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Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix

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dewayne76

mylifeisback... wow. I... that's horrible. I can't imagine how this must be making you feel. After 2 years and still having issues like this... see, I understand how different these meds can make people, and so I can easily see how strange this can make situations like this seem..and it's scary. Very scary, frightening because we all know that if it can change someone's mind so much so... that they (medicated people) CAN do harm to themselves or someone else. I hope this isn't making you feel more worried / scared, but it is something you need to think about. Perhaps even be 'preemptive" in how you behave and do things. Stay safe, keep your head up and I hope it clears over soon. 

On my end... I just found out that my ex is pregnant with the new man-child husband. She doesn't seem too thrilled, but than again she seems to be kinda... well in a mood that makes me think she may be second guessing her pregnancy. I don't think she's necessarily having second thoughts, but she just didnt' seem to be excited / filled with joy like she was with our daughter. In all.... it was a very ... well, I was taken aback by it very much. Not sure how I feel... not sure what words to use to describe how I feel or think about it. I have gotten to where I am having anxiety attacks daily, mild to moderate ones AND I have decided I am pretty depressed.. almost paralyzing me. Can't get motivated, stay in bed some days etc. I HAVE contemplated medication, but as we all know we need to MAKE DAM SURE its' something we need. And.. I feel I may have no choice. I've tried it before but that was when I was still going through the divorce etc and hopefully, now that I'm healed for the most part... I hope I can.. my mind can accept some kind of medication to help. Very scary situation for myself here... 

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mylifeisback

Dewayne, I understand completely what you are saying to me. I am getting a little worried that when he has these episodes he may harm the both of us. He seems better today but has headache. As for you I pray that you never needs meds. I do not believe or trust any of them. I can not imagine what you are going through with your ex, it would be nice if we could just turn or love and feelings off but unfortunately we can't.

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btdt

btdt, I spoke too soon. it has been a terrible afternoon for my husband. we drove an hour today for me to go to the eye doctor. I didn't realize at that time but he was quite. I went into the exam room and he stayed in waiting room. when I came out he didn't say much and did not seem to want to help me pick out my new frames. he was very distant towards me being very quite. when got back into the car he asked would I pay for supper, I said yes if we went somewhere not so expensive because I had just spend 500.00 on glasses. He wanted to go to an expensive place so I told him no. Well he got super mad and when I looked over at him he was crying. He wanted me to put him out and I refused. well a little tine went by and we were on the way home and he made me pull over and let him out. he told me to leave. so I did but just went a block or so and pulled over waiting for him to call. he did call abd wanted me to pick him up. we did not say one word all the way home. when we got home he went in tge bedroom abd closed the door. about 10 minutes later I went to check on him and he was in the bed. he rold me his brain is telling him to kill himself. he said he felt lije his head was foing going to explode just like when he stopped the celexa. its been over two years now, when will it stop? this is the second time it has been this bad.

he had a meltdown it happens he needs more rest have you showed him any of the self care things here there is thread devoted to it... deep relaxation and many other things... 

I find they work best when I do them every single day when I need them most for some stupid reason I resist them... you will find tons of other things to do there that may help.  

These widows and waves come and go for a long time... I would not be too worried that he will do stupid things so much as that he is suffering he is not going to run off to the stippers he is done with that part... he needs to take good care of his body and try to keep the stress low if that is possible if not siphoning the stress off before it build is a good idea I still need it.. we post wd folks have trouble with stress even Alto does.  

There are a lot of things to do to help limit caffeine eat well walk lots of things... check out the forum I think you will like it too. 

I am sorry it was a bad day and that is scares you but being part of a marriage means your part of this too... the stress reactions and falling down if you did the relaxation meditations together you may find it helps you both I hope it works... hang in there. 

peace

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DevastatedWife

Heya, You know, when I first read about the plane crash, my FIRST response was "Bet he was on meds".. so it seems as if he was now. 

 

I want peace as well. I wound up loving my ex way more than I realized I guess. I still find myself, almost 3 years later wanting to tell her about something in my day, or w/e. I feel like I can never love again. So I feel like I can't be fair to anyone if I try to date. So I've given up dating. Peace... that would be nice. Peace would be good, perhaps one day. I'd even like to be able to "feel" love again. . . but I fear that those days are gone. We'll see. 

 

Hope everyone's having a good week. 

 

 

mylifeisback... wow. I... that's horrible. I can't imagine how this must be making you feel. After 2 years and still having issues like this... see, I understand how different these meds can make people, and so I can easily see how strange this can make situations like this seem..and it's scary. Very scary, frightening because we all know that if it can change someone's mind so much so... that they (medicated people) CAN do harm to themselves or someone else. I hope this isn't making you feel more worried / scared, but it is something you need to think about. Perhaps even be 'preemptive" in how you behave and do things. Stay safe, keep your head up and I hope it clears over soon. 

 

On my end... I just found out that my ex is pregnant with the new man-child husband. She doesn't seem too thrilled, but than again she seems to be kinda... well in a mood that makes me think she may be second guessing her pregnancy. I don't think she's necessarily having second thoughts, but she just didnt' seem to be excited / filled with joy like she was with our daughter. In all.... it was a very ... well, I was taken aback by it very much. Not sure how I feel... not sure what words to use to describe how I feel or think about it. I have gotten to where I am having anxiety attacks daily, mild to moderate ones AND I have decided I am pretty depressed.. almost paralyzing me. Can't get motivated, stay in bed some days etc. I HAVE contemplated medication, but as we all know we need to MAKE DAM SURE its' something we need. And.. I feel I may have no choice. I've tried it before but that was when I was still going through the divorce etc and hopefully, now that I'm healed for the most part... I hope I can.. my mind can accept some kind of medication to help. Very scary situation for myself here... 

