Celeste - Struggling with Prolonged Withdrawal Syndrome

[Celeste]

Hi All..I have been off meds completely for about 3 years now but have been struggling with prolonged withdrawal. As my signature states, I was on antidepressants off and on for about 7-8 years. My last round with ADs (Zoloft) was my longest bout and had the most devastating withdrawal. I was on 50 mg of Zoloft for just over 2 years. I got on because I came home from college for the summer and had a near nervous breakdown.

 

I went to the doctors and was prescribed Zoloft. The intense anxiety I was feeling completely went away and I felt really stable for the next 2 years. I wanted to come off for a couple reasons..I did not want to be dependent on a drug and I also didn't feel like constantly putting these chemicals in my body was the best thing for me.

 

My therapist thought I was stable enough so I talked to my doctor and she told me to take about 3 weeks to a month to taper by decreasing at 50%. I knew this was too fast with my history of ADs so I still tapered at 50% but a lot slower. I felt pretty stable until the last decreases which was where I was taking about 6 mg every few days. I felt extremely irritable and stressed out but kept on anyway because I thought that was just the nature of the beast.

 

When I was completely off, most withdrawal symptoms were cognitive- brain fog, poor concentration, poor memory, depression. I was also trying to start my teaching career so this stress added to the WD. I was feeling pretty depressed and frustrated with these symptoms in February so I decided I needed my meds still.

 

I went on Celexa but had a horrible reaction. As stated in my signature, I felt terrified most of the time and could not sleep after about three weeks after taking it. I'd taken Celexa before so I couldn't understand why I was so sensitive to it. I now attribute this to the prolonged withdrawal syndrome. To make a long story short, I thought I was just depressed and would be that way for the rest of my life until about 2 years after being off meds where I came across the site Beyondmeds.com.

 

Monica's (writer of the blog) site was my saving grace. Her explanation of what she went through with meds and of prolonged withdrawal syndrome helped me to make sense of what was going on with me. I've been able to heal more profoundly after understanding what was going on. Monica's site was what led me to this site. I'm very happy to have found it. It has been hard having no one to connect with about these issues. When I do try to explain to most people, I often receive the suggestion of getting back on my medication which is how I got where I'm at to begin with! Thank you in advance for reading my story!

[Skylarblue75]

Just wanted to say hi, fellow protracted, 30 months. Still suffering greatly. Sounds like you went on the meds Merry go round like the rest of us here. A mod will stop by soon. Welcome

[dalsaan]

Hi Celeste,

 

Welcome to the forum.   That's some journey you have been on but I'm glad you have found some fellow travellers who can empathise and provide support.

 

What symptoms do you have now and do you have any questions/issues we might be able to help with?

 

Dalsaan

[mammaP]

Hi Celeste, welcome to SA. There are lots of informative topics here on withdrawal syndrome and people have 

shared what helps them. You will find them in the symptoms and self care section of the site. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Many people find that magnesium helps http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

And good quality fish oil. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

Any questions, fire away! 

[Celeste]

Thank you for responding Skylarblue, dalsaan, and mammaP!

 

Skylarblue- I'm so sorry to hear you're still suffering greatly. what kind of symptoms are you still suffering? A lot of mine have subsided since the beginning fortunately. The brain fog and depression was hardest to deal with and has cleared up--I can think very clearly now. This seemed to clear up  from the help of a combination of things. I had to change my environment..this meant leaving teaching. I took the pressure of teaching off my shoulders and this really helped. The stress from the job and the pressure of succeeding from myself with making the WD worse. I was basing my self worth off of succeeding in teaching and this had to change. Meditation and journaling also helped me to process and work through a lot of oppressive emotional trauma. This is probably what I needed to do before any of the meds. If I only knew then what I know.  

 

dalsaan- the main sympton I still deal with is hypersensitivity of the nervous system which branches out to a bunch of other symptoms. The mains ones I struggle with are:

 

* sensitivity to exercise-this one is really awful because before WD I used to LOVE to run. I would get the most amazing runner's high. Now I get extremely stressed out while running. My body begins to itch and the cortisol or some other stress chemical releases and it feel maddening. It's absolutely intolerable. This happens when I walk too. I would really like to find some other kind of exercise that isn't so stressful and stimulating.

