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JustwantmyShaneback: Supporting my partner on Enaflax XR 150mg ( different brand name to Effexor XR & Veneflaxiin

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JustwantmyShaneback
Posted (edited)

I have been supporting my partner of 7 years on Enaflax XR a generic brand to

( Effexor XR ) initially 2 years at 75mg increasing to 150mg in the last 2 years to date. Shane now realises the negative impact his medication has had on him. He is feeling so confused as he thinks feeling of no love towards me at times is real therefore he is questioning why is it that he hasn’t felt love and attraction for me in a very long time. Feels no attraction towards me however he does to other women. I have since discovered that senses and emotion are non existent towards what one is accustomed to however new feelings of elation excites until a repeat of vicious cycle haunts again. Hearing this from the man who professes his love for me, who protects me.... just ripped my soul apart for I have seen times when my Shane is passionate, full of love, missing me after a week away for work and yes in love. Then I am told, he has been pretending for a very long time to maintain peace then sometimes I don’t know. We had an argument over a trivial matter at Easter, this time little improvement other than a mutual agreement to remain committed yet separated as my handsome man would like to detoxify and wean off this demon on his own without my support. His goal is to find himself again as he would like to realise whether he still holds feelings for me? Whether he still loves me? Whether his is still in love with me?  

 

Despite having suffered chronic depression all his life as a result of childhood abuse, violence and recreational substance abuse in marijuana ( no longer except the occasional which I discourage based on circumstances) We had the most perfect loving relationship anyone could ask for. So expressive and full of love. I have to say that I do realise how hard Shane has tried to work things through fighting with his mind yet a times says the most hurtful things and insults imaginable. Our love and romance was concrete even at two and a half years into our relationship which we both acknowledge. Depression doomed! Unmanageable following a number of traumatic family events and financial disappointments, my partner wanted to end our relationship feeling a sense of let down to me in 2014 this was following a rough upheaval of unstable emotions throughout mid 2013 onwards. I hung in begging him to seek Dr for antidepressants as I didn’t experience any negative side effects from Zoloft over a 2 1/2 year period in 2002. Shane was desperate & went in alone, he was clearly desperate and cried at the clinic. He was initially prescribed Effexor XR SR 75mg which has been the cause of our challenges ever since. I am desperate. It has been an extremely challenging time since January 2014 therefore are now at our last tether. I care immensely and love this man as much as he did/ does for me, I have seen, felt & heard. I have also seen emptiness. He is just feeling so lost. Shane has requested to battle tapering, weaning and withdrawal symptoms on his own out of wanting to protect my son and I. He is aware about the likelihood of ugliness and unpleasantness therefore not wanting us around. It hurts to see him this way. I have a man with a heart of gold and a very powerful mind yet in pain. It has been a difficult two weeks as he wanted to walk four days ago, I managed to talk to a friend whom he looks up to and has finally realised his medication might be the cause therefore just wanting to test his feelings for me. Shane will be vacating our property in approximately 2 weeks allowing 6 months to find himself. Please share your experience as the User of AD & Support to user of AD. 

Thank you for listening xo

Edited by manymoretodays
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TeaBea

I'm so sorry you're here, but it's good that you are, given the circumstances.  One thing which is critical to impart to your partner is the need for SLOW withdrawal--don't listen to the doctor unless he/she also recognizes the difficulty in successfully getting off these things.  Another would be if he would read the SSRI "user" and spouses stories on the "Marriages" thread in this subforum (there's a link to them on the first page of that thread, posted by Konjo, I think).  It will help him to see just how many other folks have had the love for their significant others crushed while on SSRI meds.  

 

My husband was on Effexor 150 mg from 2006-2013.  It was a horrible time.  He couldn't care less about me while flirting like crazy with everyone else, even right in front of me.  He had no tact, and he was cold at home.  Alcohol became a HUGE problem (I've shared my story elsewhere here), which is ALL--every last freakin' bit of it--Effexor's fault.  I'd read how horrible withdrawal can be, and since he couldn't afford to mess up his brain (because of work), we started weaning him off VERY slowly.  When he was about halfway down, his feelings came back.  He could only THEN totally see how the med had screwed him up and turned him into someone else entirely.  He apologized for so much once he could see what he'd done, etc.  He knows now how fortunate he is that I didn't give up on him.  It's a terrible med for some people.....

 

Good luck to you.

TB

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JustwantmyShaneback

Good morning TeaBea, 

 

I don’t know what to say other than how appreciative I am for your response of support. Had I only discovered this website sooner. The number of support from members is actually far more informative and beneficial oppose to Dr’s not actually understanding the complete truth and knowing how Effexor impacts lives. I am filled with mixed emotions! Not only am I heartbroken. I despise Shane’s father responsible for the pain and trauma inflicted as a result throughout Shane’s life a negative impact on his wellbeing. I had a wonderful childhood experiencing many most could only ever dream of. Yes my parents argued, who doesn’t?