 

 

 

Dewayne - I know you don't know me but I prayed for you at church yesterday. Our priest was talking about healing and peace and I thought of this post. My mind literally immediately drew me to you. Dewayne......your posts were the first posts that I came across when I was down at my worst struggling for answers. I read them on paxil progress (I believe that's where it was) and I looked at the FB you created.  Your words were the first words that gave me hope to know that I wasn't crazy and just trying to make up excuses for this bizarre behavior.  When the medical community, friends, coworkers, and even my own children were ready to say that anti-depressants couldn't do this to someone, it was your words that encouraged me to look further and deeper.

 

The last year and a half that my husband has been off of these crazy pills and I now have a new reality of what my marriage is, sometimes I struggle with the decision that I stayed. I was ready to completely let go, I was even ready to forgive him just so I could move on.  Forgiveness is for yourself not for the person that harmed you. I struggle with forgiving him now because I face him every day.  I'm still working on it.  I was so lost in my own world that I started running (not something that  ever thought I would do) but nothing helped me find peace.  So I started going to church.  Completely out of my comfort zone! I'm not saying go to church they have all the answers, I'm just telling saying maybe step out of your comfort zone try something that you never thought was for you and you may be surprised.  For me, I came to see that this world was very very broken and the only peace I found came from going to church. I also feel that I went through all of this to help other families that are hurting. 

 

Please don't give in to the negativity of your situation.  First you need to get healthy. Try to do some cardio 3 times a week, it's a natural antidepressant. Second, you will never move on until you find a way to forgive you ex-wife.  This is difficult but you deserve happiness and hanging onto this is not healthy for you or your daughter. Dewayne - you have so much to offer someone and that person is out there for you. Don't let your ex-wife's actions keep you from living your own life happily.  Life so short and precious, don't waste another minute of it.......choose happiness.  Your daughter is young and she needs stable adults in her life, choose happiness for her sake as well.  

 

Dewayne - you have helped so many people by sharing your story. This subject is so sensitive and no one wants to see these drugs for what they are.  You made such an impact on my life and I don't even know you, please know that I'm praying for you because you deserve peace and you deserve happiness!

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dmpjhp

Dewayne and Mylifeisback,

I have followed both of your stories from the beginning and I am so sorry you are both going through hard days right now. I'm praying peace for both of you and your families.

In my case, nothing but bad. It's been almost a year since he "disappeared" after a long roller coaster ride. We have had limited contact, he is cold and hostile.

We are in the process of separating all finances so we can sign divorce papers. I still cry most days but I am learning to accept what I can't change. I cannot fix him. I truly believe he is sick. He would have never done this to me if he weren't.

He took his last Lexapro almost two years ago (April 27, '13) and ironically stopped all contact with me April 20, '14, practically a year to his last day of pills.

It's hard for me to comprehend that it's still effects of the antidepressant. I just spend most days trying to forget what a great relationship we had or how wonderful he was as a husband. That man is gone.

May God bring healing to us all.

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Konjo

Same here. My ex W took her last pill of Lexapro on Apr 14, 2013. It was long roller-coaster since then. Several men etc. She even visited me here in Europe during Christmas 2013. She had a plan to move back from US to Europe, she even bring part of her stuff here, At the end of her stay something flipped again and she asked me to sing divorce papers. Jan & Feb  2014 we have regular contact ove Skype and chat and she cried saying that divorce is not a good idea. In March 2014 she wanted to finalize it again. I cut all contacts with her (except legal issues) in Apr 2014. From Apr 2014 she is living with another man. 

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btdt

Dewayne and Mylifeisback,

I have followed both of your stories from the beginning and I am so sorry you are both going through hard days right now. I'm praying peace for both of you and your families.

In my case, nothing but bad. It's been almost a year since he "disappeared" after a long roller coaster ride. We have had limited contact, he is cold and hostile.

We are in the process of separating all finances so we can sign divorce papers. I still cry most days but I am learning to accept what I can't change. I cannot fix him. I truly believe he is sick. He would have never done this to me if he weren't.

He took his last Lexapro almost two years ago (April 27, '13) and ironically stopped all contact with me April 20, '14, practically a year to his last day of pills.

It's hard for me to comprehend that it's still effects of the antidepressant. I just spend most days trying to forget what a great relationship we had or how wonderful he was as a husband. That man is gone.

May God bring healing to us all.

It is a really difficult thing to sort out especially when the person trying to do the sorting does not realize the power of these drugs to change people and even if they do there is a surreal feel about it all... nobody wants it to be real and it feels  so unreal... it is easy to say hey it was something else... at one point I was hoping for a brain tumor as that may have made things make sense... then they could cut it out maybe and I could have a life again... I know sounds odd and way out there... but it can be that bad that strange to the person living it as nothing is real or everything is... it seems all this cannot exist in the same universe and yet there it is.

I guess I am trying to say the sorting is extreme and changes subtle in some ways profound in others .. but all the while they are stealth... to the person living it.  Like a computer with a trojan it is being run and it does not know it... can't help it and files are corrupted far beyond what can be seen and everything you do is affected....even when it is found ... bits of it remain hidden and wiping out the system is not so easy when it is a brain.. it cannot be F disked... if that means anything to you... it means wiping out a computer and starting over... 

 

Which may in fact be something like what is actually going on when the brain/body tries to heal itself... we have to keep in mind that our systems the human system has not developed to deal with this sort of attack... so the brain/body does not know how to heal this there is no encoding on how to fix it each system is doing a trial and error... fix as it goes... each human trying to heal from this is doing something not humanly known in the past. 

