dazygirl Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I see that this is an old post to reply to but I relate completely! I hope I can get part of if not all of my former self and feelings and emotions back. I remember my old self laughing a lot at everything...before depression diagnoses and antidepressants. My life is in stuck mode. I lost an important relationship due to what I think might be a detached feeling from people I supposedly love. Stopped having a drive for life, sense of humor, and no chance of getting excited about anything. Just kind of dead inside. I hate it. and also, a lot of obsessive compulsive thoughts. Thank you for sharing all of you. I see I am not alone. I am tapering off of cymbalta at the moment from 60 to 30, but was prescribed 10 mg. of prozac for the taper temporarily. I wonder how I'll feel when I stop with the prozac. scared. dazygirl prozac many years effexor cr a year? cymbalta 60.mg 2-3 years cymbalta 30mg. for 9 days. 9th day june 23rd 2013 started fluoxetine 10mg on day 8 of cymbalta 30mg. june 22nd 2013 risperidone 1mg. for 2-3 years clonazepam 1mg. per day for 2-3 years alpralozam as needed 1 year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazygirl Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I apologize. This is not an old post I responded to. I don't know how to use the site properly. I'm so sorry that people are suffering so much as we are. I thought I was the only one. prozac many years effexor cr a year? cymbalta 60.mg 2-3 years cymbalta 30mg. for 9 days. 9th day june 23rd 2013 started fluoxetine 10mg on day 8 of cymbalta 30mg. june 22nd 2013 risperidone 1mg. for 2-3 years clonazepam 1mg. per day for 2-3 years alpralozam as needed 1 year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiana Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I keep reading over and over that it will get better, Dazygirl. I hang onto that. Try not to feed into it, but instead just let it flow and keep yourself as comfy as you can. There are plenty of people that are in the same boat with you, including myself. I'm so sorry you're in the boat too, but instead of being scared and fighting it, which I find only makes it worse, try to find some things to keep you from thinking about it so much. I know how hard it can be, but rest assured others have gone before us and it has gotten better for them. I hope you're having an easier time with it today. (((hugs))) Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare 1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?... I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazygirl Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Thank you Christiana, I hope you are doing better also. You've been thru so much. Thank you again. I would have a longer reply but I seem to have come down with a flu or something. prozac many years effexor cr a year? cymbalta 60.mg 2-3 years cymbalta 30mg. for 9 days. 9th day june 23rd 2013 started fluoxetine 10mg on day 8 of cymbalta 30mg. june 22nd 2013 risperidone 1mg. for 2-3 years clonazepam 1mg. per day for 2-3 years alpralozam as needed 1 year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christiana Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 You're quite welcome, Dazygirl! Thank you very much for the well wishes! I wish you the same! I'm so sorry to hear you've come down with something! Withdrawal can feel like the flu, so are you sure it's not just withdrawal that's making you feel worse? At any rate, I hope you improve quickly! (hugs) Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare 1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?... I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelt712 Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I am 5 months out from taking Zoloft and almost 3 months out from ending it, still have severe anhedonia from a 59 day adverse reaction to it. I took it for 5 weeks before 4 weeks are tapering and it's not physical hell as much as it is mental hell. I am scared I am going to loose everything. I am off of all meds as of May 20th, 2013, after 5 weeks on Zoloft and a 4 week taper. Still experiencing: moderate anhedonia & PSSD, I am otherwise mostly healed. 2.1 years off of medication. "If I walk away, don't hate me. I've got to see where the pain will take me. I found no angels...I found myself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted August 13, 2013 Member Share Posted August 13, 2013 Perhaps, for some, there is a germ of an idea here: http://www.strugglingteens.com/artman/publish/AnhedoniaES_100807.shtml What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelt712 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Thank you, Cymbalta. I am off of all meds as of May 20th, 2013, after 5 weeks on Zoloft and a 4 week taper. Still experiencing: moderate anhedonia & PSSD, I am otherwise mostly healed. 