 

I feel so fortunate to have such a strong and healthy mind set despite seeing my parents divorced and myself divorced after 14 years of marriage due to substance abuse of Crystal Meth, infidelity and a compulsive liar on the ex husband’s part. As Shane quoted when we first met

“ There is always two sides to a story “ however he regrettably took that back prettty quickly acknowledging “ Not in your story “ as he got to understand my circumstances with confirmation from strangers about the type of unacceptable behaviour by the ex husband.  Again, childhood abandonment issues and you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves. 

 

Shane my love in the other hand is incomparable for he is the most respectful, loyal, honest, loving, expressive with abilities to share his feelings and thoughts in beautiful words by writing, Shane isn’t much of a talker, he has been telling me more since 2014. I feel this stems back to living in fear as a child a way of suppressing his feelings, hurt and pain because Shane was very talkative when we met. I know most people would comment “ Honeymoone period “ but he/we would often talk about our beautiful courtship even with our children and friends 2 1/2 years into our relationship. This all gradually fizzled thank’s to Effexor. I waited 6 years for Shane to find me and I will not be giving up on him. We were/ are very much in sync with deep feelings and passion which has peered through now and then even with Effexor. We just need to find him again. Find us again. I am terriblly worried as he is wanting to just lock himself away leading a unit on his own & going Cold Turkey. He is and has always been an independent man therefore see where his pride comes from. In sickness and in health. Though we are not married, we do treat one another do  occasionally address each other as our spouse. Our life is actually only just beginning together despite our relationship of 7 years. I have withheld codependent living for various reasons. We had dreams and plans even up to January 2018. We have truly hit rock bottom now in our challenge. I have drawn a line in the sand this time. As much as I love Shane and devestated, I am prepared to let him go if he should no longer feel our strength in love. It is very sad and yes I would be lying if I am to tell you I am not afraid. Just concerned as Shane has deep seeded issues which needs professional help in order to resolve or at least move on. As doctor said or it will be a vicious cycle yet again with another person. I am not one to force myself on a man. I don’t mean to sound arrogant or boastful but neither Shane or I would ever be short of interest therefore not fearful of being on our own but it is the special qualities and connection which we found in one another that we need to find again in order to have a chance to live our dreams. 

 

Shane has two beautiful children where a fall out took place in 2016. He is a wonderful father and teenagers can be so heartless and selfish. Shane’s children were his world. As hurt as he is, I am confident forgiveness with open arms for both father and children will be in time. We were a perfect blended family as I have two daughters age 18 & 21. My little man is 13. Shane has a son age 19 & daughter 18. Our 4 older children have not been at home with us for sometime however the children remain very very close. We have always said how very blessed we are.

 

From your experience, in all honesty do you really think 6 months would be sufficient to find oneself again? I am just so happy Shane is the one initiating this. I would much rather be by his side as your husband allowed you but feel that Shane has concerns as well. This goes to show me the strength he has over his mind. Mention of schizophrenia and psychosis tendencies prelevent in his family, his violent father. 

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SkyBlue

Hello and welcome to SA. You are in good company here, as many here have been through what you are experiencing.

 

A request: Are you able to check the font size you are using? It is coming across very large and looks a bit like shouting. 

 

I hope you find information and solidarity that will help you in this journey.

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

My apologies SkyBlue as it was unintentional. Thank you for bringing the size of my font to my attention. I don’t seem to be able to correct the size of font as I had copied and paste from IPad Notes. 

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Konjo

Dear JustwantmyShaneback - I'm very sorry that this happended to you guys. 

 

As Teabea mentioned above I collected some useful information to understand what is going on:

 

Stories od SSRI Users:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V_y9LX-6WGaD4SfA4IZghBMEM3nqHdUluN2sAidGfzg/edit?usp=sharing

 

Stories of SSRI user's spouses:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12F_yiwXqFdalDOs2JQR_y_uF-X8aAqcgqUJoUjrTIWY/edit?usp=sharing

 

Why they walked away:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-1a0r0-PVvFy54vm_A1pF9fS8n0lRlxqygZCInRz4BE/edit?usp=sharing

 

Video from Helen Fisher speech:

 

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Konjo and yes I discovered these post earlier which confirms my experience as normal to everyone else’s. Today Shane admittedly mentioned that one isn’t totally mind fogged to the extent of not knowing what one is doing such as have an affair etc.... he feels it is inexcusable an excuse just because being medicated. Then again Shane has a very powerful mind & is very strong willed.

