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brassmonkey

Brassmonkey: Talking about myself

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brassmonkey

Aberdeen--  Thank you, and all the others who have expressed concern about the tooth.  As long as I keep up with the pain pills it is treating me pretty well.  I have an appointment on Tuesday to get things rolling.

 

I just looked at my records and realized that this is my last week at this dose.  So on Monday I will start sliding toward 2.1mg.  I hope your next drop goes smoothly.

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steeley

Hi Tom,

 

Just wanted to say that it was good to see your familiar face.  Are you a sillouette?  I am, but can't work out how to "crop" my picture.  I'm looking for a photo of a dead duck, but so far no luck.  Can't work out smilies either, so big smile.

 

You are doing really well with your slide, me not so crash hot, but as Junior has so sagely put it, "feel like crap and carry on".

 

Thanks for the (((((((hugs))))))) I really needed them.

 

as always ....... steeley

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Ever

'Dead duck'!!!!! LOLOLOL

 

Steeley - your sense of humour is coming back - Woot! You must be feeling a little better?

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Junior

Where would we be without Steeley's sense of humour?  BTW the smilies are easy. Just click on the smile on the toolbar above where you type.  THe options will come up down the bottom.  You just click on the one you like. 

 

EG. Mark "Junior" Waugh :wub::ph34r::P:lol:

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Songbird

I'm looking for a photo of a dead duck, but so far no luck.

I thought you were going with a picture of molten steel?

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Ever

Noooooo.... I LOVE the idea of a dead duck. Do it Steeley, do it! LOLOLOL

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Songbird

Noooooo.... I LOVE the idea of a dead duck. Do it Steeley, do it! LOLOLOL

 

Just google it - some funny cartoon ones.

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btdt

btdt-- we have to maintain our sense of humor through this entire mess, Monica and I both got a good chuckle out of it.  I, for one, love finding the absurd/obscure humor in peoples statements.

 

Many years ago, back when I was more bull headed than I am now, I wasn't feeling well and had stomach pains.  Even though the ultrasounds and x-rays showed nothing the doctor said you have gall stones and the gall bladder needs to come out.  Not being a trusting soul and not being shown any evidence, I blew him off.  About six months later the pain had grown to the point I couldn't take it any more and I went to the ER.  Next day they removed three pounds of gangrenous gall bladder.  To help clean up the internal mess they installed a stomach drain.  A week or so later, removing the drain caused a surgical clip to come off of what was left of the bile duct.  This resulted in a massive case of paritinitious  (sp), which required a second surgery to clean up.  It also caused 45 adhesions between the stomach muscles and the guts.  It took 18 months of intense pain for this to get figured out, including a case of pancrititius  (sp). Which is the most painful and disgusting thing I have ever been through.  A third surgery released the adhesions and I was able to start recovering.  It wasn't for another five years that I actually started feeling descent.  Now, 20 some years later, I still have occasional trouble with the area around the scar.  During those seven years I was a very angery and sensitive person which lead to my introduction to a new wonder drug called Paxil.  But that is another story.  I often tell people that ADWD will be the hardest thing they ever do in your life.  For me it was my Seven Years of Pain, which has made my WD experience a relative walk in the park.  

I am sorry for this horrid struggle you had...have.  Oddly enough I had a pancreas problem seems to come go nothing like yours I am sure just pain and sickness... can't do much when it acts up which is occasionally... for some reason never explained to me I also had a ton of adhesions... no idea why I learned of it when I was having physio therapy... the therapist told me.. they were never treated other than physio.  I do wonder what caused them... I am sure I looked but have recall issues sometimes. Mine were on the abdomen and over the right rib area no idea why...they sure hurt.

 

I wish you continued healing and am glad withdrawal was not bad from your perspective.  

