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AmyK

AmyK: Intro about myself

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Cipramillion

Cheering for you, Amy!

 

Great news!

 

Hugs!

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AmyK

Well it's an online course. I couldn't go to meetings. Still, it's big for me. ????

Hug you both back!

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LexAnger

Thinking of you Amy.

Hope all are going well!

 

Lex

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AmyK

I am ok, thanks! I had kind of a breakdown a few days ago, thinking about my non-existing career and that I lost my job and just about everything else.... yes, that kind of day... But I am alive! And I will take my life back somehow.

 

The beautiful spring is here, loooking forward to see all my tulips bloom.

 

Take care all.

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AliG

Amy . I understand about the lost times. I've been having a moment too ......  but you are alive and taking your power back. Well done. It can only get better from this point on . 

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myndfull

Amy -- I searched the site for member's experiences of what very low drops are like symptomwise and I came across your thread. I thought I was low now at .06ml liquid Celexa, and I thought I couldn't take what I've recently come to realize is going to be two to three more years of withdrawal (I so much want this experience to end!).

 

But your own experience/courage have given me some hope.

 

Thinking good thoughts for you!

 

Myndfull

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SkyBlue

I am ok, thanks! I had kind of a breakdown a few days ago, thinking about my non-existing career…  But I am alive! And I will take my life back somehow.

 

The beautiful spring is here, loooking forward to see all my tulips bloom.

 

Take care all.

 

 

Ohhhh, Amy! I just want to hug you. I can understand why this would be so difficult, even though I can tell you objectively that you will regain all of those things. So many hugs to you. <3 

And your love for spring and flowers is so inspiring to hear. 

 

Are things any better today? 

 

Here in the midwest U.S. it is sooooooo beautiful. Spring is here and everything is green and blooming.

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AmyK

Thankyou Myndfull. I am happy that I give you hope. Just keep on going until you feel ready!

 

SkyBlue, thank you for stopping by, and for the hug! I am much better, but every step down in the taper gets to me now. I never heard of this from anyone else... at this dose... But it never stays for long. I just have to tell myself over and over again I will be fine.

 

Hugs to both of you!

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SkyBlue

H Amy! You're very welcome. I'm following this thread now so I can keep up to date on your progress. Please reach out any time. It's fine to message me too. <3 

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LexAnger

Hugs from me too dear Amy, and hats off!!

You deserve it so well!

 

It's very heartbreaking to think about the whole thing, but we have no other options but accept this most horrodous experience of our lives. We don't understand why we were offered by life with this ordeal, but its time to celebrate and keep looking forward to living the life at its fullest!!

 

After all we went through, nothing matters with our lives back!!

 

I'm so proud of you!

Lots love

Lex

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AmyK

That is so sweet of you, SkyBlue. Especially when I know you have/had a tough time your self. <3

 

Lex, dearest. Yes, we have to keep hope. I have so many things I want to do. I know you have too. Don't forgot that we will dance!

 

Love, Amy

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AliG

How are you feeling now, Amy?

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AmyK

Ali, I forgot to respond to you! Thankyou so much for stopping by. I am ok, but I am so fed up with my situation, really...

 

On Monday I made my drug solution and then threw all the liquid out and just added water to that "non-solution" (it must be something in it), but I got so dizzy and angry in the evening so on the next day I went back, but not all the way. I am at tiny 0.002 mg now. If it wasnt for the course I follow I shouldnt have done that, but I just cant be dizzy right now.

I dont see how I am ever going to stop this hellish drug. The physical symtoms sometimes still freaks me out.

 

Well, well. I will just continue. Soon, soon.

 

I hope you feel better from your moment, Ali.This is all so hard. Many, many hugs!

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AliG

Yep . This is hard. We know that. What else can we do but go through it? 

 

Keep going, Amy. You have our support and love.

 

I understand the " fed up " - it's intolerable at times.

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Hibari

Hey Amy,  I know you can do it and I totally empathize with the "fed up" feeling.  

 

It continues to surprise me how strong these medications are at the low doses.  I too am very sensitive and have been rocked by cuts.

 

We aren't doing anything wrong by being affected even at the small doses.

 

Keep the faith. 

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Altostrata

You're so close. You can do this! 

 

If you're still sensitive to a decrease, perhaps you might hold for a while, then try again.

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AmyK

I understand the " fed up " - it's intolerable at times.

I know you do, Ali. <3

 

It continues to surprise me how strong these medications are at the low doses.

Me too, I never thought it would be like this. Thanks, Hibari!

 

You're so close. You can do this! 

 

If you're still sensitive to a decrease, perhaps you might hold for a while, then try again.

Thankyou, Alto! Yes, I will try. I really want to be med free this summer though ... I am getting a bit desperate. :)

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Cipramillion

Hi, Amy!

 

You can do this! Im stabilizing myself after the jump. Symptoms are much better now after 2 months off. You will make it too! Just stay strong and stick to your plan.

 

Hugs!

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AmyK

I am so happy to hear that, Cipramillion! Thankyou for sharing this, sometimes I really doubt that healing will happen. But that is my dizzy mind talking.

Hugs back!

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SkyBlue

How are you doing today, Amy? <3 

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AmyK

I am quite ok today, thanks. Even som smiles.

How are you, SkyBlue?

