Reducing stress

[Nadia]

Ever since I fell into this pit of withdrawal, I have wondered if I should try to take as much of a break as possible from "real life" or if trying to continue my life as normally as possible is the answer. What are other people's impressions about this?

 

I'm at a point where I'm mostly well enough to function outside of the home. I can drive, get places, have a bit better concentration and mental ability, etc. But any stressor really affects me deeply, ruining my sleep, making me get tired easily, making symptoms like dizziness and deep anxiety return. I have plowed through it all and kept working, but I wonder if I would have healed more if I had taken a break. Right now that was my plan, not to take any new jobs and live off my savings with my boyfriend's help for a while. Now I've been offered a job, and in order to get out of the house and feel less depressed I'm tempted to take it, but at the same time, I'm really scared I won't be able to handle it. The only other job outside of the house I've had was last September, and I was not functioning that well (I still made it through and it was mostly really good for my mood).

 

I tend to think that you have to push yourself, but I'm not sure to what degree.

 

I have more thoughts on this but I can't manage them at the moment. Just the thought of taking this new job has sent me into such anxiety that I'm barely able to hold it together.

[spectio]

Hey, my friend:: boy, that's really a doozie to figure out. I've been tortured by this dilemma, too. I've turned down numerous jobs that I always had minimal problem with doing, since I did them "hundreds" of times before WD. The worse part for me is signing on for a job, and then living in terror I wouldn't be able to meet the commitment. Since mornings are so unpredictable and usually filled with bad symptoms, I would be a total wreck anyway just worrying about showing up.

 

I dont know what to tell you to do, Nadia, but you've gone at this WD similarly to the way I have. I've tried to bull my way through things, too, and I wonder if we're prolonging recovery by subjecting our tortured , anxiety ridden brains to more misery. I personally don't think it's a good idea, any more. I know what you're thinking, that if we don't use it, we'll lose it. I'm not sure if we should think of our brains like a healiing muscle or bone. Unfortunately, how much time it will take is an uncomfortable unknown. Can we stand it one more day? Some days I really don't think I can.

 

I sure do wish I was making more progress and that I could do a few more jobs I did before. I can do some things, as long as they don't involve a huge commitment of time and don't trigger a huge interval between agreeing to do them and actually doing them. The anticipatory anxiety is still a big thing.

 

Do you have a strict schedule to keep or can you do this job at your own rate?

 

ALTO, how did you handle WD and working? How long did it take you to get back to the point where you weren't panicky about doing anything(work wise, that is?). Anybody else out there who can give us some insight into when this anticipatory anxiety gets better and what they did to get to that point?

[Nadia]

Hmm... healing bone or muscle. I think you're onto something with that, Spectio! OK, when you injure yourself, you need to lay off for a while, BUT you also have to rehabilitate, right? Or else you can atrophy and even prevent healing. I guess the real trick is finding just how far to push without doing more damage. I go back and forth about this so much.

 

I think even when not going through withdrawal I had a hard time gauging how far to push myself. I spend half my time thinking I'm going too easy on myself and I'm a wimp, and the other half thinking I am way too hard on myself and should cut myself some slack.

 

This new job would not allow me any flexibility. It's a hard-core job with tight deadlines and long, long hours. I calmed down a little after I wrote my initial post (and it's strange to me how lucid sounding it is considering that I felt like a total wreck while I was writing it--that's interesting in itself), and felt like I could do it, and then I'm right back to feeling afraid it's going to push me too far and put further roadblocks in my recovery. Maybe I need to keep active, but with something less challenging. This job would probably help my depression but hurt my anxiety/sleep.

 

Someone from work who I was telling about my insomnia troubles (without going into any other detail) said something really nice to me today. She said whatever work I considered sloppy because of sleep deprivation was probably better than most other people's work anyway. I don't know about that... but it's true that so far I have been able to more or less pull off the stuff I've had to do for work. So I'd probably be able to do this... the thing is, at what cost?

 

Have people who have gotten time off seen improvement from reducing stress? Or will our minds/bodies just lock onto whatever there is and stress anyway? Maybe if you try to lie low you just lower the threshold of what you can take. Maybe like when I was on vacation you get better, only to fall again when stress goes back to its usual level?

[BRapsidy]

I know for me when I was going through the more intence part of WD I had my father here to help with the kids. He did EVERYTHING for me and I was able to retreat into my bedroom anytime I felt overwhelmed and then could join in when I felt more stable. I really believe having that help and the ability to concentrate on just me helped get me through the hardest time I have had in all of my recovery. Now that he is gone and my husband is working I have no choice but to just plow through my day. For me when my anxiety is up or my emotions seem to be changing a mile a minute it seems like it takes longer to level out because I can't just walk away and focus on myself. Then again there are times that it is helpfull for me to have outside things to focus on so that I do not spend all my time focusing on what is going on inside my head and in my body. Not sure if any of this is making any sense, considering I have only had a few hours of sleep.

