Sarabellum: Introduction from someone who is SSRI free but struggling

[Sarabellum]

I had taken 25 mg of Zoloft (once a day) for about 7 years. I went off of it when I was twice pregnant then returned to it when I suffered post-partum depression bad enough to be sent to the ER. I went off of it again when I felt it wasn't working. Then shortly after a divorce, I was put on a 30mg of Cymbalta (once a day). I stayed on that for about 5 years. I decided it wasn't doing anything for me and tried to discontinue. Tried.

 

I was suddenly overcome with panic, brain zaps, tinnitus, and suicidal thoughts. It took me a year to step down and even then, I had to take Zoloft to "cushion" the blow before being totally off of Cymbalta. Keep in mind, the entire time I was stepping down I was being told by more than one doctor that I was "not on a therapeutic dose” – this was about managing withdrawal symptoms. I have never felt as bad as I did coming off of these poisons.

 

I took my last dose of Zoloft on June 30, 2013 but I do not feel much improved. My anxiety is quick to explode and I have feelings of underlying panic all of the time. I am working with a therapist in learning CBT but I still feel my emotions are highly excitable and hard to manage.

 

On top of this, I am in menopause. So I am left wondering, is this from the SSRIs or from menopause? Not a single doctor I’ve spoken with can give me an answer.

I would also like to mention, I exercise regularly, I have lost 50 lbs in the past 2 years, and I have greatly reduced processed food from my diet. I have returned to college and hope to earn a degree in nursing. Yet, even with all of this, I am constantly at war with the underlying feeling of dread and fear.

 

I have tried searching the internet for help but I cannot seem to find anything that relates to my situation 

I am deeply concerned I will not recover from whatever this is I am struggling with and I have no hope.

[alex]

Sarabellum, you are suffering from SSRI'S Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome.

You are 6 months off your last dose of Zoloft, that is not too much, not to mention the previous history of SSRI.

People with more experience will give more advice;you have come to the right place.

PWS can last from a few months, to a few years; but don't get discouraged, over time it gets better, I can tell you that, because I've been there.

My advice, hang in there, and don't touch, if you can, any other SSRI.

[Petunia]

Hi Sarabellum,

Welcome to SA and thank you for posting. I'm sorry you are still feeling so unwell after coming off your medication.  As Alex wrote, its possible that what you are experiencing is still SSRI withdrawal, feelings of fear and dread are a common symptom.  Increased anxiety can also be a symptom of menopause.  But seeing as you have been on antidepressants for over 12 years, it wouldn't be unusual to still be having problems after 6 months.

 

Here is some information which explains more about antidepressant withdrawal:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

Are you having any other symptoms?  Do you notice any pattern in symptoms?  During the last 6 months, since you stopped taking Zoloft, would you say in general your symptoms have increased, decreased or stayed about the same?

 

If you could provide a bit more detail about how you tapered Cymbalta and then used Zoloft, that would help to give a clearer picture.

 

CBT can be very helpful when anxiety is psychologically based, but if your nervous system is destabilized from SSRI withdrawal, its not going to be able to fix that.

 

Don't worry, you will recover, it may take a little more time though.  You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

 

 

[Sarabellum]

Thank you Alex and Petu. 

 

I feel as if I am at my wits end. I just don't feel like myself and the situation is exacerbated when something happens to elicit strong emotions. For example, my son had a classmate killed in an automobile accident. He was not close to her but he did know her. The level of empathy I felt for her family is off the charts. It feels crushing. But there are other strange feelings in there I can't really describe. And when I try to explain this to people (especially the medical community) I get looks as if I'm crazy. I am not hearing voices. I am not seeing things. I just have weird sensations and strange struggles with anger that cause nausea, headache, and tinnitus. 

 

These kinds of reactions happen if I feel just the slightest emotion. I get insanely jealous, clingy, and deeply fearful. I cry a lot.

 

It's really hard to find purpose. I question my existence and struggle to find meaning in life even though I have a promising career and family who love me. 

 

I am hoping I can find support here. Thanks again.

[mammaP]

Hi Sarabellum, I'm sorry you find yourself with withdrawal. I think you are 

talking about what we call neuro emotions, you can read about those here 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/137-neuro-emotion/

 

 

This will not last forever, it will get better, it just takes time. 

