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Lilu: Depression worsened by meds


Lilu

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Lilu,

I'm glad that some things are helping you and some things are settling down for you.

Please continue to take care of yourself.

 

~ Zang

Circa 1995 put on Paxil; Tried various meds over the years in an effort to get away from Paxil's side effects

06/29/13 Switched from 30mg Paxil to 10mg Lexapro

10/24/13 7.5mg Lexapro

12/01/13 6.25mg Lexapro

01/01/14 5mg Lexapro

03/01/14 3.75mg Lexapro

04/01/14 2.5mg Lexapro

05/01/14 1.25mg Lexapro

05/28/14 Med-Free

02/27/15 300mg Neurontin twice daily, .25mg to .50mg Xanax as needed

May 2015: 600mg Neurontin twice daily, .25mg to .50mg Xanax as needed

08/05/15: 600mg Neurontin twice daily, 30mg Paxil daily, .25mg to .50mg Xanax as needed

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Thankyou for sharing your journey, it reads like a cautionary tail of cold turkey.

 

Have you ever tried DBT? With your descriptions of whats going on, DBT could be effective.

 

All the best.

 

I cant comment on the med use as lexapro made me suicidal, effexor made me manic and your dosage of benzos/sleepers is much lower than mine was.

 

Hi Buffy,

I did not quit Lexapro cold turkey. I used liquid Lexapro and tapered for a year, from just 5 mg.

 

And yes, I have tried DBT. I went to a DBT group for 2 years. I'm am not a fan. I did not find it helpful at all. In contrast, CBT is much more straightforward and effective.  But I know some people love it.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Lilu,

I'm glad that some things are helping you and some things are settling down for you.

Please continue to take care of yourself.

 

~ Zang

 

Thanks for reaching out Zang. Ah yes..."taking care of myself"... this is still a bit of a foreign concept to me. 

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Hi Lilu,

 

I am so happy you are doing well.

 

To be honest, I have had similar type thoughts about whether coming off of psych meds was the right thing for me because of my sleep issues that have destroyed my life.   But I find I am now so bleeping sensitive to meds that I greatly fear taking anything.   And I previously had a very bad reaction to 5mg of Celexa so I would be very leery of trying Lexapro.

 

It is really about having a total quality of life and if taking a med does that for you, I am greatly happy for you, particularly since you tried everything under the sun.

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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Hi Lilu,

 

I am so happy you are doing well.

 

To be honest, I have had similar type thoughts about whether coming off of psych meds was the right thing for me because of my sleep issues that have destroyed my life.   But I find I am now so bleeping sensitive to meds that I greatly fear taking anything.   And I previously had a very bad reaction to 5mg of Celexa so I would be very leery of trying Lexapro.

 

It is really about having a total quality of life and if taking a med does that for you, I am greatly happy for you, particularly since you tried everything under the sun.

Hi Compsports, you know, interestingly enough, Paxil and Celexa was one of the first meds I ever tried - both for 2 weeks or less, and both made me extremely restless. So restless that I could barely keep my foot from tapping while I was driving!  As I understand it, Lexapro is a metabolite of Celexa? So perhaps it was something about Celexa, like certain metabolites, that are no longer there in Lexapro that does not cause the same bad reaction.  This was true for Effexor and Pristiq as well for me. Pristiq is a metabolite of Effexor, and doesn't have the same nasty side effects as Effexor.

 

About sensitivity to medications after withdrawal, now that my nervous system has largely stabilized, the sensitivity to substances has stabilized as well. The fact that I can drink strong coffee, which is a stimulant, without my heart racing is clear proof.  I had tachycardia (heart racing) for about a year during withdrawal. That has completely gone away. My brain and body was on such high alert all the time that even eating would make my heart race afterwards. Now I'm tapering Baclofen without any side effects at all. Whereas, while my mind and body were still in anxiety mode, any attempt to taper would result in sleepless nights and severe anxiety.

 

My confidence about my ability to sleep has been restored, and I no longer freak out if I wake up and can't fall back asleep, because eventually I do. 

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Hi Lilu,

 

Unfortunately, I had a strange reaction after having conscious sedation to extract two teeth.   The hand on the same side as where the IV went in kept shriveling up like a prune for about three weeks before it finally disappeared.   I also ended up in the ER last year due to a paradoxical affect to blood pressure medicine.   So unfortunately, I don't think my med sensitivities are gone.

 

But I am happy you have found the answer to improve your life.

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Administrator

Lilu, generally it's unethical to post someone's private pms in a public place without the express permission of the author.

 

Your Intro topic is not an appropriate place to carry on a discussion about Christian.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Lilu, generally it's unethical to post someone's private pms in a public place without the express permission of the author.

 

Your Intro topic is not an appropriate place to carry on a discussion about Christian.

I didn't know this. Sorry. Why couldn't you keep just my response on my thread?  Anything I share about my experience might be helpful to other people and I want to keep it public.  Can I transfer just my comments from pms to here, without posting Christian's message?

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • 10 months later...

After my last withdrawal attempt that was the most horrible experience of my life, I have given up hope of ever being able to get off of antidepressants.  I will never subject myself to the hellish torture that I went through for 2 years and that I still haven't recovered from.  

