apace41: tapering Zoloft / sertraline

[Happy2Heal]

On 12/13/2017 at 11:12 AM, apace41 said:

Positivity -- I have realized that my negative attitude is contributing in some way to my situation.  While I know I need to be self-compassionate, Happy2Heal reinforced in a PM yesterday how much changing her thoughts has helped her and I know that I need to do that too.  Unfortunately, it's something I SUCK at so it will take some time and effort.

actually I find you to be quite positive, even in the face of a lot of difficulties. It's not easy to keep looking for the good when so much feels bad, and I think there are times when it's appropriate, and maybe even healthy, to wallow in some self pity and give yourself permission to be super super good to yourself.

 

looking for good things is something that EVERYONE needs to work at, because, according to the books I've read on the topic, at least LOL we are designed to pay more attention to the negative, to the threats, it helped up survive back at the beginning of time. So bad stuff sticks better in our minds, as a kind of protection  and good stuff slips away too easily. 

We just need to keep re directing our attention back to the things that are good and that make us feel good. It's very much a learning thing for everyone. 

I find, Once I start on the path of looking for good things, it becomes like a treasure hunt.:) 

even if the negatives in your day to day life seem to outweigh  the positives, that treasure hunt can be a good distraction, at the very least.

:/

On 12/14/2017 at 2:39 PM, brassmonkey said:

What's the old adage, "no good deed goes unpunished".  It happens so often you can't think it's coincidence, but there are so many variables it probably is.  For a while there I was at a point I wouldn't even tell my wife I was feeling better because I'd get slammed the next day. Sorry it had to happen after such a supportive response, hope things settle out soon.

 

oh I have noticed this same thing!I post that things are going well and bam, I have a bad day or a run on not great but not horrible ones, and I wish I'd just kept my mouth shut. 

 

 

when things are rough, Andy,  I find it sometimes helps to remind myself that it means that more healing is going on, and that when the rough patch ends, you are likely going to be a higher level of healing and recovery

 

that seems to be the case for me, at least. and I think others have noticed this same thing.

 

hang in there, and just take it one day or one moment at a time ok

 

 

[apace41]

On 12/16/2017 at 6:52 PM, Happy2Heal said:

when things are rough, Andy,  I find it sometimes helps to remind myself that it means that more healing is going on, and that when the rough patch ends, you are likely going to be a higher level of healing and recovery

 

that seems to be the case for me, at least. and I think others have noticed this same thing.

 

hang in there, and just take it one day or one moment at a time ok

 

 

Thanks for the positive note, H2H.  I appreciate it very much.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Frogie]

On December 18, 2017 at 7:14 AM, apace41 said:

 

Thanks for the positive note, H2H.  I appreciate it very much.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Hi Andy:

 

Just wanted to say hi.

 

I posted on my thread but I've been busy.

 

I hope you have a very Happy Holiday.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[apace41]

So, I'm back from my vacation in Florida.  There was some good and some bad as can be expected.  Overall, I would have to say that I was less well than I was a year ago and I had more anxiety and internal unrest during the trip.  I had a couple of relatively sleepless nights which I did not have a year ago.  I did, however, feel a little bit more connected to people and was able to converse and enjoy meals with family for the most part.  My physical limitations always set the stage for me there because in the past (several years ago) it was like summer camp for me where I would play tennis all day and go running and play ball on the beach, etc.  With the limitations on my hips and overall body pain my exercise was largely limited to swimming laps which I did most every day.  Other good news came in the form of significant diminishing of the burning mouth symptom which suggests that stress of home/work, etc. plays a major role in it for me.  The biggest challenge overall, however, was a recurrence of dizziness that was affecting me much of the time.  When I say dizziness I mean the sense of being "off balance" and unsteady that is frequently referenced by many.  This was, however, important in that it led me to do some additional research and searching and I now have a better overall "working theory" regarding withdrawal and the symptoms that come from it.

