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bubble: tapering off Lexapro and Xanax


bubble

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Hi bubble 

im so sorry you are in such a bad wave with all these horrible symptoms. Something that is meant to help with pain shouldn’t trigger it is so cruel. I wish you better and a window to open for you very soon. Hang on, minute by minute, hour by hour, it will get better. 

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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Hi Bubble, I am so sorry to hear you are in such an awful wave.  Sending healing thoughts that peacefulness will return to you soon.  You are a true warrior and will get through this challenging time all the stronger for it.  Hugs 🤗  

Current Prescription Drugs for Hypothyroidism:  Synthroid 100mcg / Cytomel 5mcg (15 years Pristiq/Effexor)

Tapering Schedule
September 15, 2016 - switched from Pristiq 50mg to Effexor XR 75mg; November 10, 2016 - reduced to 67.5 Effexor XR
December 9, 2016 - reduced 60.75
January 5, 2017 - reduced 54.67
January 30, 2017 - reduced to 49.0
February 20, 2017 - reduced to 44.0 
May 20, 2017 - reduced to 40.25 (holding for additional month due to late onset of withdrawal symptoms after this taper)
July 17, 2017 - reduced to 38.24
August 15, 2017 - reduced to 37.5 (50% of my original dose)

October 15, 2017 - reduced to 35.6

November 12, 2017 - reduced to 33.8
December 15, 2017 - up-dose to 35.6
December 28, 2017 - up-dose to 37.5

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Hi Bubble,

I am reading about your wave and hoping you feel better soon! <3

-D

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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1 hour ago, bubble said:

I just couldn't believe it that it could all be caused by a local anesthetic for a dental intervention (as I now found containing epinephrine/adrenalin. Although my dentist claims in a negligent amount (enough to make me numb and not feel the pain of a badly inflamed nerve :( and claiming it doesn't 'get in the body' - whatever he means by that...)

 

Oh Bubble, I'm sorry to hear about your wave and the dental work. 

 

I am extremely sensitive to Novocaine (epinephrine)  and your dentist is so wrong about it. There are online articles about the problems associated with it for people who have blood pressure issues, as just one example, and I'm sure there are more articles on PubMed related to other conditions (if you need anything scientific to take to your dentist):

 

Cardiovascular Effects of Epinephrine in Hypertensive Dental Patients: Summary

 

I used to be able to tolerate  epinephrine before withdrawal, but now I have to have Carbocaine instead. I don't know if that's an option for you in the future, but wanted to share that with you. I've had a crown and several fillings replaced in the past two years (they fell out during my cold turkey / rapid tapers). I haven't had any problems with Carbocaine. It wears off faster than epinephrine, but my dentist simply gives me another injection of Carbocaine and he continues working. So far, my waves after dental work have been minimal. 

 

I think there are even more alternatives to epinephrine than Carbocaine, so it's definitely something worth researching for any future work. 

 

 

1 hour ago, bubble said:

It will pass.
Let the sun rest on your face
And before you know it
It will pass
Like the flowers that were here this spring
These golden leaves will pass too
Just endure
And you will be blessed with their return
And so will peace be restored to you.

 

Wow, this is incredibly beautiful, Bubble. I hope you write a book of poetry. This really made me feel better and relax just reading it. :)

 

I hope you feel better soon. 

 

 

 

Edited by Shep

 

 

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Hi bubble, so sorry about your wave.  You are such a strong individual I am certain you will overcome this and this dreadful wave eventually will lift .  

 

I am currently at work but will write more later tonight .  

 

Lots of hugs

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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Bubble, 

 

I'm over here "waving" at you from my wave.  I hope we both feel better soon.  This process sucks!

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Oh Bubble, so sorry you are feeling so bad. Sending you healing and peaceful thoughts......lg

Lex  4.3mg,  3/2/18  Ativan ,5 mg,  lunesta 2 mg , toprol  25 mg                                                            

 

Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta 

jan 22 2019- 11 mg V

jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. 

    Hold taper

july 5- 10.72 V

July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad

july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 

              25 mg toprol

 

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Thank you for sharing how you have been feeling.  You are such a brave, strong person and an inspiration to all of us here.

 

Will be thinking about you. 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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Bubble - so sorry you are suffering badly after dental work.

 

The poem is beautiful.

 

Get well soon.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

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1 October was actually my 4th anniversary of finding SA.

 

I'm not doing particularly well at the receiving end of support and it's easier for me to give than receive (and I'm far from proud of that). But it takes practice and I was deeply moved by all your support. It exemplified in the best possible way how much this board has meant to me over the years after spending over 15 years on my own dealing with numerous withdrawals and not knowing what was happening, totally alone and isolated.

  

13 hours ago, Scorpio said:

Hang on, minute by minute, hour by hour, it will get better

I know things are very hard for you Scorpio but you have developed some great strategies of how to cope with our situation and a great attitude. Although I often write these very same words to others, when it comes to my own battle, I often forget them. This was so very helpful! So simple and so powerful: I just have to focus on minutes and hours  and not fear the overall picture... Thank you very much for offering support.

 

12 hours ago, baroquep said:

will get through this challenging time all the stronger for it

Thank you so much for reminding me of this Baroquep. You are a great example of how the period of suffering can be transformed into a period of learning and growing in strength and wisdom of acceptance. I enjoy reading your messages of support and encouraging across over the board and find them very helpful myself.

 

12 hours ago, DMV64 said:

I am reading about your wave and hoping you feel better soon! <3

Thank you for stopping by DMV. I'm happy to see you are beginning to settle among us and gaining support and information for your journey towards healing.

 

12 hours ago, Shep said:

your dentist is so wrong about it.

