☼ Wildflower0214 Effexor WD and PTSD

[btdt]

To answer you question I think it was a wk or so other reactions were a lot longer but I was on Mag less than a wk I think 3 days.  Bit B concoction I took was 6 wks wearing off or calming down... it too seemed good to start with. till it wasn't... no idea why just listened to my body after that it has been low dose all the way for me. 

[btdt]

I read before and had a science article on another now missing site to back it up that heat on the spine increases norepinephrine and if you bp is low upping this would be helpful... try some heat on your spine it has helped me before I know it sounds like it could not possibly help but it has. 

It is the only safe thing I can think of that does not actually go into you body.  

[btdt]

I find heat on the spine and cold on the neck confuse a headache right out of my head... this bit of confusion seems to make something kick in and work right as the body senses some confusion... no idea why it works but sometimes it does. Not sue either if it would work for bp ect but it could peace

[Wildflower0214]

Yes frustrating.. I barely know the person I was.

I hope your one of the lucky ones who get it all back till then being with yourself here and now is the best you could hope for I wish you peace and healing.

Maybe we don't get to go back. Maybe we come out different, and have to learn who to be. I don't know, but it's disheartening at times.

[Wildflower0214]

Yes! Will try all of the above recommendations btdt. Thank you for your input and your time .

[btdt]

I am in an odd place lately here is where I seem to want to be a lot with my time...not sure it comes and goes like that when I feel too sick to be here it is worse then there is this middle ground when I am here a lot then there are times I have been having a life it all comes around and around.  It has been awhile since I have been having a life I think I am due. 

 

I think when you have been there it is good to make some sensible use out of what has been learned even tho we are all different there is a chance it could be helpful.  Hours and hours spent googling and trying hair brain ideas should not be kept to oneself after all...lol been quite a ride. 

 

Believe it or not I compared to when I started on sites like this years ago I think there has been some bit of headway.  Maybe the next decade will bring much more.  We can hope it will depend on what the new people here do with what they learn.  I really believe that paying it forward is the way to go.  

your welcome peace to you

[Wildflower0214]

Well, tryptophan in turkey is totally not my friend. I felt off last night, and had awful anxiety all day, felt like I was slipping off the edge of reality. To make matters even more fun, my father has come into town ( he's clueless and in denial about my situation) because my mom had to move all her stuff from another state, so she can come and live with me. She will be gone 3 days, and I do not feel comfortable being alone. So my dad is here. I know I am grateful for their help and support, but this situation is wearing them both out, and it's hard. Also, just having my dad here, which is a change in my environment is causing anxiety.

Also, since I've been feeling weird from my encounter with a turkey burger, none of the things that used to help me cope are working. Not to mention, I feel bordering on paranoid.

However, despite this I managed to go with my mom to run errands. I made myself.

I don't want to get into "this is awful, this is how it is always going to be, I'm losing it!" mindset. Trying very hard not to.

Hope everyone is putting one foot in front of the other towards health. Always thinking of everyone.

[crazykatie]

Hang in there sweetie. I don't mean to be rude, but I am so happy that I haven't experienced another any food sensitivities. I don't know how you do it. The paranoia is prolly induced from lack of sleep. I agree with making yourself get out everyday. Even if just 5 min.

I'll be praying for you even more now that you're already experiencing anxiety just on the thought of your dad coming. Maybe this will make it click with your father.

Hugs!

[btdt]

Well, tryptophan in turkey is totally not my friend. I felt off last night, and had awful anxiety all day, felt like I was slipping off the edge of reality. To make matters even more fun, my father has come into town ( he's clueless and in denial about my situation) because my mom had to move all her stuff from another state, so she can come and live with me. She will be gone 3 days, and I do not feel comfortable being alone. So my dad is here. I know I am grateful for their help and support, but this situation is wearing them both out, and it's hard. Also, just having my dad here, which is a change in my environment is causing anxiety.

