Farfromhome604: Cold turkey aftermath

[Farfromhome604]

I had been on SSRIs and some form of sleeping medication for 14 years, continuously. I was first put on prozac, then switched to wellbutrin, then to effexor. This was then supplemented with sleeping medications (zopiclone, chloral hydrate, atavan, clonazepam, and finally trazodone), and dexedrine. 

 

At the end of November 2017 (4.5 months ago) I went cold turkey off of 300 mg effexor, 10 mg dexedrine, and 50 mg trazodone. I did this at the same time as I underwent a major surgery. In the recovery process from surgery, I was taking tramadol but am no longer taking that. So, I am currently medication-free for the first time in 14 years and I am struggling mightily to survive.

 

I understand that tapering would have been the 'better' option. However, I tried in 2015 to do a taper off of effexor and it was the most miserable experience of my life. I was left in a suicidal hole and eventually went back on the full dose of all my meds. Thus, after doing research and reading about the negative impact of long-term antidepressant usage, I decided I would go cold turkey. I honestly didn't think that it would 'stick.' I thought that I would be back on the meds within a few days. But I've stuck it out for the past 4 and a half months and now I've hit this tremendous trough. 

 

So far, the symptoms I have been struggling with are:

• very intense depression and hopelessness...the kind of despair that leaves you paralysed
• crying spells - uncontrollable and brought on by stimuli that are not always 'sad'; there's a sort of hyper-emotionality at the moment
• trouble sleeping (but no worse than the insomnia I experienced while on the meds) 
• heightened agitation and anxiety around my body and food (I was originally put on antidepressants because of anorexia, which has also plagued my life for 14 years)
• horrific self-esteem and self-worth 

 

On the upside, I feel that off the meds, I have been more able to experience my life. When I am able to, I feel more connected to other people. I also feel more capable of expressing my own thoughts - I seem to have less fear around speaking my mind and being my authentic self. I have felt the kind of contentedness I thought was out of reach for 'people like me.' 

 

I have been using the WILD5 wellness regime that incorporates exercise (to the extent possible, given my surgery), meditation, sleep hygiene, social interaction, and nutrition. This has definitely supported my recovery and withdrawal symptoms. However, this trough is just unbearable. I briefly went back on 2.5 mg of dexedrine because I just wasn't functioning at all and couldn't get anything done. But that started to make me feel horrible and agitated and I thought I may as well just stick with the 100% med-free plan. 

 

I am at a very uncertain point in my life, beyond the meds situation - finishing law school far from home and wondering whether to go back or try and make a life on the other side of the planet - and in the middle of that, of course, I decided to upend my neurological functioning. I want to remain off of medication if possible but I am beginning to wonder whether I have made a grave miscalculation of my own capabilities. I don't know whether to just call it quits on this experiment and go back on the meds or to try and weather the storm. As it is, I'm currently weathering the storm and trying to grasp at every support that's available to me. 

 

I am here to read others' stories and hope to glean some insight into my own journey. I hope to be a supportive asset to the community (though with the above-mentioned self-esteem issues, I find it hard to believe that might be possible.)

 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Farfromhome and welcome to SA,

 

Withdrawal symptoms Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms can be delayed  delayed-onset-of-withdrawal-symptoms   Psychiatric drugs change the brain and when the drug/s are removed too quickly withdrawal symptoms result because your brain is trying to regain homeostasis, or factory settings.

 

Please carefully read Post #1 of this topic  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms so that you have the information and can make an informed decision.  Please do not go back on the last dose you were taking.  Your brain will have already made some adaptation since you have been off the drug/s.  It is better to start with a small amount and take a little bit more if needed than to start with too high a dose.  If you decide that you would like to try reinstating we can make a suggestion about the dose you could try.

 

 

We ask all members to create a drug signature.  Please update it whenever you make a change.  Please keep it nice and simple.  We only need details for the last 2 years.  Date, drug and dose only, no symptoms or diagnoses.  The other years can just be an overview.  

 

This is the preferred format which is helpful for the mods.  Thank you.

 

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature - ALL drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 2 years particularly?

• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 

• Any drugs prior to 2 years ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
• Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.Before you begin tapering what you need to know

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

 

Brain Remodelling

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

Keep Notes on Paper

 

Rate Symptoms Daily to Check Patterns and Progress

The only supplements which SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil.  Try a small amount one at a time to see how you react.  It is best to make only 1 change at a time.  It is also better not to start taking a complex vitamin because if you experience issues you will not know what exactly is causing it.  B vitamins can be stimulating especially B6.  hypersensitive-to-b-vitamin-or-b-vitamin-complex  If trying anything new, start with a small amount to see how you react and build up to the recommended amount.  

 

We strongly encourage members to learn and use Non-drug techniques to cope

 

There are many existing topics and discussions on this site.  You can use the site search function on the main page of the site at the top right, or use a search engine and include survivingantidepressants.org in your search string.

 

This is your own Intro topic where you can ask questions and journal your progress.  We suggest that members visit each others Intro topics so that can support and encourage each other.

[Farfromhome604]

Hi ChessieCat, 

 

Thank you very much for your welcome to the site. I have been reading through the reinstatement for stabilization information. I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow (whom I trust, thankfully), so we will see what he has to say about that. I am also speaking with my therapist in a few moments so hopefully that provides some relief as well. 

 

I have updated my signature - hopefully I did it right!

 

Thanks again, 

FFH

[ChessieCat]

4 hours ago, Farfromhome604 said:

I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow

 

4 hours ago, Farfromhome604 said:

I am also speaking with my therapist in a few moments

 

Please let us know what they say/suggest.

