jen84: Effexor withdrawal

[mammaP]

Yes I am still on 2 beads. I have very long holds between cuts and have only cut 2 beads in 18 months! 

 

It is quite hard with the last few beads because to go from 4 to 3 is a 25% cut and it  seemed too

much and had to go back up to 4 twice. The last cut from 4 to 3 went fine though with no symptoms

so I think I just wasnt ready.  I had some awful waves while stabilising after reinstating 5 beads and it

took a long time to settle down.  The cut from 3 to 2 has started to affect me but I am staying put because

it isn't really that bad. I've been much worse so will be patient and allow my brain to catch up. 

Hudgens tapered by dry cutting and crushing tablets, he is now completely off and doing well so that is 

an inspiration for me. Liquid is the best if it can be got hold of, or the rapid release tablets rather than the

capsules as they can be crushed and made into a liquid. I can't get those here unfortunately. 

 

I did get the liquid venlafaxine but had an allergic reaction to one of the ingredients and had to go back to 

counting beads. I will be off one day but I'm not rushing, as Long as I am doing ok it doesn't matter so much

now, it's just a pain in the butt having to take capsules everywhere and take out just 2 beads! 

[jen84]

Well, these past few days have been pretty rough. This whole having to find work thing is making things more difficult to deal with. I met up with a coworker today, and met her bf, it was nice to meet people outside of work. Im getting pretty tired of dealing with all these emotions/anxiety... I am really feeling like effexor got the better of me, feels like im always going to be like this. yup, im feeling depressed, unsure, scared, anxious, overwhelmed. I know i need to give this time, and I know what i am experiencing is very minor to what other people are going through... but this is what i am feeling right now, and it really sucks. I was feeling fairly decent this morning, so this too shall pass.

[jen84]

mammaP, when did you know you were ready for a taper? how long after you did the taper did the side effects kick in?

[jen84]

Ive been reading so many stories on this site, and am so thankful to all of you for keeping such a descriptive account of what you are experiencing. Last night was really tough, I havent cried like that in a long time. This morning though, I am feeling better, and when I read back to yesterdays post, I feel hopeful that I will not always be like this. We all seem to experience the same feeling of being like this for the rest of our lives, but its moments like this, right now, where I know it will get better. Its so tough to pull myself through the dark parts, so right now, I am just letting myself experience it, and feel that emotion. I have never felt like this in as long as I can remember, and its refreshing to know that I am experiencing these feelings for what feels like the first time in my life.

 

About 7 years ago, I quit drugs... I was using coke, crack, meth, E and pot for well over 5 years.. the meth was only for a half a year, but it was long enough that it really messed with my brain, I had huge problems with paranoia after quitting that crap. Anyways, after I quit the drugs, i was still drinking, I was a full on alcoholic, and had been even before I started drugs. I was able to quit drugs, then it took a long time to even consider stopping the drinking. With the help of family and friends, I was able to attend aa meetings, and saw light at the end of the tunnel. That whole experience was one of the toughest things I have done, or so I thought, until this wd stuff started. I know that if I can beat drugs and alcohol, I can do this. It really just comes down to one day at a time... one hour at a time, and when needed, one minute at a time.

 

I wanted to share this with you all, as it was like a light bulb turned on, when I realized last night that I have been through worse. I had to rid myself of all the people I was "friends" with, and change my hobbies and gain a whole new respect on life. Thankfully, I am able to use my family and friends during this experience, and I dont have to rid myself of bad influences. Since quitting, I have been able to surround myself with good, caring people, and it has made this process that much better. This is all part of my recovery from alcohol and drugs, or so I believe. I started using to dull the pain of low esteem, and self hatred. I no longer feel that way, and love myself. Coming off effexor is another step in boosting my confidence and reminding myself I am no longer who I was and that I no longer feel that way. Its a disturbing place to be when you hate your body and your whole existence as much as I did. I was hospitalized many times for self harming and suicidal thoughts. This is all part of the growing process.

 

Sorry for the rant, This really has been a light bulb moment for me... I will come back to this when i am feeling super down, and re read and hopefully it gives some sort of relief.

