☼ Aberdeen's recovery from Effexor and now a Paxil taper

[brassmonkey]

Sorry you were so sick for the camp out.  I hope you were able to enjoy some of it.  The viruses that have been going around lately have been really nasty.  Hope the cough clears up soon.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

[Songbird]

Today is just typical for the low mood symptoms, depressed and hopeless, life sucks and I suck and everyone else sucks kind of thinking. "This isnt wd it's me, and its me forever" You know the thoughts.

 

Oh, yes, I know!!

 

Interesting about being you able to tolerate things now that you couldn't earlier in the taper.  For a while I couldn't tolerate any alcohol, but as my dose has got lower, I've been able to have a small glass of wine.  Lately, I've even tried a half-strength coffee a couple of times after having only decaf for years.  Over time I've had gradually less anxiety and more depression, anhedonia and fatigue. 

 

I'm sorry to hear you got so sick, especially while camping.  Hope you are lots better soon.

[Athena]

Aberdeen!

Very glad you could enjoy nice time with true friends! That's wonderful! Sorry about the virus though. how are you?

[aberdeen]

Thanks Songbird ...wow i can relate to this: "  Over time I've had gradually less anxiety and more depression, anhedonia and fatigue." Me too! Well the anhedonia has been a wd constant since the start but I recall having better windows from it ( i think...?)

but definately more depression than anxiety over time. Neither is fun but depression scares me more bc of where our thoughts can go.

 

 

and Athena! thanks...the virus is almost over now!

 

It caught up with me though and threw me into a wave. I guess being sick, the fever (which made me have terrible DR ) and then the meds and travelling were a lot for my system. Ive been having despair at times, and  morning cortisol again starting around 5am, I hate that because its impossible to get anymore good sleep once that starts, deep breathing calms me enough to drift off but then I sort of jerk awake with an anxious jolt/thought/gasp for air.  It will pass. I stopped using the ventolin at night hoping it would help ease the morning wake up call but no luck yet.

[aberdeen]

Happy to share that the wave has ended, as they always do. By that I mean, no 5am jolting awake, gasping thing, and no heavy despairing feelings (depression?) or heavy brain fog. Just the usual, anhedonia and mild anxious/gross feelings upon waking up that improve as the day gets on. I guess this would be a baseline. Windows for me, are when the anhedonia and morning blah really lift, and the difference when it does is amazing, its a big deal, and reminds me that this is not my imagination! But in between those times, I manage alright.

Another thing, my hair has started to fall out again, which it does once or twice a year. It just gets really dry and thins out a lot, the regrows and becomes nice, and then falls out again. I know its not age related, or it wouldnt regrow. maybe it follows bad waves as a stress reaction. Otherwise, I guess im doing well...I function fine, I've taken a new job which has been stressful (the job is ok but the scheduling with my other job and the newness and changes have been a hurdle) and have travelled a lot this summer, with some more vacation left to prepare for before summer holidays end. It could all be a lot worse, I know because Ive lived it. yet there still seems to be so much room for improvement. Slowly but surely.

[LoveandLight]

Well done aberdeen

[brassmonkey]

Hi Aberdeen-- it's great to hear that things have calmed down/ lightened up to baseline for you.  Hope the new job settles down so things aren't so stressful.  Have fun with the last summer holidays and then get ready to look at those wonderful fall colors.  We just started setting up the Halloween Haunt over the weekend, hard to think about fall stuff when it's 102F, but we are off and running.

 

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[aberdeen]

Thanks guys! I cant believe how fast summer went this year. We kept really busy and it helped pass the long days of bored kids. Brass do you find you have a baseline vs a window vs a wave also?

[brassmonkey]

Yes I do, generally refer to it as "WD Normal" and it keeps creeping to the positive side.  Lately things have been so "life" it has been really hard to tell what is what.  I can't believe that we are starting to put up the Haunt already, feels like we just took it down, didn't get to do much of any of the improvements we had planned just too many other things going on, and now it's that time again.  For the most part the fires are in the hills and plains out side of town so the only real problem for us is the smoke.  I do get worried at times as we back on a large wild hill/greenbelt here in town.  We've done all the prep work, cleared brush, cut back trees and such, but everything is sooo dry this year.  Just so we can make it to the rainy season in a couple of months. Then we will all wash away in the floods because the ground is to dry to absorb any water.  Sigh.