Also, since I've been feeling weird from my encounter with a turkey burger, none of the things that used to help me cope are working. Not to mention, I feel bordering on paranoid.

However, despite this I managed to go with my mom to run errands. I made myself.

I don't want to get into "this is awful, this is how it is always going to be, I'm losing it!" mindset. Trying very hard not to.

Hope everyone is putting one foot in front of the other towards health. Always thinking of everyone.

It has only been a couple of months off effexor fast taper too.  I get how you are trying to maintain some semblance of normal it can be very important to self image and image takes beating thru withdrawal we all know.  All the things you mention - running around with your Mom ...having your father stay when he may not get it.. change in living arrangements.... new food that your reacting to...EVERYTHING all at one time is a lot and too much is too much. 

I have done too much over and over again trying to push thru as that is my MO for overcoming obstacles in my life prior.  We hear all the time the benefits of perseverance and determination... it is pounded into us by culture and often life. 

Still this is not healing your body in early withdrawal does not for me at least respond well to this pattern that works for other things.  In the one on one battles the small ones that make up the war of withdrawal pushing past it has very limited use in my experience.  It took me a very long time to figure out when I had over done it.  I learn everything by doing another MO in time you will be able to judge when it is too much and try to avoid it when you can.  I know too it can't always be avoided life happens when we are otherwise preoccupied with our survival.  

Generally healing from this is easier if we do not let ourselves get overwhelmed by life when we have a say as you learn more about this you will become a better judge of what enough is. 

There is a learning curve for this in seeing the patterns and knowing when you need to step out of the fray and care for yourself.  If it is let go on too long in my experience it takes longer to gain back the stability you had.  All that said there are shifts in withdrawal where nothing you can see has changed yet a nose dive comes out of the blue.  If I am going to be any use to you at all I need to be setting up a mind set of understanding that some times you can ward off wave and minimize the fallout by taking time out early on when your feeling the heat and not pushing.  It is just more comfortable to not let it escalate if you can stop it. 

The paranoia for me is one thing that says I am overwhelmed it may not be the same for you but if it is a sign this is a good time for time out as soon as you can after it hits time out.  Bath rest meditation time alone a walk whatever it takes that works for you. 

I always find it difficult to try to explain my situation to other people and for the most part nobody asks folks just assume I have issues and don't press me too much on what they are.  Close family of course have heard all about withdrawal over the years and I am sure they heard more than they want to hear.. and they are likely also thinking no way in hell it could go on this long but are sick of asking for fear I will talk even more. 

Parents I think may be a different matter as they are more invested in the outcome of your life in their hearts.  I don't have parents but I can imagine this is a difficult situation to explain to your father.  One thing I am sure is on your side in this matter is the fact that your mother knows already and I am sure she has talked to your father so your thinking he does not get the ins and outs of your situation you may be pleasantly surprise to find out he is. 

At this point if I were in your shoes I would try to establish whatever you had in common with your father during your life and let it rest there for a bit. After taking care of yourself ... matters may well find there own way.  If he needs information from you he will be getting it by looking at you.  Or this is what I think... not sure I did not have a father after toddler age so I am not sure how fathers work exactly but I know for sure if it was my mother in room with me I would not have to say much as she knows my every nuance and guess more then I tell most people without me saying a word. 

Try not to worry about it and trust his love and faith in you. Number one priority eating food you know you can eat without incident and self care. 

Hope some of that was helpful I wish you peace. 

[Wildflower0214]

Yes, it was helpful. My dad is here today, and it's not as bad as I thought, but this morning still having anxiety. I guess the reason I push so much, is that staying at home drives me nuts. Makes my anxiety worse and too much time to think, so getting out of the house helps distract me. I used one of those YouTube videos for sleep that you recommended and prayed, and I did sleep, who knows how much but thankful to God for anything I get.

The turkey was a stupid move. I wasn't thinking about how already stressful this weekend may prove to be and adding a new good item on the eve if that was ridiculous. Maybe dots I will connect in the future.