 

* low capacity to handle stress- I am extremely sensitive to stress now. I shut down if there is too much. I got married a few months ago and the planning process was extremely stressful. It was a fair sized wedding-140 people. I am still recovering from this. 

 

* Fibryomalgia-type pains- about a year after WD I developed these pains. I started an accelerated program for a degree and the stress was so intense these pains started to develop. I had to quit after 2 months. They have been present for about two years and come up when I am stressed or overstimulated. They mostly occur in my wrists, elbows, and shoulders.

 

* chronic fatigue-I really have to watch how much I do. I am only working about three days a week now. I work at a very busy restaurant where there is a lot of stimulation. I have worked 5-day weeks a handful of times. When I do, I am left recovering on the couch for the next two days barely able to do anything. I always had the endurance to handle hard work before WD.

 

* low capacity for social interaction- this one is also really hard because I had a very rich social life before WD. I can only handle so much now because too much interaction leaves me very fatigued. I used to be able to be around people much of the time. Now outside of work and living with my husband, I can only meet up with people 1-3 times per week. It feels isolating. 

 

I don't have any questions at this point but I am considering implementing meat into my diet. I've been a vegetarian for about 6 years. Has anyone found that meat helped to heal their nervous system?

 

mammaP- thank you for those suggestions! I will definitely look into those and  start low because I am so sensitive to supplements. I've tried vitamin b12 and it gave me awful panic attacks.

 

Thanks again everyone for the support! 

[Skylarblue75]

Hey, Celeste, I have sooo many symptoms. I probably would have been further into healing by now if I didn't do the Merry go round of drugs for almost the past 2 years. Currently I'm 2 years off 4 months use benzos and 8 months off my last try at an a/d lexapro. Every med I've tried I have paradoxal reactions to. Now I m so sensitive to foods, supplements, ect. I'm so discouraged and done feeling like garbage and feel like I'm losing my mind. At this rate I'll be in my 50's if I ever heal.

[mammaP]

The question about meat, yes it can help a lot! The GAPS diet seems to help a lot of people and 

that is based on protein from meat. It is very basic food, organic where possible and nothing processed.

It helped me a great deal but it was hard to get used to not eating many carbs! 

Meat soups and broth are very soothing on the stomach and seem to be calming too. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/890-scdgapspaleo-diets/

[Celeste]

Hi all. I really need some input here. I want to preface by stating that I'm four years off SSRIs but have protracted withdrawal syndrome and have a pretty sensitive nervous system. For the past year I was working at a restaurant that was really aggravating my Fibromyalgia symptoms so I saved money and decided to take a year off to travel...thought it would help. Big mistake...it was super stressful not having stability of a home. My husband and I moved out of our apartment. This is something that I liked to do before protracted withdrawal. We decided to move back home after 2 months. Making the decision was very stressful. We spent another very stressful month at my Mom's while looking an apartment. We finally found a place to live with roommates...did this so it was cheaper and I could take some time off work. It has been pretty stressful getting used to living with people...haven't done it in five years. Anyway...a week after I moved in I took a temporary job. So I took 0.5 mg of Klonopin on Sun, August 23 and Tues, August 25. I had an anxiety attack on Wed the 26 and felt anxious for a couple days. Maybe a week or so later my chonic fatigue and fibromyalgia got pretty bad. Now I'm feeling pretty anxious...feeling like I'm having a nervous breakdown which is not uncommon for me with big changes and lots of stress. I'm wondering if my anxiety now is from all of the stress of moving around and not knowing where I'm going to live or is it withdrawal from the Klonopin? Would I have detoxed after 2 days spaced 1 day apart?? Ive been taking intermittenly for about a year and rarely take doses that close. The last dose I took before those 2 was 3 week priors to the Sunday dose. Like I said, I've had a few nervous breakdowns before after big changes. My mind is so sensitive right now. This past Friday, I read on this site that someone stopped sleeping from protracted withdrawal and became afraid that would happen to me. I didn't sleep that night and have barely slept Sat and Sun. Now I'm obsessing about being addicted to the Klonopin which I don't think is the case but when I'm having a nervous breakdown I become irrational and it's very hard to tell. During a previous nervous breakdown, I convinced myself I had AIDS. Sorry if I sound crazy. I'm just wondering if I could've become seriously addicted after two doses close together or its more likely that Im crashing from all the stress and having a setback. I already have SSRI withdrawal sydrome..just scared of developing benzo withdrawal syndrome..please help.