[Farfromhome604]

On 04/04/2018 at 12:41 PM, ChessieCat said:

 

 

Please let us know what they say/suggest.

 

Well, both my therapist and psychiatrist have suggested I start taking a low dose of Effexor again (starting at 18.75 mg) to see if I can get restabilised. Both are supportive of the long-term plan to get off the medication but feel that currently the symptoms I am experiencing are too much to bear. 

 

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I know that I am struggling and that I need to make it through this last semester of law school. On the other hand, I believe that ADs are not helpful in terms of alleviating depression. I am trying to hold both feelings and understand that going back on the Effexor is for brain stabilisation rather than depression treatment per se. But it is difficult because I feel like I am giving up too soon and I will only regret it later when I have to re-taper off of the medication once more. 

 

The rumination over what the ‘right thing’ to do is incredibly intense and I feel like I am just going in circles. I can understand intellectually that there is no plan that I can put myself on that will guarantee improvement or long-term health and happiness; that I can only do what’s best for me right now. But how do I even know what’s best for me in the short term? I guess it’s better to not be in a pit of despair but I have no way of knowing that the AD will help that in any way. Clearly I’m stuck in a bit of a spiral and the mental energy this is taking is exhausting.

 

That’s all for now, I guess. 

[ChessieCat]

Please provide more information about the dose you were taking when you stopped Effexor in November.  Please add it to your signature so we can see it at a glance.

 

Reinstating 18.75mg to start with after you have been off for 4 months may be too much.  It would be better to start with a small tester dose to see how your react.  If you didn't have any issues with a tiny dose you could then make small increases.  It is better to start low and increase gradually than to take too much and risk destabilising your CNS.  Some members have reinstated too high a dose, destabilised their system and haven't been able to stabilise.  Please read Post #1 of the Reinstatement Topic.

[Lloyd]

Hi There,

 

I'm in a pretty similar situation at the moment, coming up to 4 months since my last dose of Effexor (I did take 6 beads on one day about 4 weeks ago to try).

Now oddly enough i did successfully taper off from Effexor about 2 years ago with only some ongoing side effects and stayed off it for over a year. This time round it hasn't been so nice.

Having allot of difficulty with concentration problems / brain fog and other weird physical sensations, run down, flu symptoms on and off and some mild anxiety. Havent had depression or major anxiety problems so far... fingers crossed. Really worried about the hyper sensitivity though. Took 150mg of panadol today and felt horrible afterwards! Cant have coffee etc.

Been having the same thoughts as you about re-instating over and over again. Im doing pretty poorly at work (Work in IT) and i dont know how much longer i can keep it up. Its not a job i want to loose.

 

On the plus side i have noticed my Restless Legs has improved greatly!

I've found fish oil eliminated 95% of the brain zaps & i think the daily magnesium supplement is helping. Also try some chamomile tea, ive found this helps if im feeling a bit anxious and unsettled. Also i usually feel better after eating a meal, if i dont eat the symptons increase - can be difficult when you loose your appetite.

 

If you choose to reinstate id be keen to know how you went!

I reinstated 6 beads on one day and felt a bit off for about an hour but suddenly felt quite happy and positive about everything. I think it wore off too quick and i started getting barin zaps etc after 8 hours or so. 6 beads isn't much so it probably burns out allot quicker at lower doses. I also didn't have it with any food.

 

I also tried 2.5mg of prozac about two weeks ago and haven't touched it since. Made me feel like crap and pretty depressed!

 

Its exhausting business and your not alone! Heres my intro thread 

 

[Farfromhome604]

2 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Please provide more information about the dose you were taking when you stopped Effexor in November.  Please add it to your signature so we can see it at a glance.

 

Reinstating 18.75mg to start with after you have been off for 4 months may be too much.  It would be better to start with a small tester dose to see how your react.  If you didn't have any issues with a tiny dose you could then make small increases.  It is better to start low and increase gradually than to take too much and risk destabilising your CNS.  Some members have reinstated too high a dose, destabilised their system and haven't been able to stabilise.  Please read Post #1 of the Reinstatement Topic.

Hi ChessieCat,

 

Thanks for your reply. I was at 300 mg of Effexor when I went off in November. I added it to my signature - sorry for the lack of clarity. 

 

I have been reading the Reinstatement Topic entries and I am mostly feeling apprehensive about what reinstatement might hold for me at this point. 

[Farfromhome604]

47 minutes ago, Lloyd said:

Hi There,

 

I'm in a pretty similar situation at the moment, coming up to 4 months since my last dose of Effexor (I did take 6 beads on one day about 4 weeks ago to try).

Now oddly enough i did successfully taper off from Effexor about 2 years ago with only some ongoing side effects and stayed off it for over a year. This time round it hasn't been so nice.

Having allot of difficulty with concentration problems / brain fog and other weird physical sensations, run down, flu symptoms on and off and some mild anxiety. Havent had depression or major anxiety problems so far... fingers crossed. Really worried about the hyper sensitivity though. Took 150mg of panadol today and felt horrible afterwards! Cant have coffee etc.

Been having the same thoughts as you about re-instating over and over again. Im doing pretty poorly at work (Work in IT) and i dont know how much longer i can keep it up. Its not a job i want to loose.

 

On the plus side i have noticed my Restless Legs has improved greatly!

I've found fish oil eliminated 95% of the brain zaps & i think the daily magnesium supplement is helping. Also try some chamomile tea, ive found this helps if im feeling a bit anxious and unsettled. Also i usually feel better after eating a meal, if i dont eat the symptons increase - can be difficult when you loose your appetite.

 

If you choose to reinstate id be keen to know how you went!

