success ☼ scottly9999: Lexapro nightmare

[scottly9999]

Hi ikam

yep sleep is good medicine.

normally need about 7,5 to 8 hours.

but currently need a bit more.

[scottly9999]

Had more very low, depressed mood over weekend.

To give an example of how low, went to soccer game with step-son and his friends.

Even though our team won the game 3-1, and won the premiership, I was BARELY moved, and was mostly "meh"...

I went through the motions, and got a LITTLE excited, but mostly felt very very flat.

Had a crappy sleep - wide awake from 4am - 6am.

 

Seem a fair bit better today so far though... hope it's a window!

[scottly9999]

Ive tried installing an app that does binaural beats. Some of them are supposed to be good for depression. After trying them a few times, id say that it seems to lift my mood. Helps to quieten the mind, and give me a slight feeling of inner peace.

worth checking out.

[scottly9999]

Mood slowly stabilizing a bit - get waves of low mood - but having slightly longer spells of feeling ok.

hard to say what is withdrawal, and what is other factors in life too.

had a few waves of strong emotino with that "crush" I managed to develop over last 6 weeks.

[scottly9999]

Had a nice window last night - and into today - mood seems to be stabilizing.

Not many aches and pains, or tingling in limbs.

Hopefully I'm stabilizing on 7mg.  Next drop will be like 6.3mg (as closely as I can manage with the concentrated liquid).

 

How is everybody ELSE doing out there??

[scottly9999]

Seem to be going ok.

Have had some nice windows last few days.

A feeling of more "connected to my body and surroundings" more, more like I'm really here - as opposed to everything looking like cardboard cutouts.

It's good, and feels familiar.

Slightly more interest in things bubbling away.

Got a bit fired up at work about a couple of annoying things, and it was nice to feel that too.

[LexAnger]

Good for you! Great sign for better.

Continue healing!

[scottly9999]

Still seem to be doing really well currently.

started taking a disolvable magnesium tablet daily.

its probably the stabilizing on 7mg though.

[Fresh]

That's really good to hear scottly.   Are you still listening to "binaural beats"?

 

I'd never heard of this , but found a free site at www.mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/pureBinauralBrainwaveGenerator.php

 

Perhaps you could start a thread in Symptoms and Self care?

[scottly9999]

HI Fresh - I haven't listened to any for a bit, but they're just a little thing that can help you become more mindful and centered.

Maybe I should do a symptoms and self care topic.

 

There are a ton of free apps on both the Google and Apple stores.

As thats the best way to listen, with headphones in a quiet place for 10 mins.

 

I found that when I was very very deeply depressed - not my inner thoughts so much as just my brain being that way - I found it helped to short circuit the mood a bit.

The science is still out on if they even help, but I found on the few days I gave it a go, it seemed to help a bit.

Moods still moving around a fair bit.

It's tricky to know how much is the tablets, the withdrawal, and just "life" as well??

[scottly9999]

still seem to be ok, although getting mini waves of physical sensations - again - is it being tired?

Or somethnig else?

Don't feel ready for another drop in dose quite yet, and next it'll be 6.3mg down from 7mg... as closely as I can manage it with the silly liquid.

LexAnger - how are you travelling?

[LexAnger]

Hi Scott,

 

Glad you are doing ok lately! It is so needed to re-energize and have hope to continue!

Thank for asking, my trip went extremely well, a nice surprise to me. I held longer for the cut to be prepared for the trip and scheduled for the best days to go. I felt almost normal for 6 out of the 7 days duriing the trip, bipoth physically and mentally. It was amazing! Well, back to home, the old symptoms started soon most probably due to the taper schedule not much to do with the trip. I just did another cut as I feel every time I cut, first couple days kind of ok, then followed by 1 -2 weeks bad, then 1 week good, then bad again. The symptoms are different for the bad period right after the cut from that following the good days that's when I feel the need of another cut.

 

So overall, I feel I'm better than the past months with better days in between and lessoned physical pains, although the brain nonfunctional seems last longer as a new symptoms during the bad days which is disabling.

 

How long do you hold for each cut of 0.7 mg? And when and why do you feel ready for another cut?

 

Lex

[scottly9999]

Hi lex.

nice uodate, good to hear positivity.

unfortunately ive been back in depressionville again...

annoyingly, I was never, ever like this pre meds!!!

I like a good whinge and moan about stuff, but generally I bounce rignt back...

not so much now.

this is by far ghe worst part of withdrawal.

even with my beautiful wife telling me how wonderful I am to her, and I know she means it, I cant feel it. I miss that emotional warm blanket.