[jen84]

Question: I have not had solid bowel movements for a few weeks now... could it be because of the re-introduction of effexor? I am trying to get more fruits and veggies into my diet, but does anyone have any other suggestions?

[jen84]

I had a good day today, lots of laughs. Still concerned about the gut issue... anyone know anything about this? Sorry if it was too much info

[jen84]

Not having a good day, and really starting to question this reintroduction of 5 beads. my mouth is always dry, my guts hate me, i get headaches quite often, which I never used to get, im always anxious and nervous, even though I had a good day yesterday, I was still nervous and had an uneasy feeling. Im feeling really overwhelmed and am questioning this decision! I feel alone in this and Im really scared! I keep reading about people who give the a/d months before they feel stabilized, would'nt I feel a bit stabilized even if I didnt reintroduce?  I am really nervous about coming off the 5 beads, and am really nervous about how the reintro is making me feel. I am at my wits end with this. I cry everyday, my chest is always tight, I feel doomed. 

[mammaP]

Hi Jen, sorry that you are having a bad day. This will pass, it is a wave and there will be more of the to come

but keep riding them and they will pass.  I didn't cut until I had been stable for about 3 months I think, can't

quite remember now but it's in my signature. I listen to my body and make a cut when I have been feeling

stable for a few months. I'm not in any rush and don't care how long it takes as long as I can function. 

Symptoms of withdrawal usually appear a few days after a cut and can be up and down for a few weeks

before stabilising, but the waves have become less intense as tie goes by.

 

I thought the same things as you when I reinstated, wondered if there was any point because the withdrawal

would have settled down eventually by itself. But reading everything here and remembering how I felt before

reinstating I am now pretty certain that I would have been very ill with protracted withdrawal. 

I suspect that the dry mouth and constipation might be dehydration, are you drinking lots of fluids? I did have 

quite severe constipation but the magnesium has helped with that, I take 3 capsules at night. totalling 1500iu.

I haven't a clue how much that is in mgs  . 

[jen84]

Hi MammaP... Thanks for replying.

 

Its not constipation, its the other... I have very very loose stools. I do drink lots of water, or so i think i do. Is there any way that the dry mouth, loose stools, etc is related to the reintroduction of effexor? I am at about 4 weeks of taking the 5 beads now. Im so overwhelmed with this... its coming up to two weeks of this wave, and really, really, not sure of anything. Plus, im done work on Friday, then I have nothing to do!

 

Should I go back to my dr and tell him how im doing? Should I get a prescription for an anxiety medication? Im really freaking scared... How do I know if this is still withdrawal or if I am actually depressed?

[jen84]

today was a better day, in that I havent cried. Still had lots of anxiety and tightness in my chest. 

 

MammaP, when you reinstated, what were your side effects? How long did they last? Have you noticed any sort of improvement since decreasing from the 5? 

[jen84]

Today has been a better day, no anxiety or crying. Perhaps I am coming out of my wave and into a window? Not sure how things will be after tomorrow though, as it is my last day of work. Might have a day or two next week, but thats it, until late March or early April. I might take a few weeks and sit on EI, maybe do a decrease down to 3 beads. Then try to find some sort of work. I reckon the best thing to do would be to go to a temporary employment office. Or I could turn x-country ski bum for the winter... that sounds like a pleasant idear too. 

 

I have a question for when I decide to taper... Is it too soon to do the taper in this window (if that is really what I am going through) or Should I start after my next wave in approximately another month?

 

I have documented my ups and downs for the past month and a half, I seem to have 2 weeks of bad waves, then about two weeks of good windows... so heres to hoping my window stays open for two weeks... or longer 

[Martin]

Based on the tightness in chest, it sounds like it would definately be too soon, and ofcourse you're having gastrointestinal problems if you're suffering from a good bit of anxiety which tightness in chest basically is - also feeling doomed is anxiety, and with anxiety comes stomach issues that is a fact. 

 

Anxiety can easially be part of withdrawal. There's a checklist here with withdrawal symptoms on it so you can see what is withdrawal and what is not. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2390-dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/

 

If the anxiety is hard to deal with there are many supplements that can aid with it. I use l-theanine personally and have many good experiences with that. 