[dalsaan]

I think you have crashed your system with a lot of stress. I don't think taking two doses close together means you have became addicted, You need to find a non drug strategy to deal with your anxiety. Have a go at this and come back and tell us how it went

 

[Celeste]

Hi Dalsaan. Thanks so much for the response. I will try this. I'm dealing with a little more than anxiety right now..I've barely slept in three days and also very sensitive to noise and interaction with people. I just can't seem to relax. I guess that is part of the crash?? Sorry still obsessing about this... Definitely don't want to to mess with  drug therapy anymore.

[Celeste]

Also the constant ruminating is making me nauseated to the point of diarrea at times

[dalsaan]

If you haven't slept in three days because you read on here that someone stopped sleeping that tells you the power of the mind. You would do well to develop mindfulness and distracting yourself/changing the channel of what's going on in your mind. These things will make a big difference but only you can do it

 

First step, go through the video, focussing your attention on following the routine

 

Dalsaan

[Petunia]

I'm sorry to hear that you have 'crashed' Celeste. With everything you have been going through, its not surprising.  I agree with Dalsaan, this is most likely a response to an overload of stress on an already sensitized nervous system.

 

I have some experience of taking a benzo irregularly when already in withdrawal. It can have paradoxical effects, increase anxiety and cause further instability. Better to find non-drug ways to manage anxiety.

 

I'm dealing with a little more than anxiety right now..I've barely slept in three days and also very sensitive to noise and interaction with people. I just can't seem to relax.

 

These symptoms are typical of a hyper-stimulated nervous system, which can be caused by withdrawal in the acute stages, but also increased, ongoing stress. Our nervous systems are generally quite resilient, but as someone here sometimes writes, they are not made of rubber and have their limits... or something like that.

 

I crashed my nervous system through a combination of long term antidepressant use, withdrawal, ongoing lifestyle stress, more drugs to try and fix the symptoms and then even more stress as I tried to fix the stressful situation I was in. Similar in a way to what you have been going though.

 

When we enter into a fight with our own body, trying to push it beyond what its capable of, the body always wins. If we don't slow down and take care of ourselves, eventually, things start to 'break' and our life is brought to a halt. Then we have no choice but to take a look and make some changes to the way we have been living. Everyone is different in how long it takes and how much stress can be endured before reaching this point.

 

If the Qi Gong in the video Dalsaan posted helps you to relax and calm down, that's great, keep doing it. To recover from this set-back you are going to have to find ways to reduce stress and calm your nervous system, so that it can begin to heal again.

 

Avoid anything which makes you feel worse, including noisy environments, difficult people, basically anything which increases symptoms. It may take a while before you settle down again, you will need to find what kinds of things help you to feel calmer and keep doing them.

 

How is your diet? Many people find giving up alcohol, caffeine and processed foods helps. Eating a clean, natural diet based on fresh organic meats, fruits and vegetables generally helps. Are you currently taking any supplements?

 

Here are some links with important information and plenty of ideas to try:

 

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms ...

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

[Celeste]

Thanks so much for the response Petunia and Dalsaan. Both were very helpful. I felt reassured after receiving the response from Dalsaan yesterday and was able to stop ruminating and actually sleep good last night so I know that what that was from. I did try the video and felt a bit more relaxed and energized after. How long did it take you to recover from your crash Petunia? This is rough...my nerves just feel shot..I don't even know how to explain the sensation. It is overstimulating to watch TV or just talk sometimes. I never felt like this...not even in acute withdrawal. I guess this has been a long time coming...have been pushing for too long and very hard especially these past few months. There is part of me that has not accepted the acquired limitations that have come with protracted withdrawal...lesson learned hopefully this time. In response to diet...I'm eating mostly a mostly organic, vegan diet. I have some dietary limitations because of the histamine intolerance that I've developed in protracted withdrawal...cut out caffeine and alcohol for the most part other than occasional use. When I was super stressed leading up to this crash I was eating terribly (to cope with the stress)...eating out at restaurants a lot, processed junk food, dairy. The way my nerves are now I'm not very interested in food and have to make myself eat but am eating organic and vegan like I said. Thank you again.