 

But having been on just about every drug out there, and seeing that the dose I was on pooped out after a year and a half, it's quite likely that sooner or later, Lexapro wont' work anymore for me. And I will have to face the fact that I have no choice but to give up on ADs.

 

They say that one shouldn't attempt to discontinue antidepressants and attempt to taper if you're not in a good place in your life.  I haven't been in a good place in my life for over 10 years. Antidepressants, for me, were always only mildly effective, and eventually would stop working.  How am I supposed to start another withdrawal process, if I'm depressed and I have little in my life (no career, no job, no partner, no real friends...)?

 

For now, I'm actually going to start a higher dose of Lexapro, because I can barely function due to my chronic drowsiness, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, stress reactivity and ptsd from withdrawal. Even the functional movement disorder, spinal Myoclonus, that I acquired still reemerges when I have trauma memories or become stressed. 

 

I just don't see how I can ever get my brain to go back to the way it was, when I couldn't stabilize if below a certain dose. I stayed on 2.5 mg of Lexapro for months, but I still had constant crying spells. Only at 4 mg and above did the crying spells disappear.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Lilu, sorry to read that you've been having a tough time.   Thanks for updating your signature with your increase to 10 mg.

 

Let yourself get stable on your current dose before thinking too much about decreasing and/or eventually getting off Lexapro.   I hope the updose does "the trick" for you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Lilu, sorry to read that you've been having a tough time.   Thanks for updating your signature with your increase to 10 mg.

 

Let yourself get stable on your current dose before thinking too much about decreasing and/or eventually getting off Lexapro.   I hope the updose does "the trick" for you.

 

Thanks Scallywag.  In comparison to how I was during my year of severe withdrawal, I'm doing much better. I get 8-10 hours of sleep on most nights and I hardly ever cry anymore.  My nervous system has mostly healed, and if I stay away from triggers, I remain calm. Unfortunately, that also keeps me very isolated.  

Yeah, I guess the plan is to get my depression under control, and start putting my life back together, without thinking about if and when I'll attempt to withdraw from ADs again in the future.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Thanks lilu for these posts from reading them I've made my mind up I'm going to have to up dose or change my meds ,my heart bleeds for you I really feel your pain ,I am also experiencing horrendous depression that I am correctly very worried about ,I can't keep thinking I can tough it out .

You word my own experience so well .

My mind will not leave me alone so this has to stop .

Please believe that your an amazing humanbeing that deserves the upmost respect .

I'm a huge fan of phsycology and it helps me to understand the human condition and have more compassion for myself these days.

Only this morning I put into YouTube inspiration videos for depression ,please never give up ,your worth it ,we all are

Respect to you

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Thanks lilu for these posts from reading them I've made my mind up I'm going to have to up dose or change my meds ,my heart bleeds for you I really feel your pain ,I am also experiencing horrendous depression that I am correctly very worried about ,I can't keep thinking I can tough it out .

You word my own experience so well .

My mind will not leave me alone so this has to stop .

Please believe that your an amazing humanbeing that deserves the upmost respect .

I'm a huge fan of phsycology and it helps me to understand the human condition and have more compassion for myself these days.

Only this morning I put into YouTube inspiration videos for depression ,please never give up ,your worth it ,we all are

Respect to you

PB

Oh thank you so much, powerback!  If I can help even one person with my words or my story, it makes my experience and suffering just a little bit more meaningful.  I have been sharing information about this site on various Facebook pages and hope that more people come here for help.  I believe that the information is getting out there and a shift in consciousness is occuring.   Maybe I'll start my own Facebook Page about antidepressant withdrawal. Not sure. Please share your YouTube links. 

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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I am adding the following post to my thread since it's a good summary of my story so that people don't have to read my entire thread to know a bit about me.

 

Posted 03 May 2017 - 12:34 PM

 

After going through an excruciating withdrawal, I had no choice but to return to taking an antidepressant. I don't see how I can ever get off of it. And have no idea what I'll do if it stops working.

How long was your withdrawal? Are you trying any therapy? Sorry you had to go back on them. I'm two months off them now and I think about going back on them often. I wasn't happy being on them but I felt comfortable enough. Now being off them I'm uncomfortable, anxious, depressed. I found a good therapist and he thinks that it's highly likely that my depression is from the withdrawal. I feel like he's right because my symptoms seem to be SLOWLY improving but it's so slow. The one nice thing about being off them, for me at least, is being forced to confront how I think (pessimistic) and trying to change that. Being on the meds I never felt the need to try and change my thinking because I just didn't feel the need to.

 

I started going through "tolerance withdrawal" (a term psychiatrists don't recognize) while I was still on Pristiq, around November of 2012; by March I switch over to Lexapro, and a month later started my taper. So for 2 years I was in withdrawal while on and tapering medication. It was bad, real bad, but what happened to me after I had finished my taper was no comparison.  I went into severe withdrawal which became increasingly worse and didn't get better until I resumed Lexapro.  However, it was not a drug free withdrawal because I started taking Ambien and Klonopin for sleep. I also tried many other psychiatric drugs during this time, prescribed by my psychiatrist, drugs that only made me worse.  I was desperate because I couldn't sleep at all. And I had uncontrollable crying spells for hours and hours every day.  I was also under a lot of stress because I got involved with a man who also had withdrawal and mental issues.

