apace41: tapering Zoloft / sertraline

[apace41]

2 hours ago, Flowers said:

I wish I could make this go away for you but the only thing I can do is offer you words of comfort and encouragement.

 

You are sweet, Flowers. I SO appreciate that.

 

2 hours ago, Flowers said:

What else can you do to distract and relax? Listen to music, watch a favourite film. I expect you have thought of all of this already!

 

I usually wind up reading things on the site or other sites.  I read success stories and listen to calming music and binaural beats. I also do lots of worrying, thinking "how is this happening?", going to the bathroom, trying to sleep without success, etc.

 

It's an ugly mixed bag to be honest.

 

Pain is in my hips, legs, back, chest.  I use some magnesium oil but it doesn't really change much.  A lot of this is "w/d pain" in that it is not related to a physical issue and is the result of neurons firing off for no good reason.  Those are not as responsive to mag oil.

 

Thanks for your kind words, Flowers.

 

xo,

 

Andy

[Marsha]

Hi Andy. Hoping you have some better days ahead. You will. Today I focused on using the left hemisphere of my brain. I tend to be in the right hemisphere much of the time really by default but I am working on getting old hezzie up there working again. I fall flat on my face a lot and worry worry worry then pain cortisol dry mouth gi upset the whole gamut. Sometimes well lots of times at night during these times i just lay there and just kind of laugh at myself and say ok here we go again.. And then just oh well. Better days and nights will come and they do.  

[apace41]

Thanks for the encouraging words, Marsha, and for the visit.

 

I will try naming my hemispheres if it helps!

 

Best,

 

Andy

[AmyK]

Hugs to you, Andy. I hope you will feel better soon. 

[apace41]

4 hours ago, AmyK said:

Hugs to you, Andy. I hope you will feel better soon. 

 

Thanks, Amy.  Right back at you.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[elbee]

Hey Andy I'm still following your feed and thinking of you

 

 

[apace41]

Thanks, Elbee.  I'm following you as well.

 

Glad your hold is paying dividends.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Frogie]

Hi Andy:

 

Just stopped by to say.

 

Hope you are doing better.

 

I'm a mess, but as they say "sh** only flows down" hopefully mine is over.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[apace41]

4 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I'm a mess, but as they say "sh** only flows down" hopefully mine is over.

 

Thanks for the visit, Frogie.  I hope things work out okay with Brownie.  I know you care deeply and I'm sorry it is a difficult time.

 

I'm doing okay.  Up and down but hanging in there.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Frogie]

12 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

Thanks for the visit, Frogie.  I hope things work out okay with Brownie.  I know you care deeply and I'm sorry it is a difficult time.

 

I'm doing okay.  Up and down but hanging in there.

 

Best,

 

Andy

I talked to my vet this morning. Brownie, my chihuahua, had never been to the vet that I took her to before. My vet is trying an antibiotic and see if that will help. She said that the blood was drawn when she was sick and very dehydrated so this may help. She doesn't give up on my baby. She loves her almost as much as me. She has chihuahuas too. Let's just pray please.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

P.S. I have a question for you. When my teeth were bad I cried and spent money to have them fixed without a second opinion. Now we've spent that money for nothing. I've been doing nothing but crying about Brownie since all this started. My fiancé says I need to stop the crying now and stop and think. Is that WD? Or am I just being a baby?

 

Thanks again...

[Flowers]

How have things been Andy?

 

Any improvement with the sleep?

 

Flowers xxx

[apace41]

On 9/2/2017 at 3:53 PM, Flowers said:

How have things been Andy?

 

Any improvement with the sleep?

 

Thanks for checking in, Flowers.  

 

I've seen some improvement since the really bad patch a week ago.  Got through my trip to Boston to drop off my daughter and the 17 hours of driving associated with it.  Settled her in and spent 2 full days fitting out her apartment.  Exhausting but she was pleased.

 

I had suffered through two essentially sleepless nights right before driving up so it was all I could do to stay awake for the drive up.  I got a second (and third) wind, however, and was able to get through it.  That night in the hotel I took a 1/2 of a hydroxyzine tablet (which I have reserved for periods of complete insomnia) and I fell asleep at 10 and woke up at 7:30.  I can't remember the last time I got that kind of sleep.  I felt like a zombie upon awakening but my head cleared and I had a truly good day for the first time in a long time last Tuesday.  It reinforced for me the fact that sleep and well-being throughout this process are intricately interwoven.  It is tempting to use the medicine more often but I know that it would turn paradoxical and that overuse of antihistamines in w/d is a BAD IDEA generally.  So, I reserve it for "special occasions."  