Have a browse around the forums, you will find a wealth of

information and suggestions with links to much  helpful 

information. Symptoms and self care covers all aspects of

withdrawal and ways to get through it. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

[Sarabellum]

Thank you MammaP. I will definitely look over links you and Silver Star have sent.

[Jemima]

Welcome to the forum, Sarabellum. It would be very helpful to us if you'd post your drug history in the signature area of your profile:

 

How to Add Your Drug History to Your Signature

 

It sounds to me like you're in antidepressant withdrawal, which may very well be, depending on how quickly you went off both Cymbalta and Zoloft.  As Alex said, six months in withdrawal really isn't a long time.  I "tapered" off of Lexapro way too fast nearly two years ago and am still recovering, although my withdrawal symptoms are subtle at this point.

 

What happens when we take antidepressants is that they change the physical structure of the brain and other areas of the central nervous system and even though the drugs may be out of a person's body, those changes remain. Gradually and slowly, the brain begins to right itself, but the repair work seems to happen at random and it takes a lot longer than anyone wants.

 

Don't despair. Things will get better.  In the meantime, please browse the forum and read all you can about this condition.  It helps just to know that you aren't alone and that there are people here who understand what you're going through.

[Sarabellum]

Thank you. I have made some changes.

 

It's interesting... I didn't realize just how long I was on the medications.

[areyouthere]

Welcome…  I like your avatar. Many things that you have posted resonate with me Sarabellum. This forum has been Godsend for me. 

 

I like that you are listening and browsing. Also.. you said, "I would also like to mention, I exercise regularly, I have lost 50 lbs in the past 2 years, and I have greatly reduced processed food from my diet."  and I would like to tell you that these things you should be very proud of doing during such difficult WD.

 

Hang in. RU:)

[Sarabellum]

Hello RU,

 

I think, had I not made the changes in diet and exercise, I would have had a harder time with the withdrawal. Indeed, on the rare occasions I chose to eat poorly, I felt exhausted and my mood took a nosedive. 

What I am truly amazed at (in myself) is that I've managed to stay in college and maintain a 4.0 while dealing with withdrawal. I will say, had it not been for the love and support of my boyfriend and my children, I don't know that I would've stuck with it. I wanted to give up several times and became caustic to their encouragement but eventually, with their help and the CBT lessons, I persevered.

 

I find the story of Sisyphus intriguing - thus the icon. I feel like I spend the bulk of my days pushing a rock up a mountain. The trick is, remembering my emotions are just emotions and do not control me. 

 

Thank you for welcoming me. =]

[Rhiannon]

Thank you Alex and Petu. 

 

I feel as if I am at my wits end. I just don't feel like myself and the situation is exacerbated when something happens to elicit strong emotions. For example, my son had a classmate killed in an automobile accident. He was not close to her but he did know her. The level of empathy I felt for her family is off the charts. It feels crushing. But there are other strange feelings in there I can't really describe. And when I try to explain this to people (especially the medical community) I get looks as if I'm crazy. I am not hearing voices. I am not seeing things. I just have weird sensations and strange struggles with anger that cause nausea, headache, and tinnitus. 

 

These kinds of reactions happen if I feel just the slightest emotion. I get insanely jealous, clingy, and deeply fearful. I cry a lot.

 

It's really hard to find purpose. I question my existence and struggle to find meaning in life even though I have a promising career and family who love me. 

 

I am hoping I can find support here. Thanks again.

 

Sounds very much like withdrawal to me. 

[Sarabellum]

Hi Rhi,

 

It would be nice if someone within the medical community would acknowledge that I am suffering from the effects of withdrawal. I get told, "the medication has left your system long ago - you shouldn't have symptoms of withdrawal anymore. Perhaps you should go back on medication." This frustrates me to no end because when I was on SSRIs, I was told, "you're not taking enough (dosage) for it to be therapeutic." 

 

It's like being on a merry-go-round.

 

I'm also told there are not enough studies done on withdrawal to know the long-term effects. My doctor called Eli Lily and was told by one of their pharmacists that Cymbalta is "difficult" to withdrawal from. I also get told that maybe some of what I'm suffering from stems from menopause. I tried a bioidentical patch (Vivelle-dot) for about a week but when my mood plummeted to a point much like it did in withdrawal, I stopped using it. 