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Songbird

This resulted in a massive case of paritinitious  (sp), which required a second surgery to clean up.  It also caused 45 adhesions between the stomach muscles and the guts.  It took 18 months of intense pain for this to get figured out, including a case of pancrititius  (sp). Which is the most painful and disgusting thing I have ever been through. 

Peritonitis (inflammation of the peritoneum - lining of the abdominal cavity - from infection).  Pancreatitis - inflammation of the pancreas.  Yikes, you did go through a lot of stuff, sounds like you were lucky to survive, peritonitis is extremely serious.

 

A few years back I had several gallstone attacks, it was the most painful thing I've ever been through apart from labour, probably about on a par in terms of pain level.  I do wonder if the Paxil had something to do with it, no doubt it affects the liver and probably bile production, etc.

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brassmonkey

My MIL said that a gallstone attack is the closest a man will come to feeling the pain of childbirth.  The "nice thing" was that they only lasted a number of hours, but I'd have a very large family. The Peritonitis followed so close to the gall bladder stuff the pain was pretty seamless. The Pancreatitis put me in the hospital for three weeks with nothing to eat or drink and this wonderful device called a nasal-gastric tube.  A plastic tube stuck up your nose down your throat into your stomach to suck everything out.  Grosses part was the glob of "sill putty" they used to stick it to the end of my nose.  Major doses of pain killers raised the whole experience to intolerable.  At one point I even told Monica not to visit because I didn't want her to see me in the state I was in.  Now a days I have to monitor injuries and the like to make sure I'm not suppressing the pain by second nature and am more seriously hurt than I think.  Not that I hurt myself all that often, but say like the nagging pain in my hands, is it drug related, work related, have I pushed things too far and really need to get them looked at?  Ah, lifes' lessons, never are easy are they.

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brassmonkey

Just posted this on another thread and wanted to keep a record of it here;

 

One thing I learned over the years was how to stop dreams while they are happening.  When a person is in REM sleep, the time that dreams happen, they are usually semi-conscience, because REM sleep isn't very deep.  If, during a dream, you can realize that you this and raise yourself up to barely conscience you can use the key phrase "reboot brain" and then force your mind to go totally blank for a few moments.  If possible actually opening your eyes momentarily will really help. Then ignoring any anxiety the dream produced let yourself drift back down into deep sleep. It is a lot to ask from a sleeping brain but with some practice I found it very effective.

 

Another thing is to not let the dream freak you out.  If a dream causes you to wake up, or if you force yourself to wake up to get out of a dream, then a quick shake of the head, like your shaking water out of your hair along with the typical "bbllurrrbb" vocalization, and then saying out loud "dang that was weird, luckily it was only a dream"  really can help.  Then change the channel, take a couple of deep breaths, relax your shoulders and go back to sleep.  Letting the secondary fear take hold is what you're trying to avoid.

 

These things don't happen overnight, they take a little practice, but just knowing that they are possible can really help.  Hope you have a better night tonight.

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brassmonkey

Back from the dentist.  The root canal went very well.  We will see how it is when the pain injections ware off.

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mustangwoman

Glad it's over.  Hope you have no pain after!!

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Ever

How you feelin now Mr BM?

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dewayne76

Hey BM, sorry to hear you're having tooth ache (or were) ... ironically, I am too! Ever since Christmas day. I have had 2 teeth to crack and break large pieces off, side by side. I can't even tell which tooth is hurting or if it's even only one of the two doing it. EXCRUCIATING PAIN! Worst I've ever felt. . . outside of the one time the wife (now ex) took me to the ER and they gave me a shot in the arm and it literally put me in lala land inside of 5 min's. I dont' remember the entire next day I was so jacked up on w/e it was they shot me with. 

But now? I don't know liquor sizes etc but I'm staring at the bottom of a vodka bottle... down to the last few drops of redcross toothache medicine (clove oil) and powdering up 1500 mg's at a time of Equate Pain Killers.. acetametaphin or w/e it is. In fact, that's why I'm up now, 3:09 am because my jaw started throbbing really hard. I hope to get to the dentist tomorrow (technically today) if I can anyways. 