Thank you dear Shep. I just didn't do the research before I went although I was well aware of the risks. The dentist will do what I say. It was just the first of 3 visits (and I'm afraid the same procedure will have to be repeated for yet another tooth). I didn't say that I'm taking these drugs (I still feel very uncomfortable doing it, which is stupid :( But I don't think saying I'm withdrawing from a benzo and an SSRI would make any difference except extend to me all the prejudice that come with the label and discredit me and lead to dismissal of my claims as it happens with 'psychiatric patients'. The interesting thing was that he tried to persuade me why reaction was caused by my fear of the dentists. He tried to explain it to me that I produced much more adrenalin in my body just approaching the practice than it  was contained in the local anesthetic (that even without revealing myself as a person obviously 'suffering with nerves'). We however agreed that he will use that 'less efficient' version next time.

 

13 hours ago, Shep said:

I hope you write a book of poetry.

Honestly Shep my healing will be best measured as my ability to write (including bad poetry :) I would so much like to do it. It meant so much to me before the drugs came and turned me into an insensitive and unfeeling zombie. So the fact that I was actually able to write that shows that my baseline has improved. This is exactly how my nature/poetry feeling used to work: I was always turning to nature for healing and soothing and then connect my inner states with the mindful observation of the states of nature. That used to be my mindfulness practice well before I heard about the trem.

 

13 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Hi bubble, so sorry about your wave.  You are such a strong individual I am certain you will overcome this and this dreadful wave eventually will lift .  

Thank you so much Blondie. You can understand what it is like to go though all this and be at work (or know you have to go to work and do things like going to a marathon with a smashed leg..) Honestly, I just can't hear it enough that it will pass and it will lift. And as you know, every time is like the first time so it is just so helpful to be reminded that it ends.

 

13 hours ago, apace41 said:

I'm over here "waving" at you from my wave.  I hope we both feel better soon.  This process sucks!

I follow your journey and I really hope we both feel better soon! I like it when you say that it sucks because it really, really does :) It's so long and it's so painful and all we have is feeling bad and feeling even worse. And just shrinking our world and our activity and then when we think we can't shrink it any more or any further, we are just forcefully pushed to even less ground. So it's good to let this frustration out!

 

13 hours ago, Quest said:

So sorry you are feeling badly.  Much healing to you

12 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Oh Bubble, so sorry you are feeling so bad. Sending you healing and peaceful thoughts......lg

I know how badly you are struggling. And I wonder how it feels for you to see that others are struggling too (even those people who advise you and support you). It's such a beautiful platform here which allows us to hurt (and be needy) and at the same time support others. No matter how hard things are for any of us we are a reminder to each other that we can and will endure.

 

12 hours ago, wantrelief said:

Thank you for sharing how you have been feeling.  You are such a brave, strong person and an inspiration to all of us here.

 

 

Thank you for stopping by with such nice message. As you can imagine, I don't feel brave or strong or inspiring. I want to hide like a mouse, I want to cry and be helpless and I think it is very important to let myself go through this. I feel very blessed that I was able to cry and despair in the presence of my husband yesterday and that he provided me with a supportive presence as opposed to getting upset himself and trying to do something to make me snap out of it or do something to make it stop. Most often that's all we need: to have somebody be with us when we are hurting and let us be.

12 hours ago, Flowers said:

The poem is beautiful.

 

Get well soon.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

Thank you for stopping by Flowers. And I'm very happy you liked my little attempt of a poem. I follow your journey and find inspiration in your endurance. It is far from easy but we are doing it. Love to you too xxxx

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Wishing you good healing bubble.

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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Dear Bubble , 

I'm so sorry about your dentist experience and it bringing in such a bad wave .... The last thing our nervous systems need is adrenaline.....

your poem is beautiful a nd you are a wonderful writer... I hope you find the self confidence to knwo that this is true, and even if you don't , don't stop writing.....

 

i too too ahve had to have a lot of dental work this last year . Myblastvappointment was mid August and I had a huge filling .... Now I'm thinking about it I wonder it contributed to my total crash . I was so ill afterwards . 

I do ask fro no epinephrine , but he I jested so much anaethesia into the site and I really felt how toxic it was for my sensitive body . 

I have another one that I am putting off . I'd almost prefer a painful tooth at this point than the aftermath. 

 

I wish you you speedy healing from this setback . 

And you deserve all the praise and support you are given here . 

Maresat ❤️🙏🏻🌺

Feb 2015 - 1 st Xanax for anxiety 1/8th mg X prn 2.5 mg ambien night 6- 900 Gabapentin RLS (GPn15 yrs) 2015 - CT steroids Sept 2015- started daily benzos , Xanax 1/8-1/4 mg and Ativan .5 mg after life trauma/900 gabapentin nightly
Dec 2015- klonopin for panic. Dropped Ativan and ambien ,.125-.25 mg Xanax plus .25 to .5 mg Klonopin /Jan 2016- dropped Xanax , WD hell! Feb 2016- wanted off klonopin,Mar 16 to May'16- crossed to 10 mg Valium from.375 mg k /March17-390 GPN June -360 GPN - 8mg V,  june 7.93 mgs V stability gone ,very sick /9/6/17- cross to .40 K in one day - WDs /K better than V / VERY unstable /using dry pills and scale to measure doses . 9/20 -1mgV/.35K. 9/24 -2 mgs V/ .30 K

gabapentin-360 mgs night 

 

 

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Hello Bubble,

I have not "been" on the site in the traditional way, in almost a month, rather, I have private messaged Scorpio--just something we started one day and seem to keep doing so no public sharing, however, with that, I wanted to let you know that when I read your words, it is as if you can see inside my soul.  (if that's not too melodramatic.} You are a gifted writer with great ability to make others feel comforted and safe.  My life is absolutely upside down at the moment, not including the withdrawal, and when I have the where with all to look look at posts, I often see yours.  

