☼ AliG: Surviving

[JanCarol]

Hey AliG, I just picked up on this:  

 

 

My husband wants me to go back on medication. He doesnt understand and thinks by my doing that I will be helping myself.  He wants me to move forward. I don't know how to do that at this stage. I am so confused. It is so easy to keep thinking that I need these drugs. 

and I remembered we have a discussion of this issue (several of us have had to face it, I'm a lucky one, my hubby trusts me and goes along with my recommendations - but several of us have had spouses who say:  we just want you to be well!  Take the drugs, doctor knows best!  EGADS!)

 

Support for WD struggle with family friends not understanding

 

"Flat" is something I've had for years and years.  I do not know how much of it was antidepressants messing with my brain (I've been on most SSRI's, reacted, then put on tricyclics, like the Mianserin.  On and off, on and off.  I thought that "flat" was just my native state, but now I see how the antidepressants could've contributed to that.

 

Please check your magnesium, magnesium oxide, the most common kind, is basically worthless.  Magnesium aspartate is in a lot of the "expensive" health food types, and can be activating.  (just think Coke Zero, crossing the blood/brain barrier!  Eek!)  And fish oil?  

 

Did you get to watch the Catalyst programs by Maryanne Demasi about statins and cholesterol?  They are saying now that inflammation, not cholesterol, is the risk factor.  Sure, you don't want it off the charts, but here's the other thing.  This is a rumour, this is not medical advice - but it is believed that what you eat (unless you're eating pastry, cake and red meat ALL the time) has nothing to do with your cholesterol.  That cholesterol is a marker of inflammation, and you need to seek natural antiinflammatory things, like turmeric, turkey, and my brain just went blank on the rest.  Look up "inflammation" and "diet" in google and you will see some recommendations.

 

I went off my statins - just before the Catalyst program aired.  It's banned now, you cannot find it here, there, or anywhere - squelched by the Australian Heart Association and the drug companies.  BUt if you go to Maryanne Demasi's twitter feed, you can find an awful lot of information about statins, inflammation, heart disease, and the risk of statins for women.

 

and btw, I love your avatar!

[AliG]

Thanks luv2knit, and skylar, for stopping by. I'm gradually educating my husband on the whole story of the dangers of psych meds, and the people who push them, namely Psychiatrists and Big Pharma, all in the pursuit of the almighty $$$.  Unfortunately, like most people, he does think doctors know best, but I am gradually turning his views around by reading out to him parts from  Anatomy of an Epidemic. 

 

I'm really tired today and have no energy- my head feels like lead and mood is "flat".

[Fresh]

Hi Ali , you and hubby might want to watch a movie called  "BOUGHT - the Truth Behind Vaccines , Big Pharma and Your Food."

 

There's free viewing for another 2-3 days.   You'd need to find it by googling the title and "free viewing" , or do same search on facebook

 

Fresh

[AliG]

Thanks so much, Fresh !   This education is ongoing , for me and if I can get him on board as well, it will be so much easier.  He is very supportive, and has been through a lot with me.  I think the light is starting to come on, for him.  Praise the Lord!!

[Wildflower0214]

Hey there friend. Thanks for stopping by my thread. im in a bit of a craphole right now. Sorry it took me so long to reply.

 

Here is that poem you like. ????

http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=698

 

I will come by to check on you as much as I can manage right now. Btw, my thread is a bit frightening. I know you said you were going to read it. I just want to warn you, so you don't get triggered if you are sensitive at the moment. It's some heavy material. But, feel free if you would like to. It's 50 pages of nutso. Lol

[calithebold]

Hi AliG, thanks for stopping by my thread. There's some awesome information here, a lot I didn't know about. I hope you are feeling ok today. Insomnia sucks. I'm probably only experiencing a real mild case but it's doing my head in. I've only had it for a few days. Anyway, nice to know you're in Brissy too

[AliG]

Thanks Wildflower and Calithebold.  I'm so teary and tired today, for no real apparent reason.  It just seems so overwhelming , at times, I sometimes don't know what to do anymore.  I'm just so tired of it all. There's just nothing I want to do today, but curl up in a ball and cry.  I have issues from my childhood that get triggered and between those and my withdrawal symptoms, I'm just a mess.  I thought I had accepted all of this, but some days are just hard, as we all know.  It all feels too hard and like a maze I can't get out of. Sorry for the pity party. Like " Scarlett" ( Gone With The Wind ) says, I'll think about all this , tomorrow!!