I reinstated 6 beads on one day and felt a bit off for about an hour but suddenly felt quite happy and positive about everything. I think it wore off too quick and i started getting barin zaps etc after 8 hours or so. 6 beads isn't much so it probably burns out allot quicker at lower doses. I also didn't have it with any food.

 

I also tried 2.5mg of prozac about two weeks ago and haven't touched it since. Made me feel like crap and pretty depressed!

 

Its exhausting business and your not alone! Heres my intro thread 

 

Hi Lloyd! 

 

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply to my intro thread. 

 

Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel a lot of trepidation about both options at this point and the back and forth is really getting me twisted up and anxious (on top of my already rampant anxiety). 
 

The hypersensitivity is strange, isn't it? I fall asleep now when I take 200 mg of panadol. It's totally wild, I never would have thought something like that would put me to sleep.

 

I am really sorry to hear that you're dealing with all of the cognitive and physical issues - I definitely empathize with the feeling of not being able to "keep it up" much longer. It's totally exhausting, the constant thinking and wondering whether life would be better on the other side, so to speak. It's unanswerable and unbearable to keep playing over and over again. 

 

Have you been told you're struggling at work? I often assume that I'm doing poorly at work/school/life when I'm feeling down but it doesn't always correspond with reality. Maybe getting honest feedback from someone at work might help you assess the situation better and whether or not reinstating is something that is worth considering at this point? 

 

Thanks for relating to my situation - it's phenomenal to feel heard and understood. 

[Lloyd]

2 minutes ago, Farfromhome604 said:

Hi ChessieCat,

 

Thanks for your reply. I was at 300 mg of Effexor when I went off in November. I added it to my signature - sorry for the lack of clarity. 

 

I have been reading the Reinstatement Topic entries and I am mostly feeling apprehensive about what reinstatement might hold for me at this point. 

 

300mg to 0mg is a massive drop. If it helps, from my experience i did feel better 2 hours or so after taking a small amount of effexor. I just chickened out from taking anymore as it wore off to quick during the day and i got some mild withdrawals that night! Honestly i wish i had stuck with it - now i have to build up the courage again. Fortunately Didn't have any massive reaction which was good!

[Lloyd]

3 minutes ago, Farfromhome604 said:

Hi Lloyd! 

 

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply to my intro thread. 

 

Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel a lot of trepidation about both options at this point and the back and forth is really getting me twisted up and anxious (on top of my already rampant anxiety). 
 

The hypersensitivity is strange, isn't it? I fall asleep now when I take 200 mg of panadol. It's totally wild, I never would have thought something like that would put me to sleep.

 

I am really sorry to hear that you're dealing with all of the cognitive and physical issues - I definitely empathize with the feeling of not being able to "keep it up" much longer. It's totally exhausting, the constant thinking and wondering whether life would be better on the other side, so to speak. It's unanswerable and unbearable to keep playing over and over again. 

 

Have you been told you're struggling at work? I often assume that I'm doing poorly at work/school/life when I'm feeling down but it doesn't always correspond with reality. Maybe getting honest feedback from someone at work might help you assess the situation better and whether or not reinstating is something that is worth considering at this point? 

 

Thanks for relating to my situation - it's phenomenal to feel heard and understood. 

 

This forum has been a life saver through the experience. Got annoyed with doctors telling me i shouldn't be experiencing symptons after a week etc. Good to be able to talk to people who have experienced the same thing.

 

I've told my boss at work whats been happening and actually he's been really helpful. Doesn't pile work on me and allows me to self manage what i do, work from home and take time off when i need it. Hence why its a job i want to keep!

Bit hard sometimes though as i stare at my monitor at work trying to figure something out that usually comes to me quickly. I avoid attending meetings conferences etc. I find putting on headphones and listening to some calming music helps with concentration. Blocks out the rest of the world so i can concentrate a bit better.

 

The back and forth over to re-instate or not is a difficult thing to deal with. I'm also careful to pull myself up when i start obsessing over this otherwise its a dark spiral to the bottom. If i re-instate it will be too stabilize so that i can try to come off later on.

 

I feel that i need draw a line in the sand and realize that when things get to a certain point, its time to try re introducing the medication. I think for me the line in the sand is if i start to spiral into depression and uncontrollable anxiety.  I dont think i would be able to cope with that.

I've also heard if you are going to reinstate, sooner rather than later is better. 

I have days when things arent too bad, just a few mild symptoms but the cognitive / hyper sensitivity issues are always present which worry me the most.

 

Have you started taking fish oil? I honestly think its being keeping the depression away for me. Ive been ok in that department considering the turmoil of the last few months!

[Farfromhome604]

6 minutes ago, Lloyd said:

 

This forum has been a life saver through the experience. Got annoyed with doctors telling me i shouldn't be experiencing symptons after a week etc. Good to be able to talk to people who have experienced the same thing.

 

I've told my boss at work whats been happening and actually he's been really helpful. Doesn't pile work on me and allows me to self manage what i do, work from home and take time off when i need it. Hence why its a job i want to keep!

Bit hard sometimes though as i stare at my monitor at work trying to figure something out that usually comes to me quickly. I avoid attending meetings conferences etc. I find putting on headphones and listening to some calming music helps with concentration. Blocks out the rest of the world so i can concentrate a bit better.

 

The back and forth over to re-instate or not is a difficult thing to deal with. I'm also careful to pull myself up when i start obsessing over this otherwise its a dark spiral to the bottom. If i re-instate it will be too stabilize so that i can try to come off later on.

 

I feel that i need draw a line in the sand and realize that when things get to a certain point, its time to try re introducing the medication. I think for me the line in the sand is if i start to spiral into depression and uncontrollable anxiety.  I dont think i would be able to cope with that.