 

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brassmonkey

Hey Dewayne--  I feel for ya bro... never had much luck with clove oil.  Oragel worked pretty good and sometimes Cipacol sore throat spray, but that is hard to apply.  Hope the dr gives you some good drugs.  Something you might also try is putting a bit of well chewed sugarless gum over it, it is meant to protect the exposed nerve from the air and cut the pain that way.

 

Thanks for the concern Ever and MW.  It is verry sensitive to the touch right now so if I chew wrong I get some pretty bad stabs.  I kept myself pretty drugged up yesterday, which helped to a point.  Over night it seems to have calmed down a lot.  I expected the first few days to be fairly painfull.

 

Can't believe that the year is over all ready.  Time is going just too fast.  We just had the winter solstices a few days ago and already the days are noticeable longer.  We got the last of the Halloween stuff taken down over last weekend, not put away, but at least its down, and have to start putting it back up in just eight months, I can;t take the pressure!!!!!  We are having a wonderfully windy day with a cold snap (45F/7C, well it's cold for Southern California) to blow away the last of the year.  Off to the movies and then a party to celebrate the start of 2015.

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aberdeen

Hope you're feeling better again soon, ouch! Happy New Years anyway!!

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brassmonkey

Was posting to Chrisgut about vivid dreams and thought I would repost it here for my records:

 

I have had a lot of experience with this sort of thing.  I mentioned the years of training and practice to work with psychic energy because I went through them and still am.  Very interesting stuff and nothing like the preconceptions the general public have.  I have always believed that "one should control their mind, so it doesn't control them".  

 

I am still on a very low dose of paxil (I"ve really got to get my signature added) so I am still being effected by that.  My dreams were the most vivid while I was on my full dose.  there were times I really did mistake events in them for events happening IRL, and would have to really think about it to reason it out.  The viloent dreams I could do without, mainly because the violence was usually aimed at me and way too real.  The rest of them I rather miss, especially the "OhYea" variety.  Over the course of my taper they have diminished a lot,  I still get dreams almost every night, but not nearly as all engrossing as they were.

 

I won't be able to declare 100% recovery for several years.  Once I get off the drug next summer sometime I will still have a period of post WD recovery to get through.  ATM I have some really good days and then slid back down a bit for a while.  It is all very frustrating because it still changes hour by hour.  I will say that I am so improved from where I started that it is hard to describe, and the improvements seem to be increasing weekly.  So for now I would rate WDnormal as feeling fairly good, my head being fairly clear and my memory problems more a case of CRS (can't remember s***) instead of WD.

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brassmonkey

I posted this on another thread and wanted to share it here also,  I was an emotional mess trying to write it:

 

We have all been dealt a huge blow by the recent events and the emotions they have raised.  For me they served to reinforce a life time of experience that every few years all my friends and the important things in my life vanish.  At least I have managed to salvage most of the friends this time, and make some new ones in the process.  The rest is history, an important piece of the past that is to be remembered and built upon, but once grieved left in it's place.  To me it was appropriate that it happened at the dark of the year.  The time after the good has been harvested and the old has been laid to rest.  Now as the light returns and new life stirs in the earth I have a new beginning to nurture and grow as I continue rebuild my life.  And  I am so glad to have my SA/PP family (as dysfunctional as they are at times) to walk with as we start the new year.

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) to ALL

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Micromonster

Just here to have a nose, happy new year

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alaskamom

Happy New Year, my friend!  Glad we all found you.  You are our rock!  Paula

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Songbird

Happy New Year, Tom!  Are you going to put up an avatar picture?  The white head is a bit boring...

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Junior

Yes Happy New Year Tom.

 

Hope your tooth settles down now.  Toothache is the pits. 

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DLB

Happy new year Tom!! It's your year to be free of this crap. Mine comes by the end of the month.

