Againstallodds: Obsessive thoughts-help

[Againstallodds]

Hello everyone
I follow the forum for a while now
thank goodness I found this forum, I sat for hours during panic attacks and severe depression and read testimonials of people pass through hell the same as mine, it helped, It still helps
My history with drugs is long and I'll write in more detail later also my signature, but now I wanted to ask a few things that are urgent for me

I Withdrawal for 7.5 months now, I experience Pure Hell

hell started 3-4 years ago or so when the doctors Replace drugs like candy to find "balance" but the hell then does not compare to hell in Withdrawal 
The symptoms I experience on a regular basis
Panic, It's weird to explain but like every thought, even if the most innocent creates panic ..
Severe obsessive thoughts, feeling disgusted with myself feel ugly, ashamed to leave the house, it does not leave me 24/7, every time I find a new flaw in my body and it does not come out of my head, I dream about it at night and it's the first thing i think about when I wake up

Depression - negative thoughts all the time, no hope / faith, future, no point in living

Crying spells
(Severe paranoia from people (even people I know well
!Violent images in my head as I cut myself-really scary
There are more but  I wanted to focus on obsessive thoughts, it's getting worse by the day and I do not know What to do
I looked for similar evidence but did not find, can be obsessive thoughts arise on drugs? now when I experienced this very acutely that can be part of the withdrawal or  I'll have to live with it forever Because it was arise with the drugs? This suffering is impossible

Sorry English is not my language, Hope I was clear

I would appreciate any response

  Thank you for being here

[Petunia]

Hi Againstallodds,

 

Welcome and thank you for posting.  I'm sorry you are not feeling well, these symptoms sound very familiar and are often experienced as part of antidepressant withdrawal, especially if someone stops taking the drugs too fast.  I have had many of those symptoms myself from my own drug history and withdrawal.

 

How did you come off your medication? Did you stop taking everything 7.5 months ago?

 

It would be helpful if you could give us some more details of what you were taking, for how long and how you stopped.  You could put all that information in your signature, here is how you do it:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Once we have some more information, we can have a better idea of what to suggest.  But to answer your question, withdrawal doesn't last for ever, you will recover, it may take some time though and there are ways to help manage symptoms as you recover.  You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

 

 

 

 

[Heart]

I am so sorry that you are suffering so badly. All I can say is that what you write makes complete sense to me. It has been 3 years for me and I feel much improved from where I was at 7 ½ months. I remember that 7 ½ months was a very dark time for me also. 

 

 

When you say the panic is weird to explain, I wonder if you are asking a question I asked myself. Do the thoughts create the feeling or is it the feeling which creates the thoughts? I believe that withdrawal chemically creates horrible feelings. The feelings are so unbearable that the mind scrambles to find a thought horrible enough to justify the feeling. That is why the thoughts are so horrible. But these thoughts are not you.

 

 

Do not despair. Healing is happening, even if you cannot feel it. My heart goes out to you.

 

Heart

[Againstallodds]

Thank you for your response pute & heart

I'm really afraid that my condition is lost with all the

types of drugs (I will update my signature and you'll see) I took Over the years, I barely functioning

Two things that kill me on a regular basis

Crazy obsessions thoughts that Cause anxiety and depression celebrate

And All the traumas experienced in young age (I had a lot) fly nonstop in my head, it's like I'm reliving the traumas every minute, I'm not in the present, and certainly can not look to the future

Now that the Drugs fog is dissipates is it me?

I know that I have a partial basis to my feelings but not in such intensity

Pessimism, anger, paranoia, insecurity, panic attacks all of these new things I didn’t know before weaning and I dont know how to deal with them, It's unbearable!!

I know no one has a magic wand and feeling good does not come just like that, you have to work on it all the time but I feel really handicapped
From age 24 to now 38 I'm on the drug that caused me to be reckless, do not plan anything, live from moment to moment and now that im without drugs seems that all this time I ran without really moving anywhere, It's like starting from scratch, but with the addition of emotional madness from the withdrawal
Sorry I'm so dark, It also surprises me I do not know myself that way
Hope everyone has the strength to go through this hell
Really hard to explain in words what I'm going through
But I'm sure that here you understand

[mlrp]

Hang on, against all odds. You are not alone in your experience, as you know from reading this site. Petu and other knowledgeable folk will help you. Obsessive thoughts are very common with psych drugs and withdrawal. I also have experienced severe anxiety simply from thinking - about anything  - no matter how innocent. This will not be forever. It's a long road but you can recover.

