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For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

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mammaP   
mammaP

Are you feeling desperate or suicidal? 

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Please tell us how you are feeling, but  please understand how it is for us when someone says they are going to end their life and not come back. We do not want to lose you, we want you to get better. 

 

 

- This is an excellent page written by Martha Ainsworth, please take a few minutes to read it, I couldn't find the words that she has used beautifully, and I feel those words are meant for all of us here.  I couldn't copy and paste because of copyright but have permission to link to the piece.

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

 

- A list of helplines throughout the world

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html  

 

- The Crisis Text Line (US only) http://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/ Text START to 741-741

 

- In the UK, Maytree is an organisation offering respite for people who are suicidal. It is not a hospital or medical facility so they would not be offering drugs. It is free of charge.  There are criteria to meet but I don't know what they are at present. 

http://www.maytree.org.uk/index.php

 

- A piece from the blog Beyond Meds 

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/09/10/suicide-prevention/

 

 

Please share experiences here and how you overcame this awful compulsion. It may give hope to others who are now going through the same nightmare. 

 

If anyone knows of help and support in their country, please add the details to this thread. 

Edited by Altostrata
added crisis text line

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mammaP   
mammaP

UK Samaritans 08457 90 90 90  Republic of Ireland 116 123

 

Please add the number for your country in this thread. 

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cymbaltawithdrawal5600   
cymbaltawithdrawal5600

In the USA:

 

"No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7."

 

Link

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ikam   
ikam

UK Samaritans 08457 90 90 90  Republic of Ireland 116 123[/size]

 

Please add the number for your country in this thread. 

You can also email Samaritans: jo@samaritans.org

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Marta   
Marta

Italy

Telefono Azzurro (for kids)

19696

 

Telefono Amico

199 284 284

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Like Oskcajga (gosh I have the hardest time spelling your handle!), I have walked with suicide most of my days.

 

It's like the black dog, my little follower, hounding my footsteps.  It's not emotional, so much as overwhelm.  Too much.

 

The grace in this, is that it is yet another drain on my energy that I cannot sustain.  I don't have the energy to DO anything, is my saving grace.  I don't even have the energy to PLAN a thing.  At my worst, 2 years ago now, I had a plan, and that plan has stayed with me.

 

But the familiarity of that Black Friend, the constant companionship, the option, the door always open if I want it - has actually, over time, made it very easy to resist.  Maybe I am vain when I believe I will always resist - but I have more going for me than not.

 

If it is so hard to DO things, and get things done, while I am alive, it will be impossible if I am dead.  I may never get to the top of Mt. Everest, or see an iceburg, or go to Galapagos or China - but my chances go to nil if I die.

 

This is especially poignant to me as I just learned that my first "real" boyfriend - same age as me - died last week.  He won't be going anywhere now, either.

 

And as my father always said:  Growing old is the pits, but it's preferable to the alternative.

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

I just followed a link from one of the links above, which may be helpful to Oskcajga and others who struggle from the deep emotional numbing / anhedonia in withdrawal.  It focuses on the links between PTSD and suicide - not only the Trauma that drives you to suicide, but the trauma of the suicidality, as well:

 

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ptsd.htm

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

Please note, folks -- Thinking of suicide is not unusual and, by itself, is not a mental disorder, nor is it "suicidality." Many people think of suicide as one of their options when confronting a difficult life problem.

 

Please do not add to your distress by considering yourself mentally damaged because you consider suicide, and therefore make yourself more desperate.
 
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.
—Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

 

Not everyone is happy all the time. Some people have gloomy dispositions. Having negative thoughts might be something you need to accept in yourself. With self-acceptance will come a greater peace.

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LoveandLight   
LoveandLight

I wish this symptom would give me a break.

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

What is the relationship of your thoughts of suicide to your fears about recovery?

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LoveandLight   
LoveandLight

Hhmm..

 

The symptoms being so intense in a wave - that triggers suicidal thoughts. Also suicidal thoughts just there, anyway..no show without punch! But yes when I think to the future and how long it might carry on that really brings it on. There is something about this condition that makes it exceptionally hard to just be in the present.

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gemini   
gemini

Alto, I really like your post on self-acceptance, as I'm practicing radical self-acceptance right now I have lost everything, including my home, in recovery from meds and living with my sister now in another state (ga) and dealing with my negative state of mind in the midst of physical pain and mental anguish. Suicide crosses my mind but it's a fleeting notion. However complete acceptance of my situation, if even on a moment by moment basis, is what is mostly inhabiting my thought life.

