☼ Martina23: Lyrica

[MollyN]

I'm going to miss you Martina! You're quite obviously a gorgeous person xxx You're very thoughtful to let us know you'll be away, it's been a pleasure to meet you and I hope you continue to improve and heal wonderfully!

 

All the ver,y very best with your endeavours - lots and lots of love mollynxxx

[Katz]

Hi I was wondering about you having pgad- you said it's gone now. How? Did you take something? I've had it for 5 years and have tried everything but it won't stop. Can you get back to me? Thanks- Katz 

[Altostrata]

Hi, Katz -- Please start an Introductions topic for yourself, we can discuss your situation in more detail and leave Martina's topic to her.

[Martina23]

Hi all,

 

I only wanted to update you on my legal fight about this Lyrica.

 

So till now it was by some state agency who should help the people who suffered a malpractise, and yesterday they told me that the medical experts said there is no failure that the doctors made in my case as there is no really prescribed cure for pgad, so giving lyrica was ok.

 

I guess it would not even help that they didnt inform me on side effects because this patient agency sent my complaint direct to the hospital so they had time to rework all their papers and to write there that they informed me. So in Austria it is lost.

 

I even found control study made by pfizer for lyrica and lorazepam which was presented in the biggest magazine for psychiatry in europe in 2013 (and on the biggest conference here) so that the psychiatrists prescribe this medicament, for both medicaments (lyrica and lorazepam) it is there written there are no relevant side effects long term after using for six months.

 

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0924933813761479

 

I found out this study was made by Siegfried Kasper who is head of psychiatry in the biggest hospital here in Austria who himself admitted to be getting grants and research support from Pfizer and to have conflict of interest / economical ties to pharma industry. So this study is bought.

 

There is also written that also lorazepam has no side effects (pfizer produces also lorazepam -temesta), therefore I guess the psychiatrists prescribe it long term, based on such bought studies.

 

I guess almost 80 percent of control studies is made by experts which have financial ties to pharma industry, who write there there are no side effects (even if by benzos there is since 1980 this guidlines that they can not be used for more than 2 weeks as afterwards the addiction comes) and other psychiatrists prescribe these medicaments as they dont know that these studies are bought.

 

I placed this as a criminal complaint to our general attorney, how pfizer is spreading addiction to the general population, but in Austria no one is working properly by state, so it will be lost also.

 

I am so unhappy about this, I spent so much work on this, I made really serious findings, I understand the whole what is going on properly now, but I can not push it through here. The law here is so doctor and pharma friendly and by these state institutions noone is really interested to work.

 

I told them they should check all the control studies made for lyrica in austria, ask these experts if they get grants and research support from pfizer, that I am sure if the head of the biggest hospital here is paid/has conflict of interest, then sure at least 70 percent of these experts are surely paid by pharma industry/have conflict of interest.

 

But I am sure they will do nothing, even if it is not hard to prove. Only noone wants.

 

I am so sad about this. I have a feeling that whole my work was useless, that I can not win it and was very disappointed by this. I worked on this very hard.

 

That is what is new, but nothing pleasant. I am now going to.pick up my daughter from grandma.

[Marmot]

6 hours ago, Martina23 said:

I am so sad about this. I have a feeling that whole my work was useless, that I can not win it and was very disappointed by this. I worked on this very hard.

 

So sorry to hear that you're not winning the case. Thanks for sharing the story here, even that might be a good use of your time spent. People read this stuff and it makes them think. Maybe there are even other places where you could write about what you learned?

[Martina23]

On 9.12.2017 at 7:01 PM, Marmot said:

 

So sorry to hear that you're not winning the case. Thanks for sharing the story here, even that might be a good use of your time spent. People read this stuff and it makes them think. Maybe there are even other places where you could write about what you learned?

Hi Marmot, you are right. I thought I could still send all my findings to all attornies general in US. Maybe someone would investigate it.

 

But somewhat when I see this disinterest here in Austria, I feel demotivated. I like to be useful in the life and in Austria I have this feeling that I am wasting my time here. But I know there are a lot of countries where the same case would make the same problems like here. I think I am not the only one. I wish I could live in the US/I dream of it. There it wouldnt be so unsuccessful.