[LoveandLight]

Totally understand, Ali G..I'm being triggered constantly by childhood issues but I cannot deal with them in withdrawal..I'm basically just going round in circles...coming to join the pity party

[AliG]

Thanks LoveandLight, It's good to know I'm not alone in that as well.  I'm going to read your thread.

 

I woke up today feeling really anxious and kind of angry with some bitterness thrown in. Seemingly out of nowhere my mood was dark. It's unusual for me on a Sunday because it's my favorite day of the week . My husband, who's a workaholic takes the day off to spend with me. It's kind of like a date day. We go out for breakfast or lunch, maybe go to the movies, do some shopping , see one or a couple of our kids. What's not to like?  The sun was shining which is a big thing for me. I should have felt, if not happy at least some sort of contentment. It annoyed me that I couldn't enjoy it like I should have been able to.   

 

This is how it's been for years, on and off the drugs sometimes getting the side effects from being on them or getting the withdrawal effects from being off them. It makes me angry now to think I did not ever need to be on them.

 

On a lighter note : last night going to bed I suddenly had this loud ringing noise in my ears.I woke hubby in a panic. "I've got tinnitus". He investigates, and finds 2 giant cicadas that had come in through an open window.  I have never heard them inside before. What a racket.  Anyway, a happy ending - no tinnutis, but it's funny he always thinks my symptoms are in my head. Always looking for a practical solution. A typical male I suppose. However last night he was right thank goodness.  

[AliG]

I'm just having a thought for anyone reading this.  I'm 29 days off A/d's again, last one being Mianserin 10 mg.  History to refresh -  Many SSRI's and SNRI's  over the last 20 years.  The last 3 years have been 2 years Pristiq, 1 year Valdoxan. Quit Valdoxan - end of May  2014. ( no taper).   I had 8 months, of no meds.  Struggled, with depression , insomnia, and mood swings mainly.  I was convinced I  had major depressive disorder (again!!), and had to go back on the drugs to have any quality of life, encouraged by family and friends.  I went on to Citalopram 20 mg, for 3 days, then 10 mg  for 1 day  ( couldn't handle side effects).  Then on to Mianserin 10 mg for 6 days, ( out of it, zombie, drugged). Quit that . No Taper.   

 

My question is, Should I go back on anything?  I'm 29 days off, and the history is such a mess ( didn't know anything).  Is there a window that is closing that I need to know about  ?    I can't believe it"s taken me this long on this site to ask the question.  I suppose I was  being naive, thinking I was sort of ok,  but I realise now, I really need to get properly informed about this, now, otherwise it could  be too late.   I also think , because some have more obvious physical symptoms, that I was  maybe scraping through, relatively  unscathed.  The thing is, I have lots of  mental / mood symptoms, which is still bad.   I hope someone reads this soon , as I'm suddenly freaking out!!!

[calithebold]

Just want you to know I'm listening! I don't know the answer but wanted you to know you're not alone. Try and just breathe, slow and steady. Try and find something to keep you busy thinking of something else, music, tv, anything. For me, I crotchet and knit and I love colouring mandalas, it may sound silly, but it's very relaxing, especially to soft music. I did this when I was in hospital. It really doesn't matter what you do as long as it distracts you. I hope you're ok.

[AliG]

Thank you Cali,  I agree with you , distraction is a great thing. Just get through this moment..... and this moment etc. etc.   I do it all the time as I'm sure you do , as well. Thank you for stopping in - much appreciated.  I hope you are going ok.  I'm  going well for now. 

