Cheeky: on Paxil for 23 years needing advice

[Cheeky]

Hey everyone,

im just having a sh*tty day today and feel disheartened with everything. It seems everybody has a pattern with there symptoms and tapering and I feel all over the place. It’s been 5 weeks since I dropped 1 mg and had a good two weeks after the drop, now for the last 2 weeks Ive been having a sh*tty time. I really pray I get out of this and stabilise soon.

sorry just need to vent as I feel so lonely in all of this.

[ChessieCat]

Does it have a regular pattern over a month?  May be related to hormonal changes.

[Cheeky]

Just now, ChessieCat said:

Does it have a regular pattern over a month?  May be related to hormonal changes.

no it dosn't seem to have a pattern, but I have noticed I tend to feel the withdrawal not straight away but after a couple of weeks.

[Cheeky]

Yes I do get like that 1 week before my periods and also when I’m ovulating which happens to be now. I’m 41 so I’m not premenopausal 

 

 

[Songbird]

5 hours ago, Cheeky said:

had a good two weeks after the drop, now for the last 2 weeks Ive been having a sh*tty time.

 

Actually that's pretty normal (as far as w/d can be "normal").  This often happens to me - I feel really good for a while after a drop, then later on the bad stuff hits.  Your pattern might just be that it takes a bit longer to stabilise - maybe 6 to 8 weeks - this is not uncommon.

 

It makes sense when you think about what's happening in your body after a drop.  It can actually take about 5 days for the dose drop to affect the concentration of the drug in your bloodstream, so around 5 days is often when people begin to feel something change.  For some people this can be unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, but sometimes it can be feeling better for a while.  My theory is that this could be because of increased dopamine (because sometimes I feel hypomanic during this time which can feel really good), but whatever the reason, the drop has altered something in the balance of neurotransmitter and receptors.  Then as a result, other changes in neurochemistry are made, and unpleasant w/d symptoms flare up.  After a few more weeks, further rebalancing work has been done, and symptoms may ease off.

 

I'm not sure if I've explained that very well!.  I know it's not the same for everyone, but what you are describing does not sound unusual to me.  While it's good to have a general tapering plan, it's wise to be flexible and adjust the plan according to how your system is responding.  It's sensible to hold on a dose until you stabilise.

 

I hope this helps a little.  Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely.  You are definitely not alone, but I know words on a screen aren't quite the same as someone being there.

[Cheeky]

15 hours ago, Songbird said:

 

Actually that's pretty normal (as far as w/d can be "normal").  This often happens to me - I feel really good for a while after a drop, then later on the bad stuff hits.  Your pattern might just be that it takes a bit longer to stabilise - maybe 6 to 8 weeks - this is not uncommon.

 

It makes sense when you think about what's happening in your body after a drop.  It can actually take about 5 days for the dose drop to affect the concentration of the drug in your bloodstream, so around 5 days is often when people begin to feel something change.  For some people this can be unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, but sometimes it can be feeling better for a while.  My theory is that this could be because of increased dopamine (because sometimes I feel hypomanic during this time which can feel really good), but whatever the reason, the drop has altered something in the balance of neurotransmitter and receptors.  Then as a result, other changes in neurochemistry are made, and unpleasant w/d symptoms flare up.  After a few more weeks, further rebalancing work has been done, and symptoms may ease off.

 

I'm not sure if I've explained that very well!.  I know it's not the same for everyone, but what you are describing does not sound unusual to me.  While it's good to have a general tapering plan, it's wise to be flexible and adjust the plan according to how your system is responding.  It's sensible to hold on a dose until you stabilise.

 

I hope this helps a little.  Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely.  You are definitely not alone, but I know words on a screen aren't quite the same as someone being there.

Yes it helps me a lot, looking back at my diary there  does seem to have a oattern

happening, it generally it in week 3 I start to feel the effects. I’m going home today and going to look further into it. 

Today is better then yesterday so let’s see. 