 

I found myself looking at dizziness as a symptom and that led me to www.anxietycentre.com.  For those of you who have never been there it is an excellent site that addresses stress and anxiety and the overall hyperstimulation of the nervous system.  The site is far more analytical than any "anxiety site" I have ever visited and it looks deeply at the physiology of anxiety and the symptoms that arise from it.  I bought a membership because I thought the free stuff was so good and when you get into the member site there is a list of symptoms of anxiety that is pretty much a direct corollary of the Glenmullen list of withdrawal symptoms.  The site's founder, Jim Folk, dealt with anxiety for many years until he figured out some of this stuff and he has been helping people for 15  years or so and therefore has a great database of anecdotal evidence of what stress and anxiety can do to you physically.  I think I always "knew" that but I never really looked into it, appreciated it, and internalized it so that it made sense to me. 

 

As a result of my time on this site and my understanding of withdrawal in general, I have come to the viewpoint that what happens for many of us in withdrawal (and, I believe, in my case) is that withdrawal acts as a stressor on the CNS.  Over time, the repeated assaults on the CNS create an ever increasingly stimulated CNS which gets to the point where you no longer even feel "stressed" on a regular basis -- you simply are.  In that state, the body has myriad symptoms that are essentially stress reactions ranging from pins and needles, to dizziness, to depersonalization, etc. The website does a great job of going through symptom by symptom and explaining how things like palpitations arise.  The only way to get the symptoms to go away is to reduce the overall stress load.  In this vein, the site applies many of the same tools that we advocate here such as meditation, deep breathing, deep relaxation, etc.  Over time, when the bodies stress load is reduced symptoms go away and the CNS is no longer on the "hair trigger."  But, there's the rub.  In withdrawal, we are continually stressing the system whether by taper or cold turkey, the system takes a very long time to heal.  So, in addition to the general life stresses that create more strain on the CNS we have the impact that the chemicals have created on the brain.  Hence, the long, long (did I say long?) time it takes to heal the CNS.

 

What I found truly compelling in the member's area of the site, however, is a series of Skype interviews that Folk has with members who raise various concerns with him and which he addresses.  When I tell you that it could EASILY be a series of calls from SA members discussing these issues with him (the symptom complaints are so similar to what is posted here every day) I am understating the overlap.  The lines between what we feel from withdrawal and what an anxiety sufferer (without regard to medication) feels are virtually indistinguishable.  

 

This site has helped me better understand one of the cardinal rules of SA which is the need for acceptance.  I have struggled for a very long time with the notion that "there must be something else wrong with me."  If you listen to virtually ALL of the calls on anxietycentre you will hear everyone saying that very thing -- "it can't just be anxiety -- there must be something medically wrong with me."  It struck me that if anxiety alone -- without medication withdrawal -- can cause these symptoms without some medical issue, then it stands to reason that adding withdrawal into the mix makes it even more justifiable.  In some small way this has helped me come to terms with accepting that I don't have some horrific disease and that what is wrong with me is the result solely of the drugs I took and am now trying to discontinue.  Hopefully, over time I will be able to calm my CNS a little more with this knowledge and I won't have the flash of second fear that comes about when the crazy symptoms arise.

 

Anyway, this has been, as Shep would say, something of a word salad so I hope there is some meaning and value that can be gleaned from my ramblings.

 

Happy new year to all and I will post more when I can be a little more cogent.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[bromor]

Andy ~ I found that site a few months ago. I joined as well because the information is quite amazing. I don’t post there but I read everyday. 

Yes, acceptance is key & it takes our bodies so long to heal. But I know they will!  

Will post more later. Just had to say that great minds think alike 😊

 

[Shep]

Hi, Andy.

 

I really enjoyed reading your update and although you are struggling a lot with the physical symptoms and dizziness, you are psychologically in a really amazing and beautiful place.

 

2 hours ago, apace41 said:

This site has helped me better understand one of the cardinal rules of SA which is the need for acceptance.  I have struggled for a very long time with the notion that "there must be something else wrong with me."  If you listen to virtually ALL of the calls on anxietycentre you will hear everyone saying that very thing -- "it can't just be anxiety -- there must be something medically wrong with me."  It struck me that if anxiety alone -- without medication withdrawal -- can cause these symptoms without some medical issue, then it stands to reason that adding withdrawal into the mix makes it even more justifiable.  In some small way this has helped me come to terms with accepting that I don't have some horrific disease and that what is wrong with me is the result solely of the drugs I took and am now trying to discontinue.  Hopefully, over time I will be able to calm my CNS a little more with this knowledge and I won't have the flash of second fear that comes about when the crazy symptoms arise.

