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Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix

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zeeheather

Thank you Konjo, I have already spent many-a-day reading, then re-reading all those stories. They gave me hope, but then they stopped helping (easy to read them and be hopeful, but when reality sets in, it's hard to see an end or change). Thank you for saving those though, they got me through some hard times recently.

TeaBea, thank you for your response. He's gotten a lot worse in the last couple of days. Mean and heartless, flirting with other girls, lying to me about silly things. Told me "You weren't the one for me, it's time to move on." So I've decided to let go, he's causing me more and more pain each time. He's not the man I fell in love with, the complete opposite, he's a different person. I need to work on my happiness.

He's begun weaning off his last anti-depressant, so I wish him the best with that. Hopefully he'll start to get back to normal, but it's out of my control now.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to me. I'll update if anything changes, but my hope has dwindled.

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TeaBea

My very best wishes to you, zeeheather, as you begin the moving-on process.  It isn't easy, but then staying and "enduring" isn't easy either.  I think you've made the only choice you have available right now.  If it's somehow still meant to be, he'll find his way back to you.  Right now, though, it's good you're taking him at his word.  Your happiness IS up to you.  I hope you find more than you ever thought possible! 

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zeeheather

Thank you TeaBea! That really means a lot. Hoping for the best., but preparing for the worst. Just gotta keep reminding myself that he's not the same man I fell in love with! <3 :)

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Mermaid17
On 1/3/2018 at 3:53 PM, zeeheather said:

Thank you TeaBea! That really means a lot. Hoping for the best., but preparing for the worst. Just gotta keep reminding myself that he's not the same man I fell in love with! <3 :)

Zeeheather I am about a year ahead of you in this nightmare. It can take months and months for even a small sign of hope to reveal itself in the form of his person returning. Especially if he tapered too quickly. But when it does, and it will, hold onto it. I cannot NOT love my husband and cannot NOT wait and pray and hope. 

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zeeheather
1 hour ago, Mermaid17 said:

Zeeheather I am about a year ahead of you in this nightmare. It can take months and months for even a small sign of hope to reveal itself in the form of his person returning. Especially if he tapered too quickly. But when it does, and it will, hold onto it. I cannot NOT love my husband and cannot NOT wait and pray and hope. 

 

Hi Mermaid17,

Thank you for your response. He tapered the Paxil over a two week period (last dose 3 weeks ago), but said he had no withdrawals. He then stopped the Wellbutrin cold turkey about 2 weeks later. Said he had a miserable week, but was fine after that. 

He’s gotten a lot worse now. He stopped responding to my texts and emails. He just so mean and hurtful. My last few messages were just looking for a “why” and closure, because I’m so hurt. I can’t get over this pain, I’m off work right now because I can’t stop crying. His only response to what happened was “I don’t know what you want from me, I’ve tried to be nice. You weren’t the one for me, it’s time to move on.” And “I don’t know why you’re still confused. There’s nothing more I can say that I haven’t already.”

He lacks any empathy, he absolutely hates me. It’s scary to think that this might not be the medication. He seems to have gotten worse after he stopped the meds. 

Currently he’s going out drinking and meeting girls. Adding them to his Instagram, where he removed all pictures of me and him & I  together. 

 

I talked to his good female friend (she’s married to one of his best childhood friends). She told me that she didn’t know he was taking medication, but she hasn’t spoken to him in a while, cause they were so busy with moving and such. 

She did tell me that my boyfriend is known for shutting people out like this. She said “If he’s over (for lack of a better word) something, he’s over it. If he closes that door, he keeps it closed.” She said I probably won’t find closure from him, she felt really bad for me. 

 

I cant tell if this is how he deals with a breakup (just shuts down emotions and becomes cold, so he doesn’t have to deal with it) or if it’s still the medication affecting him. It hurts to see him moving on so quickly, trying to get as much attention from girls as he can. (And not even girls he’s usually attracted to, which is odd) 

 

What hurts the most though, is not knowing what happened. Why does he HATE me so much, when I didn’t do anything. And he truly hates me and wants nothing to do with me, erased all our memories. 

