Pitykitty

[Pitykitty]

*note, post moved from another section at member's request

 

About anhedonia, et al. First I feel for all of you, tho I know thats incongruous at this point. Humor? Perhaps. I've experienced ALL of the above but I wish I could return to work. I miss it so much, I miss myself more. It was the psychotic break that made me leave. At the time I assumed it was from the MDD or the Ptsd, etc. Thru my experience + reading these posts, I feel that and the anhedonia are direct results of all the meds I was taking, plus the WD of said meds. Its in my history notes but I believe a lame doc allowed this to happen. Yes, I must go to the intro section to fill in but I needed to get the thought out while I still could. Unfortunately, even the good drs dont really understand. After years of prozac + paxil + AP's my current drs (m.d. + therapy) still want me on meds + discussing my cognitive behavior. The only thing I havent told them is I weaned off the zoloft a couple months ago + doing same with the adderall. Its all a viscious circle...apparently, if im not under their care I could lose my SS bene's and medicare. I'd rather walk away while im still capable. Im entering my 6th year of zombie-dom. The bouts of clinical depression all my life then the hours + days of mental detachment [ that ended my career] were frightening enough, but this "non-existence" has been hell on earth. I am really jaded now b/c all these years I had faith in the system + I just wasnt responding to the meds or treatments. My visiting psych nurse (a sorry joke) told me that its all about the money. I truly believe that now. I really believe him, since that cost med ins $2,000 per month...twice of what I receive to live off of. I fired him. Sorry to go on. I know everyone here understands + I was so relieved to find others in the same boat. Thank u all for putting it out there. If theres 1 small speck of me left inside, im praying this wont last forever. Optimism WAS my middle name. Good luck to all of you. Till next time

Edited October 29, 2014 by Petu
added note

[Pitykitty]

Ok im gonna mess up my intro. I did leave a longwinded post in anhedonia/demotivation. I can be eloquent but terrible with directions. I'll be back. Sorry.

[Petunia]

Hi Pitykitty,

Welcome to SA.  I read your post on the anhedonia/demotivation thread.  You could just copy that here into your intro thread if you wanted to, or I could move it here because it is mainly about your own story and situation.

 

Once we know more about you and your circumstances, I'm sure we will be able to help.

 

This site can be difficult to navigate at first and drug side effects and withdrawal can make things even worse, so no need to be sorry.

 

Petu.

[Pitykitty]

Thanx Petu, yes could u please attach that for me? Im on mobile internet & u r sooo right about what WD does to learning + skills. It took me 2 years to figure the basics of this phone. Oy vey! I've had Add + detach issues all my life, but they've got NOTHING on what post ADs have done to me. I tell you, if it weren't happening to me I'd be fascinated by the science of it. But I digress....I appreciate ur help. Have a good day :-)

[Pitykitty]

I havent been able to read a book in the last 5 years and I used to enjoy that. Anyone else? The few friends I have left think im a buzzkill or that im "not making an effort". Bite me!! I can manage an article here or there but at least I have memory of great stories/authors i've read in the past. Everyone has titles that have made an impression on them whether theyre duds or classics. When I was little it was Black Beauty. Simple, yet meaningful and teaches one about cruelty + kindness. Plus it was a happy ending...something lacking these days. Then in my teens a book which I now recognize as totally prophetic - Flowers for Algernon. They made a movie in the 60's (didnt see) titled Charly, but the story was gripping. A young man with mental problems who is given experimental meds/becomes smart + happy/then starts to regress. I think about it often lately. The most recent I could partake was Anam Cara-A Book of Celtic Wisdom. Life, love, & wisdom.. light + good. Sorry I dont recall the authors but im sure its an easy lookup. Finally - the book I WANT to read when im able. How Have You Loved? A spiritual book by a local medium Karen Hluchan. Im told its a book of awareness + inspiration, which sounds good to me. So, to hell with that 50 Shades of crap! and if any of u can still get into reading or have read any of these, give a shout.

[bubble]

Hello Pitty and welcome,

 

we have one thread per person policy here. That's why I merged the above thread with your original thread. As Petu said, it took all of us some time to figure out how to use the forum. There are various sections here. This on is for introducing our situation and subsequent updates on tapering and other developments. But it is your thread and you can use it in any way you want. Many of us journal our progress.

 

I hope this is not too confusing  

 

When you find the time it would be helpful to put a brief summary of your drug history as described here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Bubble

[Pitykitty]

Thank u Bubble. I think im starting to absorb some of this. I know it'll work in eventually. You're all very helpful! Dare I say...I'm starting to enjoy this website. Hmmmm, sounds like progress. Take care

[Petunia]

Thanx Petu, yes could u please attach that for me?

 

Done, it now appears as the first post on this thread.

