Sunnydays0912: scared to taper from Lexapro and Seroquel. Help!

[Petunia]

 

 I guess I'm just screwed either way. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you in the beginning.

 

 

But you could start listening now so then your situation wont become even worse.

 

The way I see it is you have 3 possible problems.

 

1. Lexapro withdrawal symptoms

2. General nervous system destabilization from too much jumping around

3. A too high dosage of Prozac

 

It could be a combination of all 3.

 

If I was in your situation I would have stayed at 20mg of Prozac and not gone any higher.  I would have tried to stabilize on that.  But anything you do now is going to be more jumping around which will destabilize your nervous system even more, which will make you more sensitive to everything.

 

I don't have the experience to advise you with any confidence, but please start to realize the seriousness of this.  Playing around with our brain chemistry is very dangerous and very few doctors know what they are doing, even if they act like they do.

 

My advise is to stay exactly where you are.  Monitor your symptoms very carefully, writing down every symptom and the times they occur, rating them on a scale. If I were in your situation, the only thing I would consider doing would be to reduce the Prozac and then hold for a long time.  But I'm not sure I would even do that.

 

Please don't take Abilify or any other drugs, the only thing which is going to help now is safely getting off all drugs and letting your brain and nervous system heal and learning how to deal with life in natural ways.  These drugs are not medical cures, they don't cure illnesses, they are toxic substances which alter brain function in ways which no one fully understands.

 

Don't expect that anything drug related that you do or don't do is going to make you feel 'normal' for quite a long time.  Have a look at the symptoms and self care section for non-drug ways to deal with symptoms while you are going through this.  There isn't going to be an easy way out or a quick fix, but you are not screwed, you can get off these drugs like lots of us here, once you accept the reality that these drugs are not helping you, they are what's causing the problems.

[Muddles]

I see a mother/wife who is just desperate to be ok. It's so hard when you have children and totally understand your desperation. I hope you get sorted.

[bubble]

Yes, Sunnydays, I was very harsh with you and I'm very sorry.

 

Not only am I not a professional, I'm not even a volonteer here but somebody who came here 5 months ago in the worst crisis of my life after going off from 5 mg of Lexapro. 

 

I was on 10 mg for 3 years (before that I had 10 years of various ADs). By that time I knew that stopping ADs suddenly would actually trigger the worst depression ever plus some other symptoms I never had before taking the meds. So I I didn't follow doctor's order who told me that AD is not addictive and I can stop taking them any time and just like that. When I ended up in the worst depression ever after stopping Zoloft, she just concluded my 'condition' came back and put me on another medication, Lexapro. It took me 3 months to start feeling relatively normal.

 

After 2 years I was enjoying life, my job, my partner, I was active, going out socialisng with my friends (although very tired, couldn't put on any of my clothes etc.) I knew this time I have to stop gradually and slowly but didn't know how exactly. I halved the pill to 5 mg and stayed on that dose for 6 months and I was fine. Then I half that to 2.5. After 2 weeks when i needed a new prescription there was a shortage of teh drug on the market so I was forced to stop taking it. I felt so strong and stabel that I thought I woudl be able to do it. I immediately felt worse but nothing dramatic, just slight discomfort.

 

What I was trying to warn you about is that coming off the AD is actually relatively easy, especially with those that have a long half-life: you can stop taking them  and feel ok for days even weeks.

 

The real horror for me didn't start until the 5th week: I felt I was going crazy, losing my mind and being swallowed by darkness that was descending on my brain. My thoughts were racing, running away from me and I felt such fear and sheer horror that i will never forget it. I felt as if I was outside my body, everything around me looked strange, I didn't know where I was. I thought that was the end of me.

 

I was harsh with you because I wanted to do anything I could to prevent any other human being from experiencing what i experienced then.

 

I somehow managed to drag to this forum which literally saved my life. (By strange coincidence my pdoc was on a sick leave and although I knew from before she had no idea what was going on even this option was gone). 

 

I intuitively felt I had to go back to Lexapro and I would.ve done it even without this forum. But I wouldn't have survived the next 3 months when I was very slowly through windows and waves coming back from the land of darkness and dead.

 

Alto told you many months ago that your honeymoon with ADs was over. Pills can't fix your loneliness and the way you deal with situations in your life that cause you depression. It took me 14 years to understand that. So it's unfair of me to be strict. 

 

Now your situation is so complex that it is hard to tell what is happening. But even now people here will do the best they can to support you. I totally understand your need to be functional for your children and everything. I did the same but pills were not the way. They might have been for soem short time but then they caused more problems than they helped. I also know it seems crazy to believe an online forum and not health professionals. But we are all people who trusted them and foudn out that they failed us so misearably. Not intentionalyl or because tehy don't want to help us but just because they don't know.

 

In my moment of utter despair and horror I realised I was left to my own resources.