 

Having people around who loves you also makes anxiety easier to deal with. Listening to calming soothing music can also help.

 

Source - I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and schizotypal disorder. I've had panic attacks since I was a child basically. 

[mammaP]

Jen please do NOT cut straight to 3 beads from 5, that will be far too much and could make things worse for you.

Do you have the physical symptoms when you have a window or do they stay the same? I wait until I've been

stable for a good few weeks before considering a cut, because I've cut it too soon in the past and experienced the 

consequences.  

[jen84]

Martin, thanks for the suggestion, I really appreciate it. Do you take the l-theanine  as needed or on a  daily basis? I will do some more research on it. I do have lots of family support, although I do not see them every day, I can call them when needed, and I talk to my mom every night. They are very supportive and understand completely what I am going through. As for my anxiety, I am pretty sure it is related to withdrawal... I only seem to experience it when I am in a wave. I am in a window now, and do not feel any anxiety today. 

 

MammaP, that was a silly spelling error, I meant 4, not 3... oops. My physical symptoms (upset gut) seem to be the same, I will know for sure tomorrow morning after my coffee...   My headaches have gone away, and my dry mouth is better too. I did make a point to drink more water the past few days, so maybe that helped. 

 

Today was another good day, not much anxiety... in fact, I dont think I had any at all. Today was my last day, going to miss the job, but glad to be out of the snow and cold and wet. Looking forward to going back in the spring. Perhaps I should volunteer for the winter, take some time for me and help others at the same time. Seems like a win win to me.

[Martin]

I too have tried being too eager when it comes to withdraw which resulted in heavy anxiety and incredible dizziness - so much that I could barely walk up or down stairs and feared fainting when I walked over roads. 

 

I underestimated how incredible slow you have to take it when you're at a low dosage, particularly because there were no 'experts' guiding me - all I had was hunches and the guides of this community... I recently read that 30% of doctors and 70% of psychiatrists are aware of antidepressant withdrawal issues in prozac backlash. That number doesn't seem far fetched to me. My own doctor assured me that I could just stop taking 18 mg of venlafaxine which would have devastated me. 

 

It was only after I tried powerful withdrawal from tapering too fast that I knew instinctively that my doctor had been wrong all along which was my hunch at the time but my mother trusted my doctor - and she's the biggest part of my support network. 

 

Effexor and paxil appear to be incredible powerful drugs - new research has been done on antidepressants where they did a brain scan of people, then gave them an antidepressant - waited 3 hours and did another brain scan... The results show that brain connectivity is severely shut down - which is to say that antidepressants appear to be akin to chemical lobotomy, and this research is only just being done :"now" when it is far far too late, and this was done using normal antidepressants, not the more powerful ones like the ones we 'took'. http://www.drmicozzi.com/antidepressant-drug-shuts-down-brain-connectivity-within-three-hours

 

I take l-theanine pretty much daily as it helps me be social, otherwise I have a hard time being social at all. It should be noted that some people experience paradoxical anxiety on l-theanine, but if you go and ask your doctor for something to help you with anxiety you will most likely be given benzodiazepines which are even more addicting than antidepressants, and the people who experience paradoxical anxiety appear from what I can see to be people who have a need for stimulation like people who has adhd. Besides that it is very well tolerated. The paradoxical anxiety also seem to appear with ashwagandha use, something that also has anti anxiety properties, and sometimes people can have paradoxical anxiety from benzodiazepines use so. 

 

L-theanine has been a lifechanger for me, it doesn't seem to give me drowsiness as other anxiety meds all have as a side effect which is why I love it. though sadly I cannot guarantee that it will have the same effects on you. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21208586

[jen84]

thanks for the reply Martin, its really appreciated. I have read through your posts, and saw that you have successfully come off benzos? I do not know much about them at all, but from what I have read on here, they are more difficult than AD's to come off... so congrats on that. How did you taper at the end? You may have written about it and I may have read it, but i forget already. How many beads of effexor are you on now? I am taking omega 3 fish oil, and have found it really helpful, or so I think it has been. Please do give it a try. 