I just wanted to say, thank you for all the encouragement you give and also that I am so truly sorry for you suffering.  May you soon find relief.

take care,

JS11

26 years of Anti-depressants (probably 32, lost track, alone and/in combination Vyvanse 30mg Discontinued Feb. 22, 2013 Topamax  25-75mg Feb 23, 2013--Feb 2016 0.0 mg Discontinued  Lamotrigine 25-50mg Jan 15, 2016-Adverse Reaction Discontinued Feb 2, 2016 T3 25-50mcg Feb.11, 2016  Discontinued April 23, 2016

Escitalopram 20mg-omg fast taper Nov. 2015-Jan.7, 2016 Crash! Reinstated 20mg  Taper Jan 14, 2016  0.0mg Sept 2016 Reinstated Feb.21, 2017 Escitalopram  5mg Dosage Adjustments  Escitalopram to 2.5mg June 28-30; Increased to 3.75mg July 1-28, 2017    July 29-Aug 4 10mg, alternated between 5 and 10mg next couple days.  Aug 9, 7.25mg;  Aug 10-14 10mg; Aug 15-25 7.25mg, August 25-29, 10mg.   

Levofloxacin (January 2017 2 doses) (Adverse Reaction: Neurotoxcity; 3 daysE.R.$30k+tests)

Adderall 25mgXR (start April 23, 2013) (Nov.2016 20mg) (Dec.2016 15mg) (Feb. 5, 2016 10mg) (June 15, 2017) 5mg XR 

Crossover July 7 to Adderall I.M 5mg Discontinued  Reinstated Adderall 5mgXR  July 28th 

Minipress 1mg began July 20-23, 2mg July 24 last dose Discontinued  (Prescribed to assist with side-effects of updose of Escitalopram) WellbutrinXR 150 mg July 24, 2017 Discontinued;  Hydroxyline 25-200 mg daily, began July 20, Discontnued; (Prescribed for side-effects-sensitized; W/D)Gababentin 100mg August 28, 8/29: 00mg, 8/30/17 100mg discontinued (Prescribed for side-effects of sensitized, W//D)Zolipidem PRN (2.5mg.) Reinstated May 15, 2017 after18m+ discontinuation Between May and  Aug18-Aug 30, 2017 Discontinued

Aug. 30. 2017 Escitalopram 8.2mg, Sept. 6 Ecitalopram (7.25 tablet) September 28 Escitalopram   (7 mg tablet)   Omega 3's , October 1 Escitalopram (6.25...I think)  November 1, Escitalopram (approx. 5.75mg) December 1 (5mg)  Missed .75 for few days, lowered dose.  W/D ramped up Dec.23;  Escitalopram 4mg tab. .75ml liquid March 5.  Adderall XR 5mg, Synthroid 112mcg  March 23 Escitalopram 4mg tab .50ml liquid.April 23 Escotalopram 4mgtab .25ml liquid Escitalopram dropping .25 every 30 days; July 23, 2018 Escitalopram 3.50mg, Adderall XR 5mg, Synthroid 112mcg 

July 2021:  Took last dose of Escitalopram .02mg.  Do dah!

Current:   Synthroid/Generic 100mcg decreased November, 2018  (TSH has changed 5 times since August 30, 2018 resulting in both Hyper and hypothyroid symptoms.)  November 1, 2018, increased Adderall XR to 10mg to combat brain fog after decrease in Synthroid.

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

This one month has been brutal. I think I'm beginning to experience windows of calm and clarity here and there and feel more human. Sometimes I can't believe all this could be caused by a local anesthetic with adrenaline in it but it seems this is the case.

 

Now I'm at a stage with strong mental nausea, very low energy and motivation but managed to go to work on Friday after 2 weeks off. I think it  did me good because I quickly start thinking how I have slipped into the world of disability with no possibility of return. Every time I'm hit with waves of such intensity it feels I won't be able to work (maybe not ever again but in such a long time that it will feel forever). I just tried to see this period as a period for practicing radical acceptance and other self-soothing techniques. 

 

I want to copy here I few posts that I came across in DrugSlave's thread which describe how I have been feeling most of the time over those 4 years (and basically almost 20 now):

 

Everyone seems to say this: On relatively good days, you feel like all the coming days will be the same. On bad days, you feel like every day will be bad. I find this as well. On relatively good days, I feel like I can make it to work every day. On bad days, I don't know how I managed to drag myself to work in the past. I can't even imagine it.

 

Last year I felt the same as I do now but I did a little more. I think I was still trying to live my previous life and was pushing myself more. Now it seems, I've kind of given up on trying to live like I did before and I'm doing less. I went to a concert recently of one of my favorite bands. I LOVE going to concerts. Half of me enjoyed it, the other half didn't. I kind of had fun, I kind of wanted to get the heck out of there. Sometimes I think I want to give up on all outings and social events. Other times I think maybe I should push myself.

 

On 4/26/2014 at 8:27 PM, DrugSlave said:

1. Should I fight through it and work? I don't feel all that welcome anymore, but screw it. I will be get some social interaction, feel good about accomplishing something, being out in the world and I won't have to worry about fighting with disability.

 

2. Stay home? Yes I can work on myself, but I would be even MORE socially isolated. Plus I would have to re-apply with disability insurance and fight those weasels for compensation. Plus if I get turned down over and over, there will be stress over having no income. We are probably ok for 6 months and then we would have to borrow money or something. But maybe it would be good for me, not sure. I could bike, work on the garden, etc. I would have to force myself to socialize more with friends/family. Maybe my GP could send me to a psychiatrist who could fill out the disability forms for mainly depression rather than withdrawal. That might be easier to get approved.

 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Hi bubble

once again thought provoking and beautiful words.  So pleased you feel able to return to work, remember your words to all of us, be kind to yourself. Enjoy the good days and they will multiply and give you those good long windows. The bad days, once again your words, accept - very hard - they will diminish. 

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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13 hours ago, bubble said:

Now I'm at a stage with strong mental nausea, very low energy and motivation but managed to go to work on Friday after 2 weeks off. I think it  did me good because I quickly start thinking how I have slipped into the world of disability with no possibility of return. Every time I'm hit with waves of such intensity it feels I won't be able to work (maybe not ever again but in such a long time that it will feel forever). I just tried to see this period as a period for practicing radical acceptance and other self-soothing techniques. 