[aberdeen]

I always wondered why the floods, that makes sense. Ugh. Like watering a dry plant and it just pours through. I hope things settle soon. yes, wd normal...for me, its mainly anhedonia. My last and near constant wd 'companion". I'm ready for it to leave. Very slowly, VERY gradually, I believe that it is. Outside of that, Im doing very well. I expect even more healing once I'm off completely. 

[brassmonkey]

The entire area of Southern California is just one big desert.  All the old Western movies and tv shows with their cactus and tumble weeds we use to watch were actually filmed just outside of Los Angeles.  So we have desert soil (i.e. gravely dirt with some clay and sand mixed in) that compacts very hard and doesn't hold water at all.  That dirt is all piled up in several low mountain ranges that ring the city.  So there is loose dirt piled high with limited vegetation to hold it in place.  Then when the fires burn off all the vegetation and we get rain it is the perfect mix to cause flooding.  Also  the mountains tend to cause intense rain when we do get it.  It's really amazing to watch.

[aberdeen]

That sounds scary but kind of amazing too Brass.

Well....I just returned from a week away. It was our first canoe trip into the wilderness in 11 years. We brought the kids and the dog. i didnt think i could do it, Im older, heavier, and much less motivated...but we not only did it, I enjoyed it! After a few days i noticed I felt the benefits of the daily exertion, the way we ate (small protein snacks through out the day) and the fresh air and complete isolation and peace. Truly wonderful. We saw a bear and the northern lights which was also really neat. I felt peace and contentment in small moments that i have not felt in years. Physically I felt great too. Its so simple, healthy eating and daily excercise, yet so hard (for me) to implement into my daily life at home, where things are hectic). I will soon be starting my second job and am wondering if that will be a stressor or a stress relief as I will hand over some of the household tasks to my husband, the jobs themselves are low stress so maybe it will work out ok. I have experienced some post travel anxiety, cortisol mornings and the adrenaline gasping waking thing but what with all I've done in the last 3 weeks...been sick, camped, got a new job, then travelled for a week ...also with kids imminent return to school this week and their extra curriculars (and thus chaos with schedules) not to mention the addition of the second job and still to see how they work together....I'm on edge. But NOT in acute style agony or anxiety or even depression, and that says a lot. I even had a few windows from the anhedonia (once the PMS and cycle ended, which is typical) but was nice to experience that break while in a beautiful place. Now, just to get back into some sort of routine again and hopefully this anxiety wave will pass quickly and not lead into depression as sometimes happens.

[LoveandLight]

I am pleased for you

[brassmonkey]

I'm so jealous, I've wanted to see the northern lights for years, I'm so glad you were able to.  The canoe trip sounds wonderful, I can't wait to start traveling again.  Other than being overloaded it looks like you're doing pretty well ATM.  The overload is probably doing you some good too, great distraction.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[aberdeen]

Thanks guys. Brass the lights were really cool they were green ( i hope to see the other colours one day!)and swirly and mystical, moving upwards from a low wide arc across the northern horizon. At first we were wondering what it was, and then we noticed the  stars were shining through it, so we knew it wasnt clouds, and then it got brighter, it lasted a few hours. You dont want to look away because they constantly move and change. Ive seen it once before, on a similar trip in the same area but that time wasnt as bright. Very surreal! I agree, the distractions have been so good for me, though I was worried I may be overdoing things. To compensate i havent made a drop since mid July.

[aberdeen]

Made the drop. Down to .8mg. Not sure where to go from here....all the way to .5?  .1 mg at a time?  No idea. The worst of the anxiety has passed, and oddly I stopped Mg and Multi vits, which I started around the time the anxiety got worse. It could be that Im not able to tolerate them right now. I'll just focus on better nutrition for now. Schedules are falling bacvk into place and it will be a hectic year but that should be a good distraction for me as I finish this taper! 

[brassmonkey]

Wow, .8mg you're doing great Aberdeen.  Don't rush things the last little bit is the touchiest .  Right now I'm planning .5 or less.

[AmyK]

You are almost there, Aberdeen! I too wonder when to stop. But I still feel my tiny drops, so I guess I just have to carry on. Take care!

[aberdeen]

I dont really notice my drops per se, my symptoms have their own agenda whether I drop or not. I used to feel drops after the first week, into the second week, but lately, I dont see a pattern. I don't even know what that means,lol. Is it good or not? Still....not gonna rush. I made it this far, taking it slow just for the sake of caution is fine by me.

[Petunia]

Made the drop. Down to .8mg. Not sure where to go from here....all the way to .5?  .1 mg at a time?  No idea.