2.1 years off of medication. "If I walk away, don't hate me. I've got to see where the pain will take me. I found no angels...I found myself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted August 13, 2013 Member Share Posted August 13, 2013 Really, theelt? Oh please sweetie,, I'd like to think I did something 'helpful' because right now, I cannot even help myself. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelt712 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I know that I can't help myself either, but maybe the ideas there will be useful for teens suffering from anhedonia. I am off of all meds as of May 20th, 2013, after 5 weeks on Zoloft and a 4 week taper. Still experiencing: moderate anhedonia & PSSD, I am otherwise mostly healed. 2.1 years off of medication. "If I walk away, don't hate me. I've got to see where the pain will take me. I found no angels...I found myself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted August 13, 2013 Member Share Posted August 13, 2013 It wasn't just the 'teen' part, per se. It was the 'constant need for stimulation' that the writer was getting at. That, in the absence of stimulation that 'the internet' and electronic devices bring, we become habituated to 'outside stimulation' and the feelings those stimulations bring. When those things no longer give a sense of relief, or NOTHING does, we give a name to the feeling we are left with and one of it's labels is 'anhedonia'. Don't forget, I am a 'child of the internet' too. I just started later in life. There was probably, in my life, an adequate balance of 'nature stuff' and other: TV, books, etc. My dad was a 'nature nut'. Nowadays, I tend to run to my computer to 'fix what ails me', instead of going for a walk, immersing myself in 'petting my cat', cleaning the house. All of those take you out of your 'mind' and into your body and the world of 'sense' (sensory). The internet keeps you focused mainly in your 'mind'. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbarannamated Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Really, theelt? Oh please sweetie,, I'd like to think I did something 'helpful' because right now, I cannot even help myself.I relate to this feeling. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted August 13, 2013 Member Share Posted August 13, 2013 Barb, I hope you are not 'feeling' it too, because I feel really, really bad right now. No appetite, no motivation, tearful and irritable,yada yada I am DEPRESSED. That's what this feels like, it's not anhedonia. Good old garden variety depression, my life companion. I have not made any progress at all. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SigmundFreud Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) Hi all. I think my new waves now consists of symptoms resembling somewhat cyclothymia. what are the things i can do or supplements i can take to help when i feel that 'blah' that the mood cure was talking about. I think I am already overstimulated and I use taurine, GABA, propranolol, and xanor when i get back to anxiety/panic symptoms. i tend to get stimulated on b-complex, fish oil, st. johns wort, and sam-e. Im waiting on my order of d-phenylalanine because in the mood cure, it turned out i might be low on endorphins after all the painful things that happened to me. any inputs will be greatly appreciated. hang in there guys lets help each other in our journey towards healing. Edited October 15, 2013 by SigmundFreud Dec 2012 tried 10 mg Lexapro caused panic attack titrated 5 mg, and finally settling at 2.5 mg for some time Jan-May 2013 on and off carelessly experimented on doses from 1.5 mg to as high as 12.5 mg June 2013 had extreme anxiety/panic attacks/paranoia when I ran out of samples. July 7 2013 - August 10 2013 went back to 2.5 mg to relieve the anxiety and it worked until i felt restless and agitated August 11 2013 AD-free and substituted with 5-HTP and it seemed to work together with GABA after I read "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross dec 20, 2013 switched to 5mg Valium from 0.25mg-0.5mg xanax daily and felt better dec31 3.75mg V Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted December 4, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 4, 2013 Wow, I was sent here because on my "intro thread" I mentioned lack of pleasure in anything. What I'm hearing here is anhedonia, lack of pleasure, and depression, lack of motivation. Or maybe I am just conditioned, after decades of depression, to make myself do things, even when there is no apparent benefit, reward, or emotional stroke? I gave up on sex over a decade ago because I just couldn't feel anything. The best description I've heard in here (sorry it was pages ago) was "Danger? Really? I'll just watch and see what happens, because to do something would take too much involvement, commitment" (paraphrased) But I take that back. I do feel things. I feel sadness, loss, disgust, annoyance, anger, all those negative emotions. But not all of them. It is as though they are at the bottom of the well, and the well is my body, and I can glimpse the thing that is "disturbing the waters" and maybe identify it, but I don't really touch what I suffer from. And the anhedonia: this is, to me - a trip