 

Everywhere you read on this forum people write teh same thing (I took this randomly from two other members, althought drugs are different the principle is the same):

 

 

I just wanted to note, for future Zoloft withdrawal sufferers:  in my experience, the withdrawal goes like this: the physical symptoms (brain zaps etc) hit right away, and they are followed by a euphoria.  "I'm off!  I did it!  Life is gonna be sooo great now!"  The really difficult withdrawals (emotional ones, like irritability and hating everyone including yourself) don't set in until 2-3 weeks out.  It's almost like clockwork that everything will go south exactly 3 weeks after I've gone off the drug. As if my brain draws on all its banked serotonin for 2 weeks, and then {{boom!}} it goes barren by week 3.   Also, I never seem to be able to connect going off the drug with what's going on, either.  It's as if I've got amnesia.  And similarly, when I go back on the drug, it's hard to remember the distress I was in while off.  My brain can no longer access that level of despair.  Very weird.  This makes it difficult to explain the withdrawal to doctors and therapists.

 

 

On crossing over:

 

 

The reason we don't suggest it is that it doesn't always work, it really is a gamble. What is at risk is your very fragile CNS. If you did try the Prozac bridge and it didn't work you could become very ill. If you change meds back and forth like that or even go up and down in dose, you could be playing with fire, IMO.

The drug I'm tapering caused a lot of weight gain too and I hate it just as much as the others here who've gained weight. I think most would rather be as big as a barn than to suffer the pure torturous hell of WDs, though. If I were you, I'd stabilize and taper very slowly off the drug you're already used to.

It might not be a good idea to introduce another drug. I wouldn't dare risk my CNS because of weight, not after what I've been through and have seen others suffering. 

 

I apologise once again and will try to be more constructive in the future. I'm just a person like you. It was my Sunday but i felt so extremely tired that I couldn't go out. Instead of watching TV or reading or doing exercises I spent at least an hour writing to you. I read several times what you wrote, I was thinking about what was happening to you... I don't think your doctor did that. As I said the reason I did that was becasue I was so scared you will end up in the same place where I was 5 months ago...

 

bubble

[sunnydays0912]

 

I guess I'm just screwed either way. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you in the beginning.

 

 

But you could start listening now so then your situation wont become even worse.

 

The way I see it is you have 3 possible problems.

 

1. Lexapro withdrawal symptoms

2. General nervous system destabilization from too much jumping around

3. A too high dosage of Prozac

 

It could be a combination of all 3.

 

If I was in your situation I would have stayed at 20mg of Prozac and not gone any higher.  I would have tried to stabilize on that.  But anything you do now is going to be more jumping around which will destabilize your nervous system even more, which will make you more sensitive to everything.

 

I don't have the experience to advise you with any confidence, but please start to realize the seriousness of this.  Playing around with our brain chemistry is very dangerous and very few doctors know what they are doing, even if they act like they do.

 

My advise is to stay exactly where you are.  Monitor your symptoms very carefully, writing down every symptom and the times they occur, rating them on a scale. If I were in your situation, the only thing I would consider doing would be to reduce the Prozac and then hold for a long time.  But I'm not sure I would even do that.

 

Please don't take Abilify or any other drugs, the only thing which is going to help now is safely getting off all drugs and letting your brain and nervous system heal and learning how to deal with life in natural ways.  These drugs are not medical cures, they don't cure illnesses, they are toxic substances which alter brain function in ways which no one fully understands.

 

Don't expect that anything drug related that you do or don't do is going to make you feel 'normal' for quite a long time.  Have a look at the symptoms and self care section for non-drug ways to deal with symptoms while you are going through this.  There isn't going to be an easy way out or a quick fix, but you are not screwed, you can get off these drugs like lots of us here, once you accept the reality that these drugs are not helping you, they are what's causing the problems.

 

 

Thank you. I couldn't stay at 20mg Prozac cause that's only the equivalent of 10mg lexapro, so my withdrawals would have been horrid...

 

 

I see a mother/wife who is just desperate to be ok. It's so hard when you have children and totally understand your desperation. I hope you get sorted.

 

 

Thank you so much! That's is entirely the truth.  

Yes, Sunnydays, I was very harsh with you and I'm very sorry.

 

Not only am I not a professional, I'm not even a volonteer here but somebody who came here 5 months ago in the worst crisis of my life after going off from 5 mg of Lexapro. 

 

I was on 10 mg for 3 years (before that I had 10 years of various ADs). By that time I knew that stopping ADs suddenly would actually trigger the worst depression ever plus some other symptoms I never had before taking the meds. So I I didn't follow doctor's order who told me that AD is not addictive and I can stop taking them any time and just like that. When I ended up in the worst depression ever after stopping Zoloft, she just concluded my 'condition' came back and put me on another medication, Lexapro. It took me 3 months to start feeling relatively normal.