 

It takes a long time to heal it takes a long time to sort out the fallout ...EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW IT IS GOING ON AND HAVE SUPPORT FROM A PLACE LIKE THIS ... it cannot be rushed.  I can't imagine what a person would be thinking to be living through personality change and withdrawal physical and mental changes and not know the drug was causing all the changes that were going on physical and emotional and mental/cognitive symptoms. Maybe I can imagine it as I went thru this wd thing before I was put back on drugs to treat wd... and I was thinking I had a brain tumor... really. 

 

It takes as long as it takes and it took me longer than 2 years with support and learning from 8 months in... which is when I found my first bit of truth it likely took my much longer to get caught up and to believe the drug had made me who and what I was at that point... it likely took a few years even with cramming... and getting lucky. 

 

I know that is a long long time to wait... for something that may never happen... I am just saying it takes a long long time for some of us. 

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btdt

Same here. My ex W took her last pill of Lexapro on Apr 14, 2013. It was long roller-coaster since then. Several men etc. She even visited me here in Europe during Christmas 2013. She had a plan to move back from US to Europe, she even bring part of her stuff here, At the end of her stay something flipped again and she asked me to sing divorce papers. Jan & Feb  2014 we have regular contact ove Skype and chat and she cried saying that divorce is not a good idea. In March 2014 she wanted to finalize it again. I cut all contacts with her (except legal issues) in Apr 2014. From Apr 2014 she is living with another man. 

Sorry it came to that Konjo... I can't recall your old name and am trying too... I know you by your story.  I wonder if more time would make any difference .. then again how much time are you suppose to give... I get that too... waiting and hoping sucks ... I know 

 

I was reading about a lady who is off drugs two years today she is talking about how she changed off meds... to the point of asking for an open marriage... I don't know this is a new twist... but I guess anything is probable these are not just one drug these are many different drugs under the same name "antidepressants"  

I think the people here would find her thread interesting ... to say the least take a look

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1265-the-med-free-you-marriage-difficulties/

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dmpjhp

It would be easier to believe that it is still the effects of the pills if he was still going back and forth. It was a complete up and down and even he realized it for a year and a half.

But, this past year has been no going back. He is completely convinced this is how he will feel forever. He even said "I will always feel this way", knowing that he felt completely different a few months prior.

BTDT, only on Lexapro for four months, cold turkey and then on sporadically for about six weeks. Could that short of a span cause this much damage?

He had an amazing four month window, but that abruptly ended last April and nothing since.

Makes no sense to me.

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btdt

It would be easier to believe that it is still the effects of the pills if he was still going back and forth. It was a complete up and down and even he realized it for a year and a half.

But, this past year has been no going back. He is completely convinced this is how he will feel forever. He even said "I will always feel this way", knowing that he felt completely different a few months prior.

BTDT, only on Lexapro for four months, cold turkey and then on sporadically for about six weeks. Could that short of a span cause this much damage?

He had an amazing four month window, but that abruptly ended last April and nothing since.

Makes no sense to me.

It makes no sense to anyone and he would not be the first to think he would be like this forever... I think we all think that at some point. I had a long long bout of wd 2 plus years from my first dance with an Ad it was 2wks of prozac I have seen even a less days of use cause as much and more damage.  I know it sounds impossible... it does to me too.  Yet it has happened and it continues to happen every friggin day... to unsuspecting people. There is a guy on her now who only took 3 pills.. there was Elixer Monkie from pp who took only a couple of pills. 

 

I do wonder if the drug damaged something inside us that does not come back online for me I ended up in a pain clinic dx with fibromyalgia... which may have something to do with mitochondria damage and prozac does cause mitochondria damage... it is always the way that there is never any money to research such things.  So it lays thick in the air as an unstudied possibility. 

 

I felt like I was going to be done with wd soon I was so close and had such a wonderful wave long ago... then it all came back on me like a dark storm... moving in... and stayed a good long time.  Symptoms shift and change all the time and for me they included a deep negativity I could not shake I was stuck there for months... very gradually it shifted. They say healing this is like a rubics cube ... shifts and turns... and I think it sounds about right ... it is always moving just when

you think you can handle one stage there will be a shift and the rug will be pulled out from under yet again. 

 

If you look at CW for instance just now she is in a dark spot after a window... she feels stuck and this is how it goes... it is the nature of the wd beast. 

 

Again if you can get him to read and try some of the self help pages here it may actually help him... and you. For most people this does seem to end... I hope he is one of them... if it does not go away completely it eases for most given enough time ... it does take a long time. 

 

Further drug use and/or trauma will set it all back .. that is what happened.. to me.. and stress may always be an issue... a lot of people who think of themselves as recovered are set back to wd symptoms from stress... being hypersensitive to stress is bad and further drug use be it antibiotics that look simple or many other drugs can cause a set back...sometimes a major set back things like birth control... I know you think nothing of them... and other things like bp meds... all can affect wd... it is all in this site and so much more. 

 

The having a short wick and blowing up at you like he did... that has happened to me too... and you know what I was as surprised ad the person I blew up at ... no warning it was coming .. it was sudden and after it happened I needed to escape too and felt my head may explode... again ... I don't know why it happens but I know it does happen... and I know it takes some time to recover from ...even the physical side effects of having that explosion... then there is the other bits about it that make no sense and cannot be figured out there seems to be not reason or rhyme no matter how I try to justify it ... there was no reason.. or very little for the explosion... none that makes sense ...

 

other than something went off in my head and I acted badly 

 

that is it.  