[AliG]

I haven't been here for a few days. I have been searching the site for anything that  could help, and it's amazing what you can pick up. I haven't felt very pro- active, at all . In fact it's been more like, just going through the motions.  I am getting to the stage where my days are very limited , as I'm sure you guys are all familiar with that.  I'm not sure what is happening.  For whatever reason , I don't get as many of the purely physical symptoms as some here. Although having said that , I do get insomnia, agorophobia , panic attacks, cortisol mornings, and that awful feeling of not wanting to be anywhere .Also, the " major depressive disorder" ! and major neuro- emotions. Having written all that , I realize that's still a fair bit . I usually get up very late in the am, because  of   insomnia & cortisol awakenings. (That is what I'm naming them).  When I finally crawl into bed in the early hours after a day of being so tired that I can barely drag my poor sorry self, around, and I am miserable company for my long - suffering husband,  all day long. (he works from home, so he has to deal with me during the day), I can't sleep. When I go to bed at whatever time - I can't sleep , not only because of insomnia but because of the "cortisol".  Just start drifting off and "bam" , totally awake and heart pounding !  Before I got on here, I never knew what this was.  At least I know I'm not alone, and can put it down to something. 

[Fresh]

Ali , look up "myoclonic jerks".

 

They go away eventually.

[AliG]

Thanks Fresh, I will. I've never heard of that.  At least now, I can put it down to something.  That is slightly comforting. 

[bubble]

I'm just having a thought for anyone reading this.  I'm 29 days off A/d's again, last one being Mianserin 10 mg.  History to refresh -  Many SSRI's and SNRI's  over the last 20 years.  The last 3 years have been 2 years Pristiq, 1 year Valdoxan. Quit Valdoxan - end of May  2014. ( no taper).   I had 8 months, of no meds.  Struggled, with depression , insomnia, and mood swings mainly.  I was convinced I  had major depressive disorder (again!!), and had to go back on the drugs to have any quality of life, encouraged by family and friends.  I went on to Citalopram 20 mg, for 3 days, then 10 mg  for 1 day  ( couldn't handle side effects).  Then on to Mianserin 10 mg for 6 days, ( out of it, zombie, drugged). Quit that . No Taper.   

 

My question is, Should I go back on anything?  I'm 29 days off, and the history is such a mess ( didn't know anything).  Is there a window that is closing that I need to know about  ?    I can't believe it"s taken me this long on this site to ask the question.  I suppose I was  being naive, thinking I was sort of ok,  but I realise now, I really need to get properly informed about this, now, otherwise it could  be too late.   I also think , because some have more obvious physical symptoms, that I was  maybe scraping through, relatively  unscathed.  The thing is, I have lots of  mental / mood symptoms, which is still bad.   I hope someone reads this soon , as I'm suddenly freaking out!!!

 

Hello AliG,

 

I'm sorry you are struggling. I can very much relate to being soo tired the whole day and yet not being able to sleep. I see such states as my brain working overtime and I'm trying to do whatever I can to relax it. The thing I found to work best is engaging in any form of gentle physical activity, doing something with my hands regardless of how hard it seems/is. And for me in particular being outdoors in nature. Even if all you can do is just sit in mild sun with your eyes closed, and then walk as little as you can, sitting on the grass, touching it, looking at the trees and flowers, listening to the birds .. or the river/ocean (seeing that you are in Brisbane

 

In response to your question above, it's one of the most difficult around. I'm giving my opinion so other people can chime in as well. You have been 29 days off your last attempt of introducing medication. But basically you have been 10 months of your last drug. That's a long period for reinstating. Read here if you haven't so far: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

Apart from it being so far out, it would be very, very hard to say what to reinstate. It seems that the last drug you have been on for a longer period of time is Valdoxan (I really haven't heard about that one so far). The reason attempts to go on new drugs produce such bad results as it was the case with you is that our brains have done quite a bit of adjusting while being off the drug and what they call "therapeutic doses" are way too high for sensitised brains to handle. That's why we recommend tiny crumbs for people who decide to reinstate. But as I said, at 10 months off that would be a very long shot.