to the hairdressers. Gonna get a nice new 'do. I have to do it, since I lost my thyroid, my hair gets really unmanageable (those of you who cut it off in tangles, I empathize). So this girl1s fingers are running through my hair, shampoo, hot water, no pleasure. I remember when this would bring tingles up and down my arms, and a sigh would escape my breath. Now, nothing. Same with massage. I thought I would test it and went for a relaxing Bali massage (not an intense, pounding, take your breath away remedial massage). I could not wait until the girl stopped touching me. I actually prefer the intense pounding remedial massage, because then I feel SOMETHING, even if it is pain. That is the hug that people want from me, and I give it, but cannot wait until it is over. That is the kiss that, "kissing 2 minutes a day will heal any relationship", I feel him responding and feeling it, and it is nothing to me. Nothing. Just a wet messy motion with my lips and mouth, are we done yet? When I see kissing or sex scenes on TV, it is like being an alien watching the mating habits of another species. "What odd things they do with their mouth, what strange ways they have to express their feelings!" As for what I see here as depression: the "give-a-yhit-a-tude" that makes you do things, get up and go. Sometime in the 90's I decided that to do one thing a day was good. Whether that was work, or exercise, taking a bath/shower, or dinner with friends - I didn't distinguish because I got similar reward from all. Today it is an appointment with the dietitian, I will write more about that in my intro thread. SOME DAYS I actually do two things, like yesterday was a trip to the chemist and going to a test at my karate school (not my test, just the littlies getting their first belt). Both were fairly low key, but involved talking to people, thinking of things to say (especially when the kids got discouraged). And doing one thing a day, is like clawing my way back out of the well. I still am waiting for the good feelings - you see - I don't trust them. I equate intense, good feelings with manic episodes, and wonder when the axe is going to fall. Maybe I hold myself back from all feelings because of this. Maybe I feel safe with "negative" feelings because that's "depression" and cannot be manic. And it's held true, the last good feelings I had were in 1995 and a few trickles after that for a few years. And 1995 was my "documented manic episode." When I see hubby doing 10 things in a day, I am in awe of him, and I also wish he could scale back because I think it's too much and is running him down. Decision making: I made up a little OCD thing in the 1980's. There is a random number (between 1 and 9) for each day. Today's number is 8. When I cannot make a decision, such as what to wear, I just count 8 from the last thing I wore, and wear it. If I don't LIKE the decision, then I am pleased: OMG, I have an opinion about this! and am free to make another decision. That's why it's not really OCD, because it's just a guideline, not carved in stone. Then I don't spend hours paralysed in front of the closet or fridge or CD collection, I just choose one and go. (this does not work as well for major decisions, just the minor ones which can trip you up) I'm just starting my first taper, but I've been on and off antidepressants for 30 years, and have no way to know what was actual depression, what was situational, and what was my brain screaming for fresh chemicals after the last antidepressant was gone. I hope these items fit this topic, thank you for listening. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebelMaven Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 It is like I am just blank. I had so many wonderful interests and hobbies. Now I am so flat. I'm not interested in anything. I keep trying to get interested in something but I don't know what interests me anymore. I feel like I have to force myself to find something but it is jut not happening. I think about starting up my old interests but most of them I can't do and the others just don't interest me any longer. I am so stuck. Yet I am so bored I could scream. How do you figure out what you are interested in when you are so flat line? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbarannamated Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 RM, This is probably my worst symptom at 2+ years after DCing Pristiq and Vyvanse. The apathy/ emotional anesthesia /anhedonia leads to excruciating boredom for me. Complicating matters, I lost my career (and life structure, coworker friends) several years ago and it's SO difficult to force myself out of the house to do things on my own that bring no pleasure, satisfaction or sense of accomplishment or reward. I have little natural curiosity any longer. Actually, it comes and goes in tiny spurts but there's no "flow". There's another thread that discusses the loss of ability to follow through on ideas or projects, which, I think, is a bit different. Most have said this does come back, but life feels very flat in the meantime. Link