Obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD: Repetitive intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors

[RachelE]

Been scratching my scalp compulsively. Exacerbated by very itchy psoriasis. Of course the non-stop scratching causes hair loss and infections. Annoys my family too!

[Susanne]

I take NAC (n-acetyl-cysteine) voor intrusive thoughts (this is my main issue for which I took antidepressants in the past). I've been on it for about 4 weeks and it seems te work. I think I'm going to buy another bottle (maybe the sustained version). I take 1000 mg in the morning on an empty stomach and 500-1000 mg late afternoon.
Still wondering about the inositol though...from all that I've read about inositol and OCD it looks like it works very good for some with OCD and for others with OCD it doesn't work one bit...
Maybe it's better for 'Pure O'?

 

[Cheryl]

Suzanne, Johnson and everyone:

An update on my symptoms and meditation.

Wonderful moderator Shep has got me on the benzo forum. All my more recent increased OCD symptoms and intrusive thoughts were due to my benzo taper.

I am currently working hard on my meditation daily.

I am using Wayne Dyer's "I Am Wishes Fufilled".

 

Suzanne, when those thoughts interfere during meditation, I was taught to just acknowledge them and bring myself back.

I also discovered a way to ground myself during meditation using something of soft texture in my hands.

I am using a soft blanket. I am rubbing the soft texture of it while meditating. I notice when a thought comes through other than my mantra, my fingers have stopped moving. I catch myself and bring myself back to focus.

I hope this helps. ;-)

[johnson]

Hey Cheryl,

 

Sounds like you are making progress! Thanks for updating us.

 

Just curious how you learned to meditate? Was it from watching video's on youtube or did you take some kind of classes?

I've tried to meditate in the past with very little success. I usually give up within the first few minutes.

 

thanks and keep fighting!

[Cheryl]

Hi Johnson!

I have been teaching myself.

Nothing resonated with me until a friend recommend Wayne Dyer. It's on YouTube.

He instructs you in the first part.

I am not great at it but I make it a morning routine practice.

This meditation is unique and positive thinking focused. You create what you want in your life.

Example: One of my mantras is "I Am in perfect health, I Am".

I've noticed through practice that I seem to handle stress better. I still have my days, like today...came home and did self-care.

I am "arming" myself for when I do my benzo taper properly.

[johnson]

I'll check out Wayne on youtube once I build up enough patience for it thanks!

 

Glad to hear it's positive thinking focused. Keep thinking positive and keep fighting!

 

Best of luck to you when you decide to start your benzo taper. Can't remember if I asked you before

but do you have any support systems in place? Such as family, friends, spouse, siblings etc. Do you belong to any support groups?

Regardless I'm sure you'll always get support from people on this website and from myself as well if ever needed!

[Cheryl]

I work in community mental health as a peer support specialist. I have lots of support from my team of case managers as well as close friends.

Family trys to understand as much as possible.

I basically need my space and down time because of how stressful my job is, so they respect that.

Thank you!!

[Terry4949]

Yes I am going through at the moment for the last 3 weeks everyday I feel suicidel just want a end to my suffering , but the the thoughts really frighten me and causes me great distress as I don’t want to die and I am so scared to do it , but my mind keeps telling me it’s the only relief I will find , did it go away for you ,

[Tootsieroll]

Any stories that anyone wants to share?  I'm 4 years out and still experience a lot of neurosis when it comes to certain parts of my life.  It's exhausting.  I dwell on cleanliness and perfectionism and experience repetitive actions that only cease once the anxiety ceases.  When the anxiety takes hold, a great pressure descends on my brain.  I care too much about how I look/smell when I am out and this is not like my original self.  I use to be so carefree.  How do you manage yours?

[Noloft]

Topic title:  Methods of dealing with anxiety both withdrawal and non withdrawal related

 

Hello all,

 