 

After 2 years I was enjoying life, my job, my partner, I was active, going out socialisng with my friends (although very tired, couldn't put on any of my clothes etc.) I knew this time I have to stop gradually and slowly but didn't know how exactly. I halved the pill to 5 mg and stayed on that dose for 6 months and I was fine. Then I half that to 2.5. After 2 weeks when i needed a new prescription there was a shortage of teh drug on the market so I was forced to stop taking it. I felt so strong and stabel that I thought I woudl be able to do it. I immediately felt worse but nothing dramatic, just slight discomfort.

 

What I was trying to warn you about is that coming off the AD is actually relatively easy, especially with those that have a long half-life: you can stop taking them  and feel ok for days even weeks.

 

The real horror for me didn't start until the 5th week: I felt I was going crazy, losing my mind and being swallowed by darkness that was descending on my brain. My thoughts were racing, running away from me and I felt such fear and sheer horror that i will never forget it. I felt as if I was outside my body, everything around me looked strange, I didn't know where I was. I thought that was the end of me.

 

I was harsh with you because I wanted to do anything I could to prevent any other human being from experiencing what i experienced then.

 

I somehow managed to drag to this forum which literally saved my life. (By strange coincidence my pdoc was on a sick leave and although I knew from before she had no idea what was going on even this option was gone). 

 

I intuitively felt I had to go back to Lexapro and I would.ve done it even without this forum. But I wouldn't have survived the next 3 months when I was very slowly through windows and waves coming back from the land of darkness and dead.

 

Alto told you many months ago that your honeymoon with ADs was over. Pills can't fix your loneliness and the way you deal with situations in your life that cause you depression. It took me 14 years to understand that. So it's unfair of me to be strict. 

 

Now your situation is so complex that it is hard to tell what is happening. But even now people here will do the best they can to support you. I totally understand your need to be functional for your children and everything. I did the same but pills were not the way. They might have been for soem short time but then they caused more problems than they helped. I also know it seems crazy to believe an online forum and not health professionals. But we are all people who trusted them and foudn out that they failed us so misearably. Not intentionalyl or because tehy don't want to help us but just because they don't know.

 

In my moment of utter despair and horror I realised I was left to my own resources.

 

Everywhere you read on this forum people write teh same thing (I took this randomly from two other members, althought drugs are different the principle is the same):

 

 

I just wanted to note, for future Zoloft withdrawal sufferers:  in my experience, the withdrawal goes like this: the physical symptoms (brain zaps etc) hit right away, and they are followed by a euphoria.  "I'm off!  I did it!  Life is gonna be sooo great now!"  The really difficult withdrawals (emotional ones, like irritability and hating everyone including yourself) don't set in until 2-3 weeks out.  It's almost like clockwork that everything will go south exactly 3 weeks after I've gone off the drug. As if my brain draws on all its banked serotonin for 2 weeks, and then {{boom!}} it goes barren by week 3.   Also, I never seem to be able to connect going off the drug with what's going on, either.  It's as if I've got amnesia.  And similarly, when I go back on the drug, it's hard to remember the distress I was in while off.  My brain can no longer access that level of despair.  Very weird.  This makes it difficult to explain the withdrawal to doctors and therapists.

 

 

On crossing over:

 

 

The reason we don't suggest it is that it doesn't always work, it really is a gamble. What is at risk is your very fragile CNS. If you did try the Prozac bridge and it didn't work you could become very ill. If you change meds back and forth like that or even go up and down in dose, you could be playing with fire, IMO.The drug I'm tapering caused a lot of weight gain too and I hate it just as much as the others here who've gained weight. I think most would rather be as big as a barn than to suffer the pure torturous hell of WDs, though. If I were you, I'd stabilize and taper very slowly off the drug you're already used to.

It might not be a good idea to introduce another drug. I wouldn't dare risk my CNS because of weight, not after what I've been through and have seen others suffering. 

 

I apologise once again and will try to be more constructive in the future. I'm just a person like you. It was my Sunday but i felt so extremely tired that I couldn't go out. Instead of watching TV or reading or doing exercises I spent at least an hour writing to you. I read several times what you wrote, I was thinking about what was happening to you... I don't think your doctor did that. As I said the reason I did that was becasue I was so scared you will end up in the same place where I was 5 months ago...

 

bubble

Thank you for understanding. I'm still so naive when it comes to this. And with my 2 little ones counting on me 24/7, I have next to no time to really focus on myself and learn more. That has been part of the problem is I just can't find the time to really learn about what is happening to me and read others stories on here (this is my 5th attempt today to finish this post). I really wish I had more than a moment here and there to really focus on learning what is going on with me...

 

 

That all being said, today was much tougher. I'm feeling that I must be someone who experiences WD very fast. Which makes sense to when I tried getting off Lexapro the very first time in 2010 and just dropping down 5mg of my 20mg dose gave me dizzy spells and felt very low, depressed feelings within the first week! It scared me so much, but even then I wondered if it was withdrawals since it felt very similar to how it felt just getting on Lexapro which was a nightmare in its own. And still feelings I've never felt before pre-meds. The ONLY thing that makes me think maaaaaybe it's really me is the fact I started it right after having a baby and experienced PPD and anxiety, so maybe that changed my brain chemistry forever (as my former psychiatrist explained) but I never, ever felt such a deeply low and painful depression until I started Lexapro in those first couple months. Anyway, that's all old news.