[Againstallodds]

thank you mlrp

I know I'm not alone, unfortunately

It's amazing, when you think that it cant be worse Come a wave that show me there is no limit to hell ..
However I am experiencing very very rery small windows but without enough strength, From what I've seen here is encouraging, even if it's a tiny window its a good sign

I miss the inner voice that says, "Everything will be fine" but until he comes back I have this life saving forum

Another thing that I have since the withdrawal
Severe eye discharge, when I wake up I can not open my eyes, someone familiar with this symptom?

[Petunia]

Againstallodds,

Its a good sign that you are having some small windows, this means you are healing.  How long have you been having eye discharge?  I had this happen to me for a few days about a year ago, I didn't think it was withdrawal related, maybe it was, but it cleared up and didn't come back.

 

We really need some more details about your drug and tapering history to be able to offer any meaningful support and suggestions.  You haven't even told us what drug you took last.

 

 

It would be helpful if you could give us some more details of what you were taking, for how long and how you stopped.  You could put all that information in your signature, here is how you do it:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Once we have some more information, we can have a better idea of what to suggest. 

 

[Againstallodds]

hi petu

Provisions eyes about 3 weeks after I stopped completely
I will update my signature (I have to translate my language to English so it takes me some time .. I'm working on it) (:
After I update you will have a better idea
Thank you

[Againstallodds]

I tried several times to post My signature But for some reason it didnt absorbed (I must be doing something wrong) I'd love to for guidance in this matter.

 i post the signature here for now until ill have idea how to post it properly.

 

1998 was hospitalized due to eating disorders, there thay put me on citaloparm-didnt even know what psychiatric pills was, thay didnt ask, Anyone who was hospitalized Received drugs even if thay didnt have to,Like my case, I was anorexic but .. I didnt have anxiety / panic, depression, OCD (These appeared only after several years with the drugs)

From that moment on, everything is vague ..
took so many pills that Im lucky to remember their name..Cant remember Years and taking time/dose in some drugs..I'll write what I remember (Most SSRI-high doses)

2002-Paroxetine 

2005-escitaloparm 

2006-fluoxetine

2007-zoloft (3 times)

2009-Prozac (2 times)

(Most SSRI made mania / hypomania because of this I did a lot of crazy things without judgment, After a few years almost all SSRI caused paradoxical effects)

 

general drugs I took:

Antipsychotic-ZIPREXA,Risperdal,Saphris,Seroquel,Clopixol

SNRI-efexor/venlafaxine,Cymbalta

Mood Stabilizers-lamictal,Tegretol

Other-sorbon,Lyrica up to 75 mg,wallbotrin

Antihistamines-Prothiazine-once in a while

benzodiazepine- Clonex,Vaben,Lorivan,Xanax,Assival (Very rarely Due to the addiction tendency & paradoxical effects) 

2012-Favoksil up to 200 mg for  4 month Towards the end made ​​me very obsessive and depression, was hospitalized in a mental hospital

2012-venlafaxine-was on it for 5-6 month-made ​​me more obsessive,Depressed and paranoid 

Then I tried:

lamictal

saphris

none of them helped

Then I tried again in 2013 zoloft 50 mg (10 days)-Made me eczema's so bad I had to stop immediately and take steroids

Prednisone-up to 60 mg for 1.5 month-made me very high-I got off gradually and Very quickly I went back to hell

was completely crazy so started in 7/2013-3 month-Anafranil up to 150 mg-Very very bad,crazy obsessions,depression's, stopped functioning so i lowered my dose every week  to a full stop:

Homeopathy treatment when I went from Anfrnil-nada

125 mg,100 mg,75 mg,50 mg,25 mg,12.5 mg.Clean since 22.12.13

 

took omega 3, magnesium, niacin, vitamin B before the withdrawal, but now it seems that my body can not get anything, 

tried Alpha-Stim®SCS- (1.5 month) Fried my brain and causes more anxiety

 

 

 

1.  
2.  

 

 

1. • הקלד טקסט או כתובת אתר או תרגם מסמך.
   •  
   • האם התכוונת ל: טיפול הומאופתיה כשירדתי אמפר

2. Homeopathy treatment when I went from Anfrnil -nada 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Rhiannon]

Hello AgainstAllOdds--

 

It sounds like you have really been through the wringer with these drugs! I am so sorry the doctors put you through all of that.