 

I have days where I feel good and think I'm through the storm only to find I was actually in the eye and I'm right back to feeling irritable and fearful. 

 

Does anyone know if the brain can recover?

[Petunia]

Generally, prolonged withdrawal syndrome is not recognized by medicine. You will find very few doctors to diagnose it and still fewer to treat it.

 

Here are some links which may answer some of your questions about withdrawal:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

You have been taking antidepressants for a long time, your body systems have had years to readjust themselves to the environment created by taking medication, now it will take some time for them to readjust to a non-medication environment.  This is just a theory about what is happening in prolonged withdrawal, but it makes sense to me.

 

There are a lot of recovery stories here and on other sites that show that people do recover from antidepressant use, our brains and nervous systems have the ability to heal.  Sometimes it takes longer than we would like.  The fact that you have days where you feel good is a very positive sign of recovery.

 

How long were you taking 25mg of Zoloft for?  Did you taper off 25mg or just stop suddenly in July 2013?

[Sarabellum]

I tapered off of Zoloft as well - by cutting the pills in half. I started cutting the dose in half 6 months before I stopped taking it. 

 

I worked with a doctor while doing this, but she had never dealt with anyone going through SSRI withdrawal. She was sympathetic and tried to help by consulting neurologists, Eli Lily, psychiatrists, and pharmacists, but nobody seemed to know what to advise. We were concerned that the slow discontinuation could actually be exacerbating the situation but we also knew, abrupt cessation caused suicidal thoughts to occur.

 

It was horrible. I had a psychiatrist telling me to go back on SSRIs. I questioned what I was doing. And to be honest, I have moments when the emotions are so out of control, I wonder if I should go back on them to find relief. But, when I think clearly about it, I realize that is not the answer.

 

I have suffered from situational depression and anxiety. I've never really developed the skills to deal with my emotions yet, when I would seek help for this, the only thing I received were prescriptions. I get that people want relief -- I wanted relief. But the root of my issues were never really addressed. This is what I now seek to remedy.

[JanCarol]

Ah, Sarabellum, you live near my old stomping grounds.

 

Another factor to consider in your situation:  while losing weight and exercising have helped you survive these times, many chemicals, toxins, substances, whatnot are STORED IN FAT, so by losing the weight you have "set them free" to wreak havoc in the rest of your system.  50 lbs of old toxins is a large load to deal with!

 

Be patient with yourself, you have come to the right place, there are wise and experienced people here who are exploring a territory untouched by modern medicine.

 

And welcome!  {{{HUGS}}}

[Sarabellum]

Thank you JanCarol.

 

That's good to know.

[Sarabellum]

I have a deep-seated issue with abandonment and after years of therapy, I know I unconsciously sabotage myself (or my relationships) to reinforce the belief that I am not worthy of love.

 

I know this isn't true. I know it's a cognitive error. I don't believe this for anyone yet, here I am struggling with an old demon from my past. I am pretty sure it's withdrawal that is causing this but it's so hard to sort out. There might be one grain of truth in a massive story I created for myself and it's that one grain my distorted brain focuses on. It's as if every little fear that I have been able to manage over the years is coming at me with savage force and I don't know how to stop it.

 

I don't have anyone (outside of the boyfriend) that I can talk with because my friends are scattered across the country. I'm close to driving the boyfriend away because I am obsessing so much over our relationship. I know that my fear of being dumped will cause it to happen if I don't get this under control - and I want to get this under control! I am seeing a therapist and we are working on CBT but we are both wondering if I should go back on medication temporarily in order to provide some peace for me. I don't want to but these feelings of despondency, hopelessness, anger, disassociation, panic, and grief are consuming and I don't know how much more I can take.

 

It's been more than a year since I have not felt angry, anxious, or fearful.

 

And I have so much ahead of me. I am hoping to apply to nursing school in the fall once I get through a couple more courses. Working full-time, dealing with menopause, and going to school is challenging in itself but, my house is in foreclosure, I need to find another place to live very soon, I will have to find another job (because my work schedule will not allow me to take nursing courses during the day), and I have a 20-year-old son with a brain injury who is doing ok on his own but he does not drive yet so I take him to doctor appointments when needed.