[Martina23]

On 2.11.2017 at 6:19 AM, Katz said:

Hi I was wondering about you having pgad- you said it's gone now. How? Did you take something? I've had it for 5 years and have tried everything but it won't stop. Can you get back to me? Thanks- Katz 

Hi Katz, by me it stopped naturally. I got it after caesarian delivery as a side effect. And it took 1,5 year, it was quite painful and afterwards -it just stopped.

 

Now I feel there somethimes a little pulsing, but I can live with it. It doesnt bother me anymore. It is not anymore painful.

 

I hope it will stop by you too. Did you get it from SSRIs or from something other?

[Martina23]

On 29.10.2017 at 8:34 PM, MollyN said:

I'm going to miss you Martina! You're quite obviously a gorgeous person xxx You're very thoughtful to let us know you'll be away, it's been a pleasure to meet you and I hope you continue to improve and heal wonderfully!

 

All the ver,y very best with your endeavours - lots and lots of love mollynxxx

Hi Molly, I like very much your emails always. You are such a kind,  dear soul. I hope that you are well. You must have summer now at New Zealand. I have such a bad life period. I have a feeling that in Austria nothing functions, I tried also with this Lyrica a lot, and I have a feeling that the people/authorities here dont take me seriously. They are just happy that they take their state salaries and other people are not important for them.

 

Uff, I would even move to New Zealand, if I could, sure you dont have such bureaucracy there ...

 

I would rather like koalas...

 

I hope you are well.

[Martina23]

When I see all the people struggling here, I am so angry at these doctors, drug companies and also at governments. It is absolutely unexcusable.

[Martina23]

Ahh, today the editor gave me back my book with his editing, and I dont like it. I dont know why they always change so much that it absolutely loses my sense what I wanted to say. Also my rhythm is away and then it sounds for me boring. This is bad that I am not a native speaker in other case I would not need editor at all and could have there 100 percent my sentences. Like that I dont like my own book and dont know what to do with it.

[Martina23]

I feel so terrible. Today I told the editor, I dont like that he changed me so much in my document. Now it comes me boring (but this I didnt tell him). And he told me immediately that he corrected only the boggest mistakes and in my own version it would be extremely difficult to read it for a native speaker, as clearly I am not a native speaker. I feel somewhat so bad. Everything I try seems so difficult.  Maybe now the book is correct, but I dont like it at all. It is so sad.

[Martina23]

Today I read the hospital's documents about me. They write there that I told them that if the pain from PGAD doesn't stop, I will commit suicide. It is actually such a lie.

 

I am today also very frustrated about my editor. He said that all changes are necessary in other case a native speaker wouldn't understand my text. That I should please understand it. And if I reject his changes, he will not correct it once more. But I dont like his edit. He put me so much away that the text is boring. I don't know what to do. He is a good human being, also quite responsible but I don't think he would be my favourite writer. But I hope we will still find some solution. Or I have to find another one. I think, to write a book is very hard.

[Martina23]

So I didnt use this editor, I am looking for a new one. I know I am mad but I am thinking first I have to.love my book, if I dont love it how anyone other can love it? It is everything so complicated.

[Martina23]

It is funny but I am watching sometimes now the election of Czech president and I realized today there are no women candidates for president -just 9 men. It is funny. I thought maybe our society in middle and eastern Europe is still so conservative that the women are not even thinking about to be president. Maybe from this long time they still feel so suppressed by the society or by their education, they just dont think about being president. I think our society is still unjustified to women in spite of feminism. The women are educated that they should keep at home and do nothing. I find it stifling.

[Marmot]

On 15/12/2017 at 8:09 AM, Martina23 said:

So I didnt use this editor, I am looking for a new one. I know I am mad but I am thinking first I have to.love my book, if I dont love it how anyone other can love it? It is everything so complicated.

 

Makes sense. If you find an editor who understands your vision for the book, maybe they can suggest changes that actually make it better. 