I've also heard if you are going to reinstate, sooner rather than later is better. 

I have days when things arent too bad, just a few mild symptoms but the cognitive / hyper sensitivity issues are always present which worry me the most.

 

Have you started taking fish oil? I honestly think its being keeping the depression away for me. Ive been ok in that department considering the turmoil of the last few months!

That's fantastic about your work. I'm so pleased for you; it's wonderful that you're supported there. However, it's incredibly frustrating to be struggling with things that usually come easily to you. I'm glad you're finding ways to channel your brain and get into the work zone. What else do you find helps with concentration? 

 

I hadn't started taking fish oil until today - I hadn't thought of it until I read the threads here. So I bought some and took one capsule today, which seemed to help a bit with the depression.

 

It just feels like there are too many variables at this point. I'm afraid that, because I've been off for more than 4 months and I also did a cold turkey drop from a high dose, that reinstating will be counter-productive. I also feel like I need to draw a line in the sand - but it just feels like the tide keeps washing in and out and moving my line! Earlier today I was 100% on board with the idea of reinstating at a low dose. Now I'm back to waffling over whether things have really gotten 'bad enough' for me to go back to effexor or whether I should see where the fish oil thing goes. I'm also really worried that if it backfires, I'll have really mucked things up and I won't be able to come back from it.  

[Lloyd]

A difficult choice to make. I've been through the same back and forth. Committed to re-instating and then second guessing myself and backing out.

Reinstatement is supposed to make the eventual tapering process a lot less painful after you have had time to stabalize. I dropped from 62.5 to 0 over 4 weeks or so. Got to 25mg and just decided to ditch it. Wish i had been a bit more patient with it - was hell bent on getting off the stuff as i was having some weird problems whilst i was on it this time around - i dont know if the effexor was to blame though i often wonder if i have some other problem causing some of this grief. Had a ton of tests run which all came back ok. Viral, baseline, vitamins, cholesterol, diabetes etc.

Also stopped taking coedine at the same time, shouldnt have been to much of an issue as i only ever took 7.5mg - 15mg (1 over the counter tablet) per a night for my restless legs syndrome. Never noticed any problems when i didn't have it for a few days.

Have you noticed any improvements in the 4 months so far? I've noticed some symptoms have disappeared or slightly lessened but they change frequently so it can be difficult to tell. I *think* the derealization is getting better - feels like walking around in a dream. Got the cold and flu symptoms again in the last few days urggh.

The fish oil has been a god send. I take 3 x 1000mg a day. Was on 2 for a while but just increased it again. Also magnesium is reported to help allot. Be careful with introducing other herbs & vitamins as sometimes it can make things worse. Also introducing one thing at a time is a good idea, allows you to gauge how well it worked or didn't.

 

Some of the reoccurring themes of what i see helps people here are:

Magnesium & fish oil

Exercise - ive been lax in this area.

Plently of water

Meditation - not my thing

 

[Farfromhome604]

On 2018-04-05 at 9:19 PM, Lloyd said:

A difficult choice to make. I've been through the same back and forth. Committed to re-instating and then second guessing myself and backing out.

Reinstatement is supposed to make the eventual tapering process a lot less painful after you have had time to stabalize. I dropped from 62.5 to 0 over 4 weeks or so. Got to 25mg and just decided to ditch it. Wish i had been a bit more patient with it - was hell bent on getting off the stuff as i was having some weird problems whilst i was on it this time around - i dont know if the effexor was to blame though i often wonder if i have some other problem causing some of this grief. Had a ton of tests run which all came back ok. Viral, baseline, vitamins, cholesterol, diabetes etc.

Also stopped taking coedine at the same time, shouldnt have been to much of an issue as i only ever took 7.5mg - 15mg (1 over the counter tablet) per a night for my restless legs syndrome. Never noticed any problems when i didn't have it for a few days.

Have you noticed any improvements in the 4 months so far? I've noticed some symptoms have disappeared or slightly lessened but they change frequently so it can be difficult to tell. I *think* the derealization is getting better - feels like walking around in a dream. Got the cold and flu symptoms again in the last few days urggh.

The fish oil has been a god send. I take 3 x 1000mg a day. Was on 2 for a while but just increased it again. Also magnesium is reported to help allot. Be careful with introducing other herbs & vitamins as sometimes it can make things worse. Also introducing one thing at a time is a good idea, allows you to gauge how well it worked or didn't.

 

Some of the reoccurring themes of what i see helps people here are:

Magnesium & fish oil

Exercise - ive been lax in this area.

Plently of water

Meditation - not my thing

 

I've decided to give myself one week on fish oil every day to see if that evens things out. We'll see how it goes, and how I feel next week. I feel a great deal of relief for having given myself a deadline and a way to make the decision rather than continually going down the spiral of should I or shouldn't I. 

 

I have noticed that most of my physical symptoms have decreased or lessened; I had terrible nausea, vomiting, headaches, and brain zaps at the beginning but those have gone now. 

 

The emotional stuff goes in cycles, though. Sometimes I feel like I'm more capable of meeting challenges and dealing with anxiety than I was while I was taking the medication. Sometimes I feel really in touch with my life and other people and contented with things. Other times, I get totally lost and overwhelmed in worrying about the future or I wake up with an aching pit of despair eating me from the inside. I don't want to lose these things that I feel I've gained since coming off the medication. But those troughs of depression and anxiety are literally unbearable at times, and those times make me wonder whether it's all worth it. 

 

I've had a good couple of days which makes me feel optimistic about the fish oil addition. Again, just trying to take it as it comes and see where things go from here. 