 

is this my brain healing?  I don't know.  

is this my brain expressing the damage done to it?  I don't know 

 

I do know it happens and a long long time can come between explosions but it can happen again and next time it will be very much the same... something goes off in the head... an explosion ... then time to recover needs to happen. I wonder if we all thought about it as biological if it would carry less weight and be easier to over come to me it sure feels biological... like having to sneeze I could not stop it if I knew it was coming and I do not know it is coming. 

 

hope that helps some it is how it is with me... it happens less and less but add a drug reaction or illness it is more apt to occur. 

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Konjo

BTDT, only on Lexapro for four months, cold turkey and then on sporadically for about six weeks. Could that short of a span cause this much damage?

He had an amazing four month window, but that abruptly ended last April and nothing since.

Makes no sense to me.

 

dmpjhp,

 

My ex w was on Lexapro just for four  months and she never reached full dose. One month of four was reaching 15mg from 0. Last month was tappering down.

 

 

"Single dose of antidepressant changes the brain"

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/09/140918121436.htm

 

It is about Lexapro and just one pill.

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dmpjhp

Devastated Wife, yes we are Christians but he has not attended church or prayed since this happened. He had to come to the house and get his bible last winter to speak at his aunts funeral. Had not even carried it with his when he moved out a year earlier. Yes, we are living apart and seldom see each other. He is pretty hostile so I'd rather not have contact.

Btdt, he doesn't blow up at me (you may have been directing this to someone else). He is never abusive and we never argue or fight. He is cold and his tone is hostile. You are so right about stress. He doesn't handle it well and seems to be much worse toward me during his sport seasons (he is a two sport coach and is in the middle of a season now).

I want to believe he will heal from this but I just don't know anymore. A full year with only one very small window (if it could even be called that). Last October we were texting and he said he would think about going to talk to a therapist together. He has always been adamantly against any therapy. A few weeks later I asked him if he had thought about it and he said there was no need for him to talk to anyone, he was fine. Actually, I think he had completely forgotten our earlier conversation. He struggles with his memory.

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dmpjhp

Konjo,

Hard to believe but we are living it I guess.

My H is extremely sensitive to medications, always has been. He slept for almost 24 hours at the beach once after taking a Dramamine while deep sea fishing. Slept an entire weekend after taking an antibiotic once. He is not a drinker so none of this was mixed with alcohol. I just have to believe his biological makeup made him more susceptible to ADs.

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dewayne76

BT, no worries. I hoped you'd understand me by now that if I were to even think about taking some kind of medicine that it would be a last ditch effort... a 'no other option' kinda thing. And it kinda is. 

My daughter is the most important thing to me. I don't even think I can trust another woman in my life (romantically) so I do not even think about love much anymore. I have my roommate but I think I'm just happy being friends with her. She said she's happy with her life and our friendship and I am as well. She's great to my daughter and that's what counts. 

I get to where I can't even get out of bed. Or get off the computer. I hardly play my games anymore. I do not paint.. well not like I used to. This motorcycle gas tank has taken me 2 months now and it was suppose to have been done in 4 weeks. I get discouraged way easier than I ever did before. I do not know why. I just know that this is what it is... and my will power and mind isn't enough to trumph it... at least not as of yet. 

Back to the ex. I often wonder if it's not me subconsciously hoping she WOULD get back to normal.. at least enough to be like my friend was before so we could talk and be friends like we were... at least THAT person would give me a sincere apology. But I also know that if that were to happen, she'd eventually want to fix things. And I just don't think I can do that. As far as her healing.. well if you remember, she "allegedly" quit, then got back on them "allegedly" which we truly don't know if she even quit in the first place. I feel that she didn't. That she lied in an attempt to get me to shut the hell up about them. Which at the time I wasn't 'hounding' her about it anymore. Just randomly asked once in a while. SO! She IS pregnant.. and IF SHE DID tell the truth about being off of them since she quit her stressful job (I think she got fired)... that puts us back to square one, allegedly being off for a month or two. No more than 3. SO!..... if we're back to square one of a few months... well we all know that that's a drop in the hat compared to what most people see changes in. Too many people didn't see changes that resembled themselves till after a year or more.
 

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dmpjhp

Dewayne, I had no idea she had admitted to still being on the pills! Don't know how I missed that.

I suspected that all along.

If you don't mind, how long do you think she was off before she started back? Or, do you think she never went off? That would explain so much!

Do you think she will taper off now that she is pregnant?

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mylifeisback

My husband is over this last meltdown, it really took a lot out of him mentally and physically. The day after the meltdown he could hardly put one foot in front of the other he said he was totally exhausted and drained.I know he has a long recovery ahead of him. as I also have a long recovery ahead of me.

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dewayne76

mylifeisback, I can only imagine, but I'm sure it was rough. You're still going to have these rough patches, as long as you both know that going INTO one, it should (theoretically) make it much better. 


My ex; I have no idea! I really think she may have been on them all along. My ex at the time was lying about absolutely EVERYTHING, "bullshitting" everyone on everything. Even if it was nothing... like talking about a cool kite that she (never really saw) at walmart... ya know? Small b/s like that. SO! I dont' know, it could've just as easily been w/d as much as it was the medicine. 

IF SHE DID quit, I'd say she quite for a month or two and got back on them. See, that's the thing, I think that IF SHE DID... quit, someone (her sis in law) convinced her to stay on the meds because of her stress, not realizing it was w/d all along causing her grief. Soooo... I'm kinda looking at it like she never quit. 

Pregnancy; yes, I think she's completely off now. But I am 99.9999999999999% sure she did no kind of taper. So we'll see. If she does start waking up, I'll try to be there for her, I'll try to help her and I'll try to be her friend, but things can never be the way they were. Especially with her having a child. I could never (I think) do that. Adopt a child? Sure, share a child? No. 