And I ride with my mom to errands, cause I hate being alone during this. Never bothered me before in ally life. But being alone indefinitely is not good fo me. Maybe I need to work on that.

 

Thank you. I feel like this has been going on forever, and it has only been 3 months.

[Wildflower0214]

*food

[Wildflower0214]

How do I know if I'm doing too much? If I don't force myself to get out of my comfort zone, I'm afraid I will never leave my house.

[Wildflower0214]

Symptoms from eating the wrong thing:

Numbness around my eyes

Headache

Paranoia

Feeling like I'm slipping of the edge

Anxiety

Emotional liability

I think I triggered a wave, I noticed looking back, that I am less able to go out in public for extended times, easily overstimulated by lights, sounds, etc. triggers anxiety, I think I've gotten worse(wave) who the h*ll knows at this point it's so confusing.

[Petunia]

How do I know if I'm doing too much? If I don't force myself to get out of my comfort zone, I'm afraid I will never leave my house.

 

If what you are doing is making you feel worse, then its probably too much at this point.  Its not possible to 'force' healing, by making ourselves do things, in early withdrawal, we need to focus on keeping the nervous system calm, distraction is good, but it needs to be a calm activity which isn't over stimulating.

 

I understand the fear of becoming trapped inside, in a comfort zone and never being able to go out.  I'm the same, but I learned the hard way and did too much when I should have been resting, some of it was because I had no choice though.

 

Have you noticed a pattern where you generally feel better at a certain time of the day.  If you wait until you feel calmer, then going out can often be a better experience.  Withdrawal isn't like panic attacks and 'normal' agoraphobia, which generally have a cognitive basis, so the exposure treatments used to treat these conditions usually doesn't work very well in withdrawal, especially not in the acute stage.

 

If you are in a wave, then try and accept it, knowing that it will pass, you will feel better again and will be able to do more.

 

This topic may help:

 

How much should I push myself

[btdt]

What Petu said  

I get the not wanting to be alone I have had times like that too then switched to locking the door of my room covering the windows with foil to keep out the light and wearing the big headphones to block noise.  

Not trying to freak you out I am just saying when I was overstimulated by light and sound people were the last thing I could tolerate my patients was gone my room was a haven.  So as the symptoms come and go and change and dance around we tend to cater to them as to what is the most bothersome and least tolerable.  Avoid the worst and try and put up with the rest. Some people tend to get things others never get like light and sound sensitivity or some did not get it to the extent I did.  I could not stand the sound of tires on the pavement really could not take it so home was the place for me then.  Three months is three months of the hard stuff and three months of not having anything previously in life that relates to this experience.  That makes it difficult to assimilate... not saying it is ever easy but once your use to it... it seems less terrifying and a bit more understandable.  As time goes on and you find some tools that will help you will feel less helpless too.  It will come in good time lots of tools here in self care to investigate when you up to it. 

I am glad being with your father is better than you expected again I wish you peace... use that utube video it can't hurt may help. One tool

[Wildflower0214]

Btdt,

Thank you for your kind response. I will respond more specifically when in better mental state. I had a 3 night 0 sleep stint about a week ago. I've slept on and off since then.

It's almost 4am here and I'm awake. I am scared I will go days again, I felt like I was losing it during that time. I still haven't recovers from my food disaster, ad maybe that is causing it? But scared to take anything else as it may backfire. But what am I supposed to do about the sleep!? I know at some point I will have to take something.

I know the only other way to treat insomnia without/meds/supps is neurofeedback. But I'm scared to do that too.

I'm just scared right now. I know u went without sleep, how long did you go before you had to take something? I'm hypersensitive to everything it seems.

[Wildflower0214]

Up all night last night. No sleep. Tried to take a little bit of Gaba, bit the pill in half. And it made me anxious. It worked fine three weeks ago. So scared and frustrated. I'm afraid if I don't sleep I'll end up in a bad place.