[Lloyd]

Good stuff! Hopefully the fish oil helps make things a bit more tolerable.

The emotional round about must be tough, just know that it will settle in time! Fish oil will hopefully help to calm things a bit. Chamomile tea is also great!

The symptoms ive noticed that have lessened or gone are:

 

Sleeping problems - Jolting awake and / or unable to relax enough to sleep. Gone

Stabbing pains in body - Gone

Burning sensations - Much better

Derealzation - slightly lessened

 

Didn't have any of these problems last time i came off the medication, was just mainly irritable and a little bit more agitated than usual.

Ive noticed my social anxiety is playing up. Ran into a couple of friends i hadn't seen in 3-4 years today. They invited me back to their place for coffee, i almost didn't go as i was getting anxious. Went anyway and had a good chat etc. Generally been avoiding social situations.

 

Let us know how you go with the fish oil!

 

[Farfromhome604]

11 hours ago, Lloyd said:

Good stuff! Hopefully the fish oil helps make things a bit more tolerable.

The emotional round about must be tough, just know that it will settle in time! Fish oil will hopefully help to calm things a bit. Chamomile tea is also great!

The symptoms ive noticed that have lessened or gone are:

 

Sleeping problems - Jolting awake and / or unable to relax enough to sleep. Gone

Stabbing pains in body - Gone

Burning sensations - Much better

Derealzation - slightly lessened

 

Didn't have any of these problems last time i came off the medication, was just mainly irritable and a little bit more agitated than usual.

Ive noticed my social anxiety is playing up. Ran into a couple of friends i hadn't seen in 3-4 years today. They invited me back to their place for coffee, i almost didn't go as i was getting anxious. Went anyway and had a good chat etc. Generally been avoiding social situations.

 

Let us know how you go with the fish oil!

 

The social anxiety is so tough. The more sensitive I am, the more I want to cocoon myself and withdraw from other people because it feels safer. But it’s almost always a better idea to go and be social (even if it’s just because I have less of a reason to beat myself up later).

 

That said, it’s really hard to draw oneself out of the social anxiety protection mode. So, good for you for going and having coffee with your friends! That’s the way we build resilience and happiness - by doing the things that make us anxious and coming out on the other side (even when it doesn’t go ‘perfectly’). 

 

 

[Farfromhome604]

11 hours ago, Lloyd said:

Good stuff! Hopefully the fish oil helps make things a bit more tolerable.

The emotional round about must be tough, just know that it will settle in time! Fish oil will hopefully help to calm things a bit. Chamomile tea is also great!

The symptoms ive noticed that have lessened or gone are:

 

Sleeping problems - Jolting awake and / or unable to relax enough to sleep. Gone

Stabbing pains in body - Gone

Burning sensations - Much better

Derealzation - slightly lessened

 

Didn't have any of these problems last time i came off the medication, was just mainly irritable and a little bit more agitated than usual.

Ive noticed my social anxiety is playing up. Ran into a couple of friends i hadn't seen in 3-4 years today. They invited me back to their place for coffee, i almost didn't go as i was getting anxious. Went anyway and had a good chat etc. Generally been avoiding social situations.

 

Let us know how you go with the fish oil!

 

I just had a thought - I know that you said meditation wasn't your thing, but I've been getting a lot of peace and comfort from listening to Buddhist teachings/meditation/mindfulness audio books. I find they're a good distraction when I'm spiralling and also when I need a bit of comfort that I'm on the right track. 

 

A few I would recommend (if you're at all interested) are: "Getting Unstuck" by Pema Chodron, "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion" by Christopher Germer, and "The Art of Mindful Living" by Thich Nhat Hanh. 

 

It's a nice way to bring in some elements of mindfulness to the journey without going into full-on meditation, if you don't want to. 

 

Hope you've been having a great weekend! 

[Lloyd]

Thanks for the links. Hope your weekend is going well! Had a good day today. Spent about 4 hours outside getting jobs done. Pulled down a fence, raking etc. Bit worrying about the fatigue and body aches. Just pushed through and got stuff done. Prior to withdrawal been OK with physical work.

Hows the fish oil going, early days but you notice any effect?

[Lloyd]

Hi Farfromhome, just checking in to see how you are going? Have you noticed some uplift with the fish oil?

Was feeling a bit off this afternoon at work, had a chamomile tea and that seems to have helped a fair bit. Symptoms are quite mild tonight which is great!!

[Farfromhome604]

11 minutes ago, Lloyd said:

Hi Farfromhome, just checking in to see how you are going? Have you noticed some uplift with the fish oil?

Was feeling a bit off this afternoon at work, had a chamomile tea and that seems to have helped a fair bit. Symptoms are quite mild tonight which is great!!

Hi Lloyd, 

 

Thanks for checking in - I was actually just going to write an update before turning off my computer for the evening. 

 

I'm happy to hear you got some outdoor work done - I have noticed that, despite the fatigue with withdrawal I am somehow becoming more interested in doing household chores and tidying up. I am sorry that you're feeling fatigue and aches - are you feeling worse today from the physical work? 

 

I have noticed some uplift with the fish oil but today was a bit of a difficult day. I had had a week off from classes but had to go back today and I found it really hard to concentrate. My partner also left for a week-long business trip and I'm feeling oddly unsettled by this. I'm used to being a very independent person and I'm not used to having trouble being apart from my partner for such a short period. I guess because I have been feeling so unstable lately, I am concerned that maybe I'll spiral and nobody will be around to catch it. But, I keep telling myself that I'm here to catch me - it's unlikely that I will have an all-out breakdown and in the event that I do, I have dealt with it before and I can do it again. I am not nearly as fragile or incapable as my inner critic says I am. 