I just have to have some blind faith it will get betted.

ive drifted away slowly from most of my normal interests... hoping they will come back.

 

 

Physically, like you, not so much aches and pains now.

 

Im putting on abrave face for the family.

definitly lost control of my emotions for sure.

if I was feeling flat, pre meds, id bounce right back in no time.

I cant seem to talk myself out of this funk tho.

 

Bloody things!

[scottly9999]

Hi Lex

I have a similar experience - that I'm starting to see in myself in terms of what happens in withdrawal.

First few days not much, then a bit of a surge of quite strong - mostly positive emotions - although - last drop coincided with that stupid crush.... still lingering around.

then physical symptoms on and off, then HUGE waves of depression.

This is the longest I've been into a taper - so it's all new territory for me.

the depression (which feels different to any other low points I've had previously) not sure if it's related the actual dose I'm on, or the speed I've been tapering, or the "poop out" effect, or the amount of time INTO a taper that brings it on.

So thats why I found this particularly troublesome.

 

Interesting you said that your old symptoms returned when you got home - you hadn't done another taper?

 

I also wonder if I've held for TOO long?  As I've started to return to the numbed out horrible feeling... slightly depressed, but it comes and goes.

Going through some emotions - like laughing at a tv show, but feels very much disconnected, not forced, just not "feeling" it.

[Fresh]

Scottly , you'll start to notice that there is similar pattern after each decrease.  I suspect that the crush was not coincidental at all

and came during the phase you felt more energised/in touch with emotions.  Your pattern is the same as many on this site.

 

You've been doing big drops , the 10% decrease that is recommended is of your current dose.

You're going to need to work out a precise way of measuring now that the liquid you're using is double strength.

Lex had the right idea when suggesting you dilute it by 100%.

Also , you may find that 5% drops are easier to accomodate.

 

Try reading adiip's last few posts - he describes a similar pattern to yours , but stabilizing in a better place when the cycle finishes.

I'm hoping you get this too , it seems this is the way we heal.

[Petunia]

Hi Scotty,

As Fresh mentioned, you need to be cutting 10% from your current dose, not the original dose, its important to taper slowly as the dose gets lower, this will explain why: http://survivinganti...concentration/ 

 

Also, please don't be concerned that you are holding too long, the only consequences of holding longer is a longer taper, which is a good thing because you are more likely to avoid worse withdrawal symptoms.

 

Here is a topic which may help you understand when its time to make another cut:

 

What does stabilizing mean?

[scottly9999]

Hi fresh and petunia.

thanks for the info.

ill look it up.

My drop from 10 to 9, then 9 to 8 was ok. I had issues but was able to cope with them easier.

I only decreased when I felt ok to drop.

just wondering if the huge depression waves are from getting to 7mg or catching up from drops that were too quick?

although those 2 drops werent 10% I didnt think it was too far off.

 

The reason I asked about holding too long is I can feel the lexapro having that numbing effect effect again.

 

I might just have to dilute the liquid, as 20mg per 1ml is too hard to measure.

[scottly9999]

Hi Guys again

Feeling more stable again today.

My feeling of being stable and decreasing the amount of Lexapro, is a feeling of feeling more "fleshed out" in my own body and mind.

Is that something you can relate to?

A feeling of being more "in the here and now".

On Lexapro, you have that semi-detached feeling of drifting through everything.

 

I always roll my eyes when I see an old bit of material that describes serotonin as a "feel good" chemical.

Ummm - no it's not.

 

Fingers crossed I can maintain this feeling and start to plan another drop.

I MAY have to dilute my liquid solution as I'd have to measure 0.03 of a ml.  I'm currently using 0.1ml as the 2mg on top of 5mg (half a 10mg tablet).

I'm doing it that way to only use as much liquid as necessary.

 

I show some of my mates how stupidly small the drops are - and try to feebly explain the immense power and grip it has on your nervous system.

They usually shake their head in disbelief - not at what I'm saying, but the situation!

 

I look forwrad to a day when we look back from a vantage point of what the HELL was everybody thinking giving out SSRI's to everybody?????

Almost like another Thalidimide type scenario... but obviously not as drastic.

[LexAnger]

Happy for you for the very needed break!

[scottly9999]

I'm still enjoying a relative calm period of being "stable".

it's like a warm blanket and a weight off my shoulders.