 

Not sure how much this helps but I did my best

 

Bubble 

[AliG]

Thanks Bubble.  It does seem tricky, so I think I will just keep going as I am. I have bad days, but I also have good days as well. It's probably best not to mess around any more. Thanks for the help. 

[JanCarol]

I had a rip-snort laugh when I read:

 

 

 

" I've got tinnutis". He investigates, and finds  2 giant cicadas that had come in through an open window.  I have never heard them inside before. O.M.G  what a racket.  Anyway, a happy ending, - no tinnutis, but it's funny he always thinks my symptoms are in my head. 

 

To share a little story of my own, two girlfriends (and 15 years) ago, hubby was dating another Yank (from LA, of all places).  She came here to visit, and the cicadas - or whatever they are - drove her spare, she never wanted to come back.  Me, they reminded me of lazy August summer dog days in Indiana, and I don't mind them at all.  I find them to be a pleasant white noise, soothing, drowse inducing!  I have NO IDEA how loud it would be if some got into the house, though!  EGADS!

 

Mind, I think I do have cicadas in my head most of the time, usually not intrusive enough to "get in the way" of things.  Not as unpleasant as "ringing" or "siren-like" tinnitus.

 

I agree with Bubble, your drug history is confusing enough that to reinstate anything - even though you're 30 days out from your last drug - you're months out from your last "acclimated" drug.

 

You get up in the MORNING?  Wow.  I've never met an Aussie who kept the same hours I do!  Except I rarely see the AM, that's snoozy time.  I don't have cortisol awakenings (I seem not to have any cortisol at all! or very little....) though.  

 

Here's what some others have tried for cortisol mornings:  Early Morning Cortisol Waking with Anxiety 

 

I sent you the name of a good trauma practitioner, and she is anti-anti-depressants.  She's soft spoken, you would get along well.  I don't know if she is taking new clients, but you're welcome to use my name (gee, do you know my whole name?  I'll get it to you) if that helps you get in - and - say that you are suffering post traumatic, post withdrawal stuff.

 

We can do a lot on our own, but really, it helps to have outside support.  I thought of you in my yin-yoga class where we lay around in various positions, and try what feels good and comfortable against what is less comfortable (this was a very gentle class).  Wish we lived closer together, I'd send you to my massage therapist for a mud pack (made from clay on her land) and massage, or natural water therapy.  Very detoxing, soothing. 

 

Have you ever tried acupuncture?  It's mysterious stuff.  I prefer to go to a westerner who can speak my language (not that the Chinese aren't great at it, but they tend to treat it as a mystery, and do not communicate their "secrets" as well), and I'm not sure I can tell you what it does for me - but even if all it does is flood my body with endorphins 2x a month - it's worth it!  I can ask mine if she knows a good one in your neighborhood.

 

I reckon you need all the help you can get.  And I think you will accept it - I think you are at a point that you would welcome a shoulder to cry on, a massage therapist to lean on, and new friends to talk to!  It's awesome to see someone as proactive, as alive as you!

 

About your flat day with your hubby - been there, done that.  Did it on the phone to a US friend last night.  Couldn't wait until she stopped talking so I could hang up the phone.  I don't love her less, I just really didn't care in that moment about the things she was telling me.  I felt like an alien, or a different species of animal - I should have been happy for her news, but just couldn't go there.  So, as wearying as it is, just keep faking it till you make it.

 

Studies show that even a fake smile will lift your mood by something like 40%.  So "going through the motions" even when you don't feel like it inside - that's okay too.

[JanCarol]

PS - even though it was made by Scientologists - when VideoEZ closed a few years ago - I found a copy of "Making a Killing: the Untold Story of Psychotropic Drugging."  

 

The Scientology angle is - they want people to go to their programs for "auditing," an expensive lifelong process.  This vid was made by a front group with an innocent name, The Citizen's Committee for Human Rights, or CCHR for short.  