 

When I switched my Lexapro to celexa, believing it's the "same" medication, I felt withdrawals within the first few days. I didn't know what was going on and didn't know it was WD. But it got bad fast.

 

Today started out ok. But around 11 I started feeling discomfort. Like, not really anxiety, just general ickiness, maybe similar to flu like symptoms except it's been so long since I've had the flu so I'm not sure that's an accurate comparison. And then my stomach began to ache. I never have stomach issues like that, so it was surprising and scary. But I knew it had to be WD. On the way home from my errands my stomach was better but I felt very jittery and shaky. And that's when I noticed my patience was beginning to run out with everything. I have a very lively 4 year old son who is at a very trying age. I HAVE to have patience in order to not go crazy over just dealing with him all day long. And it's not even that I get angry fast, I just don't have it in me to work with him. If he does something bad, I immediately think he's a bad kid. I immediately am feeling overwhelmed and like I can't handle him. This has been my biggest WD issue today! And it's a complete 180 from how I was feeling yesterday. Yesterday I did not feel any of this toward him, I was still able to parent him with compassion and not feel overwhelmed.

 

By the evening, I was so fed up with this WD. My thinking was so messed up, I struggled to vocalize what I was trying to say, I was so disorganized and out of sync with myself. I was struggling just to get a simple dinner going for my kids. I hope you all can understand that this is not acceptable! I'm responsible for the well being of my little ones all on my own. I know I've preached this before, but it's the absolute truth. I can only let myself sink so far before something has to give in order to keep it together for the safety of my family. So I decided to take a very small piece of Lexapro. If I had more time I would have tried to measure it out to 1 or 1.5mg, but I didn't so I just cut off a very small piece and took it. I hoped it would give me some relief so I can at least get through the rest of the day.

 

Well, I'm glad I took such a small piece cause I think it was too late to take more since it made my anxiety blow up. And in my WD, I actually forgot that this is what happens when I wait too long to reinstate because hello, I reinstated Lexapro after two weeks off it and went into psychiatric distress and extreme akathisia. So a mini version of that began and so I took .15mg Xanax to hopefully counteract it and it worked.

 

I know you are all probably shaking your heads at me for reinstating like that. But at least now I know that really isn't an option anymore. I just have to fight through this. Something that's scary that I was noticing today also, withdrawals really do change my thinking. It's like how I've heard street drug withdrawals are, where the withdrawal was trying to convince me it wasn't the drug, it was me. I was experiencing thought anxiety where I couldn't stop second guessing if this was really the WD or me. It took a coincidental run in with my friend and neighbor that brought me back to Earth by telling me she went cold turkey off celexa before and it was the worst 6 weeks of her life. She told me she experienced a lot if the same, especially the no patience and short temper, anxiety, crazy thinking. She made a full recovery back to how she was before meds, so she does still deal with anxiety but it's situational and she is learning to deal with it on her own now. Actually talking to someone who's been through something like this and lived in person definitely helped. And having someone there who understands. I'm so glad she told me this. It's really helped give me hope...

[bubble]

I understand!

 

Actually I can't imagine how I would go through any of this with somebody around let alone small kids you have to look after on your own!

 

(Even having a sympathetic boyfriend around was too much, I had to be completely alone and 200 % focused on myself to survive).

 

I absolutely understand you would do anyting to be functional even at the expense of your health and wellbeing (I did this to be employed).

 

I don't know if anyone knows what to do now in your situation (that doctor who doesn't remember anything about you least of all ;(

 

Some time ago when you were talking about Lexapro 'pooping out' we thought you had to urgently change things in your environment that were making you unhappy. Alto said your honeymoon with ADs was over and I wrote about the need for talk therapy.

 

Unfortunately even when meds 'poop out' they still have to be tapered (my meds do nothing for me except to make me feel bad but I can't stop taking them because then i would feel even worse ;(

 

Whatever you decide to do, remember that the worst thing is changing medication, going up and down, adding a bit today and then not the next. It's like a boxer hitting your brain. Brains heal through stability. If you feel that adding a bit of Lexapro helps, stay on it. Don't think that you won the game because you are not taking any more Lexapro. Reinstating means taking a dose that makes you stable for a long time, not a day or 2. If you take extra Lexapro every now and then, it is the opposite of reinstating. It's further destabilises your brain.

 

That is the key concept you have to understand at this point (sorry for bombarding you with too much information you have no time to process). But when doctors do us harm, the only chance we have is educating ourselves.

 

So our first advice was to deal with your distress without medication, maybe even talk to your husband that the way you live now with him being away is just not possible. 