 

All of this would be hard enough to handle without withdrawal but here I am, unable to focus, fearful, and angry, trying to manage all of this while worrying I'll be dumped at any moment because I can't get control on what's going on with me.
 

I can't seem to focus on much else other than doom and gloom.

 

Can anyone offer some insight?

[Narcissus]

Hi, Sarabellum.  I'm glad (and also sorry) to have you here with us.  

 

 

 

It's as if every little fear that I have been able to manage over the years is coming at me with savage force and I don't know how to stop it.

 

This sounds so familiar, it makes me sigh.  Withdrawal has resurrected many of my old demons too, some of which I thought I'd laid to rest for good. I think that our inadequacies and fears live on inside us even after we've overcome them, and that when we're overcome by enough stress and fear they're brought to second life.  I don't think this means that we've failed to disarm them, even though it can feel like that.  Before it was the problems themselves that caused us pain, now it's withdrawal making us suffer, filling us with so much suffering that our mind is forced to mold it to old and familiar forms.  I don't know if that makes any sense.  Mostly I just want to empathize and show you that a lot of us have the same fears, which can sometimes make them feel easier to bear.  

 

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, I wish I could somehow pause your life for you until you felt better.  But I guess this sickness is part of our lives too, at least for now.  Hang in there, better things are ahead!

[Sarabellum]

Thank you Narcissus. 

 

What's hardest for me right now is dealing with doctors or people who tell me, "you've been off the medication for almost 7 months. It's out of your system. Maybe this is a sign you need to be on them again." After spending a year trying to get off the stuff without becoming suicidal, I really think the last thing I need is to go back on the stuff. But it is confusing - especially when I'm in the throes of overwhelming emotions. I just want relief.

[Altostrata]

Yes, that's the problem with withdrawal syndrome -- everyone incorrectly assumes it means you have a psychiatric problem that needs to be treated with drugs.

 

In our Symptoms and Self-care forum, we have lots of suggestions about how to deal with symptoms. For example, many people do well with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

[Sarabellum]

Thank you Alostrata.

 

Just to give you a heads up, the link to Chris Kesser (on the Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker page) is no longer available.

 

I will look into the supplements and see if that helps. I'm on the verge of talking to my doctor about benzos to help through the tougher moments. I've never been one to take these but I'm at the end of my rope.

[Petunia]

 I'm on the verge of talking to my doctor about benzos to help through the tougher moments. I've never been one to take these but I'm at the end of my rope.

 

Please be careful, benzos are very addictive and can be harder to withdraw from than antidepressants.  Another thing to consider is that medications can have a paradoxical effect on a destabilized nervous system, making the situation worse.

 

I can no longer take xanax because the rebound anxiety from them, a few hours later is much worse.

 

Perhaps you can find some help in our non-drug methods for dealing with emotional symptoms here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

Part of this process of coming off psychotropic medications is learning how to endure and manage uncomfortable emotional sensations without turning to a pill for instant relief, which is the behavior which got most of us into this situation in the first place.

 

See what Bubble wrote on someone else's thread:

 

 

 

I'm still not feeling as well as you. A 2-week extreme listlessness and total lack of energy has dissipated only to be replaced by increased anxiety and lower quality of sleep. But it was a very, very important period for me of learning how to cope or better to say, endure my symptoms without drugs (no reducing, no increasing, just sticking to the same dosage and the same pattern). It was a near miracle to see the smyptoms come and go irrespective of the drugs! Priceless and breakthrough experience in my battle with psychotropic medication.

 

 

 

Petu.

[MissSerene]

Sarabellum: Welcome to SA; just read your intro and this thread this morning. So much of what you're expressing is also true for me; please know you are not alone.

 

I'm also in withdrawal and approaching menopause. I can tell you with some certainty that fluctuating hormones can GREATLY exacerbate the "neuro emotions" emerging with step-down doses of ADs. I, too, have had old pain and abandonment fear come out and take over during this time. While it's tempting to think that your troubled inner landscape is just "who you are" and needs meds, try not to succumb to this false belief. I can tell from your posts how determined, committed, caring, and intelligent you are, and that you have so much going for you and so much reason for hope. While not a doctor or healthcare professional and can't tell you what is absolutely right...I know it's possible to trust your instincts and hang on through the storm.

