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AmyK: Intro about myself


AmyK

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Thanks Karen, I will be careful. It's just that I want my brain back so badly.... (We all do!) I cant work with these ups and downs in physical emotions and brain fog.

 

When I say I feel good that means "wd normal"= I can function, still some brain fog, but with energy enough to plan, to take action, to feel some happiness. On these days wd is not a big problem.

 

But as it changes just before or after a drop...it's so hard to plan anything...

 

I cant believe I actually worked fulltime for three years during wd. A quite demanding "thinking" job with writing. That seems so far away. Now when I try to start again on my own it just gives me anxiety. I get totally blocked. That's why I want to rush things, I guess. But I won't.

 

Good things: Yoga, spring, the light that comes back, reconnecting with an old friend.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Rough calculations says August sometime.  That will put my at .48 according to my current schedule.  I'll probably be holding here at .8 for an extra week or so because I will be on the road for the second week of the drop if I stick to my schedule.  I just checked and it will be the third week so I may as well go ahead and drop.  It's a big celebration trip and don't want to spoil it.

Ok Brass. I wish you a nice trip! :-)

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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 Hi Amy fellow Zoloft taperer! Thank you for writing in my thread earlier. I read through some of your posts. Seems like you have some similar symptoms as I have. When you have had a drugged feeling and then dropped the dose and then felt better -  would you say the drugged feeling is an indicator that now it's time to drop? 

 

I can totally relate to what you mean when you say "wd normal" :-)

And boy is it hard to plan anything!

 

Hope you're feeling well!

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Hi Mjau! Yes, that has been the case for me. I have to mention that I have felt quite stable before this drugged feeling.

This have happened many times. It still surprised me every time though that I could feel so much better after a (often tiny) drop.

 

But everyone is different. guess I never tolerated zoloft. I have never felt really good on it.

Thanks, I feel quite good. I hope you do to!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Just for me to remember after changing signature:

2015: 98 mg 25 December 1,01 mg 8 December 1,03 mg 30 November 1,06 mg 19 November 1,08 mg 10 November 1,11 mg 15 October 1,16 mg 2 October 1,21 mg 14 September 1,26 mg 3 September 1,30 mg 18 August 1,31 mg 11 August 1,35 mg 4 August 1,40 mg 28 July 1,44 mg 21 July 1,50 mg 13 July 1,54 mg 6 July 1,60 mg 25 June 1,64 mg 18 June 1,67 mg 5 June 1,77 mg 18 May 1,87 30 April 1,97 mg 13 April 2,14 mg 17 March 2,25 mg 6 Feb 2,35 mg 3 Jan.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Hi Amy,

 

Thanks for stopping by my thread! I am happy we find each other!

Just finished reading your entire thread (more on your posts though). Great job sliding down with doses! I am excited that you made it this far and so close to the end! 

 

Keep the good work!

 

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Oh thankyou, Lex.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Amy. You're doing great !  I love your list of good things.    :)   

 

Good things: Yoga, spring, the light that comes back, reconnecting with an old friend.

 

You sound inspired, which is always fantastic. Wishing you the best. You deserve it.

Hugs,

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Thanks Ali. I am having a really low day today. Dropped the dose yesterday. But it's ok. It will change.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Feeling so much better. Two days in a row I have woke up without anxiety. That has'nt happened in years.

I am doing yoga two three times a week and it's helping me so much. After a session I feel so positive. I really recommend (gentle) yoga to everyone that feels ready to do some exercise. It calms the CNS.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Put a smile on me knowing you are having peaceful days and enjoying living!

I feel you are even closer to the true healing period.

 

Exercise has been my life savor! Except for extreme fatigue days which is not very often, I go to gym almost every day for walk, sauna and swim. I always feel like a different person afterwards. They help with vRious symptoms especially the. Pins and needles, even fatigue!

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Thats wonderful, Lex. I love swimming.

Is that your dog on the avatar? So cute!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Unfortunately no :(.

I live alone and love dogs obsessively but always fear my condition to care a dog.