 

I hope somebody has an idea on what to do for damage control in this difficult situation you are in: in withdrawal from one medication and overstimulated by the other. Instad of one evil, now you have two ;( I still think that despite Prozac, your brain craves for Lexapro and misses it badly. 

 

When we take desperate steps to make ourselves feel better, we end up feeling worse... 

 

But we will still be here for you and do the best we can no matter what happens. I think you should accept that you will not feel well for a while. The sooner we accept things, the sooner they pass.

 

Is there somebody who could help you with the kids so that you have more time to focus on yourself?

[Altostrata]

My guess is 40mg Prozac is too much.

[bubble]

And I guess that means Sunny could try and reduce it (but we don't know by how much

 

My guess is also that she is in Lexapro withdrawal and conducting an experiment to see whether Prozac will hook on the same receptors or something like that...

 

we can only wait and see what happens...

[sunnydays0912]

Thanks Bubble for trying so hard to help me through this. I appreciate it so much!

 

I have no one I can count on to help me with my kids. We have no family here and I only have a couple friends that I can only count on for babysitting here and there. My husband can't possibly take time off. Doing so would be for forfeiting our entire future he's working so hard to get us to. It sucks because when I was stable on lexapro, I could handle all of this on my own. It's why we took this drastic step to move somewhere new so he could finish getting his degree, I had a total handle on our life at home. I enjoyed the challenge of raising kids, I loved them dearly and couldn't imagine doing anything else. I felt this way for years and never once thought it was a temporary thing. And then of course after making the huge life change, I begin to crumble from medication....abuse? I don't know what else to call it.

 

I took the lexapro yesterday thinking if it helped I would continue taking it every day and then begin a slow taper. But it had a adverse reaction in making my anxiety worse. I think since it's out of my system at that point, reinstating it only set me off like it did after I stopped taking it for the 2 weeks. But I started back at the full 20mg and sent my mind into complete akathisia attack.

 

Alto, if you think the Prozac is too high, is tapering it down even an option? I mean, could I go down like 5mg without sending my body into deeper WD?

 

 

Also, I ended up getting a call from a psychiatrists office this morning. I'm finally going to be able to see a psychiatrist, though I have very mixed feelings about this.

[Jemima]

Are you saying you took 20 mg. of Lexapro yesterday on top of your 40 mg. of Prozac?  PLEASE quit trying to adjust your medication! If I'm understanding you correctly, you took at least the equivalent of 80 mg. of  Prozac, possibly more, because Lexapro is roughly two to three times stronger than other SSRI antidepressants.  80 mg. of Prozac is the maximum dose that should ever be prescribed.  In other words, you just took a very serious chance of killing yourself.

 

If you keep experimenting with your medication neither this forum nor the best psychiatrist on earth is going to be able to help you. Your experiments are making you feel even worse and could possibly even kill you.

 

I agree with Petu - stay right where you are with 40 mg. Prozac and don't change anything at all.  I suspect that you're in Lexapro withdrawal in addition to all the problems from switching drugs up, down, and around. I went off Lexapro too quickly two-plus years ago and I can personally swear that jumping off 2.5 mg. can make a person miserable for months.

 

There is absolutely nothing--no drug, no magic--that will make you feel better right away, so please quit playing with fire.

[sunnydays0912]

Are you saying you took 20 mg. of Lexapro yesterday on top of your 40 mg. of Prozac? PLEASE quit trying to adjust your medication! If I'm understanding you correctly, you took at least the equivalent of 80 mg. of Prozac, possibly more, because Lexapro is roughly two to three times stronger than other SSRI antidepressants. 80 mg. of Prozac is the maximum dose that should ever be prescribed. In other words, you just took a very serious chance of killing yourself.

 

If you keep experimenting with your medication neither this forum nor the best psychiatrist on earth is going to be able to help you. Your experiments are making you feel even worse and could possibly even kill you.

 

I agree with Petu - stay right where you are with 40 mg. Prozac and don't change anything at all. I suspect that you're in Lexapro withdrawal in addition to all the problems from switching drugs up, down, and around. I went off Lexapro too quickly two-plus years ago and I can personally swear that jumping off 2.5 mg. can make a person miserable for months.

 

There is absolutely nothing--no drug, no magic--that will make you feel better right away, so please quit playing with fire.

No no no, I did no such thing. I took a very small piece, couldn't be more than 1.5mg lexapro. It's only been a week since I took my last 2.5mg so I hoped reinstating a small dose may help. It did not.

[Jemima]

That's a relief, but the advice still goes.  

[bubble]

oh dear sunny, relief!

 

I've been trying to tell you the same thing as Jemima. This all is very, very dangerous.

 

I understand that not feeling well is something you can't afford right now but I'm afraid you'll have to find a way of accepting it. In such situations only time, patience and stability help.

 

You have to talk to your husband. There must be a way to relieve you. This is getting too serious.

 

The more changes you make, the longer it will take to recover.