 

Since one of your main "signature symptoms" is health anxiety, it's really wonderful to see you get to this place of total acceptance. Just reading it, I can sense a giant weight being lifted off your shoulders. It's like everything you've been through so far has finally "clicked". It's quite possible that this acceptance will help nourish and strengthen your nervous system and set the stage for some advanced healing over the coming months and years. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I hope 2018 is going to be a great year for you as you taper off the rest of your AD and move on into the recovery phase. 

[RachelSusan]

Andy,

What an outstanding post. Thank you for the information. I want to learn as much about my situation as possible. You post gave me a lot of the reasoning behind what is going on. 

 

I'm sorry that you trip wasn't as good as last year.  That stinks. As we all know anxiety is a killer. I'm sorry that you were having problems physically as well. You mention your hips, did you say in one of your post a while back that thought you might need a hip replacement but weren't sure? 

 

RS

[scallywag]

Andy, thanks for posting your insights about anxiety.  As someone who hasn't experienced anxiety during withdrawal or really much at all, I'll be checking out the free material to educate myself.

[apace41]

18 hours ago, bromor said:

Andy ~ I found that site a few months ago. I joined as well because the information is quite amazing. I don’t post there but I read everyday. 

Yes, acceptance is key & it takes our bodies so long to heal. But I know they will!  

Will post more later. Just had to say that great minds think alike 😊

 

 

LOL, B.  I'm not surprised.  We seem to travel in the same places.

 

I'd  be interested in your further thoughts.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

18 hours ago, Shep said:

Since one of your main "signature symptoms" is health anxiety, it's really wonderful to see you get to this place of total acceptance. Just reading it, I can sense a giant weight being lifted off your shoulders. It's like everything you've been through so far has finally "clicked". It's quite possible that this acceptance will help nourish and strengthen your nervous system and set the stage for some advanced healing over the coming months and years. 

 

Thanks as always for your support, Shep.  It's a "work-in-progress."  I think I now have a cogent story that fits together and "makes sense" to the extent anything in withdrawal makes sense.  I will try to pull it all together in a post later.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

17 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

What an outstanding post. Thank you for the information. I want to learn as much about my situation as possible. You post gave me a lot of the reasoning behind what is going on. 

 

Thanks for the kind words, RS.  I think I know you fairly well and I think you would gain a lot from spending a little time on that site (or googling youtube videos under anxietycentre).

 

17 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

I'm sorry that you trip wasn't as good as last year.  That stinks. As we all know anxiety is a killer. I'm sorry that you were having problems physically as well. You mention your hips, did you say in one of your post a while back that thought you might need a hip replacement but weren't sure? 

 

Yes.  I did say that.  My orthpod would LOVE to cut me open.  I'm waiting until I'm less symptomatic to see if that symptom is one that is being greatly exacerbated by withdrawal/stress.  In addition, as new therapies improve (PRP and stem cell especially), I'm hoping to avoid the replacement altogether.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

13 hours ago, scallywag said:

Andy, thanks for posting your insights about anxiety.  As someone who hasn't experienced anxiety during withdrawal or really much at all, I'll be checking out the free material to educate myself.

 

Thanks for the visit, Scally.  It's interesting as I think my views on this GO BEYOND "pure" anxiety.  It is my belief that the stress that is placed on the system by withdrawal causes hyperstimulation of the CNS and the HPA axis and that many of the symptoms that are rampant in withdrawal are essentially "caused" by this stress to the CNS.  For some that may manifest along with "pure" anxiety but for some I think that it will manifest in the form of stress on the body without any of what we would classically call "anxiety".  That may be a function of many things, most notably learned behaviors and the tendencies that we had when we first started on the medications.