 

In fact, just in the last two weeks, I've noticed how much I better I sometimes feel after YEARS of being in the fog. The recuperative powers of the body and mind can be astonishing.

 

Sarabellum, I so get what you're saying about overwhelming emotions, even related to people you don't know well or don't concern you directly. I've been reading about Dialectical Behavior Therapy, designed expressly to help people struggling with this and who wear themselves and others out with their unregulated feelings. So far, it makes eminent sense to me, and I'm optimistic about learning how to respond differently to my emotions. For the first time in my life, it seems possible and doable to learn new coping and living skills. It's both scary and exciting.

 

What a long post! Hope this is encouraging and that you know you are not alone. You've come to a great place.

[Sarabellum]

Petu - Thank you. I will give what you shared with me some serious consideration.

 

I am one who is quite sensitive to medication. I don't even like to take aspirin unless it's severe pain. I'm not highly allergic to medications but I am allergic to codiene and Azithromycin.

 

I did try something akin to xanax a year ago (I forgot the name of the stuff - diazepam maybe?) but it made me feel so terribly numb I threw it away.

 

I had been doing ok but in the past month, I've felt as bad as I did when I intially started tapering Cymbalta. I have to wonder if this isn't partly because of the shorter, darker days. I've never done very well with winter. I haven't been diagnosed with SAD but perhaps it's something to consider.

 

The thought of a lot of people around me is, "you have a lot going on - maybe this isn't a good time to stop the meds." But I believe going back on them only to go off again would be far more damaging to me.

 

I did purchased a bottle of magnesium glycinate today and am hoping that might help. Keep your fingers crossed...

 

 

---

 

 

MissSerene - thank you for your support.

 

It is encouraging to know I'm not alone with this because I had begun to question my own sanity.

 

I've always been a rather empathetic soul. But with the withdrawal and menopause, I feel like I've become something I don't know. Everything feels loud. Not just noise and light but thoughts, too. I just feel so agitated.

 

I will look into DBT. I just began working with a new therapist in CBT after being a participant in a study on CBT.

 

 

.

[MissSerene]

I am one who is quite sensitive to medication.  

 

   

I've always been a rather empathetic soul. But with the withdrawal and menopause, I feel like I've become something I don't know. Everything feels loud. Not just noise and light but thoughts, too. I just feel so agitated.

Sarabellum: I, too, am highly sensitive to chemicals, including coffee/caffeine, alcohol, and even cold medicines. Also very empathetic and tend to feel peoples' pain as if it were my own. I have sometimes felt proud of this latter. But I am learning that this quality can also lead to stress and exhaustion.

 

In Dr. Frank Pittman's book, "Grow Up," he cites the tombstone epitaph of a 29-year-old Englishwoman, Sarah Fletcher. The words get right to how my own emotions can torment me...and it makes me laugh a little, too:

 

"Reader! If thou hast a heart famed for tenderness and pity, contemplate this spot in which are deposited the remains of a young lady whose artless beauty, innocence of mind and gentle manners once obtained her the love and esteem of all who knew her. But when nerves were too delicately spun to bear the rude shakes and jostlings which we meet with in this transitory world, Nature gave way. She sunk and died a martyr to excessive sensibility."

 

I feel like my sensitivity button was set high from babyhood. And if we have a very tough early life, including trauma, our kindness, empathy, and attuned-ness to others' moods can get "hijacked" in the service of self-protection and seeking the love we need. For me, w/d and approaching menopause have heightened these effects, but also my awareness of them and my need for new coping skills. Am hoping the Dialectical Behavior Therapy principles will help me keep the kindness and empathy while while calming the agitating intensity.

[Sarabellum]

I still feel like I am floundering badly.

