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☼ Cymbaltawithdrawal5600: Introduction


cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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I have so much stuff, stuff I have collected for craft projects that I just don't want to do. Stuff I wanted to decorate my house with 'in case people came over'. (Wow, a whole lot of psychological meaning in that!) I was watching 'Hoarders' last night at the dog's house while I finished a puzzle (I have to do something with my hands while I am there.) Anyhow, last night's episode had a guy in his late 20's who referred to himself as a 'serial hobbyist'. So what he would do is get interested in something, buy all of the equipment and supplies, start it and then abandon it when the craft got into the difficult stages before completion. Oh hey, that's me. With me it has been stuff to make earrings or other jewelry with. My stuff is kinda quirky, my 'take' on something I've seen, and I always had high hopes at selling at craft shows. I've done that some, just local stuff, consigned and had items at a friend's gallery. But I would not really lose interest, more that I got all wrapped up in my head that my stuff was not 'good enough', tacky, not sturdy, not even as good as the cheap Asian stuff in all the stores. But people bought my stuff for some odd reason. I just never kept at one idea for very long.

 

So how does this tie into the hoarding thing? My stuff is just bumming me out, the disorder of it. I have been gathering up stuff, a little each day, and carting it off to the thrift store. I took some craft stuff, pieces of stuff I had made, dropped it off at a store run by a community church on the island, I don't think it has a 'religion' per se. There's this lady there, oh so sweet southern drawl. She told me what she was going to do with some of the sparkly beaded stuff. Her husb gets chemo and she takes pretty scarves to the cancer center, puts them on a rack and the ladies take them. Her heart is warmed when she sees this. She is going to take my stuff to give them too. (I don't know why but I am sobbing right now trying to write this out). Yesterday in one of the boxes were some eyeglass holders I had made with beaded fish. I have dismissed them as tacky. But I had this image of a lady there for her chemo wearing one and all the other ladies pestering her about where she got it and them wanting one too. (Isn't this how we are, girls? I am, I know).

 

So I go there today and the sweetsoutherndrawl lady had one of my creations on. And another gal was there wanting some other fish eyeglass holder I had started but the ends weren't finished. I gave her a bag of the single fish I had done and told her to make a donation and she could make some herself. I used to be so afraid people would copy my stuff and I did not give her the stuff to make me feel good, but so she could feel good. She was just so excited! I can still make them and sell them at craft fairs if I want and I just don't have that oh so tight attachment to them anymore. Those fish are a pita to make, tiny seed beads.

 

If I can find pics of them I'll post and you'll see what I am talking about. I do not know if I am well, but something is changing inside me along with my physiology. I just don't have the energy to judge it right now. I'm just going to try to do what I can and rein in my impulses to 'future-thinking'.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Alto, I just don't know at this point. The B's in the multivit are low. It's the combined amt of D that has me perplexed. My heart is not palpitating like it was so I think I'll just let sleeping dogs lie and lay off the supplements and not worry too much. Even though my appetite is still poor, I still manage to eat small bits of stuff frequently. Bad diet while on ADs may be revealing itself, that and an aging body. I don't think I can beat this 'wave' in my physiology with the supplement stick and make it all better. I have another Dr appt in Aug and I'll get the standard blood panels (have never got any done if I haven't been ill) and see if anything is there to be treated.

 

Thanks for your note!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I don't really understand all this, but Dr. Mercola believes you need to take another substance, I think vit K2, if you take oral vitamin D. No idea if that is true or not. Mercola.com. Can you clean my house when you're done with yours? :)

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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I have so much stuff, stuff I have collected for craft projects that I just don't want to do. Stuff I wanted to decorate my house with 'in case people came over'. (Wow, a whole lot of psychological meaning in that!) I was watching 'Hoarders' last night at the dog's house while I finished a puzzle (I have to do something with my hands while I am there.) Anyhow, last night's episode had a guy in his late 20's who referred to himself as a 'serial hobbyist'. So what he would do is get interested in something, buy all of the equipment and supplies, start it and then abandon it when the craft got into the difficult stages before completion. Oh hey, that's me. With me it has been stuff to make earrings or other jewelry with. My stuff is kinda quirky, my 'take' on something I've seen, and I always had high hopes at selling at craft shows. I've done that some, just local stuff, consigned and had items at a friend's gallery. But I would not really lose interest, more that I got all wrapped up in my head that my stuff was not 'good enough', tacky, not sturdy, not even as good as the cheap Asian stuff in all the stores. But people bought my stuff for some odd reason. I just never kept at one idea for very long.