 

I had several cups of chamomile tea throughout the day as well - as per your suggestion  I found it very soothing! 

 

What sort of 'off' were you feeling at work today? Great to hear your symptoms are mild tonight - having a pleasant and low-symptom evening is so refreshing compared with some of the hard-hitting evenings where everything seems to go off the rails. 

[Lloyd]

Hi, the physical work seemed to be ok on the body. Had a sore back this week after bending over to pick up my daughter, felt it pinch. Trying not to take any pain killers as I find I react pretty strongly to them now.

 

Being away from your partner and support person can be a scary thing when your going through this. My wife and daughter keep me grounded and when I think of them I always feel better. I was working away from home allot during 2016 & 2017. Sometimes 4-5 nights away. Away every week etc. This was difficult and I missed my wife and daughter allot. Ever since the withdrawal started I’ve been staying close to home and not traveling. I’m not as confident and worry about having an episode away from home and not having my wife to help me. Fortunately my primary work site is only an hour away so I can drive to work and come home every day. My boss has encouraged me to use Skype to limit the amount of times I have to travel to head office which is close to 4 hours away.

Have you got some close friends or family that you can call on whilst he’s away if things get rough? I find playing a game (love point and click adventure games) keeps me distracted if I start to stress over things or the physical symptoms start to bother me.

 

Was just More just cold and flu symptoms this arvo. My mood and anxiety’s been pretty ok throughout the ordeal thank god. Chamomile seemed to help

Do you get the cold and flu symptoms as well?

[Farfromhome604]

On 09/04/2018 at 9:46 PM, Lloyd said:

Hi, the physical work seemed to be ok on the body. Had a sore back this week after bending over to pick up my daughter, felt it pinch. Trying not to take any pain killers as I find I react pretty strongly to them now.

 

Being away from your partner and support person can be a scary thing when your going through this. My wife and daughter keep me grounded and when I think of them I always feel better. I was working away from home allot during 2016 & 2017. Sometimes 4-5 nights away. Away every week etc. This was difficult and I missed my wife and daughter allot. Ever since the withdrawal started I’ve been staying close to home and not traveling. I’m not as confident and worry about having an episode away from home and not having my wife to help me. Fortunately my primary work site is only an hour away so I can drive to work and come home every day. My boss has encouraged me to use Skype to limit the amount of times I have to travel to head office which is close to 4 hours away.

Have you got some close friends or family that you can call on whilst he’s away if things get rough? I find playing a game (love point and click adventure games) keeps me distracted if I start to stress over things or the physical symptoms start to bother me.

 

Was just More just cold and flu symptoms this arvo. My mood and anxiety’s been pretty ok throughout the ordeal thank god. Chamomile seemed to help

Do you get the cold and flu symptoms as well?

It is really hard to be away from him. I’m trying to reach out to friends and family but I don’t have any really close support people in Australia - they’re all back in Canada. So it can be sort of isolating, but I’m trying to do what I can to do social things here and also maintain links with people back home. 

 

I think the confidence is probably what’s getting me down and the belief that I won’t be able to make it on my own if I have some kind of breakdown. 

 

I get chills and hot flashes and headaches, and some stomach problems, but these cold/flu symptoms seem pretty fleeting. They’ll last for a little while but then the rest of the day, I’ll feel fine. Are yours more constant? 

 

I’ve decided to reinstate the Effexor because my trial week has revealed that restabilisation might be necessary. I’ve gone with 6 beads - by my count this should be  between 1.5-2 mg. 

 

Will update later on how it goes...

[bheb]

Hey farfromhome -- I'm also away for school, but not quite as far as you. At one point during these med reactions/withdrawal, I was studying abroad and it was frankly the worst 5 months of my life. Being away from home doesn't seem too bad until you really hit a crisis. But that was probably because I didn't go there feeling well, so I started with no support network and was feeling too bad to seek out one.

 

I'm glad to hear you only have a semester left and that your partner is also in Australia, even though he's away for a bit. Has he been supportive generally?

[Lloyd]

6 hours ago, Farfromhome604 said:

It is really hard to be away from him. I’m trying to reach out to friends and family but I don’t have any really close support people in Australia - they’re all back in Canada. So it can be sort of isolating, but I’m trying to do what I can to do social things here and also maintain links with people back home. 

 

I think the confidence is probably what’s getting me down and the belief that I won’t be able to make it on my own if I have some kind of breakdown. 

 

I get chills and hot flashes and headaches, and some stomach problems, but these cold/flu symptoms seem pretty fleeting. They’ll last for a little while but then the rest of the day, I’ll feel fine. Are yours more constant? 

 

I’ve decided to reinstate the Effexor because my trial week has revealed that restabilisation might be necessary. I’ve gone with 6 beads - by my count this should be  between 1.5-2 mg. 

 

Will update later on how it goes...

 

Hope the reinstatement is going well! 300 mg to 0 mg is a massive drop and quite frankly you've done extremely well to stick it out for this long! From what ive read around the forum stabilization sounds like a good plan and gives you something to work towards. Don't be alarmed if you feel jumpy when you first take the 6 beads, i did and chickened out from taking it the next day. Actually i felt quite good after taking them but i think the 6 beads wore off way too quickly which gave me instant withdrawal symptoms. Kinda wish i had stuck with it. I'm still tossing up what to do with this.

I *feel* like some of the symptoms im experiencing are improving BUT i'm worried about my ability to concentrate and cope with work stress going forward. Was quite sharp on the Effexor and now feel a bit dull after stopping it. I find the flu symptoms settle in the evening & are not too noticeable. They arced up about a week ago so either i do actually have a cold / bug OR its from discontinuation of the 2mg of Prozac i tried 3 weeks ago. Prozac takes a really long time to exit the body.