As for therapy, during withdrawal, seeing my therapist caused me more harm than good.  I don't recommend it. In fact, after it became clear to me that I had developed PTSD, I knew that I needed to stop seeing all psychiatrists and therapist or going to group therapy, because talking about all that happened to me, only triggered me and prevented my healing.  It was the right decision.  I distracted myself by watching lots of TV in the quiet calm of my apartment. I even stopped writing in my journal, something I've done since I was 15.  It was best not to think about the horrors of the past year.

 

About being pessimistic and negative. Yes, I can relate to that.  But unlike you, I've done self-help courses, read books, gone to therapy, tried meditation, and 12 step groups, to become more positive and happier. I was convinced that it was my beliefs and that I could learn to control my thoughts.  I was never very successful with any of it.  When at the height of a depressive episode, and after crying over a relationship for 2 months, I was given Effexor xr.  Within two weeks, my negative thoughts went away, I stopped crying, and started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. That's when I realized that it's all chemical, and that I have no choice but to stay on this medication. If a drug could do in two weeks, what I tried to do for 17 years, through therapy, then my mental issues were chemical and could only be fixed by a drug.

In retrospect, I regret this decision.  I would have gotten better if my doctor realized that what I needed was some CBT therapy and not a drug, and that my crying over this man was temporary and not permanent.  I know, I would have gotten better.  

So, this is a complicated issue - drugs vs therapy. I do believe that you do have to be stable in order to do therapy. I always say, "You can't do physical therapy on a broken leg."   Therapy is hard work, and you have to be emotionally stable enough to handle what comes up.  I don't recommend engaging in it while the body is still going through withdrawal.  But it is a good idea if you've never faced your inner demons and learned how to handle your negative thoughts.

With me, I think it's more than just patterns of negative thinking, it's thoughts of death that always seem to linger just below the surface, an emptiness, loneliness, fear.  The thing is that I managed it all before medication made my depression chronic and I'm afraid irreversible.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Lilu - thanks for posting!

 

Do you think that your Klonopin and Ambien use during withdrawal might have complicated your withdrawal?

 

I hope you see the sun today.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hi lilu that's very interesting what u say about doing therapy in withdrawal ,I did some at the start of my medication,I found it interesting and cathartic ,I want to go back to it but I better be careful ,I have a consultation next month ,so ile go from there .

thanks for that insight .

PB   

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hey Lilu - thanks for posting!

 

Do you think that your Klonopin and Ambien use during withdrawal might have complicated your withdrawal?

 

I hope you see the sun today.

 

Yes, it would seem so.  After I tried Ativan, Ambien became barely effective.  Eventually both Klonopin and Ambien started causing a parodoxical reaction in me - anxiety and akathisia.  The stupid psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar II and Borderline disorder and wanted to hospitalize me as an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital. He wouldn't f*ing listen or understand that it was the drugs causing this.  I'm still so angry at him and my previous psychiatrist who was willing to prescribe me anything I asked for.  

A lot of substances caused opposite or paradoxical reactions or exaggerated reactions in my body. Just as @Altostrata explains on this site. But I didn't listen.  Sudafed became extremely activating, seroquel, and trazadone made my heart race so hard and fast, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  Same with coffee and alcohol.  It would seem that since one is a stimulant and the other is a tranquilizer, they would have opposite effects, but no, both caused tachycardia.

 

I guess that's what happens during withdrawal, your autonomic nervous system just goes completely haywire.  And supplements had no effect or strange bad side effects.  I combined L-Tyrosine and 5HTP for a week, and had the worst GERD/feeling of pressure in my chest for 4 months!

 

But we are all different and some people use Klonopin and Ambien to help with occasional insomnia during withdrawal.  My take on that is that if you have only occasional insomnia, it's not due to withdrawal, but due to anxiety, which is best handled with things like CBT, hypnosis, meditation, and special music.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Hi lilu that's very interesting what u say about doing therapy in withdrawal ,I did some at the start of my medication,I found it interesting and cathartic ,I want to go back to it but I better be careful ,I have a consultation next month ,so ile go from there .

thanks for that insight .

PB   

The bottom line with therapy is that you have to be emotionally stable, so that you can handle the issues and strong emotions that are unearthed during therapy.  Most therapist are all too happy to start digging in your subconscious, but do little to help you process and heal what comes up.  My last therapist remarked how "betrayal and abandonment is a recurring theme in my relationships/friendships."  Yes, I'm aware of that. But how do I change that? No clue. Yes I could theorize and analyze my childhood till I turn blue in the face, and I have, but it hasn't changed anything.

 

Insight, whether it comes from you or from the therapist, does not necessarily transform you.  If it did, I'd be a mentally healthy person.  I'm usually more insightful into my own problems then any of the therapists I have ever seen.  It hasn't changed my negative thinking tendencies or other destructive patterns in my life.   I think Life Coaches are much more effective than therapists, because they focus on the present and on action.

 

On the other hand, if you've never done therapy or any significant self-reflection into your personality, history, and relationships, maybe it would be helpful for you.  Just don't do it if you're unstable, because it can really re-traumatize you, depending on your history.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

Link to comment

 

Hi lilu that's very interesting what u say about doing therapy in withdrawal ,I did some at the start of my medication,I found it interesting and cathartic ,I want to go back to it but I better be careful ,I have a consultation next month ,so ile go from there .

thanks for that insight .