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steeley

Happy New Year my dear friends,

 

Have not been around much lately as have not been well following my ridiculous decision to jump off my 4,50mg.  My computer is not good either, and as I work out my pennies will not be able to get a new one until April.  Oh well.

 

Can't believe that 4.5 would make so much difference (dumb and dumber) with new as well as old symptoms arising.  Got this really throbbing right eye and blurry vision, could not read beyond the first line on the eye chart at the GP's and which may or may not have anything to do do with WD but am seeing an opthomologist next week as could be glaucoma?  Anyone else have eye problems? 

 

I am somewhat confused as I was told by my psychiatrist as well as my GP that I had developed Serotonin Syndrome when switched to Lexepro from Mirt.  There was really no reason for him to swap me, and from what I have read and been told they are not contraindicated.  BUT SOMETIMES THEY CAN CAUSE SS.  Great!  All I know is that I thought I was going to die. 

 

I have re-instated to my 4.5mg and phoned the compounding pharmacy who said he can compound the mirt into capsules that will last me 6 weeks, and which I am going to stick with as still don't feel fully stabilised.  Is it OK to stay on a dose for nearly 3 months without it causing problems?

 

I was confused in that I didn't know whether I had an extreme reaction to Lexepro, or whether it was true Serotonin Syndrome.  Looked up problems that can occur with extreme reaction to Lexepro and lo and behold "closed end glaucoma" can be a result.  Perhaps it has nothing to do with WD and is an independent problem that I have with my right eye, but it pounded and hurt like all get up and go and vision in right eye very blurry.

 

I'm not offering anyone much support here, just raving on about self with the main intent to make contact with everyone and hope you are doing well. 

 

Thanks for not blaming me, that would have been the worst.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

steeley

 

Thanks all for reminding me that my sense of humour has returned (hollow laugh), and I think I am going to go with the molten metal rather than the dead duck for my avatar when I get my new computer.  Seems to have a more positive ring to it, and has fond memories of my Dad.

 

Tom, that was awful what you went though, my goodness gangrene is not pretty and very dangerous glad you got out of that alive.

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brassmonkey

I was talking to SelmaLady about my experiences with DR and wanted to keep it here for my records:

 

At the worst of it, it was like my brain and eyes were the only things that had any clarity and everything else was disconnected and distant.  My body felt "fuzzy" and unresponsive and the rest of the world was at a distorted distance.  Moving through it was a lot like swimming or wading.  Actions/movements had consequences but they didn't count.  From there it calmed down to more like being in a bubble, I'm in here and everything else is out there and doesn't directly effect me but I somehow have to watch out for things.  Sorta like being in your car, strapped in and comfortable and all the traffic is "out there" in a giant video game.  This would come and go as it pleased.  It did make things interesting because I work with large power tools and toxic chemicals, so it really emphasized the need for living in the moment.  I had to concentrate on what was happening right then and there, and not let my mind wander even more that normal.  Operating a table saw is an excellent example of mindfulness and being in the moment.  From there it has calmed to where it is hard to distinguish it from WDnormal brain fog.  There are times when I stand up and upon looking down I think "Dang that's a long way down" and other times I get quite closed in, but I think that has more to do with being a large guy in a small persons world, and that is a different subject.

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Ever

That's a really good description of it Tom! Yes.

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brassmonkey

Last day of "freedom".  Like many I have to go back to work tomorrow.  We have a forced shutdown for two weeks over the holidays and it has been very nice having the time off.  Even with the root canal, which BTW is not hurting.  What I am not looking forward to is switching my sleep pattern again.  My normal pattern is 2am to 10am which works quite nicely.  For work I have to do 10pm to 5:30am which just does't do it for me.  Other than that I do love my job and have some interesting things planned, I have managed to make it so I set my own projects most of the time, some are production related but the rest are research of some type which are usually pretty fun.  But before this happens we have to go car shopping this afternoon.