[jr1985]

Personally, I find work and volunteering helpful as it helps take my mind off of myself and my symptoms. I only work part-time and volunteer once per fortnight though, so maybe a little part time job would help you? It means getting out of the house/your own head but only for a little while.

[Altostrata]

I wish I were working. I'm not up to that yet.

 

One needs to minimize stress to convalesce. But a knowledgeable doctor told me challenges are also good for the nervous system when it gets stronger.

 

You just need to figure out how much you can handle. Go carefully, bit by bit. It's like physical training, practice one component first and then move on to the next.

 

For example, very light non-stressful volunteering, then maybe more hours, then maybe a part-time job.

 

I agree with jr, some kind of activity is helpful, as long as it doesn't exceed your capacity for stress.

[Barbarannamated]

My situation is different as ive been on disability for 11 years, long before withdrawal, so dont feel qualified to offer an opinion.

 

My first thought was to stay active and occupied with as little demanding stress as possible. Deadlines and pressure would put me over the edge right now.

[Nadia]

Alto,

 

So with the going slow... would you judge whether something is too much or not by your reaction? Like, if more stress produces insomnia or anxiety, would you take it as a sign to take a step back?

 

A lot of anxiety therapies stress "taking the bull by the horns" and not letting yourself get pushed into retreat. Of course, what might work for GAD might not work for the anxiety/hyperalertness that we go through with withdrawal.

 

I thought the Morita Therapy was interesting in this regard. Morita was a Japanese doctor who developed this therapy during the 1930s for patients who had neurasthenia, which is today thought to be a form of dysautonomia. It had four stages:

 

1. Isolation and rest.

2. Light occupational therapy.

3. Heavy occupational therapy.

4. Complex activities.

 

There are two different factors for me: The first is the stress that just the THOUGHT of a challenge might bring for me. Even when I was totally OK, I would still get stressed out at the thought of a new job. It brought on all sorts of doubts of my abilities, etc. But what was manageable before and did not mess with my sleep or give me panic attacks, now throws me for a loop. It's pretty clear that all my worst waves of symptoms have been due to some outside stressor. The worst was to a medicine, but many have been to sudden psychological stressors in relation to work. My dad dying was also a pretty big one, in terms not so much of the emotional pain (though that has to be factored in as well), but the pressure of having to take his place in terms of certain life responsibilities.

 

The second is the actual amount of work and stress put on my body from long hours or exertion. This is also the case if I exercise too much, get a massage that is too intense, go to a party and the music is too loud, etc. But in general I feel like this factor is not as earth-shattering. However, it could make me in general more vulnerable to #1.

 

In any case, today I'm leaning toward not taking the job and finding something a bit less stressing. But I'm also reminding myself that when I challenged myself and went away for a month for a job last year, I was also really afraid and it turned out OK. My mood improved so much that it made me able to withstand all the other symptoms. For example, DP and DR improved tremendously during that period.

 

Sometimes I wonder, if it's the amygdala's fear response that is wreaking havoc... if we pay too much attention to it aren't we just feeding it, and somehow positively reinforcing the fear?

 

Of course, these questions are for someone like me who is past the very worst of withdrawal, or who never had completely debilitating symptoms for so long that they couldn't get out of bed, for example.

 

In any case, I don't think I'd ever be able to fully take it easy. My mother senses and persecutes any suspected weakness.

[meistersinger]

I wish I were working. I'm not up to that yet.

 

One needs to minimize stress to convalesce. But a knowledgeable doctor told me challenges are also good for the nervous system when it gets stronger.

 

You just need to figure out how much you can handle. Go carefully, bit by bit. It's like physical training, practice one component first and then move on to the next.

 

For example, very light non-stressful volunteering, then maybe more hours, then maybe a part-time job.

 

I agree with jr, some kind of activity is helpful, as long as it doesn't exceed your capacity for stress.

 

Tell that to the jackass that is my brother. If anyone deserves to be on an ssri or an SNRI, it's him

[spectio]

Hey, Nadia, I really got a good chuckle out of your last sentence. Are you able to "compartmentalize " your mom's abnoxiousness? Maybe you can both find some low level distraction, in separate parts of the planet that is. That in itself may be worth taking on a new challenge, for you for sure. She may benefit greatly, too.

 

Is there any colleague you can confide in about this recovery issue. I mean, if someone knew a little about the trials you are facing, maybe that would calm your anxiety. I really understand, though if you are reluctant to tell anybody anything.

