☼ joy2730: withdrawing from citalopram, quetiapine

[joy2730]

I am feeling well flowers. At least if the plan works I have ended up up dosing from 12 mg to 14.5 mg and not 12 mg back to 20 mg. I am Tring the meditation and it seems to help. Thanks flowers you are doing well with your taper - well done

[joy2730]

Feeling well

[Flowers]

I think I see where you are coming from with the dosage. Are you going to wait a while now before doing another cut?

 

I love headspace. I never thought I would be able to do meditation as my mind is always working but this helps me to calm myself down when panic or anxiety hits.

 

There is a great book a friend who is a psychologist and teaches  mindfulness in the UK sent to me. Details in case you want to have a look>The title is 'Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in the frantic world'. Authors Mark Williams and Danny Penman. Also has a free CD of guided meditations.Publisher Piatkus ISBN 978-0-7499-5308-9.

 

xxxxx Flowers

[joy2730]

Yes, flowers I am going to stay where I am for ages  now.

 

I know I often say this and don't do it, but this time I have to.

 

I must have been cutting too fast to get such a bad reaction.

 

I will look the book up flowers, thanks for your support, I have had an interesting blip.

[joy2730]

Have just ordered the book you suggested flowers. It should arrive wed. Since doing headspace I have felt a lot better although I don't see how.

[Flowers]

Hope you recover from the blip quickly like I have from mine.

 

Let me know how you get on with the book.

[joy2730]

Again doing well today. Someone has just told me I look well. Sleep was a bit light last night. Spending a day with husband. But I have frightened myself with my bad blip.

[bubble]

I just found this on the thread of another member. It seems you posted it there by mistake so I thought of copying it here although it disrupts chronology.

 

 

What a difficult morning very ill with severe constipation stomach pain hot and swearing a sleepless night felt like I was dying so took 20 mg this morning. I don't know where I going with this but feel a lot better already

 

​

[joy2730]

Thanks Bubble, I noticed that mistake but didn't know what to do about it.  It happened when I became really ill with withdrawal recently and clearly I was unable to post correctly.  Thanks

[joy2730]

doing well today, no withdrawal symptoms.  Have received my meditation book Flowers.  I have just noticed the spelling of meditation, very similar to medication, isn't that weird.

[joy2730]

I am loving the mindfulness book flowers and the cd is brilliant. I sleep so much better already. Still at 14.5 mg so I have survived my bliphone without too much damage to my taper. All is well with me.

[Flowers]

So glad that the book is helping. It was  and is a lifesaver for me.

 

After my blip a month ago I have been feeling not so good these last few days. A little shaky and giddy. Guess I am not out the woods yet so am holding until this passes.

 

Have a good bank holiday weekend!

 

xxxx

[joy2730]

I am well today. The meditation is really helping. On Tuesday of last week my ex husband committed suicide. I had just complained to the police of the abuse I suffered from him in our turbulent relationship which I believe led to my psychiatric drug use. The police have told me he never knew of my complaint. I am in touch with his widow and daughters. I am coping really well. How life throws things on my way. I feel strong enough to cope without taking any extra citalopram. I have only shared this to make my story complete.

[scallywag]

That's rough news. I'm glad you're doing okay. Continue being kind to yourself.

[joy2730]

Thank you scallywag. Even though it is very traumatic I have no desire to increase my dosage and hide from my emotions. The support us inaluable on this site.

[joy2730]

Feeling well today. Had a good sleep past night and got a lot more done first thing this morning. When theI get to the lower dosages I do seem to have more energy. Back home for 3 days now. so glad that I went straight back to a lower dose.

[joy2730]

Fine on 14.5 mg citalopram.  Felt a bit sick when I cleaned my teeth this morning, but that's about it.  Not bad considering the stress I am under.  The work stress is really settling now, thank goodness.  I have arranged to view my ex husband's body next Tuesday and next Wednesday is his funeral, so after that I should start to pick up.

 

Spent a lovely day with my 2nd husband of 30 years today, on the farm together, watching DVDs and keeping each other company.  I had a sleep this afternoon, I have my best sleep's in the afternoon but I don't often get the chance.

 

I probably have a few withdrawal symptoms but not much.

 

Take care everyone.

[Flowers]

So sorry that things are so tough for you at the moment.

 

If I manage to get a nap in the afternoon I feel so much better afterwards. The sleep is different, more relaxed and deeper to what I experience at night after taking the Cit.

 

You are in my thoughts.

[joy2730]

Thanks so much flowers. I am coping well and sticking to 14.5 mg. I woke last night and for a split second my world was back to normal and then i remembered. I feel a wreck compared with before the suicide and am forgetful and preoccupied but it's not withdrawal. I just have next week to get through and then it should be easier. Police have been brilliant. I parked for 5 min yesterday in my local town without putting my parking disc time up and got a parking ticket. The inspector wa's so sympathetic when I explained and told me to write in and explain. In that respect I am totally unravelling but I can work and do important stuff but my mind wanders and forgets easily at present. I know is not withdrawal just life.