 

[Farfromhome604]

3 hours ago, bheb said:

Hey farfromhome -- I'm also away for school, but not quite as far as you. At one point during these med reactions/withdrawal, I was studying abroad and it was frankly the worst 5 months of my life. Being away from home doesn't seem too bad until you really hit a crisis. But that was probably because I didn't go there feeling well, so I started with no support network and was feeling too bad to seek out one.

 

I'm glad to hear you only have a semester left and that your partner is also in Australia, even though he's away for a bit. Has he been supportive generally?

Hi bheb - 

 

How did you survive being abroad during a crisis? How are you doing now, being away from home for school?  

 

My partner has been extremely supportive which I am so glad of but I am also feeling guilty because I feel like I'm 'too much' to deal with. I get really down on myself for struggling and feel like other people will desert me soon because I'm just more trouble than I'm worth. 

 

The trouble is, we moved here with an eye towards permanence. We are both keen to return to Canada but this is largely dependent on one of us getting a job there. So, I don't really have a return date or a plan for getting back to my support network and this gives me a great deal of anxiety. 

[Farfromhome604]

1 hour ago, Lloyd said:

 

Hope the reinstatement is going well! 300 mg to 0 mg is a massive drop and quite frankly you've done extremely well to stick it out for this long! From what ive read around the forum stabilization sounds like a good plan and gives you something to work towards. Don't be alarmed if you feel jumpy when you first take the 6 beads, i did and chickened out from taking it the next day. Actually i felt quite good after taking them but i think the 6 beads wore off way too quickly which gave me instant withdrawal symptoms. Kinda wish i had stuck with it. I'm still tossing up what to do with this.

I *feel* like some of the symptoms im experiencing are improving BUT i'm worried about my ability to concentrate and cope with work stress going forward. Was quite sharp on the Effexor and now feel a bit dull after stopping it. I find the flu symptoms settle in the evening & are not too noticeable. They arced up about a week ago so either i do actually have a cold / bug OR its from discontinuation of the 2mg of Prozac i tried 3 weeks ago. Prozac takes a really long time to exit the body.

 

Thank you! So far, I don't see a whole lot of difference from the reinstatement. I guess we'll see how the rest of the day and next days go and then reassess. 

 

I have a lot of fear about being able to cope in the future and I tend to spiral when I think about "what's going to happen if things ramp up and I can't deal." It can be helpful to stay centred on what is actually happening in the present (i.e., thinking about things like: Am I coping right now? What are my resources? What evidence do I have that I am capable of meeting challenges? Am I meeting challenges at work, despite the dullness?) 

 

Sometimes investigating the evidence behind the fear can help to put it in perspective; I'm not sure if that would be something you would find useful. 

 

I find the dullness extremely distressing - I miss my brain. Again, though, I guess it's a matter of trying not to do too much comparison and instead try and remain grounded in the fact that I am okay, as I am, right now. It may not be ideal, but things weren't ideal on the drugs either. Furthermore, our brains will recover. 

 

Do you use a symptom tracker at all? 

[Lloyd]

Some links from the site about re-instating & tapering:

 

About reinstating

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

Tapering effexor 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/272-tapering-off-effexor-venlafaxine/

 

Don't stress too much about thinking if your a burden on others. This is often what we perceive as opposed to what they actually think & feel. Friends (good ones anyway), family & partners are there to support you!

Did you feel anything different after taking the 6 beads? I could feel the effects 15-20 minutes after taking it. Im a bit sensitized to any medications though...

The links above have some information about re-instating & tapering which i found helpful.

[bheb]

I'm doing better than when I was abroad but still struggling with physical symptoms. When I was abroad I had that + mental terror/fear. Surviving that was tricky because everything I did to cope triggered this weird fear response. But regardless I just tried to distract myself as much as possible -- walking, roaming the city lots (which is necessary for the physical agitation/restlessness sometimes) cooking, vowing to try different restaurants etc.

 

I don't know if this would be helpful for you, but not pushing myself too much was key. I carried a lot anxiety about how i shouldve been meeting new people and going out more -- I just had to sit myself down and realize that that stress wasn't any good for me. I had to accept that my body/mind needed alone time. But I know isolation can be bad for some.

 

That's so good your partner is supportive, but I also share the same worries that I am "too much." Lloyd is right -- these worries usually aren't accurate. We have to remember that what happened is unfair, out of control, and we're doing the best we can. If your 

7 hours ago, Farfromhome604 said:

The trouble is, we moved here with an eye towards permanence. We are both keen to return to Canada but this is largely dependent on one of us getting a job there. So, I don't really have a return date or a plan for getting back to my support network and this gives me a great deal of anxiety. 

 

Ah I see. What about short trips back? Has that been/ would that be helpful?

[Farfromhome604]

10 hours ago, bheb said:

I don't know if this would be helpful for you, but not pushing myself too much was key. I carried a lot anxiety about how i shouldve been meeting new people and going out more -- I just had to sit myself down and realize that that stress wasn't any good for me. I had to accept that my body/mind needed alone time. But I know isolation can be bad for some.

 

It's so tough - on the one hand, I don't want to beat myself up too hard for not 'doing enough' because I know that that doesn't help. On the other hand, the isolation is really tough and tends to feed my negative beliefs (i.e., that I'm worthless, unlovable, unlikable, useless, etc.).  I'm finding it really hard to be around other people at the moment because I'm constantly over-analyzing whether I'm doing or saying the right thing. I can't tell whether this means I need to push myself to be around people more to sort of get over that fear or whether I need to allow myself some breathing room. 