 

I'm glad you came and introduced yourself. As you know there is no cure other than time and patience and gentle self care, but we can give you lots of support and encouragement as you walk through hell and come gradually out the other side.

 

I understand about having the memories and feelings from trauma so strong. I have had that in withdrawal too. It's hard to explain--we have to work through those traumas, but the way they hit us in withdrawal is not really a helpful, healing way. When you are more recovered from the chemical chaos in your brain, you will be able to find healthy ways to work through and heal those issues from your past. For now, see if you can just accept.

 

I have found that mindfulness type exercises have been very helpful during withdrawal. It is not always possible to do them but when I make it a habit to try those type of meditations regularly I do find that it makes it easier to deal with those feelings and thoughts.

 

Most important, please be assured that this is NOT you, you are not sick or crazy. What you are experiencing (Including obsessive thoughts, very common in withdrawal) sounds like what I have heard hundreds of other people describe in withdrawal.

 

Hang in there. Read through our Symptoms and Self Care section. Go back several pages and see what kinds of suggestions people have offered. You may find something of use to you there.

 

And you may find some comfort in reading about Monica (Gia K)'s journey on her blog Beyond Meds. She went through a very difficult healing time after coming off many meds. It was a struggle for many years but she is doing much, much better now, and her blog has lots of ideas and stories and suggestions and healing ideas.

 

I'm glad you are here. Please stay with us and let us support you through this dark time. You will come through it, although it is going to take a couple of years. But you will come through it, I assure you.

[Againstallodds]

RHI You made me cry, good cry, ty for the Comforting words, all of you so wonderful!!

Support is critical at this time, Not all of us have supportive families so this forum is a life saver.

About meditation this great tool and excellent you're able to use it but right now it's too hard for me, I have no patience but Im able to listen to meditative music when I go to sleep, t's not something I I could two weeks ago So this actually progress (:

today was exhausted, I have no idea how to go through another weekq/month like that not to mention years

I wish I knew then what I know now, I have a lot of anger on doctors, I lost faith in almost everything, everyone, it's a bad place to be in but it's really out of control, there is something devilish runs my head, crazy struggle.

Even in a small window I do not feel good, although not the usual hell, but not joy or desire for anything ..not me at all..

Hope for easy days for everyone.

[Againstallodds]

Hang on, against all odds. You are not alone in your experience, as you know from reading this site. Petu and other knowledgeable folk will help you. Obsessive thoughts are very common with psych drugs and withdrawal. I also have experienced severe anxiety simply from thinking - about anything  - no matter how innocent. This will not be forever. It's a long road but you can recover.

How did you deal with severe anxiety simply from thinking? It went alone?

It seems that no matter what I do, auto-suggestion, try to be busy etc it's not leaving..

[Petunia]

How did you deal with severe anxiety simply from thinking? It went alone?

It seems that no matter what I do, auto-suggestion, try to be busy etc it's not leaving..

 

 

Many of us here have this problem of anxiety being made worse by thoughts.  I've had to learn how to control my thinking and it hasn't been easy.  Some kinds of meditation and CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can help.

 

The kind of meditation I find works best for stopping thoughts is focusing on breathing with a kind of mantra.  In my mind I say a word like peace or calm with each breath.  Just lately I've been using the word 'the', because it can't be related to anything which could possibly cause more anxiety.

 

Some people find EFT (emotional freedom technique) works.

 

Have a look through some ideas from our symptoms and self care section, you may find something works for you:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

[mlrp]

I agree with all of Petu's suggestions.

 

At the beginning, I had panic attacks that lasted for hours on end and I couldn't really "meditate" in a quiet sense. During those really bad times, I would walk, and practice focusing on breathing - there are various suggested rhythms. If I couldn't get my head around anything complex, I would practice "square" breathing - inhale a count of 8 - hold a count of 8 - exhale a count of 8 - hold a count of 8 - and repeat.

 

And, yes, any mantra or non-negative word or phrase, over and over and over, just to crowd out the negative thoughts. "This, too, shall pass" was a favorite of mine.

 

And, paradoxically, striving too hard to fight the anxiety will likely increase it. In other words, accept that you are anxious, and practice breathing and positive mantras while being anxious.

 

As Alex says (and is becoming a favorite of mine), keep on walking.