 

 You're doing great aberdeen, this topic may help you decide what dose to stop from:

 

Tapering to zero -- when do you just drop off? - Surviving ...

 

Sticking to cuts of 10% of your current dose is still advised as you get lower. If symptoms start to increase, you can make 5% cuts. As brass mentioned, for some people, not everyone, that last little bit can be the hardest. Ideally, you taper slowly enough that you don't get any symptoms at all because your nervous system doesn't even notice the change. But in reality, just taper at a rate you can manage, be guided by your symptoms, if they increase, slow down.

[aberdeen]

Petunia thanks for stopping by! I appreciate the advice. I definitely plan to keep it slow, I made it this far a few more months won't hurt. It could very well be the difference between a gentle bump at the end or a bad wave. My scale has issues with the small amounts at times but so far doing well. I feel pretty good lately, this is my favorite time of the year and that helps a tonne.

[aberdeen]

A lot of emotional things in my life in the last while...the last month mostly. Good things, but the ability to feel them is amazing. I still dont feel the full range of creativity, motivation, or clarity, short term memory is crap...and cognitively I still dont feel right. Short waves of DR here and there, but the anxiety has improved, so has the depression, and while Im sure there are more waves of it yet to come, for now, Ive enjoyed the break! I think my next drop will be on schedule. I will be going down to .7mg.

 

After reading Brass's salvaged post from PP, I wish I had my initial posts too... because it was such a different story from today. 

 

I  was unable to regulate my body temperature, chills, shaking and tremors, the need to pace my kitchen at 4am to dampen the akathesia, dizziness, suicidal repetitious thoughts (terrifying), this horrible primal fear that would come and go and make no sense whatsoever, a "tripping out" feeling  (in a bad way), heavy confusion, flashes of light in my peripheral vision, brain fog so bad I couldn't get my children ready for school on time -almost ever. I had a school board official come to the home to check on the issue (worst day of my life). And the oddest part of this is, to an onlooker I looked a bit untidy, distracted, and quiet.. but not even close to the calamity I truly was on the inside. I had to try to play normal for the sake of my family and thank God I was able to. I remember getting through my day in chunks...I knew that by 11am the akathesia would go away, and I would drop into a weird adrenaline jolt-filled "nap", then I would press on until 3pm knowing he kids would be home soon and I would be busy, which was good because the 3pm cortisol rush would come and I'd need distraction. Then after supper...slowly the adrenaline would wear off and by evening I would feel relief, and be able to fall asleep, knowing that I would be awake at 4am in that state of physiological terror and mental anxiety...

 

I wonder how we do it.... and yet we do. 

 

So for anyone reading this...it DOES get better, I've almost forgotten how much I needed to hear that back in the first year or two. It gets SO MUCH BETTER. 

[nz11]

After reading Brass's salvaged post from PP, I wish I had my initial posts too... because it was such a different story from today. 

 

 

 

 

On 3/29/12 at 854 am diid it go something like this...

 

Alright, I'm ready. After much suffering and agony after a 3 month taper from Effexor 262.5mg to 0mg, and some drug swapping afterwards, I finally (and reluctantly) ended up on Paxil. I knew it would be temporary, as I wanted to be finished with SSRI's...but knew I would be waiting a long time to recover from the previous chaos. Now that a year has passed since all that happened, I'm ready to do a slow taper from Paxil. I have a pill splitter for now, and get the 10mg tablets. I am able to fairly accurately cut a 1.25mg piece, so even though that's not going to be 10% until i cut it from a 12.5mg dose, it's good enough for now. I made a cut in October from 20mg to 18.75mg and as of last night am now at 17.5mg. I still have the waves and windows experience from Effexor w/d. That is why I am quite happy doing very small cuts at a time from Paxil, and will probably wait 8 weeks between drops if I'm feeling ok. I just don't want to have two withdrawal schedules going on at the same time.

..............................//...........................

 

Sorry i cant remember what you had for breakfast that day ...my memory isnt like it used to be...

[nz11]

Was it grits and toast with a coffee??

Toast with jam ?...rasberry?

[nz11]

Then again i do recall this by aberdeen on 5.14.12...if you want me to tell you what you had for breakfast ...ya can forget it!!