 

 

[Martina23]

So I will put again advertisement for an editor. I am always so afraid to do something which I dont usually do, I guess I have anxiety from people and new situations. 

 

I read about Contergan scandal here, this was this medicament which the pregnant women took to calm down and then bore children without hands and feet. It reminded me on our situation.

The producer till the end said his product was ok and wanted to sue everyone who told the truth. They made even film about it -till 2007 they couldnt even put it to television because the producer immediately sued. So looks the democracy.

[Martina23]

Today I started to look for an editor. I find this whole very frustrating. There are even people there who tell me that my writing would need a substantial editing, very heavy editing and I find it very sad. I dont want to be considered someone who made very bad work only because I am not a native speaker. I find my work ok. And I like my book. Clearly, I am not a native speaker but I find the book interesting and not boring so as it is. And it hurts me this comments how my work needs soooo heavy editing. It is sad. I will not give up but somehow in life I would need also already some positive experiences and not only kicks to the back.

 

I have so enough of the people which always need to put down other people, maybe I had to write that book in Slovak but then there are not so many people who could read it, so I couldnt do that. But I wished the people wouldnt remind me always how insufficient I am in English language.

[Martina23]

Today I had such a crushing experience. How I am looking for an editor, a lady wrote me that she  wants to do the work for 3.300 dollar, and it is 64 pages A4 (135 pages A5), it is still a small book - I will make a longer version of it but till now I have only a small book. I told her that the amount comes me too much and so I will not consider her (I had further 60 offers mostly at 1000 - 1500 dollar). And she started to shout at me at her email, I should know that my english is very bad so I should be happy that she wanted to do it at this price and not bigger. It was humiliating. It made me sad.

[nz11]

Don't be sad Martina23, You should be glad. 

Glad you don't have to work with someone like that who shouts at you for not accepting their offer.  That's not acceptable. 

Its your money for goodness sake you can spend it on whatever offer that's agreeable to you. That's your right.

Well done on not accepting her stupid offer. 

 

[Martina23]

13 minutes ago, nz11 said:

Don't be sad Martina23, You should be glad. 

Glad you don't have to work with someone like that who shouts at you for not accepting their offer.  That's not acceptable. 

Its your money for goodness sake you can spend it on whatever offer that's agreeable to you. That's your right.

Well done on not accepting her stupid offer. 

 

Nz, thank you. You are very nice. I think you should be already moderator, you always say the right thing and you are very emphatic.

[Martina23]

I found a new editor! He is Korean...(but says he speaks english)

[Martina23]

With my previous editor it went well after all. He said he would refund me the money. It would be great if there were more enterpreneurs like him. I hope it will function with the new one.

 

Today my children had a Christmas party in the kindergarten. There were so many people and maybe I am currently in the wave but I had there intrusive thoughts - these really horror ones. I dont know why it has never repaired itself. I wish it was already repaired. I am afraid it will never repair itself.

 

I decided I will paint more and so fight the intrusive thoughts. I think I need it to stay sane.

[Martina23]

I dont know, most of things I did last year were so useless.  This reserching about Lyrica, also painting and also writing the book -it all didnt bring anything. Somewhere I read that 99 percent of books will not earn enough money even to cover the costs. So why did I do it? It is a good question. The same as this Lyrica. I think, it was a noble thing but to have it sense you have to find people which will investigate your findings and make action. It is really everything about the people. Here in Austria everything is useless and I suffer a lot to stay here. I can not go on like that. I just have to find courage to move.

[Martina23]

I hate that. Now in the evening we went with the children to buy presents for the Christmas. They were the whole way quarelling. The son hit the daughter, she started crying, hit him back, then he was crying and I was only shouting the whole way that if they dont stop I will move away and dont come back home anymore.  Now I am sitting at home, exhausted and pray that they will continue playing and give me a few moment to calm down.

[Marmot]

Christmas can be super exhausting! I don't have kids, but I imagine that that could add a layer of stress. I still need to do my shopping. I hope that you got some peace!