 

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Henry

Hi Zeeheather

 

im so sorry that you are going through this. I had the same thing happen to me this time last year. My girlfriend and I were together for 11 years and very happy or so I thought. In November of 2016 she started having panic attacks and suffering anxiety. She was put on sertraline (Zoloft) and that was the beginning of the end. She was only on them for about 6 weeks then was switched to venlafaxine (Effexor) then  she wanted a break and I’ve never heard from her since. The last I heard is that she stopped cold turkey about 5 weeks after last seeing her.

 

its truly heartbreaking. Her friends and family don’t know what came over her and I couldn’t really say too much. She deleted me from all social media and basically acts like I never existed or at least that’s how it looks to me.

 

i truly feel your pain and hope and pray like mermaid says, my girlfriend will one day come to a realisation of what she did.

 

sending love and support 

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Mermaid17
1 hour ago, zeeheather said:

 

Hi Mermaid17,

Thank you for your response. He tapered the Paxil over a two week period (last dose 3 weeks ago), but said he had no withdrawals. He then stopped the Wellbutrin cold turkey about 2 weeks later. Said he had a miserable week, but was fine after that. 

He’s gotten a lot worse now. He stopped responding to my texts and emails. He just so mean and hurtful. My last few messages were just looking for a “why” and closure, because I’m so hurt. I can’t get over this pain, I’m off work right now because I can’t stop crying. His only response to what happened was “I don’t know what you want from me, I’ve tried to be nice. You weren’t the one for me, it’s time to move on.” And “I don’t know why you’re still confused. There’s nothing more I can say that I haven’t already.”

He lacks any empathy, he absolutely hates me. It’s scary to think that this might not be the medication. He seems to have gotten worse after he stopped the meds. 

Currently he’s going out drinking and meeting girls. Adding them to his Instagram, where he removed all pictures of me and him & I  together. 

 

I talked to his good female friend (she’s married to one of his best childhood friends). She told me that she didn’t know he was taking medication, but she hasn’t spoken to him in a while, cause they were so busy with moving and such. 

She did tell me that my boyfriend is known for shutting people out like this. She said “If he’s over (for lack of a better word) something, he’s over it. If he closes that door, he keeps it closed.” She said I probably won’t find closure from him, she felt really bad for me. 

 

I cant tell if this is how he deals with a breakup (just shuts down emotions and becomes cold, so he doesn’t have to deal with it) or if it’s still the medication affecting him. It hurts to see him moving on so quickly, trying to get as much attention from girls as he can. (And not even girls he’s usually attracted to, which is odd) 

 

What hurts the most though, is not knowing what happened. Why does he HATE me so much, when I didn’t do anything. And he truly hates me and wants nothing to do with me, erased all our memories. 

 

The way in which he has ended your relationship is like he followed the template for how people end relationships on this medication. It is the meds honey. There is an article by someone I believe named John Carpender who writes about this phenomenon. They absolutely become hostile towards their loved one. I feel it just like the part of their brain in which we live, in which we existed for them, is completely blocked and obliterated. They simply cannot process us anymore and in the case with your loved one, often seek out new relationships that are very different From relationships they have traditionally sought out.  Those other relationships can provide that dopamine boost that we no longer can. But those relationships are not founded in love, or not founded with someone making intentional choices. They are drugged. You do not hear about people making really good healthy relationships while high on heroin. It is so hard to not take personally because they look and sound and appear to be who they are, but trust they have completely changed.

 

So many people come off the meds and cannot believe the choices they made while medicated. They feel it is as if someone hijacked their bodies And lived their life for them. Like waking from a nightmare. I doubt he will even remember much of this time. Because he did not taper slowly enough he is likely going to be acting drugged for sometime because withdrawlal can make people even worse off than they were just holding steady on their dosage.  Just know that our brains do want to heal and go back to normal. Given enough time off the medication the fog should begin to lift at some point and he will begin to question things.

 

It is just hell to be in the place you are in though right now. I know it is. My husband left me within weeks of the birth of our third child. After 15 years together. Because we have kids I have seen him pretty much every day the last year and a half but it wasn’t until he began reducing his dosage last summer but I began to see parts of his actual person returning. His feelings for me are still completely blocked but I have hope. 