 

I'd love for someone as insightful as yourself to give this some thought and research, test what I am postulating and see where you come out.  Especially if you can look at it from the perspective of someone who doesn't suffer "pure" anxiety.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

Andy, you sound like a scientist 

 

I and I am sure, many others on SA hope the postulations lead somewhere.....

 

Best,

JC

[scallywag]

I have not a single doubt that dose changes are a stress on the body/CNS and are therefore likely to set off or worsen inherent sensitivities.  If one has a tendency of being anxious, anxiety will arise and/or worsen. Skin issues? Same. Digestive issues? Same. Ad infinitum.

[Blondiee1915]

Andy - 

 

That is awesome you were able to get away and enjoy some time off.  Even though you think you are worst compared to last year I think it is admirable that you were able to go to Florida and participate in family vacation and be more connected during conversations than before. 

 

I am so glad you brought the subject of anxiety into your thread.  Anxiety is such a powerful monster, it can send so many uncomfortable bodily and mental sensations to anyone.  I am like you and struggle with health anxiety, but also general anxiety and now social.  For a while I went between my anxiety is due to WD to I have an anxiety disorder this cannot be WD.  I tried to pin and point my symptoms and figure out which symptom is caused by what WD, anxiety or side effect.  Ultimately, I gave up since my firm belief is that I want to be off medication and can function in this world w/out being medicated.  Your explanation makes perfect sense in that our nervous system is in even more stressed state due to history of medication use and withdrawing in general.  I do think it is important to also realize that anxiety should not be solely blamed on WD.  WD for sure can be the cause but anxiety by itself can exist in an individual and symptoms are quite similar.  

 

I do belief that in order to conquer this anxiety monster we have to do some work.  That is where acceptance comes in, meditation, CBT, and all that good stuff.  I started reading a book by Barry McDonagh "DARE" in hopes of using some of the techniques (not sure if you read this one yet).  I also just finished another booked called "10% Happier" by Dan Harris - it is a mix of self help and a personal journey about discovering meditation.  It is an easy yet powerful read.  It really resonated with me and I am leaning more into making meditation a daily habit.  He discusses Buddhism and the beliefs behind it.  I am not suggesting or advertising for anyone to become one, but some of their teachings can truly help in anxiety and WD related situations.  Acceptance would be the big one of course, and another one I thought was helpful was not attachment to the outcome.  I know me I am so hard on myself for not doing something or not trying hard enough (the list goes on) and dwell on it, so letting that go would be truly healing.  It does not mean we do not have to try a desired goal, but when something does not work out the way we want to it is okay to let that go.    

 

I think it is important to note that individuals in WD that experience anxiety symptoms should do some self work and not simply sit and wait on time.  Time does heal, but when WD stresses the body and sends it into chaos the anxiety that kicks in can cause even more debilitating symptoms.  I feel like I am preaching and maybe I should not be mentioning this on your thread, but I get upset at times when I read threads where the person is suffering for a while with profound WD/anxiety symptoms yet is only waiting on time to let these symptoms dissolve.  I feel like reaching out across and saying - are you eating healthy?  can you do some exercise?  What about meditation?  CBT?  Yoga?  Positive Affirmations?  It sounds like anxiety,  please don't blame everything on WD and try to help yourself.  

 

B. 

 

 

 

[Blondiee1915]

40 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

LOL, B.  I'm not surprised.  We seem to travel in the same places.

 

I'd  be interested in your further thoughts.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

I am going to join that site too

[RachelSusan]

On 1/7/2018 at 9:10 AM, apace41 said:

Thanks for the kind words, RS.  I think I know you fairly well and I think you would gain a lot from spending a little time on that site (or googling youtube videos under anxietycentre).

 

Thanks Andy.  I did google on youtube and watched some videos, I then went directly to the site. There appears to be some overlap with WD and stress & anxiety. They all seem to over-stimulate the nervous system. And the symptoms on the site were amazing, yes many of them seemed the same as WD. Thanks for sharing.

RS

[Frogie]

Hi Andy:

 

I wrote on my thread, if you get time to read it.