[pokiok]

Hi againstallodds,

 

Just saying welcome. I tried getting off of Lexapro (only 5mg) back in April and was fine for about a month, then hit a wall. The anxiety and obsessive thoughts were exhausting, and I only found relief when I started back on the Lexapro.  I will continue to take it until I'm stable and then will do a proper, lengthy taper.  Just giving some background, but I wanted you to know I am completely understanding of the obsessive thoughts, mine take the form of health anxiety but I spend a good portion of my day ruminating, and know how tiring that can be.

 

Just stay strong and keep on this forum, it's been a huge help for me.

[Rhiannon]

Yes, I understand about not being able to meditate while sick from withdrawal. Many of us have that same problem. If you can listen to calming music, that's very good.

 

I think the fact that you sometimes have better days and that you notice small improvements (like being able to listen to music) is a positive sign that you will recover fully within a couple of years.

 

I know it is hard to imagine getting through one more day or even one more hour, let alone years, but you won't feel this bad that whole time. You will have many better days. You will feel better than you can even imagine right now.

 

Right now all you have to do is "keep walking." Just take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

 

Remember the saying (I think it was Winston Churchill): "If you're going through hell, keep going."

 

Slowly, gradually, as you can manage it, you can add in habits that will help in small ways. Fish oil and magnesium, for example. Gentle walking. "Mindfulness" type meditation (where you just meditate on being where you are, experiencing what you are experiencing, letting it be and just observing it). There are other habits of body and mind that you can slowly develop which will help you. 

 

I am not just saying you will get better because I want to make you feel better. I am saying it because I have seen many, many people go through this process, and you are showing the early signs that are usually associated with a long but eventually successful recovery.

 

There are many other people here who have come through what you are going through. Please let yourself lean on us for support. When you are feeling hopeless and not believing you can get better, we will hold your hope and believe for you, because we know what you are going through. Most of us have been there and we understand.

[mlrp]

There are many other people here who have come through what you are going through. Please let yourself lean on us for support. When you are feeling hopeless and not believing you can get better, we will hold your hope and believe for you, because we know what you are going through. Most of us have been there and we understand.

 

Quoting this because it made me cry, out of gratitude, and because it's true.

[Againstallodds]

Thank you very much for your cooperation and support 

Very difficult for me to meditate my mind never stops telling me horror stories 

All day every day, I tried several times different types of meditation, but that voice in my mind driving me crazy and I can not get more than a minute or two .. 

I was very active, a lot of sports, but in recent months I stopped completely, that voice again, fear of people just shut me within myself and needless to say that the situation has worsened twice as much, not good for anyone to be alone, I still force myself to stay active, I enrolled reflexology, Hobbies I loved once, I tried to go back to work but I did not last, no desire, no passion for anything and the truth is I'm still in total shock, it's like waking up to your worst nightmare, it is absurd that in order to escape from the nightmare I'm just going to sleep .. 

I do not know what I'll do, I hate those drugs, I was not depressed, anxious, etc. before the drugs, but once touched them .. I'm terrified of the paradoxical side effects but still ן may start very small dose just to stand up, I just do not see myself living that way, it just gets worse ..

[mlrp]

I was very athletic before, too. But all of this changes in withdrawal.  I suggest at this point that you not overwhelm yourself with trying too many things (hobbies, energetic activities, etc.) to "overcome" the anxiety. Your central nervous system is overwhelmed and will not likely do well with stimulating activity - even things you once enjoyed. Be very, very gentle with yourself. Slow walking, maybe epsom salt baths, low-volume, gentle, almost "boring" music. 

[Againstallodds]

I was very athletic before, too. But all of this changes in withdrawal.  I suggest at this point that you not overwhelm yourself with trying too many things (hobbies, energetic activities, etc.) to "overcome" the anxiety. Your central nervous system is overwhelmed and will not likely do well with stimulating activity - even things you once enjoyed. Be very, very gentle with yourself. Slow walking, maybe epsom salt baths, low-volume, gentle, almost "boring" music. 

I agree with you, the will to escape anxiety by endless pursuits sometimes creates more anxiet, hard to be alone, hard to be out .no matter what angle.I feel trapped 

Very difficult for me to be gentle with myself and with others during this time, I'd rather be isolated than being angry and impatient with people who did nothing to me .. unfortunately I can not get away from myself 

So I have to learn to be more gentle, I will try to practice on this, ty!

 

Sorry about all the whining, it's pretty much the only place where I feel I can speak freely and you really will understand what I mean and excellent advice here so thanks.