 

 We are here for you. I know not everyone is comfortable talking about faith openly, but for me it is the only thing that has gotten me through this. I have prayed and prayed and prayed and received indications from the Lord that he will return to me. And the advice to take care of yourself is also incredibly important. You really are just going to have to wait until the drugs have cleared his system enough for him to understand what has happened to him. Try to revel in your love for him still though, root yourself down in it. I believe love does not die. You cannot make yourself unlove someone. So if you have no choice but to love him despite all this pain then love him with abandon still. That is my advice. I will say some prayers for you.

 

 

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zeeheather

Henry, thank you. I am also so sorry to hear that you've gone through this (and are still going through it). My boyfriend and I weren't together as long as you and your girlfriend, I can't imagine having that kind of connection and this happening. I love my boyfriend so much, we were living together, we had so many plans. I hope that there is still hope for all of us, that these drugs aren't as strong as our love. 

 

 


Mermaid17, it's crazy how this template is almost so exact for everyone, yet doubt still gets the best of us. "Maybe I'M the odd one out." "Maybe this is true for everyone else, but MY boyfriend just doesn't love me." The hostility and the hate is the one thing I can't make sense of, in a weird way it gives me hope. I never in a million years would've believed that my boyfriend could lack empathy so much, or turn on me when I was in need, or kick me while I'm down. 

I do hope that because he didn't taper slow enough, that his brain is still very much in that fog. He does seem himself, except when I'm involved. Well, he goes out on weekends now for drinks, he never did that before. He's a super healthy and active guy and never enjoyed wasting the next day feeling hungover, or wasting money on alcohol. He's also interacting with girls he would never have been attracted to, it's as if he's getting whatever attention he can, seeking that feeling he's missing. I still have his Christmas presents, I had bought them right before he ended things with me. I tried to give them to him last week, was just going to leave them on his porch cause he didn't want to see me. He told me he'd let me know a time that day or the next when he would be out...he never messaged me. So I still have them, hoping that I'll be able to give them to him in person one day.

I am sorry you had to go through this after giving birth, what horrible timing. I guess there is good and bad about seeing him everyday, the good is that you can see his progress and you don't lose that connection..but the bad would be having to see him everyday and be reminded how much he doesn't feel towards you. I don't know what I'd choose at this point. I'm happy that you're seeing a change in him though, even if it's just a little change.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine where I'd be without this forum. I've been private messaging with a member who went through this with her husband, his feelings came back after his taper. So it's nice the hear positive outcomes. It's crazy what strangers can do for each other when it seems all hope is lost. I appreciate your words, advice and hope...it really does help. I was having some bad anxiety and after reading these posts, it has eased up.
 

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Mermaid17
5 hours ago, zeeheather said:

I never in a million years would've believed that my boyfriend could lack empathy so much, or turn on me when I was in need, or kick me while I'm down. 

It is so validating to hear you say this. It is exactly like that. So In a way, though their extreme behavior causes an incredible amount of pain, it also validates that it is simply not who they are. It gives all the more legitimacy to the fact that drugs have changed them. This is not their person and they never would’ve chosen this.

 

 If you don’t mind perhaps you could get me in touch with the person you have private messaged with. I have reached out to a few people but I’m not getting consistent responses from them. 

 

As far as seeing him every day is concerned, when I think about what it would be like if he had really died, I think I would be thrilled to have the kind of contact I have even though it can still hurt so much. It is better to have that than nothing when I think of it like that. Stay strong. This kind of love, really any kind of love, love at all is absolutely worth fighting for and praying for and waiting for.

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zeeheather

It's true. It's hard though to fully believe. After speaking to his good friend, she said "this is what he does"..if he doesn't like someone, or someone wronged him, he shuts a door on them and won't open it. When he's done, he's done. I even have an example of that: My bf's best friend tried to hook up with his ex girlfriend (she and my bf had just broken up after like 8 years together) and his friend tried to weasel his way in. For a while I think he shut this guy off, was done with him. But when I met my boyfriend, they were friends again. During our relationship, the same friend p*ssed him off again (my bf's family was coming to canada from florida to bury his grandfather. They happened to be coming up the same day as this friend's brothers wedding. My bf felt bad, but obviously his grandfather's burial came first. Well when he told his friend he couldn't go to the wedding, he was annoyed and didn't even acknowledge the reason my bf was missing the wedding, just kind of cold shouldered him. So my bf was DONE. Stopped responding to his messages. When he and I broke up, they still hadn't seen each other or talked to each other in months. I just saw them interacting on social media the other day, so I guess with his personality change, he's welcoming that toxic friendship back into his life)