 

So how does this tie into the hoarding thing? My stuff is just bumming me out, the disorder of it. I have been gathering up stuff, a little each day, and carting it off to the thrift store. I took some craft stuff, pieces of stuff I had made, dropped it off at a store run by a community church on the island, I don't think it has a 'religion' per se. There's this lady there, oh so sweet southern drawl. She told me what she was going to do with some of the sparkly beaded stuff. Her husb gets chemo and she takes pretty scarves to the cancer center, puts them on a rack and the ladies take them. Her heart is warmed when she sees this. She is going to take my stuff to give them too. (I don't know why but I am sobbing right now trying to write this out). Yesterday in one of the boxes were some eyeglass holders I had made with beaded fish. I have dismissed them as tacky. But I had this image of a lady there for her chemo wearing one and all the other ladies pestering her about where she got it and them wanting one too. (Isn't this how we are, girls? I am, I know).

 

So I go there today and the sweetsoutherndrawl lady had one of my creations on. And another gal was there wanting some other fish eyeglass holder I had started but the ends weren't finished. I gave her a bag of the single fish I had done and told her to make a donation and she could make some herself. I used to be so afraid people would copy my stuff and I did not give her the stuff to make me feel good, but so she could feel good. She was just so excited! I can still make them and sell them at craft fairs if I want and I just don't have that oh so tight attachment to them anymore. Those fish are a pita to make, tiny seed beads.

 

If I can find pics of them I'll post and you'll see what I am talking about. I do not know if I am well, but something is changing inside me along with my physiology. I just don't have the energy to judge it right now. I'm just going to try to do what I can and rein in my impulses to 'future-thinking'.

Oh my.........I think we must be twins separated at birth!!! You are describing my house! So much stuff bought for so many projects that never got started or started but not finished...................and the beads...............love beads, just LOVE them and have heaps of all kinds of beads, plus mediums to make all kinds of beads.

And fabric, I have suitcases and underbed storage crates plus a cupboard full of fabric bought for  certain things. Some are over 30 years old  :blush: And I keep telling myself that when I get better I will finally make whatever it was I bought it for. I have started to offload paper craft stuff because I never really got into it that much, but my fabric and beads, just mmmmmmmmmmmm. And don't get me started on tools  :blush: .  

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Me, too. Now I'm thinking I need to part with my old craft ambitions....

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Oh God! My craft sisters! Here you are!!!!!! You know, it is really funny, but offloading this stuff is bringing back a nudge of creative interest. I just realized that in looking at the stuff I have kept, hoarded actually (because I wouldn't sell it even if I made it), I just don't want it. I don't even want to try to sell it, I just don't want it here anymore. I'm not sad or regretful or anything about any of it, I just glance at it and put it in the donate box. There is so much craft stuff in every store nowadays and I really believe I won't ever regret parting with it. I can always buy it again. But not every bead, in every color and shape. Or this, or that. All of that. I'll have to check my thread and see if I mentioned the beads my friend bought from a lady who died. This is the story that has been percolating in my consciousness I think. I don't want to be anymore what I think she was, kept buying and buying all those bead things, all high end stuff (mine isn't) and not making hardly any of it before getting more stuff. I even donated the jewelry catalogs Fire M0unt@in Beads sent me when I got some SW crystals to finish a project a friend wanted me to do.

 

I just want to ENJOY making stuff without always an eye toward selling it or something (or hiding it in a box cause I can't wear all of it at one time). Believe me, I still have some I'm keeping. And I'm overjoyed about giving it to someone who likes it!

 

I like the idea of donating it. I had a quirky idea that if anyone sees a pic of something I've made (I'll eventually get around to posting a Dropbox link so you can see what the lady was wearing of mine), they could ask for it, I'd mail it and they could give a donation to the site that I would never know about. See, I told you the idea was quirky. But I'm not scared of my ideas anymore......