 

important question please 

If I decide I want to go back on Seroxat to balance myself how should I do it? 5 mg it's okay? I can not cut less than that because otherwise I would have powder, just note that I am very sensitive and I usually responds to minor doses

[Broken]

Your main issue here is OCD?

[Againstallodds]

It seems now most dominant is OCD

 

I also have panic attacks, anxiety and depression
It could be that these were created by the OCD and may not

panic attacks, depression, paranoia was not until a few years ago when I went off and when I tried new drugs and even then it was not as powerful as now in this Withdrawal

 

"If I decide I want to go back on Seroxat to balance myself how should I do it? 5 mg it's okay? I can not cut less than that because otherwise I would have powder, just note that I am very sensitive and I usually responds to minor doses"

Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Broken]

I have struggled with OCD my whole life.

 

I genuinely believe that antidepressants are not the way forward. I'd be a hypocrite to say that you should now avoid them at all costs but I truly believe that if OCD is the root cause of your depression and anxiety that you should avoid reinstating antidepressants if you can. It's a hard slog but psychological not chemical intervention is your best approach at healing yourself.

 

Search Mark Freeman OCD on youtube, he's incredibly insightful at how best to attack your anxiety issues.

 

Seek out a good therapist that has experience in dealing with OCD, CBT and most importantly ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention).

 

The key to beating OCD is essentially to stop caring about your obsessions regardless of their content, if you can learn to do that you'll be free and you'll probably find that your depression will lift in the process.

 

Good luck and god bless.

[btdt]

Hello Againstallodds nice to meet you. I just read your thread and a lot of what you have to say I identify as being the same for me. 

In the early days I found the sounds of the ocean were helpful as it did not remind my ruminating terrorizing brain of anything ...even quiet music would remind my brain of something it could bug me about. Yes I know I may sound like I thought my mind was the enemy and that may look silly to folks not living this but for a time there it was my enemy.  Constantly attacking me... with incessant phrases.  I completely stopped listening to any music as for some reason tv radio ect all caused songs to repeat in my head over and over.  yes I did isolate myself as there is music everywhere even elevators... doctors offices... on the street stores... it is constant. 

So for me escape was the sound of the ocean I had a lot of body pain and twitches and spasms ...muscles that seemed to torch is strange ways when I slept. I learned heat helped with the pain so my prescription was heat on my spine and headphones with the ocean playing. It truly helped me. 

I personally preferred a been bag sort of pad that heats in the microwave it felt better to me - better than an electric heating pad. 

 

One more thing about heat on the spine I read a long time ago that heat on the spine increases the amounts of norepinephrine in the brain ... I truly don't know if that is a good thing or not but it did help me immensely.  I would do this a few times a day. 

 

Having a bath is epsom salt if you have that where you  live could help it gives you body magnesium thru you skin.  i could not tolerate magnesium supplements   

 

I learned one real helpful thing  from the book called "The Power of Now"  when you brain is running away with you life this is how to stop it... watch for you next thought... wait and watch for it... for some reason this quietens the brain down it did for me.  I did practice it constantly after I found it sadly I did not find it when I was in the beginning stages your in now still I think it is worth a shot. Read the book too if you can focus to read it is a good one. 

 

So much of what you say hits home for me I had to make some sort of attempt to reach out to you as I see myself in you in how you seeing your withdrawal some day we may talk about that but for now developing skills and getting tools is the priority. 

 

The EFT was something I did use when i was at my worst and I will say it did help me I found it on utube for free and did the one with the guy in the red shirt... you will know you have the right video when you hear him say 

"Even tho I feel this way I completely accept myself"  That is you guy it helped me even tho the first time I did it I felt like an idiot as you have to tap different parts of you hand and face it works by accupressure hence the tapping it hitting certain important nerves.  The worlds you say are important for you brain to hear and to accept self... like I said i was at war with things in my head so getting them on my side made a big difference even if it was hit and miss to start with. 

 

The first time i did the EFT I felt only the tiniest improvement so tiny I thought it could have been nothing but it was there and improved each time i did it which was not that often after awhile as I could not get the computer to myself and could not do the tapping in front of people... I live in a shared place. 

 

I see you able to exercise so will not go there I was not able to do for a long time I managed only walking  One more thing if you going to add any supplements PLEASE  go slow take on 1/6th the recommended dose because if you have a reaction it could make things so much worse...yes it can get worse I would not have believed it either.  