I found the picture online :)

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Well, yesterday's post was a bit optimistic. Today just nauseated and brain foggy. I dont know how to balance these ups and downs. When I feel good I tend to plan things...on bad days I get so disappointed. It put my life on hold and it depresses me so much. I just hide and wait for the time to pass.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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I wrote this in the off-topic, but I put it here to. I hope it's ok?

---------------

 

I am so angry with big Pharma, for what it has done to all people in this community, how many years it has destroyed, including for me. But I am getting nowhere with this anger. I just have to accept until it pass, I guess.

 

In Sweden there has been a big scandal about a "superstar" surgeant that had caused many people's suffering and deaths due to the plastic windpipes he built and put into sick peoples throats. He fooled the whole medical society about the research that didnt exist. Maybe someone have heard of it. His name is Paolo Macchiarini.

 

On of the harsh critics was the Swedish researcher and pharmacologist Arvid Carlsson (old now), known for the discovery that dopamine effects Parkinsons disease. He and his team also discovered that serotonine effects the signal substances (!) and can help depressions. The team was first with the first Ssri, Zimeledine, in the 1970's. This medicine was predecessor to prozac and cipramil.

 

Arvid Carlsson got the Nobel prize in Medicine in 2000 together with two other reseachers.

 

Macchiarini might have been responsible for five peoples deaths, and that is horrendous. But the suffering this **** medicine called ssri have had on people...there are no words.

 

Long rant...I just had to get it out of me.

 

http://usdailytribune.com/the-reputation-of-nobel-prize-in-the-light-of-paolo-macchiarini-case/1067/

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zimelidine

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Hi Amy, I can relate to your last two posts. It is wonderful when things are stable and up and I also start planning a lot of things. So hard when the energy levels suddenly drop and I have to put everything on a hold.

It is truly maddening to think about what these medicines have caused for so many people.

Hopefully this journey freeing ourselves from the drugs will bring new light to our lives.

We are lucky that we found out about the drugs! What if we never questioned them, just kept popping them!

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Thanks for your post, Mjau. Yes, it's so hard those days when you dont feel good. I so long for this to be over... Hopefully we l have learned something of value from this experience. In my nordic pessimistic way, I think I have learned nothing and this just have been a terrible experience. I wish I am wrong.

The last drop caught up on me, the last two nights were soaked in sweat, today just brainfoggy, a bit nauseated and tired.

On the clair days I make plans for my work (started as free lance in February), but a day as today...I dont even bother...

My work situation worries me, by the end of the year I must have some income. Well, well...

 

Take care all.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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I look at my linkedin and wonder: does this person existed? I cant recognize myself. I had this career, but now it's non-existent, mostly due to this drug. I have days when I just sit an stare. I tell nobody, but that is how it is.

I just hope my brain will come back.

I have a good day today (clear brain!) and I can feel the taste of better days. It gives me hope.

It's not really the career I want back, it's the meaningfulness of a task. To be needed. And the joy of going "beyond myself", if you know what I mean.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I just hope my brain will come back.

I have a good day today (clear brain!) and I can feel the taste of better days. It gives me hope.

 

AmyK,

 

I put these two quotes next to each other because in my view the second one means that you can change "hope" in the first one to "know".

 

If you are having good days where your brain is "clear" why would you assume anything other than the fact that over time it will be all clear?  You are doing great and you should have plenty of confidence that this will all be behind you as you continue to do things the right way.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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("does existed"... oh my grammar... clear head, yeah right...:) )

 

Thanks Andy. I know, I have to be more optimistic.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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I look at my linkedin and wonder: does this person existed? I cant recognize myself. I had this career, but now it's non-existent, mostly due to this drug. I have days when I just sit an stare. I tell nobody, but that is how it is.

I just hope my brain will come back.

I have a good day today (clear brain!) and I can feel the taste of better days. It gives me hope.

It's not really the career I want back, it's the meaningfulness of a task. To be needed. And the joy of going "beyond myself", if you know what I mean.