[Celeste]

Also in response to supplements...I'm taking a multivitamin. I've tried 500 mcg of B12 and had a horrible anxiety after a few days. I also recently tried magnesium citrate...about 20 mg and gave me horrible stomach cramps and diarrea. I'm almost sure I have gut issues so would like to try Magnesium in other forms.

[chicken]

Also in response to supplements...I'm taking a multivitamin. I've tried 500 mcg of B12 and had a horrible anxiety after a few days. I also recently tried magnesium citrate...about 20 mg and gave me horrible stomach cramps and diarrea. I'm almost sure I have gut issues so would like to try Magnesium in other forms.

Celeste,

Aside from the problems you have from the magnesium, does it help with the withdrawal any?

[Celeste]

Hi Chicken, I'm not sure because I only took it the one time. I didn't want to try again after the bad side effects. I have used Magnesium salts and Epsom salts in the bathtub before and that was helpful but I don't have a tub at my current apartment I plan on trying magnesium oil to see how that works for me.

[Altostrata]

Hello, Celeste.

 

Yes, many people whose nervous systems have been sensitized by withdrawal cannot tolerate B vitamins.

 

It sounds like magnesium oil may be a better route for you.

[Celeste]

Hi All,

 

I have a question about setbacks. I am a little over four years off SSRIs but am experiencing a very intense setback/crash since around August/September. I made a post on my intro forum about how I got here on September 28. Since then, I've had more stressful events which probably didn't help. I had to move again in October because I had a horrible slumlord situation and my stepfather suddenly passed from a stroke on November 1. 

 

Anyway, my question is I'm wondering if anyone else has had such a setback being so far off of drugs. I had been off of SSRIs for 4 years and the symptoms that came with this setback are the worst I ever had. They do ebb and flow though. I had very intense anxiety-obsessive and intrusive thoughts but that seemed to clear up. I also had a lot of inner chaos-like a constant buzzing but that seemed to clear up for the most part. 

 

There are some things that haven't cleared up though. My motor skills seem off..especially fine motor skills. If I have to pick up or handle smaller items, there is a rigidity with my hands and wrists. I've had this problem before with stress but it is pretty exasperated with this setback. This ebbs and flows. Another issue that is worse is speech. Sometimes I get odd sensations in my face and it makes it difficult to talk. I have even slurred and lisped. I have had this sensation in my face before when I would get stressed out. It is just very exasperated now. These symptoms seem worse when I am too sedentary now.

 

So again, just wondering if anyone has experienced such a rough setback/crash being off of drugs for so long. Thanks!

[Bam]

Hi Celeste

 

In answer to your question yes I had a big set back around the same time off as yourself the first thing I thought tbh was has there been any recent stressful events and reading about your step father and the move answered that.Sorry to hear about your step father.

 

When you look at it you've been through two highly stressful things so it's not surprising you have hit a glitch in your recovery.

 

When mine hit I didn't really understand that when your in protracted withdrawal things can hit us harder than we realise especially when your well on the road to recovery.

 

I know how upsetting this can be thinking for gods sake I thought I was through this etc.But don't worry its not going to take anywhere near the time to get things back on track as it use to.

 

What ever methods you used to get you through the last 4 years of withdrawal worked before and will work now.

 

I hit a few setbacks over the years and sometimes it was due to me taking my foot off the gas or not keeping up with my recovery plan etc.But I always came back from them and you will do the same.

 

Don't be hard on yourself its a natural response to whats happened unfortunately when we are in withdrawal it hits us harder

 

Keep focusing on you have got 4 years of withdrawal under your belt and done amazing to get here and you will get through this set back I have no doubt of that.