As always Thankyou songbird xx

[Cheeky]

It’s been 3 week of feeling awful,waking  up with aniexty , crying spells, anxious and other strange things, some days are better then others and some hours are better in the day,Is this normal ?
I just want my stability 😒

[Kristine]

9 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

It’s been 3 week of feeling awful,waking  up with aniexty , crying spells, anxious and other strange things, some days are better then others and some hours are better in the day,Is this normal ?
I just want my stability 😒

Hi Cheeky, From my experience what you describe is very normal.  Horrible and frightening, but normal when it comes to withdrawing from these medications.  I'm sorry you are suffering.  I also have been through Seroquel w/d multiple times over the past 11 years.  However, I practically CT...you are going slow.  You are going to be okay. Love K xo

[Hazel]

Hi Cheeky,

just wanted to stop in and let you know you are not alone.  I know how awful the anxiety feels.  It’s very scary and can make you doubt everything.  It sounds like what you are experiencing is quite normal.  It will pass, it’s just a matter of time.  Maybe once you stabilize it would be nice to give yourself a nice long break from tapering.  That is what I plan to do.  I just want to feel better for a long period of time and not constantly worry about withdrawal symptoms.  I hope this passes for you very soon.

Hazel

[Cheeky]

Thankyou Hazel,

your comment has brought tears to my

eye”s, I wish there was wound on

me so I can tell if I”m healing or not

and that people can feel for us. It”s complete mind  torture .

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, Kristine said:

Hi Cheeky, From my experience what you describe is very normal.  Horrible and frightening, but normal when it comes to withdrawing from these medications.  I'm sorry you are suffering.  I also have been through Seroquel w/d multiple times over the past 11 years.  However, I practically CT...you are going slow.  You are going to be okay. Love K xo

Thanks Kristine,

im worried I will never 100% stabilise, when in a wave. I just wish I never toke these drugs and now it’s too late..

[Kristine]

Just now, Cheeky said:

Thanks Kristine,

im worried I will never 100% stabilise, when in a wave. I just wish I never toke these drugs and now it’s too late..

Hey Cheeky, I just realised you're a fellow Aussie!  Our thoughts can become overwhelming and negative when in the thick of a wave.  However, there are ways to disempower these thoughts and calm yourself through the anxiety spikes.  I have converted my bedroom into a sanctuary...everything I need is at hand...I have a list somewhere of things I do if your interested (let me know and I'll post the list on your thread).....don't want to bombard you with info! Oh, Cheeky I wish I had never taken the drugs also, but is is not too late for you to heal.  You are not alone  Love K xo

[Cheeky]

Hey fellow Aussie,

siuch a small world , thanks for your support, really needing it at the moment. 

I just have to ride this wave out. 

Im from Sydney inner west and don’t have a supporting doctor , do you ?

[GiantsWSC]

Hi Cheeky,

 

I just finally rid myself of Paxil about 10 days ago( will update my profile) after being on it for about 20 yrs. These waves will come and go and I felt the waves got less and less near the end as maybe the smaller doses had a "lesser" effect? As I recall the longest wave I had during the period was probably around 2 weeks (this is from a 10 mg drop) and things got better. Unfortunately, it's a cycle that one must go through to get to the end but it gets better, slowly but surely.

 

I found reading books or doing crossword puzzles helpful to take my mind of of things as well as meditation. Hope this helps.

[Kristine]

7 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

Hey fellow Aussie,

siuch a small world , thanks for your support, really needing it at the moment. 

I just have to ride this wave out. 

Im from Sydney inner west and don’t have a supporting doctor , do you ?

Hey Cheeky, I'm in Tasmania (I think I'm the only Tassie person on SA...but there are many members from Sydney ) my story is a bit complex...but to cut it very short my current psychiatrist is in the process of digesting the information I have provided to her about tapering.  She is supportive but also a little bewildered by my lengthy expressions of my frustration.  She has been on leave for the past two months, I see her again in two weeks.  But really I've been doing this on my own...with the support of SA....The wave will pass, even though it may not feel like it  Love K xo

[Cheeky]