to thread referenced: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1203-disconnect-between-interest-and-actionmotivation/ Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebelMaven Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Yep. That's me. Very similar to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkpeony Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 All you can do is calm yourself and find what pleasure you can, however dilute. Slowing down your mind to be in the moment helps a lot. Your ability to enjoy will come back, slowly.If you've got a camera, take pictures of things that strike you as interesting, lovely, or funny, and look at them later. They will remind you it's not all dull and gray, there are glimmers of pleasure here and there. Wow. I really love this idea!! Was on antidepressants since I was a teen. Got off Pristiq in Dec 2013. Completely off of all antidepressants in March 2014. Currently taking: Xyrem 3g 2xs a night Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5353-pinkpeony-dont-let-me-go-it-alone-pristiq-100-50-tomorrow/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needmylifeback Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 When they upped my buspar nov 23 (to 30mg am/15mg pm) I went dead numb. My son came to tell me in person that the drs had found two cancerous lesions on his head and neck.... He just turned 25yr old, has been married almost three years, just had his first baby ~preemie in march, and started law school this past august. He fully expected me to be emotionally fragile as I have been since the dog accident 2008. But I had nothing!! I felt flat. Nothing at all. That was when I was sure this drug was not good for me!! Although I had enjoyed the break from the tears and emotional upheaval!!! But being totally flat is not healthy at all.... So I began reading all I could on buspars side effects. Withdrawing meds: * lexapro 20mg (?) since maybe winter 2009-10. Self weaned this summer stopping in sept 2013 (I just cut in half for a few weeks, then took every other day then a couple x a week then nothing); *Xanax 0.5mg 4xday (dr cut by 50% twice in 16days oct 5-21st. By late Nov, dropped from 1/2 a 0.5mg tab tid to bid...by dec 1st, I was suicidal. Told dr I had to hold!) am still holding at 1/4 a 0.5mg tab bid since early dec; *sept 9 began buspar 7.5mg bid, raised to 15mg bid oct, nov 23 raised it 30mg am holding pm dose at 15mg. By Dec 11th I knew my liver was heading into failure again... Heart rapidly moving towards stroke levels. BP escalating rapidly towards stroke levels... BP moving past 200/130+ and heart rate hitting 200s everyday after buspar dose. Ribs were burning from being pushed so far out by the swollen liver plus itching severe- needed scissors to scratch deep enough but still itching 24/7. Checked for buspar symptoms I had them all plus a few underlying conditions making buspar contraindicated. For me buspar is literally toxic. *buspar taper: ~dec 11th dropped from 30mg am/15mg pm to 15mg am/pm ~dec 17th pm dropped to 12.5mg am/pm ~dec 29th pm dropped to 10mg am/pm ~jan 5th pm dropped to 7.5mg am/pm ~jan 7th pm dropped to 5mg am/pm {dropped in only two days under pressure from alto to drop Now... Bc she then realized I was referring to significant organ failures and was dealing with serious side effects not merely inconvenient ones. My w/d side effects spiked} ~jan 8th I raised the pm dose to 6.25mg leaving the am dose at 5mg; stayed at 5mg am/6.25mg pm for a few days ~jan 12th pm dropped to 5mg am/pm ~jan 18th pm dropped to 5mg am/3.75mg pm; experienced a crushing spike in symptoms including liver irritation and "lightening storm headaches" among others. Currently at this dose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoMeaning25 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 These people are 6-8-10 years off (Druid, Buxy etc) and still have anhedonia, DR/DP, apathy i cant live like this for 10 years :'( oh no this is just too much to handle Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010 Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better. Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012 Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Hello everyone, I'm new here . Just started on the withdrawal wagon a few weeks ago, under dr supervision. I read through all the thread about "anhedonia"/demotivation/apathy. I can identify with much of what was said. I still have to wonder though, how can we be sure it is not a symptom of depression? Depression can manifest in a lot of ways and "atypical depression" often involves fatigue and apathy. It's also entirely possible that atypical depression is a result of chronic antidepressant use. In my own experience, lack of motivation often emerged after starting SSRIs and seeing improvement in the most severe symptoms (lack of appetite, anxiety, crying spells, insomnia, guilt, rumination). After about 6-8 weeks on the SSRRI, these symptoms would improve and be replaced with apathy. I always assumed it was a residual