The video mentions nothing about Scientology, but because it was made by CCHR, the delivery is HEAVY, SCARY, intense, pushy.  HOWEVER, when hubby watched it - nearly all of the stories and facts in there are TRUE - hubby watched it and it all clicked together for him.

 

We loaned it to a video expert friend to see if he could "lift" the program so we could burn and distribute it (naughty, but worthwhile).  He was unable to, but did watch the video himself and is thinking twice about the tablets he takes every day!  

 

Even though we cannot burn it, our library has it (Scientology is very good about making sure their materials are well represented in libraries), and yours probably does too:  https://library.moretonbay.qld.gov.au/cgi-bin/spydus.exe/ENQ/OPAC/BIBENQ?ENTRY_NAME=BS&NRECS=20&ENTRY=making+a+killing+the+untold+story+of+psychotropic+drugging&BIBCOLX=%28DVD+%2F+DVDMA15+%2F+DVDR18%29*+DVDs&x=35&y=19

[peggy]

Hey AliG, another queenslander here!

 

I can't offer you much advice except to say that my experience coming off meds is very similar - my symptoms seem to be completely emotionally related - i seem to manage to escape those pesky zaps, nausea, dizzyness, headaches etc - i just get fear, anxiety, insomnia, depression - but worse than before meds.  The longest i waited to reinstate was six weeks - it always got so unbearable by then i was desperately searching for solutions. It's funny, but i am so afraid of taking a benzo, but have always been willing (begrudgingly) to go back on effexor. I have been very lucky i guess that it has always worked again and i haven't had an adverse reaction.  In some respects the fear of it not working again keeps me on it - the devil you know type of thing.

 

I have just started my fourth attempt to get off. I will go extra slow this time, especially when i get down on lower doses.  I am thinking it will take me many years - but i am a very busy person and i don't want to be non functional ever again!

 

I hope you are feeling better soon

[AliG]

Hi Peggy, quite a few Queenslanders here, it seems.  Sorry to hear you've been through it as well. I think you're right to slow, slow taper. I just wish I had known to do that, over the many years I have been on and off the drugs. You sound like you're doing really well. That's so good to hear.

 

Hi Jan, I agree the cicadas outside are pleasant and natural. Inside they are deafening!   I've decided not to reinstate, to keep things stable.  You massage therapy sounds great. If you can find a good accupuncturist,  I could try it.  I'm glad you think I'm proactive, sometimes I think I'm not proactive enough, but I'm trying.  I'm feeling pretty good today and I'm just thankful that I'm off the drugs, and know that I will never go back on them , now that I know the truth.  I hope you are going well.

[AliG]

I just wanted to share this - I saw it and thought of all the beautiful people here.

 

 

"The most beautiful people we have known are those  who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness and a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people do not just happen. "

[calithebold]

That is lovely Ali, I love hearing stuff like that. How are you going by the way. I hope you're okay. You are in my thoughts

[Purplestars22]

AiiG, what a moving quote I love it.

[Fresh]

Hi  Ali ,  you know that I went back on medication after 10 months , and am sorry I waited that long and suffered so much.    

I hadn't thought it was an option.    It seems that it is.

[AliG]

Hi Fresh, I'm confused.  I'm not sure what to do. 

 

I was going to go for a walk this morning, but got hit with a wave of dizziness, that hasn't gone away. I've had this before but never thought that it could be a withdrawal symptom.  Also,  I've got this weird feeling of pins and needles in the back of my head, which I haven't heard anyone else here mention. I wonder if this is like a "brainzap"?   Nausea, as well.  I had planned to be very active today, but as usual, don't feel well enough to do much.  I often have these plans, that don't eventuate.  I'm trying to be accepting of the process , however and know that it will eventually pass.  

[Fresh]

I believe the zaps are different Ali.    Lots of people here have mentioned the sensation of pins and needles.

Try going to the home page and put "pins needles" into search at the top.  