[Martina23]

Today I started again painting. I realized that it was not everything senseless only because here nothing functions. Even this that it makes me happy means that it is not lost. I think we should do everything we can in life to be successful and one day it will function, it doesn't have to be here in Austria, it can be also somewhere else. My biggest idol is Modigliani, I think he also was not perfect and died poor and he was such a talent. 

[Martina23]

Today there were pictures from American civil war in our boulevard magazin. How every thirteen soldier had the hands amputated. I know it is stupid, but I immediately started to think about how it would feel to be without hands. I think it must be even worse than to be without feet. You can not touch anything, you can not make yourself meal, you can not write, you can not paint. You can eat only with mouth. Terrible perspective. They should already destroy all the atomic weapons on the world, not that we all end like that.

[Martina23]

I have today such intrusive thoughts. It is terrible. And when I imagine that maybe until the end of my life I will be compromised and these doctors wouldnt be even taken accountable I feel so confused and angry.

[Altostrata]

Martina, can you find a counselor who can help you learn Cognitive Behavior Therapy? This would help you manage those needless, self-destructive thoughts.

[Martina23]

5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Martina, can you find a counselor who can help you learn Cognitive Behavior Therapy? This would help you manage those needless, self-destructive thoughts.

Thank you, I will do.

[Martina23]

Today my sister and my mother came and when I said that I dont believe on this state anymore because they destroyed my head and noone got punished for this (that I want to move somewhere else), my sister told me seriously I should be happy as I give nothing to the state, so it is for her ok. 

 

It is not true I gave nothing to the state, for example with this lyrica I researched so much and tried to send my findings where I could. And I think I can evaluate if in Austria the legal system works or not. I did there so much and as always state did not work. My relatives are so stupid. They should be silent if they cant say anything wise.

 

If I could I would kick them out, but I can not do that because they brought presents for my children.

[Martina23]

I dont know why my mother and sister make me always angry. Actually it was from childhood like that. They always felt to be something better than me. I have always felt to be worse than them. My sister was always the right one - always worked in each work for a long time, has a perfect relationship with the father of her children, always perfectly styled, good figure, perfect smile. To the opposite of me: I am everywhere at work for 1-2 years, the father of my children doesnt speak with me at all, now he even stopped paying again, I am not perfectly styled, struggle with my weight, and a perfect smile I dont have also, very often  I say what I think and everybody is running away

 

But nevertheless I dont like when they come as after their comments I always feel so inferior.

[Altostrata]

I would find it very irritating if someone told me I "give nothing to the state." That is an obnoxious thing to say.

[Martina23]

Happy new year to everyone! It is so exciting to hear everywhere these firecrackers!

 

Healing to everyone in the New Year! We should be happy, wealthy, healthy, be together with our love, see new countries and enjoy a lot people, new friendships and the people who support us.

 

The people who do not support us can move in 2018 somewhere where we dont see them :-)

 

Beautiful, charming New Year for everyone!

[Martina23]

Today was for me a bit lonely. I also felt sick. I had a food in KFC and my stomach didnt like it at all. Sometimes when a food is only a bit fat my stomach will not process it. I also vomited from it.

 

The children' father again stopped paying. So I am desperately looking for a job. I dont want to work in Austria after this experience with Lyrica, but until I can move I have to feed my children, so I have to find work here. I would so much like to live in America, I imagine that there the things are functioning, you can sue drug companies, noone laughs at you when you want to go against drug company, or complain, when you want to do some business, I am missing here simple respect and motivation to achieve something. I dont want to achieve something in a state which almost killed me and the doctors who did it continue handing in these poisons to people like candies and will not be punished at all. I dont want to live in such a state. 

[Martina23]

I realized I was stupid. That I was so frustrated living in Austria. Today I checked my old website with prints/posters and realized in june/july 2017 I had in each month 400 visits, 99 percent was US. And I found out I really dont have to move immediately, each time I can reach the people I want through the website, now in the age of internet you can make business with everyone you want, even from Papua New Guinea. So I think I will make my website better and stop complaining. Everytime the things can work, we only have to try enough. I dont want to make with my negative thinking my future.