 

Yesterday, I was trying to figure out how to do an online course and I had a total meltdown - to they point, I considered going to the hospital. The only reason I did not is because chances are, the docs will want to put me right back on medication. This is just impossible to manage right now! I feel panicked from the moment I wake up until the time I close my eyes. The only peace I get is when I sleep (luckily). I cannot seem to stop the negative thoughts and I don't know what to do.. I've been on the magnesium for a week now. By day 3 I was feeling a difference but yesterday, I was in full meltdown mode. I cannot seem to figure out how to do an online course and I'm concerned I waited too long to drop it. I'm also concerned the place that is helping me fund my education may not allow me to drop it. I won't officially know until Tuesday because Monday is a holiday. So I'm trying not to spin on this and go crazy with worry. Why do I do this to myself when I know it doesn't help?

 

I decided not to fire the therapist I had been seeing. After 4 sessions, I asked her, "where do you see this going? Do you see me getting better?" She replied, "I don't see this getting better. I don't see you having any relief right now. Just keep doing what you're doing and something might eventually work." We didn't work on anything. I told her I wanted to stay with CBT (when I first went to her) but she never worked on what I needed to keep doing. She would just sit and nod and say, "I've gone through menopause, too. It's not easy." When I would ask what I needed to do, she would say I need to ground myself. I tried counting lights in a room when I felt panicked but after a few times of doing this, I was back and being overwhelmed again.

 

I am going to a place that teaches meditation tomorrow. I am hoping it will help.

[Altostrata]

How much magnesium are you taking and how often?

 

Meditation can be very helpful.

[Sarabellum]

Altostrata, I'm taking 400 mg of magnesium glycinate a day. I was taking it all at once but tried to split it and now that I think about it, I wonder if perhaps that might be part of problem because the 2 days I tried this, I forgot to take it in the morning and ended up taking 400 mg late in the day or in the evening. Thoughts?

[Nikki]

Hi, Sarabellum.  I'm glad (and also sorry) to have you here with us.  

 

 

 

It's as if every little fear that I have been able to manage over the years is coming at me with savage force and I don't know how to stop it.

 

This sounds so familiar, it makes me sigh.  Withdrawal has resurrected many of my old demons too, some of which I thought I'd laid to rest for good. I think that our inadequacies and fears live on inside us even after we've overcome them, and that when we're overcome by enough stress and fear they're brought to second life.  I don't think this means that we've failed to disarm them, even though it can feel like that.  Before it was the problems themselves that caused us pain, now it's withdrawal making us suffer, filling us with so much suffering that our mind is forced to mold it to old and familiar forms.  I don't know if that makes any sense.  Mostly I just want to empathize and show you that a lot of us have the same fears, which can sometimes make them feel easier to bear.  

 

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, I wish I could somehow pause your life for you until you felt better.  But I guess this sickness is part of our lives too, at least for now.  Hang in there, better things are ahead!

 

Sara and Narcissus...........THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW I would love to have a conversation with you on this....it's killing me right now and I need to stay grounded and focused on goals.

 

Maybe we could PM

[Sarabellum]

Nikki feel free to add me as a friend and message me. We can all use support.

[Nikki]

SB and Narcissus....I am confused about my emotions.

 

In the Thread Neuro-Emotions by Healing I totally get it and relate to it very much.  Everything is amplified.

 

However (and this is where I get confused) I see now that meds did help me keep fear under some type of control so I could walk myself thru it and/or believe that each problem would work out.  Or, that I would seek to find an answer to resolve it.

 

I didn't resolve each fear or situation.  But I did do alot to help myself along.

 

Alot of people here say the meds numbed them.  I don't know if I was numbed.  I do know that it did feel better not to be a nervous wreck all of the time.  Sooooo what is it that I am experiencing now?  I can't seem to figure it out.

 

SB I don't mean to hijack your thread.  Your discussion on this really resonated with me and I am doing some soul searching to get to the bottom of it.  Maybe I should continue this on my own intro page.......

 

It is so nice to be able to have people to try to reason things out with.

[Sarabellum]

You didn't hijack my page. I welcome your thoughts and feelings.

 

Nikki what have you tried to do to help your age your emotions? CBT? Psychotherapy? Just medication? I apologize I am unable to see your info because I am accessing the site via mobile phone.

 

Why did you discontinue your medication? What were you taking?

[Nikki]

SB....I have done many years of therapy.  CBT and EMDR for a lexapro WD.  I have been in a 12 Step Program (Al-Anon which is for people who have been affected by someone's alcoholism).  I have had Sponsors and been thru the steps a few times.