 

I'm the same way, Bubble, when it comes to catastrophic thoughts involving employment. One thing that helps is to go back in my mind's eye and remember how I worked through the acute stage of withdrawal and how much easier it is now. And how I made it through many other times of coming on and off psych drugs and then, how much easier it is now that I know the truth about these drugs and have this wonderful support site. 

 

Sometimes, it's in those revelations created by contrasts that I find enough strength to make it through the work day. These revelations take a bit of the weight off my shoulders. 

 

I like how you see this has a "period for practicing radical acceptance". I really like the term "radical acceptance".  It has force and power. Also, it plays into more of an "active role" than a "passive role". You are "doing something", which is a key lesson for holding. 

 

I do think part of the issue is Battle Fatigue from fighting the good fight for so many years. But I'm looking at your signature and how low you've gotten on your drugs and how strong you are with your non-drug coping skills. Lots of progress being made. Please give yourself tons of credit for all you've accomplished and all of the great posts like this one where you share what you've learned. 

 

I hope you recover soon from your dental work and go on to see some baseline improvements. 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Scorpio and Shep, your feedback is very helpful and much appreciated.

 

As the oldest of five kids, I'm used to taking care of others and keeping a brave front and never asking much for myself (the fact that I'm aware of that means that I'm working on changing it. But it is slow and it doesn't happen automatically).

 

12 hours ago, Scorpio said:

remember your words to all of us, be kind to yourself. Enjoy the good days and they will multiply and give you those good long windows. The bad days, once again your words, accept - very hard - they will diminish.

 

So it's really beautiful when I get my own words back, directed at me as the intended recipient :)  Thanks a lot for that Scorpio! I keep an eye on you and Littlegrandma and am very pleased that despite the occasional wave you are doing well overall and continue getting windows.

 

9 minutes ago, Shep said:

I'm the same way, Bubble, when it comes to catastrophic thoughts involving employment.

 

It helps a lot to hear that Shep. Knowing that we are not alone in all this is so very helpful. You know that I quote your experience to myself when I need to challenge myself to do the impossible and unthinkable. I believe the worst is behind you and that miracle of working through such severe symptoms will only get easier and easier. 

 

I think that my situation is different. So far, for almost 20 years and more, I have just pushed myself. I've never been off work as much as I was over this September and October. So it seems my baseline is actually worsening. I've never before had such severe symptoms for so long. Even after cold turkey and reinstatement I wasn't this bad as now. So that is concerning. But I have so much faith in the paradigm of healing that I'm not really freaking out. Although at times over the past two weeks I was hit by horrible despair when I couldn't even think of my narrative. It was all just sheer terror.  Then I shifted into the endurance and survival mode and survived it. 

 

It could be also that I don't want to suffer so much anymore, push myself so that I could give the impression of a functioning person. And it is actually that my circumstances have changed, I got married, my husband got a job so I finally have the opportunity to put myself first. 39 more days and I'm going on a 5 month sabbatical and after that I will decide whether I will want to go back to my current job or I will be able to find something less intense and part time (preferably). I don't see this as a failure but a sign of maturity on my part and not caring about appearances any more.

 

I did 10 minutes of a guided body scan and feel so relaxed, calm, present and clear! And for 2 months I've been doing it every day with my mind racing all over...

 

Oh sure it's battle fatigue. Not only mine but everybody around me is tired, including my GP and my boss. My GP even asked me if the psychiatrist changed my medications (to make me function better). I have to persuade her that my method is working even at times when it is obvious I'm struggling badly and I have to visit her to get time off work and also a psychiatrist to confirm that. This encounter was very traumatising. So I will rather try to find some other way of working than having to deal with such people.  Although at the end of a very unpleasant conversation a psychiatrist I saw for the first time in my life congratulated me on how I manage my case and didn't mention changing the drugs although I did test him by mentioning the actual doses I'm taking. So that was another achievement which didn't feel like one. 

 

And when I came to close my sick leave my GP said I looked more 'cheerful' which was interesting because it means she can tell when I'm feeling better or worse. And then she added that it is ok to try and go to work but if I can't make it I can just come and she will fill in the health certificate. So I've been blessed with having the kind of GP I have and it means the world to me. Still, I will try to see if something else could work better for me...

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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You are an incredibly strong, brave person, bubble, and you have my profound admiration.  

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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2 hours ago, bubble said:

Dear Scorpio and Shep, your feedback is very helpful and much appreciated.

 

As the oldest of five kids, I'm used to taking care of others and keeping a brave front and never asking much for myself (the fact that I'm aware of that means that I'm working on changing it. But it is slow and it doesn't happen automatically).

 

 

So it's really beautiful when I get my own words back, directed at me as the intended recipient :)  Thanks a lot for that Scorpio! I keep an eye on you and Littlegrandma and am very pleased that despite the occasional wave you are doing well overall and continue getting windows.

 

 

It helps a lot to hear that Shep. Knowing that we are not alone in all this is so very helpful. You know that I quote your experience to myself when I need to challenge myself to do the impossible and unthinkable. I believe the worst is behind you and that miracle of working through such severe symptoms will only get easier and easier. 

 

I think that my situation is different. So far, for almost 20 years and more, I have just pushed myself. I've never been off work as much as I was over this September and October. So it seems my baseline is actually worsening. I've never before had such severe symptoms for so long. Even after cold turkey and reinstatement I wasn't this bad as now. So that is concerning. But I have so much faith in the paradigm of healing that I'm not really freaking out. Although at times over the past two weeks I was hit by horrible despair when I couldn't even think of my narrative. It was all just sheer terror.  Then I shifted into the endurance and survival mode and survived it. 