PB   

The bottom line with therapy is that you have to be emotionally stable, so that you can handle the issues and strong emotions that are unearthed during therapy.  Most therapist are all too happy to start digging in your subconscious, but do little to help you process and heal what comes up.  My last therapist remarked how "betrayal and abandonment is a recurring theme in my relationships/friendships."  Yes, I'm aware of that. But how do I change that? No clue. Yes I could theorize and analyze my childhood till I turn blue in the face, and I have, but it hasn't changed anything.

 

Insight, whether it comes from you or from the therapist, does not necessarily transform you.  If it did, I'd be a mentally healthy person.  I'm usually more insightful into my own problems then any of the therapists I have ever seen.  It hasn't changed my negative thinking tendencies or other destructive patterns in my life.   I think Life Coaches are much more effective than therapists, because they focus on the present and on action.

 

On the other hand, if you've never done therapy or any significant self-reflection into your personality, history, and relationships, maybe it would be helpful for you.  Just don't do it if you're unstable, because it can really re-traumatize you, depending on your history.

 

 

I totally agree with you ,this is exactly what my experience was ,5 years ago when I did therapy ,I would find relief instantly but no help to process it ,my mother gave the analogy [its like tearing off the plaster from a wound and leaving it open ].

I have researched this place recently about going back ,and no way would I go back .they have good intentions but they are mostly students and with not great experience. You pay what u can afford to this place .

I shook the hand of my therapist at the end of one session ,the next week he said he was afraid I was going to do the unthinkable .this is a serious problem in therapy .3 years later I wanted to go back so I had a consultation first ,and the women basically told me in an hour I didn't have a father figure ,this later enraged me ,I had a good father that did he's best with what he had .I would report this place if I thought it would do any good .

 

I am far from stable at moment so I will not be doing serious therapy, my triggers are so bad at the moment I cant even listen to Eckhart tolle.even 3 months ago this would give me comfort .  

 

I've done serious reflection on my childhood and past and it has helped but I do notice resentment and anger popping up.

I was constantly asking my mother about me as a child and trying to figure out my behaviours and to correlate everything .   it hasn't gone down well ,she was getting defensive and annoyed ,I think she was taking a lot of  questions as criticism ,but we get on great so it was never a serious problem ,she understands my quest . 

I know I am correct about this self-reflection because there were many things that didn't add up  in my childhood ,that basically held me  back as an adult ,but I have to learn when to stop the self help and just relax .as you said don't be doing it when unstable .

take care

respect

PB  

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • 5 months later...
On 9/10/2012 at 2:43 PM, Lilu said:

despite sleeping for 8 or 9 hours a night, I wake up feeling tired and sleepy with a heavy brain fog that pretty much lasts all day. It does seem to lift at around 3 pm when I find myself suddenly feeling more clear and awake. Sometimes though the sleepiness (somnolence) last all day and I feel like I just can't think clearly. It's as if I'm always slightly buzzed or sedated.

I still have this symptom or set of symptoms.  Did this clear up for you?  How long?  Did you use any techniques to help cope with it?  Thank you for any advice.

RM

Alcohol periodic excessive 1963-1976, Valium sporadic 1964-1973,  Imipramine off & on 1982-1985, Fluoxetine 10mg-80 mg. Oct., 1995-Jan., 2014; Cymbalta, other ADs 1/2014-3/2014; Abilify 5 mg. 3/2014 - 8/8/17; Trintellix 20 mg. 3/2014 - 9/2017; Propranolol 60-80 mg. sporadically Sept-Oct, 2017; Seroquel few days Sept 2017 (c/t); Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sept, 2017 updosed to 300 mg. few days till c/t Oct 8, 2017, fish oil, vitD, vitE Oct 16, 2017-pres. Lipoflavonoid 4/2017-pres.  Fluoxetine 10 mg. Sept-Oct 8, 2017, 20 mg. 10/9- 10/15; 10 mg. 10/16 - 12/29;  9 mg. 12/30 - 2/9; 2 mL liquid (8.1mg) 2/10 - 3/7; 1.8 mL (7.29 mg) 3/8 -3/20; 1.6 mL (6.561mg) 3/20-4/2; 1.4 mL (5.9 mg) 4/3-4/14; 1mL (4 mg.) 4/15-4/22; .9mL (3.6mg) 4/23-5/1; .81mL (3.24 mg) 5/2-5/24; .73mL (2.916mg.) 5/25-6/8; .65mL 6/9-6/23; .6mL 6/24-7/17; .58mL 7/18-7/28; .525mL 7/29-8/13; .5 mL 8/14-21; .45mL 8/22-31; .4mL 9/2-21; .35mL 9/22-10/4; .3mL 10/5-28; .25mL 10/28-11/10; .2mL 11/11-11/24; .18mL 11/25-12/3; .1mL 12/4-12/18. Zero-12/19/18-present.

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13 hours ago, RealMe said:

I still have this symptom or set of symptoms.  Did this clear up for you?  How long?  Did you use any techniques to help cope with it?  Thank you for any advice.