 

The good news is that it seems to have "broken the cycle" of insomnia I was in and I am back to fair, albeit unrefreshing, sleep of about 5-6 hours a night.  Not great but better than the washout days of no sleep.  The other good news is that last Tuesday, while a one-off and perhaps drug induced, was the first day I've had in months that I could realistically view as a "mini-window."  So, I'm going to hold onto that day as a reminder that I am capable of healing (easier said than done in the bad moments).

 

Thanks again for checking in, Flowers, and so happy you had a nice window on your holiday.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Shep]

38 minutes ago, apace41 said:

The good news is that it seems to have "broken the cycle" of insomnia I was in and I am back to fair, albeit unrefreshing, sleep of about 5-6 hours a night.  Not great but better than the washout days of no sleep.  The other good news is that last Tuesday, while a one-off and perhaps drug induced, was the first day I've had in months that I could realistically view as a "mini-window."  So, I'm going to hold onto that day as a reminder that I am capable of healing (easier said than done in the bad moments).

 

This is a post to either bookmark or print out. Congrats on finally getting a window, albeit a mini-window. That quietens the voices (or screams) of existential crisis brought on by thoughts of permanence. 

 

Now, please slow down! I worry about these kinds of windows that come when we "force" it (i.e. the use of other drugs), so it's important to keep the concept of "pacing yourself for the long run" in mind.  We don't know where future waves come from, but I wonder about the influence of forced windows in their creation. A window propped up this way seems different than windows that organically occur as baseline improvements happen. That speaks to building a solid foundation first. Just a thought. 

 

Sorry for being a nag and the voice from the "no drugs" crowd, but I really hope you're able to slow the pace down and nurture your CNS so you don't hit these kinds of crisis states.  Just posting out of concern.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I'm glad you broke the cycle. 

 

 

[apace41]

1 minute ago, Shep said:

Now, please slow down! I worry about these kinds of windows that come when we "force" it (i.e. the use of other drugs), so it's important to keep the concept of "pacing yourself for the long run" in mind.  We don't know where future waves come from, but I wonder about the influence of forced windows in their creation. A window propped up this way seems different than windows that organically occur as baseline improvements happen. That speaks to building a solid foundation first. Just a thought. 

 

As always, Shep, I appreciate your concern and I fully intend to slow down as best as I can (outside forces limit this as, for example, my wife and I spent 6:30pm to 3:30am in the Emergency Room with my mother-in-law after a passing out/TIA/"other" episode).  To allay your concern about excessive drug reliance, I have a prescription for the antihistamine issued when I had my first "zero sleep" period in Spring of 2016 and I have taken a total of 1 and 1/2 pills in the past 18 or so months.  We have to balance risk in this life and my choice was to try to "force" some sleep rather than drive back 7.5 hours without any sleep for 4 days (which was my fear).  The fact that it created a (perhaps artificial) window was not the goal -- merely a by-product that I thought worth chronicling.  I agree with you that it is not the same as a window that "just happens."  As you are aware, I would desperately love one of those.

 

My goal for the next several months is to take more time for myself and hope to develop some patterns that allow me to do that.  In that regard I have returned to my weekly acupuncture and massage sessions (today at 2).  Plan is to also add Epsom salts baths in the evening along with some other wind-down practices.  

 

Again, you are not a nag -- just a concerned friend and I appreciate that.

 

Best,

 

Andy 

[Shep]

This is a very reassuring post, Andy. I'm glad you're going to be taking more time for yourself to heal. And your use of other drugs is very sparse, so I'm glad you noted that. At that rate, you may qualify for the "no drug" crowd yourself. 

 

Sending healing vibes to your mother-in-law. That sounds like a scary experience for everyone involved. I hope she's okay.

 

 

[apace41]

1 minute ago, Shep said:

And your use of other drugs is very sparse, so I'm glad you noted that. At that rate, you may qualify for the "no drug" crowd yourself. 

 

As you put it, I recognized the risk of a crisis and had a good idea that the antihistamine would allow me to avoid that risk.  The risk of having to take a pharmaceutical was a "lesser risk" as I perceived things.  I am very much opposed to the overuse of drugs, but do not believe it is necessary or appropriate to swear off them altogether.  By way of example among the other things we discovered about my mother-in-law when she was in the hospital is that she had a bad bladder infection (which may have caused or contributed to her event).  The use of an antibiotic in that context, especially in a woman in her 80s, is in my view appropriate and important.  I object to the "a pill for every ill" approach that our society has subscribed to, but I think certain medicines have their place when appropriately used with informed consent.