[Celeste]

Hi Celeste

 

In answer to your question yes I had a big set back around the same time off as yourself the first thing I thought tbh was has there been any recent stressful events and reading about your step father and the move answered that.Sorry to hear about your step father.

 

When you look at it you've been through two highly stressful things so it's not surprising you have hit a glitch in your recovery.

 

When mine hit I didn't really understand that when your in protracted withdrawal things can hit us harder than we realise especially when your well on the road to recovery.

 

I know how upsetting this can be thinking for gods sake I thought I was through this etc.But don't worry its not going to take anywhere near the time to get things back on track as it use to.

 

What ever methods you used to get you through the last 4 years of withdrawal worked before and will work now.

 

I hit a few setbacks over the years and sometimes it was due to me taking my foot off the gas or not keeping up with my recovery plan etc.But I always came back from them and you will do the same.

 

Don't be hard on yourself its a natural response to whats happened unfortunately when we are in withdrawal it hits us harder

 

Keep focusing on you have got 4 years of withdrawal under your belt and done amazing to get here and you will get through this set back I have no doubt of that.

 

Thanks so much Bam...I need all the encouragement I can get right now. I really appreciate the response! I guess what is concerning to me is that my symptoms that have come with this setback are worse than ever..even worse than when I was in withdrawal. The neurological stuff I'm experiencing that I talked about in my post are a little scary. Just curious if this happened to you as well...

[Bam]

Celeste I just know how demoralising hitting a set back this far along can be, but in another way I know they can be overcome so there is a silver lining

 

My symptoms did hit very hard my anxiety was at a level I hadn't experienced before almost constant throughout the day

 

I also suffered from slurry speech and feeling of a big delay from my brain to my muscles when trying to perform any basic tasks the only phrase I can use to describe it was punch drunk.My eyesight also became very bad I found it difficult to read things and concentration was basically non existent.

 

I do understand how scary all this can be but be careful not to let the fear fuel the anxiety as it makes everything worse as you will know.

 

Tbh its not surprising things have gone a bit off track you've had a situation with your landlord that will have been chipping away at you for months and then the sudden passing of your step father.I mean lets be hsonest these events would have had a huge effect on anyone let alone someone who is in protracted withdrawal.

 

It was like I said give yourself a break everything at the momement will still be understandably very raw and just because things feel worse than before you are not back to square one far from it.

 

 

Just give yourself time to heal is all I am saying you've been through a very upsetting time that would effect anyone

[Celeste]

Hi Bam, thanks for going into detail. My concern was that I dug my hole deeper so those details really helped! Punch drunk is a good way to describe how I feel. I also had the worst anxiety I've ever experienced...incredibly intrusive thoughts. Your signature says that after 6 years your at least 95% recovered so that is pretty hopeful for my case!

[Celeste]

Ugghh I need some input! I was taking apple cider vinegar for like a week for a UTI but what I didn't realize is that it's also a great antifungal for Candida which I have. I started to feel really bad symptoms from what I believe is "die off." Chills, night sweats, headache, GI issues. I think my system was a little too sensitive to handle it. I got a massage yesterday and it seemed to stimulate me..not relax me. And then last night i felt too stimulated to sleep. Please help!

[Celeste]

The apple cider vinegar was for uti...auto correct

[Fresh]

Celeste , that's terrible news , I'm so sorry.    ACV is a probiotic , sounds like it's triggered things off!

 

Are there any go-to's that you know are relaxing that your nervous system responds to . . . chamomile , lavender oil?

 

Did you ever try magnesium oil or a mag. foot-bath ?

[Celeste]

Hey thanks for responding Fresh. Massage is usually helpful but like I said it made me sick and was too stimulating. My nerves just feel kind of raw right now. Just more or less looking for some validation that things will calm down and pass.

[Fresh]

Well of course they will , that's a given , you know that.  You need to go back to being extra gentle and nurturing with

yourself for now.   And the massage was an attempt at that , so you're on the right track.

 

I added the question about magnesium above later , the foot baths can help.

 

All the things you've done in the past to help get through the rough spots are still there . . . . this is a matter of sitting things

out until the symptoms go and the calm returns.