 

It could be also that I don't want to suffer so much anymore, push myself so that I could give the impression of a functioning person. And it is actually that my circumstances have changed, I got married, my husband got a job so I finally have the opportunity to put myself first. 39 more days and I'm going on a 5 month sabbatical and after that I will decide whether I will want to go back to my current job or I will be able to find something less intense and part time (preferably). I don't see this as a failure but a sign of maturity on my part and not caring about appearances any more.

 

I did 10 minutes of a guided body scan and feel so relaxed, calm, present and clear! And for 2 months I've been doing it every day with my mind racing all over...

 

Oh sure it's battle fatigue. Not only mine but everybody around me is tired, including my GP and my boss. My GP even asked me if the psychiatrist changed my medications (to make me function better). I have to persuade her that my method is working even at times when it is obvious I'm struggling badly and I have to visit her to get time off work and also a psychiatrist to confirm that. This encounter was very traumatising. So I will rather try to find some other way of working than having to deal with such people.  Although at the end of a very unpleasant conversation a psychiatrist I saw for the first time in my life congratulated me on how I manage my case and didn't mention changing the drugs although I did test him by mentioning the actual doses I'm taking. So that was another achievement which didn't feel like one. 

 

And when I came to close my sick leave my GP said I looked more 'cheerful' which was interesting because it means she can tell when I'm feeling better or worse. And then she added that it is ok to try and go to work but if I can't make it I can just come and she will fill in the health certificate. So I've been blessed with having the kind of GP I have and it means the world to me. Still, I will try to see if something else could work better for me...

Wow. You are a warrior! 

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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Hi Bubble, 

I hope this day treats you well.

I am trying to reach out to others as life circumstances and the sheer emotional exhaustion they produced have prohibited me from corresponding much with anyone but Scorpio who has been a gem.

It has been difficult for me to articulate some of the happenings in such a public way..I seem to be reverting to a shyness where I so desperately want to talk to others but find I am so afraid....that being said, I so appreciate your words.  They paint a picture I know so well.

The "battle fatigue," you speak of is so true as I feel I have worn out all but the bravest souls who still try to give me encouragement when they are able.

 

Learning to take care of myself has also been difficult as it is my first reaction to care for others, although I don't think I have put on such a brave face.

 

And the catastrophic feelings about employment which you and Shep mentioned are a constant companion...How lovely to have a healing sabbatical.

 

Is there a specific method you use for body scanning?  I have done a few meditations but find I have to force myself to focus and sit still.

Again, 

Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom.

JS11

 

26 years of Anti-depressants (probably 32, lost track, alone and/in combination Vyvanse 30mg Discontinued Feb. 22, 2013 Topamax  25-75mg Feb 23, 2013--Feb 2016 0.0 mg Discontinued  Lamotrigine 25-50mg Jan 15, 2016-Adverse Reaction Discontinued Feb 2, 2016 T3 25-50mcg Feb.11, 2016  Discontinued April 23, 2016

Escitalopram 20mg-omg fast taper Nov. 2015-Jan.7, 2016 Crash! Reinstated 20mg  Taper Jan 14, 2016  0.0mg Sept 2016 Reinstated Feb.21, 2017 Escitalopram  5mg Dosage Adjustments  Escitalopram to 2.5mg June 28-30; Increased to 3.75mg July 1-28, 2017    July 29-Aug 4 10mg, alternated between 5 and 10mg next couple days.  Aug 9, 7.25mg;  Aug 10-14 10mg; Aug 15-25 7.25mg, August 25-29, 10mg.   

Levofloxacin (January 2017 2 doses) (Adverse Reaction: Neurotoxcity; 3 daysE.R.$30k+tests)

Adderall 25mgXR (start April 23, 2013) (Nov.2016 20mg) (Dec.2016 15mg) (Feb. 5, 2016 10mg) (June 15, 2017) 5mg XR 

Crossover July 7 to Adderall I.M 5mg Discontinued  Reinstated Adderall 5mgXR  July 28th 

Minipress 1mg began July 20-23, 2mg July 24 last dose Discontinued  (Prescribed to assist with side-effects of updose of Escitalopram) WellbutrinXR 150 mg July 24, 2017 Discontinued;  Hydroxyline 25-200 mg daily, began July 20, Discontnued; (Prescribed for side-effects-sensitized; W/D)Gababentin 100mg August 28, 8/29: 00mg, 8/30/17 100mg discontinued (Prescribed for side-effects of sensitized, W//D)Zolipidem PRN (2.5mg.) Reinstated May 15, 2017 after18m+ discontinuation Between May and  Aug18-Aug 30, 2017 Discontinued

Aug. 30. 2017 Escitalopram 8.2mg, Sept. 6 Ecitalopram (7.25 tablet) September 28 Escitalopram   (7 mg tablet)   Omega 3's , October 1 Escitalopram (6.25...I think)  November 1, Escitalopram (approx. 5.75mg) December 1 (5mg)  Missed .75 for few days, lowered dose.  W/D ramped up Dec.23;  Escitalopram 4mg tab. .75ml liquid March 5.  Adderall XR 5mg, Synthroid 112mcg  March 23 Escitalopram 4mg tab .50ml liquid.April 23 Escotalopram 4mgtab .25ml liquid Escitalopram dropping .25 every 30 days; July 23, 2018 Escitalopram 3.50mg, Adderall XR 5mg, Synthroid 112mcg 

July 2021:  Took last dose of Escitalopram .02mg.  Do dah!

Current:   Synthroid/Generic 100mcg decreased November, 2018  (TSH has changed 5 times since August 30, 2018 resulting in both Hyper and hypothyroid symptoms.)  November 1, 2018, increased Adderall XR to 10mg to combat brain fog after decrease in Synthroid.

 

 

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Hi bubble

thank you for your kind words. I know it must be so disheartening to have gone through this awful wave from what should have been a procedure to help. Your five month sabbatical sounds like a really good idea and will give you proper free time to practice all the things that help you cope with this bad time. As for work I am in awe that you manage to get yourself to work. I was lucky in that when i started lexapro and had such hard times with it throughout the two years I was able to work from home continuing to keep my same job.  I retired along with my husband on july 31st this year and can honestly say it feels good not to have to worry about commitments that the job entailed. Hopefully you will gain the same benefits. Mind you I seem to have swapped one commitment for another - my grandson but then I love him so not a hardship really. 