 

....................................aberdeen said:

 

Still doing ok from the drop. It'll be a week soon. I have dizzy side to side head feelings from time to time, and very VERY mild anxious swells (kind of rises up in my belly and subsides) but nothing bad at all. I have the twitches, and the vision thing was back (weak eyes, eye strain and blurriness) but it passed. I made a Dr's appointment for my son and the nurse said "How are you doing? Havne't heard from you in ages?" I said it was because I feel so much better lately. I haven't been there since last September. It will bring back awful memories to see that waiting room again. I still remember the phone number by heart that's how much I called them, I saw them so many times back then, OMG...and the gradual horrible sick realization they couldn't help me and I was on my own. I told her I'm bringing some info for the Dr to read because he's on board with how destructive AD's can be. I can't wait to talk to him about all the things I've learned, I think he'll really listen. The nurse said on the phone they have another patient going through something similar. Maybe I can make a small difference to another person in this nightmare. I can't believe it's been 15 months almost since the last Effexor I took. To think I complained and marvelled that the Dr thought I should taper for 3 months. I thought it was crazy. Now when I see him I'm going to ask him to at least suggest a wayyyyyyyy slower taper for his patients.
It got me thinking about my days before coming here. I never wrote back then, I was in a very dark and terrified place. I couldn't write or sit still very long and most of the things I tried to read just scared me. I couldn't even figure out how to register a log in account here, I was just so messed up.


Here was aberdeen's first post....(to think I had another wave right after,lol, but it wasn't all that bad and it's passed now)
*****************************************************************************
Aberdeens  story:

In 2004 I started 75mg of Effexor for Post partum depression. I have always had a certain degree of GAD, but the depression was new and of course made the anxiety worse. I gradually climbed in dosage over the next few years whenever the anxiety started up again. It was a psychiatrist who continued to raise the dose. By January of 2010, I was up to 187.5mg of Effexor and started noticing extreme fatigue. I was falling asleep at the wheel while driving, nodding off midday while playing with my children, my home was a pigsty and my husband was fed up. I wasn't depressed, just exhausted and had no energy. Eventually, after a sleep study for apnea, it was shown that I was not getting any R.E.M sleep, yet had no symptoms of sleep apnea. My family Dr recommended I come off Effexor. (By now I was no longer seeing the original psychiatrist, I had been told that spring that I was fine and would be left in the hands of my family Dr.) But I didn't listen to him, I didn't want to start coming off my Effexor.

By June of that year (2010), I began having anxiety like I had never experienced in my life. It was all so out of proportion. My friends and family tried to find reasons in my life for this apparent "stress reaction" but I knew it was chemical and that something was very wrong. So I begged my family Dr to raise my Effexor to 225mg thinking it would help. He didn't want to, but I really pushed. He finally agreed. It helped, for a few months, but by December, out of the blue I had what I can only guess was a panic attack-which I had never had before. Again I begged him to raise the dose, this time to 262.5mg and he said he wanted to see me right away to discuss coming off but he would do this to get me through Christmas. He raised it but I only lasted a week and by December 23rd I was in his office. I was having some sort of reaction. I felt detached from reality, I was terrified and confused. I was panic stricken over the smallest of things, I was having strange feverish thoughts. I was scared for my sanity. Here it was two days before Christmas, I had presents to wrap and groceries to get and instead I was at the Dr wondering if I'd experienced a nervous breakdown. We began a quick taper, and the introduction of Celexa. Every two weeks I decreased 37.5mg Effexor and went up 5mg of Celexa. I asked about Ativan but we both felt it was a last resort to introduce yet another class of drugs that I might get dependant on. (I later took a few from a friend. In total three tablets of .5mg lorazepam each, over the next few months). I would have days of less horrible and weeks of hell. Somewhere in there I asked him to switch me to Cipralex from Celexa. I was desperate. Nothing was working. Within 3 months I was off Effexor and on 40mg of Cipralex. It was now March 2011 and I'd just made it through the longest winter of my life.

March was my first window, I began to feel normal and I thought it was over. But by April, a month later, my body realized Effexor was gone for good and I crashed. I had all the classic W/D symptoms, and few I hadn't heard of before, like childhood memory flashbacks would suddenly fill my mind at random times during the day. I would wake up and the feelings from last night's dream wouldn't stop and would repeat through the day. I truly believed my mental state had been damaged permanently and that I would only ever escape this gnawing, grinding fear by dying. I have never been suicidal, but I had days where I obsessed about death. Ways to die, ages that people die, how people die and how soon would I get to die? That was a thought I had never ever had in my life. And the anxiety, like a squeezing vice in my stomach- it was a fear that made no sense, a fear that woke me at 4am every day, a fear that left me unable to eat, a fear that no one could see or understand. It was the first time in my life I had ever been able to imagine what hell might be like. Constant psychological torture. The minutes of each day were like wading though mud underwater, and the hours were agony. I clawed my way towards evening every day because my some miracle, it would lift around 7pm, just enough to breathe again. In total desperation, my Dr and I made a mutual decision to taper off Cipralex to Paxil in the faint hope that, after giving Cipralex 5-6 weeks, maybe Paxil would help (even my Dr agrees now that only time was the real cure I needed). I had a consultation during that time with the original psychiatrist and she disagreed with everything my family Dr was doing, said W/D was not possible and that you can't have an excessive anxiety reaction to an SSRI. I had no idea who to believe, they had conflicting advice. It's scary when you can't trust a Dr, no one knows what is happening to you, and those closest to you don't even realize/understand what you're suffering. You feel alone.