9 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey Cheeky, I'm in Tasmania (I think I'm the only Tassie person on SA...but there are many members from Sydney ) my story is a bit complex...but to cut it very short my current psychiatrist is in the process of digesting the information I have provided to her about tapering.  She is supportive but also a little bewildered by my lengthy expressions of my frustration.  She has been on leave for the past two months, I see her again in two weeks.  But really I've been doing this on my own...with the support of SA....The wave will pass, even though it may not feel like it  Love K xo

Thanks K,

I will have a look at your thread soon , would love to support you as well 

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, GiantsWSC said:

Hi Cheeky,

 

I just finally rid myself of Paxil about 10 days ago( will update my profile) after being on it for about 20 yrs. These waves will come and go and I felt the waves got less and less near the end as maybe the smaller doses had a "lesser" effect? As I recall the longest wave I had during the period was probably around 2 weeks (this is from a 10 mg drop) and things got better. Unfortunately, it's a cycle that one must go through to get to the end but it gets better, slowly but surely.

 

I found reading books or doing crossword puzzles helpful to take my mind of of things as well as meditation. Hope this helps.

Hi GiantsWSC,

I work and have two children to look after so that keeps me busy, I'm just trying to get through the day and act normal.  I really hope this wave ends, I'm so tired of the emotional rollar coaster.

Thanks for the support and congratulations !!!!!!

[Cheeky]

5 hours ago, Hazel said:

Hi Cheeky,

just wanted to stop in and let you know you are not alone.  I know how awful the anxiety feels.  It’s very scary and can make you doubt everything.  It sounds like what you are experiencing is quite normal.  It will pass, it’s just a matter of time.  Maybe once you stabilize it would be nice to give yourself a nice long break from tapering.  That is what I plan to do.  I just want to feel better for a long period of time and not constantly worry about withdrawal symptoms.  I hope this passes for you very soon.

Hazel

Hey Hazel, thanks for your kind words.

I”m definitely not going to taper for a while

and widen I do take  smaller decreases. 

I just pray for stability . 

[Cheeky]

Hey Everyone,

"If anybody's  reading this.!

I decided to start a  journal so in  future I can remember everything on this rollar coaster  journey.

      Today I woke up with the dreaded anxiety at 7.30am and by the time I got to work I was feeling okay, as the day went on I've been feeling good except a bit spaced out and tired from all these crazy emotions. I feel like I don't want to be happy because I don't know whats around the corner waiting for me. I'm just takng every minute as it comes.

When feeling like this I tend to be addicted to my phone reading up about all of this and I'm not sure If that a good thing because the the horror stories scare me and then I become a little anxious.

I really hope tomorrow  morning I wake with no anxiety ( that would be a blessing ).

Anyway today I've felt 7/10 and no crying .........

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Cheeky said:

I decided to start a  journal

 

If you need to ask a question please post it as a separate post so that it doesn't get lost in the journal.

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

 

If you need to ask a question please post it as a separate post so that it doesn't get lost in the journal.

Sorry I don’t understand 

[ChessieCat]

You are going to be posting a journal.  That's great.  I was just pointing out that if you ever ask a question that needs attention that it is best to post it as a separate post, not somewhere in with a journal post, otherwise it might get overlooked.

[Hazel]

Glad to hear things are getting better Cheeky.  7/10 is pretty good.  I am feeling pretty good right now, but last night was awful with very little sleep.  I just keep holding on and hope things stay good for a long while and I hope the same for you as well.

Hazel

[Rosetta]

11 hours ago, Cheeky said:

Hey Everyone,

"If anybody's  reading this.!

I decided to start a  journal so in  future I can remember everything on this rollar coaster  journey.

      Today I woke up with the dreaded anxiety at 7.30am and by the time I got to work I was feeling okay, as the day went on I've been feeling good except a bit spaced out and tired from all these crazy emotions. I feel like I don't want to be happy because I don't know whats around the corner waiting for me. I'm just takng every minute as it comes.

When feeling like this I tend to be addicted to my phone reading up about all of this and I'm not sure If that a good thing because the the horror stories scare me and then I become a little anxious.

I really hope tomorrow  morning I wake with no anxiety ( that would be a blessing ).

Anyway today I've felt 7/10 and no crying .........