 

5 minutes ago, Shep said:

That sounds like a scary experience for everyone involved. I hope she's okay.

 

Thanks for your thoughts, Shep.  Yes, it was scary.  Especially to be at the same hospital where my father-in-law passed so recently.  Very hard on my wife in particular.  As I said, we are not sure what happened because a TIA would not show up on any kind of scan but there are so many things that would mirror the symptoms of a TIA.  For now, however, she seems fine and has returned to her baseline.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[brassmonkey]

Hi Andy-- I so glad your trip to Boston went so well and you actually got some breaks along the way.  I'm also glad your mother is doing better, that' too scary.  Or course you know that words like TIA and heart attack should never be used in the same sentence as mother. LOL  Watching my parents go through similar was a very wrenching experience, and now as the numbers start adding up I am beginning to wonder how it will be for Monica and I in a few years.  Congratulations on the "mini window" (porthole?) I hope you get another one tomorrow.  Like you I need to slow down a bit, but life keeps getting in the way.

 

I think there are some roses out back that need smelling.

 

Brass

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Andy, 

 

Glad the move went smoothly and everything worked out .  

 

Amazing on having that mini window.  I actually had one myself.  I took 1/2 of 0.25 Xanax yesterday as I had an event to attend and I was so anxious and nervous.  About few hours after that I felt almost normal and that lasted for a few hours .  I guess it was drug induced too, but I was thankful .  We have so many similarities .  Just wanted to share my experience for relevance 

 

hope you are enjoying a day off 

[apace41]

17 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Amazing on having that mini window.  I actually had one myself.  I took 1/2 of 0.25 Xanax yesterday as I had an event to attend and I was so anxious and nervous.  About few hours after that I felt almost normal and that lasted for a few hours .  I guess it was drug induced too, but I was thankful .

 

Thanks for the visit, Blondiee.  Glad to year you had a mini window.  As I told Shep, I will take what I can get.  It was not expected so it was welcome regardless of what brought it on.  

You and I DO have a lot of the same crap going on -- kindred spirits.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Shep]

On 9/4/2017 at 10:58 AM, apace41 said:

As you put it, I recognized the risk of a crisis and had a good idea that the antihistamine would allow me to avoid that risk.  The risk of having to take a pharmaceutical was a "lesser risk" as I perceived things.  I am very much opposed to the overuse of drugs, but do not believe it is necessary or appropriate to swear off them altogether.  By way of example among the other things we discovered about my mother-in-law when she was in the hospital is that she had a bad bladder infection (which may have caused or contributed to her event).  The use of an antibiotic in that context, especially in a woman in her 80s, is in my view appropriate and important.  I object to the "a pill for every ill" approach that our society has subscribed to, but I think certain medicines have their place when appropriately used with informed consent.

 

On 9/4/2017 at 10:58 AM, apace41 said:

For now, however, she seems fine and has returned to her baseline.

 

This journey is such a learning process and as you know, I've gone so far over to the "no drug" camp that I'm not sure I'll make rational decisions.

 

So posts like what you wrote are very helpful to those of us who are trying to find some sort of middle ground.

 

I'm glad your MIL is doing well. I believe you have some major good karma heading your way for all you've done lately to take care of everyone. 

[apace41]

21 minutes ago, Shep said:

This journey is such a learning process and as you know, I've gone so far over to the "no drug" camp that I'm not sure I'll make rational decisions.

 

So posts like what you wrote are very helpful to those of us who are trying to find some sort of middle ground.

 

I'm glad your MIL is doing well. I believe you have some major good karma heading your way for all you've done lately to take care of everyone. 

 

Thanks, Shep.  As Rob Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) would have put it in Jerry Maguire, "show me the Karma, Shep!"

 

LOL.

 

I have not yet responded to your latest update but suffice it to say that I am so pleased and totally "blown away" by your continued progress.  If you are not the poster child for healing from this craziness I don't know who is.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[pug]

Andy,

 

You are an inspiration!  Your guts and gumption are going to get you through this; of that I am confident!  I am so happy to hear that you got a little break, it can really recharge the batteries and renew the hope of a brighter future.

 

Wishing you all the best and continued improvements!

 

pug

[apace41]

On 9/5/2017 at 2:27 PM, pug said:

You are an inspiration!  Your guts and gumption are going to get you through this; of that I am confident!  I am so happy to hear that you got a little break, it can really recharge the batteries and renew the hope of a brighter future.