What sucks, is that the only single friends my boyfriend has in his life for support are very self-centred and narcissistic, love going to bars to meet girls. So they are bad influences to be around. The one jerk friend from the stories above never really liked me. When I came into my bf's life, they were both single and always hanging out/working out together. I could tell he was annoyed if my boyfriend wanted to work out with me or if my bf gave me a goodbye/hello kiss in front of his friend. He started getting into my boyfriend's head, telling him i was clingy and crap (this was the beginning of our relationship, when we were both excited and always wanted to be in contact, he visited me at work all the time, just so he could see me. Texted me every night/every morning with sweet things.) Anyway, that friend made him think I was too much, we managed to get over that little bump after he realized what we had made him happy...so I can only imagine now that this friend is back in his life, what he's saying about me and our relationship.

His other friends are all married with kids, so he doesn't often see them, definitely not enough for them to notice a personality change. But because of how he treated that one friend (shutting him out), I'm worried that is what he's doing to me...even though I never did anything bad to him, never offended him, hurt him, annoyed him. By his own admission, when we had our first ridiculous argument after he was on the first med, he said "I haven't felt like myself in a couple of weeks, I don't know what is causing me to feel this way, maybe it's the drugs." He apologized for it seeming like he wasn't into the relationship anymore, but went back to "I don't know why, my brain is messed up." And he said he didn't think it was because he didn't want me there anymore. But after switching to Paxil, immediate zombie, no feelings towards me, looks of disgust, cringing when I touched him. Then I move out and bring on the hate and anger and irritation that I keep messaging him.

Bahh, as you can tell, I am just constantly back and forth. I had a major breakdown last night. Couldn't catch my breath or stop bawling. My friend ended up giving me an ativan, I also took a melatonin pill. Within 15-20 mins I was mellowed out, had stopped crying. Then got super tired and passed out. I couldn't stop thinking about him and what he was doing, I felt the pain all at once, I needed to just sleep and forget.

That was really long, sorry. I'll private message you her username.

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IHadPassion

Zee, as a guy who was on Paxil, I can definitely attest to the abrupt change in personality, especially with respect to romantic relationships.  I didn't notice it at the time, but looking back I turned into a total a-hole and treated those around me terribly.  I almost lost my wife over it, but she stuck it out.  Things slowly got better, but some effects have been permanent, albeit I was on Paxil for a couple years.  

 

With respect to your boyfriend, it's really a crap shoot.  If he was only on it for a short duration, it's likely that he'll return to his normal state of mind eventually.  What you're describing as his  increase in 'going out and drinking' almost sounds as if he's still on the drug.  Paxil is known for causing people to lose their inhibitions, drink more and engage in risky behaviors.  Is it possible he's actually still on it?  Having lived through the nightmare of withdrawal and suffering the permanent, life altering effects of psych drugs, I can say that you likely will be better off in the long run just moving on and using this as a learning experience to keep your loved ones away from psychiatric drugs.  

 

Also, be really careful with the Ativan.  It's very dangerous when taken continuously, even in small doses.

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zeeheather

IHadPassion, ... It does goes through my head, whether he's actually off it or not. I know he hated feeling like a zombie in the Paxil, but I remember right around him ending things with me, he refilled his prescription. He still had over two weeks left of his first prescription, then went and got another 30 pills. When I asked him about it, he said he thought he had a lot less left from the first one and would've eventually needed to refill for his taper. But he did start taking Wellbutrin after he went to his doc to taper off the Paxil (I don't believe he would make that up, bring another drug into the lie) His doctor gave him Wellbutrin to help with the Paxil withdrawal, my boyfriend mentioned some head zaps, but overall not a bad withdrawal from the Paxil. He then told me he went off Wellburtin cold turkey a couple of weeks later, and had a miserable week. He went to a cannabis clinic and got a card for CBD, which he told me he began taking a couple of weeks ago, says he has to take it every 5 hours to help, but it's helping his anxiety (I know he's def taking CBD, he went to the clinic and found out it was run by his old high school friend, got 50% off the card fee, he said his friend told him his Wellbutrin dose was too high, so my bf cut it in half. That only lasted a couple of days before his anxiety came back, so he went back to the original dose). So...I mean, I believe everything he's said about coming off the drugs, he has no reason to life to me anymore. But I do still wonder, because his personality is still so changed.