Even though I am in withdrawal I have realized that a lot of the mental aspects of my current state may not be due to the actual condition itself but may be part of my underlying OCD, depression and post traumatic stress. I have a variety of mental symptoms that I have developed throughout all of this that are mainly due to the nature of the condition, but are part of my underlying anxiety disorders. For one, I am struggling with “symptom checking” and am MUCH too aware of my body. My focus has turned toward every ache and pain, every nerve issue, every mood swing or episode of fatigue. I wake up and the first thing my mind does is notice I’m tired, fatigued and don’t feel well, etc. then I stand up and notice my feet hurt and I feel like an 80 year old at the age of 27. Or that my vision feels off and I don’t feel “right” in my own body. Or my knees hurt etc. Paying too much attention to every sensitivity etc. being way too much “in my head.” Not being able to let go of things or live somewhat geacefully. Though this hyper awareness is somewhat helpful in the sense that it has helped me realize I need to create certain limits for myself right now, it has been incredibly detrimental to recovery, since these are all thinking behaviors that add to stress levels which is not coherent with the recovery process. For one thing, it is probably adding to my underlying fatigue as all of this hyoerareweness and extra thinking is draining in itself. Without achieving some kind of mental flow I don’t see my body and mind getting into a better place. I have been in intensive CBT throughout all of this, but I haven’t found much benefit from it. I have always had OCD and other issues and struggled with those my whole life and at some times they have been under control but right now it is out of control and needs to improve somehow. I would like to become less hyper aware and more present but my levels of dissociation are pretty severe and it’s hard not to notice these things. I am wondering if anyone else has struggled with this and what has helped them. So far for me, the only thing that has helped somewhat  has been distraction, such as trying to stay occupied at work when I can make it in, trying to sing along to music in the car, focusing on my breath, or socializing, to an extent. My mental focus is not currently “grounded” so to speak in the sense that my mind is so preoccupied with my body and what is going on, that I find it nearly impossible to stay focused on one thing or on the external world in reality. If anyone has found any benefit from anything for issues similar this to these I would love to hear what helped you. It doesn’t have to even be about these particular obsessive issues—any kind of benefit for any type of obsessive/compulsive behavior during withdrawal and maybe even after. 

 

Thanks,

 

Noloft 

 

Edited March 19, 2019 by ChessieCat
added topic title

[Dejavu]

@Noloft, I can certainly relate to every word. You have just described me to a tee. I am currently 4.5 months in on a zoloft RI and I'm very symptomatic. Because I've had only minor improvements so far I am obsessed and fearful of every symptom; every sensation; every emotion. I have just started therapy, and I am hopeful that it will help. We have started with traditional talk therapy, as I have PTSD and need to "unpack" some issues, but we will be moving into CBT in a few weeks' time. Have you considered therapy?

[prairierose]

yes. zoloft and lexapro

[thecowisback]

can anyone recommend any short meditation videos? all the ones i search for are overly long and i don't get a whole lot of time to myself without being interrupted. 

i really need to get a handle on my ocd thoughts as it's gotten so far out of control since i stopped my meds. 

[Hopefulstill]

Hi thecowisback, I dont know if this will help you but I have been overthinking myself to death too.  What calms me is I put on a fireplace dvd on the tv and just sit there gazing at it.  After awhile watching the burning logs and flickering flames, it starts to calm m.  I just let my thoughts come and go as they like.  Sometimes I get real insight into things I might be struggling with.

[thecowisback]

thanks i'll try that ☺

[BfromNJ]

On ‎3‎/‎18‎/‎2019 at 10:46 PM, Noloft said:

Topic title:  Methods of dealing with anxiety both withdrawal and non withdrawal related

 

Hello all,

 

Even though I am in withdrawal I have realized that a lot of the mental aspects of my current state may not be due to the actual condition itself but may be part of my underlying OCD, depression and post traumatic stress. I have a variety of mental symptoms that I have developed throughout all of this that are mainly due to the nature of the condition, but are part of my underlying anxiety disorders. For one, I am struggling with “symptom checking” and am MUCH too aware of my body. My focus has turned toward every ache and pain, every nerve issue, every mood swing or episode of fatigue. I wake up and the first thing my mind does is notice I’m tired, fatigued and don’t feel well, etc. then I stand up and notice my feet hurt and I feel like an 80 year old at the age of 27. Or that my vision feels off and I don’t feel “right” in my own body. Or my knees hurt etc. Paying too much attention to every sensitivity etc. being way too much “in my head.” Not being able to let go of things or live somewhat geacefully. Though this hyper awareness is somewhat helpful in the sense that it has helped me realize I need to create certain limits for myself right now, it has been incredibly detrimental to recovery, since these are all thinking behaviors that add to stress levels which is not coherent with the recovery process. For one thing, it is probably adding to my underlying fatigue as all of this hyoerareweness and extra thinking is draining in itself. Without achieving some kind of mental flow I don’t see my body and mind getting into a better place. I have been in intensive CBT throughout all of this, but I haven’t found much benefit from it. I have always had OCD and other issues and struggled with those my whole life and at some times they have been under control but right now it is out of control and needs to improve somehow. I would like to become less hyper aware and more present but my levels of dissociation are pretty severe and it’s hard not to notice these things. I am wondering if anyone else has struggled with this and what has helped them. So far for me, the only thing that has helped somewhat  has been distraction, such as trying to stay occupied at work when I can make it in, trying to sing along to music in the car, focusing on my breath, or socializing, to an extent. My mental focus is not currently “grounded” so to speak in the sense that my mind is so preoccupied with my body and what is going on, that I find it nearly impossible to stay focused on one thing or on the external world in reality. If anyone has found any benefit from anything for issues similar this to these I would love to hear what helped you. It doesn’t have to even be about these particular obsessive issues—any kind of benefit for any type of obsessive/compulsive behavior during withdrawal and maybe even after. 