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gemini   
gemini

I have accepted the bleakness of the present and the future. Bleakness as a fait accomoplis is what's getting me through. At least I have a comfy bed and a flat screen TV.

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

Acceptance and being in the moment are important lessons to learn in order to deal with this condition, as recovery is so gradual and can take so long.

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

I'm sorry you are going through this, Off. Please call the suicide hotline in your area for the immediate type of attention you need, we cannot provide it here.

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Prestorb   
Prestorb

In some ways I feel my struggle would "easier" if I didn't have other people that I am bringing down so much

I am reposting a response by Ten0275 that I felt was particularly well said, especially when we are feeling as if our loved ones might be better off without us around (which is never, ever, ever true but one of the many lies that we have a tendency to believe in the acute withdrawal state).

-------------------------------

 

i felt precisely that innumerable times. i don't know the ins-and-outs of your situation and really needn't because in general, family dynamics are tricky, or at least multi-tiered. they are pulse-driven tapestries that take days, months, and years on the loom to thread. from my experience, when it comes to withdrawal - or let me clarify that when it came to MY withdrawal - relationships - familial and otherwise - were distilled to... expectations. one sword, two blades; expectations others had of me and perhaps more importantly, expectations i had for myself.

 

who would it be easier on if we didn't have other people that we were bringing down so much? would it be easier on them? would it be easier on us? perhaps both? perhaps neither? the problem is, we can never know the answer to this unless we remove ourselves from our relationships and in my opinion - unless one were in a toxic or otherwise harmful relationship - that would not be a decision one would want to make under the assault of withdrawal. our decision-making capacities may not be particularly agile in withdrawal.

 

in my view, i failed colossally in most of my relationships during acute withdrawal. there is absolutely nothing i can do about that now. and in retrospect, i truly believe i did the best i could under the circumstances at that time. my every single day during acute withdrawal was a real-time nightmare. fairly early on in the scope of it, i had to give up the expectations - i had to remove them from my field of vision as thoroughly as possible. and i had to operate to the best of my ability and be happy with it. tough terrain for someone who has been a lifelong card-carrying member of People Pleasers Anonymous. the unloading of expectations was not some narcissistic or selfish pursuit - it was necessary to my survival. not to give up motivation. not to give up pushing towards the goal of healing. but to give up trying to achieve levels of expectation i had, to that point, sought to achieve.

 

what i am suggesting is to take your relationship situations, as they are personal to you, and measure them against the circumstances that now befall you as a result of psychiatric drug withdrawal. under your withdrawal circumstances, are you doing your best for those you love and care for and for those who love and care for you? notice i am not asking if you are doing as well as you did for them pre-withdrawal. but under the weight of withdrawal, are you doing your best? if your answer to that is yes, or even almost yes, then you need to accept that - despite any abhorrent feelings of inadequacy and frustration that may abound.

 

at the end of the day, i had to accept that withdrawal meant loss. and the level of loss varies for all of us. for some of us, it might be the loss of a job, spouse, friend etc. for others it might be the loss of a few days of sick leave and a level of fitness. still others might have to give up their morning espresso and dietary freedom - it runs the gamut. but i don't think i have encountered a single person in withdrawal who hasn't lost something, or someone - even if that means themselves. it seems to come with the territory. to accept loss, or the prospect of loss, is not capitulation to loss. it seems to me that it is simply familiarizing oneself with certain inevitabilities.

 

there is so much in withdrawal we don't have control over starcontrol2 (though maybe you have the stars in line for us  :) ?). the number of times some symptom in my mind or body forced me to say "i have absolutely no control over what is happening here" is bewildering in retrospect. i have never felt so out of control as i did during withdrawal. but what i always felt i had control over was doing my very best under the circumstances - even if the end-sum of that "very best" was complete and utter failure, of which i accrued plenty.

 

i hope this makes some sense and is useful somehow. withdrawal is not permanent, particularly as it pertains to levels of intensity. try as best as you can from making permanent decisions during this impermanent time. be gentle with yourself while resolving to push through with whatever fortitude you can muster.

 

success and failure are not always best measured by the final outcome, but rather by the effort expended and the motivation behind it in practice. know your own power and that in these days, a little can go a long way. for you, and for those you love.

 

hang in there,

 

dave

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

Added The Crisis Text Line (US only) http://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/ Text START to 741-741

 

to post #1.

 

To keep this thread easy to read for those in crisis, please post discussions in the Relationships, Finding Meaning, or other forums or in your Introductions topic. Thank you.