Somehow I crept through the days, often up at 4am pacing on my kitchen floor to try and calm the racing anxiety. I would get this internal crawling feeling underneath my skin and want to burst out of my own body. Sometimes I would get out of bed in the dark and lie on the floor curled up or stretched out trying to make the restless leg/body feeling go away. I would sit and read this forum, drive my kids to school, the lie on the couch too keyed up to nap. Or I'd be dragging myself out to mindlessly shop until they got home. My eyes hurt in the light, I had bright yellow diarrhea and cramps, I was cold, I lost tonnes of hair, I shook some days so bad I couldn't open a tea bag packet without dropping it, I had cold sweats at night, I lost 30 pounds from eating so little. Sometimes I lay awake terrified I had been permanently brain damaged. I obsessively scoured the internet for any scrap of hope or understanding. Some nights I held my Bible against my chest and slept with it. I just wanted to die.

But then I began to have "windows" of feeling better. A few days here, a day there. Later maybe a week or two. It was so strange to have the anxiety lift that I would think over and over about what made it go away, was it because it was sunny? Because I took the right dose of Vitamins or got enough sleep? Was it because I prayed hard enough? But the truth was, it was better simply because it was better. My Dr couldn't explain the process for certain and neither could anyone else. The closest thing I came to understanding was this: the brain deregulates a certain amount of receptors while on SSRI's. They take a while to perk up again once the med is removed. During healing those receptors will one by one "wake up" again and as they do it temporarily unbalances the chemical equilibrium again. Then after a few days or weeks the chemicals re-balance, and a while later more recepetors wake up. I say this because after a bad wave, the "window" of feeling good was better than the last window. Each bad wave seemed to end with an even better window.

By October of 2011, 7 months off Effexor, I was having a really good window for over a week when I realized that I felt normal. Like for real normal. By the end of the month I enjoyed Halloween with my kids. I ENJOYED it! I made their costumes, not because I had to go through the motions of being a good Mom, but because it was FUN and I WANTED to. We laughed! I ate candy! By November the "windows" were coming longer, and fuller. I began to remember ME. I felt alive again for the first time in almost 2 years.

This past December marks the one year since I started coming off Effexor. I have more energy, more motivation, my appetite is back, I can think and write and add and spell....I promise you this, you will be ok again. You'll smell things again, hear things again, taste and touch things again and feel JOY. Curl up on the couch and pet your cat and feel PEACE and have no thoughts in your head except for what flavour of tea should I have tonight? You'll smell wood smoke and remember camping and smile. You won't be a robot Mommy anymore for those of you with kids... but they'll have REAL Mommy back. Mommy who can't wait to go to the Dollar store and get paint for a craft on a rainy Saturday, not even really noticing that it's raining. My hair stopped falling out and seems to be re-growing. You'll watch silly You Tube videos again instead of Googling "withdrawal symptoms from SSRI's". You'll remember your hobbies. You'll see your life stresses as totally manageable again. You will recover 100%. Every strange symptom I had is gone. I even gained back all my weight I lost (which sucks). My Dr assured me that nothing permanent is altered from SSRI's, and I believe it because I feel fine. Think about it-we KNOW alcohol actually KILLS brain cells yet I don't know anyone who is brain damaged from our days of over indulging. The brain is tough and it heals. I went from 225mg of Effexor after 6 years to 0mg in 3 months (and tried 2 other SSRI's in between). I'd love to say I'm on no meds at all, and it is my goal, but 18.75mg of Paxil is almost nothing compared to what I've been on for the past 7 years and I feel fine. I'm ok now. I'm so grateful to be here to help anyone else who needs it. Believe me, I know how much other people's success stories mean. I prayed for the day I could write one of my own for someone else and here I am.
My mind has been restored and I am me again.
*****************************************************************************
aberdeen then said:
Re-reading that is hard. It was awful awful awful. We will surely be stronger for this experience, all of us.