Amy

Your brain WILL come back....when we add second fear to the anxiety we are feeling about losing our real selves, we cannot see the truth. And we can not appreciate the blessings we already have. You ARE needed. By your family and your friends right here for starters. And this will extend to your career in time. We must be patient. Time is the great healer. big hugs xo

June, 1998 zoloft 50 mg. Had entered menopause, was irritable and anxious

Summer 2010, added welbutrin to zoloft, switched to effexor,did not work
9/ 2010 zoloft 75 mg. 11/25/10 50 mg.  12/30 45
1/19/11 40.5 2/6 36.5 3/7 32.8
3/29 29.5 4/20 25 5/28 22.5
6/16 20.2 7/7 18.2 7/28 16.4
8/18 14.7 9/8 13.0 9/23 12.5
10/10 11.2 11/6 10.6 11/9 11.2
12/7 10.5 1/1/12 10 2/1 9.5
3/1 9 3/23 8.5 4/30 5/29 7.5 6/26 7 7/31 6.5
8/22 6 9/15 5.5 10/2012/17 4.8 (switched to homemade liquid) 2/8/2013 zoloft free

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Thank you, Joanne. You are right. I get so impatient sometimes.

 

Good things: warm summer weather here after a cold spring, planting seeds, enjoying an excursion to the sea with family. We even had a quick dip in the cold water - amazing!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

AmyK,

 

When I last posted I was reacting to just that post but now I have gone back and read your entire thread.  WOW!  You are doing so well with your taper it is really an inspiration!  Just keep going slow and steady, listening to your body, and you will be out of this horrific trap.

 

Just wanted to let you know that you will inspire many on the site.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

Link to comment

Andy, thankyou for those kind words. If I can inspire someone that feels great.

We are all in this together.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

Link to comment

Head aches and dizzy. But the worst thing is the feeling of hopelessness and impatience. I have this "real" me inside me that want to do all these possible things around me. Work, socialize with friends, travel. I just cant wait. But this body of drugs hold me back. I just dont know how to keep the spirit going...

To be able to get glimpses of the life I want I hide the druggy side of me, tell noone but my really closest ones. I try to work (as a free lance) but its actually just pretending still.

I went to yoga the other day, we meditated, the mantra was about being true to one self, and it just made me cry. I am trying so hard to let people have this image of me, I dont want to be seen as a victim and someone to feel pity for, but I cant hold it together. It takes so much energy.

But I dont want to open up and show my vulnerability to everyone either. That would make me sink even deeper, I believe. And I need a lot of integrity. If I am going to succed with this wd I have to believe in the strenght in me. I just dont know how to do it.

I would love comments on this topic, I am sure many of you recognize it.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Hi Amy!

 

 

Head aches and dizzy. But the worst thing is the feeling of hopelessness and impatience. I have this "real" me inside me that want to do all these possible things around me. Work, socialize with friends, travel. I just cant wait. But this body of drugs hold me back. I just dont know how to keep the spirit going...
To be able to get glimpses of the life I want I hide the druggy side of me, tell noone but my really closest ones. I try to work (as a free lance) but its actually just pretending still.
I went to yoga the other day, we meditated, the mantra was about being true to one self, and it just made me cry. I am trying so hard to let people have this image of me, I dont want to be seen as a victim and someone to feel pity for, but I cant hold it together. It takes so much energy.
But I dont want to open up and show my vulnerability to everyone either. That would make me sink even deeper, I believe. And I need a lot of integrity. If I am going to succed with this wd I have to believe in the strenght in me. I just dont know how to do it.
I would love comments on this topic, I am sure many of you recognize it.

 

This is exactly how I feel! Impatience. I have a lot of things I'd like to do and it makes me sad when I have to let things go because of wd. I can only hope that things will get better. 

Have you felt better before during tapering and withdrawal? Have you had any windows? If you've had them you know they will come back. Remember the windows will come back, they will be longer and the waves will be shorter until there are now more waves! 

Yeah I know it's hard to hold things together, it takes so much energy for me as well. And I get the feeling that people notice that there's something weird with me, that makes me feel awkward. I guess we just have to try to accept the situation we're in... that things aren't working very well and just live on the hope that the fog will lift and tomorrow will be a clearer day!

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Yes Mjau, I have windows. Sometimes I feel quite "normal". Acceptance is key, I know.

I have been tapering for so long, 4.5 years, I guess I just had enough...(have I said that before? :-)

Others had it worse, I know that, and I believe everyone who is suffering from ssri are true heroes going thru this hardship. To keep the spirit up is a challenge.