 

The main thing is too learn not to react to symptoms with the change of medication. It makes things a lot worse even if it brings some relief and mostly it doesn't.

 

So let's stick with the plan of 40 mg prozac no matter what. We always say look at the symptoms and self-care section for alternatives to drugs, breathing, meditation. Personally only thing that helped me was time, endurance and reading on the forum.

 

I know you don't have time but believe me, reading stories from anyone here will bring you more comfort and strength than giving a detailed account of your situation.

 

Also come here whenever you need, especially if you feel the absolute urge to change medication, add, reduce-which you inevitably will feel strongly but is exactly what you shouldn't do.

 

I pay an occasional visit to my pdoc, tell him everything, listen to what he has to say but don't get tempted to do any more experiments on yourself.

 

Are you taking any fish oil and magnesium?

[Altostrata]

Sunny was jumping around on drugs before she got anywhere near Prozac.

 

But I started back at the full 20mg and sent my mind into complete akathisia attack.

 

 

Sunny, did you add 20mg Lexapro to 40mg Prozac, or did you take 20mg Lexapro instead of 40mg Prozac?

[sunnydays0912]

Alto, I didn't write that out very well. I was talking about what happened back in September. When I followed a pharmacists advice that I could switch back to 20mg lexapro after 2 weeks on 40mg celexa. But instead it sent me into a complete break down. I only took a 1-1.5mg piece that day.

 

 

 

Today my thinking was...just...gone. I had anxiety like crazy, but the lack of being able to have a clear thought? The worst. The absolute worst. I was getting really scared. At one point I knew I needed to make my daughter lunch, but struggled to think of what to make her. It was far too overwhelming to think up something to make. I grabbed a couple frozen burritos and cooked them in the microwave and she and I shared them. I couldn't even pack my sons baseball bag and get his baseball uniform ready for practice without feeling insanely overwhelmed. I may as well have been trying to cure cancer with the stress I was feeling.

 

Oddly, and THANKFULLY enough, I get relief in the evening. Around 5 it's like my brain slowly starts to work again. It's weird but I'm so thankful for it.

 

I have a appt. with a with an actual Psychiatrist Thursday! Despite knowing they will probably want to pump me up with meds, I still feel it's important to at least be under someone knowledgeable's care. I'm going to go there with one thing in mind - what can she do to help me get off these meds as painlessly as possible. I fear she will say Abilify or Wellbutrin or something. But I will decline. I'm so sure these issues are WD, so either she will understand that and help with that, or say what she wants and I'll just continue to do what I'm doing. I just really hope it doesn't get too much worse...I need to be able to function. My family needs me . I'll never be able to forgive myself if I can't take care of my babies :(.

[bubble]

Oddly, and THANKFULLY enough, I get relief in the evening. 

 

this souns like a window. Which is a positive sign that your brain is working towards achieving a balance.

 

But please, please, please don't react to symptoms by changing your doses. Just wait and it will pass.

 

In your case it's awfully hard because somebody has to feed the child and you don't have the luxury to wait and be unwell but you have to realise that this is not a luxury for you but a necessity...

 

you know what we think about knowledgeable care and unfortunately you suffered from that knowledge badly yourself. so maybe authorities would be more appropriate term so this is the attitude I assume as well: either she will understand that and help with that, or say what she wants and I'll just continue to do what I'm doing. 

[Fitby50]

Sunny,  I know exactly what you mean about making decisions and how something so simple can feel so frustrating and impossible.  I am glad to hear that you can feel some relief towards evening.  That happens for me too.  Are you able to get outside and go for long walks with your kids, or do any type of exercise??  This seems to help most of us if you can fit that in, I think it will be important for many reasons.

[Jemima]

Feeling better in the evening makes me suspect that you're suffering from a cortisol overload during the day, something that's quite common in early withdrawal, especially when dosage levels are changed frequently.  There are a number of discussions about cortisol in the 'Symptoms and self-care' section.

[bubble]

great point Jemima!

 

I would never have thought of that.

 

Sunny, do you have magnesium and fish oil?

[sunnydays0912]

Sunny, I know exactly what you mean about making decisions and how something so simple can feel so frustrating and impossible. I am glad to hear that you can feel some relief towards evening. That happens for me too. Are you able to get outside and go for long walks with your kids, or do any type of exercise?? This seems to help most of us if you can fit that in, I think it will be important for many reasons.

Thank you! It helps to know others can relate . I have been meaning to find time for real exercise. I do often take walks with my kids to the park and to take my son to school, among all other running around I do throughout the day. But if I could find a 30 minute window to devote to a workout DVD I think that would help release some of this stress and anxiety.

[sunnydays0912]

Feeling better in the evening makes me suspect that you're suffering from a cortisol overload during the day, something that's quite common in early withdrawal, especially when dosage levels are changed frequently. There are a number of discussions about cortisol in the 'Symptoms and self-care' section.