Thank goodness the gp seems to be a lot more sensitive and sensible to what you are going through and support from the medical profession is a rare gem of a bonus for you. 

 

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, Bubble,

 

8 hours ago, bubble said:

I think that my situation is different. So far, for almost 20 years and more, I have just pushed myself. I've never been off work as much as I was over this September and October. So it seems my baseline is actually worsening. I've never before had such severe symptoms for so long.

 

If feel that way a lot of late -- that things are going in the wrong direction.  I perceive it as a slow slide that seems to continue.  Rather than 2 steps forward, one step back, it feels frequently like 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  Every slight uptick gets met with a hammer that sends me back down with a new symptom that seems worse.  That may be a misperception as so much is in withdrawal, but it feels that way at least and when I look year over year to where I was this time last year it is inescapable that I am worse off overall (albeit somewhat lower on the medication).  

 

8 hours ago, bubble said:

But I have so much faith in the paradigm of healing that I'm not really freaking out. Although at times over the past two weeks I was hit by horrible despair when I couldn't even think of my narrative. It was all just sheer terror.  Then I shifted into the endurance and survival mode and survived it. 

 

I'm so impressed by you and by this.  I hope you can see how powerful this is and that you have achieved so much by being able to believe that you will heal regardless of all the interim suffering.  Many of us struggle with the ability to truly and honestly believe that and, as a result, acceptance of all that goes before the healing is made so much more difficult.

 

8 hours ago, bubble said:

I don't see this as a failure but a sign of maturity on my part and not caring about appearances any more.

 

This is brilliant and a fabulous sign of inner growth and a deep understanding of what REALLY matters.  This is really such an important thing, Bubble.  So glad you have made it to this place.  I honestly believe that your healing will greatly accelerate on your sabbatical.

 

8 hours ago, bubble said:

Oh sure it's battle fatigue.

 

This term -- one of Shep's favorites -- is so spot on for what this process does to us.  It is, in a word, exhausting to wake up in groundhog day and slog through it all over again.  Trying to find the moments of peace and even happiness in and around the challenges that are brought on by everything from pain, insomnia, anxiety and fear.  The fact that you are handling it with such grace and dignity is truly a credit to your character.

 

8 hours ago, bubble said:

So I will rather try to find some other way of working than having to deal with such people. 

 

It is a huge challenge to deal with people that are supposed to be healthcare providers but who are not aware of the reality of the situation.  It is incredibly triggering to feel like you have to continue to defend yourself because of the ignorance of people who are supposed to know better.  The traumatization and retraumatization can be very difficult and the logical response is to detach from the situation and let it "just happen"  and get what you need from the medical establishment (be it a refill or approval of time off or whatever).  Unfortunately, for those of us who have dealt with derealization, that approach only serves to push you further outside of yourself.  Getting outside of it and finding your way without the system is the ideal to pursue.

 

Bubble, you are doing great and will be successful in this process.  It all takes way too long for most of us, but you continue to inspire.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Gridley and DMV we are all here strong and brave warriors. 

On ‎30‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 7:55 PM, JS11 said:

Is there a specific method you use for body scanning?  I have done a few meditations but find I have to force myself to focus and sit still.

 

Nice to have you back JS. I'm a big fan of calm.com.. They have body scans starting with 3 mins and gradually getting longer up to 30 mins. This is exactky about practicing focus and benefits that occur in the brain while we constantly draw focus to the present. Like any kind of exercising it's best to gradually 'build the muscle'. That's the whole point: that we have to gently force ourselves to focus and sit still :) Took me a while (years) to understand that...

 

Andy I would have lot to say but we had a public holiday and thanks to global warming continue to have sunny and balmy days so I spent 5 hours outdoors and hiked for 11 kilometers which is now making me so sleepy that I will have to defer that pleasure for some other time.

 

I just wanted to post this note about kindling. (So far I have been refusing to read through the topic on kindling). It explains what I'm going through and why things are so very hard very well. It's all those CTs :( 

 

Although I haven't been tapering Xanax for a year now the most pronounced symptoms at the moment are overstimulation, overexcitability, overdrive, total speeding. Just talking to people or focusing on things at work without being able to constantly work on grounding and calming makes me dreadfully overexcited which leads to dissociation and severe DP/DR (which is as close to my idea of losing one's mind as it can get). I almost envy people who have mostly physical symptoms.

 

Although at one point I wrote that my baseline has improved I actually contradict myself when comparing my functioning to a year or two ago: I'm taking this sabbatical because I simply can't work any more (whereas before it would be hard and at times unbearable but I would pull it off. Now I just can't.)

 

Maybe this will get better as I reduce the activating AD... But given 2 months of this wave I can't even think about tapering.

 

Kindling due to substance withdrawal refers to the neurological condition which results from repeated withdrawal episodes. Each withdrawal leads to more severe withdrawal symptoms than the previous withdrawal syndrome. Individuals who have had more withdrawal episodes are at an increased risk of very severe withdrawal symptoms.Withdrawal from GABAergic-acting sedative–hypnotic drugs causes acute GABA underactivity as well as glutamate overactivity, which can lead to sensitization and hyper-excitability of the central nervous systemexcito-neurotoxicity, and increasingly profound neuroadaptions.

 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Bubble,

 

I was just reading about your sabbatical on your thread as well as LG's and wanted to wish you well.  I think we have a lot in common when it comes to pushing, especially with our careers.  You have managed, however, to keep going with your tapers or holding when stress hits and I feel like I have a lot to learn from you as I have continuously updosed in an attempt to remain functional to keep my job/career.  With this last incident I went through, I've realized I need to reevaluate what I am doing with my life as I just couldn't continue doing what I was doing anymore, it just felt impossible like I couldn't imagine one more minute doing what I was doing.  