And to be fair, I am assuming he's going out drinking. He's added a few waitresses onto his social media. I haven't spoken to him in a week, he never mentioned going out (why would he). I know he partied on NYE, met a girl that night. Then every Thursday & Sunday he always goes out to watch football, I assume he still does that. But to be adding waitresses on social media, he has to be going to those pubs/bars. Maybe I'm worrying or going crazy and thinking he's doing more bad than he is.

It's so hard to let go, hearing other people's success stories and still feeling so much love for him (what he was at least). 

Thank you for responding, it's good to hear from both sides, even from people who tell me to move on. And that was the only time I've ever been desperate enough to take anything. I had a pretty bad breakdown and it wouldn't stop. I'm sticking to regular melatonin to help me sleep! Thank you for your concern though.

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Cnp412

Ok , so a year ago my wife of 11 years best friends childhood sweetheart, was having a lot of stress at a new job where she became the boss but also had the least amount of time and was the youngest person there. So with advice from a friend she went to a psych. She prescribed her Clonazepam, and Effexor. 3 weeks later we began to have off arguments, she seemed cold and uncaring, a month later she didn’t love me anymore, and 2 months later she was doing drugs and online dating even slept with a guy the first night she met him. All while I was starting a police academy. We have 2 children 6 and 4 years old. 4 months later I get pulled out of the academy to be told my wife was in the hospital. She was so happy with her new life without me and the partying she decided not to refill the scripts, accept everything came rushing back to her and she swore up and down she would never do those things and loved me etc etc etc . The the point where she admitted herself to a psych facility. They said she can’t quit cold turkey so they gave her a script for Prozac to begin weaning off, for 3 solid months I had my best friend back, she would sometimes cry and have guilt about the things she had. Done but I would reassure her it wasn’t her fault...... month 4 she couldn’t get out of bed during the day sleeping until 2pm sometimes, a side effect of having insomnia out of nowhere she all the sudden couldn’t sleep at all at night. So they put her on trazadone and back on clonazpan for when she has those panic attacks about the past damage of Effexor.. literally within a month of this cocktail the monster I described during Effexor has come roaring back. Emotionally blunted doesn’t care if she hurts me, kicked me out again, smoking weed all hours of the day let’s not forget I’m a police officer now and can’t have that. But it’s literally 8 times a day even around the kids. I try to tell her it’s he meds and she flips, now she has cut off all contact whatsoever, this all game literally a week after she wrote me a 7 page letter about how much she loved me and can’t live without me telling me how grateful she is that I stayed. Also the girl would rip my uniform off me when I walked in the door from work so there’s not like there was any issues there. I have been here before so I know what road is ahead, I still love her and want her back. But she just filed for divorce....... but a day later calls me crying saying she doesn’t know what she is doing to only shift on the phone 5 mins later after I use the word Prozac to say actually I do know what I’m doing. LoL. But for some reason she has decided to quit the Prozac cold turkey against all advice, and even the trazadone...... I have no clue if she is having side effects physically, but from what I can tell emotionally she is gone blunted and cold. Since quitting it’s been about 6 weeks, 20mg of Prozac and 125 mg of trazadone. Can anyone tell if and when I will see my real wife again if ever. Or if it’s even a possibility. Or is she gone forever. I truly wish she weaned.

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Cnp412

Actually she is down about 15lbs since quitting*

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zeeheather

Hi Cnp412, 

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this for a second time. I can’t even imagine. 

Just from the stories I’ve read, cold turkey can prolong the withdrawals and healing process. Hopefully she just needs more time to heal.  

 

I’m sorry I can’t be of much more help, as I’m sort of in the same boat as you with waiting, wondering, worrying. 