 

I personally have told very few people I even had depression let alone tell them the whole ugly story about WD and recovery. Someone else on the forum expressed their exasperation at having this very real illness and having to bear it in silence with practically NO help from the medical field that placed us here. That secrecy only adds to our already "strained" sense of confidence.

 

Anyway, kiddo, you have all of us solidly in your corner. Whatever you decide to do, we will be here for support. You have come SO far and have risen back up EVERY single time this monster has knocked you down.

 

HUGGS AND LOVE, as always!!

[bubbles]

I have been very stressed lately, with various life events. I have to ride them out as they will come to an end over the next few weeks/month. I am also required to "volunteer" at my kid's school, and way back when I put my name down to help in the office. Well, I goofed a little and went in on the wrong day, which turned out to be a good thing. I had a lovely morning - I did some basic data entry, and then sorted out sheet music, with the lady who was actually meant to be there - it was much nicer doing it with someone else. It was very "not complex" but I got to dress up a bit (office clothes, as compared to my usual mom outfit of cargos and sneakers), chat with some new people and do something that helped someone else out. It did wonders for my mood, and I'm disappointed that I'm going to have to reschedule my next rostered session as it clashes with box packing for our move (one of the things that will all go away in a few weeks...).

B

[Altostrata]

Nadia, you have to trust your sense of what you can do. Yes, if it makes you very anxious and you can't sleep for several nights in a row, the activity is too stressful.

 

Is there any way you can sample the situation before you make a decision about it?

[Nikki]

Hi Nadia...

 

My experience was that work was a Blessing, Saving Grace if you will. It was my opportunity to get up and out the door. Focus on something other than WD, interact with people I really liked. I dressed to the 9's everyday (it was a Country Club). Looking well helped me alot too.

 

A Therapist advised me to 'stick to the basics': Work, Rest, Eat Well, Find some form of enjoyment and for me Al-Anon Meetings. After the Saturday meeting I would have brunch and talk to my friends about the WD...They were wonderful. Very kind.

 

This aided me very much. When I was tired, I would take a nap on Saturday afternoons. During the summer months I would go to the Beach. The Ocean has a healing effect.

 

As for Stressors: My reaction to stress was not good. I over-reacted due to what I now know as Neuro-emotions. WD for me produces agitation and I had to make a number of amends.

I do have regrets in that area. Two people that I was agitated with have passed away.

 

Today I know better about Neuro-emotions.

 

What are you finances dictating? Do you really want the other job? Is there a future with taking another job? Just some questions....can you do a pro/con list Very helpful.

 

You are a strong person and have helped alot of people here. Don't underestimate your strength.

 

Remember there are no wrong decisions. You already have a job which is great.

 

Hugs

[Nadia]

Thanks, everyone, for your input.

 

I'm still on the fence about this.

 

I'm not very good at self-discipline, so it does help me, especially for depression, to have something to dive into. I must admit I also am thinking about it as a way to separate a bit from my mother. One of the things that is making me so unhappy now is that I feel like I don't have my own life. There is plenty else I need to do, but it is all stuff I dread and I'm dragging... I realize I'm thinking of this job as a form of escape.

 

At the same time, I've done this type of job before and it is very demanding... we're talking about 16 hour days, lots of times having to work weekends as well. Supposedly this particular job won't be so hard core, but they always say that. And I'm not at my best, so I'd probably be working slower, and it's not the "see how much you can get done during the day" kind of job, but X amount of work needs to be turned in by X date (hard deadlines) no matter what.

 

It also would mean having to work all of January, which is the only vacation time my boyfriend has with his new job....

 

Even then, they money would help, as my savings are dwindling, and it is an OK job as far as my resume is concerned. And it only lasts 4 months.

 

My alternate plan is taking a few relaxing classes (art, language, exercise) and letting my boyfriend carry some of the load. Not great for my self-esteem, but when will I ever get the chance again, I think? And maybe those things will help me get more in touch with true emotion.

 

I guess deep down there is still a strong part of me that says I have to face the anxiety and not let it dictate my actions. That I have to let go of feeling "not well" and that will help me be well. Still, it's kind of hard to listen to what I "truly" want under all the screaming anxiety!

[areyouthere]

 

I'm at a point where I'm mostly well enough to function outside of the home. I can drive, get places, have a bit better concentration and mental ability, etc. But any stressor really affects me deeply, ruining my sleep, making me get tired easily, making symptoms like dizziness and deep anxiety return. I have plowed through it all and kept working, but I wonder if I would have healed more if I had taken a break. Right now that was my plan, not to take any new jobs and live off my savings with my boyfriend's help for a while. Now I've been offered a job, and in order to get out of the house and feel less depressed I'm tempted to take it, but at the same time, I'm really scared I won't be able to handle it. The only other job outside of the house I've had was last September, and I was not functioning that well (I still made it through and it was mostly really good for my mood).