When the threads come up , go to each one and do the same search   , and you get these words highlighted for easy reading.

It's just another symptom , and you're right , it will pass.

[AliG]

Feeling so down. don't quite know what to do, now. I have been on a hive of activity, of research about all this, and feel I've got  most of the key points, of all this, and now I just have to wait.  Conflicted about whether to reinstate, but my history is such a mess, I wouldn't know where to start.  I think it's been too long and because of all the stops and starts, over the years, what would I even reinstate??   And even if I did, what are the chances?

 

I feel almost out of my body at this stage. I feel like I'm in some awful dream, except I'm not waking up. I  am spending most of everyday on the internet trying to come up with answers, for my problems.  The thing is, there are so many factors in my recovery, I don't even know where to start.  The A/D's have changed everything, but the thing is I started taking them for a reason, which hasn't gone away. So now , I have the withdrawal again, which I'm thinking has been non- stop for over 20 years, because I've been on and I've  been off  ad infinnitum .Who am I without these drugs ? When you have spent most of you life on them, what does that mean?  It feels like I don't know who I am. I had depression , because I had abuse.  That hasn't gone away.  The solution to that problem is no longer viable, but the problem remains.  Except now as well as the original problem I also have withdrawal, from poison that I have been on for over 20 years.  I just feel overwhelmed, at the moment, and don't know what to do. I have turned into a recluse. I don't want to see anyone and I jump when the phone rings, and of course I don't answer it. I used to go out a few times a week , when I psyched myself up, but lately I can't even be bothered. 

 

I'm married to a man who's go, go, go!  He doesn't understand me. He tries to give me a "pep" talk every morning, which is well intentioned, but basically wasted on me, as I just don't care at the moment.  That's not true  - I do care, but I just don't have the energy. It's sad because I know he loves me a lot and is just trying to help, but I feel there is a wall between him and me  and everyone else. Sorry - Pity party. Don't like to give in to it, but sometimes you just need to vent. 

 

Prayers and hugs to everyone here, and continued healing and recovery.  We will get there. 

[LoveandLight]

Totally get it! I have no idea what to do, where to start it is such a mess! Yes, I've had pep talks also but they cannot understand what it's like to live in agony..and if they did they would realise how hard it is..

 

We can only keep going forward xxx

[calithebold]

I think you are very brave and I hope today is a little better for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through all this. I have only had a small taste of withdrawal and what I feel and see is not nice. I am dreading the start of the full tapering but I want to do it, no matter how bad it gets, well I want to at least try. I can only imagine what you must be going through and that is why I think you are incredibly brave. Hang in there, be strong but gentle and most of be kind to yourself.

[peggy]

i so get what you are saying AliG - that is me in a nutshell when withdrawing.  I consider myself luckier than most people here - i was always so afraid of meds - i only ended up on effexor because it was that or the grave - and i think being stuck on effexor is still better than being 6 ft under!  But even though effexor worked like a light switch on my depression and anxiety, my fear of meds stayed such that i never ever tried anything else. When i withdrew - and in the early years my tapers were 225 - 150 - 75 - 37.5 to nothing with two weeks inbetween and so when i got the rebound depression i jumped straight back on - i think i always knew that it was drug related because prior to being on effexor my episodes were 3 - 4 years apart. But i have never waited more than 5 weeks before reinstating - i just couldn't tolerate the symptoms and carry on with my life at the same time.

 

Like you, i would consult Dr google endlessly - one question would be answered and two more would be raised - but i realised that that is the nature of anxiety - so when i am like that i try, try, try not to google too much, because there is NO answer but time.  And i know (for 5 weeks anyway)  the exhaustive nature of trying to live by the moment with that black cloud hanging above your head.

 

I can't advise what to do - however if it was me i would try and reinstate something and get stable and then reduce by 10% - but there are so many horror stories of people being adversely effected by reinstatement that that brings it's own questions.  Talk about  being in between a rock and a hard place!  Or maybe I would try to get a script for a benzo and use it once every two or three days just to see if that gave me a little break.  