 

I will go get some Ltheanine today and give it a try. This morning I could feel anxiety while I was still asleep, it was only minutes before I woke up, but what a weird feeling. I have some anxiety right now, especially if I think about the next few months. Weekends have been my weak point up to now, because I do not have distractions or any kind of schedule or work. I know everything will be fine and there is no reason to be feeling like this, so I will try to keep busy with cleaning and getting organized. I had to have lots of gear for work, and it is spilling into every corner of my tiny home, and now my place has turned into a real disaster zone since starting the job. It will be nice to put it all away and get it out of sight. I did find my xmas tree yesterday on our way out of the bush, so I can put that up too and decorate it... my poor cat, she will be getting decorated as well...   I will look into some volunteer stuff around where I live, and will also go to the job bank and see what they have. It would be nice to volunteer somewhere so I can get experience in something that my job has not offered, like office work. I would ultimately like to volunteer with an environmental group or nature group so will keep my eyes open for those opportunities.

 

When I think back, I was also on seroquel, I seem to have had no problem coming off that, but I think I came off while I was still drinking and using, so I am assuming all symptoms would've been masked by that. I do want to get stable before I taper again, and I have to be more patient with this process. I just really want my head fog to go away. 

 

Other than the little bit of anxiety right now, I am feeling good. Ready to clean and maybe make some pancakes for breakfast. Anytime I want to cook, I know I am getting better, it means I am starting to show interest in things I have had no interest in for the past five months. So I better take advantage and do some more cooking today, maybe some soup is in order.

 

Thank you so much to everyone who reads this, even when I am feeling lonely and desperate, I come back here and feel like you all actually care and you understand exactly what I am going through. I am so thankful for this site, I would definitely be lost without it.

[jen84]

Question... When will I know if I have stabilized or not? If I will still be experiencing the windows/waves how do I differentiate between a wave and stabilization? Once I am stable will the waves not be as rocky? I am just wondering if I have already stabilized or if I should be waiting for the waves to be almost non existant? This last wave I went through lasted approx 12 days, so hopefully they get shorter and shorter from here. When I first went off, I was keeping track on my calendar by marking good days, and a good day was if I was feeling a 6/10 or lower. I only had 2 days of feeling 6 or less in August, then it went up to about 15 days in september, about 22 days in October, and I am at about 14 days for november already. Back when I first went off though, I thought a 6/10 was feeling pretty good, now a 6/10 is pretty crappy... which means everything is getting much better. I have had 10 days this month already where I felt I was feeling a 5 or lower, I had 5 days in a row where I was even feeling a 2 or 3. I think I am at about a 3 today, yesterday was a 3 as well. Its so nice to see these numbers get lower. Even during my last wave, my numbers were between 5-7... although during that wave, when I was really hit hard, I felt about an 8, but that soon passed, and I was back down to a 5 or so. I tried to average the numbers for how I felt throughout the whole day.  I am going to write my moods for the past two months, forgive me for taking up so much room... haha

 

This is when I started keeping track by rating my day:

 

Oct 17- 6 Lots of crying in AM

oct 18- 5 Anxiety all day

Oct 19- 8

Oct 20- 3

Oct 21- 5 Cried in PM, some chest tightness

22- 5 Cried in AM

23- 2

24- 4 anxiety in AM

25- 7

26-5

27- 3

28- 3

29- 4

30- 5 anxiety in AM

31- 5

Nov 1- 7

2- 7

3- 2

4- 3

5- 2

6- 3

7- 3

8- 5 Anxiety in PM

9- 6 Anxiety all day

10- 5 Anxiety in am

11- 7 Anxiety all day, cried

12- 6 Anxiety im PM

13- 6 Anxiety in PM, cried

14- 6

15- 7 Cried in PM... LOTS

16- 6 Anx in PM, no crying

17- 5 Anx in PM Cried for a few minutes

18- 4AM 7PM Cried lots in PM, anxiety all day

19- 5 Anx most of day, no crying

20- 3 Very small anxiety in PM

21- 3 maybe a 2? NO ANXIETY OR CRYING!!!