Although still got a long way to go yet, taking it day by day.

now that I'm stabilizing at this dose, def noticed that I still feel slightly more connected to myself and emotions and surroundings - which was the biggest reason for getting off them!

I felt I was getting older and jaded about everything - which isn't like me at all.

I've noticed my vision is changing rapidly with the changing doses.

I wear glasses and not long ago got a new prescription, but now they aren't working as well.

Anybody else noticed that?

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling better Scottly, things seem to change all the time with withdrawal, with strange new symptoms appearing. I really don't know if your sight is because of withdrawal but could be. I just noticed that I can't see tiny beads enough to work with them and was fine before so don't know if it is to do with withdrawal. I'm not paying out for new glasses yet, will give it some time to see if it improves as it's only close work with tiny beads that is a problem. 

[scottly9999]

Hi MammaP.

Yes, things constantly shift and evolve in withdrawal.

It really does feel like all sorts of our brains slowly waking up.  Sometimes it's more of a lurch forward, and backwards again.

Again - sometimes is it withdrawal or just life?

Hard to understand let alone attempt to put into words.

Still feeling stronger feelings of being more grounded and connected to my surroundings, as opposed to being in an awakened daze.

[scottly9999]

After a few weeks of being fairly stable, I've decided to cut 10% today

So now on 6.3mg

Needing to measure .13 ml

I'll keep posting my updates.

Wish me luck!!

[bluebalu86]

Best of luck scottly

[ikam]

Is the 10% your usual decrease?

I tried to do %5 at some point that re-instated...

 

GOOD LUCK

[scottly9999]

Hi, yep 10% is my normal decrease.

I was going down 1mg at a time. This is back to 10%.

3 days and ok so far.

had a huge pressure headache all day yesterday. Seemed to be around my jaw and sinuses. Good sleep last night and its gone today.

[LexAnger]

Good luck!

Jaw pain and sinus inflammation has been my initial WD symptoms the first time trial with taper.

[ikam]

Sounds GOOD

Happy for you...

[scottly9999]

LexAnger - that is really strange - sinus inflammation - it was definitely an issue on Saturday for me and the jaw pain / pressure at the joint.

huuuge headache Saturday.

But NO pins and needles so far and emotionally quite good... very stable, quite focused.

4 days and so far so good.

[LexAnger]

Jaw pain was the only issue for my initial tapering effort down to 2.7 mg and the single symptom stopped me from further reduction as it was too unbearable. Entire face, head, jaw swelling and pain have been with me 24/7 since dose up and down last year.i read lots others using lexapro have similar symptoms. Tried everything, no touch except for my chiropractor. The pain tends to be less in evenings. Needling also lessoned for me since down to 3.6 this round which is a blessing.

 

It's good you have some windows a sign of healing!

[scottly9999]

Hi Lex

It's a very unusual symptom, jaw pain, around the joint.  Mine comes and goes.

Also such a small reduction in dose, and even the physical amount of it that I'm reducing that can bring on a different set of symptoms!?

So strange.

And impossible to describe to somebody else - without being branded a hypocondriac.

5 days in - and so far only symptoms are tired and intermittent jaw pain.  Emotions seem stable.

Have a bad headache again today - I get them regularly anyway.

 

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to the entire community here, you guys are awesome - really helps being heard and acknowledged.

Thank you to everybody who has replied.

[LexAnger]

I suggest you try smaller cut from now on like 5% see if it helps.

I'm doing 0.025 mg cut ( less than 1 pct) still get huge reaction. A true monster!

[scottly9999]

Hi lex

this was a 10% drop. So far, qquitd good.

can feel the drug releasing its grip still.

[LexAnger]

Good the 10% still works. Guess you can continue this rate until you feel a need of slow down.

Good luck and wish you smooth tapering all the way down till out of the woods.

[scottly9999]

I'd imagine the lower I get i dose, the more I'll have to slow down, but so far, this drop to 6.3mg has been fine.

Feeling less "drugged",and more like me.

Getting my interests back - at times, not sure what to do next, can't decide!

Emotionally have felt good, not ecstatic or elated, just "good".

Had a day of tingling, took Ibuprofen, and it went away, jaw pain has subsided.

But I'll hold for 3-4 weeks minimum as the symptoms can take a while.

My last drop was hellish, took 1 months of emotional rollercoaster riding, THEN the physical stuff hit.

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling ok Scottly, when you are not sure what to do.....do nothing! A hold will be good after a few months tapering to let your brain catch up.