[joy2730]

The only withdrawal symptom I have at present is the odd hot flush and nothing else whatsoever. Other than the social stress I am under life is fine. The shock of my ex husband's death is settling a little now but it really did but my concentration and memory for example last night I nearly took my morning citalopram before bed. I have never made that mistake before ever.

[joy2730]

Even though I am reporting no withdrawal symptoms I am in fact in withdrawal. I was very wobbly going to the bathroom today when I first woke up and haven't had any alcohol or any other drugs so it must be withdrawal. It was very marked. I nearly fell over.

[joy2730]

Doing well. Odd slight break out of mild sweating but that is all. Back home tomorrow when I can con c entrance on myself and my family and say good ye to my ex husband forever. Out of the two of us I would never have believed he would have lost his life to suicide. He has not had a history of psychiatric illness whereas I have had loads.

[Flowers]

I get the wobbles in the morning too Joy. It soon wears off though. Good luck for this coming week when you have a lot to deal with.

[joy2730]

Thanks Flowers, it is very reassuring to hear that someone also gets wobbles.  I am now at home for a while, so can power down a little.  I am feeling well but do have some anxiety.  14.5 mg is where I am staying now for ages.

 

My anxiety is taking the form of police speed cameras, we have loads in this area at the moment.  I keep imaging they are getting me for speeding even when I am not.  I was caught speeding unintentionally last week when I have just found out about my ex husband's suicide and I wrote asking to be let off for mitigating circumstances, but they are not allowed to let me off.  I find it is as if I am putting all my anxiety onto that one fixation.

 

I feel well and look well.  I need to get the viewing of the body and the cremation out of the way and then I think I will feel great relief.  I can then put to permanent rest a very difficult relationship.

 

I also feel a little nauseated on a morning when I get up, especially when cleaning my teeth, so withdrawal is going on in the background.  I am beginning to think I might stay on a low dose of citalopram for ever, as apparently some people are doing.  Its too early to make that sort of decision though.

 

My present husband, daughter and son-in-daughter, even my son, have been very understanding about Jonathan's suicide, but I still wish he had stayed alive, to take your own life is a permanent solution to what may have been a temporary situation.  I have been 'sectioned' twice before in my life to prevent me taking my own life and I am glad now that I was made to survive.  Life may not be easy now and I am damaged by my past, but at least I will get to see my grandchild and have some sort of life and future.

 

I have decided that SLOW and STEADY is the only way to withdraw from citalopram.  Take care Flowers and everyone else.  It is so good that we can all learn from each other on site's such as this.

[joy2730]

Viewed my ex husband's body yesterday and he looked really well.  I am so glad I saw him after his suicide and before his cremation.  It is never appropriate to kill yourself in my opinion.  I think he will have done it on impulse.  I coped well with seeing his body and the undertaker and his wife were brilliant.  I would give anything to talk to him again.

 

Today was the cremation.  I felt totally stunned and in a complete daze.  I got home and wept and wept but still feel stable and Ok on my 14.5 mg citalopram.  Had a little bit of ear ache during the service, which I know to be a withdrawal symptom for me. 

 

I couldn't help but wonder if he had started taking an antidepressant or other psychiatric drug which had then pushed him into suicide.  I do know this can happen.

There are so many unanswered questions for me.  I am going to let time pass and then see if his widows and daughters will speak to me, but I won't be pressing it.  It has altered the way I view life entirely, he has now left me to be on this earth without him.

 

Doing well despite everything.  Withdrawal has to take place with the background of real life.

[joy2730]

Feeling well

[joy2730]

Really good sleep last night and I am feeling well. I have recently survived a bad employer, a change of care provider for my job, taken on a little extra work and my first husband''s suicide. Plus a bad bout of withdrawal symptoms. Doing well on 14.5 mg. Feel a bit achy and some very slight earache today that's all.

[SquirrellyGirl]

It must have been hard facing your ex-husband's death by suicide, for the fact that unresolved issues will never be revisited.  Even if you never had any intentions of doing so, just knowing that person was out there somehow brings comfort, I think, and so when they are gone we are left cogitating and thinking "but wait...!"  I have old boyfriends that I sometimes fantasize about talking with them again and discussing what the issues were with the perspective of time and wisdom.  One I left without even really discussing it, I was so traumatized. The idea of seeing him again even 20+ years later brings up shame/guilt over how I bailed out.  I don't know how I'd deal with it if I learned of his untimely death!

 

With antidepressants being found to be part of the story of so many suicides and acts of violence, it does leave you wanting to know, doesn't it?

Though I have no numbers, I gather a majority of suicides were depressed and perhaps in treatment for that depression, usually with antidepressants.  So, it leaves you wondering if the drugs were the tipping point, either adverse reactions or withdrawing from them, since we know that SI rears its ugly head in severe withdrawal quite a lot!

 

I'm sorry for your loss, Joy, but glad you are handling it all pretty well all said and told!