22- so far a 3

[Martin]

Yes - I successfully withdrew from benzodiazepines years ago. It was due to a method Dr Ashton created called the valium method, where you slowly change your benzo from a short acting one to valium over a period of 2 months and then start making reductions every 2-3 weeks. Valium has a half-life of a week, whereas what I took had a half life of 6 hours, which makes it so that you dont experience as many withdrawal symptoms. The theory is akin to bridging with prozac where you change from effexor to prozac - since effexor only has a half-life of about 5-7 hours and prozac has a half-life of 4-6 days. 

 

The main and very critical difference between benzodiazepines and antidepressants are that it is very well established medically that benzodiazepines are incredible hard to withdraw from. I became aware of its addicting potential from my own doctor and subsequently online it was easy to find methods and such for withdrawing and establishing support from my family and doctors - antidepressants are much worse imo because there is such a huge failure to recognise how bad they are from medical staff to researchers. Most of the quality knowledge on the topic lies either in books or this forum and other such forums. The big pharmaceutical companies have managed to sway people, governments and doctors into believing that antidepressants is this magic pill that has very few ills. - One of the pedagogue's in a place I go to told me why he took antidepressants - his reason was to be cosy.......... 

 

In the end I had to wait a month before making changes and I tapered very slowly, which is something a table I had found online explained pretty well.

 

I'm on 18 beads of effexor - but I'm taking it from a 37.5 mg pill so its about 4.7 mg - about the same dose as you I'd imagine. 

 

As to stabilizing - my knowledge is limited, the moderators of this place knows much more but what is implied in the word is that you have normal function. That means no anxiety and crying and dysphoria and anything that could even remotely be called withdrawal symptoms for a period of a month. That would be my hunch atleast.

[Altostrata]

You'll have stabilized when your symptoms are manageable and follow a predictable pattern.

[jen84]

Good morning everyone! Well, my gut has not settled down yet... still the same. I am experiencing some anxiety this morning, but its manageable. I have a few things to do today, so that will take my mind off things. I had some anxiety last night as well, but again, not as bad as it was last week.

[jen84]

Last night was the worst sleep I have had since starting this journey. Not sure if it is because I started L-Thyanin, or maybe something I ate, or maybe this is the new norm? I was tossing and turning, and I couldnt do my deep breathing that I normally do when I cant fall asleep right away and it felt like my heart was racing. I dont think I will take the thyanin today... my work called and they need me for one more week... so I want to be well rested.

 

yesterday morning I had tightness in my chest, and was feeling probably a 4, although I didnt cry, so maybe a 3? Once I got the email about the extra week of work though, I was feeling a 2. I have been sending out resumes, it would be nice if I heard back from one of them this week... fingers crossed. I have always felt like I am underqualified for the positions I want, but I am starting to realize that I just need to apply for them anyways... 

[Martin]

 Not sure if it is because I started L-Thyanin, or maybe something I ate, or maybe this is the new norm?

 

Possible, as I said, some experience paradoxical anxiety on it. I'm sorry to hear that this may be the case.

[jen84]

I had a normal sleep last night... so I dont think the L-Thyanin was a good call for me. Thanks for the suggestion Martin, I will try some green tea and see if that has the same effect. 

 

Yesterday was an ok day in terms of how I was feeling... It was a really lousy work day though. I am disappointed in my work, and wish I wouldve taken the time to do it properly, now I have to show my boss and tell him how embarrassed I am, and show him my work. I was supposed to have work for the rest of the week, but it snowed yesterday, and on the weekend, making it tough to work. I have work today, but I think that might be it. 

 

I was feeling anxious yesterday, and let one sneaky tear slip. It was a frustrating day, so I think it was a frustration tear. 

[jen84]

I guess yesterday was my last day of work... kind of relieved, as it was a 15.5 hr work day... got stranded from a dead battery and had to wait for help. Im feeling really scared now, really anxious, not sure what to do. Im crying and dont know what to do. Should I go back to the dr and tell him im having such a hard time? Why is the stabilization taking so long? Im not sure I can make it through winter feeling like this... I thought I was in a window, but not so sure anymore. This sucks, I just want to feel better. I was fine yesterday, but now that I know I am done work, its really scary. 

 

How do i know if this is withdrawal? I am starting to wonder if this is just me, and I need to stay on pills... I feel so alone, and hopeless. 