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btdt

 

Mag here from Topix.

 

I lost my hope last year and I moved on.

 

Why I'm still here? 

 

I'm still figuring out how to share my experience of beeing with somebody put on such powerfull drugs with others. 

 

 

 

Sorry it came to that Konjo... I can't recall your old name and am trying too... I know you by your story.  I wonder if more time would make any difference .. then again how much time are you suppose to give... I get that too... waiting and hoping sucks ... I know 

 

 

 

Yes it is something that takes some figuring out... mostly cause we don't know all there is to know yet.  So much of it seems to be left for the general public to figure out on their own.. there is a section here on SA with medical journal post that can be interesting and may add to your understanding.  

 

I think since you still know her though you have limited contact you may still here how she is doing over the years and that in itself is interesting to people here.  We are all interested in figuring out this puzzle .. that is how it seems to me it seems like a big puzzle with missing pieces that makes it difficult to understand. 

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btdt

 

BTDT, only on Lexapro for four months, cold turkey and then on sporadically for about six weeks. Could that short of a span cause this much damage?

He had an amazing four month window, but that abruptly ended last April and nothing since.

Makes no sense to me.

 

dmpjhp,

 

My ex w was on Lexapro just for four  months and she never reached full dose. One month of four was reaching 15mg from 0. Last month was tappering down.

 

 

"Single dose of antidepressant changes the brain"

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/09/140918121436.htm

 

It is about Lexapro and just one pill.

 

Very interesting I wonder what others here would say about this ....

 

I looked up the journal or tried too.

http://www.cell.com/current-biology/abstract/S0960-9822(14)01037-9?_returnURL=http%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS0960982214010379%3Fshowall%3Dtrue

 

Every time I post something in the journal section I get in trouble and get another strike against me ... 4 strikes and your banned from here I have 3 now... mostly for posting in correctly int he journal section...which is here:

 

 http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/16-from-journals-and-scientific-sources/

 

If anyone wants to give it a shot go ahead I need to protect my limited strikes... Maybe I will put it in the media section it is safe. :) 

Good find :)

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justwanttobefree

Oh my god can somebody please help me. I met my husband ON the drugs and we were madly in love and got married. Within 3 months of stopping Prozac (10mg CT) it was gone. I haven't been able to feel even a smidgen of love, affection, or connection in 4-5 months ???? I also can't feel any happiness, joy, or excitment but I can feel fear and sadness. Please tell me this will go away!! I'm running on blind faith and the memory of love right now but it's getting harder every day!

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btdt

It is a normal wd thing to not have any feelings when in wd... seems most people have it to some extent. 

Sadly I don't think this is the right thread to find folks to sooth your worries as the people here have been sadly effected by these drugs in relation to their marriages. 

Lets just hope your feelings eventually come back and that you are once again madly in love.  For most people who have lived thru this the best outcome is to keep the marriage together. 

 

I am sure others will come and talk to you about this ... wishing you peace.

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mylifeisback

I am having one of those hurtful moments. I hate when this happens, I hate that my husband did this to me. He could have done anything other then cheat on me. Why did this happen, I still have a hard time understanding. Why would he want another am I nor enough? or was I not enough? Sometimes its just to overwhelming.

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btdt

I am having one of those hurtful moments. I hate when this happens, I hate that my husband did this to me. He could have done anything other then cheat on me. Why did this happen, I still have a hard time understanding. Why would he want another am I nor enough? or was I not enough? Sometimes its just to overwhelming.

 

No matter how many times I see this and how solid a person has been in their knowing this was a drug induced reaction that affected the marriage those hurt who were not on the drugs have their own symptoms to deal with... and we see this coming up again and again without many resources to help.  It would be one thing if this was well known by the supportive agencies shinks counselors ect but since it is not well know and steps are taken to see that is never is.. ( like the topix site going ect) WE here will continue to see this.  

 

I don't know how I can ease your mind on this one other than to say people have walked away from their kids their jobs their entire lives because of personality changes due to these antidepressant drugs... the drug users are not trying to hurt you tho I know you are hurt it is not the same as if they had done these things without taking the drug. 

 

Please take a look at all the other changes that confirmed for you in the past that this was indeed a drug reaction those changes that convinced you in the beginning at the same today as they were then.  Look at how things changed and how many other people had the exact same thing... read the stores of the ones who have lost their spouses and kid because they did not care when they were taking the drugs... hear the heart ache... cause it is real.  

 

There are other stories too the ones of people on this board including me who feel like they woke up years later in a completely new life circumstance they feel is unreal to them... I hope this helps. 

 

peace

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dewayne76

btdt, I rarely disagree with you, but... "Oh my god can somebody please help me. I met my husband ON the drugs and we were madly in love and got married. " 

I feel she is in the right thread topic. 

Justwanttobefree;  My now ex wife was on Citalopram.. 20mg and inside of 6 months we were as torn apart as a couple could be and getting divorced. Prior? We were that sickening couple that people "wanted to puke" over. We still had date nights after 11 years together, we were doing great as parents to a then 2.5 year old daughter etc. We'd had our big bumps in the road and had hit the new clearing... it was all us, from now on.... until the drugs. 3 months on the meds and she was completely different. 

It's the meds. I promise you. However, you'll most likely go back and forth in how you feel. I know it stinks and I can only imagine, because your story is switched as to mine. You "fell in love" while on meds... now that you're off, you can't feel things towards this person. Well, my ex, is now with a guy that she'd never accept being with. A lazy, man-child that thinks he can work part time at a theater and play video games for the rest of his life. No sense of responsibility at all in this kid....  