 

And I just want to relax about life.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Alto, you put it in a nutshell: parting with my OLD craft ambitions. I realize I just want to be able to make MY stuff, as slowly as I want, and do anything I want with it when I'm done. Lots of stuff I have made, if someone likes it, I tell them they can have it because once I have made one, I am done with it. Lots will just not take it as even a gift. A few do. Mixing bead colors and shapes into something mesmerizes me but if it is an earring? I never want to finish the other one. Always been that way. I don't wear necklaces.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Hey Meimei!

 

I kinda think you'll have to do your own house, not that I wouldn't run up there in a heartbeat just to see you! I think it has something to do with the concept that they play out in the show 'Hoarders'. But I am doing the intervention on myself. And it is not really the Zen thing of letting go of my attachment to 'things'. Tell the truth, I have no idea what it is, its basically an experience I am having and that I want to have: Being able to wake up in the morning and not think of all that stuff I have to do something with. And I don't want to 'wait until I am well' to get around to it. I want the experience of doing it, cleaning up my own hoard. I want to see what it feels like when I have done it. And I am not just shoveling sh1t out the door. I look at and it goes.

 

And now I am not making any sense.

 

On the Dr. Mercola thing: supplements are kinda sorta innocuous but for us, very much not, and maybe not for a lot of healthy people in the long run. The oil soluable vits are tricky...... I am just going to stay away from them for now and not get all upset about not being hungry. That one link mentioned the concept of 'autophagy'. Could my body be making me do that temporarily to wash out an excess of D or something that in my ZEAL TO HEAL AND HEAL RIGHT NOW I may have upset? (I'm going to resurrect my 'Autopsy Theory' here because I just don't know).

 

It has been less than a week.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I have 2 more stories I want to share. Mulling over the few days since the thrapist came to my house and I feel like there has been some sort of shift in my 'consciousness', it feels like a 'window' (maybe our deep feeling states come in windows and waves too). The thrift store donation experience, the letting loose of my 'craft dreams', has been something not easy to describe but is something I would never have imagined could affect me in such a way, like it just happened and I don't really understand why.

 

So I went to my GFs house to drop off something she had an interest in, something she liked and I wasn't using. Another one of those things I just had to have the moment I saw it, a Trikke. I just don't want to try using it anymore. Her DH (I see a lot of me in him about the depression behavior) was all excited to tell me about this miracle cure he bought. GF tells me he spends all of his time on the comp searching for cures and he found something he 'researched' that was just perfect. He was so enthusiastic. My normal bunk and woo detector assured me it wasn't what he claimed it was but what was totally missing was my urge to try to show him 'reason'. I was totally neutral inside, I could let him have his thing and not feel a pressure to make him see it for what it was, a gimmick. Thank Goddess he bought the cheapest one. GF is always wary of me talking to him because I can get him very agitated when I try to change his mind. But I was strangely just open to him, just letting him talk his stuff.

 

The therapist called me yesterday, I told her that I wasn't going to continue on a regular basis. But she is still hurting a lot over her recent broken dream with the fiancee and a house she wanted. She teared up a bit and I said 'Hey, you know this stuff! You know it will change and its all working the way it should' or some such supportive thing. 'Oh, look at you! YOU should be a therapist, you are really good at this!'

 

I don't want to be a therapist. What I want is to have more experiences like this - being able to calmly listen to others without my head talk interferring or thinking that with my intellect I should be able to help them. There was a nugget of exquisite feeling in those moments that I'd like to experience again.

 

There is something about the words Alto uses in her posts. They are very short but worlds of meaning inhabit them. They give me the same sort of unique feeling when I read them.

 

Sheesh, that sounds so corny and how can one really convey feelings accurately? All I really know is that people want to talk their stuff and its magic for me when I can just listen.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Sounds to me like you're venturing out into the realm of acceptance Cymbalta.  Somehow or another I gained entry there several months back and was allowed to hang around for three weeks or so before withdrawal started and wrenched me away.  One of the highlights was being able to sit and listen to people in the way you describe, without passing judgment.  Even when people said things that seemed wrong, I'd have the thought "Oh, so that's what you think, how strange!", and this strangeness would then become a source of mystery and amusement to get lost in.  Everything seemed to open up into new and joyful dimensions, even things that seemed ugly at first.  I'm hoping I can return to this place once all of this withdrawal stuff is resolved.  Even if it takes a while to get back there's a certain pleasure in just knowing that it exists.  