RM

This was actually BEFORE I started my taper. I was still on Pristiq, but I think I was going through tolerance withdrawal. The Pristiq was no longer helping with depression, but also causing sever fatigue and drowsiness.  I know that this wasn't a side effect of Pristiq, because initially it gave me energy and didn't cause any fatigue of sleepiness. This went away shortly after I made the switch to Lexapro and quit Pristiq.   

Now, the drowsiness that I experienced as a side effect of other drugs that I tried during withdrawal or as a symptom of withdrawal is different. I'm not sure what is the CAUSE of your drowsiness.  There are so many things that can cause it. If you have severe drowsiness from withdrawal, then you're tapering too fast.  If the drowsiness is caused by not sleeping enough due to withdrawal, then again, you're tapering too fast.   If the drowsiness is a side effect of the medication, well, there's not much you can do, other than to get off the drug, by again, tapering slowly or BRIDGING, by switching to another medication.  Hope this helps.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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Lilu and RealMe,

 

Would you describe this more as DROWSINESS (that puts you to sleep) or FATIGUE, with very low energy, but not causing sleep?  I have severe fatigue (which also lifts later in the day), but I cannot sleep or nap at all during the day.  

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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4 hours ago, Lilu said:

I'm not sure what is the CAUSE of your drowsiness.  There are so many things that can cause it.

Thank you, Lilu.  I'm not sure what is causing it either, but maybe it's because I wake up 3-5 times during the night.  I'm not sure what's causing that either.  My husband snores!  Actually, I've been thinking about sleeping in another room.   Maybe it's due to tapering although I am following the 10% guidelines.  I've always had difficulty waking up in the mornings; it started in my teens (and so did my depressing).  As a child, of course, I jumped out of bed ready to start the day.  I only drink 4 cups of instant coffee per day, but maybe I have to cut down.  Darn.  What's left. :wacko:

 

3 hours ago, Barbarannamated said:

Would you describe this more as DROWSINESS (that puts you to sleep) or FATIGUE, with very low energy, but not causing sleep? 

Mine is a combination of symptoms, consisting of drowsiness, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, and desire to escape tinnitus.  But I'm thinking maybe my interrupted sleep at night might be a factor.  Do you feel your fatigue every day?  Are you able to sleep at night?

Alcohol periodic excessive 1963-1976, Valium sporadic 1964-1973,  Imipramine off & on 1982-1985, Fluoxetine 10mg-80 mg. Oct., 1995-Jan., 2014; Cymbalta, other ADs 1/2014-3/2014; Abilify 5 mg. 3/2014 - 8/8/17; Trintellix 20 mg. 3/2014 - 9/2017; Propranolol 60-80 mg. sporadically Sept-Oct, 2017; Seroquel few days Sept 2017 (c/t); Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sept, 2017 updosed to 300 mg. few days till c/t Oct 8, 2017, fish oil, vitD, vitE Oct 16, 2017-pres. Lipoflavonoid 4/2017-pres.  Fluoxetine 10 mg. Sept-Oct 8, 2017, 20 mg. 10/9- 10/15; 10 mg. 10/16 - 12/29;  9 mg. 12/30 - 2/9; 2 mL liquid (8.1mg) 2/10 - 3/7; 1.8 mL (7.29 mg) 3/8 -3/20; 1.6 mL (6.561mg) 3/20-4/2; 1.4 mL (5.9 mg) 4/3-4/14; 1mL (4 mg.) 4/15-4/22; .9mL (3.6mg) 4/23-5/1; .81mL (3.24 mg) 5/2-5/24; .73mL (2.916mg.) 5/25-6/8; .65mL 6/9-6/23; .6mL 6/24-7/17; .58mL 7/18-7/28; .525mL 7/29-8/13; .5 mL 8/14-21; .45mL 8/22-31; .4mL 9/2-21; .35mL 9/22-10/4; .3mL 10/5-28; .25mL 10/28-11/10; .2mL 11/11-11/24; .18mL 11/25-12/3; .1mL 12/4-12/18. Zero-12/19/18-present.

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My sleep is variable. I actually feel better when I do NOT go into (what feels like) a deep sleep.  Waking from deep sleep is much worse in terms of anxiety, panic, anger, *weirdness*, including rage. I've sent and answered messages during that time and barely recognize them later in the day. It's very unsettling. My life situation is EXTREMELY stressful and it all hits me upon awakening. I honestly can't say if it's "quality" sleep because I never feel rested or well. 

 

The leaden fatigue, no motivation or volition, and apathy all seem to be intertwined.  I don't think they are due only to poor sleep.  

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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21 hours ago, RealMe said:

Thank you, Lilu.  I'm not sure what is causing it either, but maybe it's because I wake up 3-5 times during the night.  I'm not sure what's causing that either.  My husband snores!  Actually, I've been thinking about sleeping in another room.   Maybe it's due to tapering although I am following the 10% guidelines.  I've always had difficulty waking up in the mornings; it started in my teens (and so did my depressing).  As a child, of course, I jumped out of bed ready to start the day.  I only drink 4 cups of instant coffee per day, but maybe I have to cut down.  Darn.  What's left. :wacko:

 

It seems that you have identified two causes already. You will certainly experience daytime drowsiness as well as fatigue if you wake that many times at night. Also 4 cups of coffee per day is way too many.  You need to cut down to just 1 cup in the morning, and make it a strong one if you like. And definitely no caffeine after 3 pm.  I personally cannot sleep to anyone who snores.  I'll even wake up sometimes when my cat is snoring next to me! :P  So, yes, start sleeping by yourself. (Your "conjugal" visits with your husband will be that much sexier. ;)

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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On 3/15/2018 at 12:43 PM, Barbarannamated said:

Lilu and RealMe,

 

Would you describe this more as DROWSINESS (that puts you to sleep) or FATIGUE, with very low energy, but not causing sleep?  I have severe fatigue (which also lifts later in the day), but I cannot sleep or nap at all during the day.  