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NoMeaning25   
NoMeaning25

Sadag

 

South African Depression & Anxiety Group

 

0800 567 567

 

www.sadag.org

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oskcajga   
oskcajga

Can these hotline agents call the authorities and get people involuntarily committed to a psych ward (and forced to take medications)?

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wildwood   
wildwood

For Germany:

 

TelefonSeelsorge: 0800/1110111 or 0800/1110222

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

If you do not feel a person to whom you've turned for help in your real life truly understands what you're asking for, find someone else to talk to.

 

Please stay on topic, contributing suicide help resources, in this thread.

 

Off-topic posts will be hidden by the moderators.

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KarenB   
KarenB

NEW ZEALAND:

 

Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906 (Palmerston North and Levin)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (available 24/7)

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SkyBlue   
SkyBlue

There are mobile apps as well.

 

SafetyNet is an iPhone app. I'm not finding the link for it now, but google SafetyNet, created by the New York State office of mental health.

 

It helps you formulate a safety plan, including warning signs, internal coping strategies, social supports, allows you to import emergency contacts; crisis lines numbers. Things that you may forget about or have trouble thinking about in crisis.

 

I like that the app's icon is simply an unobtrusive green cross, no text, so it's very discreet on your phone's home screen.

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jevang   
jevang

are there any talk line numbers for people who are NOT suicidal or in crisis but just in emotional distress?

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SkyBlue   
SkyBlue

Jevang, Samaritans offer a chat/talk service. Google them and you will find their info. 

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Just found this list from Wendy Lader's S.A.F.E. protocol website (Self Abuse Finally Ends):

 

If you are experiencing an emergency and need a crisis line:

24 Hour National Crisis Lines

800-USA-KIDS (872-5437)  Thursdays Child for Teens

800-273-TALK (8255) www.nmha.org

800-SUICIDE (784-2433) National Hopeline Network

800-334-HELP (4357)

800-448-3000  Teens, parents and anyone. (www.boystown.org)

800-799-SAFE (7233) Domestic Violence Hotline

866-4-U-Trevor - for GLBTQ youth (www.thetrevorproject.org)

800-656-HOPE (4679)  RAINN - Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

800-799-4889 Deaf Hotline

 

From <http://www.selfinjury.com/referrals/therapists/

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Dez   
Dez

My uncle calls the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and just talks to them. They listen to him for hours if he needs to just talk. I think that these people want others to call no matter the crisis, just that the person calling is in need of someone to listen. After all, emotional distress to some people is a terrible crisis.

 

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts only recently due to problems with medications and the withdrawals afterward. It's very terrifying. I've made a promise to people that I would never do anything to get myself off this planet. I hate breaking promises and that keeps me going most times. Other times, I try to imagine those closest to me, their lives without me, and realize that they'd be emotionally crippled if I left. Your family loves you, your friends love you, the people on here love you, strangers love you, I love you. Someone somewhere loves you. Their world would be darker without you as their beam of light, even if it's just a single beam.

 

Think about those out there you have yet to meet, someone who needs you, whether it's simple advice or a lifelong friendship. We may be a drop in the sea, but we all make ripples, and those can turn into waves.

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SkyBlue   
SkyBlue

Dez, that is beautiful. Your words will very certainly impact people who are in the midst of medication/withdrawal-induced suicidal thoughts. <3

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Tomash   
Tomash

Hello, if I am in a crisis, and have suicidal thoughts, its when a "psychosis" is running and I am loosing touch with the reality. It happend when I first tapered off, and it happend again due to some experiments with kundalini yoga. I hope it want happen again, but if it happens, i am very vulnerable. I forget my angryness and I am more humble. I am afraid that when I turn to a crisis telephone link they will tell me "start to take meds again" and will not understand anything. Is there any other option? Ideas?

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KarenB   
KarenB

Can you start the conversation by stating clearly that you just want somebody to listen to you, and that you need them to steer clear of suggesting drugs.  You could also say that you are working with your doctor, and reinstating drugs is not an option at this time. 

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Sk8N883   
Sk8N883

Thanks for this. When I'm in the worst of my withdrawals I feel extremely depressed and suicidal, though I've been down that road once before and promised myself and my family I would never reach that point again. No matter how much I'm suffering, things can get better. I just have to keep telling myself that.

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Looking4peace   
Looking4peace

@Dez your words were very moving and helpful. Thoughts of my family and friends are what keeps me going.

Does SA have any phone contacts? The people here get it and understand the battle. Unfortunately lots of people still advise to get back on medication. It would be nice to be able to call someone who is also battling or has successfully beaten withdrawal

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