 

I will look into that! Cause it does feel like my cortisol is over reacting. My heart is pounding as soon as I wake up. Could this also result in mindful exhaustion? I sort of think that because of the cortisol overdose, it's causing fatigue in everything else. I'm losing my effort, motivation more every day and my brain just feels tired.

[sunnydays0912]

great point Jemima!

 

I would never have thought of that.

 

Sunny, do you have magnesium and fish oil?

I've been taking about 4000mg of fish oils every day. I was taking magnesium but ran out about a month ago and keep forgetting to get more. I will though.

 

What other supplements are recommended for relief?

[Narcissus]

 

 

Could this also result in mindful exhaustion? I sort of think that because of the cortisol overdose, it's causing fatigue in everything else. 

 

Hi Sunny.  Yes, the cycle seems to be tension/anxiety and then fatique...and then sometimes mixtures of both.  Hope things improve for you, it's nice that you're able to find relief in the evening.

[Rhiannon]

Feeling better in the evening makes me suspect that you're suffering from a cortisol overload during the day, something that's quite common in early withdrawal, especially when dosage levels are changed frequently.  There are a number of discussions about cortisol in the 'Symptoms and self-care' section.

 

I agree, that was the first thing I thought of when I read that. Feeling crappy in the morning, starting to feel better in the afternoon and feeling your best in the evening is typical when cortisol is a problem--either having too much of it, or being too sensitive to it, or both.

 

I call it "cortisol mornings" and I get them when I've been cutting my doses. It's always a sign that it's time to stop and hold for a while.

[Rhiannon]

 

Sunny, I know exactly what you mean about making decisions and how something so simple can feel so frustrating and impossible. I am glad to hear that you can feel some relief towards evening. That happens for me too. Are you able to get outside and go for long walks with your kids, or do any type of exercise?? This seems to help most of us if you can fit that in, I think it will be important for many reasons.

Thank you! It helps to know others can relate . I have been meaning to find time for real exercise. I do often take walks with my kids to the park and to take my son to school, among all other running around I do throughout the day. But if I could find a 30 minute window to devote to a workout DVD I think that would help release some of this stress and anxiety.

 

 

In withdrawal we often find we can't tolerate intense exercise. I would start with something more like gentle walking.

 

Is there any way at all that you can afford to get a bit of help with the kids so that you can have some down time occasionally? Even just an hour or two here and there.

[bubble]

Of course, i agree with Rhi.

 

In our state intense exercise is usually counterproductive and things such as mindful meditation and meditation in walking or anything you do (by completely focusing on what you do) is much better.

 

Dear Sunny, what you are saying here might easily be the root of your depression: even now in withdrawal, when you are feeling terrible, you put everyone's wishes and needs first and your needs come last or they don't come at all (you don't have time to buy magnesium, you don't have 30 minutes for yourself, you firmly believe nobody can be inconvenienced to help you out with the kids, your husband absolutely cannot be bothered, it is absolutely impossible to accommodate any of your needs because that would jeopardise the future of your family, etc, etc. - don't you think it's possible that beliefs like this might actually cause you to be depressed? When we deny ourselves, our brain and body rebels against such abuse we perpetrate on ourselves by turning on the depression button in an attempt to force us to take a better care of ourselves. Among other things, depression tells us that we are not taking a good care of ourselves. 

 

And a person who doesn't take care of him/herself cannot take care of anyone else.

 

Basically, the best care you can give to your kids and husband is if you start taking care for yourself and putting your needs first.

 

Think about this example: when travelling by plane, safety instructions for parents: put on the gas mask first and THEN assist your child. Isn't this common sense? If you can't breathe because you are helping your kid, soon there will be no one to help him...

 

I used to be like this and it took me at least 10 years of therapy to realise what I wrote above. So i know it's hard but try to start thinking about your firmly held beliefs in this way...

 

Although we think we are indispensible and things can't happen without us, when we make ourselves so ill that we cannot not only be there for others but they have to help us, we find out that things can work without us... 

 

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt...

[sunnydays0912]

 

 

Could this also result in mindful exhaustion? I sort of think that because of the cortisol overdose, it's causing fatigue in everything else.

Hi Sunny. Yes, the cycle seems to be tension/anxiety and then fatique...and then sometimes mixtures of both. Hope things improve for you, it's nice that you're able to find relief in the evening.

The fatigue is causing low moods as well. I've been experiencing some sadness since yesterday and I keep repeating in my head "it's the WD it's the WD it's the WD" so I don't allow myself to think it's my illness coming back. I just hate the lack of energy and enthusiasm for life that I once had. I hope it comes back...

[sunnydays0912]

 

 

 

Sunny, I know exactly what you mean about making decisions and how something so simple can feel so frustrating and impossible. I am glad to hear that you can feel some relief towards evening. That happens for me too. Are you able to get outside and go for long walks with your kids, or do any type of exercise?? This seems to help most of us if you can fit that in, I think it will be important for many reasons.