 

There has been some talk about dreams on several threads lately and I think the one I had this morning is a good example.  I don't remember the details as it wasn't all that vivid but it involved trying to communicate with barely seen friends about important things going on in out lives, but we couldn't talk.  We could only type subtitles, which would frequently have to be retyped due to "auto correct" or they would be totally changed or missing.  It was rather frustrating.  Then a neighbor showed up in a new truck and I tried "subtitling" him about it but He wouldn't answer.  Does any of this sound familiar? LOL

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Ever

Omg Tom that made me laugh! I really got into your dream - it was really frustrating - but funny as too. What a dag....

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brassmonkey

So the subtitling thing happened again last night.  Don't remember the dream at all, just that it was subtitled in the same manner.  Yesterday was not a good day, well the middle half.  Was tied in knots with tension and very agitated.  Partly it was a hold over from Saturday.  I am not a fan of crowds and do my best to avoid them when ever possible.  Well Saturday afternoon we went to the local thrift store (Charity shop) to look for some things we need for a Halloween prop we are building.  It was so crowded you could barely move.  It took about 45 minutes to get through and by the end of it I was totally claustrophobic.  I was able to drop it some for the rest of the day but it carried over.  Then add it to  the "Sunday Night Syndrome" that started up the next day and most of the afternoon was a wreck.  "Sunday Night Syndrome" is the feeling of anxiety experienced on Sunday evening, after a great weekend, in anticipation of returning to work on Monday.  Going car shopping did help to calm things down, not the expected reaction, and the rest of the evening was fine.

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Muddles

I Like your term 'Sunday night syndrome' - I got this prior withdrawal...don't get it now though as I'm never quite sure what day we're on half the time! Lol

 

Interesting to read about your DR experiences. I can relate but can never explain it as well as you have.

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brassmonkey

Just to show how susceptible we can be to suggestion.  I had my root canal a week ago and was pretty well pain free by last Saturday.  I went back to work yesterday feeling pretty good. Then wouldn't you know it one of my friends at work had to have a tooth pulled over break and he proceeded to tell me about it in detail because he needed to let off some of the tension to a friendly ear.  He's a big scary looking guy who is deathly afraid of needles.  So not long after he was done my tooth started to hurt.  It cleared up after an hour, but still.  Then again today he still needs to talk and it happened again, no other reason than the suggestion caused by his talking about his pain.  I think placebo effect comes in many forms other than little white pills.  I also think we need to be careful with our commiseration so we don't accidently trigger things in others when we were only trying to be helpful.  I'm just say'en.

 

Started my latest slide yesterday by dropping to 2.3mg on my way down to 2.1mg.

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Frustrated

Just to show how susceptible we can be to suggestion.  I had my root canal a week ago and was pretty well pain free by last Saturday.  I went back to work yesterday feeling pretty good. Then wouldn't you know it one of my friends at work had to have a tooth pulled over break and he proceeded to tell me about it in detail because he needed to let off some of the tension to a friendly ear.  He's a big scary looking guy who is deathly afraid of needles.  So not long after he was done my tooth started to hurt.  It cleared up after an hour, but still.  Then again today he still needs to talk and it happened again, no other reason than the suggestion caused by his talking about his pain.  I think placebo effect comes in many forms other than little white pills.  I also think we need to be careful with our commiseration so we don't accidently trigger things in others when we were only trying to be helpful.  I'm just say'en.

 

Started my latest slide yesterday by dropping to 2.3mg on my way down to 2.1mg.

The mind is a powerful thing lol.

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GiantsWSC

Hi Brass,

 

OMG it is so good to see you here. I was frankh21 on PP and thought I'd never see or hear from anoyone on that site again. You're taper advice has helped me tremendously!!! I'll update my ignature soon enough but its good to see some familiar faces.

 

Take Care!!!!!!

 

Frank

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