Exactly!  I can't read through your thread right now, but these feelings about wanting to learn as much as possible and finding scary things in threads that make one feel terrified is really terrible.  It tortured me for a long time.  

 

That is until I felt I understood the truth: No one else's journey will be the same as yours.  There is no set in stone timeline for any particular level of healing to be obtained, but the general trend is toward wellness.  It can be agonizingly slow and is barely perceptible except in hindsight.  That's why we encourage each other to not do what I've been doing -- thinking about each day and each set back and feeling hopeless.  The idea of living in the now when the now is so painful does not seem to work for me when I"m a wave, but it's good for a window IF I can avoid thinking about the inevitable next wave. 

 

You really do have to find a way to be happy when you are in a wave even though you know it will end.  Otherwise, you will be miserable for the whole journey and that's simply not necessary.  If you can find a way to accept that you will get better so slowly that you can't see it in the present moment and stop digging through threads looking for hope maybe you can avoid seeing all the bad experiences and letting your neuro emotions ruin the time you have to be somewhat content?  If you don't find you can do that you may look back and think, "I was unhappy that whole entire time when I could have had days here and there of happiness."

 

What I've been trying to do is change my idea of happiness.  Why am I only content if my house is in perfect order? I didn't used to be that way.  A few things out if place here and there make a house feel homey.  So, this is an abject disaster?  Well, that's what it is, but it's not going to change.  Every time I make any progress it's wiped out by something. (Unfortunate this is such a parallel to WD.) So, I need to find a way to ignore it and the fact that another wave is coming and still have moments of happiness. I wish it were easy.

 

Peace, Rosetta

[brassmonkey]

It's quite possible that there is a puppy around the corner this time.

[Cheeky]

15 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Exactly!  I can't read through your thread right now, but these feelings about wanting to learn as much as possible and finding scary things in threads that make one feel terrified is really terrible.  It tortured me for a long time.  

 

That is until I felt I understood the truth: No one else's journey will be the same as yours.  There is no set in stone timeline for any particular level of healing to be obtained, but the general trend is toward wellness.  It can be agonizingly slow and is barely perceptible except in hindsight.  That's why we encourage each other to not do what I've been doing -- thinking about each day and each set back and feeling hopeless.  The idea of living in the now when the now is so painful does not seem to work for me when I"m a wave, but it's good for a window IF I can avoid thinking about the inevitable next wave. 

 

You really do have to find a way to be happy when you are in a wave even though you know it will end.  Otherwise, you will be miserable for the whole journey and that's simply not necessary.  If you can find a way to accept that you will get better so slowly that you can't see it in the present moment and stop digging through threads looking for hope maybe you can avoid seeing all the bad experiences and letting your neuro emotions ruin the time you have to be somewhat content?  If you don't find you can do that you may look back and think, "I was unhappy that whole entire time when I could have had days here and there of happiness."

 

What I've been trying to do is change my idea of happiness.  Why am I only content if my house is in perfect order? I didn't used to be that way.  A few things out if place here and there make a house feel homey.  So, this is an abject disaster?  Well, that's what it is, but it's not going to change.  Every time I make any progress it's wiped out by something. (Unfortunate this is such a parallel to WD.) So, I need to find a way to ignore it and the fact that another wave is coming and still have moments of happiness. I wish it were easy.

 

Peace, Rosetta

Rosetta very well said, that's why its also important to be there for each other to remind oneself that its just a wave, it will pass and we will get through  this.                                                                 

[Cheeky]

Okay so here goes again, I have slightly improved from a week ago, but I still feel waves of anxiety during the day, that comes and then goes. I have been teary but I think that is due to all of this happening to me and how my life has changed.

I try everyday to continue as a normal person and I put on a brave face but deep down I'm so scared at what these drugs have done to people and myself.  I feel this time after my last decrease its taking much long to be 100% stable again and that is also playing on my mind.

If I had a wish that would be that we get acknowledgment from the medical community so then we would be validated.

Just another day in withdrawal world

 

[GiantsWSC]

Cheeky, everyone is different and will adjust to the waves a bit differently but I want to give you some reassurance that the wave you are experiencing will eventually pass. It's something we all have to face when tapering but you are on your way to recovery slowly but surely. We all have to put a mask on when facing the world whether at work or play but you've taken a huge step by putting yourself out there in the world. 