 

Thanks,

 

Noloft 

 

So like me too.   I think you are my long lost twin, however I am much older.   I can relate to all you are saying. its so tiring.

[Madman270]

11 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

I have have the same exact obsessions to a t. I wish I had some good advise but I haven’t found any relief accept for alchohol, which is only temporary. I too need to keep buisy to try to occupy my mind.

11 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

 

 

11 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

 

11 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

 

 

[Peachy]

On 2/24/2013 at 9:19 AM, dunerbug said:

?) The ocd has become relentless. It really likes to focus on the things I love most. I

Are you still around? Has this gotten less intense for you? I am in the same boat now. Never really had to deal with the imics bc I used the drugs, but now it’s non stop and relentless. I’m just praying it mellows out to a manageable level...

[thecowisback]

my ocd was bad before i took the meds. that's the reason i started prozac, but since i stopped it's unbearable and non of the coping mechanisms i've used in the past seem to make a dent in it. 

[Peachy]

I started getting OCD when I was going on and off anti-depressants in college. I still do not know if this started organically for me, or it was a WD reaction. I never had it like that before. I experience harm intrusive thoughts. Every time I would go back on, the thoughts would go away all together, although I would need a higher dose to get back to base-line. Thats how I ended up at 20mg lexapro. 

 

NOW, since tapering to 4.5mg,  it is non stop. I also have new "themes" now and it makes it impossible to socialize. Not to mention all of the other WD effects I am experiencing. 

 

Has anyone with organic OCD gotten MUCH worse during the taper/WD, and has this lessened for you the longer you heal? 

My goal was to manage my OCD on my own, and to get off these drugs. I also wanted to have a baby. I would rather be on medication than feel like this. 

 

I just need to know if this will/might get back to a manageable level, or should I just attempt going back up to my original dose? I know there is always danger in that too, but I have done that in the past and it did work for me then. 

 

[Madman270]

From My personal experience I would guess your ocd will not subside. I have been off an AD for about 2 years and my ocd is stronger than ever, maybe more than before the AD. It’s been there the whole time but I didn’t pay as much attention to it. Thank god the anxiety and depression has decreased to a manageable level after my brain adjusted to not having the drug a anymore. I still have hi anxiety that the ocd causes but it is way more  Manageable. Only time would tell if the ocd you are having will subside. In your case it might, especially if you never had it before. For me I always had ocd but It has been 100 percent worse since the AD stopped working and put me in tolerance WD. Don’t get discouraged. If medication would take my ocd away I would gladly be on it so I could enjoy my life to the fullest.

[Peachy]

3 minutes ago, Madman270 said:

For me I always had ocd but It has been 100 percent worse since the AD stopped working and put me in tolerance WD.

So it is worse than before you started the pill? Two years out? Do you see it decreasing at all?

 How long were you on the pills, and what dose? 

[Madman270]

It wasn’t until after the drug that It started getting out of hand. I originally went on the drug for dep/anxiety. I always had mostly pure-o and some intrusive thoughts but everything became overwhelming and non stop at the end. After 2 years off the med the obsessions are still bad but they go away quicker and are more intermittent. I was on Paxil 10mg for about 13 years and also drank a lot. 

[Kittygiggles]

Those who had OCD before taking an SSRI may find my story (and recommended book) useful.

 

Disclaimer: I do not know if an OCD-like state can be caused by iatrogenesis, and if it can, whether that state can mimic true OCD. In light of that, I still recommend trying CBT because I don't think it can cause any harm. I am not a doctor though but as far as I know, there are no nasty side effects associated with CBT!