Remember, my situation is different since I have been back on medication for over 2 years now.  I still experience daytime drowsiness and fatigue on some days though.  Fatigue is a symptom of depression and is often referred to as psychomotor retardation.  It just feels to hard to move, or you move very slowly. Everything feels like a huge effort.  Some days or weeks I feel this way depending on whether or not I feel depressed.  But I have also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue, so I'm sure those two play a role.  Like I said before, Drowsiness and Fatigue have many causes.  And you can have one without the other, or both. 

 

It's important to identify the causes that you can control, such as going to bed before 10:30pm and waking up at the same time.  Don't drink alcohol before bed, as it will disrupt your circadian rhythm.  Although, I ok with a couple of ounces of fortified wine which I use sometimes as a tranquilizer if I can't fall asleep or feel too wired.  Sometimes I just drink warm milk and eat some peanut butter to keep my blood sugar stable during the night.

 

 

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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21 hours ago, Barbarannamated said:

My sleep is variable. I actually feel better when I do NOT go into (what feels like) a deep sleep.  Waking from deep sleep is much worse in terms of anxiety, panic, anger, *weirdness*, including rage. I've sent and answered messages during that time and barely recognize them later in the day. It's very unsettling. My life situation is EXTREMELY stressful and it all hits me upon awakening. I honestly can't say if it's "quality" sleep because I never feel rested or well. 

The leaden fatigue, no motivation or volition, and apathy all seem to be intertwined.  I don't think they are due only to poor sleep.  

I see that you are on Klonopin AND Trazodone.  For me, Klonopin, after going through withdrawal, went paradoxical. I would wake up after an hour with SEVERE anxiety, panic, and akathysia.  It was truly awful. After I stopped Klonopin, those symptoms went away.  Trazodone causes a major "hangover" and daytime drowsiness which lifts towards the afternoon, for most people.  Both of these drugs, but especially Klonopin, since it's a muscle relaxer, will make you feel "leaden" and slow.  

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • 5 months later...

Wow, this girl's story is very similar to what I went through. Except I haven't been able to bring myself to write it all down. The nightmare I went through still haunts me.  I wish I could go back to all the doctors who treated me and shower them with evidence in the style of Erin Brockovich... but I just don't have the emotional strength. I become overcome with anger when I read stories like this:

https://rxisk.org/withdrawal-from-sertraline/

Withdrawal from Sertraline

The Sick Child by Edvard Munch

This is the story of Anna.

 

My first encounter with psychiatry and the “mental health” system was in the summer of 2008. A beautiful; warm summer indeed. But unfortunately I will recall this summer for other, less glorious, reasons. I was 20 years old at the time and had moved eight times in my short life, changed countries twice and had become increasingly more lonely and timid. I was on a quest for meaning and was reflecting upon life and our existence in this world, but not necessarily in a negative way. Engaging in relationships with my peers had become more and more difficult and upon well-meaning advice from a family member I went to see a psychiatrist.

Life changed in a second

After a mere ten minute chat the psychiatrist, a young and friendly, certainly well-meaning man, opened his DSM-IV and labeled me then and there, changing the course of my life in the fraction of a second. According to his bible, I fit the description of a “socially anxious” and “dysthymic” patient perfectly. My emotions and analytic thoughts were the symptoms of these underlying illnesses. He further explained that I had an imbalanced brain chemistry that needed to be fixed. Sure, it was simple! I needn’t worry about it. I left his office with a prescription of the antidepressant Sertraline in my hands.

I took the pill every day for four years, never questioning the young doctor’s diagnosis. I should say that the antidepressant didn’t ever give any side-effects besides that I developed nystagmus, a rapid eye movement that would appear once in a while whilst reading or focusing my eyes on a close object. The antidepressant didn’t make me happier nor did it make me more depressed. In fact, it didn’t do anything at all. The only time I ever noticed that the drug was actually having an impact on my body was when I forgot to take it, I would immediately become dizzy, light headed, nauseous and I would get a throbbing headache.

The years passed and in 2012 I was thriving. Academically I had found the right path. I made friends and had met someone who loved me for who I was. I thought it was about time I come off the Sertraline, thinking it didn’t do much anyway. The doctor said I could taper off in two weeks and all would be fine.

Psycho-somatic

Two weeks after the last pill I began to experience symptoms of a urinary tract infection. However, all results came back negative. Despite this, the symptoms grew increasingly more debilitating; I developed severe pelvic pains, my bladder felt as if it was constantly on fire and I would have to go the toilet between 20-30 times/day. I became insomniac for the first time in my life and developed horrendous anxiety, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I had a cystoscopy and even an MRI of my urinary tract but my symptoms were unexplainable. My parents treated me like a hypochondriac and I had lost all credibility in their eyes. The doctor finally said it was my “underlying anxious condition” that was manifesting itself again, this time in the form of an overly active bladder. It was all psycho-somatic, he said. I should stress that I had never had these types of problems before.