[crazykatie]

I know how that feels JDM. Keep faith n know you are experiencing sleep deprivation. You are not going insane. Try to lay down throughout the day. I found if I could at least rest that I felt somewhat better.

I had this thing with my eyes moving constantly when they were closed. It made it really hard to sleep.

[Wildflower0214]

I'm considering doing neurofeedback again. I know it has helped others in WD. I did one session once before and didnt care for it, but I believe it was because she didnt know what she was doing.

 

Any advice?

[Wildflower0214]

Thank you Katie.

[btdt]

Up all night last night. No sleep. Tried to take a little bit of Gaba, bit the pill in half. And it made me anxious. It worked fine three weeks ago. So scared and frustrated. I'm afraid if I don't sleep I'll end up in a bad place.

Now is the time to limit the input quiet time... low lighting ...low sound ... relaxation.  This may coax your system down... take a bath relaxation utube if that is not working calming quiet walk colour if you have a book with crayons... look for tools. Bake something to give away.  quiet and easy is the way... I hope it settles.  

If it does not settle a few days without sleep is not fun but it can be done rest quietly for part of the time try the tools in the tool box ...self care. 

[Wildflower0214]

Well, my muscles are twitching like crazy, and im really really anxious and again, paranoid due to lack of sleep. Is this a wave? What is this? It's awful. I am thinking of going back and doing neurofeedback again to get some sleep. I don't know though. I'm getting desperate. I can't focus to journal or do much of anything. Wonder if it's the last bit of benzo I'm on?

[Wildflower0214]

Well, my muscles are twitching like crazy, and im really really anxious and again, paranoid due to lack of sleep. Is this a wave? What is this? It's awful. I am thinking of going back and doing neurofeedback again to get some sleep. I don't know though. I'm getting desperate. I can't focus to journal or do much of anything. Wonder if it's the last bit of benzo I'm on?

[Wildflower0214]

Well, my muscles are twitching like crazy, and im really really anxious and again, paranoid due to lack of sleep. Is this a wave? What is this? It's awful. I am thinking of going back and doing neurofeedback again to get some sleep. I don't know though. I'm getting desperate. I can't focus to journal or do much of anything. Wonder if it's the last bit of benzo I'm on?

[Wildflower0214]

Submit button got stuck. Sorry

[btdt]

This is withdrawal it is just part of it. 

Relax best you can take a walk if you can't sit still... do some yoga if your able.  when you can't think making use of your hands or feet will drain some of the excess energy.  Take a bath wash your hair walk your dog play fetch do something to take your mind off what is going on.  If you have any pass time things do them knit pain color DO something or DO nothing try both and see which helps. 

[Wildflower0214]

 

 

How do I know if I'm doing too much? If I don't force myself to get out of my comfort zone, I'm afraid I will never leave my house.

If what you are doing is making you feel worse, then its probably too much at this point. Its not possible to 'force' healing, by making ourselves do things, in early withdrawal, we need to focus on keeping the nervous system calm, distraction is good, but it needs to be a calm activity which isn't over stimulating.

 

I understand the fear of becoming trapped inside, in a comfort zone and never being able to go out. I'm the same, but I learned the hard way and did too much when I should have been resting, some of it was because I had no choice though.

 

Have you noticed a pattern where you generally feel better at a certain time of the day. If you wait until you feel calmer, then going out can often be a better experience. Withdrawal isn't like panic attacks and 'normal' agoraphobia, which generally have a cognitive basis, so the exposure treatments used to treat these conditions usually doesn't work very well in withdrawal, especially not in the acute stage.

 

If you are in a wave, then try and accept it, knowing that it will pass, you will feel better again and will be able to do more.

 

This topic may help:

 

How much should I push myself

Petu, thank you for the reference.

Many times I've passed that topic and never looked at it. Honestly, I allow myself to be pushed because I hate being at home alone, and my mom goes out everyday, she hates sitting. So, I just go. I need to learn how to be alone during this. I think I will become more accustomed as time goes on. I do alright now, if I just know what time I can count on her return.