 

I actually started on an AD when I went back to nursing school at age 34 (I am now 47) to embark on a second career as a nurse practitioner.  Right away the stress hit me and I started to become clinically depressed but instead of listening to my body I just kept pushing through determined to succeed in this incredibly challenging academic program.  In the end, I  have never felt like this career choice - although it wasn't all bad - was really right for me even after 10 years of practice (too stressful in unsupportive work environments) but i still kept pushing trying to make it work.

 

I have since quit that job/career and am trying to stabilize after this latest updose.  Hopefully when stable, I will have my wits about me again to evaluate what I want to do next - or not do.  I too am married now and have more financial support - before I had to keep going to support myself.  So this allows for the possibility of trying out something less stressful. I just wonder if there is such a thing in today's world.  I would like to start tapering again if I can regain some stability - maybe I can succeed this time if I am more careful about keeping stress at a lower level and really keeping up with coping skills which I seem to let go of once I am stable which is a big mistake.  I am really in awe of your ability to get through stressful times using your coping skills and never going up on your meds. This is why you are such a role model for me.  I also realize I don't utilize this forum enough for support during stressful times when it would be beneficial to get support around holding.

 

Sorry for the long post on your thread.  I ended up writing more about me than I intended when my main objective was to tell you that I am so glad you are taking this time for yourself and healing.  I imagine it will be good to be reunited with your husband and to have his in person support.  

 

Thank you for all you do here!

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you very much for sharing your insights Wantrelief. It's much appreciated and these are some very valuable insights.

 

It took me many, many years to take a break rather than take a pill (updose). 

 

I don't think we should blame ourselves about what happened because we did the best we could under the circumstances. Now we both have more maturity and more favourable circumstances to put ourselves first.

 

I will post here what LG's question inspired me to write on her thread.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Bubble, I just read through your thread again today. 

 

I am very happy that you have stabilized and going to drop the dose again. 

 

Wish you have good luck on the next drop and have a nice day! 

 

Rain

2006 October Zoloft 50mg for anxiety.

2013 March Lexapro 10mg for 18 months to 2015 September.

2015 September increased to 20mg for 7 weeks but getting worse. 3rd November dropped back to 10mg

2016 11th November taper to 9mg

2017 3rd March Taper to 8.8mg, then Fast taper start: 10th-8.6mg, 12th-8.2mg, 17th-8.0mg, 22rd-7.7mg, 27th-7.4mg.

April 2nd- 6.9mg (WD start), 19th-6.5mg. Failed one day Cymbalta trial, took back Lexapro, much worse Akathisia torture. Keep holding. 

May 22nd- 6.3mg, June 10th- 5.7mg, Nov- 4.4mg, Dec- 4.3mg,

2018 Jan- 4.1mg 

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Hi Bubble!

Glad to hear you are able to take some time. And always helpful to hear your thoughts! <3

-D

2001- Klonopin 0.125 mg.  2011- increase to 1 mg.  2018- increase to 1.5 mg 

2010- Trials of SSRI's, several.

2011- Saphris 5 mg. CT. 6/2017- retry Saphris 5 mg sublingual, begin taper August 2020 10% taper with scale, and final taper liquid sublingual, August 2019- taper complete!

2011- Geodon 20 mg. Begin taper Sept 2019. 10% liquid taper. 2020: December-5 mg. 2021: Jan-4.5mg. (held Feb.for vacation). March-4mg. Apr-3.6mg. May-3.2mg. June-2.8mg. (Held July for vacation). Aug-2.4mg. Sept.- 2.2mg. Oct. 2mg. Dec 2022 - Taper complete!

2011- Gabapentin 300 mg to present- 2020. Increase 2023 to 400mg.

2014- Vyvanse 20 mg, 2020- Vyvanse 5 mg. Increase August 2022 20mg

2016- Lithium 300 mg, June 2016 - FT.

2017- Cogentin 0.5 mg. June-August 2019- off Cogentin.

2021 - Hydroxyzine 30mg. Holding.

Omeprazole 20 mg and holding, Omega 3's/fish oil, Magnesium

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi bubble, 

 

Stopping by to say hello.  Hope you are doing well 

 

b

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for writing Rain, DMV and Blondie!

 

I'm either feeling too bad or too well to update but managing on average. Hope I will write more about it soon. Writing in my thread feels very grounding so I very much look forward to doing it.

 

After I came online with unprecedented clarity, energy, debth, joy and appreciation of life I overdid it and burnt myself out. This was followed by a very bad reaction to a dental anaesthetic and I felt horrible as ever for a few months.

 

After 9 years of work in my office I think I started feeling saturated but it was always hard to say what was withdrawal and what was a natural process. WD prevented me from looking for a new job and at the same time made the familiar environment important for my survival although that same environment was making me increasingly unhappy.

 

In December I went to Asia to join my husband and was replacing a kindergarten teacher. I loved the experience and plenty of free time I had to work through my WD fatigue and other symptoms. I have another 2 months of the sabbatical after which I'm going back to my office. After that I will gather enough information for my decision on whether to finally leave my safe haven and try to establish myself as a kindergarten teacher in Asia and/or an independent consultunt. 

 

After a 3 month hold I made a 2 % cut and it was very disheartening to see how brutal and debilitating the symptoms were even after the smallest of cuts. The worst hit me after day 10 and manifested in extreme fatigue, flu like symptoms and hypersomnia. I spent most of my days on bed wondering what would I do if I had to go to work (either the kindergarten or the office). For all my working life I had been pushing through horrible WD and wonder if this makes healing take longer than if I could just sleep in bed when I'm crushed with fatigue. 

 

There were of course mental symptoms of extreme anxiety, DP/DR, irritability and anger. There were cognitive symptoms as well when I simply cohldn't remember how to spell the word wolf and various other lapses. They are much more difficult to deal with than any amount of physical symptoms including debilitating fatigue.