I was put back on Sertraline and sure enough, the symptoms disappeared within two weeks. At this point I had begun to question myself profoundly, beginning to believe that I couldn’t trust my body or my brain, for I must indeed have a chemical imbalance in order to experience such intense physical and mental symptoms without any medical explanation other than “severe anxiety”.

Another two years of my life passed without any significant incident. I had started working, had my own apartment and was enjoying my job, travelling and spending time with friends.

Who is the psychiatrist here?

I decided, again, to come off the Sertraline but this time I tapered off over a two month period. All went well until the two month mark of the last pill. I was walking down the street one Sunday afternoon when a throbbing headache hit me out of the blue. Within a day I became very nauseous, dizzy and light-headed and began feeling generally unwell. I experienced flu-like symptoms, without ever getting the flu. The headache did not leave me and became so severe that my face became numb and I visited the ER twice. I had an EEG, a head MRI and several blood tests but everything was normal. My muscles became sore and begun to spasm. I had a feeling of pins and needles all over my body, including my face and felt as if I was constantly hung-over. Physical activity became impossible; I would become sick and extremely weak. Again, the insomnia came back with a vengeance and with it, that horrendous unexplainable anxiety and heart-palpitations.

I endured these symptoms for two months (with fluctuating intensity) until one day when I hadn’t slept for three days. The inner tremor and anxiety had me completely paralyzed. At this point I had not yet made the connection with the Sertraline withdrawal since the symptoms had developed such a long time after I had stopped taking it and the doctors said it was impossible, the drug was long gone from my system.

I ended up the psychiatric ER, severely sleep deprived and shaking like an autumn leaf, thinking that there was something seriously wrong with me and ended up staying for two nights. The psychiatrist “caring” for me said this was all the proof that I had to reinstate the Sertraline because I was clearly in “relapse” of my original “anxiety disorder”. I was put on a regimen of three psychotropic drugs, lorazepam 6,5mg/day, Trazodone 100 mg for sleep and Sertraline. I refused to take the Dominal, a neuroleptic that was also prescribed for sleep. I questioned this regimen and particularly the combination of two antidepressants and the high dose of the benzodiazepine but the psychiatrist assured me that none were addictive and that this combination was perfectly normal and further insisted I take this regimen for a month, at least. He also told me to stop being so paranoid about the medication and to trust him. “Who is the psychiatrist here; you or me?” were his exact words.

He told me to trust him

Within two days of reinstating the Sertraline I became acutely suicidal, my anxiety grew so intense that I had to make myself throw up every morning to relieve the physical tension it was causing. My heart was racing and felt like a drum in my chest day and night, pounding hard. I became completely and utterly paralyzed. The fear and anxiety were unbearable. I started to imagine jumping in front of buses and trains, jumping off high buildings or taking every pill I had with a bottle of wine. I remember looking down at the busy street from my kitchen window, asking myself if it was high enough to kill me or if I would only break a few bones in the fall. I wanted to die, so profoundly.

I didn’t know who I was anymore; I did not recognize myself in the mirror and became unable to perform the simplest everyday tasks. My body was no longer my own. Hours upon hours were spent crying in bed with anxiety so intense I was absolutely sure it was going to kill me then and there. I wanted to rip my skin off. I know now that these sensations actually have a name: drug-induced akathisia. I saw the world though a thick fog and began having intense muscle spasm and tremors, joint and nerve pains. My body felt electrical, as if currents were passing through it everywhere all day long. I could not sit still and became very restless. My legs felt as if they were vibrating constantly. I couldn’t read, concentrate or eat. I lost a lot of weight. The pelvic floor and bladder pains returned and with them, the urinary frequency. Sleep became a luxury for which I longed dearly as I was unable to sleep for more than an hour at a time. If I ever managed to sleep longer, horrendously violent nightmares haunted my nights.

I told the psychiatrist about all of this. He looked me in the eyes, without any emotion; telling me that it was all psycho-somatic and that I should try to endure the physical pain a little longer because it was a “great opportunity to really look inside and try to find the explanation of my ‘psychological suffering’ ”. And I certainly had to increase the dosage in order to ever get better. He told me to trust him. This to me was worse than any physical aggression, rape or assault. This doctor, who’s role was to first and foremost do no harm, almost killed me then and there, merely uttering a sentence followed by a cold, absent gaze. This man, a complete stranger, thought he knew me better that I knew myself.

Your mind is sick

At this point I began to make the link between all of these symptoms and the Sertraline but the psychiatrist told me it was impossible and that the symptoms I was experiencing where merely the proof that I was severely ill. I shouldn’t trust my mind because it is sick. All of the symptoms were but the proof of my illness that requires an increase in dosage. The higher he pushed the doses, the worse I felt. I was so anxious and unwell that I threw up in front of him at one point. Clearly, to him, this was the ultimate proof of my “insanity”. Every day I was fighting the intense suicidal thoughts and horrendous physical and emotional pain. The only way to describe I would be; Hell on Earth. I cannot compare it to anything else and wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

The doctor began considering hospitalization in a psychiatric ward and insisted I take Seroquel for the anxiety. Luckily I refused both and instead began frantically browsing the internet for answers. This was not me. A little voice inside of me whispered that the drugs were making me sicker by the day and that I should trust my intuition, trust that gut feeling.