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LexAnger

Amy, Don't be scared of how you feel from the 0.001mg drop, I am dropping by 0.0004mg it still takes about 2 weeks to feel some stablization. It's seems that's how much the healing requires.

 

I'm glad to "hear" you smile!

 

Couple more steps, you are free forever!!!

 

Love, hugs,

Lex

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AmyK

0.0004 mg, Lex. That is just unbeliavable. But it doesn't surprise me. This is how sensitive one can be. You are so strong. Always remember you are going in the right direction. Freedom will come.<3

Many hugs!

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LexAnger

I was not able to handle the 0.0004 drop before, just started feeling able to manage the cut even the symptoms are still strong. I took it a good sign that my system is working toward stabilizing after 4 months since the big jump from 0.8 mg.after another cut yesterday, I even felt my old self for couple hours this morning, and not sleeping that many hours these days too. Also listened to my favorite music CD with some emotional connection for the first couple songs before the big clumsy head creeping back up.

 

Giving how totally dead my brain has been mentally and physically, I deeply appreciate the amazing healing ability human brain possess.

 

How are you feeling? I hope you are getting your emotion back along with physical symptoms leaving.

 

Hugs,

Lex

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AmyK

I did two minor exams yesterday and today. I was worried because I dont trust my brain, but considering the circumstances I think it went quite well.
I still feel this tiny dose, a couple of hours after taking the drug I feel "dumb", apathic and a bit of derealization. I was lucky to have the exams in the morning, before taking the drug...
The power of this drug amazes me, and I do really hope it's possible to be/feel well again.

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LexAnger

Amy, your reaction/symptoms to daily dosing are quite similar to mine. If you remember, I took the liquid over many hours every day to reduce the dosing reaction. I would feel the strange sensation, drugged, and DR after just 0.001mg. I hope once you are completely off, they will go away.

 

How is WD going? Are they all settled now?

 

Also I wonder if you ever had this burning pain on skin (all over for me during your years tapering. 

 

lex  

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AmyK

Yes, I remember Lex. You dont do that anymore?

Wd is nothing, now mostly drug reaction. I feel poisoned, but somewhat functional. I can "act if", but afternoon are the worst. I feel totally stupid. (I take the drug at noon.)

I only have wd for some days now, than reaction takes over. Maybe time to drop again. Or quit? I have more exams coming up and I really dont know how to plan.

 

When feeling poisoned I feel burning on my skin, and numb on my lips sometimes and on the nose tip. The mouth can also feel like it burns. After a drop that gets better.

 

How are you, my friend?

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LexAnger

hearing back from you this quick adds a smile to my painful face/head.

 

its great you have WD under control most of the times. I know what you mean about the feeling from dosing reaction.

I feel its safe for another drop of 0.001 mg, or even half of that, just to give it another round.

 

yes, I am still doing that crazy dosing, cant even take 0.02mg from 4-11pm as it makes me total crap and out of the world. So I only take about 0.02mg from 4pm-11pm (which usually helps with WD symptoms--numb, pressure, weak/paralysis entire left body) until midnight when I take the rest all together (0.1mg) right before sleeping so I don't feel it.

 

this burning/needling pain (its not just sensation on skin, but very painful like going through an acid trip deep into tissues especially brain) has been the most mysterious symptom to me, I took hourly notes everyday for years trying to understand if its from WD or reaction but still confused. Like before, the burning usually got better or even stop after cut, but came back very quickly in couple days then alternating with WD days, making me totally lost if its now from WD too. I am still cutting by 0.0004mg as WD can be quite strong still even not as severe as the last 2 months.

 

When did the burning started for you initially?

 

hugs,

lex

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AmyK

It started maybe two years ago. At 2 mg. Your burning seems worse though, being so deep. I am so sorry you have to endure this, Lex. <3

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Hibari

Amy, I just posted on my own thread about how much I feel my remaining Lamictal doesn't belong in my body.  Your phrase, "poisoned but functional"  really resonated with me. 

 

I think as we get physically stronger, our bodies want to reject the drug-at least that's what I'm experiencing. 

 

I know you will make it off Amy and you just have a little more to go.    It will totally happen for you. 

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AmyK

Thanks, Hibari!

Yes, I feel my body has rejected zoloft from start, but I just couldn't get rid of it. It has been a horrible journey. But I believe in healing.

Many hugs!

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SkyBlue

<3 <3 <3 <3 

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Cipramillion

Hi, Amy!

 

Thank you so much for the kind words in response to my update. 

 

How are you these days?

 

0.002mg. Wow! You are so close to the final push now!

 

Hugs!

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AmyK

I have gradually been going down further and am at about 0.0003 mg since a few days. I am struggling. I feel stressed (both the drugs and outside stressors). I have pain in my body and a "lack" of the drug. Yesterday I just bursted into tears. My brain is foggy. I feel apathic. And so sad for all these years. I just want to come back to the healthy somewhat down to earth me.

 

Not a very uplifting note. But it is what it is. I will get by.

A hug to anyone who needs it!

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divalee

AmyK - hugs right back at you -  we all want to get back to normalcy - and we will -  sometimes it looks like we will never get better because the waves are never ending -  but we must have faith, courage and hope -  It is good to be in this group to see that we are not alone- and we will get through this together.

 

Lee (f)

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AmyK

Thankyou, Divalee!

It helps so much to come here. I send you healing thoughts and hugs!

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