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Cnp412

I have massive news to report LOL.... out of no where yesterday my wife/ soon to be x wife. Who hasn’t wanted me anywhere near her, unblocked me and asked me to pick something up from the house. When I arrived she brought my kids outside I kissed them and back in they went. She gave me the paperwork, and we began to speak(first sign of caring to speak of us at all) needless to say we ended up in each other’s arms crying and kissing. Today same story.  Today marks  8 weeks off of Prozac cold turkey, and 1 week of trazadone cold turkey, still using her Clonazepam. But she isn’t being cold and mute like a zombi a very significant sign I think

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TeaBea

That's awesome news, Cnp412!   Just a few words from personal experience:  GO SLOW.  Accept what she has to offer.  Mirror her affection, but don't add more on top of that.  Her brain and feelings are still in transition, and too much stimulation might make her uncomfortable...just follow her lead.  My husband has been in withdrawal for 4 years (almost off! what little he's on now--4 tiny little beads of the capsule of Effexor--is just to keep from having withdrawal symptoms), and he had many "waves"....where he was mushy and touchy-feely (after the fog lifted and being capable of emotion came back), then he was stand-offish and didn't like being touched.  Then so irritable we fought over literally nothing.  Good luck to you both!!!!!

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Mermaid17

That so warms my heart Cnp412. I wonder if it surprised her as well or if she had been regaining feeling for you a little bit the last few days or weeks even. Please keep us posted! It sounds more likely than not she will experience some dark periods in the next few months given her rapid reduction, correct? Hang in there. Hugs!

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Konjo

It is really good sign but be careful. My ex had such ups during withdrawal. Once she called me crying and telling 'I love you' and just hours later was the opposite. 

 

After several months I had to return to Poland from US. She went to some kind of vacation with a new guy. Their 'relationship' lasted for 1 or 2 months and after that she called me again over Skype crying again and considering my visit to her. But few days later she put her profile on online dating sites. It was just 4 months off-pills.

 

In 6th month off pills she contacted me and even considered moving back to Poland. She visited me for a month, she initiated holding hands while walking etc. She even moved back part of her belongings. But just after her returning to States she moved to new guy apartment and started divorce process. They married wife a year after that,  

 

Totally she was just 4 months on Lexapro. 2 first months from zero to 15 mg. Several days on 20mg and rest weaning off.

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Konjo

One correction to above:

 

 But just after her returning to States she moved to new guy apartment and started divorce process.  

 

Should be 

 

 But just after her returning to States she moved to newest guy apartment and started divorce process. 

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Konjo

Cnp412 - any update about your situation? 

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EagleDoc

Yes Konjo, thanks for asking.  Because of her complex PTSD, she has severe separation anxiety and abandonment issues.  She would sleep all day, then get up and roam around all night, falling down in the bathtub and the stairs frequently, yelling, screaming, sobbing, banging on the walls, slamming doors, etc.  As it got closer to Christmas, which she hated, things escalated.  If I stayed home at night, things were even worse, so I stayed at a friend's house for three nights.  The fourth night, day before Christmas Eve, she went grocery shopping at 12:30 at night.  She came home at 01:30 and after bringing in part of the groceries, locked herself out.  I awoke to continuous doorbell ringing, pounding on the door and yelling at the top of her lungs.  I got up and opened the door, but she insisted on standing outside and yelling at me for not opening the door quickly enough.  I gently grabbed her shirt by the shoulder and tried to quiet her down in a soothing, pleading voice.  I tried to "guide" her into the house, but in her ataxic state, she tripped on the threshold and fell on the floor.  I tried to help her up, but she would have none of it and continued to berate me.  She finally got up on her own and began yelling at me some more.  The neighbors yelled through the walls to keep it down!!  I finally said if she didn't settle down, I would have to go sleep at Sarge's house again that night.  She told me that if I left that night, she would call 911 and tell them I 'threw her against the wall and beat her daily".  She wouldn't stop yelling, so I left.  She called 911 and told them I threw her against the wall and beat her daily.  The police called me and asked me to come home.  I needed time to comprehend and to get an attorney.  I was arrested for felony Domestic Violence the next day and spent Christmas Eve in the County Jail.  She got a restraining order so I can't contact her or get within 100 yards of her.  She is now back on some Prozac and realized what she did to me.  She has recanted her entire story and is trying to convince the District Attorney to drop the case against me.  I got a continuance on the arraignment and have court next week.  Wish me luck and pray for the both of us!!!  My problem is that I still love her so much, I truly felt she was my "soul mate".  My concern is when will she do this to me again the next time????

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Konjo

Oh. I'm really sorry about your situation. I hope that case will be dropped. Holy cow, what a roller-coaster!

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