Yes, I've gotten knocked on my butt with a wave. But, you know, it just reminds me that I had a good solid 2 months in the beginning. I was not symptom free, and I wasn't a happy camper really, but really a lot to be grateful for. And if I was there during the earliest part of my WD then surely I will be there again.

Hope u are well. Glad you enjoyed your movie with your daughter. It's nice to be distracted from this every once in a while.

[Wildflower0214]

What Petu said

I get the not wanting to be alone I have had times like that too then switched to locking the door of my room covering the windows with foil to keep out the light and wearing the big headphones to block noise.

Not trying to freak you out I am just saying when I was overstimulated by light and sound people were the last thing I could tolerate my patients was gone my room was a haven. So as the symptoms come and go and change and dance around we tend to cater to them as to what is the most bothersome and least tolerable. Avoid the worst and try and put up with the rest. Some people tend to get things others never get like light and sound sensitivity or some did not get it to the extent I did. I could not stand the sound of tires on the pavement really could not take it so home was the place for me then. Three months is three months of the hard stuff and three months of not having anything previously in life that relates to this experience. That makes it difficult to assimilate... not saying it is ever easy but once your use to it... it seems less terrifying and a bit more understandable. As time goes on and you find some tools that will help you will feel less helpless too. It will come in good time lots of tools here in self care to investigate when you up to it.

I am glad being with your father is better than you expected again I wish you peace... use that utube video it can't hurt may help. One tool

I did what you said. I turned lights down, listened to music, prayed, spent time with God, read some

Scriptute. And it lightened the load.

 

I know I sound like a bat out of h*ll somedays. But, what you said is right. 3 mos of rough stuff with no reference. Learning curve. Also, I lost my brother to medical negligence and so this situation seems like a broken record. I also have some post-traumatic stress ( I've dropped the disorder part, what gives me a disorder because I was around abusive people? that makes them disordered, not me) most of my issues are about control, and fear of the unknown, so the current situation is very very difficult on me.

 

But, tonight I remembered God did not give me a spirit of fear. That is not my intended path. It is not my identity. It's a reaction to trauma. That's it.

 

So, I'm awake and currently ok with it. I want to sleep and am tired, but this is the process. Fighting it makes me sooooo much worse. I'm

Sure I will learn this lesson a million times during this process. Have to be grateful for what I have. Another lesson to be learned repeatedly.

 

My dad is being helpful. He actually came and sat and held my hand this morning when I cried I'm bed. That's a first. ????

 

How are you?

Hope you are well.

 

Thank you for your kind responses to my flying off the handle into "I have to control this" land. Thanks for the patience.

[btdt]

I think if you did not already have ptsd this process could cause you would not be the first to be misdiagnosed while having a reaction to drug to having ptsd... or to actually aquire it from the process of "treatment"  

 

I am glad you Dad is there and is being helpful and loving to you.  Whatever you struggles it is good to know people love you.  

 

I have to control this land is where I spent much of my life thinking all these reactions were a mental illness that if it won I would be lost to mental hosp till the end of time and stigmatized forever... I know it well.  Years close to 20 I spent there... more than 20 if you add withdrawal timelines to the mix.  There will be times in withdrawal this will serve you well this will and this need to control... but not when your trying to make your body not have withdrawal in that case the more you fight the more you lose... I know I am a born fighter too... it is my innate instinct to fight back.  There will come a time for it just not now. 

 

Just now withdrawal wins hands down limiting the damage and the effect it has on your system is the best you can hope for ...keep this in mind your body knows how to heal itself better than you do right now it is fighting like hell to fix the damage and regain health.  It can't do it without symptoms unfortunately. 

 

There is a chance your reacting to the mag if you ever try it again go very very very low dose.  I am not sure what else your taking but be very careful... not hat withdrawal can't cause all this without a reaction it can do this and more... but a reaction is just extra trouble you don't need. It seems to me most people that have extreme reactions to supplements are in the first 2 -3 years and after that time line it goes down in incidents some...seems to be no studies of course. 