I fear that this may happen to my ex wife with her new husband. SHe's quit the meds because she's now pregnant.... if this happens to her, it's going to be a terrible mess for everyone. My daughter will be affected and so will this unsuspecting man of hers. 

I truly hope you get lined out soon... 

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btdt

"I feel she is in the right thread topic. "

 

I said if she is looking for people to tell her not to worry she may be in the wrong place ... as people here are going to say the love you pick while drugged will be different when your not drugged if you had a personality change on the drugs. 

 

Not everybody has a severe personality change but for those who do chances are they may well not like the person they picked when they were on drugs once they get off the drugs.... I don't think she really wants to hear that now it is scaring her to think it and she is in wd... plus most people have this wd "not feeling like loving anything" when they start going off drugs... she may not have had a big personality change ... we don't know. 

 

I think we are agreeing but what is helpful to her just now when she is just starting wd... is a toss up... if she has not had the big personality change folks here have had she may still be with the right guy who she would pick over again if not drugged too... during wd people feel like crap it is not a big stretch to... not feeling the love it ... it could just be that and ..if it is .. it would be in fact the best case scenario... 

 

Adding to her stress by suggesting this is how it goes all the time ... when we don't know that... not for people who did not have this big personality change and changed everything about who we and they thought they were... 

we don't know she had that... 

we don't know what exactly is causing this feeling now it could be either... but to tell her life as she knows is done when she is just starting wd... seems rather mean when we can't say for sure why add the stress onto her... 

 

Truth is Free we don't know... of course stay on the thread talk to people if you think it will help you sort it out... I just know the experiences people her have had and they has seen big changes in people they love when they started the drugs and have been left or hurt in other serious ways... that is what this thread is about. So what you get here will be from that perspective... 

peace all

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felin

How long did you take to taper off of your Prozac?

 

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.

 

I doubt it will help how you "feel" but do remember that love is more of a decision than a feeling. This is my opinion, course. I would encourage you to hang in, reminding yourself that you are withdrawing.

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dewayne76

"It's the meds. I promise you. However, you'll most likely go back and forth in how you feel. I know it stinks and I can only imagine, because your story is switched as to mine. You "fell in love" while on meds... now that you're off, you can't feel things towards this person."

This is the ONLY thing I addressed to her, the other parts were just my experience with my ex. It seems to me that you are accusing me of "doomsaying" onto her... which is not the case;

 

She quit meds / in wd... and her feelings changed; I said "It's the meds"... that's a given.

 

"You'll most likely go back and forth"... this too is most likely to happen, we see it in many, many people.

 

You "fell in love while on the meds"... this fact she stated herself. ;  I said "Now that you're off, you can't feel things towards this person" .. another fact that she stated, just not directly. Either way, it's the medicine. 

Btdt, all I said was "it's the meds". As we all know everyone comes on here asking the same old questions... that one line is 99% the most common response. It doesn't matter if it's WD, the beginning changes the drugs make, "Depression" setting back in after the meds leaving the body... either way.. IT IS THE MEDS. I said nothing to the like of "this is how it goes every time". NOthing like that at all. 

I do not know exactly what's going on with her... I didn't pretend to know and I didn't speak like I did know. It may be because it's late, it may be because I'm elevated on pain meds right now but your post seems to me, is directing that "only you can respond correctly".. and that's very aggravating to me. I think your post is putting words in my mouth, and jumping to conclusions compared to what I was actually saying / said. 

The more I think about it, the more strongly I feel about it. I think I'll just stop wasting my time on this site now. 

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mylifeisback

I feel it would be terrible to fall in love on the meds and then when got off of them realized you fell In love with someone you really do not even know. Just like my husband, what would he have done if he didn't realize what the meds were doing and he had left me for that prostitute. What would he have done when he came to his senses? Buy then it would have been to late for us. So I guess its really what happened to him, he feel for her while drugged and when he got off of them he loved me again. So what she is going through is the same as all of us we are just hearing another side. I youunderstand this message.

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DevastatedWife

Oh my god can somebody please help me. I met my husband ON the drugs and we were madly in love and got married. Within 3 months of stopping Prozac (10mg CT) it was gone. I haven't been able to feel even a smidgen of love, affection, or connection in 4-5 months I also can't feel any happiness, joy, or excitment but I can feel fear and sadness. Please tell me this will go away!! I'm running on blind faith and the memory of love right now but it's getting harder every day!

 

I have been for over 20 yrs........here's the deal..............Love is NOT a feeling, I repeat Love is NOT a feeling!  Marriage is about choice and commitment. There is so much I could say on this but what I am about to post says it better.

 

 

Love vs Feeling…

In ChoiceEncouragementGodLifeLoveMarriageMenRelationshipSelf esteemSinglewoman on January 12, 2007 at12:50 pm

 Love is demonstrative, it’s active, because we have been and are loved by God.

It did not say you love because you feel like only.  or love only those that deserve your love, but love without expecting anything in return. By the way Love has been described as a human experience that is manifested in feelings be it in behaviour, emotion or attitude to others in relationship or of one’s self.

The bible says Love is an attitude and action that is not determined by feelings or positive response from others deserving or undeserving. We can’t talk about Love and not quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

 

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

 

  Love is more than a feeling!

 

That can only be possible if you operate in God’s kind of love(Agape). The other kinds of love are a lot more based on Feelings, a more self centred love-sexual desire and physical craving, Erotic love (Eros).  Affections in a loving concern to a friend, brotherly- love (Phileos)

 

When we realize that the best, safest  kind of love is the God kind, not one base on feeling, cos feelings are changeable, unstable and can’t be truly trusted. They have the ability of distorting the truth.