 

Today, Day 3 of tapering... prolonging the time of subsequent dose... 30 hours, 32 hours, 36 hours... He seems very focused having workout a routine which he intends to space out over 6 months. xo

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JustwantmyShaneback

Dear Brass Monkey, 

 

I contacted a lovely stranger in the UK whom suggested that you would be the best person to ask about tapering. My partner commenced  Effexor 75mg in April 2014. Increasing to Enaflax 150mg in 2016, a generic brand more suited to him. Shane is now insisting on moving out, seperate attempting to taper with a goal to weaning on his own.

 

He isn’t under the care of any therapist and wishes to do this on his own for clarity of his mind and feelings towards our relationship. It is so painful to watch shut us down. Shane commenced gradually prolonging the duration of his next dose which started on 19/04/18 if that makes sense? 05/05/18 he took his medication 43hours after his last dose. The next dose of 150mg will be in 44hours. We are in Brisbane, Australia. Saturday 04/04/18 was his worst day. Feeling exhausted and really not in a good head space. Headache and withdrawn. Very foggy in the mind and said his mind is made up about moving out. It is very painful killing me to see him this way. 

 

 I have shown Shane and given him access to my username and password however unsure if he would ask for support. I am therefore trying to find out as much as possible of how I am able to help eventhough he isn’t wanting me to. I know that Shane sometimes takes on board what I share. I do love him so very much. I am prepared to stand by Shane to the end by supporting him. Upon successful weaning, if he should still feel that there is no chance of reconciliation to saving what we once shared a love and relationship so concrete like no other than as heart broken as I am now, at least I will walk away knowing that he is in a good head space with clarity to conquer ahead to move forward in life. I am deep down inside hoping to find us again as yesterday he did acknowledge that he does love me... he is just not in a good head space. I guess I have never really understood this phrase. 

 

I started thread in the introduction forum on April 16 however am a little uncertain how to go about this thread now. May I just add the exact same questions about safe tapering of Effexor 150mg? SA, Brass Monkey, members, spouses and administrators, you are all a god send. You have no idea how much I appreciate and value  your guidance. I understand the position you are in and just appreciate your advice. Shane is exhausted today and is still in bed. I briefly mentioned to him my attempt to communicate with SA & Brass Monkey. I am just so happy that he nodded his head. I discovered SA by chance and feel as if I’d struck the Jackpot. Bless him my love. Thank you xo

 

 

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Songbird

Hi JustWantMyShaneBack, thanks for your question.  Shane is lucky to have you looking out for him.  I've just merged your new question into your topic, and moved it to Introductions.  You can continue to post on this topic, like a journal.

 

I'm sorry to say that the tapering method your partner is using of increasing the time between doses is a terrible idea.  The dose in the body will quickly run out and throw the body into withdrawal until the next dose arrives.  It's much better to keep the dose times consistent, and gradually reduce the amount of the dose over time.

 

Here is some information about the tapering method we recommend here:  Why taper by 10% of my dosage

 

It would be great if you could convince your partner to become a member so we can help him directly.  He is much more likely to be successful (as well as experience milder withdrawal effects) by using a better tapering method.

 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Dear Songbird, 

 

I thank you for your response and for collating my journal to the one focus thread. Pardon my ignorance for this is the first time for me to be involved in any assistant or support group. Thank you xo

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Songbird

Here is some information specifically about tapering venlafaxine:  Tips for tapering off effexor venlafaxine

 

Most of the information is in the top post - it could be helpful to your partner for him to read it, if he's willing.

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Songbird. I will try sharing this with Shane.

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JustwantmyShaneback

Shane has resumed taking his normal dose as suggested and await for your next advice. Thank you.

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brassmonkey

That's good to hear. It's going to take several weeks for things to stabilize and there will be some ups and downs during that time, so don't panic if there is a bit of a down turn. Skyblue and Songbird have given you a lot of good information for understanding what is happening and making plans for a taper.  We don't want to rush things so lets take the time it needs to get Shane good and stable, then we'll work on getting him tapered off.

 

If you would please add a signature block with a listing of his drug use, dates and doses it would be really helpful: click on your name at the upper right, Account Settings in the drop down menu and Signature to the upper left.

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Brass Monkey 

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JustwantmyShaneback

Hello Brass Monkey, Songbird & SkyBlue, 

 

Shane isn’t in favour of signing up as an individual though he has been receptive towards me sharing information and suggestions to him as he is aware that I am with SA how long is Shane required to reinstate at 150mg in prep before he is able to attempt tapering at 10%? Enaflax XR SR is encapsulated with 2 tablets in each capsule. Would it be safe to crush and weigh as the brand Effexor isn’t suitable for Shane. Thank you

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JustwantmyShaneback

Thank you Brass Monkey & yes I will keep reading & continue to share with Shane as he is at least giving me a chance by listening 

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