 

I hope you are doing better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Sertramean]

Hi Andy,

 

Not been here for a while but I'd just like to wish you the best of luck. You were very supportive of me at my worst and it meant a lot. I suppose I just want to say thanks and that if you persevere it really does get better.

 

Keep on Keeping on.

[apace41]

Thanks for visiting, Sert, and glad you are doing so well.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Petunia]

On 1/7/2018 at 4:49 AM, apace41 said:

As a result of my time on this site and my understanding of withdrawal in general, I have come to the viewpoint that what happens for many of us in withdrawal (and, I believe, in my case) is that withdrawal acts as a stressor on the CNS.  Over time, the repeated assaults on the CNS create an ever increasingly stimulated CNS which gets to the point where you no longer even feel "stressed" on a regular basis -- you simply are.  In that state, the body has myriad symptoms that are essentially stress reactions ranging from pins and needles, to dizziness, to depersonalization, etc. The website does a great job of going through symptom by symptom and explaining how things like palpitations arise.  The only way to get the symptoms to go away is to reduce the overall stress load.  In this vein, the site applies many of the same tools that we advocate here such as meditation, deep breathing, deep relaxation, etc.  Over time, when the bodies stress load is reduced symptoms go away and the CNS is no longer on the "hair trigger."  But, there's the rub.  In withdrawal, we are continually stressing the system whether by taper or cold turkey, the system takes a very long time to heal.  So, in addition to the general life stresses that create more strain on the CNS we have the impact that the chemicals have created on the brain.  Hence, the long, long (did I say long?) time it takes to heal the CNS.

 

Another great post and update Andy, I'm also sorry your vacation wasn't as good as last year, but being able to travel and enjoy some of it is an achievement, I'm not quite there yet.

 

I used to belong to anxietycentre.com, before discovering what was really wrong with me. It was my lifeline for a while, before discovering what was really wrong, that it wasn't 'just' anxiety and that's why I wasn't getting better in spite of doing what was recommended.

 

What you have written here makes sense, and I've come to a similar conclusion. We can reduce all our stress and use all the calming techniques and not scare ourselves with secondary cognitive anxiety about what is 'really' wrong, but there's nothing we can do about the reality of just how physically stressful this recovery process actually is. There's no map, no predictability, no control and the symptoms themselves can be stress inducing, no matter what we do or don't tell ourselves about them. I know for a fact then when I wake up every morning with surges of adreneline, my body in an automatic fight/flight response, which I have no control over, that in itself is stress, and I'm sure its a factor in how long its taking for my CNS to recover. None of this is anything like my original anxiety, although some of the physical sensations I experience now are similar to anxiety responses I used to get in certain situations, but they always had an identifiable cognitive cause.... I was worrying about something.

 

And of course with symptoms like dizziness and pain, even if you know they are 'just' withdrawal and not something more sinister, there is still the actual impact they have on our life and daily functioning, or lack of. Pain causes stress and can slow healing. All stress slows healing and all of our symptoms are stressful by their very nature and how they manifest. To me, this all seems like the mother of all catch 22 situations and perhaps an induced coma is what we need.

 

Like you, I'm feeling worse physically than what I did this time last year, but better in other ways. I keep telling myself that when my CNS has settled down and stays that way, I will be able to work on improving my physical health which has declined terribly over the last few years.

 

Best for 2018

 

P.

 

 

[apace41]

I guess since I'm up at 1AM and can't sleep due to anxiety with no apparent cause, Petu, I'm a living example of the truth of your fantastic post.  You are spot on in that there are things in withdrawal that we simply can't control and that creates continual issues for a hyperstimulated CNS.  So, for me, the real question is what amount of "collateral" healing can you do while you are in withdrawal.  If we assume that not all of the problem is withdrawal and that some percentage of what is going on is due to learned anxiety behaviors, it would be logical to assume we can make at least some progress along the way while we "wait" for the CNS to get on with the healing.  Hopefully, as you suggest (I think), we can make the environment more conducive for withdrawal CNS healing to take place.