Feelings are good indictors of Love, but still that can be tested…..

lets look at marriage which is made up of two people committed to one another in Love not feelings…..Marriage is not sustained by just the feelings you get in the earlier days of courtship, when your man/woman walks in to a room or you think about them….. :)  Remember when you were dating, and your partner could not upset, cos you felt so happy! looking in to there eyes and dreaming of a future with them forever…when he picks from your food at dinner you thought it was oh! so cute  :) …but couple of year into marriage that same thing you found cute now irritated you so!…

Well feelings will not keep you married for long, cos you are guaranteed to have bumps along the way … In fact you will feel hate for your partner at some time in the journey of  your marriage.

So what holds a marriage and keeps it strong during the times of shaking? …. but a vow, a commitment, a decision.

Love is not optional….Feelings are…Love is foundation, a corner stone nothing can be built without it….Feeling are ever changing.

 So what do you pick??

https://refinedone.wordpress.com/2007/01/12/love-vs-feeling/

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btdt

I feel it would be terrible to fall in love on the meds and then when got off of them realized you fell In love with someone you really do not even know. Just like my husband, what would he have done if he didn't realize what the meds were doing and he had left me for that prostitute. What would he have done when he came to his senses? Buy then it would have been to late for us. So I guess its really what happened to him, he feel for her while drugged and when he got off of them he loved me again. So what she is going through is the same as all of us we are just hearing another side. I youunderstand this message.

 

While I think it can and does happen we can't say that every person who meant and married a person while on antidepressants wakes up once off the drugs and wants a divorce this is not the case.  We do not know why it does happen to some people and not others it has been suggested that bad reactions in general are caused by some differences in how some people metabolize the drugs.  

The truth is we don't know why some people can take these drugs and be fine and others will not.  

 

Even different drugs can have different effects in the same person one ssri may be ok for and in the same person the next one is not ok.  As with all else involved in the use of these drugs most of what we long to know is simply UNKNOWN.  

 

They still don't KNOW how the drug works when it does work.  At the end of the day we are reflecting what we find.. like a mirror we are not saying how the drugs work or how or why they cause severe personality changes in one person and not another ... we are the refection of the action... we have no understanding of what causes the reaction. 

 

we are like cats looking in the mirror we see it but we do not understand it. 

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mylifeisback

just wanted to say I am doing some better with my husbands drugged decisions. He is really having a hard time as well with what he did. He also has some withdraws at different times but it to is getting better.

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DevastatedWife

just wanted to say I am doing some better with my husbands drugged decisions. He is really having a hard time as well with what he did. He also has some withdraws at different times but it to is getting better.

Mylifeisback - I'm glad you're doing better.  For me, I take it one day at a time.  I can't say that I will ever view my husband the same.  I was thinking very hard about it the last few days and I realized that I have lost all respect for him and I'm not really sure what to do with that revelation. I know that for men, being respected is like being loved so I wonder sometimes what the heck I'm doing.  I've been on other sites specifically for marriage but most of them do not address the issue of things were fine.....then came AD's & other prescription drugs....then craziness took over and the aftermath of the drugs.  So many people think that this is an excuse and had I not seen the transformation with my own eyes I would have been one of them as well.  Your journey is very similar to mine and I can honestly say that I feel your ups and downs.  

 

I sometimes get super angry thinking about all of it.  I do get angry at him for trusting the doctors, not reading the damn side effects, not questioning the necessity of these drugs!  Then I think of how we were all brought up to trust our doctors and then I just get pissed off all over again.  I had given myself a timeline to decide whether to continue the marriage or leave and it was a few weeks ago and I'm still uncertain of what to do which has left me feeling completely out of control. I also can't help but wonder if I would have been afforded the benefit of the doubt if it had been the other way around but I guess I'll never know that.  

 

I read something the other day that really struck a chord with me too...it was written to an unfaithful spouse and it resonated with me because I could say it to both him and doctors, and the drugs!

"You will never be able to appreciate the hurt that I feel, even 2 years later, and that I know I will always continue to feel.  You will never understand the loss of respect that I have for me for staying with you, despite this.  You will never understand the harm you caused our family.  I hope whatever you were looking for, the ego boost, or whatever, was worth the pain that you caused."

 

Of course I know that he didn't begin to take these drugs to intentionally hurt our family and himself but its hard living in the aftermath of these drugs, especially when there is very little support out there for it.  I see effects of this entire episode in our lives daily and it's really hard sometimes.  Sorry all I just really needed to vent a little bit.

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btdt

 

just wanted to say I am doing some better with my husbands drugged decisions. He is really having a hard time as well with what he did. He also has some withdraws at different times but it to is getting better.

Mylifeisback - I'm glad you're doing better.  For me, I take it one day at a time.  I can't say that I will ever view my husband the same.  I was thinking very hard about it the last few days and I realized that I have lost all respect for him and I'm not really sure what to do with that revelation. I know that for men, being respected is like being loved so I wonder sometimes what the heck I'm doing.  I've been on other sites specifically for marriage but most of them do not address the issue of things were fine.....then came AD's & other prescription drugs....then craziness took over and the aftermath of the drugs.  So many people think that this is an excuse and had I not seen the transformation with my own eyes I would have been one of them as well.  Your journey is very similar to mine and I can honestly say that I feel your ups and downs.  