Can you work, Mjau?

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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  • Moderator

Hi Amy-- It's such a frustrating period to be in, wanting to, knowing you can, but not quite being able. I found that if I just kept pushing the boundaries a little bit each time, but giving myself time to regroup and rest really worked. Also not setting expectations but being pleased with accomplishments was better than over planning and not succeeding. Sorta like setting things rolling then letting yourself be swept along instead of trying to control everything. It may not accomplish what you're planning to happen, but right now any move forward is a positive.

 

I've had a problem with overactive emotions lately. I will tear up and cry at all sorts of inopportune times. It can be a bit awkward, but I rarely see the people I with so I just brush it off and not worry about it.  Most people who only know you a little might think it a bit strange but won't remember it at all in a few months. If you're trying to grow a relationship with them then as they see the true you showing up they will be impressed because of their misconceptions. Sometimes I will say something about how the situation reminded me of my dog who passed away a year or so ago and it got the better of me for a moment.  White lie, yes, but the face saving and bonding is important.

 

Keep at the freelance stuff as best as you can and one of these days everything will just click in and it will feel totally natural.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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4,5 years is a really long time to be in this struggle!! I so understand you are sick of it and that it can be tough to keep up the good spirits!! I know! 

 

I'm working just a little bit. This week so far - just one hour..... Last week I guess it was four hours. About a month ago I managed maybe twelve hours per week and that's the best in 2,5 years.... It's a struggle. 

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Thankyou Brass for that post. It's so good to hear how others tackle this shattered situation. Wd is so hard.

I have done a lot during wd. Moved, traveled, worked. But on this last mg everything is very hard. I dont trust my usual pattern. I also got new symtoms, like burning feeling under my skin, numbed arms. And a short feeling like I am going to faint. These symptoms often come some hours after taking the dose.

 

Yes, it's a struggle, Mjau. I hope you will feel better and better.

 

Today: Brain fog, bad stomach and "empty" head.

Just tell myself "I am healing, I am healing..." I sit in the sun and try to relax. The breeze is calming.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

Link to comment

Head aches and dizzy. But the worst thing is the feeling of hopelessness and impatience. I have this "real" me inside me that want to do all these possible things around me. Work, socialize with friends, travel. I just cant wait. But this body of drugs hold me back. I just dont know how to keep the spirit going...

To be able to get glimpses of the life I want I hide the druggy side of me, tell noone but my really closest ones. I try to work (as a free lance) but its actually just pretending still.

I went to yoga the other day, we meditated, the mantra was about being true to one self, and it just made me cry. I am trying so hard to let people have this image of me, I dont want to be seen as a victim and someone to feel pity for, but I cant hold it together. It takes so much energy.

But I dont want to open up and show my vulnerability to everyone either. That would make me sink even deeper, I believe. And I need a lot of integrity. If I am going to succed with this wd I have to believe in the strenght in me. I just dont know how to do it.

I would love comments on this topic, I am sure many of you recognize it.

 

Oh Amy I know this feeling all too well. I've been tapering for so freaking long and I just keep waiting for the day I can finally live and yet life is actually passing me by. I'm not even close to being off! Although, at the same time, I'm closer than I've ever been. I turned 36 a couple of weeks ago and have been in a depression/panic ever since because I realize more than ever how much I've lost in this process. How much of a diminished life I lead. I've barely worked and I managed a job for some months recently and it was a huge help to my self esteem but I was only able to do it because it was mostly from home, once I was told I would have to work full time at the office I knew I wouldn't be able to do it since WD has caused me to be unable to sleep if I have to be somewhere early the next day. When I went to the office it was usually on 0-3 hours sleep. The normal stress gave me all day, every day headaches too which then made work very difficult.

 

Also, I'm single because I can't be a "normal" girlfriend. I'm able to socialize one week a month if I'm lucky. When I feel ill I have to isolate, etc. I'm at least able to casually date from time to time but, like you said, I have to fake being normal. I have told a few dates about my AD struggles and none of them took it seriously and one actually implied I use it as an excuse. Who knows, maybe he's right.