 

I think Blondiee's post earlier in my thread is the way I think about it.  Doing nothing clearly doesn't do anything to accelerate healing.  Doing various relaxation and acceptance techniques may only help by 10% or 20% or who knows, but at least it's something.  Plus, it presumably puts us in a better place to recovery faster once the CNS starts to move in the right direction.

 

58 minutes ago, Petunia said:

I keep telling myself that when my CNS has settled down and stays that way, I will be able to work on improving my physical health which has declined terribly over the last few years.

 

I tell myself the same things, Petu.  Every day.

 

I honestly believe that if I could stop thinking about it so much it would improve a little.  It wouldn't heal me but I wouldn't be so obsessive about it and that would be helpful.  Trying to figure out ways to do that if I can.

 

Thanks for your thoughtful post.

 

May we both see a lot of healing in 2018.  It's time.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

Just a note in my thread to memorialize the bad sleep wave I've been in lately.  Not quite an "every other night" but getting close.  Lying in bed with waves of anxiety passing through me -- the kind Petu refers to in her earlier post where there is nothing to be anxious about other than the pure bodily sensations.  There is nothing (other than withdrawal) that I'm particularly concerned about on a conscious level that would be causing this anxiety.  

 

I am very, very tired of this whole process.  Having a hard time seeing the light at the end of this incredibly long tunnel.

 

Very down at 3:30 AM.

 

Hope all are well. 

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

21 minutes ago, apace41 said:

Just a note in my thread to memorialize the bad sleep wave I've been in lately.  Not quite an "every other night" but getting close.  Lying in bed with waves of anxiety passing through me -- the kind Petu refers to in her earlier post where there is nothing to be anxious about other than the pure bodily sensations.  There is nothing (other than withdrawal) that I'm particularly concerned about on a conscious level that would be causing this anxiety.  

 

I am very, very tired of this whole process.  Having a hard time seeing the light at the end of this incredibly long tunnel.

 

Very down at 3:30 AM.

 

Hope all are well. 

 

Andy

 

Thinking of you Andy, and  know how you feel.

 

Its the "bodily sensations" that get me each time too.

 

Sending hugs from across the pond.

 

JC

[apace41]

Thanks, JC.  This is really a rough one.  An ugly wave.  Ugh.

 

I need a hug.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

Just now, apace41 said:

Thanks, JC.  This is really a rough one.  An ugly wave.  Ugh.

 

I need a hug.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

BTW, are you a scientist?  

 

I just recognise that analytical and logical thought process from from the way you write......

[apace41]

No.  A lawyer of all things. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

1 minute ago, apace41 said:

No.  A lawyer of all things. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Not a bad guess, I wasn't too far off then, lol!!!  Really admire you for holding down a high pressure profession despite WD.

 

I'm waiting at the station for the cheap day fare into London......hate going to the big city,  WAY TOO stressful.  

 

Still, needs must.

 

Hang in there Andy.

 

Best,

JC

[Scorpio]

Hi apace41 

 

just to to say I sympathise. My sleep pattern had improved until about 6.30 but the last couple of nights I have been sharing those nasty anxiety ridden early hours with the accompanying nasty symptoms. I think when you get a relatively good nights sleep you can cope better with the anxiety during the day. Unfortunately when sleep deprived along with the dreaded symptoms it makes the days so much harder. 

[Bobo71]

Roughly, what % of time do people spend thinking about their withdrawal?. I spend at least 90+% and that can’t be healthy. It has become an obsession I think.In fact the smarter you are the worse it is because you are used to solving puzzles and intellectual problems. This problem is very difficult and can suck you in.  We are all looking for the grand theory to explain what is happening and what to do. Sounds like some of the futile attempts in philosophy to create an understanding of everything. Best ignore it and get on with the basics in life like walking in nature and making lunch.

 

I also suffer from adrenaline surges surges and dread in the morning and during the night.  Probably when the cortisol hits a sensitised CNS it triggers feelings of dread.