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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Hi Narcissus!

 

I think I have read your whole thread and you are a favorite of mine (actually everybody is starting to become a favorite) but I like your writing.

 

I think there is a window/wave thing with our inner life too, and I have no understanding of it's mechanics, just the experience. I think you are right, it feels like acceptance. None of this stuff is very concrete and I can't remember anything about steps I took before it happened. I'm a step-follower and it is hard to be a person who just experiences things. But here's something: I read a lot. I think I saw something (maybe on GiaK's blog) about Tolle's 'The Power of Now'. There was a brief exercise that I read and thought: I must get the book and really study this, it should help me get 'well'. So I meet the 92 year old guy at the volunteer place and he reads a lot too. Started talking about his NDE type experience (I've had that stuff), reincarnation (been there, so now what), Edgar Cayce (interesting but I don't think my answers are in someone 'reading' me) and then he gets to 'The Power of Now'. The next day I had the power of now experience with the deluded (I think) husb of my friend.

 

I think I am starting to see life as a process and understanding a lot of what I desperately sought in books and 'spiritual' exercises. It's all the same stuff, over and over in different words, and its just the simple noticing of it in the flow of life that seems magical.

 

And I am so full of sh1t sometimes.......

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I have discovered a huge improvement in myself, it is a changed attitude or way of thinking about 'who I am' and what I 'like' or 'don't like' about myself and the way I 'see' myself in relation to others.

 

I mentioned somewhere where I got side-tracked by 'New Age' concepts while attending a church long ago. I fell into a kind of spell, that if I could just change my thoughts all the good I sought would come to me. What I thought I heard and what I interpreted it to mean are very different things. Anyhow, this involves a recent experience with a person's possible romantic interest in me. At the time it happened, I was mystified as to why anyone would have such an interest in me, at my age. I half-heartedly searched for any information I could find on the internet about this person and came up pretty blank, except for one small thing: he said he was a partner in the business but the legal filings showed no such thing.

 

I asked about him when I was at that business again yesterday and they said "Oh, he's in j@il!" (And he is either married or living with). Huh?????? Today I looked up the info on the net (all that stuff is public online records here), I had never even thought of that kind of research on this person. Sure enough, there's records going back many years. God bless him, I hope he can get his life straightened up one day.

 

But here's the thing: my world is always about ME. Didn't stay married, dated a LOT of guys who either drank, took drugs, had relationship issues, you name it. I believed I was ATTRACTING them to me and I became so upset and frustrated with my inability to find 'Mr. Right' that I flat out quit looking. Why was I not attracted to normal, stable guys with average looks? Couldn't trust anything in myself in those matters. And I shut out ANYONE who evidenced the slightest bit of personal interest. (I am talking a quarter of a decade of avoidance here). I'm sure I came off quite rude and aloof to guys who I thought wanted something from me but were just being nice and friendly. Never occurred to me that they were just human beings with a genuine interest in other humans (and I'm a human).

 

I didn't mysteriously 'attract' the attention of this person and just because he voiced it MEANS NOTHING ABOUT ME PERSONALLY. He does not know of my history with men, none of them did. This is huge for me. I am trying to build a life I can sustain without my demon thoughts driving me to despair, depression and meds. I often hate myself because i am so self-centered in the face of other's suffering over greater problems than mine. I want to be well and happy and recovered already. But I get little insights like this and the world suddenly changes. In the midst of forcing myself to eat something, cleaning up my hoardy mess, knitting a crappy scarf, walking the dogs, watching the sameness of my days play out, sh1t like this happens and I feel I am getting a little of 'Know Thyself'. (That's what this is, right?)

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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A win on so many levels!

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Thanks Meimei!!!!!!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I often hate myself because i am so self-centered in the face of other's suffering over greater problems than mine. I want to be well and happy and recovered already.