 

Wishing you all the best and continued improvements!

 

Pug,

 

I simply can't thank you enough for coming to the site and my thread to provide encouragement.  You are back to living and healing minute-by-minute and to take time away from that joy to provide sustenance and support to those of us still stuck in the quagmire is really exceptional.

 

I knew you were a good man when we first met here and my perceptions have proven accurate in spades!

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

On 9/4/2017 at 1:23 PM, brassmonkey said:

Hi Andy-- I so glad your trip to Boston went so well and you actually got some breaks along the way.  I'm also glad your mother is doing better, that' too scary.  Or course you know that words like TIA and heart attack should never be used in the same sentence as mother. LOL  Watching my parents go through similar was a very wrenching experience, and now as the numbers start adding up I am beginning to wonder how it will be for Monica and I in a few years.  Congratulations on the "mini window" (porthole?) I hope you get another one tomorrow.  Like you I need to slow down a bit, but life keeps getting in the way.

 

I think there are some roses out back that need smelling.

 

Thanks for the kind words and visit, Tom.  Yes, it was scary.  Of course, whatever happened was over by the time the EMTs showed up so, of course, she didn't want to go to the hospital, felt fine, and was really pissed at us!  I know we did the right thing, but...

 

As others keep telling me, find time to slow down so you don't run yourself into the ground.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[brassmonkey]

When you look at it life is nothing but the slow process of "running ourselves into the ground". LOL  As long as I'm on the "right side of the grass" I'm happy.

[apace41]

Just now, brassmonkey said:

When you look at it life is nothing but the slow process of "running ourselves into the ground". LOL  As long as I'm on the "right side of the grass" I'm happy.

 

You say a lot of brilliant things, Tom, but this is perhaps your finest moment!

 

 

I may have to borrow this liberally!

 

Best,

 

Andy

[AliG]

I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time lately. I understand  ...   I get it and as one who is also still in the trenches, please hang on ...

Edited September 8, 2017 by AliG

[Flowers]

Ha Ha love the comment from Brass too! Good job we still have retained our sense of humour - it does help to laugh doesn't it?!!

 

You have so much going on lately. So sorry your mother in law had a health scare too! All these things take their toll on people not suffering with WD so think you do amazingly well holding your family together.

 

What a great thing to have a window though Andy. So pleased for you.

 

Keep smiling!

 

Love from Flowers xxx 

[apace41]

19 hours ago, AliG said:

I get it and as one who is also still in the trenches, please hang on ..

 

Thanks, Ali.  I appreciate your concern.

 

Best,

 

Andy 

[apace41]

19 hours ago, Flowers said:

You have so much going on lately. So sorry your mother in law had a health scare too! All these things take their toll on people not suffering with WD so think you do amazingly well holding your family together.

 

Thanks for the kind words, Flowers.  I couldn't agree more with the notion of it taking a toll.

 

19 hours ago, Flowers said:

What a great thing to have a window though Andy. So pleased for you.

 

Thanks.  Only a partial and perhaps drug assisted, but I'll take it anyway.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Martina23]

Andy, please, how can I edit my previous posts?

[apace41]

9 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Andy, please, how can I edit my previous posts?

 

Martina,

 

Members can only edit posts for up to an hour after they post.  The site was designed to avoid having ongoing modifications of posts.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Martina23]

7 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

Martina,

 

Members can only edit posts for up to an hour after they post.  The site was designed to avoid having ongoing modifications of posts.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Hm. That is bad. And can I have some of my posts hidden?

[apace41]

2 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Hm. That is bad. And can I have some of my posts hidden?

 

I don't see why not.  If you no longer want the content out there we should not be in the position of forcing you to keep it up.  Advise a moderator which posts and we can accommodate.

[Martina23]

10 hours ago, apace41 said:

 

I don't see why not.  If you no longer want the content out there we should not be in the position of forcing you to keep it up.  Advise a moderator which posts and we can accommodate.

Hurra! Thank you Andy! You are a darling!

[RachelSusan]

Hi Andy,

 

I've been in a wave for the last month or more, however now that I am feeling a little better I wanted to stop by and thank you.  I had posted about steroids and you were kind enough to respond when I needed to hear from a moderator.  Your thoughtful answer was important for me to hear.  Like I said I am coming out of a wave, and I will be holding for a quite a while before I taper again.

 

I've been reading your thread and it appears that you are currently in a wave yourself, or at least you were a week or two ago.  I hope you manage to come out quickly.  These symptoms we suffer are so excruciating.

 

Warm wishes,

RS