 

[btdt]

I have experienced the flare of symptoms and had new ones added too.  I like to think of it as the rubic cube thing again.... and I too was a bit taken back when it happened far into wd.  It is what it is and some of us are going to take longer however you have had a lot of change and upset in the past while along with a drug.  It is all understandable to me. I am sure your trying to be supportive to your family too but the truth is you have to look after yourself first to be helpful to them.  

 

I have my own tool box and since you got this far I know you have a tool box too... take a look in there and dig out the tools you want to use.  Most I like have already been posted but I will add a couple to jump start you in case you don't have them already. 

 

Heat on the spine cold on the neck for body pain... my own trick.  Hot baths everybody trick  

Quiet walks in nature.  

Watching intently for the next thought to stop ruminating ... when a thought comes go back and repeat in time it works like magic.

Veggies lots of water all bran greens and beets not sure why but often that is what works for me sometimes if I can't eat I drink ensure. 

This video 

I wonder how many of those 5 million views are mine

I wish you peace

[Celeste]

Thanks so much Fresh and btdt. Fresh I have yet to try mag oil but would really like to..I love Epsom salt baths..they really help. I do know this will pass..just hard because I don't feel like I can do a whole lot to relieve symptoms. Nerves just feel very raw and sensitive. I guess it's just a matter of sitting them out until they ease like you said.

 

I have been struggling with a major setback since September. I understand how it happened...too much stress and instability. My system just feels so delicate now. I was feeling better around Dec but very anxious so i went back to work waiting tables 3 days a week and it's just too much. Feeling worse again..developed some rough GI issues about a month ago and now the ACV has me really set off.

 

Thanks for your input btdt and all of your suggestions. The video helped a bunch today. I definitely feel like I'm readjusting the rubiks cube. Was there anything in particular that caused your flare up?

[btdt]

oh my hearing all the crap that goes on in my life will set you off for sure....my own drug reactions as I react to everything now multiple chemical sensitivity...  deaths car accident murders illnesses family on drugs surgeries mine and other peoples ... 

 

more people I love damaged and dying from drugs... 

 

you really don't want to know. 

[Celeste]

Thank you Btdt..you're right. I probably would have been set off. I'm sorry and I wish you peace as well.

 

Still feeling very overstimulated and hyperarousal. Ive barely been sleeping. Hope this goes away soon.

[Celeste]

Ugghh symptoms have only gotten worse. I imagine my work is contributing. I work at a very busy restaurant that is non-stop and very loud. I thought working only 1 day a week would help. Every time I work symptoms become worse and feels like I'm being broken down further. My nerves are so sensitive and raw right now. Its hard to be around more than a few people, drive, watch tv, etc. I also have this internal chaos/vibration all over my body. The only thing that minimizes it is lying in a dark, quiet room. I'm going to have to take some time off work again and probably look for something different in the long run. I think the apple cider vinegar treatment set me off but also had a fair amount of stress leading up and was drinking coffee to push myself through it. Ughh please tell me this calms down!!

[Fresh]

It will calm down Celeste.   Some people find coffee literally tips them over the edge with agitation - I guess the coffee

contributed.

[Celeste]

Thanks again Fresh. Sorry I'm being neurotic..I'm basically nonfunctional right now so it's kind of scary. The coffee didn't necessarily make me feel agitated..it gave me energy almost to a "speedlike" effect but i think using it to push myself contributed to this crash. Its disheartening because I crashed in September and was recovering felt pretty good by December and then was stressing myself out and doing the same crap to find myself crashed again only harder.

[Celeste]

Hello again. So symptoms from this crash have not seemed to plataeu yet. A tough one I am dealing with is hypersensitivity to sound. Can't watch any tv/videos. Sometimes talking to my husband or on the phone is a challenge. Even him moving around the apartment is challenging at times and disturbing. This seems to ebb and flow throughout the day. I've been hibernating in my apartment mostly in my dark bedroom minimizing stimulation. Just confused on what the best action is to help things along and wanted some input. Am I supposed to quarantine myself until this passes or is that making it worse?