 

I tend to think that you have to push yourself, but I'm not sure to what degree.

 

 

Nadia , did you take the job? Your post really resonates with me. I feel as if for every day I continue my stressful job I am pushing my recovery two days backwards.

 

I only have until Christmas and I will retire but I am so damn tired, exhausted, burned out, incapacitated in every way but functioning at work ( and I'm not doing my work justice either ) that I am still not positive I will make it that long.

 

 

You said "I'm at a point where I'm mostly well enough to function outside of the home. I can drive, get places, have a bit better concentration and mental ability, etc. " I just want to get to that place . I hope that whatever you decided that you are doing well.

[Nikki]

Christmas is right around the corner

 

Stress these days is hard stress. The obsessive - insomnia type. Having WD in the mix is tough.

 

It's good to read Neuro-emotions by Healing. It gives some clarity to the situation.

 

Hugs

[Nadia]

Hi, Areyouthere,

 

I didn't take the job... nor another year and a half one they just offered me on Saturday that paid well but was even more grueling. Just the offer of the jobs set me back considerably! After much thought I'm going to take some classes, finish up the job I'm on now, and only take new work if it's really what I want to do and not too stressful. I also think I'll try artificial insemination for getting pregnant. I have mixed feelings about my decision. Sometimes I think I'm running away, others that I'm opening up space for healing and finding meaning in life. We'll see how it goes! I guess at least I'm trying something new. I just want to get well enough that I have some gumption for redesigning my life. I feel I need to make a big change, but I don't have the strength. I still struggle with very basic things. All my energy goes into combating anxiety, depression, and exhaustion. Making a meal can be daunting... then, when stress is lower, I seem to start getting better, feeling more desire to work and do things. The challenge here will be to have the self-discipline to stay active without an outside force requiring it. And I can't get away with this for more than a few months. I'll need an income.

 

Of course, no matter how much you reduce stress, life throws things at you... car accidents, loud environments, pressures from others... For me, the job offers are THE most common setback. I know a lot of this is anxiety I have to get over, and everyone tells me I am foolish not to take the jobs, that one day they will stop coming. There are so many people looking for jobs and unable to get them. It makes me feel guilty, but I'm hoping the trend will continue later... that my work will speak for itself when I'm ready to get a job. I should also mention that the jobs I'm offered are not really where I want to take my career. I will eventually need to put some hard work in refocusing my career.

 

I guess I'm hoping this will be a type of sabbatical.

[Barbarannamated]

Nadia said:

 

"The challenge here will be to have the self-discipline to stay active without an outside force requiring it."

 

That sure hit the nail on the head for me! It is STRESSFUL to be unscheduled and have to create things to stay busy. Thank you for that concise wording.

 

Wonderful news, Nadia.

[areyouthere]

In your signature:

 

12/11 Relapse, work stress. Anxiety, depression & insomnia.

1/12 Gradual improvement in anxiety & insomnia.

 

 

So you were off all medication and the work stress triggered a relapse...right? Did you reinstate or have you remained off of all meds? I can see why you would want to stay away from stress... from work... especially if it just triggers symptoms.

 

So you are trying to give your nervous system time to heal. That sounds really smart. I hope for you that you can find an income/ job that will support you yet not trigger symptoms. BTW.... and maybe I'm crossing a boundary here, but you do understand that having a child is a stressful business itself. I mean I understand the drive to be a Mom, I did it three times! It wasn't easy and when money was tight it was even worse. But then I still had babies, they are all healthy, productive and happy so I have no regrets.wouldn't have given it up either.

 

I just wanted to point it out.

[Nadia]

I have not reinstated... only one day last year, right before finding this site, did I try taking my meds again, and the result was much worse agitation, so I only did the one day.

 

I hear you with the having a child thing. Today I'm having a bad day and I think...am I nuts? How am I going to pull off someone needing me 24/7 when I'm struggling just taking care of myself and ocassionally my mom and boyfriend? But I'm 42 and running out of time. My mom says she'd help. If I could put this off until I was completely healed, I would. As it is, I don't think my chances of getting pregnant are too high. I don't know... on the days I'm feeling better it seems doable. Today I feel crazy for even thinking it.

 

Certainly it would not be the stress free period I hope for now!

 

But I do handle certain types of stress well...

 

I will try to answer more cogently later. I'm feeling really sick tonight.