[jen84]

phew... the imminent death feeling is gone now and I am feeling a bit better. Although still struggling. Will see how the rest of the day goes. 

[Martin]

How do i know if this is withdrawal? I am starting to wonder if this is just me, and I need to stay on pills... I feel so alone, and hopeless. 

I was having incredible dizziness for quite a while - I was wondering if it was anemia or blood sugar or withdrawal... I got a blood test, it showed that I had no issues at all, in fact they were just fine, and at that point the dizziness that I'd been having for 3 weeks had cleared. Insane dizziness that made me wonder if I'd faint while walking over roads, or fall while walking on stairs.

 

Look at the facts, you've stopped taking one of the most withdrawal inducing antidepressants from 37.5mg to nothing, that is an incredible quick drop. They say taper by 10% of current dose, well that was 100% of current dose. They also say that the last few steps are the hardest. Why wouldn't it be withdrawal symptoms - were you incredible anxious before you started on antidepressants ...? Did you cry everyday when you started on antidepressants...? From what I've read on here you seem to be a truly capable individual that knows what she wants. 

 

Ultimately I'd recommend going to the doctor if panic is becoming the norm. Panic is... Well I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy lets just say that. 

[jen84]

Thanks for a voice of reason Martin. I am not sure what I was like before the AD's, as i was a teenager back before all this. When I am not anxious, I know it is from withdrawal, but while I am experiencing it, it feels like this is the now the norm and I dont know how to deal with it. If I can start recognizing it for what it is, and not give it too much thought, I am sure i can start fighting it with better results. Its quite weird though, today's episode only lasted a half hour, but when Im in a bad wave, it lasts all day long. I am just trying to figure out if there is any sort of pattern in this. I am expecting to hit another bad wave in about a week or so, but I didnt expect to have smaller waves in my windows. Gahhhh... its so crazy how this works. 

 

I do not want to go back to the dr, as I know my fam dr will be pushing something on me. Even now, i feel better and more clear headed then I did while on effexor. I can laugh and cry, and have all these emotions that I have not felt in as long as I can remember, in fact, I dont even know how I felt before going on ad's. I know I was depressed, because of low esteem, but did I laugh like I can laugh now? I am feeling a bit foggy since the reintro, but its better than what I was like before.

 

This website is an incredible source of optimism and hope for me, and I am glad I am able to journal everyday about my moods and experiences. 

 

How are you feeling these days Martin? 

[Martin]

On Anxiety - Ofcourse you have a hard time thinking straight when experiencing anxiety - this is known as the fight or flight responce. The body prepares for an enemy that you either have to fight or flee from so your stomach prepares to get rid of what is in it, your brain stops functioning, your heart starts beating, the adrenaline is pumping and you'll have a hard time falling asleep. There's also a sense of doom or imminent death. 

 

You'll have to learn to fight this with reason. Reason is the single greatest weapon against anxiety. Even as you're experiencing such a powerful emotion it is possible to control it with reason.. Go against your subconcious mind and tell it exactly why it is wrong to be anxious. - Keep doing this untill you get results. I have generalized anxiety disorder and have struggled with panic most of my childhood so I know what I'm talking about. It'll feel quite weird in the beginning but the more you condition yourself to use reason in face of panic, the more this will become the norm and the easier the anxiety will be able to control...

 

On your episodes being odd - Yes, sadly this makes a great deal of sense to me... Remember your fluttering in your stomach experience...? I had that when I quit from 9 mg of venlafaxine and then reinstated 4.7 mg for 3 days, 3 awful days of powerful anxiety, - and then it went away... You had it constantly for how long again...? something like a month...? This is why I've been telling you that stabilization will take a good while. 