 

I am sleeping I have not been for a time and I have been having headaches a lot of them. I am hoping now that sleep has been back for a day I will be coming around soon and maybe the headaches will let up. 

 

Make peace with your body it is doing the best it can and needs your help too... peace to you and yours.  

 

ps 

I hope your family believes you that this is withdrawal and does not try to get you to a doc who will re drug you... for some reason people who love us still believe doctors can cure us... I know that can be a trap for some of us.  Some real people in my real life here have fallen to family pressure and are re drugged... I hate seeing it as I see them decline but they are their own bosses...my hands are tied. 

[Wildflower0214]

No, my family knows that I can't take anything, and they know it's the meds, because this is not the person I was for 23 years before I ever took meds. So they believe it is damage from the meds. My dad is trying to get me to do neurofeedback which they use for withdrawal for illicit drugs. But I'm unsure. Monica , from Beyond Meds did it with great success, but I don't know if I want to risk it. It would be mostly for sleep.

I reinstated the mag at very minuscule amt to help with leg twitches. But I believe this current crap is from the turkey reaction. Clearly down hill from there. I did sleep last night on and off for a bit and grateful to God for that. So grateful.

Yes, I am a fighter and a fixer. So this has thrown me for a loop. But every minute God is showing me how to stay in the moment, in the present, and not to look forward or ruminate about how I got here. It is a hard process to learn but bit by bit. Trying.

[Wildflower0214]

Been bed ridden for a few days now. Showering, but thats it. Hate hate hate these crawly sensations on my legs. Hate. Just a few weeks ago I got out everyday, and prepared meals. I drove myslef to therapy last week. now, anxious about everything. All the changes in my environment with my dad being here and my mom being away and then the move happens tmm. I told my dad I can't be in te house when it happens. So I'm going to a hotel for the day with him, which I appreciate but is still a change in environment. Makes me nervous. I wish they could understand how just the littlest things cause chaos in my system when I'm in a wave. They just keep saying, it has to happen, and maybe it does. Life keeps moving. But I can't move with it, and I wish they understood.

[westcoast]

Hi JD, thanks for your comments on my thread. Like everyone I am sorry to hear of your current condition. It's beautiful that your family understands this stuff and that your dad held your hand! Mine seems to but is not of the loving, supportive ilk.

What do you mean by crawly sensations in your legs? I had something after a brief trial of Strattera (Strattera?) that sounds similar, but it was like feeling physical anxiety in my legs. I googled straterra leg pain, and sure enough, it's a known thing.

WC

[Wildflower0214]

Yes. In a rough patch. It's like restless leg syndrome. But with tiny crawly feelings. It's awful.

Magnesium fixes it but it drops my blood pressure out, even if I only take a little bit. And I feel like I'm going to pass out.

I have to find some way to fix it.

[Wildflower0214]

Magnesium did it again!! Btdt, how did you sleep with the leg situation?

How did you react to it? It drops my blood pressure low and makes me dizzy and have anxiety.

[Wildflower0214]

Also, just documenting so I can go back and look, had about a two hour window today of feeling less miserable. Sat by the creek outside and walked dog very briefly. But, I noticed the prettiness of nature around me, which hasn't happened in weeks.

[Wildflower0214]

Hi JD, thanks for your comments on my thread. Like everyone I am sorry to hear of your current condition. It's beautiful that your family understands this stuff and that your dad held your hand! Mine seems to but is not of the loving, supportive ilk.

 

What do you mean by crawly sensations in your legs? I had something after a brief trial of Strattera (Strattera?) that sounds similar, but it was like feeling physical anxiety in my legs. I googled straterra leg pain, and sure enough, it's a known thing.

 

WC

My father isn't either. That is what's amazing. He also prayed for me, I've never in all my life heard te man pray.