 

Maybe you can hold this last drop a bit longer until you feel stabilized, maybe a few extra weeks. This is not a race, we want you to feel well enough through the whole process so take it slow and you'll win in the end.

[Cheeky]

5 hours ago, GiantsWSC said:

Cheeky, everyone is different and will adjust to the waves a bit differently but I want to give you some reassurance that the wave you are experiencing will eventually pass. It's something we all have to face when tapering but you are on your way to recovery slowly but surely. We all have to put a mask on when facing the world whether at work or play but you've taken a huge step by putting yourself out there in the world. 

 

Maybe you can hold this last drop a bit longer until you feel stabilized, maybe a few extra weeks. This is not a race, we want you to feel well enough through the whole process so take it slow and you'll win in the end.

Thankyou Giants,

Did you have times were you had to wait longer to stabilise? 

[GiantsWSC]

Hi Cheeky,

 

Yes there were times i was in a wave for up to 2 weeks, waves that lasted maybe several days, and some for only a day. Its up and down throughout the process for me and most likely others as well. I found that as I got closer towards the end of the taper that the waves were shorter and not nearly as severe.

 

If I didn't feel comfortable taking then next drop in dosage I just held on longer until I felt I was ready. 

 

 

[Cheeky]

34 minutes ago, GiantsWSC said:

Hi Cheeky,

 

Yes there were times i was in a wave for up to 2 weeks, waves that lasted maybe several days, and some for only a day. Its up and down throughout the process for me and most likely others as well. I found that as I got closer towards the end of the taper that the waves were shorter and not nearly as severe.

 

If I didn't feel comfortable taking then next drop in dosage I just held on longer until I felt I was ready. 

 

 

Okay Thankyou. 

[DaveB]

13 hours ago, Cheeky said:

Okay so here goes again, I have slightly improved from a week ago, but I still feel waves of anxiety during the day, that comes and then goes. I have been teary but I think that is due to all of this happening to me and how my life has changed.

I try everyday to continue as a normal person and I put on a brave face but deep down I'm so scared at what these drugs have done to people and myself.  I feel this time after my last decrease its taking much long to be 100% stable again and that is also playing on my mind.

If I had a wish that would be that we get acknowledgment from the medical community so then we would be validated.

Just another day in withdrawal world

 

 

I SO know the feeling cheeky, I am right there with you. There are times every day where I feel pretty much completely normal, then get hit by a wave of anxiety that feels as bad as ever, then normal again for a bit, then comes another wave. Not sure what is causing it for me, so I don't really have advice for you, but I know the feeling and it is awful. To feel so good, only to know it won't last and you will get slammed by anxiety again is the cruelest form of torture. It would be funny how weird it is, if it wasn't so awful and terrifying. 

[Rosetta]

So sorry, Cheeky.  I'm in the same state, but I posted a topic on Dave's thread, and I bumped it up to the top of the Symptoms thread.  Maybe it will help you.  

 

Peace, Rosetta

[Cheeky]

Hey 👽

 I thought I might update my journal living in the crazy life of withdrawal land.

Yesterday I had a good day, woke up with morning anxiety, but the rest the day was back to normal which was fantastic. Today I woke up with no anxiety and felt pretty much 8 out of 10 but very tired , but apart from that the day was good  .

 I really hope my following weeks are better than the last few weeks. 

I’m thinking I might try to go to bed earlier.,asI know if I get more sleep I feel better .

Anyways until tomorrow 

cioa

 

[Hazel]

So glad to hear you are feeling better Cheeky!  I have started to improve since yesterday, so let’s hope this keeps up😊

Hazel

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, Hazel said:

So glad to hear you are feeling better Cheeky!  I have started to improve since yesterday, so let’s hope this keeps up😊

Hazel

So happy for you two! Something in the air the last few days? I was getting on this morning to post I woke to the smallest amount of morning anxiety I can remember having in a long time. Maybe this are looking up for all of us!