 

I get this too, waves of self hatred because I'm not always able to be the self sacrificing, compassionate, caring person that our culture insists that adult women are supposed to be.  But the reality is, our physiology is primarily designed for survival first and it really doesn't matter if someone else might be in a worse situation than we are, if for whatever reasons our body is suffering from stress and anxiety and we already don't have a sense of safety or stability, I think its close to impossible to just shut off those primal survival instincts and focus on someone else.

 

I like the metaphor of the oxygen masks dropping down in a plane, we really do have to take care of ourselves first in order to be of any help to other people.

 

Sounds like you are having some new self insight, I've also spent most of my life being 'attracted' to dysfunctional guys and have recently started to figure it all out.  My recent insight  was "Hey! I don't have to do that any more"

 

Happy you are seeing improvement and thank you for your comment on my thread.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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You're welcome, Petu! I think it is completely fascinating how much we are alike, are you sure we aren't sisters??????

 

That's the thing about 'recovery'. I want this:

 

 

able to be the self sacrificing, compassionate, caring person

 

and I want it now already. And in trying to get there I get the other, the insight. While I am waiting for my oxygen mask to pop down. You are right, we have to help ourselves first and right now I just don't have anything to give to someone else.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Been sitting here for 5 minutes staring at this blank 'posting window' and I can't do it. I want to write something witty and charming and helpful to come out and there's nothing but a big ball of fear or dread. I am just not 'myself'. From the beginning of this week to today, I am just not the same person 'inside'. My term for this is I feel my mind 'curling up around the edges'. Such a drama queen! Depersonalization and de-realization. I am hoping really really hard that this is 'neuro-emotion' and it will pass. I can't even remember the 'me' I was when I read through some of the postings I made this week.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I know the feeling CW, I feel exactly the same; but I have to admit, that even hellish, I've seen some improvement.

 

"This too shall pass"

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Alex look at you!!!!! What was it, a week ago and you were so feeling bad that you felt your life was in danger???? I've seen your posts in other topics, you are reaching out and connecting and now are at a place where YOU can offer comfort to others! 

 

I hope you get how happy I am to see this and if you can't see the improvement, I'll fly down there and bop you over the head with it! (oh, wait - you did say it was an improvement!)

 

Yes, it too shall pass and the 'unreal feeling' is not something I am having to 'sit' with constantly and I am so grateful for that. It is just another sign that I am 'not finished yet', some memories came back that I was not expecting and all this insight, the psychological healing that goes along with the physical, has to be 'integrated' into my understanding of myself. Just way too much happened in the space of a few days.

 

Thanks again for your note!!!!!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 I can't even remember the 'me' I was when I read through some of the postings I made this week.

 

I get this experience a lot, and even when I read back through my personal journal.  Its like......'who wrote that?'

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Member

And I just had another while I was commenting in your thread, Petu. Weird.......

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Member

I am very nervous about something I am doing. I am reading a book. Please Lord, don't let me get sick again from reading a book. This is the memory that came back to me after all the weirdness that happened this week. The actual sequence of events, the chronology, is cloudy. Just the pieces are there. In the time before I became profoundly depressed and sought help, I had the weirdest experience while reading a book by a Christian mystic. Like I fell into some bizarre spell. I thought I was having a 'spiritual experience' and later convinced myself I was severely depressed and started taking medication. We all know how well that worked out for me.

 

Some recent reading started me thinking about that time. There are lots of different terms used to describe it (like 'dark night of the soul' and psychosis). I may have medicated away the very thing I was earnestly seeking via meditation and breathing exercises and reading. But I found myself in a place where I could see I was acting pretty nutty and being medicated for 'major depression' seemed like a better choice.

 

So it feels like I am coming around in this circle again. I am reading a book, one of those 'spiritual' ones. It changes people's lives. People say that. I am not in any terrible mental anguish right now, just have a touch of not feeling 'quite like myself' after getting some major insights regarding relationships and crafting and hoarding. There is always some sort of drama going on in my head.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Lots of people have ended up having their spiritual experiences medicated. At least now the DSM has a category for 'religious or spiritual problem'.  What book are you reading, if you don't mind me asking. 