 

I don't have a child because 1) you need a relationship first 2) I'm scared the pregnancy would cause me to crash 3) I can't subject a baby to this poison! And my time is quickly running out if it hasn't already passed me by.

 

I can't travel because of the sleep thing of course and I've had bad experiences in the past when I tried that have scared me off from trying again. Although, I'm actually considering a short trip in the near future and will just try to deal with whatever happens. So I do try and push myself when I can.

 

I'm able to socialize a couple of times a month but of course I can't just have a drink like a normal person. Funny how people rely on coffee to get them up for work and then alcohol to help them wind down from it. They can also exercise to relieve stress. I can't do any of those things!! Sometimes I am able to exercise with only a moderate increase in anxiety and other times it can ruin me for over a week.

 

I could go on and on obviously (and I did) but you get the idea.

 

I'm just glad that you can see the end in sight! That is huge and I know you will see major improvements when you have been off some time. It's discouraging to see so many people struggle with 1mg and under since I always figured I would ditch at 1mg! So that's adding another decade or so to my taper lol. I know at PP they seemed to have a theory that staying on such a low dose was confusing to the brain and maybe that's why people sometimes had issues with it and that it was better to ditch at that point than to continue the taper. Of course it was all anecdotal evidence. It boggles the mind that such a minuscule dose is still having so much of an impact. Damn these drugs!

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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Hi Amy, sending you hugs and healing thoughts. You are so close to the end! You are such a strong person. You ARE healing and you will get through this rough spot. And Andy is right, you will inspire others including me.

Trying to get off Paxil since 2007. Was tapering by 0.1 mg every 4-5 weeks. Had awful crash in November 2015 at .5 mg; updosed gradually to 2 mg. 

 

Doing better and tapering again, much slower this time.  2016: Dropped from 2 mg to 1.62 mg.  2017:  1.62 mg to 1.2 mg. 2018: 1.2 mg to .76 mg. 2019: .76 mg to .56 mg. 2020: .56 mg to .33 mg. 2021: .33 mg to .13 mg. 2022: .13 mg to .03 mg. 6/12/23 .002 mg. OFF PAXIL 9/4/23

 

Started Klonopin in November 2015 to deal with crash. 1/10/16 started milk titration taper from .5 mg. Finished taper 12/6/17. Still take Klonopin for agoraphobia 2 - 3 times a week. 

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Hi Amy,

Just want to send hugs and comfort to you.

 

I consider our micro tapering a milder version of the healing process from CTing, but further complicated by the dose change along the way. So it should be expected for some waves but even for CTing, they will be followed by windows.

 

Just hang in a bit, I am sure you will get it over soon and feel better. Just believe they are only part of the process.

 

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Dear Ladybug, Rachelina and Lex. Thank you so much for your posts. They meant so much to me. I am not able to respond in the way I want today. I have a really bad day. Feel really sick. My brain hurts, threw up this morning. I tend to catastrophize, not good. I have to take good care of my thoughts now.

Stressors: My "work", and talking to my father yesterday. My mother has Alzheimers (quite severe now), she is living at home with him but yesterday my father said he cant cope anymore and wants to look for additional care for her some weeks. It breaks my heart.

 

Hug you all back!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Ladybug, you are so young! You have the whole life in front of you. I know wd feels like forever, but look at where you are, 5 mg, that is such an accomplishment. It's so unfair though what the drugs do to us. I have followed you from PP and I know you have been really patient and cautious. One day you will be off!

And about babies, it's not unusal today that women give birth after 40, you know. Try not to be stressed about that.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

And about when to ditch...Me too, I thought I would stop at 1 mg. I guess I am extremely sensitive.

Take care, be kind to your self. You will be fine.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Lexanger, about micro taper - I hope it's not like ct. I hope it's more milder to the brain. But I guess it's some kind of a stress to drop so regulary. But it's hard to know what else to do in our cases. If I hold too long I feel worse. Right now I am wondering what I should do. I have such a headache and have been in bed all day. But it's not the kind of headaches I use to have. This is more like migraine. Would a drop ease? I will wait at least until Monday before I decide, I think.

I hope you are ok. Take care.

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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