 

When we went on a holiday in the southern hemisphere I thought it would be a good time to test whether I can taper a tiny bit faster when external conditions are almost perfect: no external demands, sun and ability to pace myself any way I need. So I made the next tiny cut 3 weeks after the previous one just as it's symptoms abated. The result of that experiment were even more disheartening: the intensity of symptoms tested the upper limits of my endurance.

 

January marked 4 years since the start of my tapering process and in that time I reduced that benzo in my life by 70 %  and the AD by 30 %. Somehow it seems that when I feel better I feel better than ever before but when I feel worse I feel worse than ever before.

 

Due to all this jumping the continents I neglecting my coping skills so I'm yearning to go back to my meditation practice, reading books on healing trauma from growing up in dysfunctional families, doing yoga...

 

I come here every day but as I said I either feel too unwell or too well to post. But I do follow all your stories and struggles. We are coping and enduring. Sometimes with less grace sometimes with more but we are doing it :)

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Hello bubble

 

it is so lovely to see you are back and sometimes able to manage to write. You are such a strong woman enduring such a hard time with w/d but still persevering. 

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, bubble said:

In December I went to Asia to join my husband and was replacing a kindergarten teacher. I loved the experience and plenty of free time I had to work through my WD fatigue and other symptoms. I have another 2 months of the sabbatical after which I'm going back to my office. After that I will gather enough information for my decision on whether to finally leave my safe haven and try to establish myself as a kindergarten teacher in Asia and/or an independent consultunt. 

 

 

 

You amaze me, Bubble. I smiled when I read about you teaching kindergarten. 

 

Have you done a "pros and cons" list to decide what to do? The phrase "I loved the experience" should be a "pro" for being a teacher. And "plenty of free time" sounds like another "pro". 

 

And independent consultant sounds good, too, as you'd be able to take on assignments as you felt able and limit them when you need a long stretch of rest.

 

Sounds like you have some great options to choose from. 

 

 

1 hour ago, bubble said:

January marked 4 years since the start of my tapering process and in that time I reduced that benzo in my life by 70 %  and the AD by 30 %. Somehow it seems that when I feel better I feel better than ever before but when I feel worse I feel worse than ever before.

 

Due to all this jumping the continents I neglecting my coping skills so I'm yearning to go back to my meditation practice, reading books on healing trauma from growing up in dysfunctional families, doing yoga...

 

Those are great percentages - you are making progress. 

 

I think as you add back in all of the wonderful coping skills, you'll feel better and more in control of your taper. 

 

Thanks for letting us know how you've been doing.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 

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  • 7 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I've been making serious plans to update my thread but now I have new developments which pushed the process.

 

In a nutshell, I continued my slow taper, quite symptomatic but pushing and keeping afloat.

 

My last cut was over 30 days ago and before that I had two cuts 2 and 3 weeks apart (some 3 % each). I have had increased symptoms for the whole month following the cut but felt over the last week I was finally stabilising.

 

2 days ago I started feeling strong palpitations, while lying in bed, at various times of day (not really connected with when I take drugs) and it feels like it has been constant! Most pronounced before going to bed, while trying to fall asleep, shortly after waking up (and before taking the drugs), continuing after taking drugs...

 

I've been reading about prolonged QT interval associated with taking Laxapro. I read on the patient leaflet that if it occurs during treatment the drug should be discontinued.

 

I think I'll ask my GP for ECG but fear they will be clueless as usually so would very much appreciate opinion from the community. 

 

I will do my best to copy my symptom log...

 

Maybe it's harmless (I sure hope so) but it's been a bit too constant...

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi bubble,

And hugs.  Good to see you around and about here, when you have time.

 

I think it's a great idea to check on in with your doctor and get the ECG now. 

You may wind up getting the 24 hour test with the Holter monitor too.

 

I had some recent palpitations, with stress though, as well as chest discomfort.......so may do the same as far as getting a good work up goes.  I'm off the Lexapro completely now.......yet, I think it might be a good idea to check out, as I've grown older too, and had quite the A/D and all other drug history.  I think that the risk may still be there, even after the medications.......to some degree.  My symptoms resolved.  Just the same......best to err on the side of caution, eh?

 

I had angina or the chest pain....... years ago.......just once or twice.  It completely resolved though......without anything.

 

So here is hoping for the best and even better.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

p.s. I haven't run across anyone who has been diagnosed with it here.......the prolonged QT interval.   I think KarenB may have had a work up for it.

It is associated with some of the other A/D's as well......listed as a side effect.   So maybe someone will pop on in.

Keep us all posted.

 

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you so much for sharing your experience ManyMore! it is very comforting. It feels good to be back :)

 

It is always extra unpleasant when a new symptom pops up. I got quite a bit reassured after I visited a specialist today on an unrelated medical issue. I mentioned palpitations and she took my BP, pulse and listened to my heart (while I was experiencing palpitations) and it was all normal! Maybe it is one of those WD things which are 'only in our heads'. But she did say to follow it up further. 

 

I also don't remember coming across anyone with QT interval but remember it being mentioned. I will err on the side of caution and risk being deemed (an even greater) hypochondriac (than I am :)

 

How are you doing these days?  

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Hi Bubble, 

 

I started to get palpitations too.  I never had them on lexapro (not that I remember).  I noticed it started last year when I added nortryptoline (silly me) to the mix in hopes of relieving some of the symptoms.  And now since I am going down on it I notice it in the first week or two after I make the cut.  

 

It happens when I lay down/ go to bed.  Basically feels like an increased heart rate or a more pronounced beating pulse.  I am thankful it only happens when I go to bed lay down and try to remind myself it is not dangerous.  Last week I was taking a nap in the middle of the day and I woke up bc of palpitations.  I try to breath slowly and once I got up it went away.  It is very strange.  I however always associated it with nortryptoline but reading your posts makes me wonder 

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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