 

I conquered my OCD, which I had before fluoxetine, using CBT. I am currently on only ~0.5mg fluoxetine. I have been off fluoxetine before, after a bad taper and my OCD was not affected by withdrawing the drug. This didn't surprise me because fluoxetine did not help me with OCD. Often, it made things worse through its myriad side effects and mood destabilization. Beyond its inefficacy, it kept me asleep for ~12 hours a day and drowsy for the rest, which made fighting OCD that much harder.

 

I consider myself cured of OCD, something that is often claimed to be impossible. I concede that this claim is moot so I shall put it in other words, that may make it seem more reasonable: OCD hasn't bothered me for 3 years and it still doesn't, at all. I did it by using this book:-

 

Break Free from OCD: Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with CBT Paperback – October 17, 2011; by Dr. Fiona Challacombe, Dr. Victoria Bream Oldfield, Professor Paul Salkovskis

 

If you've not given it a go, I recommend it. I think I bought all the books I could find on OCD at the time and this was the only one that really helped me profoundly with cognition and behavior. I decided to do my own CBT with this book because there was no therapist nearby that was trained in CBT. 

 

As I read through the book, several times, and really put in the work with the CBT exercises, I started to benefit from them and it was then that I realized slowly that fluoxetine was doing nothing for me. Consequently, I decided to withdraw it slowly but still too fast for safety. Fluoxetine or any psychiatric medication was never going to be a long term option for me anyway. Furthermore, there was and as far as I know still is little evidence that SSRIs minimize symptoms of OCD and I think there's still no evidence that it treats it, let alone cures it; CBT is still the gold standard.

 

For those wondering about my OCD: I had it in my late teens and all my adult life. It became worse as time went on and consumed me almost completely in the end. OCD can present with co-morbid depression, which is sometimes secondary and combined they can lead to severe or ultimate self-destruction. Sadly, I saw a PCP before a psychologist and made the worst decision of my life: I took paroxetine then fluoxetine, because at the time, I didn't know what I had. Later I saw a psychologist and was diagnosed with OCD. I was taught some basic and useful panic and anxiety coping mechanisms, before turning to the book above. 

 

I've said this a few times on SA: OCD is horrific and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but SSRI withdrawal, for me, was far worse than it and remains so to this day. If you have OCD, you have my sympathy and I urge you to keep challenging it, because with enough time and effort, there's a good chance it will back down - forever. 

[Peachy]

@Kittygiggles thanks for the message of hope. My OCD did entirely go away with ssri’s and it comes back 100xs worse in WD. That is my worst symptom. Besides the new crazy PMS times amd anger/rage. 

There are so many styles, types, and spectrums of OCD. Can I ask what you suffered with? Mine are intrusive thoughts and urges. Urges being the worst. They are non stop in WD. They aren’t like the normal kind you get, where techniques help.  

Thanks! 

[Peachy]

@madman 

how long did you taper? They are getting better though? Mine are non stop now towards the end of my taper. 

[Kittygiggles]

2 hours ago, Peachy said:

@Kittygiggles thanks for the message of hope. My OCD did entirely go away with ssri’s and it comes back 100xs worse in WD. That is my worst symptom. Besides the new crazy PMS times amd anger/rage. 

There are so many styles, types, and spectrums of OCD. Can I ask what you suffered with? Mine are intrusive thoughts and urges. Urges being the worst. They are non stop in WD. They aren’t like the normal kind you get, where techniques help.  

Thanks! 

 

Hi Peachy, thank you for reading what I wrote. I am glad that you found complete relief while you were on an SSRI. By techniques, I guess you are referring to CBT, which means you probably tried some and found it less than helpful.

 

Edit: sorry, I just read your signature, your symptoms are horrible, I'm sorry you're going through that. So, I wrote what I did below without realizing how hard it might be for you to focus on CBT. In which case, I apologize. I'll leave it up though in case someone else finds it useful but I realize now that I might have come off as patronizing, which was not my intention at all!

 

Well, if you didn't know already, part of the CBT for OCD is acknowledging that your compulsions and obsessions may vary but the underlying disorder is the same for each of them. I think it is a hallmark of an OCD sufferer to demarcate their version from everyone else's. I used to do this too but it is simply a manifestation of the disorder and inhibits recovery. Some cognitive correction may be required if your obsessions are patently unfounded but for the most part, you just follow the CBT recipe for whatever ails you at the moment. As you may have noticed, your current, most frightening obsession usually changes, and moves on to the next one in a cycle. Just when you feel you've gotten over one, another one comes along and with enough time, you revisit that first one and it may appear even more frightening than ever before!