symptom of depression (that is, a symptom that didn't respond to the antidepressant). However, these symptoms would typically not improve on antidepressants. I also noticed these symptoms got worse over the years. With any new episode of depression treated effectively with SSRIs, the residual apathy seemed worse. I eventually got to a point when the apathy was so bad that I couldn't shower or do my school work even when it was late. Deadlines and bad consequences had no effect on me, other than the dread that came after the fact when I realized I would have to face my failures in front of others, with no reasonable explanation. I dreaded facing others, knowing they would think I was lazy or irresponsible. It's then that I started wondering if the SSRIs might be making the apathy worse, because this episode of worse apathy coincided with a time when I took an SSRI at a much higher dose and for a much longer time than I usually did. The nurse just refused to lower the dose or help me quit. Every time I brought up the topic she made it clear she was not supportive of the idea because I risked a relapse into worse depressive symptoms. I didn't know what I was getting in and was too busy (and not assertive enough) to insist, so I let it go. That's how I ended taking 200mg zoloft for about 1 year and 10 months. Anyway, back to the apathy, the only thing that helped me was taking Nuvigil (a stimulant) 3-4 times a week. I know it is not a long term solution, but it's the only thing that helps me function. I don't take it everyday and can often go several days without taking it and still have less apathy. I basically use it to get me going and then the things that I get done help my mood further and further reduce the apathy. So I depend on it to fight the apathy, but I do the work too. I think it's important for us who are going through this to keep an open mind and don't just assume it's only withdrawal and/or assume all we can do is wait to detox or wait for the brain to naturally regain balance. I'm not denying the horrible toll that withdrawal from antidepressants can take! What I'm saying is that there are many other factors at play that affect our brain health and they should not be dismissed. It is empowering to know we're not passive in this process. The brain has an immense potential to adapt (so-called brain plasticity) and anything we learn literally changes the connections between neurons and increases brain mass. We should not underestimate the power we have in shaping our brain through changes in cognition, behaviors, experiences, learning, nutrition, exercise, meditation, relationships, spirituality and so much more. I read with interest the information on fish oil and magnesium on this forum (still reading). Fish oil helped me with motivation long time ago when the apathy was not as bad as it is now. I'm starting a new trial with a higher dose to support my brain in regaining balance. Will comment on that thread another day too. One thing I recommend to anyone having any symptoms of depression (including apathy) is to get checked for possible physical causes once a year: thyroid, sex hormones, anemia, B 12 level, vitamin d level. Each of these things can cause symptoms of clinical depression. At least in my own case, It's hard to tell if the apathy is due to withdrawal. It could be depression, a consequence of chronic antidepressant use, or even something else. I would be very interested in hearing how you found out the apathy was due to withdrawal. Best wishes to all of you. I'm learning from everything you share and hope I can be of help too. 1 SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy33 Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Im glad to hear Im not the only one who cannot make decisions. I am made fun of for it...but to honest, I cant make a decision because I dont really care. I find that I often just dont care about things that everyone else enjoys. What is odd--is that I am sad that I dont care...? WTF? I feel like its a sick joke. Not only do I not really enjoy anything, but I also have to feel sorry for myself for not enjoying it! AHH. On 20mg Prozac for 13 years.10mg daily March 2014.10mg every other day 5/1/14 cold turkey for 7 days 5mg daily since 5/28/14 then tapered every month--I cant even remember what the taper was at this point, but went from 5g june 1 to 0 Oct 1. Any comments that are made by me are not professional advice/clinical or medical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy33 Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Has anyone had significant relief from accupuncture? How long did you have to go? Can anyone recommend something else to cure severe anhedonia? (besides counseling...already doing that). On 20mg Prozac for 13 years.10mg daily March 2014.10mg every other day 5/1/14 cold turkey for 7 days 5mg daily since 5/28/14 then tapered every month--I cant even remember what the taper was at this point, but went from 5g june 1 to 0 Oct 1. Any comments that are made by me are not professional advice/clinical or medical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus Jemima Posted June 16, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 16, 2014 I'm sorry to say that there is nothing we know of to get past anhedonia, and it's often the very last symptom to go away. I've been off of Lexapro for over two and a half years and am not yet back to normal in that respect. I get glimmerings of my old creative urges from time to time and I know that it will all come back eventually, but being patient isn't easy! BTW, I merged your topic about acupuncture and anhedonia with the main discussion on anhedonia so that all comments and questions will be in one place. Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's RazorIntroduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/ Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Fish oil helped me with lack of motivation the first time I took it. It took about 2 months before I noticed the effect. I was taking a lower dose of zoloft and the oil. Now I took it again years later when I was on withdrawal and it did not make a difference. I suppose if the problem is due to ssri use, which it often is, it could get better as you reduce the dose. Several case reports in the research literature suggest that. If the problem is due to withdrawal, it seems from what people share here that it typically takes longer. SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lundeliz Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I haven't read this whole topic, but I'm getting a little worried about my lack of motivation. I can just lie on the bed all day long, and feel no motivation to get up and do something. This is not the real me. I had lots of hobbies and interests before withdrawal. When I do get up, my fatigue is so bad I don't stay up long. It seems like activity stirs up my anxiety. I guess it's too much stimulation for my nervous system. I'm almost 7 months off of Cymbalta. Should I be worried about not doing more, or should I just assume that my nervous system just isn't ready? Will my motivation just come back with time? Is it okay to just lay low and let things heal or should I be doing something differently to get well? I'm thinking about this because some of my family is now thinking I'm just depressed and need to be getting out and doing things. It has me wondering if I'm just depressed, although I wasn't depressed before Cymbalta. Just wondering what others here think. 2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Hi Lundeliz, I have not read your intro post yet, but based on your post here and your signature, the lack of motivation could very well be due to withdrawal. Or it could be something else. When exactly did it start? Was it accompanied with other symptoms like changes in your appetite or sleep? Inappropriate guilt or crying spells? Have you gotten a medical check recently? You need to check your hormones, b level, anemia, because all that can affect mood. Once you discard a medical reason, you can assess if it is depression, a normal reaction to what you have been through, or withdrawal. All the best, SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernFreeze Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 (edited) It doesn't sound as bad as some of the previous story's but think i a'm starting to see this anhedonia and apathy as a symptom that comes with the waves now..... Well i have always been a person who has no enthusiasm when it comes to anything at all really, even when i a'm actually enthusiastic about it. I get hassled about it at work and that's why people basically walk all over me. But i a'm starting to notice periods (like recently) where i just can't be ****. I just can't be bothered doing anything at all, but i have a physical job and i have to work which gets me in the **** because i'm lazy and put no effort in. As bad as it is i think the actual having a job and having to do something helps more than sitting at home doing nothing. This also comes with a "floating anxiety" and very high irritability. Edited September 9, 2014 by Petu graphic language 10 years on various anti-depressants 5 years Effexor xr tappered of 150mg in 6 months nothing for two weeks Reinstated 15 beads for 50 days Tappered off then clean 2-3months gradually went back up to 13 mg 3 years bridged fluoxetine 10mg 2 week tapper 1 year clean reinstated 5ml dispersed fluroxatine for 6months Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 In your case the apathy might be the result of long term ssri use rather than withdrawal Southernfreeze. If you have the energy but not the motivation, you can try some form of behavioral therapy to increase motivation. You basically commit to certain healthy behaviors and practice them repeatedly to increase motivation. Since you also have emotional problems like anxiety/irritability, it might also be that you're stressed or burned out by the job. Has something increased your stress level recently? SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muddles Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I think anheodinia in depression is so different to drug induced/withdrawel. It's one of my worst symptoms and has got to the point of not being able to cry. I've lost every single human emotion possible....like a robot. I have to check my heart sometimes - check I'm still alive. This makes it so hard to interact with people and avoid going out which I know its something we shouldn't do. Let us know if acupuncture helps you. I hate the apathy part too. