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mariella

struggling with finding meaning to my days

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mariella

really struggling with finding meaning to my days. I'm still on 2.5mg cipramil. It's been 9 weeks that i've been on this dose.

i try to keep occupied but i have a dark cloud hanging over me. Can't see ahead, it terrifies me. gotten further into my comfort zone.

Feel the need to do more, but i just can't seem to. And if I don't do more i get terrified. I don't know if these are my symptons of withdrawing or if its just my complex post traumatic stress. 

i do also feel its side effects of the cipramil. Not having my mind clear terrifies the hell out of me. 

REALLY NEED TO FIND MEANING!!!!

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potions

I feel every single thing you’re saying. It’s been 20 months since I basically cold turkeyed Zoloft and I am still in hell; it’s so tough to carry on. The meaning for me? I feel much stronger than everyone around me. Nobody around me has dealt with the horrendous mental, emotional, and physical anguish of withdrawal. Almost nobody around me has had their ability to feel pleasure sucked out of them by a drug. I can bet that nobody around me has ever dealt with the torture that I’ve gone through in windows and waves for over 20 months now (I never came close to that level of torture before I started Zoloft). So when I come out of this, I’ll feel much stronger, much more resilient, and even superior to other people. I won’t be afraid anymore, because I’ve dealt with the worst thing I could possibly imagine. Not even my mother dying pre-SSRI would give me the torturous despair I’ve had to endure for 20 months after coming off Zoloft. I’ve never felt more alone, left to rot, and misunderstood in my life. This has been the worst experience of my life, and I don’t think anything could surpass this torture. One of the only good things I can think of that has come out of this experience is that I’ve thought about suicide so much during withdrawal that I’ve almost desensitized myself to it, which will come in handy if I ever need to do that in the future.

 

But after getting through withdrawal, we’ll both be much stronger emotionally. We’ll also be more appreciative of good days and feeling good. The windows and waves process will have made us more in touch with our emotions which will help us recognize how our moods are affecting our behaviors so we can stop ourselves hurting people we love. We will cherish every moment of joy, pleasure, and comfort we have in the future after going through the hell of severe withdrawal anxiety, anhedonia, and depression. Life will be easier and better if we get out of this. That’s what I tell myself. You can get through this, and when you do, you will come out stronger, happier, and more resilient on the other side.

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mariella

Oh my goodness potions, I feel for you. I'm so happy you are seeing it through. These experiences make us much more resilient. You are a brave human being, and I like your determination! These are the type of stories that inspire people, including me. Hope you have all the success in the world. Take gentle care of yourself and sending you hugs if that's ok🌷🌷🌷

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potions

Thank you mariella

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Audrey88

I know just how your feeling as well, it has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The one thing that has really helped me out is knowing how much love an support I want to give back to others who are suffering as well. I have made a list of some things that have helped me feel better . One great thing is guided Meditation, eating extremely healthy meals, I'm talking blended green drinks with all vegetables to get the great nutrients, a great calming Magnesium product is called Natural Calm by Natural vitality, its a powder that you drink. I would definitely avoid sugar, caffine and alcohol. I hope this helps you, I promise it will get better day by day. Stay Strong .

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mariella

Thank you Audrey88, I appreciate your advice and reassurance. 🌷🌷🌷. It's just a dark and lonely place to be in. 😖😖

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NobodySpecial

Hey @mariella,

 

Here's what my teacher has to say on finding meaning in our suffering - 

 

 

If you'd like, we could talk more about how to find meaning? 

 

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mariella

Hi nobodyspecial, 

Firstly I struggled typing your name you chose for yourself. You are definitely NOT nobody special. 

I watched the video and I am working on doing exactly what he was talking about. That is all part of healing, no matter what background. And I want to thank you for sharing and replying to my cry out for support. Sending you hugs if that's ok💚

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NobodySpecial

Hey Mariella,

 

My name is actually a commitment to my practice as a Buddhist - I am always in training to be nobody special. When I think I'm a great, really compassionate guy, I remind myself that I'm nobody special and continue my work in the world. All the same, I appreciate your sentiment and send hugs your way also :)

 

I am here for you - in any capacity you need, even if that's via Skype or telephone (as I see you're in Australia also). 

 

Michael's video is great, and it's definitely a life's work to hold our own suffering with tenderness and use those wounds to serve others. Michael actually suffered from bipolar and I think it was the way in which he was connected to, and held his pain, that he was able to do so much for others :)

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Justcope
On 5/16/2018 at 1:17 PM, NobodySpecial said:

Hey @mariella,

 

Here's what my teacher has to say on finding meaning in our suffering - 

 

 

If you'd like, we could talk more about how to find meaning? 

 

Great video. Thanks for sharing. Lots to think about after watching this... 

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