 

If you've never done CBT for your OCD then identifying your obsessions and compulsions is a good start. I too had 'intrusive' thoughts but labeling them as such is part of the puzzle. In OCD, like in normal people, all thoughts are for the most part normal. OCD sufferers label thoughts as 'intrusive' often because they are egodystonic and their emotional response to them is strong. This strong feeling is interpreted as a sign of the thought's validity and fuels an urgent need to perform a compulsion, for example, to neutralize the thought, or prevent something bad from happening.

 

I'm sorry if my description of things is hazy but it's been so long since I dealt with all this. About a year or two ago it was all still fresh but I guess it's good news that in the last year at least, I have forgotten all about my OCD, which is not something I'd ever thought I'd say! I'm not trained to provide CBT or diagnose OCD but if you want to message me about any hurdles you face when dealing with CBT or OCD, I'd be willing to help point you in the right direction. The best advice I can give though is the book above because no matter your flavor of OCD, it should respond to CBT. 

 

I used to use a really helpful OCD forum but from my last experience, the staff there are still very much pro-SSRIs, and will push people towards them, which is a shame as they have some good advice for interpreting the CBT for OCD. They at least acknowledge that SSRIs don't treat OCD but may mask or suppress symptoms in some. Here's the link, if I'm allowed to post it: https://www.ocdforums.org/. I used to just go there and not participate, just to read countless stories of people's OCD, their failures and success stories, and recognize my own flavor of OCD was similar to pretty much everyone else's in one way or another. Learning from their mistakes and applying the good advice to my own situation was helpful, as I worked through the OCD book above. 

 

The thing with an OCD forum is that it might be best as a temporary measure for the first year or so as you get to grips with CBT. Most people who hang around there have done so for years and are still suffering from the disorder. I'm not sure if visiting the forum is inhibiting their recovery. Perhaps they have developed some coping mechanism that involves the forum, or maybe the forum perpetuates a false belief that their obsessions need external validation as false, which could undermine their autonomous efforts to recover using CBT techniques. I liken it to seeing a therapist even though your CBT course is over, at some point, it can become detrimental to one's recovery to keep hanging out with your therapist! I could be wrong though but I thought I'd share my opinion about it.

 

I visited briefly before responding to you and saw some names I still recognize there from over 7 years ago, and they are classified as sufferers still. CBT doesn't work for everyone though but there could be many reasons for that. It isn't perfect but I guess a forum will attract those for which CBT didn't work, so you get a disproportionate representation of the efficacy of CBT for OCD. 

[jen84]

Right now, ROCD is my biggest uphill battle with the wd symptoms, but I believe it's getting better, the more I try to sit with the thoughts. I am trying to combat this on my own, and I think I'm doing ok all things considered.

 

I suffer from ROCD, which is newish for me. However, for as long as I can remember I've counted by twos in my head and with my fingers. Listening to music I will count by 2's with my fingers to the beat, heck there doesnt even have to be music and I'll be counting away. Ive never put much thought into it, but i guess maybe I've always suffered from some sort of OCD. Now that I suffer from wd related anxiety, it seems to be bringing forward a different type of OCD. Is this normal for it to morph? 

 

I've just downloaded the NOCD app, and I'm 'excited' to dig in and tackle this. Right now, a therapist is not an option for me so I'm curious what other people are doing to get through their obsessive thoughts?

[Madman270]

Peachy, In short I quit 3 cold turkey, then was put on 3 other meds. Prozac was the last Ssri I’ve been on. I tapered It on my own at about 2 mg every 2 weeks, I think it was around 5 months. I wasn’t having WD from that tho It was the Paxil. I feel better these days but I do take Lamictal and Gabapentin, neither anti depressants.  it wasn’t until I started Gabapentin  for The prior Paxil WD that I started feeling a lot better. I still have all my ocd symptoms, but things are much better. I have slowly been tapering off the gaba, it’s been about a month now. I want to get completely off everything if I can. I will however always

[Daisygirlsk]

I am really having a rough day. I am 14 months into withdrawal and my physical symptoms have improved dramatically. But my thoughts are so repetitive and I cannot control them and they are making me extremely depressed. I have had intrusive and obsessive thoughts for 10 months straight now and I hardly get any relief ever. They were images for about nine months and now it is just the same word that repeats in my head all day long and I cannot stop it. It is a distressing word to me and this all is driving me crazy. I don't have any physical anxiety associated with obsessive thoughts it's like I just live in my head all day. Please tell me this gets better.