 

So those are my few suggestions for now.

I did try a few drugs in the beginning to try to help lyrica was one mirapx likely after attempting to reinstate an antidepressant none of them worked for me they all made the situation worse. I continue to have reactions to drugs to this day which have cause more problems along the healing road.  

 

It will get better in time and when this is going on keep in your heart that this is drug withdrawal not you and it will get better. 

 

Sorry you have to be here but since you are I wish you healing and peace. B

[Rhiannon]

It's my impression that AAO didn't have a problem with obsessive thoughts until withdrawal. It's not an uncommon withdrawal symptom.

 

AAO, it's hard to say how it a reinstatement will go after this much time. It could help. It could make things worse. We have seen it go either way.

 

In order to be safe, the best approach is to start with a very small amount and see what happens. I would not recommend 5 mg at first. I would start with something smaller.

 

The safest thing would be to see if you can get the liquid formulation. They do make a liquid form of paroxetine (Seroxat). Even if the stores in your area do not carry it, you should be able to get a prescription for it and get it from an online pharmacy. 

 

Once you get the liquid form you can measure 1 mg. I would not start with more than that.

[btdt]

I think starting extremely low as suggested is the best advice if you decide to try it 

peace

[Againstallodds]

I have struggled with OCD my whole life.

 

I genuinely believe that antidepressants are not the way forward. I'd be a hypocrite to say that you should now avoid them at all costs but I truly believe that if OCD is the root cause of your depression and anxiety that you should avoid reinstating antidepressants if you can. It's a hard slog but psychological not chemical intervention is your best approach at healing yourself.

 

Search Mark Freeman OCD on youtube, he's incredibly insightful at how best to attack your anxiety issues.

 

Seek out a good therapist that has experience in dealing with OCD, CBT and most importantly ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention).

 

The key to beating OCD is essentially to stop caring about your obsessions regardless of their content, if you can learn to do that you'll be free and you'll probably find that your depression will lift in the process.

 

Good luck and god bless.

 

 

Thank you for your response 

It is possible that all my life I suffered from OCD without really giving it a name 

I remember that as a kid I had a little compulsive habits, It wasnt significant then , well, there are a lot of kids that show compulsive behavior and grow up to be without OCD .. I do not really know .. Who knows for sure, I think the drug might have created the OCD, I do not remember until late age of  something similar to what I experience now, but it does not really matter now .. anyway, my situation now is so difficult im not sure if cognitive work really help at the moment, It's really out of control, negative intrusive thoughts all the time, I dream about them at night, get up with them in the morning and drags them all day no matter what I do and with who I am .. No one should suffer in this way, it's not fair, who said life is fair..wrong!!

Can I ask how you get along with the OCD? Are you still on pills? Have they helped you? As I said I really do not like these drugs but if It will continue with such force ill repeat it just to stand on my feet

[Broken]

Sorry for the late reply.

 

In my experience AD's can aggravate OCD. It's an anxiety disorder and if the meds increase your anxiety you better believe you'll have a relentless surge of intrusive thoughts and obsessions.

 

You have to stop your compulsions in order to break the cycle. First you'll need to identify what these compulsions are. If it's intrusive thoughts my guess is your main offender will be ruminating (analyzing your obsessions, continually looking for an answer which will finally satisfy you sufficiently enough to calm your anxiety) Never going to happen! This is a compulsion like any other, it will only worsen your condition but can be prevented.

 

If you're desperate and decide to try another AD I've been told that clomipramine (anafranil) is the most effective when treating OCD.

[Againstallodds]

It's my impression that AAO didn't have a problem with obsessive thoughts until withdrawal. It's not an uncommon withdrawal symptom.

 

AAO, it's hard to say how it a reinstatement will go after this much time. It could help. It could make things worse. We have seen it go either way.

 

In order to be safe, the best approach is to start with a very small amount and see what happens. I would not recommend 5 mg at first. I would start with something smaller.

 

The safest thing would be to see if you can get the liquid formulation. They do make a liquid form of paroxetine (Seroxat). Even if the stores in your area do not carry it, you should be able to get a prescription for it and get it from an online pharmacy. 

 

Once you get the liquid form you can measure 1 mg. I would not start with more than that.