 

10 hours ago, bheb said:

What about short trips back? Has that been/ would that be helpful?

 

I took a trip back in November because I needed surgery - which is the same time I came off all my meds. It was wonderful to be home again, notwithstanding the surgery and withdrawal stuff. It made me feel really committed and able to be off of medication. Now that I'm away from my larger safety net, I'm not so sure. I would like to go back again but the cost is pretty high. Perhaps I should make a plan to do so after I finish the semester, though. 

[Farfromhome604]

Day two on Effexor reinstatement:

• Slept poorly last night - about 4-5 hours of sleep; woke up at around 4AM and couldn't get back to sleep - stayed in bed, tossing and turning and trying to get back to sleep, feeling that morning cortisol shock course through me, until getting up at 6:45 
• Took 6 beads at 7AM 
• About an hour after taking 6 beads, I felt sudden a headache - a head cold/pressure headache come on, along with nausea and aversion to food 
• Currently 3 hours out from dosage; feeling the headache still but the nausea has subsided a bit (though I haven't been able to eat yet) 
• Mood is okay - feeling some anxiety and frustration but not much 

[Lloyd]

From what i can remember when i took 6 beads about 5 weeks ago:

 

took 6 beads at 10:30 AM (didn't take with food) - Anxiety spike (Most likely the anxious build up to that moment when i decided to take the effexor)

10:45 - Felt the effects of the effexor - like it was squashing the anxiety effect. Felt a little bit odd etc. but not too bad.

11:30 AM - Things settling down, starting to feel more 'happy' and care free.

12:30 PM - Had lunch and went for a walk along the river - feeling pretty good & positive.

2:30 PM - feeling tired went to have a sleep but couldn't - Kept getting jolted awake.

5:30 PM - Had dinner, starting to get a headache and burning skin sensations / a bit agitated & restless.

9:00 PM - feeling a bit crap like in withdrawal. Cant sleep. Got the shakes a bit.

10:00 PM - get up and play computer games to keep my brain busy.

12:00 ish went to bed and finally got some sleep, woke up a few times during the night.

 

Next day chickened out of taking any more.

Looking back from what i can tell, the effexor wore off too quickly probably because it was such a small dose & because i didn't have it with food. Explains why i felt good for a while and then didn't.

 

[Farfromhome604]

I'm now waffling on what to do tomorrow regarding the effexor. 

 

I am leaning towards not taking it because I felt just terrible today; the nausea and the pounding headache were really distressing. The fact that I was basically unable to eat all day meant that my concentration and energy were totally shot as well. Maybe my reinstatement window has closed...I'm feeling really unsure. 

 

Do I wait to see how things go for a week or so or discontinue now because the effects were too intense? How on earth is someone meant to make these decisions?? 

[Lloyd]

How are you feeling today?

[Lloyd]

Sorry for the one line response, a bit of a hectic day today. Did you find that the symptoms were worse at any point during the day or just constant? Mine settled during the day & only got the headache late afternoon / evening. I dont like giving medical advice as i'm not experienced or qualified but from your comments you mentioned that your therapist & psychiatrist recommended re-instating a lesser amount of Effexor. I'd be inclined to give it some more time and consult with them through the process. At least you will know for certain if the reinstatement works either way. Are you able to contact your psychiatrist as they should have some experience about what to expect when re-instating?

 

Had my flu vaccine today, was a bit worried about being hyper sensitive to it. So far ok, feel a bit rubbish tonight but usually do after the flu vax.

[Farfromhome604]

11 hours ago, Lloyd said:

Sorry for the one line response, a bit of a hectic day today. Did you find that the symptoms were worse at any point during the day or just constant? Mine settled during the day & only got the headache late afternoon / evening. I dont like giving medical advice as i'm not experienced or qualified but from your comments you mentioned that your therapist & psychiatrist recommended re-instating a lesser amount of Effexor. I'd be inclined to give it some more time and consult with them through the process. At least you will know for certain if the reinstatement works either way. Are you able to contact your psychiatrist as they should have some experience about what to expect when re-instating?

 

Had my flu vaccine today, was a bit worried about being hyper sensitive to it. So far ok, feel a bit rubbish tonight but usually do after the flu vax.

 

Yesterday was pretty terrible...

• Couldn't sleep all night the night before
• Got the cortisol wakeup at 6AM 
• Took 6 beads with food at 8AM 
• Exhausted all day - couldn't concentrate at all
• Tried to take a nap - didn't work 
• Felt restless and incapable of sticking with anything 
• Couldn't eat much - Felt nauseated after eating 
• Body aches 
• Derealisation 
• Tried to go to bed early - fell asleep for one hour then jolted awake 
• Restless trying to get back to sleep - kept going back and forth between the bed and couch 
• Managed to get back to sleep for a few hours
• Cortisol wakeup at 4AM - anxiously trying to get back to sleep until finally giving in and getting up at 7. 

I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week so I'm planning on just sticking with the reinstatement at least until then and then talk to him about what's been happening. But so far I'm feeling pretty run down. 

[Lloyd]

Looks like your having a pretty rough time with it so far. Hope you find some relief soon. When i took my dose i went back into early stage withdrawal again because i think the dose was too small and it wore off too quickly during the day (Didn't have it with food).  Had 5-6 hours of peace and contentment after taking it, but then went downhill. I dropped from 25mg to 0mg so the 6 beads was around 10% of what i was taking originally. I had the jolting awake sleep problems, but they went away 2-3 days after stopping the reinstatement. Id recommend  trying chamomile tea & cinnamon with honey. Had a moderate headache last night and body was aching allot. Drank some chamomile and the headache backed off after 30 mins or so. Felt less achey which was nice.