 

I sometimes get super angry thinking about all of it.  I do get angry at him for trusting the doctors, not reading the damn side effects, not questioning the necessity of these drugs!  Then I think of how we were all brought up to trust our doctors and then I just get pissed off all over again.  I had given myself a timeline to decide whether to continue the marriage or leave and it was a few weeks ago and I'm still uncertain of what to do which has left me feeling completely out of control. I also can't help but wonder if I would have been afforded the benefit of the doubt if it had been the other way around but I guess I'll never know that.  

 

I read something the other day that really struck a chord with me too...it was written to an unfaithful spouse and it resonated with me because I could say it to both him and doctors, and the drugs!

"You will never be able to appreciate the hurt that I feel, even 2 years later, and that I know I will always continue to feel.  You will never understand the loss of respect that I have for me for staying with you, despite this.  You will never understand the harm you caused our family.  I hope whatever you were looking for, the ego boost, or whatever, was worth the pain that you caused."

 

Of course I know that he didn't begin to take these drugs to intentionally hurt our family and himself but its hard living in the aftermath of these drugs, especially when there is very little support out there for it.  I see effects of this entire episode in our lives daily and it's really hard sometimes.  Sorry all I just really needed to vent a little bit.

 

"I read something the other day that really struck a chord with me too...it was written to an unfaithful spouse and it resonated with me because I could say it to both him and doctors, and the drugs!

"You will never be able to appreciate the hurt that I feel, even 2 years later, and that I know I will always continue to feel.  You will never understand the loss of respect that I have for me for staying with you, despite this.  You will never understand the harm you caused our family.  I hope whatever you were looking for, the ego boost, or whatever, was worth the pain that you caused.""

That is saying a lot with few words but for me it is a bit too mixed together for me a drug taker I feel betrayed by doctors drug companies our social construct in general that allows the corruption for capitalistic reasons. I feel that intensely... I could not swallow one more of these antidepressants even if my life were at stake I would rather just pass thank you... I am done being played with... really done. 

 

It hurts me to know you continue to take your drug... him.... see how it is mixed up for me... as your loss of respect for him comes from his seemingly lack of respect for you ... all stemming from drugs... we could put it all on the drugs to be fair and leave him out of it... but as human as we are that is not going to fly day in day out when your feel hurt and damaged in the after  math. I get that... I can't imagine the amount of self control you have to muster to keep it all together... my hat is off to you.  I have a sense that your loyalty and love for him before this was great and your respect too and that has sustained you to this point .. plus not wanting to cause further damage to your lives by a break up. 

I kind of sense this.. I could be wrong. 

 

Let me tell you I feel the loss of respect most people have for me.. I feel it weighing heavily upon me... sometimes it digs in deep with claws and tried to pull my insides out... I know the things I did were wrong I know I deserve to be punished... I already said I will stand and take it just get it over with please beat me down once or twice yell your head off but get it over with ... the way it is now I feel it one cut at a time... like a saddest with a razor blade taking a swipe at me hit and miss..  I am not the same as before the drugs I try to get back to who I was and to health and I just continually fail. I am told it takes time... it has been a long long long time... 7+ years now... I feel destroyed by drugs... what I am now is a scant reflection of who I was... either forgive me or get away from me.. that hits my head but at the same time... I know I am forgiven... I know it... yet it still plays out the loss of respect... 

 

maybe it is that I have lost respect for myself I too am maddened by the fact that I took the drugs.. I did I fully trusted my doctors.... 

 

It would seem that the lack of respect the hurt the damage all rests with us the drug taker and that falls on any and everyone who loved us relies on us who needs us... including us... 

 

I am sorry if this is a rambling go no place post but I want you to know... I feel it.. even if nobody ever says a word to me again about it I will feel it I think as long as I live ... I failed myself in doing so I failed everybody else... I get that. I can't untake the drug.. I can't let you see or feel the why of things that happened when I was drugged without damaging you as I was damaged and it is not worth it... I would never do that to anyone. I can't give you the knowing without the pain and dysfunction... truth I don't think you want not really ....it is something like war I think once you seen it been there you can never fully describe it and you don't want to as it is too painful.. you will be forever changed... and never forget it...that is all I really know. 

I wish you peace

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mylifeisback

devastatedwife, I feel your pain, I truly believe that this is one of the hardest things in life to deal with. I know that people cheat all of the time, they end their marriage and go on. But in our case's its not that easy. Do we walk out and say screw you, you cheated on me and I will never get over this. Do we remember our wedding vows, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Should we tear our family's apart, that really is a terrible thing to do. One of my doctors told me that my husband was sick and to think of my vows. I watch this man suffer from his actions while drugged. for the first year and a half he didn't care and I guess that is because the drug was still in him. But when it wore off he started to come around.To think about all that has happened it is so crazy. A strange feeling that nothing can compare to. To me its like someone stole his soul during the drugged time. Looking back why didn't I see what was going on. like I said its crazy. I believe that this is why it is so hard for us, it is bizarre and things that are bizarre are hard to believe and understand.I do believe that we have to take this one day at a time, heal from one day at a time, because if we don't we will run ourselves crazy. I do not know what else we can do to help us overcome in a faster way. but I do know that this medicine changes people I don't understand it and I don't know why but I know that it does change people. And even though I hurt deep inside more than anyone will ever know it wasn't my husband who was with another woman. it was his body but not his heart and soul. how do we overcome that is going to be a very hard thing but we have to do this for ourselves one way or another. so know this I do know and do feel your pain and I understand where you are at this point, but I really do not know how to help as I need help myself. I hope I am NOT just rambling on and you understand what I'm trying to say. but I am here for you with any kind of help that I can give.

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mylifeisback

btdt, thank you for all that you do to help us. All of your hours on here and other sites has helped me tremendously. I do believe that things happen for a reason. We may not understand why but thier is a reason.

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