I went to the doctor and he did not know about the liquid version, I asked at the pharmacy, they also had no knowledge of the liquid version, I read your message after I've started  5 mg, the situation was acute and I could not wait any longer 

Im taking for two days now 

I felt a significant improvement today Since afternoon, the terrible fires died down, the madness down .. it's a good sign, I'm not going to get the dosage, I'm not looking to be high just to feel human again 

I hope I did not open her mouth to devil...

Thank you very much for your help (:

[Againstallodds]

Sorry for the late reply.

 

In my experience AD's can aggravate OCD. It's an anxiety disorder and if the meds increase your anxiety you better believe you'll have a relentless surge of intrusive thoughts and obsessions.

 

You have to stop your compulsions in order to break the cycle. First you'll need to identify what these compulsions are. If it's intrusive thoughts my guess is your main offender will be ruminating (analyzing your obsessions, continually looking for an answer which will finally satisfy you sufficiently enough to calm your anxiety) Never going to happen! This is a compulsion like any other, it will only worsen your condition but can be prevented.

 

If you're desperate and decide to try another AD I've been told that clomipramine (anafranil) is the most effective when treating OCD.

Thank you for your response

I'm not sure I understood correctly (my English is not a hit) 

Are you saying that if I try to break the OCD by understanding and analyzing the OCD actually going to be much worse? If that's what you mean  I completely agree, but.. there is a trap .. Try to understand the OCD it is impossible, it only exacerbates the problem 

to ignore  Also impossible, the essence of OCD that just is not leaving

There are degrees of OCD and if there is a scale of 1 to 10 I am at least 30 .. 

There is no escape from trying again to find a balance 

Then slowly, very slowly go down .. 

Anfrnil is the last drug I tried it was so so bad, it actually worsened my OCD and put me in severe depression but everyone is different and what works for others may not work on me .. 

I am now on Seroxat and hope it gets better (:

[Againstallodds]

Hello Againstallodds nice to meet you. I just read your thread and a lot of what you have to say I identify as being the same for me. 

In the early days I found the sounds of the ocean were helpful as it did not remind my ruminating terrorizing brain of anything ...even quiet music would remind my brain of something it could bug me about. Yes I know I may sound like I thought my mind was the enemy and that may look silly to folks not living this but for a time there it was my enemy.  Constantly attacking me... with incessant phrases.  I completely stopped listening to any music as for some reason tv radio ect all caused songs to repeat in my head over and over.  yes I did isolate myself as there is music everywhere even elevators... doctors offices... on the street stores... it is constant. 

So for me escape was the sound of the ocean I had a lot of body pain and twitches and spasms ...muscles that seemed to torch is strange ways when I slept. I learned heat helped with the pain so my prescription was heat on my spine and headphones with the ocean playing. It truly helped me. 

I personally preferred a been bag sort of pad that heats in the microwave it felt better to me - better than an electric heating pad. 

 

One more thing about heat on the spine I read a long time ago that heat on the spine increases the amounts of norepinephrine in the brain ... I truly don't know if that is a good thing or not but it did help me immensely.  I would do this a few times a day. 

 

Having a bath is epsom salt if you have that where you  live could help it gives you body magnesium thru you skin.  i could not tolerate magnesium supplements   

 

I learned one real helpful thing  from the book called "The Power of Now"  when you brain is running away with you life this is how to stop it... watch for you next thought... wait and watch for it... for some reason this quietens the brain down it did for me.  I did practice it constantly after I found it sadly I did not find it when I was in the beginning stages your in now still I think it is worth a shot. Read the book too if you can focus to read it is a good one. 

 

So much of what you say hits home for me I had to make some sort of attempt to reach out to you as I see myself in you in how you seeing your withdrawal some day we may talk about that but for now developing skills and getting tools is the priority. 

 

The EFT was something I did use when i was at my worst and I will say it did help me I found it on utube for free and did the one with the guy in the red shirt... you will know you have the right video when you hear him say 

"Even tho I feel this way I completely accept myself"  That is you guy it helped me even tho the first time I did it I felt like an idiot as you have to tap different parts of you hand and face it works by accupressure hence the tapping it hitting certain important nerves.  The worlds you say are important for you brain to hear and to accept self... like I said i was at war with things in my head so getting them on my side made a big difference even if it was hit and miss to start with. 

 

The first time i did the EFT I felt only the tiniest improvement so tiny I thought it could have been nothing but it was there and improved each time i did it which was not that often after awhile as I could not get the computer to myself and could not do the tapping in front of people... I live in a shared place. 