 

When I was in my 20's, I was into Eastern Mysticism, Osho, Krishnamurti (J) and was 'tying' to understand Gurdjieff.  One afternoon, after an intense session of dynamic meditation, I had a HUGE spiritual experience.  My ego disappeared and I had that thing where there are no more boundaries, I became one with everything.  It lasted for days, I had no context for the experience, after a while I became scared, was bouncing between terror and bliss, not sleeping.  My boyfriend and sister got worried and convinced me to go to the doctor, I agreed because I was exhausted.  I remember taking two strong sleeping pills and having them do nothing.  Long story short, I ended up in hospital with shot of some heavy duty meds in my butt.  The worst part about it was that I knew I'd had a spiritual experience and that it was a result of the meditation, but of course the western psychiatrists just saw me as crazy, didn't listen to a word I said, in fact, they fabricated some things.  Years later I got my medical records, it was quite a shock.

 

I just wanted you to know you're not alone in having this kind of thing happen and its never too late to pick up the spiritual path.  Just keep yourself grounded, take it slow, become part of a spiritual community.  You live in the States, they are everywhere over there aren't they?

 

I know what you mean about being nervous because of what happened before.  After my horrendous experience, I gave up the spiritual path and dedicated myself to trying to be 'normal'.... didn't work very well though.  I think I ended up on antidepressants partly in an unconscious drive to keep my truth seeking in check.

 

There is an amazing series of youtube videos called 'bipolarorwakingup' by a guy called Sean Blackwell.  He had a spiritual experience after attending a weekend workshop and also ended up in hospital.  He made a youtube channel, wrote a book, ended up marrying a psychologist and they work together trying to educate western medicine about spirituality.

 

There is also a good web site called batgap.com.  Stands for buddha at the gas pump.  Weekly interviews with 'ordinary' awakened people, that's good for keeping your feet on the ground as you evolve spiritually.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Member

Petu, you are a lifesaver!

 

I am so overcome with emotion, just to know that someone else has had the same experience. It's that 'Power of Now' book. It seems that in the space of a few days I saw/heard mention of it in several unrelated places. The Christian mystic book years ago was 'The Cloud of Unknowing'. I threw that book away.

 

I had those earth-shaking (for me) revelations about the crafts and men that came about from thinking on them more deeply, not in the same old ruminative way. And then actually DOING something (giving the stuff away) and the surprising result of that. Then all the weirdness during that dog sit I just finished. Like the dog was having a mini meltdown (and maybe I was too). If you search this board for 'usb ports' there was a poster (Karma I think) who described something that seemed to fit the craziness of what was happening. The day those people came back their A/C quit working and the pool filter was broken. (Part of that story is in an Off Topic post I made about 'Mindfulness'). The world I am living in got just plain weird and I could not make any sense of it and my actions in it.

 

These are psychological changes that I think are going on. According to what I think I know about psychology, they have to be integrated into 'me' and then they won't cause me to feel so strangely about myself. (What a load of crap THAT sentence is!) But it's the closest think I can think of at the moment.

 

During my shower this morning (and after reading some more of that book) it came to me that I DON'T have to read it. If meditation and reading spiritual books and the concept of 'religion' and 'spirituality' and my thinking about my past history with those concepts are SCARING me and causing some feeling of 'depersonalization and derealization' that is overwhelming, then I don't have to do them. If my determination to stop worrying about the future and instead concentrating on what is in my 'present' (like cleaning up the house) is causing all of this, well it is what it is.

 

I was so INTO all of that stuff years ago. I know I posted this somewhere before, it's something I heard:

 

Before 'Enlightenment': Chop wood and carry water.

 

After 'Enlightenment': Chop wood and carry water.

 

I was so hurt and disappointed when I 'got' that 'enlightenment' wouldn't change anything, I wouldn't become wealthy, find my soul mate, be a spiritual being walking on water. But I kept trying anyway.

 

Now all I want to do is 'chop wood and carry water'. In a neater house and without the compulsion to buy every color of something in the craft store. I don't have a compulsion to buy much of anything right now. I worked on the house a bit yesterday and will do so today. If I get restless I'll do my crappy knitting (mine is a lumpy blue rectangle I call a SCARF) or take a walk. But I am going to stop reading that stuff. Just thinking of the concept of 'being in the now' and 'mindfulness' was involved in all of that weirdness somehow. I didn't have to read a book for the concept to have meaning. I 'felt' it for those moments.