 

Sending love and kind thoughts

[AliG]

Thank you Loveand Light, Cali, and Peggy.  I really appreciate your understanding and kind thoughts.  Tonight has been really bad for me. I have had the most intense neuro- emotions ( I think),  that I really felt I was going crazy. It started with a misunderstanding with my husband, that escalated, and my emotions went through the roof. I was one crazy lady, ready to run  (anywhere!!)  I somehow managed to contain  myself , and keep safe, but the intensity of my anger and frustration scared me.  My adrenalin is through the roof, and I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight.  I can not believe I've been on this stupid drug roller coaster for so long. If only I had known.  I have so much regret.  Having said that, i will beat this thing!!

 

Prayers to you all tonight.

[Prestorb]

Hi AliG, I am so sorry that you are suffering so much right now. Please remember that you will heal eventually, and I know it already seems like it's taking too long but I think 18 months is closer to typical and sometimes 2-3 years even. Please have faith and hang in there! I understand your reclusivity and I think it's very typical. My symptoms are fairly mild and I still have little energy to go out, I basically only go when I have to. I have an 11 year old so that forces me out more than I would really like, which is probably good. Have you read any of Baylissa Frederick's books (forgive me if I have already recommended them to you)? She also has a FB page, Bloom in Wellness, but I got a lot out of her books. The main thing being that withdrawal is a gigantic lesson in patience. We do heal, but it takes months and years, depending on the person. Believe in yourself and your healing, you will get through this...<<<hugs>>>

[AliG]

Thanks Prestorb, I will look those books and website up. No, I don't think you've mentioned them, but I saw mention of them somewhere else and I had it in my notes to look up.  How are you going? Looking at your sig, at least you tapered relatively slowly.  I so wish I had done that.  I just didn't know about all of this then.  I get so angry sometimes, that I didn't know.  What actually lead me to this website, was trying to find the " perfect anti- depressant".  I thought if I could just find the right one, I would be ok.  So I searched, and searched .......   until I came here.

I just want to say how grateful I am for this site. It has been a revelation for me. It has confirmed for me, what I think I knew deep down, about these drugs, which is why I went searching for answers.  I'm so glad I'm in a like-minded community, who gets it, because most people don't, and I'm beginning to feel  like it's so hard to  make anyone understand.  Someone in my family has a child who has been put on these drugs, and I don't know what to say. If I get too heated about it , they're going to  be resistant.  I'm not sure what to do.  I can see it so clearly, and yet what can I do?  My heart is going out to this child, and I'm so sad, but I feel like my hands are tied. 

If anyone has some ideas, please let me know. In the meantime,  prayers and peace to everyone here , tonight.  Travel well. 

[AliG]

I'm having relationship issues due to withdrawal. I love my husband but he can't handle this and doesn't understand my symptoms including my changing moods. Can anyone relate to this ?

[ten0275]

AliG, hey.

 

thanks for stopping onto my thread and leaving the warm wishes. it is much appreciated.

 

i am really sorry to hear this news about your husband. i hope you will be able to work it out. to me, this is a characteristic of one of withdrawal's most unfair equations. that is, we can do nothing but put our lives on hold while we agonize through the process of healing - but life, as it is, rarely reciprocates by actually allowing us pace we need without more loss on our part. so many of us lose something in withdrawal; jobs, spouses, etc. - facets of our life. so much so that it seems that it should be listed in the "side effect" on the warning labels.

 

for me, there were some losses. i can't change them. but i also recognize that there was nothing i could do while in withdrawal to prevent them. i had to go through the process as i did. if we bring 100% our best effort to any given table and still incur some loss, then i think in some ways, that's the way it has to be. because what else can we be besides the best as our ability allows?

 

you love your husband so much, as you said. i think the best you can do is be honest about what you are experiencing and approach him with the open heart of the love you have. you'll be doing your best.

 

hang in there, i am sorry you are experiencing this.

 

dave