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I think there is a difference between emotional numbness, anhedonia and apathy, at least based on my own experience and what I've read. They may tend to occurr together and overlap, but they're different. I know this was mentioned before in this thread. Emotional numbness is what you just described: the inability to feel strong positive or negative emotions or to react with emotion to situations that normally trigger an emotional response. Anhedonia is a decreased ability to feel pleasure from doing/experiencing things that were previously pleasurable. Apathy is lack of motivation and/or drive. In more extreme cases, one could say it's a lack of will. One way in which I have learned to distinguish when these symptoms are due to depression vs chronic use of SSRIs/withdrawal, is that in depression cognitive or behavioral changes can lead to some improvement, but ssri-induced symptoms seem a lot more biologically-based. For instance, when you have depression you don't enjoy things the same, but sometimes if you make yourself do something positive, you find that you enjoyed it more than you thought you would. Doing it also increases motivation because you get a sense of reward from doing it. By contrast, ssri-related apathy does not lead to a sense of reward, so doing positive things does not have the same positive effect on our capacity to experience pleasure or our motivation. Similarly, I was able to push myself to do things even when I was severely depressed because of the anxiety of anticipating negative consequences. In SSRI-related apathy there is no anticipation of harm (there is cognitively but not emotionally), so negative consequences don't have the same motivating effect. SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernFreeze Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 wow that last post was really interesting, i'm not sure i can pin point which one i'm going through as of yet...it's kind of a mix I think it might be emotional numbness and depression, i'm not sure. Last week i was feeling too much emotion and sleep was more the problem...wtf Sometimes i think reading this forum and constantly trying to pinpoint what symptoms are what can make it worse, some times maybe it's better just to go with the flow and try not worry about it so much. Anyway to answer your last questions NewBegining, everything's been pretty cruisy at work apart from last friday...but it wasn't even a bad day, it's just like all my effort to keep a mindful out look to protect my self from any bad thinking just went out the window, ending in me being super stressed and strung out over nothing. (i'm dreading how i will react day when something bad or stressful does actually happen) I will have to look at "behavioral therapy", i don't think i have ever heard of it 10 years on various anti-depressants 5 years Effexor xr tappered of 150mg in 6 months nothing for two weeks Reinstated 15 beads for 50 days Tappered off then clean 2-3months gradually went back up to 13 mg 3 years bridged fluoxetine 10mg 2 week tapper 1 year clean reinstated 5ml dispersed fluroxatine for 6months Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 Hi Southernfreeze, Anxiety is a very sneaky emotion. Sometimes avoiding sources of anxiety actually increases it, and it's better to expose ourselves very gradually to the source of our fear. Other times it's better to get distracted or stop the negative thoughts because they tend to amplify the emotion and get us stuck in cycles of unhealthy rumination. If you have never tried cognitive or behavioral therapy, this is a good online resource for cognitive exercises: Both moodgym and ecouch might help: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome This has some behavioral strategies you can try. One of my favourites (and it has worked for me to reduce anxiety) is "worry time", but there are others you can try: https://www.onlinetherapyuser.ca/downloads/wellbeing/Worry.pdf http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 This website has a lot of good cognitive behavioral strategies. A lot of the content is free: http://www.anxieties.com/1/free#.U6qOAijLL2Q I have had reduced anxiety from regularly practicing deep breathing. Check the 3 steps they describe here to learn more about how to use breathing or other systematic relaxation exercises to reduce anxiety. It works very well for a lot of people: http://www.anxieties.com/114/gad#.U6qM2ijLL2Q This is also a good resource: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201212/cognitive-behavioral-skills-youll-need-beat-anxiety