 

..............................................//...................

nz11, edited , reason : to remove any ambiguity!!

This post is aberdeens voice not mine ..however i could say 'snap' ..! and i often did !

[LexAnger]

Hi Nz,

 

What an introduction! You described everything so well! It's like you were telling my own daily like in this hell that I never be able to explain to others.

 

Just a bit clarification for my understanding, it seems when you were posting your first introduction (2012?) you were off the meds and recovered already, then reading your signature, it seems more tapering and struggles after.

 

It must be my tortured head not thinking things clear.

 

Regardless, I enjoyed and appreciate your post a lot!

 

Hope you are well!

Lex

[aberdeen]

NZ!!!! i could just hug you...only I cant reach...you are awesome and thank you so much! I salvaged my whole journal as PP went down (also thanks to you bc you helped me do it quicker as the ship was sinking) ...but then would you believe I got the cryptolocker virus a few months back and lost most of my hard drive in the spring, so I lost my saved version also. THANK YOU!!!

I almost dont want to re-read this....but am so happy you had it. Wow

[aberdeen]

Lex Anger,  NZ was posting my old introduction story from paxilprogress (he had saved it from paxilprogress and re posted it here for me bc i had mentioned wishing i still had a record of it) that may be whats confusing...

 

Still smiling NZ, i cant believe you had this!!!

 

So in a nutshell, i almost cold turkey quit Effexor onto another med, then another, and finally Paxil, all within 7 months. After 7 months....I realized what was happening (meds were making me crazy), found the support I needed online and my Dr (amazingly)...and began a 4 year taper off the Paxil. At the time I had only been on paxil for about 4 months but wasnt going to take chances so i did the 10% per month dose reduction rather than just quit it faster and risk upsetting my system again. Now I am almost done. I still have typical window/wave pattern to my healing, but now my waves are really short lived and spread out, and mild. In between the waves, i struggle mostly with motivation, and creative/emotional blunting, and that too is improving!!!

[Altostrata]

You've come such a long way, aberdeen. Happy for you that it's going well.

[aberdeen]

Thank you Alto!! I'm grateful for this site to finish my journey on...

[nz11]

[LexAnger]

IC. My bad.

Thanks to all!

[aberdeen]

you know, re reading all of that makes me grateful to my Dr...he was the one who initially told me that Effexor was causing my sleep issues, and then when I seemed to go "crazy", it was him who said i was having a "paradoxical reaction" because the symtoms seemed to get worse as my dose increased. What he didnt understand was why coming off the drug didnt alleviate the symptoms, but he admitted that Dr's know next to nothing about how these drugs work. A year or so later he had another patient going through similar troubles while being removed from the drug and he said he recalled my issues and it gave him better insight, and he is cautious to this day when its time to get someone off their meds. So not all of the Dr's are clueless...and if my experience could help someone else, that's important.

[Altostrata]

Sounds like a very good doctor. Can you recommend him here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/988-recommended-doctors-therapists-or-clinics/

[aberdeen]

I will do that Alto. he was a great support for me during my experience. I even told him about my slow taper and he said he has nothing to suggest, if it works, it works, and wrote my prescriptions as needed. Maybe he thought I was a nut, be he certainly never said so, and never tried to push me to come off faster after seeing how that worked the first time. But he did say my experience was "unforgettable" for him and really opened his eyes about these drugs. He's always been conservative about meds,never prescribes antibiotics unless absolutely necessary, usually advises riding things out before using them. Not common in todays world of medicine!

 

I have a head cold, thanks to the kids going back to school and all the germs,lol. I feel pretty cruddy and noticed as soon as i started coming down with it, my mood plummeted, neuro emotions, anxiety kicked in with heavy DR. This seems to happen every time I get sick now. Its like it triggers a wave. I hope it goes away when I feel better.

[aberdeen]

Still climbing out of the funk from being sick. Just down to heavy anhedonia. The anxiety and depression are ok. I'm very tired a lot right now too. Maybe still getting rid of the last of the virus...? I should be due to drop soon, its been about 5 weeks. I figure by next week i'll go for it. I never thought I'd taper below 1mg...i always thought it was overkill, yet now that Im here, I'm ok with it. It seems to make sense, if 5mg can still be a therapeutic dose. That couple of weeks where the anhedonia was improved were amazing, made me realize just how different it feels when I have it. It was thre longest break Ive ever had.