 

Thank you, Petu. I feel so much better hearing someone else had the same sort of experience. I felt so funny about posting it but I had to get it out. I'm glad I did.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Petu, you mentioned something else. I saw that (about the religious/spiritual problem) was somewhere in the DSM (the older version?) and tried to see if it was in the new one and could not find it. But you know what I read is in the 'new' one that struck me as weird? 'Hoarding' and 'Internet Gambling'. Wonder what 'treatments' are suggested. ADs, benzos, talk therapy and whatever else is in the psych arsenal (which seems to be a lot of MEDS)?

 

I think I'll just keep working on my house. I've had enough meds, thank you. Pass me the trash can and the 'donate' box.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Member

And thanks for 'batgap'. I'm reading it now. It's just what I want: I want to just READ about others' stories of 'awakening'. I crave the stories. I am entranced when I read postings here where others describe their experiences, just like you did.

 

Maybe 'entranced' is the wrong word. More like: the more I read the more I realize that I am not such an oddball as I tend to think I am.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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You're welcome, I love that site, there are some amazing stories there, I think I have watched all the videos and there are a lot. It was through that site that I learned of a spiritual teacher called Adyashanti.  For some reason, his story resonated with me. I ended up getting a couple of his books and watching his videos on youtube.  I like listening to other people asking him questions and talking about how screwed up they have become since starting to awaken, apparently its perfectly normal.  Integration can take a while.  Didn't Eckhart Tolle spend most of his days just sitting on a park bench for about 10 years after his awakening?

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Member

The story about Tolle says he spent 2 years sitting on a park bench. That was one of the nutty things I remember doing, just sitting. The time is really hazy in my mind. All I remember is some deep feeling of 'surrender' inside me. It's a moot point now (whatever it was that happened.....)

 

I don't want my life to go like that right now, especially while my mom and I are sharing the house and I do all the driving and shopping. You know what I mean, I don't want to 'lose it'. And it may never happen again. But I can't prevent these insights that have been happening, the ones about compulsively collecting craft supplies and being afraid of relationships with men. The stuff just comes, like the idea of getting rid of old projects instead of saving them till I get better, and boom! Something 'shifts' inside me.

 

I started feeling really uneasy inside this morning, even after the relief of reading your note. I was reading some of the bios on batgap, not the videos, and I'd go to some of the people's websites. I had to just turn off the computer. I made the mistake of taking one of the hydroxyzine and it made me feel worse. I can only assume that as things like these keep happening, it will cause an unsettled feeling until everything gets integrated. Either that or I'll just chalk it up to neuro something and so what I can to get past it. Too many strong emotions in a short amount of time, I'm feeling drained.

 

I am so glad you took an interest and shared your experience with me!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I don't want my life to go like that right now, especially while my mom and I are sharing the house and I do all the driving and shopping. You know what I mean, I don't want to 'lose it'.

 

I know exactly what you mean, we have to keep our 'feet on the ground' because we have responsibilities in the real world.  Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to move into a cave on a mountain, living off bugs and meditation. :wacko:

 

Part of the integration process (I think) is learning how to keep everything in balance - mind, body and spirit.  Like you wrote, there is the insight and then a subtle shift on an energetic level, but someone still has to make dinner, so we are back to chopping carrots and carrying them to the table.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Member

I felt really, really bad this morning. Some stuff happened. I felt better. Came home and logged on to write about it. Got lost in reading others' postings. Logged off and did a search for something Petu mentioned above. Read this:

 

http://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=writings_inner&writingid=25

 

The day went from 'bad' to something weird. I have no idea what is going on.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Sorry you are having a bad day too, mamma hugs for you and thank you. xxx

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Thanks mammaP!

 

In one of your postings you talked about living on a working farm and I had a moment of longing for what I imagined that would be like. I am sure not as 'romantic' as I pictured, but it would be 'not here'. Flat, ungodly hot and humid sometimes, not at all like the state I grew up in. Winters are better and we don't shovel snow here. Whenever I smell the smoke of a wood fire in cooler weather here, I get such pangs of longing and intense memories of other times and places.

