurt. 

If you ever want to compare stories, or need to talk, you can private message me. I can also respond on here. I've gone through every emotion there is, I cry everyday. I've lost hope, gained it back, lost it again. I don't think anyone will be able to make you feel better or give you a definite answer. Take it from me though, if he's mean, hostile and cold when he talks to you, it's only going to make you feel worse if you contact him. I used to go a week without texting my boyfriend and then think "maybe he's feeling love for me again, but he's too ashamed to text me!", so I'd message him and he'd be even colder than before. That continued until he just stopped responding (probably blocked my number, too afraid to find out).
I was told this by a member on this forum, when I was near the beginning of this nightmare, and I didn't listen...but wish I did...if he's willing to stay in contact with you, keep it about his health and tapering progress. Don't talk about emotions, he doesn't feel them and he doesn't care, it'll just push him away further. It will annoy him, make him not want to talk to you at all.

I still cling to the hope that my boyfriend, the man that I love so much, will return...but he's completely destroyed me at this point. I can't sleep, don't eat, I lay in bed entire days. I'm off work right now, because I couldn't handle the stress. I have developed anxiety, just constantly feeling like something bad is about to happen, feels like I'm always going over the edge of a rollercoaster. He's made me feel unlovable and worthless. Because I still have hope that this was the medication (the timeline is just too exact), I can't let him go. I can't move on, or just stop loving him. I know he hates me right now, and I wish I could hate him as well.

I hope everything works out for you two. I hope he's able to come off these meds and feel love again. Most of all, I hope you're able to find happiness again. This is such a sh*tty thing to go through, but know that you're not alone! <3

 

The one thing that sometimes helps to calm me a bit (at least in the moment) is reading the stories of the users and spouses who have been through this same thing, someone posted this on another thread, but here:
Users:   https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V_y9LX-6WGaD4SfA4IZghBMEM3nqHdUluN2sAidGfzg/edit

Spouses:   https://docs.google.com/document/d/12F_yiwXqFdalDOs2JQR_y_uF-X8aAqcgqUJoUjrTIWY/edit

 

It's good to compare your story, and to see that a lot of people were back to normal after they came off the drugs.

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