Thank you! It helps to know others can relate . I have been meaning to find time for real exercise. I do often take walks with my kids to the park and to take my son to school, among all other running around I do throughout the day. But if I could find a 30 minute window to devote to a workout DVD I think that would help release some of this stress and anxiety.

In withdrawal we often find we can't tolerate intense exercise. I would start with something more like gentle walking.

 

Is there any way at all that you can afford to get a bit of help with the kids so that you can have some down time occasionally? Even just an hour or two here and there.

I wish...unfortunately this choice to let my husband finish school also means very tight budget so the only babysitting I can count on is babysitting from the kindness of the couple friends I have here. But because of that, moral prevents me from asking for help just so I can have time to myself. When my daughter naps I usually have my son watch a movie or something for quiet time but that's when I get my chores done that I just can't do otherwise. This is a major part of my anger towards this...I went into this a completely different person than I am now experiencing it. It's not fair.

[bubble]

moral prevents me from asking for help just so I can have time to myself. 

 

This is exactly the point I was trying to make.

 

I'm afraid you will stay depressed for all the drugs in world until you change this very common cultural condition (that's probably why Eat, Pray, Love  became so popular: being good to ourselves is not selfish, enjoying onself is not sinful. These are all remnants of a puritan religious conditioning... ;(

[Altostrata]

sunny, when you say you are taking 4000mg fish oil, what do you mean? 4 capsules?

[sunnydays0912]

moral prevents me from asking for help just so I can have time to myself.

 

This is exactly the point I was trying to make.

 

I'm afraid you will stay depressed for all the drugs in world until you change this very common cultural condition (that's probably why Eat, Pray, Love became so popular: being good to ourselves is not selfish, enjoying onself is not sinful. These are all remnants of a puritan religious conditioning... ;(

I used to find all the joy I needed in taking care of my kids. They gave my life meaning, fulfillment. Now since stopping the lexapro I feel myself slipping into depression. I'm trying to keep my mind off it, do things I enjoy even with my kids. But today I've got this overcast sadness feeling I just can't shake.

 

I'm trying to find hope in this being WD. I'm remembering back to September when I switched to celexa. I experienced many symptoms of withdrawal in the first week that I thought were caused by the celexa. The 2nd week I started to fall into a depressed mood, sadness, crying spells over nothing. I'm trying to convince myself it was WD, not that celexa just wasn't working and my depression was coming back so suddenly. Since stopping lexapro I seem to be going down the same path except this time I hope if I hold out I'll get through it and maybe feel better. Idk.

 

I sincerely don't know what to do. I fear my world is crashing around me but I'm the only one feeling or seeing it so no one will understand why I can't do something as simple as care for my family like I once enjoyed so much. I'm trying not to fall apart but I need help.

[sunnydays0912]

sunny, when you say you are taking 4000mg fish oil, what do you mean? 4 capsules?

4 capsules sorry if the MG wasn't right.

[sunnydays0912]

I don't know what is wrong with me. My body and mind feels like it just wants to give up. Stop doing anything and everything. I get this sense that I can't handle even the smallest things. Like I don't want to. My logic is all I have that still want to go on in this world but everything feels like it's trying to fail.

 

What do I do??? Is this a common WD experience??

[Altostrata]

Please look at the label on your fish oil. What does it say for EPA and DHA per capsule?

[sunnydays0912]

1,000 mg fish oil - provides 300 mg comprised of DHA and EPA but doesn't say how much of each.

[Altostrata]

If each capsule contains 300mg EPA + DHA, you need to take about 8 of them to get 2400mg EPA + DHA. The rest of the oil in a fish oil capsule is just filler.

[sunnydays0912]

Feeling better today. Saw my new dr last night. He thinks I have severe Inattentive ADD that was masked by the Lexapro since becoming a mom. I struggled my whole life with problems keeping up in school and my personal life but was told it can't be ADD cause I'm not hyper. It's as if the school system wasn't aware there is 2 types. So they just told me I'm a slow learner, oh well. My self confidence was horribly low. And then I struggled to keep up with my own home, and then had a baby that made me feel completely overwhelmed and short tempered. And then lexapro helped by masking it, he says. Because I still struggled, but wasn't as short tempered and lost feeling. My confidence was artificially heightened the last 4.5 years. Patience, concentration, and confidence in a pill, he said. So it makes sense why I was able to cope so well since becoming a mom. I still made some of the mistakes ADD causes, but it didn't bother me. I was able to cope. Now I'm doing everything the same but my mind isn't able to keep up anymore. So he believes I need to be tested and properly diagnosed and go from there. He doesn't want to touch my Prozac or neurotransmitters at all right now because of how much my serotonin has been "attacked" lately by unqualified medical professionals. So he believes in me stabilizing and also going from there.

 

He sounds like he really knows what he's doing and it's scary how easily he was able to express everything I'm dealing with without me having to tell him.