 

The strangest thing happened today. I went to a friend's house to help her get a post up on Cr@igslist to find homes for a couple of her dogs. Normally, I can come up with catchy 'ad' copy to make the postings interesting and catchy. My mind was a complete blank and I seemed to be at odds with what she wanted it to say. But I deferred to her, we got the stuff posted and I left. I haven't been able to put a name to the 'bad' I was feeling, like a lot of heaviness in my chest with anhedonia, apathy, and 'this does not feel like my depression' swirling around.

 

On my way back, I went to the vet's office and dropped off a couple of the ads I did, left some of my business cards for my pet business (have been wanting to do that but strangely NOT wanting to do that) and had a great conversation with the lady I know there. Told her about the little dog having a meltdown and she laughed. Stopped at the store on the way back too.

 

Its been on my mind a lot that I'm still not very hungry, not able to take any supplements, and my palpitations are still occurring. Someone here mentioned that when their body seemed to crave 'junk food' they gave it junk food. What I wanted was oranges, whipped cream and 'M@gic Shell'. The cashier and bagger were lively girls I'd guess to be 20's. The bagger exclaimed she'd heard of magic and I told her what it was and how to use it on ice cream. She also complimented me on my earrings. I collect them from thrift stores and make a lot of my own. This morning, as I was rooting thru the earring drawer, I had spied them and put them on and had a thought pop into my head that if someone asked me about them I would give them to them. (I gave away a pair to a girl months ago that she admired). I have been putting on earrings almost every day and not having such a thought, and didn't have it before the first giveaway.

 

As I took them off I asked her if she wanted them and she said "Totes!" What??? "Totes! Totally!" I handed them to her, assured her I didn't have any diseases but she should clean them with alcohol anyway, and told her about the thought I had had when I put them on hours earlier. We both agreed it was weird. She was thrilled to get them. I don't even want to think about how strange it might have seemed. I don't want to be labeled 'crazy', a crazy old lady.

 

As I walked out the door to my car my mind finally caught up with me and I realized that during the exchange I had felt a subtle 'pop' in my chest. Sure enough, when I checked, the 'heavy' feeling was gone. I had the same thing happen way back when I first found SA, it came during a dramatic moment in a movie.

 

I do not understand any of this. I never remember reading anything about such sensations and feelings. I am not on a 'spiritual path'. I couldn't even read anything more on that site I found earlier (another one about 'enlightenment', they are all over the place I see now. Everyone is enlightened but me). I really think it was the magic shell. Wow, did it ever taste good!

 

.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Thanks Tezza,

 

You made me giggle: I don't think anyone has ever called me 'cool'! (Now what I think in my own mind is a different matter).

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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How did your depression morph in to a nearly catatonic state?

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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I have no clue. It was way back in the beginning, I think I had been taking Zoloft, again. I started feeling like I couldn't move, all I could do was lie on my side in bed, couldn't even cry. I had a distinct physical feeling like that of a hand grabbing my cheek and pulling downwards. Couldn't lift my head. My nursing training told me that depression shouldn't look like this, something else was seriously wrong and I didn't know what to do.

 

I went to the mental health clinic and sat for hours this way, all hunched over, till the Dr. could finally see me. I begged him to please help me. So they gave me some Cymb@lta samples and I took one before driving myself home. Would you believe, it was less than 4 hours later (I looked at the clock!) I felt a subtle 'lifting' in the depression. I was later told this was impossible, it doesn't work that quickly.

 

Dutifully took my new med, the dose got increased. Lamictal was added to the mix too, when things seemed not to be working. A little clon for the irritability (that manifested in road rage while being tailgated) I attributed to the cymb (because that's what the product circular for cymb said: irritability is a side effect), and for sleep (because the product circular said: yada yada). My pdoc thought my ideas were sound when I presented them to her. (The original prescribing doc is no longer there).

 

Got pretty doggone functional after a time. Started 2 businesses for myself because I had never been able to 'keep a job'. And then everything changed when I ran out of my medication. Found SA.

 

The end. (no wait, it isn't, I'm still here) (I am not recovered yet, am I? it's too soon....)

 

PS. I am still mystified as to why I was given cymb in the first place. All I can think is that it was a relatively new drug and I hadn't ever been on it. Sometimes 'throwing more meds' at the problem seems to work. Until it doesn't.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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