 

I went thru Attacking Anxiety and Depression program twice.

 

I took AD's for a meltdown back in 1996.  I had EBV and didn't find out for 5 months.  EBV is an identifiable virus which acts like CFS.  It causes anxiety and depression and I was married to my former spouse who was alcoholic and rather abusive (verbally and emotionally).  I was ripe and ready for a meltdown.

 

Paxil worked very well for me.  It calmed me down by getting rid of anxiety and depression.  I wasn't numb.  I cried and felt anxiety for reasons that would cause it for anyone.  But I was able to manage and make good decisions.  I was very social.  However I gained 50 pounds from paxil.  A common problem.

 

The problems with drugs began with a Lexapro taper.  Meds and life changed drastically.  Since the taper meds just didn't seem to work and I had plenty of anxiety and bouts of depression.  Some of my friends told me it was normal due to many life changes.

But it was more than that.

 

It wasn't until recently that the "light bulb" went off and like many other members here I realized I was being poly-drugged and the drugs had loused me up.

 

I identify tremendously with most of your share.  Thoughts ~ feelings, etc.  You were very spot on with your descriptions.  I found it hard to find the words you used.  Thank you for being so honest.  If it helped me identify it must have helped others.

 

One of the problems in WD which I was telling my mother today is that I/we feel like nutcakes   when we try to explain all of this.

 

Thank you for writing back.  My mother had me realize that it's okay to cry it out.  It's not a loss of control ~ it's a release.

 

Hugs

[JanCarol]

Just checking in, saying hi!  

 

Nikki, I've heard good things about the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) - at least for PTSD.  And sometimes I wonder if we all don't have PTSD, anyone who's taken these meds.  They can be traumatizing.  It's traumatizing to have these intense feelings or repetitive thoughts or fierce body and brain symptoms and to NOT KNOW:  is this me?  Is this the med?  WTF?

 

Hubby's brother does some sort of eye chart thing with a metronome.  He's loaded a metronome app on his phone.  I don't know how it works, but he had me make a copy of his eye chart, and it was a page full of arrows.  Let's say the first line was:  Up, down, down, left, right, up.  With each tick of the metronome, you return your eyes to center, then to the position on the chart.  In order.

 

He finds it stills his emotions, improves his concentration and headaches. He also has a bit social anxiety, and sensory overloads easily.  He started it in America, and has found a clinic in Melbourne that helps him.

 

He started with Neurofeedback, at a Neuro-something clinic.  First he got an fMRI (functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) to tell his practitioners what areas of the brain he needs to work on.  I'm not sure what he does in the Neurofeedback sessions, probably tries to smooth his EEG on a certain area of his brain.  And he does the Eye Chart / metronome thing every day.

 

Was that what it was like for you Nikki?

 

Sarabellum, I imagine that, in this day and age of "anybody can know anything" you can find an eye chart and metronome.  And just try it!

 

Who knows, maybe in future we will all be our own psychiatrists, and share techniques and experiences - much like in this forum!  :-)

[Sarabellum]

For me, I just keep trying. That's all I can do. I had been seeing an LCSW who said she was experience with CBT but in the 4 sessions I went to see her, we didn't really talk about it. She said, "You understand CBT?" I replied, "I am  familiar with some of it but I feel I still need support when facing cognitive errors or dealing with emotions." She didn't reply. She asked me questions and said I needed to try a technique she uses called 'grounding.' This involves doing something to distract. For example, if I were to feel volatile, I would count the number of lights in the room. Well... it sorta works but it hasn't been especially helpful.

 

I decided we weren't a good fit so I made an appointment with someone that the study group I participated in suggested. I hope this one is better.

 

I am taking about 133 mg of Swanson's Albion Chelated magnesium 3 times a day. That combined with mediation and yoga seem to be helping.

 

The hot flashes are stronger than ever. They aren't waking me up in the middle of the night but whenever I do wake in the morning, within 1-2 minutes I feel one surge. As I said previously, I tried using the Vivelle-dot. At first it seemed to help the flashes but my mood spiraled to the point of suicidal thoughts within days.

 

It certainly makes one question his or her own sanity.

[Altostrata]

Maybe cutting the Vivelle dot in half would be a better dose?