 

 

 

 

[Bobo71]

Andy

 

im an M&A partner in a big 4 firm of accountants! Somehow I keep protracted withdrawal under wraps during the day. It’s not easy but many of us run this kind of parallel existence. I thought your intro to this thread was great. Following from my earlier comment, Claire Weekes talks about the absolute brain *** of constantly thinking about this condition- it leads to huge levels of introspection and lack of engagement with external events, which can result in DP. Not surprising really.

[apace41]

1 hour ago, Bobo71 said:

Roughly, what % of time do people spend thinking about their withdrawal?.

 

Hi, Bobo and welcome to SA. I know for me the answer is “way too much”

 

1 hour ago, Bobo71 said:

. It has become an obsession I think.In fact the smarter you are the worse it is because you are used to solving puzzles and intellectual problems.

 

Agree completely. My “analysis” a few posts earlier is an effort to put a bow on it and then move forward knowing there’s only so much one can do.  For me, however, having a coherent theory about what has happened and is happening is important.

 

1 hour ago, Bobo71 said:

Best ignore it and get on with the basics in life like walking in nature and making lunch.

 

LOL.  So much easier said than done. As I’m sure you know.

 

25 minutes ago, Bobo71 said:

im an M&A partner in a big 4 firm of accountants! Somehow I keep protracted withdrawal under wraps during the day. It’s not easy but many of us run this kind of parallel existence.

 

Yes, this is a syndrome that does not discriminate.  Sucks for all of us.

 

Look forward to your continued contribution. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

Edited January 10, 2018 by apace41

[musk]

2 hours ago, Bobo71 said:

Following from my earlier comment, Claire Weekes talks about the absolute brain *** of constantly thinking about this condition- it leads to huge levels of introspection and lack of engagement with external events, which can result in DP. Not surprising really.

Sorry, what's "DP"?

[Happy2Heal]

"I honestly believe that if I could stop thinking about it so much it would improve a little.  It wouldn't heal me but I wouldn't be so obsessive about it and that would be helpful.  Trying to figure out ways to do that if I can"

 

Oh, if you figure out ways to do this, please do share! I have tried all sorts of distractions, but I realize that they are purposeful distractions and I immediately connect it to WD/Recovery, so it's on my mind even now, way more that I'd like it to be.

I find the harder I try to NOT think about it, the more it's "in my face". 
Maybe, just maybe, acceptance is also just allowing this to be the main focus of our lives, for however long it's going to take....?
I don't know, I wish I had the answers.

 

and yes, it's an incredibly long journey but it does get better. That's all that I am 100% sure of at this point, at least in my case. I can't speak for anyone else, I know. But for me, it's gotten massively better. It annoys me, the stuff that is lingering, but I have to acknowledge how far I've come.

I believe you'll get there too, Andy. One slow day at a time :/

 

 

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Andy - 

 

Check out Rod Stryker on either YouTube or yogaglow (you can sign up for 10 day free access) .   He helped me tremendously yesterday to shut that monkey mind and after I felt peace and less of that chatter in my head,  it was truly a shift in me after I got home from work and experienced a horrible anxiety attack.  Can you do some like yoga (I know you have issues with hips but maybe some gentle poses?) .  Basically the whole class you concentrate on your breath while doing the same yoga pose and you count your inhale then hold and count your exhales and hold again.   The mind solely concentrates on counting since it can change (inhale 4, hold 1, exhale 4, hold 1; then 5/2/5/2 and so on ) and in time you realize wow I have been so concentrated on breathing that I have not thought about any of the anxiety / symptom stuff.   Thought maybe this could be helpful 

 

I am sorry you had an aweful night but I do believe it will get better .  It has too 

 

b 

[Bobo71]

DP is depersonalisation.

i also find it difficult to distract as when a symptom flares up - it brings me right back to the drawing board. I keep hearing the importance of acceptance and I think it must be true to stop the resistance. It’s all very difficult to put into practice thoughI. feel I could write a self help book about this condition but the trouble is I can’t do any of it myself. I’d hate to think that it was only the passage of time that cures this and there’s nothing else to do  but wait because life is so miserable and complex to manage at the moment. Every basic thing in life I took for granted (sleeping, eating, talking to others, even breathing) can be challenging.  Just juggling all these symptoms is a full time job.