 

SG

[joy2730]

Thank you SG. His widow has been in touch and she is going away for a while but when she gets back we are going to meet up. Apparently the last six months of his life were very difficult but I don't know why.

 

Few hot flushes today and feel a little low but all doable. I do know I have lost someone dear to me and thought he would always be there.

[joy2730]

Nausea and flushes have eased but I have an enduring sense if loss that is u describable or it may be a neuro emotion or a mixture of both.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Joy,

 

It sounds like what you are going through is, mostly, normal grief.  You may be feeling a bit confused with the intensity of your feelings because of him being your ex but it is someone with whom you shared part of your life.  It's most likely bringing up memories of the past and a variety of good and bad feelings about that.  You are also dealing with the shock of how he died.  All of this is normal.  Allow yourself to grieve.

[joy2730]

Thank you ChessieCat for your observation.  Hopefully it is just normal grief.  I met my first husband when I was nearly 13, and we divorced after a short marriage when I was in my mid twenties.  It was a very volatile and difficult relationship but we loved each other deeply, we both remarried quickly.  My second marriage has been fine and gave me two children, but I have never known that intensity of love in my second marriage. 

 

My second husband is being great about all this.

 

I must give it time, so I am sticking at 14.5 mg citalopram.

 

By the way everyone I have started to loose weight, yes, but some of that maybe grief.

 

I read something on Rxisk.org that some people go into a withdrawal that can never resolve and they are left in a kind of limbo - I can't take that chance.  How do you know you are going to be one of those people?  If I have a prolonged good patch on 14.5 mg and my weight is easier to control, I might decide to jump off trying to reduce further.

 

Does anyone know any more about this aspect of withdrawal.  Has anyone any links?  This is serious stuff.

 

Take care everyone, today I am a little sweaty, a little sick, with a tiny headache and an achy heart, but managed swim, sauna and aquafit this morning and am now spending the afternoon with my 2nd husband, and my pregnant daughter is coming for supper.  I mustn't forget the living.  Am meeting up with Joanthan's 2nd wife soon, and she is going to provide me with some answers.

[Flowers]

Hi Joy

 

So sorry you have had all this going on when trying to maintain your taper. If it helps at all I lost my best friend in February this year and things were pretty rocky for a few weeks after that. I didn't carry on tapering whilst I was getting over the loss as I wouldn't have known if I was experiencing WD symptoms or grief. 

 

I realised that life really does go on and although I miss my friend dreadfully I have others in my life who need me to be well. So once I felt I had got over the initial shock I started tapering again and have been fine. I have just been back to UK for 10 days on my own to visit other friends in Devon and Wales and really enjoyed myself. It did me good although I have put weight on enjoying all the goodies!!

 

I will not even let myself think that I may be one of those people who never get over WD and are left in limbo. My quality of life is so much better than it was this time last year and the only thing that keeps me going is that this time next year I will feel even better.

 

Well done on the weight loss by the way!

 

xxxx

[joy2730]

The trouble is that it is my dead ex husband I complained about to the police recently and on the day I decided to drop the charges he kllled himself, so my grief is made worse by guilt.

 

I am now very sweaty, sick and anxious and have just updosed to 20 mg citalopram to try to feel physically better.  I need to somehow hold my life together.  I need to feel better than this.

 

I feel that by doing this I have let myself down and all my friends on this site, but I have to be honest with you all.  I look a mess and feel a mess, I feel I am trying too hard..

 

I used to take 30 mg, so there has been some improvement.  I feel exhausted from trying and although not sleeping badly at all I don't feel rested.

 

So I am failing, last time I failed someone said they wouldn't be following my posts anymore, so I feel this is the end for me on this SA website.  I have really enjoyed all I have learnt here, but my sense of having failed is awful.  Perhaps I am getting depressed again.

 

I will miss you all, especially Flowers and SG.  Bubble once said I would panic and go up the dose again, she was right, but if anyone had to walk in my shoes right now ........................................

[bubble]

Hello Joy,

 

We have people who are jumping up and down in doses all the time and doing all sorts of things which they have been told are not good for them. Sometimes we all do them. I never know what I can do if I get desperate. It's all part of the process and part of learning. Don't beat yourself too much about this. That can't help.

 

One day when you stick with the dose despite the symptoms you will be on your way to a drug free life. All of us need some time to experience this life changing experience: enduring a wave and seeing how our symptoms go away without changing anything about the drug.

 

Since you took that bigger dose once only you can just go back to your previous dose, pull down your sails, look at non-drug ways to manage symptoms and wait for the storm to blow over.

 

Going up in dose means you don't believe yourself and your coping skills. But this is the best time to practice them.

 

 Regarding the rest of us: it is frustrating but we've seen worse Don't worry about us

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[joy2730]

Thanks Bubble, what you are saying is this is the time to work on my coping skills.  I am thinking over the next few days, thanks for understanding, that makes it easier to try to work things through.