Finally, this is a good self help book for cognitive therapy for anxiety and depression: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y If you have never tried cognitive behavioral therapy, it can make a big difference on your anxiety level. Choose a couple of the resources above and give them a try. You might need to try a few things before youy find something that works, and make sure you give it a few weeks before giving up. Some things need regular practice to give results. Hope some of this helps, 1 SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernFreeze Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 yeah i have been through that cognitive stuff thoroughly over years from seeing psychologist. I think i have practised just about every exercise mentioned at some point in my life. I have a folder packed with exercises, but for some reason (even though they really helped me open my eyes) i never got any major progress out of them. Maybe i didn't give things enough practice though.....well i did really, but maybe i need to try again. Maybe ill try some of those exercises again, maybe it will be more efficient when i'm not so drugged up on effexor 10 years on various anti-depressants 5 years Effexor xr tappered of 150mg in 6 months nothing for two weeks Reinstated 15 beads for 50 days Tappered off then clean 2-3months gradually went back up to 13 mg 3 years bridged fluoxetine 10mg 2 week tapper 1 year clean reinstated 5ml dispersed fluroxatine for 6months Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbeginning Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 The cognitive exercises do require practice to work, and they certainly don't work for everyone. Have you tried breathing or relaxation training? SSRIs 3-4 times in the last 14 years; would take them for 6-8 months and then taper off under dr supervision with no problems. Med history prior to 2015: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6012-newbeginning-my-withdrawal-story/?p=267313#entry267313 04/2015: Prozac decreased to 15mg over last 3 months; effexor held steady at 8mg; current effexor XR: 20 beads of a 75mg capsule per day (about 8mg) 06/2015: Prozac: 10mg; effexor XR: 19 beads (about 7.5mg); 07/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor 18 beads; 08/2015: Prozac: 7.5mg; effexor: 17 beads End of August: withdrawal: depressive symptoms, crying spells. Realized I was measuring prozac dose wrong for the last 2 months. Reinstated Prozac 8.5mg; Kept effexor at 17 beads. Stabilized in 5 weeks. 10/2015: Prozac: 8.5mg; effexor: 17 beads; 11/2015: Prozac: 1.9ml (7.5mg); effexor: 16 beads; 12/2015: Prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: 16 beads. Withdrawal: neuroemotions 01/2016: prozac: 1.6ml; effexor xr: reinstated 17 beads, withdrawal improved; 02/2016: Prozac 1.5ml; Effexor: 17 beads; 03/2016: Prozac 1.3ml(5mg); Effexor: 17 beads (7mg)-withdrawal (flu-like malaise, lightheaded, drowsy) started end of March. April 15: reinstated Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized. 2 weeks ok. End of April: Withdrawal (neuroemotions). Eventually stabilized in April-May. Apathy improved. 3 month hold until August. August 2016: apathy came back; October 2016: updosed to Prozac 1.6ml. Bad reaction: anxiety, depression. End of October: went down Prozac 1.5ml. Stabilized over several weeks. Dec 9: tried macca for energy: anxiety/depression. Improved over several weeks, but not completely resolved. Dec 31: cut Effexor 5% to 16 beads. After 9 days: withdrawal anxiety, depression; tried updosing to 17 beads Feb 7 but anxiety got worse; went down to 16 beads May 2017: Anxiety improved; severe depression continues; September 2017: finally stabilized!!!!!! 09/07/2017-12/31/2017: hold Stable on Effexor 6mg and Prozac 6mg until around 2019-2020. Side effects (fatigue, anhedonia) continued, but had some long lasting windows thanks to therapy. Windows lasting 5-6 months each year followed by relapses. 2019: bad reaction to melatonin 3 mg. Withdrawal after taking it 2 months. When I tried to stop it developed severe insomnia that lasted 6 months even after I reinstated melatonin. Only slept again because I took hydroxyzine 5 mg 3 times a week for few months. Stopped hydroxyzine with no issues. Sleep normalized. 2020-2021: Holding on Prozac 6mg, Effexor 6mg, Tapered melatonin 1 drop every 2-4 weeks down to 1.5mg. Had to hold because further cuts were causing severe drowsiness. 2021: Insomnia returned due to caffeine use for few months (only started after months of use). I also had a concussion at this time. 2023: took hydroxyzine 5-100mg for one month (kept increasing dose every 3 days because I developed tolerance). Tapered for 1 week. After 1 month: withdrawal neuroemotions. Reinstated 5mg 2 months after stopping. Gradually increased to 25mg, stabilized, but withdrawal came back after 10 days. Kept increasing dose and withdrawal returning. Currently at 40mg. Not sure how to stabilize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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