 

I see you able to exercise so will not go there I was not able to do for a long time I managed only walking  One more thing if you going to add any supplements PLEASE  go slow take on 1/6th the recommended dose because if you have a reaction it could make things so much worse...yes it can get worse I would not have believed it either.  

 

So those are my few suggestions for now.

I did try a few drugs in the beginning to try to help lyrica was one mirapx likely after attempting to reinstate an antidepressant none of them worked for me they all made the situation worse. I continue to have reactions to drugs to this day which have cause more problems along the healing road.  

 

It will get better in time and when this is going on keep in your heart that this is drug withdrawal not you and it will get better. 

 

Sorry you have to be here but since you are I wish you healing and peace. B

Thank you for the detailed answer, I appreciate it 

I'm sorry you did not find the balance when you tried to go back to drugs, as I said I really do not like the idea of ​​a return to take them, but really, I'm a complete mess, not working, not cleaning, not showering ..Although I can do some activities here and there I do not call it living, Impossible 

I'm two days with the drugs and hope to be balanced otherwise I really go crazy 

About the proposed treatment methods 

They certainly seem to me as something that can help, but only after I find some balance, it is clear to me that the drug will not "fix" me 100% but give me room to breathe and then start working 

By the way 

I know a different connotation for "The Power of Now"  and it helped me shortly after I stopped the drugs but the situation then was not so bad as now, I believe in this method and ill Return to practice it

 

How do you deal now?

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling a little better AAO.  Reinstating can make a huge difference! Hopefully 

the OCD will improve a little when you begin to stabilise but could take a while.  I don't mean

that it will be cured but maybe lessen in severity as withdrawal does make it much worse for

many people. 

[Againstallodds]

Glad you are feeling a little better AAO.  Reinstating can make a huge difference! Hopefully 

the OCD will improve a little when you begin to stabilise but could take a while.  I don't mean

that it will be cured but maybe lessen in severity as withdrawal does make it much worse for

many people. 

thanks mammaP

I really hope Reinstating take effect

I feel so so bad this morning, Anxiety / Panic's so hard that actually Makes my body go up in flames, it physically hurts

My sleep has improved a little, but I notice that when I get up it takes me less than a second until my brain starts to mess with everything that bothers me and it makes me terribly anxious

Some mornings I get up "clean" I mean, I think about all the bad things but do not get panic and there is mornings like today that it's horrible, what comes before what? 

My ability to get / put up with difficult things is zero .. 

Some things I've done I'm sorry about 

I can not change them 

My mind refuses to accept that this is how it will be

These things running around in my head non-stop And make me a terrible panic .. 

Does not make sense

[Againstallodds]

is it could get worse before it gets bette inr the existing dose (5 mg Seroxat) or could be that the body can not stand it? 

What is the correct indication? My mornings are worse but a little better in the evening 

Sorry I know i sound very very stressful, i am, im Terrified

[mammaP]

Makes sense to me, but I can't say how it makes sense, if you follow me! 

 

Maybe the 5mg is a bit too much for you, if it gets worse then that is an indication that you are 

not tolerating it very well, that is why Rhi recommended 1mg to start. If you start low you can go

up but start higher and you can have a reaction. I would reduce the dose to 1mg if possible. 

Ask you doctor for a prescription for the liquid which is much easier to taper, you can measure 

very tiny doses and dilute if necessary.  

 

If you cannot get the liquid you could make a liquid from your tablets. Here are instructions how

to do that.  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

[Againstallodds]

Makes sense to me, but I can't say how it makes sense, if you follow me! 

 

Maybe the 5mg is a bit too much for you, if it gets worse then that is an indication that you are 

not tolerating it very well, that is why Rhi recommended 1mg to start. If you start low you can go

up but start higher and you can have a reaction. I would reduce the dose to 1mg if possible. 

Ask you doctor for a prescription for the liquid which is much easier to taper, you can measure 

very tiny doses and dilute if necessary.  

 

If you cannot get the liquid you could make a liquid from your tablets. Here are instructions how

to do that.  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

Thanks for the link 

 

I was looking for liquid version, didnt found

I have to be a pharmacist to get it right 

But if it would be intolerable ill try to do the liquid version

 

I know there is no definite answer, Maybe from your experience / others

if there is a deterioration in the beginning is it necessarily mean it will not work,

Or perhaps after a few days it will calm down and start  working?