Leaving the system

I found hundreds of testimonies on different online forums. I spent hours upon hours reading about prolonged withdrawal from SSRIs and realized it was what I had been suffering from each time I had tried to get off Sertraline. It was what had brought me to the psychiatric ER, it was withdrawal symptoms that had caused the further polydrugging. It wasn’t me. It never had been! It was neither my “chemical imbalance” nor my “underlying anxiety” but in fact, the drug had caused my brain to become imbalanced. My nervous system had become so fragile that reinstating the Sertraline had gravely aggravated all withdrawal symptoms, throwing some new ones into the mix. I cried tears of joy and of despair at the same time. I was overwhelmed by so many emotions; shock, relief, feeling of profound injustice and also fear. Had these drugs damaged me beyond repair? Was I doomed to live a life suffering physically and mentally with debilitating symptoms? Could the body and brain ever recover from so many years of SSRI use?

I had been so close to being institutionalized, so close to having other psychiatric labels put on me, so close to death. I was and am still completely traumatized by this. Profoundly shocked by the violence of the so called “mental health” system.

Within a week I tapered off the Sertraline and stopped all the other drugs as well. I was physically and mentally incapable of swallowing another pill. It felt as if they were pure poison and I could not bear having these chemicals circulating in my bloodstream, altering my brain and intoxicating me more by the day.

I found a psychiatrist who recognized that it was indeed withdrawals that I had been suffering from all along. I could never describe in words the feeling of relief I felt that a doctor was at last listening to me; believing me! I wasn’t mad or mentally ill. Tears of joy streamed down my face that evening, burning my cheeks. But it did not matter. It was the first day of the road back to recovery. The sun felt a little warmer that afternoon. The same sun that had been hidden behind a big, gray cloud for so many months.

This experience is still very recent for me and I am in the midst of horrific SSRI withdrawal. I am not yet healed. It’s but the beginning of the journey back. The wounds are still open and bleeding and I am vulnerable. I struggle on a daily basis, both physically and emotionally. I don’t know how long it will take to put psychiatry behind me. I have yet to regain confidence in my mind, my body and in the medical profession that so brutally violated every part of my being and that almost killed me. But they say hope is the last thing to abandon the human being and today I choose to believe this.

We live in unfortunate times where shyness, insecurity and life struggles are considered as symptoms or defectiveness that have to be medicated when it is in fact our society and the way psychiatry is practiced today that are defective. Expressions of our most human traits are labeled, classified and “treated” but at what cost? I cannot think of anything more dehumanizing and my heart aches when I think of all the people who are still trapped in the system and who believe it’s them that are ill and unbalanced and who ultimately do kill themselves. It’s an epidemic and as a victim of it I feel it’s my obligation to speak up and tell my story; the truth behind psychotropic drugs. Big greedy Pharma never will. It’s all up to us. They say that many drops form an ocean. I will not let my voice be quieted again for I am now part of that ocean.

 

Postscript

Now 5 months off Sertraline, I have been getting some “windows” when the symptoms become less severe but they are always there to some degree. The main symptoms include:

  • Inner “vibration”, buzzing (mostly legs) has improved slightly
  • Muscle twiches
  • Rigid tongue
  • Lightheadedness, vertigo
  • Nausea
  • Eye floaters
  • Pins and needles burning pains
  • Heightened anxiety
  • Insomnia (has improved slightly)
  • Brain zaps
  • Lack of concentration
  • Depressed feelings
  • Dry mouth

Comment

Many people report that distinct withdrawal problems like Zaps fade away after 5-6 months. But at this point what is increasingly called protracted withdrawal or tardive dysphoria or dysautonomia may remain. RxISK hopes very soon to open up a Complex Withdrawal section to explore these issues further.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • 3 years later...

Hi @Lilu how have you been? 🙂

2013-2021 Lexapro 20mg

10-21 started lexapro tapering

3-22 lexapro free
5-22 started to get paresthesia all over body mainly in legs , numbness, tingling, stinging sensations 

6-22 neurologist started me on Lyrica 25mg twice a day to see if it helps with the paresthesia, got a nerve conduction test which was negative

6-22 neurologist suggested quitting lyrica as it isnt seem to be helping, and reinstating 5mg lexapro to see if it helps with the symptoms, thinking of starting lower at 2.5mg

6-13-22 stopped lyrica by doctor order (only took it 4 days )

6-14-22 reinstated 2.5mg lexapro

6-15-22 neurologist added 10mg amitriptyline to try and help with paresthesia sensory symptoms

6-22-22 updose to 5mg lexapro (bad reaction, paresthesia got worse, back to 2.5mg next day)

6-27-22 went to see a new internal doctor, per symptoms (lack of appetite that had been going on for almost a month, the paresthesia, and gi problems), told me to suspend everything i was taking and take new low dose combination drug (Adepsique) 5mg amitriptyline/ 1.5mg Diazepam / 1mg Perphenazine and 40mg Propranolol for daytime sinus tachycardia

 

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