[thecowisback]

i'm still struggling with terrible ocd. i'm back on a low dose of prozac - 8mg to date, but my ocd is still as bad as ever. i know i need to get a handle in it without the meds and have read every book i can lay my hands on but nothing has helped. i wish i had some helpful advice. i guess kittygiggles has the best advice above. i hope you find some peace soon x. 

[Daisygirlsk]

Thank you for your reply. The weird thing is it doesn't even feel like OCD. I have had OCD since I was 6 years old and I didn't go on meds until I was 29 and I didn't go on them for OCD I went on for a situational depression. All my life when I've had OCD I've done compulsions. I don't feel like I do any compulsions now I just have extremely repetitive thoughts. And even though they're harm thoughts in nature I don't actually feel like I'm worried that I'll act on them. When I had OCD at a younger age my obsessive thoughts were accompanied by terrible fear. Fear that I would act on my thoughts. But I don't have any of that now. I don't feel physically afraid I don't ask myself what if. I just have repetitive thoughts that drive me crazy. Did you find any relief at all when you reinstated?

[mstimc]

2 hours ago, Daisygirlsk said:

Thank you for your reply. The weird thing is it doesn't even feel like OCD. I have had OCD since I was 6 years old and I didn't go on meds until I was 29 and I didn't go on them for OCD I went on for a situational depression. All my life when I've had OCD I've done compulsions. I don't feel like I do any compulsions now I just have extremely repetitive thoughts. And even though they're harm thoughts in nature I don't actually feel like I'm worried that I'll act on them. When I had OCD at a younger age my obsessive thoughts were accompanied by terrible fear. Fear that I would act on my thoughts. But I don't have any of that now. I don't feel physically afraid I don't ask myself what if. I just have repetitive thoughts that drive me crazy. Did you find any relief at all when you reinstated?

Hi Daisy

 

It sounds like you may have the key to managing your OCD in your own statement.  If you'e not afraid of the thoughts then you've robbed them of their power.  One thing I've been working on is accepting that the thoughts will come, but not attaching any value to them beyond that.  I try to picture the thoughts as items on a conveyor belt.  They show up for a moment in time and then pass by and out of my mind.  They may keep coming back but when you realize they only have the power you give them, they will become nothing more than an annoyance. 

[thecowisback]

i haven't had any relief from ocd since reinstating but the depression i got during withdrawal is much improved. 

i know i attach too much importance to my thoughts. the one i have today tells me i did something wrong in the past and i must be punished for it, even though my family say i did nothing wrong. it's almost as if the constant feelings of fear are my punishment. 

hopefully your will fade soon daisygirl if you aren't fearing them they sound almost like a constant earworm 😞

[mstimc]

33 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

i haven't had any relief from ocd since reinstating but the depression i got during withdrawal is much improved. 

i know i attach too much importance to my thoughts. the one i have today tells me i did something wrong in the past and i must be punished for it, even though my family say i did nothing wrong. it's almost as if the constant feelings of fear are my punishment. 

hopefully your will fade soon daisygirl if you aren't fearing them they sound almost like a constant earworm 😞

This is/was my primary manifestation of OCD--the feeling that any mistake I made was terrible and deserved punishment.  The therapist I worked with had a Christian aspect to his practice and was able to help me realize God isn't a cosmic accountant who tallies points for good deed and deducts for sins.  Even when He corrects us, He doesn't torment us for the rest of our lives. Another name for Satan is "The Accuser", so if you're of a spiritual bent, you know who keeps putting that bug in our ears. 

[Eastcoastgirl]

It is important to remember, at least in my case, that a lot of these symptoms are withdrawal and not the real me. Repetitive thoughts and OCD are very very common withdrawal symptoms and they often manifest differently than anything you ever experienced in the past because it's not you, it's your brain rewiring and trying to do it's thing. OCD has been relentless for me too but telling myself this isn't really me and not attaching any meaning to my thoughts has been somewhat helpful. I have these thoughts almost 24/7 but I try my hardest not to give them any attention or power and think of it more as just useless chatter, like radio static !