 

On your family doctor - This is why I told you about l-theanine, and honestly its a source of great sadness for me that it didnt work out. Which ties into your question about how I'm doing... After this whole withdrawal thing I've started having emotions again. While on effexor I had no emotions whatsoever. I felt like I could wake up and nothing I did matter in any way, shape, or form. I felt like a soulless husk. My level of function is much higher - I can focus for quite a while longer before feeling drained. I can read books or start up new games that I never would have cared to touch before, and the experience of these things are also different. It is like waking up from a bad dream. Recent studies on antidepressants show that males tend to experience emotional blunting because they dont have the same access to their emotions as females do. http://www.drmicozzi.com/antidepressants-cause-emotional-blunting

 

I have a hard time simply writing things on here because I dont have much of a stomach for it. My mind will keep questioning if what I say is the right thing and it'll go through the motions for no reason at all consistently. This is basically how GAD functions, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder , something I'm diagnosed with. Not much is required to trigger it really. - There have been experiences in my life where upon the GAD would keep me going through the motions of worry all day long, and I would never stop, there would be no rest from it. I normalized it and that is what caused me to break down eventually and ask for medications because I developed panic disorder due to it. I kept my mother awake for months before taking any medications because I would panic whenever I was going to bed. Simply sleeping for 3 hours at this time was an accomplishment. They gave me truxal, I fell asleep on it, then I woke up, then I went to my mothers room and lost conciousness making weird noices as if I was having an epileptic attack. This was 1 month in, after 3 months I was forced on benzodiazepines and antidepressants... The benzodiazepines helped immediately - no more anxiety, but I also became a walking zombie, but it was better than having panic attacks and I was able to sleep which was a huge thing for me. My life as a normal human stopped, and my life as an addict began. 

[mammaP]

Hi Jen, you might not feel it but you are doing ok, what you are experiencing are windows and waves which are 

normal in withdrawal. Even when reinstated they will still ebb and flow but the waves will become less and the 

windows stronger in time. I'm glad you are feeling a little better and hope you will get a nice clear window very soon.

Hang in there, it will get better. Mamma hugs.

[Martin]

I had a normal sleep last night... so I dont think the L-Thyanin was a good call for me. Thanks for the suggestion Martin, I will try some green tea and see if that has the same effect. 

This misspelling of l-theanine makes me wonder if you got l-theanine or l-tyrosine. 

[jen84]

Martin, It was L-theanine that I tried. I had some green tea today with lunch, and I will get more so i can have it at home too. What a great day I had! No anxiety at all... And I wasnt even working... I did go buy some cross country skis, boots and poles though, shopping therapy? Haha.

 

I cant imagine dealing with anxiety as long as you have Martin, what an awful feeling. Im glad you are feeling emotion again, its such a nice feeling (when its a good emotion). I didnt even know I could feel this good. I was on ad's for so long and mind altering drugs that I had no idea this feeling even existed. its been a great discovery. 

 

Thanks for the hugs MammaP!

[mammaP]

Glad you are experiencing a window Jen, it's made me smile thinking of you buying skis etc, that is great news 

 

Don't be disheartened if the window closes, it is the way it goes sometimes, just enjoy every moment and remember 

those moments 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Jen.

 

Martin, you've been doing fine! Please do keep sharing your thoughts and feelings.

[jen84]

Today was another great day! I am only having minor anxiety this evening, but its very manageable. I signed up to volunteer with the local food bank/thrift store, so I have my first shift at the thrift store next Tuesday at 1, and I will go to the food bank on Monday! I love thrift stores, so its a win win for both parties. Also, I will be going to work on wed for a former boss. Should be a busy week. We have our xmas party next weekend, a bit nervous for it, but hopefully im still in a window.

[jen84]

I think im going back into wave... had anxiety while sleeping last night, plus anxiety today. Im starting to experience that awful doomed feeling, and not sure what the flip im doing with my life... why does this have to be so hard? Sigh, I really hope this is just a one off day, im not ready to go back to a wave yet. I was feeling so great, i even had my sister and her husband over for dinner last night, and right now I feel like crawling under the blankets and never coming out. I can tell when I am about to hit a wave, i think, as I get the same symptoms I was experiencing previously. They all seemed to clear up this past week, but have come back today. 

[jen84]

I had a bit of a wave earlier... a wave in a window. My anxiety from last night and this afternoon just got to be too much and I had a bit of a melt down, I cried, but only for 2 minutes. Anxiety is gone... for now. What a crazy process this is. I am at 6 weeks since the reintro, hoping I can consider going down to 4 soon, I will see how the next two weeks go, and go from there.