 

After years of prozac + paxil + AP's my current drs (m.d. + therapy) still want me on meds + discussing my cognitive behavior. The only thing I havent told them is I weaned off the zoloft a couple months ago + doing same with the adderall.

 

This is what we need details of in order to be able to offer help and suggestions.  The more details you can provide, the better...

 

all medications, dates, dosages and how you stopped taking them.  As Bubble suggested, putting these details into your signature makes it easier for members to understand your situation when reading your posts.  Please read the link she provided for instructions for how to do it.  I think you need to be on a computer or tablet to add your signature.

 

Please see the Important Topics in Tapering for more information including details about how to taper your particular drug.

 

And here's another important read which explains our basic method of tapering:  Why Taper By 10% of My Dosage?

 

 

I havent been able to read a book in the last 5 years and I used to enjoy that. Anyone else?

 

I'm the same, I also used to be an avid book reader, especially fiction, but now I can't seem to focus for more than a few minutes.  But something I did manage to read most of recently was Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker I highly recommend it.  Other resources you may find helpful are Your Drug may be you Problem by Dr. Peter Breggin and Council for Evidence Based Psychiatry

 

I'm glad you are enjoying the site.  Once you get back to us with more details about your drug history and situation, we will be in a better position to offer support and suggestions.  You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

[Pitykitty]

I thank u and I read the tips & i've concluded im unable to do my signature b/c im on cell phone. I cant afford my computer or buy a tablet, unfortunately. I go to library a couple times a year to go online but there is no privacy...kinda creepy. But im not discouraged. I'll keep up until theres a solution. Meanwhile i'll jot a short, comprehensive list so I can add on asap. Well, off to bed. I see my therapist tomorrow and frankly...after realizing all of this is not ME - I dont really want to bother. Have a good nite.

[Pitykitty]

Cool Petu, I will save those titles for when I get back to myself. Yes, I did make it to therapy. My perspective is so changed I found myself thinking i'd have better results speaking with a drunk at a pub. Only i'd have to pay for drinks ;-) Just being snarky.

[Rhiannon]

Hi PK--

 

If you get a chance I highly recommend getting hold of a copy of Anatomy of an Epidemic. I think you will find it very validating even if you can only manage to read a little at a time. (I can really relate to that, I lost my ability to read for enjoyment for a long time and still don't have it back completely, but it's better now.)

 

When you get the chance to, please fill us in on more details of your med history. We might be able to offer some suggestions both to help you feel better and more stable now, and to help you lower your drug burden and reduce the drug effects into the future. You would be amazed at how much of yourself you can get back. But it's a very very slow process. 

[Pitykitty]

Hi Rhi & thank u so much. I will definately grab that book when I hit the library. Validation is so important. Just being on this site has helped tremendously. I do apologize for bouncing around, but I like to read everyone's stories as much as possible. I've commented on some...and rather lengthily. But its therapeutic, right? I do promise to give my history when I get access to a computer. Lots of my experiences i've included in various topics. Its great to have others to relate to - finally! I'll be back here with new developments or revelations of past experience. Thanx again.

[Pitykitty]

I forgot to say im on mobile web + dont have option of adding history to my signature. I wonder if its possible to list it here & have it moved? Prob not, cuz its a tech thing. What i'll do is make a quick history tonite to add on my thread here so there's reference. There's a lo-tech solution to everything, yes?

[Petunia]

* quote below is copied from 'anhedonia' topic

 

I've been there too..per both posts. Im there right now. The apathy + demotivation are so torturous. I had a great 2 month wave of "normal" this fall. Tho I enjoyed it I just get so down when I go back to A-head. (my nickname for anhedonia, et al). Remarkably, after my fantastic window I went back to the flatness + lack of enjoyment BUT!! my 4 1/2 year bout of agoraphobia is gone. It took me a week to notice but i'm blown away by this. I told my pdoc but he thinks its b/c of his skill + meds. Really?? Once again, he's not aware that I tapered. I'm completely off all psych meds now. Im so pleased about this development + its my 3rd month agora-free. He cant explain it nor can I...its just hard to enjoy when the demotivation gives u no reason to go out or do anything. Dont get me wrong cuz im as thrilled as my A-head will allow me. Like a surfer I'll just await my next good wave. Another positive point is that it was the 1st holiday season in 5 years that I didnt fear or dread. So even tho I didnt "enjoy" it, I was happy that I could finally participate. I hope everyone here had a positive experience during the holiday and in future. Thank you all for listening.

 

Hi PityKitty,

I noticed this update you wrote on the Anhedonia thread, so I copied it here.  Your own introduction thread is the best place for updates, it keeps all your information and progress together in one place.

 

This is good news that you are having windows and your agoraphobia is gone

 

If you could add your drug history to your thread, like you mentioned in your previous post, that would be great.

 

Petu.

[dalsaan]

Hi PityKitty

 

Just wondering how you are going

 

Dalsaan